september 2011 parrot
DESCRIPTION
The Parrot Entertainment MagazineTRANSCRIPT
Inside: Local Guides • Lots of Great Jokes • Live Music • Events
The ParrotThe Gulf Coast's Favorite Source For Entertainment • September 2011
Wake up! Time to Celebrate
The Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club’s
4th Birthday!Come Join The Fun!
The Parrot
Page 2 September 2011 The Parrot
www.cigflorida.com
The Parrot September 2011 Page 3
EST. 2007
www.cigflorida.com
SCHEDULE OF EVENTSFriday, September 2nd
9:00 AM golf at Kingsway Country Club12:00 to 3:00 sign-in at the Holiday Inn Express (HIE) along with a meet and greet
poolside. John Friday playing 1:00 to 3:30 4:30 Trolleys will begin their runs to Portofino’s.
4:00 – 7:00 Sign-in continues at Portofino’s6:00 PM till prizes gone, “Wheel of 4Tune” game
5:00-7:30 Music by Gary & Kerri 8:00-11:00 The Sunny Jim Band
Saturday, September 3th10-11:30 Table Decorating at the Cultural Center of Charlotte County
11 AM - Breakfast of Champions Drink Contest,11:00-3:00 shopping at HIE lobby, crafts, club store
11:00 PHool PHarty Begins - music by Capt. Josh at 12:00 Noon 11:30-1:30 Lunch served 12:00 PHool games begin!
3:00 PHool party ends - please feel free to pitch in & clean up!3:00-4:00 Chance # 2 to decorate tables at CCCC
4:30 Trolleys will begin their runs to the Cultural Center 5:00 Doors open at the Cultural Center
Chinese/Silent Auctions begin. Music by John Reno
Welcoming remarks by Tracy Lehn (PHounder/Pres of CHPHC) 6:30 “Charlotte Harbor Way Buffet” Dinner
Dancing to Jack Mosley and the band till 11:00 PM
Sunday, September 4th
11:00Door Decorating & other contest winners announced 12:00 Trolley begins to the Nav-A-Gator
1:00-5:00 CHPHC’s TropRock Songwriters Spectacular at Nav-A-Gator
Monday, September 5th12-?? Just another Day in Paradise look for CHPHC banner! BYOE
Join us at the North end of Englewood Beach for a relaxing day of sun & phun
Not Much Time To Register! Only A Few Seats Left! Reserve Now At CHPHC.com
The Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club’s Birthday Celebration!
Page 4 September 2011 The Parrot
Incoming MailSend all letters and comments to [email protected]
inside
Freelance Submissions: We welcome freelance writers, illustrators and cartoonists to submit material, but please
include sufficient return postage if you want your material returned to you.Distribution: Business owners who would like to be added to our distribution list may call
(941)323-4110. Our distributioncontinues to expand in the Port Charlotte area and Southwest Florida.
Advertising: Classified ads must be mailed to us at the address shown below or dropped by our office by appointment.
A form is located in the Classified section of this issue. Additional forms are available at our office. For a complete display
advertising Media Kit, please call our office or write to us at the address below.The SWFL Parrot, 3280-55 Tamiami Trail Suite 165 Port Charlotte, FL 33952
©Copyright 2011 by The SWFL Parrot. All rights reserved. Reprint rights must be granted by the publisher. Write us or
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[email protected] or941-380-1047
Some Photos courtesy of:
Publisher Kristen Randolph [email protected] Editor [email protected] [email protected] Sales Manager Kevin Capron [email protected]@swflparrot.com Photographers Kristen Randolph TheSneakyPhotographer Featured Writer MayorGonzoMaysHonorary Mayor, Key West [email protected] Contributing Writers Charlotte Lanier John Wright Jennifer Huber John Blundell Hawiian Bryan Distribution MarkRizzo
LetitiaRizzo
IncomingMessage Board KeyWestHonoraryMayorGonzoMaysBuffett News TwistedHumorCharlotte Harbor Parrot Head Bartender Of The Month Solo Travel Girl CookingWithChefBobOut & About LiveMusicScheduleFeatured Band TwistedTimesPuntaGordaChamberOfCommercePuzzlePagePhone Tap OTB EventsParrotScopesHawaiian Bryan’s Happy Hour
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Dear Parrot,Yourmobilewebsiteisgreat;Ihave started to use it regularly tofindoutwhat’sgoingonandwhere.IhavetheParrotbuttononthefirstpageonmyphonesoit’squickandeasy!Thankyou!Ihopeweseeyoualloutsometime!IhavebeenwantingtomeetBeaker!JuliaD.NorthPort
Hi All,MajorkudosgototheAugustissue!!Myfavoritesofar!(andIhavebeenaloyalreaderforquitesometimenow)Ilovedthecover!JohnPattiisoneofourfavoritemusicians,andIthoroughlyenjoyedhisinterview.AndImustsayIdid
notknowheplayeddrumsorspokeItalian.Itwasallveryinteresting.Thankyou,DarlaT.
HeyPeeps!Idon’tknowhowyoudoit,butthemusicvideoyouhad on the band page, it’s incredible!!!!!Wheredoyougetthisfrom???!!!Aftertheissue with the tag on the coverIfinallygaveinandupgradedtotheI-phone.NowIamfindingthesecodeseverywhere!Ilovehowyouhavemadethetagsomuchfuntouse.SueH.PuntaGorda
Brides-To-Be: Pre-Register TODAY to attend!www.weddingsofcharlotte.com
or email: [email protected]
New Vendors Welcome - Space is Limited
Meet Southwest Florida's PremierWedding & Event Professionals
Designed by HARBOR STYLE Magazine
The Parrot September 2011 Page 5
Message BoardMessage to our readers.....
Sunloft At The Corner Of Marion & TaylorNEW LOCATION!
Monday - Saturday 10 am - 7 pmSunday by Appiontment
www.lowkeytiki.comHello Parrot Peeps!
Here at the The Parrot Magazine we would like to wish The Charlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club Happy Birthday! We are very pround to be founding members
and the official media sponsor! Here is to many more!
The mag is available online and on smart phones. tablets and slates!
www.swflparrot.comAs Always Thank you for your continued
support! The Parrot Staff
Amy Heck, RealtorRE/MAX Palm Realty
www.BestPortCharlotteFloridaHomes.com
Excellent ServiceExceptional Results...
Page 6 September 2011 The Parrot
By Key West Honorary Mayor Gonzo Mays
Gonzo Continued on page 7.
“Elvis Sighted Fishing Off ShoreInTheFloridaKeys!AlienBodySnatchersRejectParisHilton!BlabbermouthParrotTestifiesAtDivorceTrail!BigfootTracksIndicateSalsaLessons!RedneckVampireAttacksTrailerPark!”Beamazedandamazeyourfriendswithamazingstoriesforonly$1.20perissuewhenyousubscribetodaytothemostreliable newspaper on earth – theWeeklyWorldNews!Irealizeyou’reprobablysickand tired of hearing about that pennybuteversinceIfoundthe penny the strangest things havebeenhappening.Toquicklyrecaptheweek:firstmyheadcameclosetobeingusedasachewtoyforasnarling,viciousandextremelypissed-offpitbull(seestory:MeetingTheFriendlyFamily’sHellDog)andadayorsolaterIwashelpingmydaughtertack-upaneighteen-handshigh rodeo steed when the beastwentberserk,trappingusinano-escapestallwhiletryingtokickthelivingdaylightsoutofus.Itwasatraumaticweekalrightandthementalwoundswere still fresh when the tidesoffortuneshiftedagain.However,thisnexttrialwasawelcomedrelief.IreceivedtheexcellentnewsthatIwastositinthecovetedoversizedEdithAnnAdirondackChairasthefeaturedJuly/Aug.interviewinAmerica’s#1travelmagazine–theKeyWestTravelHost!During the Q and A session the editorsaskedifIwouldsharemymostsecretwish.Myfirstinclinationwastosidestepthequestion by answering with somethingboringlyclever
Bat Boy Found In Keys!
