Session 3

ConcisenessConcreteness

Conciseness

Conciseness is…

Terseness and economy in writing and speaking achieved by expressing a great deal in just a few words

Using clear, precise expressions in few words

Conciseness

Conciseness is the art of cutting overweight sentences down to size with flair.

Quantity doesn't always equal quality in writing.

But don't sacrifice clarity and readability for conciseness. Make sure the sentences flow smoothly as you cut unnecessary words and phrases.

Benefits of being concise

A concise message saves time and expense for both sender and receiver. – Avoiding wordiness means using the fewest

number of words possible to express your ideas.

The reader can see your main ideas easily.

Your main points stand out.

Conciseness Problems

Redundancy – Repeating words, phrases, ideas and character

traits • If we are going to see the movie on opening night, we

will have to get there early. We have to get to the movie early because it’s opening night.

Faulty repetition (Tautology)– saying the same thing twice

• Past history• Safe haven

Conciseness Problems

Repetitive Acronym Syndrome – Automated Teller Machine Machine (ATM

Machine)– Personal Identification Number Number (PIN

Number)

Circumlocution– use of many words to express an idea

that might be expressed by few– indirect or roundabout language

Be brief and to the point

In all necessary essentials, the report is complete and finished.

The report is finished.

•Eliminate redundancy/verbosity.

•Reduce faulty repetition.

Make every word count

Concise writing is clearer and more emphatic than wordy writing. – “In view of the fact that your reader is busy, I

would suggest that you make every effort to be as brief as humanly possible.” (25 words)

– “Because your reader is busy, try to be brief.” (9 words)

Write in the “positive”

As a rule, it takes fewer words to say what something is than to say what it is not.– Advisers who do not take time to study financial

statements do not have more credibility than those who do. (19 words)

– Advisers who take time to study financial statements are more credible than those who don’t.” (15 words)

Eliminate deadwood

Many phrases commonly used in business writing contain redundancies and deadwood. – mutual cooperation = – 8:00 a.m. in the morning =– At this point in time =– Free gift =– complete monopoly =– completely unanimous =

Take the most direct route

Prefer action verbs to nominalizations and adjectivizations. – A nominalization is a verb that has been

turned into a noun. • My suggestion is that we make an alteration in the

length of the cloak.

– An adjectivization is a verb that has been turned into an adjective.

• The judge was dismissive of counsel's arguments.

Take the most direct route

Avoid needless attribution.– As everyone knows, the bigger you are, the

harder you fall.

– It has been determined that wordiness obscures clarity.

Replace wordy expressions with single words

I demand a full and complete explanation.

Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiersWordy– Any particular type of dessert is fine with me.– Balancing the budget by Friday is an

impossibility without some kind of extra help.

More Concise

Words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences

clearer

kind ofsort oftype ofreallybasicallyfor all intents and purposes

definitelyactuallygenerallyindividualspecificparticular

Change phrases into single words

Wordy – The employee with ambition...– The department showing the best

performance...

More Concise

Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases

Wordy – The duties of a clerk are to

check all incoming mail and to record it.

– A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service.

Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases

More Concise

Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail

Wordy – I received your inquiry yesterday.

Yes, we do have...– It goes without saying that we are

acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.

Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail

Concise

Make the complex simple

A chronic disposition to inquiry deprived the feline carnivorous quadruped of its vital quality.

Persons deficient in the faculty of determining values move with impetuosity into a realm which purely spiritual beings view with trepidation.

Tips for Conciseness

Write what you mean -- nothing more, nothing less.

Distrust your first draft.

Trust yourself and respect yourself as a writer enough to state, but not overstate, what you mean.

Conciseness Exercises

At this point in time, we can't ascertain the reason as to why the screen door was left open.

What is your basic understanding of predestination?

Conciseness Exercises

At what point in time will a downturn in the stock market have a really serious effect on the social life of people as a whole?

Basically, in light of the fact that Congressman Santos was totally exhausted by his last campaign, there was an expectation on the part of the voters that he would not reduplicate his effort to achieve office in government again.

Repetition vs. Redundancy

Repetition, if used well, can be a good tool to use in your writing. It can add emphasis to what you are trying to say and strengthen a point.

Source: “Repetition and Redundancy,” Nick Jobe and Sophia Stevens, April 2009, University of Houston-Victoria

Types of Repetition

Isocolon – a structural repetition technique that can give academic and business writing – as much as literature and speech – momentum, rhythm, and emphasis– “…that we shall pay any price, bear any

burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” –John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, January 20, 1961

Isocolon

Pay any price

Bear any burden

Meet any hardship

Support any friend

Oppose any foe

Types of Repetition

Anaphora – the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive phrases, clauses, or sentences. Most often writers use this form of repetition for its dramatic effect in speech or writing– “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was

the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way…” –Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Types of Repetition

Epistrophe is the repetition of a word or words at the end of a phrase or clause. Its placement in a sentence is the opposite of anaphora’s placement of words or phrases. Quite similarly, though, its rhetorical function is to provide dramatic or poetic emphasis on an idea or a passage.– “…and that government of the people, by the

people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.” –Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address

Concreteness

Concrete vs. Abstract Words

Abstract terms refer to ideas or concepts; they have no physical referents.– love, success, freedom, good, moral,

democracy, and any -ism (e.g., chauvinism, communism, feminism, racism, sexism).