like,“ifItold you it wouldn’t beasecretnow would it?”Butbetween you and me,I’vealways wanted tomeetthe Bat Child who was found seventeen years ago inacavesomeseven
milesunderground.Scientistsay his giant eyes see in the darkandhisearshearbetterthanradar.Well,yesofcourseIbelieveit.IreaditintheWeeklyWorldNews!!!Atleastonceinourliveswe’ve
all heard that we should be carefulofwhatwewishforbecauseitjustmightcometrue.WellI’mheretotestifytotheaccuracyofthatstatement.Ihadnoideathatthegrand
architectof the universe would be listening inonmyinterview and that Iwasinline for having a wish granted.Youcan’timaginemysurprise when a few days laterI
pick
upacopyofthelocalpaperand read that the Bat Boy was being held in Key West at the Red Barn Theater and was beingforcedtoperformina
musical.Theydon’tcallthisplaceKeyWeirdfornothing!Notimetospare,Ineededprovisions:infraredgoggles,scoopnet,cigar,twoPirate’sChoiceRumMojitos–onefor
eachhandandacameramantodocumenttotheworldthatBatBoydoesexist.OnamissiontosnagtheinfamousimpishcreatureIputthepedaltothemetal!Alittleknowntabloidfactoid:Waybackwhenthetabloid,theNationalEnquirermadetheexecutivedecisiontogocolorthey didn’t want to get rid of theoldblackn’whitepressesthatbroughtthemmuchofameandfortune.Soinsteadofmothballingthemachineryitwasdecidedtostartanewlowbudgetblackn’whitetabloidandtheretheWeeklyWorldNewswasborn.Afinelinebetween genius and insanity the result was the best and/or worstofyellowjournalism.Itwasnearingbat:30andthesunwasswiftlysinkingintotheseabutbeforeIcouldgettotheBatBoyIhadotherbusinesstotendtofirst.IhadpromisedJimmyBuffett’sarchivist,CindyThompson,thatIwoulddropbywithacoupleoffifthsofPirate’sChoiceRum.Shewasanxiousand already standing on the cornerofFlemingandDuvalwaitingtoconnectwiththepoontangcruiser’sgreatrumpassoff.Ithenmademywayup and over to Whitehead Street.IwasjustontheothersideofHemingway’sHousewhenIdiscoveredIhadnocashforpayparking.InrecordtimeIwasabletobegoffaprimoparkingspaceintheshadeofagumbolimbofromthesympatheticparkingattendant.Shirt, shorts, shoes, shamelesslyItookitalloff
Gonzo Electric Chair Chat
Get the free mobile app for your phone
http:/ /sw�parrot.com
The Parrot September 2011 Page 7
www.seakeywestexpress.com
Gonzo Continued From Page 6andchangedrightthereintheparkinglot.Igrabbedmyrecycledlobster-netturnedbat-netandpace-walkedtothecornerofAngelaandDuvaltoaplacecalledMango’stocatchThe Buzzz Babes livetelevisionshowwhereIwasscheduledtomakeanappearance.Funny,butwhentheyaskedmetoexplainmyprops and antsy behavior the skepticalhostspracticallyrippedthemicrophonefrommyhand.Iwasmorethanhappytobefreetogoaboutmymerrybathuntingbusiness.Bustin’ a gut to get out of theswankjointIranintotheisland’spolicechiefwhowasthereintheaudience.Idroppedthebatgearandgavehimaquickshouldermassageinhopesofearninga few future brownie points, all thewhilesendingasubliminalmessagethathenotansweracallpertainingtomebetweenthehoursof7:00and9:00pm,justincasemyplanswentaskew.Withmybat-netswungovermyshoulderIzigzaggedbackdownDuvalwhich,bythistime,wasuptoitsyeng-yang(Southernslangforuptoyourass)incruiseshippassengers.Howeverthecrowdedstreetallowedmetimetothinkanddeviseaplan.Iconcludedthatcapturingthe illusive Bat Boy wasn’t goingtobeaseasyasIhadfirstthoughtandthemoreIwalked,themoreIconvincedmyselfthatthiswasatwo-manoperation.Ineededtoemploya foolfoil.AsusualwhenCujocouldfinallybeofsomevaluetotheworld he was off on one of his self-imposedmentalinstitutionvacationssoIcalledonmyon-againoff-againt.v.producer,FernandoBarta,whoIcouldtell was dying to pal around but questioning the sanity of it all (suchaniceguythatFernandoisbutsoeasilysuckeredbythecutegirlwithasix-packofOld
Milwaukeebeerroutine).Locatingtheexactwhereabouts of the Bat Boy seemedsuspiciouslyeasy,justa straight shot or two down Duval,behindtheWoman’sClub,inashadycourtyardwithoverhangingtrees.TherewerepeoplemeanderingaboutandIhavetoadmititwasprettygutsy of Fernando to use himselfasalureyettroublingtowatchagrownmansquawklikeachickenindistress.Heassuredmethat“Batslikechickenblood!”Ihadafeelingthiswasn’tthefirsttimehehaddonethissortofthing.FromwhereIbelievedtheBatBoytobehiding,IstoodmotionlessaroundthecornerlikeabiggamehunteronaZimbabweSafari–andwithmybackpressedagainstthewallIheldthebat-netsteadyandhighoverhead.Iwasasnervousasasix-toedcatata pool party and feared being bitten by the befangled one whenthedoorsuddenlyflewopen!ThereIwaseye-to-eyewiththeoncemythicalBatChildwho was now a full grown Bat Boy!!!WitheveryounceofmybeingIletoutarebelyellthatcouldbe heard ‘round the island and withmytrustybat-netIsnaredtheonlylivinghalf-bathalf-boycreatureknowntoman.Andforallyounaysayers,I’vegotthet-shirtandthephotostoproveit!Ifyou’renotbatphobic,havecat-likereflexesandcanseeinthedark,youtoocancatchaglimpseoftheBatBoyattheRedBarn–butbequickaboutit before he ends up a trophy onthewallofsomebiggamehunter.RemembertotuneinformoreMayorGonzoadventures–samebattime,samebatplace,samebattymagazine.Foranyparanormalactivities,globalconspiracies,mutantfreaksorterrestrialsightingscontactMayorGonzoMaysatwww.GonzoIsland.com.
Page 8 September 2011 The Parrot
OCTAGON
Wildlife Sanctuary
41660 Horseshoe Road
Punta Gorda, FL 33982
(239) 543-1130
Welcome to Octagon Wildlife Sanctuary where our mission is to provide a healthy recovery and living environment for abandoned and abused exotic wildlife. Since the mid 1970's, Octagon has been rescuing and rehabili-tating exotic wildlife. With continued support from our volunteers, the community, and donations from visitors like you, we look forward to continuing on with our mission. Families, seniors, individuals - pack a picnic lunch and spend the day at Octagon. We are wheelchair accessible and have beverages available for purchase. There are multiple areas to sit, eat, relax,
or cool off at the misting stations. Please check the weather before you come and
dress appropriately!Our Beloved Residents
Some of our residents over the years have been cousins to native Floridians such as black bears, panthers,
bobcats, and various bird and reptile species. Other residents, whose relatives come from distant lands, can be found on endan-gered, threatened, or vulnerable species lists.
Those species who reside with us today are the Amur Leopard (Russian Far East/Northern China), the Serval (Africa),
the Brown Bear (Europe/Asia/North America), the Asian (Himalayan) Black Bear, the Bengal Tiger (Southern Asia), and the Ocelot (US/Central &South Americas) just to name a few.
None of our animals have been taken from the wild!!! They ALL have come from abused, injured, or unwanted situations. Many are 17 to 20 year generations of being born, raised and sold in captivity to be someone's "pet" and or "business".
Octagon Wildlife
Sanctuary Video
Directions
Download Your Free Mobile App for your phone: swflparrot.com
www.raggedasssaloon.com
Twisted HumorA “Drunk” Taster Applied Inanalcoholfactorytheregular taster died and the directorwasinurgentneedoflookingforareplacement.Adrunkardwithragged,dirtylookcametoapplyfortheposition..Thedirectorofthefactorywonderedhowtosendhimaway.Theytestedhim.Theygavehimaglasswithadrink.Hetrieditandsaid,“It’sredwine,amuscat,three years old, grown on a northslope,maturedinsteelcontainers.””That’scorrect”,saidtheboss.Anotherglass.“It’sredwine,Cabernet,eightyearsold,asouth-westernslope,oakbarrels.”“Correct.”Athirdglass.‘’It’schampagne,highgradeandexclusive’’calmlysaidthedrunk.Thedirectorwasastonished.
Hewinkedathissecretarytosuggestsomething.Shebroughtinaglassofurine.Thealcoholictriedit.“It’sablond, 26 years old, pregnant inthethirdmonth.Andifyoudon’tgivemethejob,I’llnamethefather!”
A Newfoundland farmer namedAngushadacaraccident.HewashitbyatruckownedbytheEversweetCompany.Incourt,theEversweetCompany’shot-shotsolicitorwasquestioningAngus.‘Didn’tyou say to the RCMP at the sceneoftheaccident,‘I’mfine?’askedthesolicitor.Angusresponded:‘Well,I’lltellyouwhathappened.I’djustloadedmyfav’ritcow,Bessie,intoda...‘
The Parrot September 2011 Page 9
www.jdsbistroandgrille.com
www.msrascalsloonybin.com
Live Entertainment Every Wed. – SundayDJ Mon & Tues. nights
Weds. Ladies Night
MOBILE WEBSITE
Pioneer days ad
‘Ididn’taskforanydetails’,thesolicitorinterrupted.‘Justanswerthequestion.Didyounotsay,atthesceneoftheaccident,‘I’mfine!’?’Angussaid,‘Well,I’djustgotBessieintodatrailerandIwasdrivin’downdaroad....‘Thesolicitorinterruptedagain and said,’Your Honour, Iamtryingtoestablishthefactthat,atthesceneoftheaccident,thismantoldthepoliceonthescenethathewasfine.Nowseveralweeksaftertheaccident,heistryingtosuemyclient.Ibelieveheisafraud.Pleasetellhimtosimplyanswerthequestion.‘Bythistime,theJudge was fairly interested in Angus’ answer and said to thesolicitor:‘I’dliketohearwhat he has to say about his favouritecow,Bessie’.AngusthankedtheJudgeandproceeded.‘WellasIwassaying,Ihadjustloaded
Bessie,myfav’ritcow,intode trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweettruckandtrailercametunderingtruastopsignandhitmetrailerrightindaside.IwastrownintooneditchandBessiewastrownintodaudder.ByJaysusIwashurt,verybadlike,anddidn’twanttomove.However,IcouldhearoldBessiemoanin’andgroanin’.Iknewshewasin terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her.. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feelin’?’ ‘Now wot da ---- would you say?’
Twisted Humor Continued From Page 8
Page 10 September 2011 The Parrot
Twisted HumorSunburn treatment A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep onthebeachforseveralhoursand got a horrible sunburn, specificallytohisupperlegs.He went to the hospital, and waspromptlyadmittedafterbeingdiagnosedwithsecond-degreeburns.Withhisskinalready starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctorprescribedcontinuousintravenous feeding with saline,electrolytes,asedative,andaViagrapilleveryfourhours.Thenurse,who was rather astounded, asked,‘WhatgoodwillViagradoforhim,Doctor’?‘Itwon’tdoanythingforhiscondition,butit’llkeepthesheetsoffhislegs.
Earl and Leroy saw an ad intheStarkvilleDailyNewsnewspaperinStarkville,Mississippi , and bought a mulefor$100.Thefarmeragreedtodeliverthemulethenextday.Thenextmorningthefarmerdroveupandsaid,“Sorry,fellows,Ihavesomebadnews,themulediedlastnight.”EarlandLeroyreplied,“Well, then just give us our moneyback.”Thefarmersaid,“Cain’tdothat.Iwentandspentitalready.”Theysaid, “OK then, just bring us thedeadmule.”Thefarmerasked,“Whatintheworldya’llgonnadowithadeadmule?”Leroysaid,“Wegonnarafflehimoff.”Thefarmersaid,“Youcan’traffleoffadeadmule!”Earlsaid,“Weshorcan!Heck,wedon’thaftatellnobodyhe’sdead!”Acoupleofweekslater,thefarmerran into Earl and Leroy at the PigglyWigglygrocerystoreandasked“What’dyoufellers
everdowiththatdeadmule?”Theysaid,”Weraffledhimofflikewesaidwewuzgonnado.”Leroysaid,”Shucks,wesold500ticketsfer$2apieceandmadeaprofitof$998.”Thefarmersaid,”Goldern,didn’tanyonecomplain?”Earlsaid, “Well, the feller who won gotupset.Sowegavehimhistwodollarsback.”EarlandLeroynowworkforthegub’ment.They’reoverseein’theStimulusProgram.
I dialed a number and got thefollowingrecording:“Iamnot available right now, but thankyouforcaringenoughtocall.Iammakingsomechangesinmylife.PleaseleaveamessageaftertheBeep.IfIdonotreturnyourcall,Youareoneofthechanges.”
What’s the difference between stress, tension andpanic?Stressiswhenwife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, AndPaniciswhenbotharepregnant. A young boy askshisDad,“Whatisthedifferencebetweenconfidentandconfidential?”Dadsays,“Youaremyson,I’mconfidentaboutthat.Yourfriendoverthere,isalsomyson,that’sconfidential.”
A three-year-old boy wasexamininghistesticlesWhiletakingabath.“Mom”heasked,“arethesemybrains?”“Notyet,”shereplied.
Italian PregnancyAn18yearoldItaliangirltells
Bu�ettNews.com has part-nered with Margari-taville
Online (THQ) and will be provid-ing weekly updates about MVO development and major announcements leading up to the o�cial release in October 2011.
Margaritaville Online shares a sneak peak at one of the in-game maps, Isla Margarita. Yes, you will
be able to ex-plore this
whole island!
Every Monday the Margaritaville Online Facebook Page will be providing the community with updates surrounding develop-ment. Most of the time it will consist of a screenshot, video, or developer blog update. The excitement starts now!
Knee Deep reaches #1 on Billboard’s Country Chart country single for Jimmy Bu�ett, who’s featured on the track and tops the charts for the �rst
time since his 2003 collaboration with Alan Jackson, ‘It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere.’Knee Deep also comes in at #19 on Billboards Hot 100 Chart.
Knee Deep Contest – win the message in the bottleFrom the Zac Brown Band website: Remember that night you got locked out of your beach house and had to sleep under the boardwalk? Or that time you underestimated the amount of space you had to do a �ip o� the diving board and ended up doing an epic belly-�op that landed you in the ER? Remember when your 4th of July �reworks caught your neighbors house on �re? Maybe you don’t remember anything after a tequila-fueled night of debauch-ery… Well, you’re in luck! Inspired by the crazy summer mis-adventure from their latest music video for “Knee Deep,” Zac Brown Band wants to hear your funniest summer mishap story. Grand Prize is the message in a bottle used in the Knee Deep video signed by both Zac Brown and Jimmy Bu�ett! Winner will also receive a Knee Deep T-Shirt and Kingsford Grill Pack.
Get the free mobile app for your phone
Video of NEW Margaritaville FB Game
The Parrot September 2011 Page 11
Drive By Shooting
Twisted HumorherMomthatshehasmissedherperiodfor2months.Veryworried,themothergoesto the drugstore and buys apregnancykit.Thetestresult shows that the girl is pregnant.Shouting,cursing,crying,themothersays,‘Whowasa the pig that did this to you?Iwanttoknow!’Thegirlpicksupthephoneandmakesacall.Halfanhourlater, a Ferrari stops in front oftheirhouse.AmatureanddistinguishedmanwithgrayhairandimpeccablydressedinanArmanisuitstepsoutof a Ferrari and enters the house.Hesitsinthelivingroomwiththefather,mother,andthegirlandtellsthem:‘Goodmorning,yourdaughterhasinformedmeoftheproblem’.‘Ican’tmarryherbecauseofmypersonalfamilysituationbutI’lltakecharge.Iwillpayallcostsandprovidefor your daughter for the rest ofherlife.Additionally,ifagirlisborn,Iwillbequeatha Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,abeach-frontvilla,anda$2,000,000bankaccount..Ifaboyisborn,mylegacywillbeacoupleoffactoriesanda$4,000,000bankaccount.Iftwins,theywillreceiveafactoryand$2,000,000each.However,ifthereisamiscarriage,whatdoyousuggestIdo?’Atthispoint, the father, who had remainedsilentholdingashotgun,placesahandfirmlyontheman’sshoulder,lookshimdirectlyintheeyesandtellshim:“Youagonnatryagain.”
A woman was in bed with her lover When she heard her husband opening
thefrontdoor.‘Hurry,’shesaid,‘standinthecorner.’Sherubbedbabyoilalloverhim,Thendustedhimwithtalcumpowder.‘Don’tmoveuntilItellyou,’Shesaid.‘Pretendyou’reastatue.’‘What’sthis?’the husband inquired As he enteredtheroom.‘Ohit’sastatue,’shereplied.‘TheSmithsboughtoneandIlikeditSoIgotoneforus,too.’Nomorewassaid,Notevenwhentheywenttobed.Around 2 AM the husband got up,WenttothekitchenandreturnedWithasandwichandabeer.‘Here,’hesaidtothestatue,‘havethis.IstoodlikethatfortwodaysattheSmithsAndnobodyofferedmeadamnedthing.’
Aspire to inspire before you expire. My wifeandIhadwords,ButIdidn’tgettousemine. Frustration istryingtofindyour glasses without your glasses.
The irony of life is that, by thetimeYou’reoldenoughtoknowyourwayaround,You’renotgoinganywhere.
SEPT. SHOWS
9191
The Comedy Zone starts at 8PM
Sunday-
“Elvis Tribute”
Jerry Farber Mark Evans
27
Jimmy MazzViva Las Vegas SEPT 21st - 24th
et the free mobile app for your phone
20
SEPT 1st - 3rd
SEPT 7th - 10thGREG MORTON
SEPT 14th - 17th
SEPT 27th - 30thGrandma Lee
Mutzie Greg Hall
Tim Wilkins
13
Al Holland Troy NicholsBest of Soul &
Motown Tribute
Page 12 September 2011 The Parrot
www.chphc.comCharlotte Harbor Parrot Head Club
Written by Charlotte Lanier aka Charlie RoseHey Charlotte Harbor Parrotheads, what tiiiiiime is it? It’s time to sign up for Meeting of the Minds…assuming it is not already SOLD OUT by the time this goes to press. Go to www.phip.com to see. Official dates are November 3rd-6th. You must be a member in good standing of a Parrothead club to register, and trust me, they check. If you have never been to Key West during MOTM you are missing one helluva great time!! Live music everywhere! All you favorites and new ones to be found!
And, on Friday night on the Casa lawn they hold the Margarita MAFIA’s annual Trop Rock Music Awards. This is the grammy’s of our own little genre of music. Most all of our local musicians are up for an award or four, the three-time-winning Nav-a-Gator is up for it’s fourth shot at the Live Music Venue and three of the five House Concert Venues belong to CHPHC members: Tami Tower’s house with the waterfront view (yours truly has not yet had the pleasure), Mark & Sharon Leverett with The Yard and Terry & Marianne Higgins with the Higgins Mostly Bar & Grill. If you are a member of the Margarita MAFIA be sure to vote before Sept. 30th. And my boy Jack Mosley is up for Songwriter of the Year (hint, hint, wink, wink). Good Luck to all in the running!
OK, on to actual club stuff. August’s meeting
was a little damp but we persevered. Jimi Pappas kept the tunes flowing, we had five new members, Regina Sedar won $142 in the 50/50 raffle and Gail Phillips, Crazy Bob & Carolyn McBride, and Bret Engle won the “Love Charlotte Harbor” contest. Yours truly had some help from Dee & Mike Porter at the Membership Table so I got to “get out from behind the table” for a while. Thanks a bunch!
The casino trip Linda Harrison help organize was a grand success. 50 parrotheads took the bus over to the Seminole Casino in Immokalee and help raise $750, and I’m sure everyone had a great time. If yours truly recalls correctly the casino offered $$ for gambling, a free margarita
and had Caribbean Chillers playing for the group. The Visani comedy show on August 2nd was a success as well, raising $360. Very cool.
Our fabulous 4th Birthday Party is over Labor Day
weekend and if you are just now reading about it for the first time you have missed a wonderful weekend. Read all about it in October’s issue. Our next meeting will be Sept. 13th with music by Latitude and monthly donations will be school supplies. October will bring us Paul Roush, a new transplant to the area, and donations will be non-perishable or canned foods and laundry products.
Be sure to check the weekly e-mails for specifics.On a more solemn note, on this 10th anniversary of 9/11 I just wanted to say: ”United We Stand”, “Freedom Isn’t Free” and “Never Forget”.
Ok, that’s it for now. Our website is www.chphc.com. If you want to join this crazy club you can print out an app and mail it or join us at the next meeting, the second Tuesday of the month at the Coral Rock Tiki Bar (NE corner of Kings Hwy & US41). Some folks start getting there around 5:30, and the “official stuff” starts
Get the free mobile app for your phonehttp:/ /gettag.mobiCasino Trip Video
around 6:00. Hope to see you there. And remember, “Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been”.Photos by our Second Parrot
The Parrot September 2011 Page 13
www.Starboardyachtinc.com
38’ Carver Santeago $65,000 27’ Glasstron GS 2004 $28,50020’ Lake & Bay Boca Grande 2008$38,900
, 42’ Sabre 42 Centerboard1887 $135,000
Ed G. Correctly Identified Beakers Location! Beaker
was at Starboard Yacht
Brokeragein Punta Gorda
Al’s Tiki Bar
alstikibar.com
2-4-1
DRINK SPECIALS
LIVE
ENTERTAINMENT
GARY & KERRI Sept. 112-5 PM
Come by Boat or Car to....
GREAT FOOD& FUN!
3448 Marinatown Ln. North Fort Myers
WEBSITE
Page 14 September 2011 The Parrot
Bartender of the Month
Featured Drink of the MonthLow Key Tiki Red
Nicky SecorskiHow long have you been bartending? 7 years
What do you do in your spare time? Iliketogolf,andexplorethearea;Ihaveonlybeenherefor2years.
What kind of music do you listen to? I’mabigfanofclassicrockandsomenewweirdstuff.
Beth SweetHow long have you been bartending? 20 years
What do you like about working here?WorkinghereisFUN!NoSTRESS!Thereisagreatgroupoflocals.
What kind of music do you listen to?Ilikealmosteverything!DonnatheBuffaloandIlovebluegrass.
Low Key Tiki 3135 Stringfellow Rd. St. James City, Florida
(239) 282-8454 www.lowkeytiki.com
The Parrot September 2011 Page 15
Actual Comments Made By Charlotte Country Officers1.“Youknow,stoplightsdon’tcomeanyredderthantheoneyoujustwentthrough.”2.“Relax,thehandcuffsaretightbecausethey’renew.They’llstretchafteryouwearthemawhile.”3.“Ifyoutakeyourhandsoffthecar,I’llmakeyourbirthcertificateaworthlessdocument.”4.“Ifyourun,you’llonlygotojailtired.”5.“Canyourunfasterthan1200feetpersecond?Becausethat’sthespeedofthebulletthat’llbechasingyou.”6.“Youdon’tknowhowfastyouweregoing?IguessthatmeansIcanwriteanythingIwanttoontheticket,huh?”7.“Yes,sir,youcantalktotheshiftsupervisor,butIdon’tthinkitwillhelp.Oh,didImentionthatI’mtheshiftsupervisor?”8.“Warning!Youwantawarning?O.K,I’mwarningyounottodothatagainorI’llgiveyouanotherticket.”9.“Theanswertothislastquestionwilldeterminewhetheryouaredrunkornot.