Concrete terms refer to objects or events that are available to the senses. – spoon, table, green, hot, walking

General vs. Specific Terms

General terms refer to groups– The more you rely on general terms, the more

your writing is likely to be vague and dull. • Furniture/Jewelry

Specific terms refer to individuals– As your language becomes more specific,

though, your meanings become clearer and your writing becomes more interesting.

• Chair/Ring

How to write more concretely

Use concrete words and concrete subjects– Express something tangible.– Use words where you can use your senses.

The man tested the water and found it unacceptable.

The DOH inspector measured the water taken from the Pasig River. The bacteria content was above acceptable standards for drinking water.

Use specific terms

A period of unfavorable weather set in.

I need the print-out ASAP.

Several employees will be retiring pretty soon.

Use strong verbs to make your writing lively and to keep your audience awake and alive to your message

• Be of assistance

• Make a decision

• Put on a demonstration

• Held a meeting and had a discussion

• We will give thought to your proposal

• It is my intention to

• Take a look

• The contract has a requirement for

• He made the payment for his first installment

Avoid expletive constructions

Expletives are forms of predication (the expression of action, state, or quality by a grammatical predicate) that disguise the subject and weaken the verb– It is, This is, It was, There is, There are

It was found in these studies that the funding for the project was insufficient.

Write in plain language

Use plain language that expresses clear meaning.

Avoid showy words and ambiguous expressions in an effort to dazzle or confuse readers.

Write to express ideas, not to impress others.

Huh?

Personnel assigned vehicular space in the adjacent areas are hereby advised that utilization will be suspended temporarily Friday morning.

Be conversational but professional

Most e-mail messages, business letters, memos, and reports replace conversation.They are most effective when they convey an informal, conversational tone instead of a formal, pretentious tone.– Strive for a warm, conversation tone that

does not include slang or low-level diction.

Unprofessional(Low-level diction)

Conversational(Mid-level diction)

Formal(High-level diction)

Badmouth Criticize Denigrate

Guts Nerve Courage

Pecking order Line of command Dominance hierarchy

Rat on Inform Betray

Rip off Steal Expropriate

Snag Win Secure

Talk to the reader with words that you find comfortable.

Stay away from third-person constructions.– All employees are herewith instructed to return the

appropriately designated contracts to the undersigned.

– To facilitate ratification of this agreement, your negotiations urge that the membership respond in the affirmative.

Use vivid words and specific facts

Dull – house – good sales figure

– the newspaper

– Computer – soon

Vivid– cottage, mansion

– P24 million in sales

– Philippine Daily Inquirer

– Apple– by Tuesday, February 2

Concreteness ExerciseRewrite the following sentences to make

them more concrete and specific.The movie earned a lot. There are indications that our economy will improve after the political exercise.There was a breakthrough made by the R&D department.I saw your picture in the newspaper.He’s our best employee.

Oral Lecture

Voice Projection

Voice Projection

Your volume should be loud enough for everyone to hear, but not so loud as to overpower your audience.

Variations in intensity can create different effects. For example, a soft voice can sometimes command more attention than a loud one.

PronunciationFrequently mispronounced words

Accent on the first syllable– Circumstance– Deficit– Tourism– Conduit– Inventory– Equitable– Forfeited– Delicacy

Accent on the second syllable– Initiate– Negotiate– Evaluate– Interpret– Contribute– Associate– Condolence

EnunciationClear-cut shaping of speech sounds into clear and distinct speech syllablesClear enunciation depends on:– Clearness in sounding

consonants– Proper separation of

syllables– Proper separation of

words

Enunciation

Rate– Normal speed: 120 to130 words per minute– When speaking, vary your rate:

• slow for weighty and complex matters • faster in pure narration • legato (smooth and connected) for dignified and

beautiful passages • Staccato (short and disconnected) for exciting

passages– Use pauses and stresses to convey meaning.

• The most important sound to a customer is his or her name.

Faulty Enunciation

Laziness in the use of the mouth, jaw, lips, and tongueSpeaking through the teethInability to project pure utterance of vowel sounds or the crisp definiteness of consonantsWord phrasing

Shortcomings in Enunciation

Slurring

Lisping

Stammering

Over-enunciation

Exercise on Emphasis and Inflection

“I did not say he stole the money.”I did not say he stole the money. – (If you didn’t, who did?)

I did not say he stole the money. – (What did you say then?)

I did not say he stole the money. – (Who did steal it then?)

I did not say he stole the money. – (How did he get it then?)

I did not say he stole the money. – (What did he steal then?)

Exercise on Enunciation

He hires poor men.

He hires foremen.

I was tilling a piece of land.

I was stealing a piece of land.

They moved unhappily.

The moved on happily.

Exercise on Enunciation

I’m going to call/because I want to speak with him.

If I’m going to make a speech, I want to prepare it today.

If you want to try to look attractive, aren’t you going to try to sound attractive, too?

He’s going to ask for a raise, and I don’t want to give it.

Exercise on Enunciation

Once, a general was addressing a number of young recruits – husky, rugged, young farm boys from the back country who had enlisted for just a few months. “Now, boys,” said the general, “I don’t want to hold any of you who are unable to stay. If anyone wishes to leave, he may indicate this by stepping six paces in front of the line.

“But understand,” he added, raising the gun, “I’ll shoot the first one who steps out.”