WasMickeyMouseacatoradog?”10.“Fair?Youwantmetobefair?Listen,fairisaplacewhere you go to ride on rides, eatcottoncandyandcorndogsandstepinmonkeypoop.”11.“Yeah,wehaveaquota.Twomoreticketsandmywifegetsatoasteroven.”12.“InGodWeTrust;allotherswerunthroughNCIC.”13.“Justhowbigwerethose‘twobeers’yousayyouhad?”14.“Nosir,wedon’thavequotasanymore.Weusedto,but now we’re allowed to write asmanyticketsaswecan.”15.“I’mgladtohearthattheChief(ofPolice)isapersonalfriendofyours.Soyouknowwhocanpostyourbail.”16.“Youdidn’tthinkwegiveprettywomentickets?You’reright,wedon’t.Signhere.”
Three nuns were attending araysbaseballgame.Threemenweresittingdirectlybehindthem.Becausetheirhabitswerepartiallyblockingtheview,themendecidedto badger the nuns, hoping they’d get annoyed enough tomovetoanotherarea.Inaveryloudvoice,thefirstguysaid,“ithinki’mgoingtomovetoutah.Thereareonly100nunslivingthere.”Thenthesecondguyspokeupandsaidloudly,”iwanttomovetomontana.Thereareonly5onunslivingthere.”Thethird guy yelled, “i want to go toidaho.Thereareonly25nunslivingthere.”Themothersuperior turned around, lookedatthemen,andinaverysweetandcalmvoicesaid, “why don’t you go to hell...Therearen’tanynunsthere.”
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Page 16 September 2011 The Parrot
Going to Rehab in
Punta Gorda JenniferA.Huber
212 W. Virginia Ave Punta Gorda, Fl 33950
(941) 575-4400
Divine Hair Co. A Salon with your overall vitality in mind. We strive to offer sevices & products that use ingredients made with the most
pure extracts for significant results.
Come in and relax, while we take care of you!
Drinking beer can save a critter. That’s if that beer, or any other beverage, is in an aluminum can. We all use them and rather than sticking aluminum cans out to the curb to be recycled, consider bringing them to Peace River Wildlife Center so the nonprofit facility can convert them to cash. I’ve visited the animal rehabilitation center before and recently had the opportunity to learn how it operates.. It’s quite incredible how much the facility accomplishes, especially since it is fully funded through donations. Located in Ponce de Leon Park in Punta Gorda, the Center provides tender care to injured and orphaned native wildlife, whether it a bird, reptile or even a deer (sorry, no venomous snakes permitted). The Center’s mission is to return rehabilitated animals back to their natural habitat but if animals are not able to return to the wild, they will be given a permanent home at the facility.
During my visit, I viewed some abandoned and injured wildlife recuperating including a snugly opossum named Peter Pan (because he refuses to grow up)
and a small gopher tortoise that met the teeth of a dog and was now healing nicely. I also noticed a funny thing. Native, non-injured birds also
like hanging out there. Perhaps they enjoy the company of other birds but I suspect it’s the guarantee of a meal or two. Speaking of meals, I saw one of the volunteers cutting up lunch. Apparently, one of the resident vultures is quite picky about her food and her rats need to be properly skinned and chopped up to a specific size. No bigger. No smaller. Just right. This
vulture despises rat feet but her neighbor gobbles them up. Who knew vultures were so finicky? Birds at Peace River Wildlife are very entertaining. Visit around 2:30 for the afternoon pelican feeding frenzy, try chatting up Spirit the
Raven, play peekaboo with the owls and pay attention to how the birds on the inside interact with those coming for a visit.
Admission is free into the Peace River Wildlife Center and donations are accepted since the facility relies on donations to fund ALL operations. The facility is open seven days a
week (closed for Christmas) and tours are offered twice daily. And don’t forget your aluminum cans! (3400 Ponce de Leon Parkway, Punta Gorda, www.
peaceriverwildlifecenter.com) Planking. (Almost) Everyone’s Doing It I finally planked for the first
time last month. Can you kids tell me if that’s the correct terminology? If you don’t know what planking is, it’s the act of lying flat on an unusual surface (i.e.: trash can) with your arms by your side so you look like a, well, a wooden “plank.” My friend Zelda Mae drove down from Sarasota one night for a belated birthday celebration at Punta Gorda’s Opus restaurant. I was on a mission to prove to her that indeed, Charlotte County has it going on compared to Sarasota’s nightlife. For some reason, I thought it’d be a great idea to “plank” in Laishley Park and so I did. Zelda Mae opted for a vertical plank. I realize posting photos online is part of the planking game, however, the next day it didn’t seem like the great idea it was
the night before. So tell me, are you a planker? If so, drop me a line and tell me where you’ve done it. Reach me at [email protected].
The Parrot September 2011 Page 17
www.jdsbistroandgrille.com
www.myoceanpartners.com
Phone: 941-627-OCEANFax: 941-627-0423 www.myoceanpartners.comemail: [email protected]
1600 El Jobean Rd. Port Charlotte Fl 33948
“Live where you play”Waterfront Homes
Starting in the Low 100’s
Page 18 September 2011 The Parrot
Kara & Richard at The Ragged Ass Saloon
John & Margo
Debra Mosley Running for Honary Mayor Of Pioneer
Days
Best Pirate Crew at Waterside Grille
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For more Pics Click Tag
Godsmack, with lead singer Sully Erna at the helm,
performed during the 2011 Rockstar Energy Drink
Mayhem Festival in Tampa, recently. Photo by Tami Garcia
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For more Pics Click Tag
The Parrot September 2011 Page 19
Carol and the family at Visani’s Comedy Club
Low Key Tiki Bar, Here’s to good friends! Cheers!
Poker Run, Lobster Dinner winners at Flounder’s
For more Low Key Tiki Pics Click Tag
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Rocky Horror Picture Show night at JD’s Bistro
Get the free mobile app for your phonehttp:/ /gettag.mobi
For more Pics Click Tag
Page 20 September 2011 The Parrot
SeptemberThursday 1st
Beans & Seeds – Pineapples~7-10pmAcousticPete–SKOB~7-11pmJackMosley–LockNKey~7-10pmFriday 2nd
SlickWilly–HarpoonHarry’s~9-12:30amBeans & Seeds – Fishermen’sVillage~5-9pmLiveEntertainment–JD’sBistroSwampDonkie–SKOB~2-6pmRisingTide–SKOB~8-MidSunnyJim–PortofinosCHPHC~8am-4pmGary&Kerri–PortofinosCHPHCParty!John Friday – CHPHC BirthdayBash!~12pmSaturday 3rd
SlickWilly–HarpoonHarry’s~9-12:30amCindy & Marshall – Ragged AssSaloon~2-5pmLiveEntertainment–JD’sBistro
ReconnectionsBand–Fishermen’sVillage~5-9pmMarkDuprey–WatersideGrill/Gasparilla Marina ~ 6-9pmDana&Co.–SKOB~2-6pmMikeTozier–SKOB~8-MidJackMosley–CHPHCBirthdayBashw/band!SunnyJim–Bentley/Osprey~5-8pmJohn Friday – Bubba’s Roadhouse~8pmJohn Reno – CHPHC Birthday BashSwampDonkie–TarponPointe/Bradenton~2-5pmSwampDonkie–IceHousePub~8-11pmSunday 4th
Sand Fleas – Ragged Ass Saloon~2-5pmBeans & Seeds – Gasparilla Marina Waterside Grill ~ 2-5pmCalypso w/Cort – SKOB ~ 2-6pmChrisOtto–SKOB~7-11pmSunnyJim–Nav-A-Gator~1-5pm
JohnFriday–Nav-A-Gator~12pmCindyWalsh–Nav-A-Gator~1-6pmJohnFrinzi–Nav-A-Gator~1pm
JohnReno–Nav-A-GatorGary&Kerri–Nav-A-GatorMonday 5th
Nexxlevel–HarpoonHarry’s~12:30-4:30pmBeans & Seeds – Englewood Pioneer Days ParadeTonyTyler–SKOB~7-11pmTuesday 6th
MyakkaBlueGrassBand–Gasparilla Marina/Waterside Grill Wednesday 7th
Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~6-9pmKettle of Fish – SKOB ~ 7-11pmThursday 8th
LonnieHendrix–LowKeyTiki~6-8pmBeans&Seeds–Zeke’sBar&Grill~6-9pmJeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 6-10pmAcousticPete–SKOB~7-11pmGary&Kerri–LockNKey~7-10pmFriday 9th
TropicalAve.–HarpoonHarry’s~9-12:30amBeans & Seeds – Saltwater Café~7-11pmJoy&theGang–Alli-Gators~7-11pm
LiveEntertainment–JD’sBistroFremontJohn–Fishermen’sVillage~5-9pmSwampDonkie–SKOB~2-6pmRisingTide–SKOB~8-MidSwampDonkie–McCabe’sIrishPub~7-10pmSaturday 10th
TropicalAve.–HarpoonHarry’s~9-12:30amStormSurge–Gatorz~5-9pmJoy & the Gang – Lion’s Den @KingsGate~6-8pmLiveEntertainment–JD’sBistroPaulCottrell–Fishermen’sVillage~5-9pmKenny Rose – Waterside Grill/GasparillaMarina~6-9pmTheVentura’s–SKOB~2-6pm
MikeTozier–SKOB~8-MidJackMosley–EnglewoodsonDearborn~7-11pmJohnFriday–Nav-A-Gator~2pmGary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ 2-6pmSwampDonkie–TarponPointe/Bradenton~2-5pmSwampDonkie–IceHousePub~8-11pmSunday 11th
Cindy&theSunDogs-RaggedAssSaloon~2-5pmGary&Kerri–Al’sTikiBar~2-5pmFremontJohn–WatersideGrill/Gasparilla Marina ~ 2-5pmCalypso w/Cort – SKOB ~
The Parrot September 2011 Page 21
www.nav-a-gator.com
* Times and dates are subject to change.
2-6pmChrisOtto–SKOB~7-11pmMonday 12th
TonyTyler–SKOB~7-11pmTuesday 13th
Soul & Motown Tribute – Visani’s~7:30pmMyakkaBlueGrassBand–Gasparilla Marina/Waterside GrillLatitude–CoralRock/CHPHC~6-9pmWednesday 14th
Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~6-10pmKettle of Fish – SKOB ~ 7-11pm
Thursday 15th
Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 6-10pmAcousticPete–SKOB~7-11pmSwampDonkie–Nav-A-Gator~6-9pmFriday 16th
LiveEntertainment–JD’sBistroMagen&Mike–Fishermen’sVillage~5-9pmTropicalAve.–JoeCracker~8-MidSwampDonkie–SKOB~2-6pmRisingTide–SKOB~8-MidJackMosley–Nav-A-Gator~7-10pmGary & Kerri – Dean’s North oftheBorder~7-11pmSaturday 17th
Burnt Out Band – Ragged Ass Saloon~2-5pmBeans & Seeds – Casey Key FishHouse~4:30-8:30pmLiveEntertainment–JD’sBistroMichaelHirst–Fishermen’s
Village~5-9pmPaul Cottrell – Waterside Grill/GasparillaMarina~6-9pmTropicalAve.–WhiteElephant~7-11pmDana&Co.–SKOB~2-6pmMikeTozier–SKOB~8-MidJackMosley–TBPHCBirthdayBash!Latitude–Nav-A-Gator~2-5pmGary & Kerri – Farlow’s on the Water~6:30-10:30pmSwampDonkie–TarponPointe/Bradenton~2-5pmSwampDonkie–McCabe’sIrishPub~7-10pmSunday 18th
MartyStokes–RaggedAssSaloon~2-5pmKenny Rose – Waterside Grill/GasparillaMarina~2-5pmJeffHughes–Zeke’s/RoyalPalm~3-6pmCalypso w/Cort – SKOB ~ 2-6pmChrisOtto–SKOB~7-11pmGary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ 2-6pmMonday 19th
TonyTyler–SKOB~7-11pmTuesday 20th
JimmyMazzVivaLasVegas–Visani’s~7:30pmMyakkaBlueGrassBand–Gasparilla Marina/Waterside GrillJohn Reno – Honoluana IslandGrill~6-9pmWednesday 21st
Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~6-10pmKettle of Fish – SKOB ~ 7-11pmThursday 22nd
Gary&Kerri–LowKeyTiki~6-8pmJeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 6-10pmAcousticPete–SKOB~7-11pmFriday 23rd
Nexxlevel–HarpoonHarry’s~9-12:30amBeans & Seeds – Saltwater Café~7-11pmLiveEntertainment–JD’s
BistroTropicalAve.–Slip-Not~8-MidSwampDonkie–SKOB~2-6pmRisingTide–SKOB~8-MidJackMosley–EnglewoodsonDearborn~7-11pmGary & Kerri – Dean’s South oftheBorder~8-MidSwampDonkie–McCabe’sIrishPub~7-10pmSaturday 24th
Nexxlevel–HarpoonHarry’s~9-12:30amMikeImbasciani–LowKeyTiki~4-7pm Beans & Seeds – Gasparilla Marina Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmLiveEntertainment–JD’sBistroTheDoo-WopCrew–Fishermen’sVillage~5-9pmTropicalAve.–WhiteElephant~7-11pmDana&Co.–SKOB~2-6pmMikeTozier–SKOB~8-MidGary&Kerri–Nav-A-Gator~6-9pmSwampDonkie–TarponPointe/Bradenton~2-5pmSwampDonkie–IceHousePub~8-11pmSunday 25th
Beans&Seeds–Zeke’sBar&Grill~3-6pmFremontJohn–WatersideGrill/Gasparilla Marina ~ 2-5pmCalypso w/Cort – SKOB ~ 2-6pmChrisOtto–SKOB~7-11pm
JohnFrinzi–Nav-A-Gator~2pmGary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ 2-6pmMonday 26th
TonyTyler–SKOB~7-11pmTuesday 27th
ElvisTributeShow–Visani’s~7:30pmMyakkaBlueGrassBand–Gasparilla Marina/Waterside GrillJohn Reno – Honoluana IslandGrill~6-9pmWednesday 28th
Joy & the Gang – Flounder’s ~6-10pmKettle of Fish – SKOB ~ 7-11pmThursday 29th
Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 6-10pmAcousticPete–SKOB~7-11pmGary & Kerri – Dean’s North oftheBorder~7-11pmFriday 30th
LiveEntertainment–JD’sBistroFremontJohn–Fishermen’sVillage~5-9pmTropicalAve.–JoeCracker~8-MidSwampDonkie–SKOB~2-6pmRisingTide–SKOB~8-MidJackMosley–RoyalPalmMarina~7-11pmGary & Kerri – Farlow’s on the Water~6:30-10:30pm
Page 22 September 2011 The Parrot
(TPM)ThismonthweareherewithGaryandKerri.Higuys!Wehavewantedtofeature the two of you for a while!Iamsogladwearefinallyabletogettogether!(TPM) Let’s start at the beginning, Kerri, when did you realize you had that voice? (G&K)IrealizedthatIwantedtosingwhenIwas4yearsold.(TPM) Have either of your performed separately? Or have you always been a duo? (G&K)Gary:IhavemadealivingplayingmyguitarsinceIwas17yearsold.Thelastseven years have been with Kerri and for years before thatItraveledtheworldwithvarious artists as a Lead Guitar player as well as the musicdirector.Kerri:Ihavebeensingingprofessionally on and off for 22 years, the last seven with Garyconsistently.(TPM) How did you get your start? (G&K)Gary:Iwasworkingasamanagerofalargeconglomerategrocerystorechainanddecidedoneday,“thehellwiththis”andwenthome,pickedupmyguitarandneverlookedback.ThatledmetoGIT(GuitarInstituteofTechnology)inLasAngeles,California.ThereIsignedwithJimmy
Collins and had a hit on the radio as well as C M T in1992.From
thereIworkedwithanumber
of groups traveling the globe and living life
whichledmetoplayatFarmAid.4yearsoftheLasVegasmusicianlifeleadtoplayingguitar with The Platters who broughtmetoSWFin2000andshortlythereafter,Iwroteandreleased“911”fortheNYPD&NYFDwhileworkingforJimMorriswhoshowedmethetroprockworld.HebroughtinKerriforsomevocaltracksandshehasbeenrockinmyworldeversince.MystratandmesaboogieturnedintoaTayloracoustic.Kerri:IstartedsinginginchurchfestivalsandforlocalChristiannetworktelevisionprogramminginClearwater,FL.ThenIgotmyfirstauditionforalocaldancebandwhereformermemberssuchas“GingerFish”(fromthebandMarylinManson)gotstarted.UnfortunatelyformeIwasfiredafteronlyeightmonthsandhadtotakesometime
off.ThenIplayedinastringofbandsalongtheway.UntilImetGary.OhYeah,andIgot to sing with Rod Stewart in 1997.(TPM) What would you say has been your biggest success in your music career? (G&K)Gary:AnytimeIdon’tbreakastringandamacceptedbyanyaudienceissuccessenoughtokeeppickin,thebestisyettocome.Kerri,andoursonsaremymuse,andGodistheprovider.Kerri:ThemostsuccessIhaveeverhadplayingmusiciswith
Gary.Wehavetheentirepackagetogether,wehaveanentirelifetogether.Thatissuccesstome.(TPM) What do you like most about working together? (G&K)Gary:Weareallornothing,togetherallthetime.Kerri:WegettocallallofourownshotsMusically.(TPM) Where do you want to take your music career? (G&K)Therearenolimitswhenitcomestomusic.(TPM) Kerri, what is something Gary would not want us to know?Answer:IthoughtthatGarywasalittleshywhenIfirstmethim.(Iknowyouarealllaughing).Thenonenightwhile we were hanging outwithfriendsafteraJimMorris show that we had all performedin,Garyaskedme“MissKerriMam,doyouknowhowtotwostep”?IknewhewasfromTexasandmefromNJandgrewupinFloridaIdidnotknowhowtotwostep.Itoldhim“nobutIbetyouaregonnateachme”,hedid.Therestishistory.Oh yeah and he loves cinnamonpoptartsandsardines.
(TPM) Sardines ewwww, Ididnotknowthat!Butseriously, you are both so talented and very fortunate to haveoneanother,Iloveyourstory!That’sitguys!Thankyousomuch!! See you out& aboutsoon!
By:KristenRandolph
Featured Artist
All Or Nothing.....Gary &Kerri
Get the free mobile app for your phonehttp:/ /gettag.mobi
Play Music Video
The Parrot September 2011 Page 23
1071 Tamiami Trail N, Nokomis FL
941-488-3775
Photographs Courtesy Saltwater Cafe
Bacon Wrapped BBQ Shrimp!Weekly Specials
(All Day Long)
Amazingly even with this the prices still allow everyone to enjoy Chef Rolfs cuisine. There are daily lunch specials including a choice of 5 express lunches for only $5.99. Monday is lobster day, with live Main lobster for $16.99. Tuesday has the steam pot special for only $12.99. Wednesday is crab day with a pound of snow crab for $14.99. On Thursday locals enjoy a whole pound of prime rib for only $16.99. One of the new additions to the menu is a sirloin and shrimp combo for $16.99 or a entire 3 course meal for 2 people including a bottle of wine is only $39.99. It is truly amazing. With all this it is no wonder the Saltwater Cafe is thriving.
.
One of Sarasota’s best restaurants - �ne dining in Florida
Monday-Happy Hour Al Day! Lobster Feast! Whole Maine Lobster just $16.99! Served with homeade Swiss bread, Corn on theCob and Red Skin PotatoTuesday- STEAM POT PARTY!!Petite $12.99,Regular $18.99 $16.99; for two$26.99! What's in a Steam Pot? Oysters, Mussels, Shrimp, Snow Crab Cluster, Corn onThe Cob, Red Skin Potato.Wednesday- CRAB SPECIALS! Snow Crab 1 Lb. $14.99, 1 1/2 Lb. $ 16.99, with Prime Rib just$26.99! Ladies’ Night 6:00 PM-One Free UV Martinifor every Lady! Live Music!Thursday- 12 oz. Prime Rib $16.99 - with Beer Shrimp $19.99Friday- TGIF PARTY!! Six Fresh Fish, Live Musicstarting at 7 PM Great food & Drink Specials!!Saturday- Live Music! Starting at7:30 PM Put YourDancing shoes on!! Get ready to ROCK & ROLL!!Sunday-Sunday Brunch 11:30 am-2:30 p.m. Live Music & FREE Mimosa! All day Gourmet Pizza areONE DOLLAR OFF on any Pizzas and TWO DOLLARS OFF on any whole Pizzas!
x
All Or Nothing.....
Page 24 September 2011 The Parrot
Twisted TimesWORLDEXCLUSIVE
FLORIDA TO REGISTER GENEALOGISTS – “HEIR HUNTERS” TO BE LICENSED
“John Blundell’s latest bio-comic book “Female Force - Ayn Rand” is available at Amazon.com and
comic book shops for $3.99
___________________________ _ _ _____ _________________
_______________________________________________________
www.floundersonthebeach.com
Policy analysts at a leading Florida think tank close to the Democratic Party leadership are furiously working on draft legislation to add genealogists to the Sunshine State’s burgeoning list of licensed professions which already includes ballroom dance instructors, hair braiders, and interior designers.
“We lead the nation on this front” boasted a source close to the Party leadership, “and adding genealogists will be yet another first for Florida”.
The Parrot can (in yet another world exclusive) reveal that a Florida State Board of Genealogists (FLOSBOG) is proposed; its job will be to devise entry standards, develop educational criteria, set fee levels, and monitor and police the profession. Members of the public dissatisfied with their family trees will be allowed to apply to a Dead Persons’ Review Tribunal and unlicensed practitioners will be prosecuted to the full extent of the new law.
I. Root, founder and life President of the Florida Cartel of Genealogists (FLOCOG) commented exclusively to The Parrot: “We welcome this attempt to bring order to the chaotic world of genealogical research. The idea that untrained amateurs should be allowed to read public records and come to sensible science based conclusions is surely totally old fashioned and outdated”.
The Cartel (aka FLOCOG) is pushing for a minimum
By John Blundell
entry level of a two year degree, a two year unpaid apprenticeship with one of its members and a guild exam. Locally Venice State University (VSU) is developing a Professional Genealogy Management (ProGenMan) program.
However The Parrot’s lead investigative reporter Woodie Bernstein has uncovered evidence that all current 2,500 members of the genealogy cartel are to be grandfathered in as in they will be exempt from these rules which will apply only to new entrants.
The Parrot’s favorite economist, Professor Ron Bordeaux of Southern Virginia’s James Mason University weighed in with an e-mail letter to our intrepid editor:
“Economists have long known that occupational licensing such as that proposed for Florida-based genealogists has nothing to do with quality and protecting the public from poor service. Rather it has an awful lot to do with limiting supply and neutering competition thus driving up prices and eventually incomes”.
FLOCOG’s I. Root, hot favorite to head up the new FLOSBOG in addition to his current position, however fought back. “The Sunshine State is awash
with old folk, thousands of whom pop their clogs every day, many of them intestate. The result is dozens, hundreds, of these amateur genealogists, so called “heir hunters” but really naked gold diggers, chasing all over the place to find the rightful beneficiaries and thus claiming their 10% finder’s fees. It’s chaos out there. We need some order. In future FLOSBOG will allocate each case of intestature to one of the licensed FLOCOG members to avoid wasteful duplication in the name of mere competition”.
Asked how such a process might work in practice Root advanced the notion that the larger, more complex cases involving substantial fees would obviously have to be given to the more senior and experienced members of the cartel such as him and his fellow committee members.
Contacted by The Parrot,
long time Port Charlotte resident Henry Digg, President of the Florida Society of Family Tree Detectives, moaned “Can’t they leave us alone – all we’re doing is collecting dead relatives!” He predicted an underground black market in genealogical services would emerge with the inevitable attendant Mob involvement as well as an offshore grey market of web based providers.
As The Parrot again went to press late, with its entire highly professional and dedicated staff straining every sinew to reveal all, it appeared as though the days of the amateur genealogist hinged on a gubernatorial veto. After penetrating the highest echelons of FLOCOG leadership The Parrot’s Woodie Bernstein concluded: “these folk are focused, energetic, well funded by membership dues and determined. They have a lot to gain by controlling their market while most of us have little to lose. It is a classic case of concentrated benefits and dispersed costs.”
The Parrot September 2011 Page 25
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Meiningen Germany
Al with his 2 liter beer, Grit’s long time friend Bianka Clauer, and Grit, with
what looks like a beer that came from a micro brewery.
& Waterside Grill
15001 Gasparilla Road Placida, FL
941-697-2280/941-697-0724 www.gasparillamarina.com
Waterside Grill 6:30 a.m.—11:00 p.m.
Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Daily Specials, Happy Hour
Live Entertainment
Red Marker 20 on the ICW
Bring in this months Parrot Ad and receive $25.00 off on a full day Boat Rental!
Exp: 12/31/2010
Bonnie Carries:Birds
Bird Supplies
Bonnie’s Services:Bird GroomingBird Boarding
Behavior-training
Bonnie’s Birds
West Tarpon Commons2695 B Tamiami Trail Port Charlotte, Fl 33952
941-979-8295
“A Bird’s Best Friend”
For other birds ready for adoption visit Bonnie on Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/Bonnies-Birds/104976619546186
Let me take a moment to thank all of you that have made Bonnie’s
Birds such a resounding success over the last year. Moving forward,
we are happy to announce a partnership with our dear friend,
Rebecca Stockslager, who is coming on board to help with the retail
operations. That said, WE ARE MOVING!!!!! Our
last day for business in the current location at 2695 Tamiami Tr will be Friday, Sept 16. We will be available
by chance or appointment until our GRAND RE-OPENING at The Promenades on Oct 1st and 2nd.
WE ARE MOVING!!
Page 26 September 2011 The Parrot
By John Wright“Your” Chamber
“Your” Chamber of Commerce in Punta Gorda
Drive By Shooting
UpcomingPuntaGordaevents tolookforonwww.puntagordachamber.com supported by the Punta Gorda ChamberofCommerce
September6:Oncemore,theGoal Post in Port Charlotte has generously agreed to allow theMilitaryHeritageMuseumtrustees, volunteers and the executivedirectortoserveasbartenderandwaiters.Andwegettokeepthetips!Socomeinfrom5:00p.m.on,enjoyamealandoradrinkortwo,andleaveageneroustiptobenefittheMuseum.Thisworksinthe inside bar and restaurant only, but it’s too hot outside thesedaysanyway!Formoreinformation,call941-575-9002. September11:ThePuntaGorda Boat Club will be holding anOpenHousefrom1:00-4:00PM.Thiswillkickoffa50%MembershipSpecial,aswellas,ourclubs60thAnniversaryCelebration.Formoreinformationcontactourmembershipcommittee;Shirley941-235-1598orJan941-743-2472September11:FREEDOMRIDETRIBUTEfrom1pm-
6pmintributeofthemanylivesloston9/11/2001wearecallingouttoallbikers,motoristsandboaterstodisplayourflagontheirbikes,vehiclesandboatsandrideouttotheNav-A-Gator.Therewillbefundraisingactivities,Barbeque,Games,LiveEntertainmentandplenty of beverages and FUN!ProceedswillbenefitTheWoundedWarriorProject(www.woundedwarriorproject.org).Foradditionalinformationand to register your Club/OrganizationcontactRobinatTheNav-A-Gator941-627-3474.Let’sallshowoursupportandride!!
September23:TheCharlotteCountyHistoricalCenterSociety’s11thannualAuthenticMaineLobsterBakeatthePortCharlotteBeachComplex.Cocktailsservedat5:30pm,dinnerat6:30pm.Thisuniqueevening features abundant foodcookedtoperfectioninanauthenticoutdoorpit,livemusicalentertainmentbyJeffCollins the Golden Hippo, and more,includingsilentandliveauctionswithPhilWilsondonatinghisexceptionalauctioneeringskills.Becausethis event has sold out in past years, early reservations are suggested.Seatingislimitedand dinners will not be sold at thedoor.Dinnerispreparedby“UncleJim”fromAuthenticLiveMaineLobsterBakeandincludesaone-and-a-quarterpoundMainelobster,steamedMaineclamsandmussels,bakedpotato,hard-boiledegg,cornonthecob,coleslaw,warmrolls,hotdrawnbutter,andstrawberryshortcake.Sirloinsteak,chickenbreast,orvegetarianstuffedzucchinientreesarealsoavailable.Togetasneakpreview
visitJim’swebsiteatwww.authenticmainelobster.com TheannualAuthenticMaineLobsterBakeissponsoredinpart by The Charlotte Sun and ClearChannelRadio.Costis$60 per person for lobster, $50 forotherentreechoices,and$10forbarwristband.Dressiscasual,withfamily-styleindoorseating.Tablesofeightmaybereserved.AllproceedsbenefitHistoricalCenterprogramsthatkeepstherichhistoryofCharlotte County alive with exhibitsandyouthprograms.Forreservations,call(941)629-PAST(7278)visithttp://charlottecountyfl.com/Historical formoreinformation
7thAnnualWine&JazzFestivalon February 18th2012.This
event will be headliners ALL THE WAY as we bring Mindi Abair, Peter White and the Rippingtons featuring Russ Freemantoourstage.Addedfor2012,aspecialJazzSundayBrunchattheIslesYachtClub11am-2pmFeb19th.LivemusicprovidedcourtesyofPresleyBeaneFinancialServices.AlsoaJimMorrisandtheBigBambooBandJazzintheParkbashSundayFeb19th.Fulldetailsandticketsall available online at www.puntagordachamber.com
Moreandmoreatwww.puntagordachamber.com
The Parrot September 2011 Page 27
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A n s w e r s P a g e 3 0
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Exercise for people over 50Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
A man walked intoacafe,Went to the bar and ordered abeer.‘Certainly,Sir,that’llbeonecent.’‘OneCent?’themanexclaimed.Heglancedatthemenuandasked:‘HowmuchforanicejuicysteakAndabottleofwine?’‘Anickel,’thebarmanreplied.‘Anickel?’exclaimedtheman.‘Where’s the guy who owns thisplace?’Thebartenderreplied:‘Upstairs,withmywife.’Themanasked:‘What’she doing upstairs With your wife?’Thebartenderreplied:‘ThesamethingI’mdoingTohisbusinessdownhere.’
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doingconstructionworkonscaffoldingonthe20thfloorofabuilding.They
wereeatinglunchandtheIrishmansaid,’Cornedbeefandcabbage!IfIgetcornedbeefandcabbageonemoretimeforlunch,I’mgoingtojumpoffthisbuilding.’TheMexicanopenedhislunchboxandexclaimed,‘Burritosagain!IfIgetburritosonemoretimeI’mgoingtojumpoff,too.’Theblondeopenedhislunchandsaid,‘Bolognaagain!IfIgetabolognasandwichonemoretime,I’mjumpingtoo..’Thenextday,theIrishmanopenedhislunchbox,sawcornedbeefandcabbage,andjumpedtohisdeath.TheMexicanopenedhislunch,sawaburrito,andjumped,too.The blonde guy opened his lunch,sawthebolognaandjumpedtohisdeathaswell.Atthefuneral,theIrishman’swifewasweeping.Shesaid,‘IfI’dknownhowreallytiredhewasofcornedbeefandcabbage,Ineverwouldhavegivenittohimagain!’TheMexican’swifealsoweptandsaid,‘Icouldhavegivenhimtacosorenchiladas!Ididn’trealizehehatedburritossomuch.’Everyoneturnedandstaredattheblonde’swife.The blonde’s wife said, ‘Don’t lookatme.Hemakeshisownlunch.’
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Page 30 September 2011 The Parrot
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The Parrot September 2011 Page 31
PHONE TAP OTB
.........Everybody’s doing it!
M s . Shirley Wallows: H e y Gen,nowthatI’mbackintownwhatdoyouthinkaboutthethreeofusgettingtogether?IwasjustlookingattheParrotmagazineandIseethereisalotgoingon!
General Ray N. Bowe: Shirl:Greattohearfromyou.Iwashopingthatthathuzzie,Misty,wouldhavesetsomethingupbynow,butIhearshehadsomesurgerylastweekandknowingher,she’llbesoreforweeks!PuntaGordaisbustingwithnewplaces.There’sTrabue(formerlyknownasTapasOne),Opus,Jack’s,BigD’s(notsureweshouldtakeMistytherethough!),RiverCityGrill,Danny’s(new!!!),TikeBar(new!!!)…andthat’sjustinandaroundonestreet!YoushouldhavejoinedmeonthePGChamber’sbartrolleytourlastmonth.Whatariot!Metgreatpeople,infactIgotadate!!!!Moretofollow.Let’swaittohearfromMisty,makesureshe’sabouttomoveandthengetaplantogether!Missyou!!!Gen.
Misty Kuppe: Oh, Gen, you justcrackmeupwithyourendearingwords.“Huzzie.”AreyoujealousaboutmyrecentnuptialstoRupertKuppe?Anyway,dear,I’mbackfrommysurgeryfeelingfitasafiddle.Actually,whatisafiddlesupposetofeellike? Idohopewecangetthewholegangtogethersoon.Areyouupforsomecelebritystalkingwithme?CanyoubelieveMichaelUslan will be in town this month?Oh,don’tyoupretendnottoknowwhoheis,he’sthemanbehindtheBatmanmoviesand he’s going to be in Punta GordaSept.9-11forthePeace
RiverFilmFestival! That’sright,asliceofHollywoodiscomingtoourlittletown!I’mupforattendingthereceptiontomeethim,justaslongasIknowthatcreepyreporterisn’taround.Yaknow,theonewiththeearlobefetish.Eck!Hejustgivesmetheheebeejeebees! Or how about dinner at Cap’n and the Cowboy in Port Charlotte?ThatFoodNetworkshow“RestaurantImpossible”withhostChefRobertIrvineswooped in for a few days this summerandgavethattiredeateryanice,shinymakeover.Atleastthat’swhatI’mtold.Ididn’tmaketheA(orBorC)list for reservations opening nightsonow’sthetimego!Andsave the date, the episode will air10p.m.onOct.26onFoodNetwork. Soundlikeaplan?
General Ray N. Bowe: Girls, Iamsoexcited.IbumpedintoRobertIrvineatOpuswhenhewashere.He’sabigman!MyfriendPatsycouldn’tgetoverthesizeofhisarms!Let’smakethatdate!
BTW,IamkayakingthisweekendintheHopeFloatschallenge.Onceyoursurgeryallows, we should all of with VinceofO-Sea-DAquaticAdventures and paddle our little bootiesoff.Therearesomegreatbackwaterstoexplorearoundhere.
IamoffforamargaritaattheTikiBarandthenpackingformybigBirthdayget-away.Ihategettingold.Justwishtherewassurgeryforthat!
Loveyouguys.Seeyounext
week!GeneralRay.
Ms. Shirley Wallows: Gen!Whydidn’tyoucallus!!I’msureMistycouldhavebandagedherself up enough to run OTB withmetoseeyouandRobert!I’dliketogethiminoneofthoseKayaksandwell……Nevermind…..Ummmmwhatwerewetalkingabout?Ohyeah,haveafabulousbirthday!!!!Toobadyouaregoingtomissallthefunhere!Smooches!!
Misty!!Ibelieveit’s“TiniTime”TheymakethebestDirtyMartinioveratJD’sBistro!Sayinabout30??
General Ray N. Bowe: Ihavetotellyou,SHIRLEY,Robertisonebigsolidboy!Butthen,don’t you have one of your owntoplaywithstill??Whichremindsme,howcomeMr.Kuppeisneveronthescene?IrecallMistytextingmetosaytheymetattheWine&JazzFestivalacoupleofyearsagoandwereimmediatelysmittenwitheachother(evenbeforetheyou-know-what!.Isn’titfunnythat he has never been seen out?Iwonderwhetherthereisn’t another story here that wedon’tknowabout.Kuppe–isn’tthatPolishorDutchor
someotherplaceoverthere?Iguessthatmysteryneedstobecontinuedunderthepalmsonedayatthebeachwhenwecangethersnookeredagain!
Ms. Shirley Wallows: Gen, sadtosay,noIdonothaveasteadyplaymate……Iwouldn’tmindhavingagoatthatRobertthough.Yummy!Youknow,nowthatyoumentionitIhavenevermetMr.Kuppe.Ijustthoughtshewastryingtokeepmeawayfromhim.Hmmmm…yes,Ibelieveonceyoureturnit’syou,me,&Misty!I’llbringtheolives!!Haveasafetripandawonderfulbirthday!!!!Misty Kuppe: JD’s Bistro for atinisoundsfabulous!Goodthingaboutmysurgery,wedon’thavetogoOTBbutUTB,Ihavesomenewinflatables!Mr.Kuppejokedhe’sneverleavingmysidewhenwetravel,incaseheneedsapersonalfloatationdevice.I’mquitemulti-talented.
Withoutadoubt,Mr.Kuppedoesexistandisnotapigmentofmyimagination,orhoweverthatsayinggoes.Speakingofcolor,someonehasabirthdaytocelebrate!
Misty
Page 32 September 2011 The Parrot
September Events
Thursday 1st-3rd, COMEDY EVENT FEATURING GREG MORTON! AT VISANI’S COME-DY THEATER inPortCharlotte.Forshowtimesvisitwww.visani.netThursday 1st, MUSEUM OF ART & CIRCUS MUSEUM PRESENTS ART AFTER 5: COCKTAILS & OBSERVA-TIONS everyThursdayfrom5-8pm.EnjoytheMuseumofArtpermanentcollectionandspecialexhibitiongalleries,cocktailsandgreatconversationontheloggia.BringthefamilyandexploretheCircusMuseum’sminiaturecir-cusandWisconsinrailroadcar.Afterhoursdiscountedadmis-sionareadultsare$10,childrenages6-17are$5,andunder5arefree.Formoreinfogoto
www.ringling.orgThursday 1st, MUTTINI MIN-GLE AT FISHERMEN’S VIL-LAGE from5:30-8pm.APawtas-ticYappyHourforpeopleandtheirpets.PresentedbySaltyPaws.Formoreinformationvisitwww.fishville.comThursday 1st, YOGA MONTH KICK-OFF CLASS AT THE YOGA SANCTUARY in Punta Gordaat112SullivanSt.from6-7pm.Thisspecialeveningclassisopentoeveryoneandbydonationonly.Formoreinfocall941-505-9642orvisitinfo@
theyogasanctuary.bizThursday 1st-30th, “30 DAYS OF DISCOVERY” AT THE MOTE AQUARIUM inSarasotafrom10-5pmduringthemonthofSept.Get2for1admissiontoMoteAquariumandanyotherSarasota and Manatee County attractions,suchas:TheJohnandMableRinglingMuseumofArt,SouthFloridaMuseum,andG.WizusingacouponatSaraso-taConvention&VistorsBureauor at www.sarasotafl.org/promo/days-of-discoverySaturday 3rd, CHARLOTTE STONE CRABS VS BRADEN-TON MARAUDERS at the Char-lotteSportsParkat6:30pm.Formoreinformationvisitusatwww.stonecrabsbaseball.comSaturday 3rd, ROCKSTAR EN-ERGY DRINK UPROAR FES-TIVAL attheFordAmphitheatreat2:30pm.Formoreticketinfovisit www.fordamp.comorcall1-800-ASK-GARY.Saturday 3rd, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA onTaylorSt.andHeraldCourtbytheHistoriccourtHouse.From8-1pm.Saturday 3rd, SARASOTA’S FARMERS MARKET EVERY SATURDAY from7amtoNoon.OnLemonAve.&MainStreet.RainorShine.Visitwww.sara-sotadowntown.comformoredetails.Saturday 3rd, CRUIZIN’ ON DEARBORN from5-8pminEnglewood.OldtimeCars-andoldtimetunes.HundredsofoldcarenthusiastsandscoresofoldcarbrightenDearbornStreet.Musicwillfloodthestreetandmostrestaurantsandshopsareopenlate!Formoreinfovisitourwebsite at www.oldeenglewood.comSaturday 3rd, VENICE FARM-ERS MARKET in Centennial ParkDowntownfrom8am-Noon.
EverySaturday.Localproduce,plants,flowers,importedoils,pastriesandsomuchmore.Saturday 3rd-5th, ENGLEWOOD PIONEER DAYS in downtown Englewood.Afunweekendforthewholefamily.Visitwww.englewoodpioneerday.com Saturday 3rd & 4th, MIAMI AVE. CRAFT FAIR IN DOWNTOWN VENICE from9-4pm.Sunday 4th, SIESTA KEY’S FARMER’S MARKET at David-son’sPlazaat5124OceanBlvd.from7-1pm.EverySunday.Fea-turingfreshproduce,seafood,art,etc.Formoreinfovisitwww.siestakeychamber.comMonday 5th, MEET THE SKY; OBSERVATIONAL ASTRON-OMY AT SIESTA KEY BEACH from8-9pmattheBeachPavil-ion.Telescopeprovided,weatherpermitting.Learnandobservethemoon,planets,constellationsandstarsintheSeptembernightsky.Wednesday 7th-10th, LIVE COM-EDY WITH JERRY FARBER/MARK EVANS AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte.Forshowtimesvisitwww.visani.netFriday 9th, FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE inCentennialParkindowntownVeniceat7pm.Friday 9th, BRAD PAISLEY H20 II TOUR W/BLAKE SHELTON & JERROD NIEMANN at the Ford AmphitheatreinTampaat4pm.Forticketinfovisitwww.fordamp.comorcall1-800-ASK-GARY.Friday 9th-11th, DISNEY ON ICE CELEBRATES 100 YEARS OF MAGIC attheSt.PeteTimesForum.Formoreinformationvisitwww.sptimesforum.comSaturday 10th, PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – Protrucks,rookietrucks,dwarfcars,pro4,fab4,road warriors, legends, and ban-dolero.Formoreinformationvisitwww.puntagordaspeedway.comSaturday 10th-11th, SULLIVAN STREET CRAFT FAIR in down-townPuntaGordafrom10-5pm.Saturday 10th, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE ON DEARBORN in Englewood.From6-9pm.Shopswillopenlate.Shop,dine,andplayonDearbornStreet!Visitwww.oldeenglewood.comSaturday 10th, ART OF FIGHT-ING 13 AT THE GERMAIN
Friday 2nd - Monday 5th Char-lotte Harbor Parrot Head Club 4 Lazy Days Done The Char-lotte Harbor Way, 4th Birthday Celebration. See page 3 for details
The Parrot September 2011 Page 33
* Times and dates are subject to change.
ARENA at7:30pm.Doorsopenat6pm.Joinusforprofessionalmixedmartialarts.AmayaVs.LawrenceWelterweightTitleFight.Formoreinformationvisitwww.germainarena.comSaturday 10th, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA onTaylorSt.andHeraldCourtbytheHistoriccourtHouse.From8-1pm.Sunday 11th, FREEDOM RIDE TRIBUTE! From1-6pm.Intributetothemanylivesloston9/11/2001,wearecallingouttoallbikers,motorists&boaterstodisplayourflagontheirbikes,cars&boatsandrideouttotheNav-A-Gator.Therewillbefund-raisingactivities,bbq,games,music,drinks&fun.ProceedsbenefitTheWoundedWarriorProject.Sunday 11th, PATRIOT DAY COMMEMORATION AT FISHERMEN’S VILLAGE pre-sented by the Military Heritage Museumat1pminthecentercourt.Receptiontofollow.Call941-575-9002formoreinforma-tion.Tuesday 13th, BEST OF SOUL & MOTOWN TRIBUTE AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER inPortCharlotte.Forshowtimesvisit www.visani.netWednesday 14th-17th, LIVE COMEDY WITH MUTZIE/GREG HALL AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER inPortCharlotte.Forshowtimesvisitwww.visani.netThursday 15th, GALLERY WALK IN PUNTA GORDA from5-8pm.ThePuntaGordaDown-townMerchantsAssociationbringsyouart,music,livedem-onstrations, shopping and food, andafreetrolley.Whatabetterway to spend an evening stroll-ing through downtown Punta Gorda.Friday 16th, DAYGLOW AT THE GERMAIN ARENA at9pm-2am.“World’sLargestPaintParty”Thisshowisagerestrictedfrom17andup.Formoreinformationvisit www.germainarena.comFriday 16th, BIRD STREET PLAYERS BAND performingattheVanWezelPerformingArtsHallinSarasotaat5pm.Visitwww.vanwezel.orgforticketinformation.Saturday 17th, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN
PUNTA GORDA onTaylorSt.andHeraldCourtbytheHistoriccourtHouse.From8-1pm.Saturday 17th & 18th, BIG BOY TOY EXPO AT THE CHAR-LOTTE HARBOR EVENT CEN-TER at10am.TheLargestMen’sShowinSouthwestFl.Funforthewholefamily.Saturday 17th, YMCA’S 2ND ANNUAL FISHING TOURNA-MENT & BLUES CONCERT AT LAISHLEY MARINA in Punta Gorda.CashPrizes!Kid’sfishingchallenge.Call941-629-0909formoreinformation.Saturday 17th, PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – open wheel modified35,pro4,fab4,TQMidgets,SEchampkarts,roadwarriors,andministocks.Formoreinfovisitusatwww.pun-tagordaspeedway.comSaturday 17th, JOURNEY W/SPECIAL GUESTS FOREIGN-ER & NIGHT RANGER perform-ingattheFordAmphitheatreinTampaat7pm.Forticketinfovisit www.fordamp.comorcall1-800-ASK-GARY.Saturday 17th, COMIC BOOKS GAMING ANIME SHOW AT THE CHARLOTTE HARBOR EVENT CENTER from10am-10pm.Getatasteofcomic/gaming/animeconventioninyourownback-yard.Saturday 17th, POW/MIA RECOGNITION DAY COM-MEMORATION atFishermen’sVillage,presentedbytheMilitaryHeritageMuseumat1pminthecentercourt.Receptiontofol-lowinthemuseum.Formoreinfocall575-9002orvisitwww.FreedomIsntFree.orgSunday 18th, INCUBUS perform-ingattheFordAmphitheatreinTampaat8pm.Forticketinfor-mationvisitwww.fordamp.com or call1-800-ASK-GARY.Monday 19th, WINE TASTING AT JD’S BISTRO in Port Char-lotte.“CheeseandCharcuterie”anti-pastas…bread.Mediterra-nean.Tuesday 20th, JIMMY MAZZ VIVA LAS VEGAS AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte.Forticketsandshowtimesvisitwww.visani.netWednesday 21st-24th, COM-EDY EVENT WITH GRANDMA LEE!! AT VISANI’S COMEDY
THEATER inPortCharlotte.Forshowtimesvisitwww.visani.netFriday 23rd & 24th, VENICE JAZZ FEST inCentennialParkdowntownVeniceat7pm.Friday 23rd-25th, FLATSMAS-TERS CHAMPIONSHIP & CHILI COOKOFF AT LAISHLY PARK inPuntaGorda.Saturday 24th, FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA onTaylorSt.andHeraldCourtbytheHistoriccourtHouse.From8-1pm.Saturday 24th, ANNUAL IN-STALLATION & MURDER MYSTERY BANQUET at Heron CreekGolf&CountryClubInNorthPortfrom6-9pm.Dinner/program.EventsponsoredbyPrestoAir,LLC.Saturday 24th, PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – sportsman,pro4,fab4,superstock,ministocks,andcowboyCadillac.Formoreinformationvisitusatwww.pun-tagordaspeedway.comSaturday 24th & 25th, THE BIG BOY EXPO AT THE GERMAIN ARENA from10-5pm.ThisisaVERYlargetradeshow.Formoreinformationvisitwww.ger-mainarena.comSaturday 24th, 1ST ANNUAL RED FISH CHALLENGE AT LOW KEY TIKI IN PINE IS-LAND cashprizesfor1st,2nd,& 3rdplaces.ProceedstobenefitFromOurHearts.Giveaways,raffles,food,auctionandlivemusicAtweighin.FormoreinfocontactCaptainJesseRomero@[email protected] 24th, BLINK 182! Per-formingattheFordAmphitheatreinTampaat7pm.Forticketinfovisit www.fordamp.comorcall1-800-ASK-GARY.Saturday 24th, LAST DAMN SHOW 13 attheSt.PeteTimesForumat7pm.Featuresacollec-tionoftoday’shottesthip-hopandR&Bartists.Formoreinfor-mationvisitwww.sptimesforum.comSaturday 24th, THE GREAT GARAGE SALE AT THE CHAR-LOTTE SPORTS PARK from8-1pm.AdmissionandparkingareFREE!Rainorshine.FormoreinfocontacttheSportsParkat941-235-5010orvisitwww.charlottecountyfl.com for a
vendorapplication.Saturday 24th, BBQ BASH AT GASPARILLA MARINA & WA-TERSIDE GRILL inPlacida.Saturday 24th, WALK TO END ALZHEIMER’S AT FISHER-MEN’S VILLAGE pre-walkactivitiesat9am.Walkstepoffat10am.Signuptoday!Visitwww.alz.org/walkorcall727-578-2558 formoreinfo.Sunday 25th, SOUTHWEST WEDDING & EVENT EXPO AT THE CHARLOTTE HARBOR EVENT CENTER in Punta Gorda from12-4pm.Meetandinterviewawidevarietyoflocalweddingprofessionals to plan your big day!Sunday 25th, CAGED BIRD SHOW AT THE CHARLOTTE COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS in PortCharlotte.Formoreinfocall941-475-3440orvisitwww.thecharlottecountyfair.comTuesday 27th, ELVIS TRIBUTE SHOW W/DWIGHT ICEN-HOWER AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte at 7:30pm.Forticketsvisitwww.visani.netWednesday 28th-30th, LIVE COMEDY WITH TIM WILKINS “ONE MAN SHOW” AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER inPortCharlotte.Visitwww.visani.netWednesday 28th, ALZHEIM-ER’S SMOKIN’ HOT CHILI COOKOFF FUNDRAISER! At theClareBridgeVeniceat1200AvenidaDelCircofrom5:30-7:30pm.$5Chili(Allyoucaneat!)JoinusforacharitablecausefortheAlzheimer’sAsso-ciation.Friday 30th, JEFF FOXWOR-THY, BILL ENGVALL & LAR-RY THE CABLE GUY: THEM IDIOTS WHIRLED TOUR at theSt.PeteTimesForuminTampaat8pm.Thesehilari-ouscomicscometogetherforonespecialnightthatisguar-anteedtobefilledwithnon-stoplaughter.Forticketinfovisit www.sptimesforum.comFriday 30th, LATIN NIGHT AT JD’S BISTRO in Port Char-lotte.Latinmusic&dancing!!
Page 34 September 2011 The Parrot
Leo (July 23 - August 22) Muchofyourbodyweighttends to be distributed in a specificplace-butthatmaystart shifting and not in a good way!HaHaHa!!.Paperwithlittlestickpeopledoingbadthingsonitwillfinditswayintoyourpockettoday.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Crying over spiltmilkmayseemlikesilly,but perhaps not if you’ve spilt pipinghotmilkwhilesittingnakedinabeanbagwatchingRosieReruns.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)Vegetableshavealwaysmadeyouthinknaughty thoughts, so please bearinmindthatanyvisitstomarket-placescouldleaveyoured-faced.Likeabeetroot.Areyouthinkingofabeetroot?Areyoubeingdirty?Cutitout!!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)Thedifferencesbetween you and your peers setsyouapart.Andbyapart,Imeanthey’rethinkingofrelocatingyousothatyou’reasfarapartasphysicallypossible. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Presenting yourselfwithhome-madecardboardawardsisprobablynot the sanest way to go about givingyourselfamoraleboost.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) When leaving your house, don’t forget to lockupandgivethechildrenapatonthehead.Ifit’slaughter you’re after then
drawamoustacheonthekidsbeforeyouwakethemupforschool.That’sonewaytogetbackatthemforalltheyputyouthrough.
Aquarius ( January 20 - February 18) Opportunity is waitingroundeverycorner.Unfortunatelyyouonthecouch,enoughsaid…..
Pisces ( February 19 - March 20) Seekadvicefromsomeoneolder today in order to avoid makingafoolofyourself.Thatmaybedifficultforyou,youareprettyold!
Aries (March 21 - April 19) YouWILLhavesexthismonth!!Maybe….wellthereisaslightpossibility…..wearejustreadingmaterial,thereisonlysomuchwecando!!!Goodluck,youwillneedit!!
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) The feelings you have had that peopleareouttogetyoumaynotjustbeinyourhead.Youmaybebetterofftakingchargeofyourownlaundryfromnowon,justsayin….
Gemini ( May 21 - June 21) You deserve praise for your excellentwork.Youmayneverfindwhatyou’relookingfor,butatleastyoumanagedtofindthatpictureofthechimpsittingonatoiletreadingTheParrot.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) The good thing about the internetisthatno-oneknowsquite how disturbingly grotesque youlook.Publicappearancesarenotadvised!
Thisdrinkisacombinationofa
classicmargaritawitharefreshingcitrusupdate.
5 shots of fresh squeezedrubyredgrapefruitjuice
2 shots of tequila1 shot of Grand Gala
TripleSec
Combineallingredientsinshaker,andshake.Pourintoashortglassrimmedwithrawandregular
sugar.Addiceandenjoy!
Grapefruit Margarita
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TAMIAMI BAR &LIQUOR STORE220 Tamiami TrailPunta Gorda, FL.941.639.3737Open Mon - Sat: 9 AM to 2 AM Sun: 2 PM to 2 AM
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The Parrot September 2011 Page 35
Photo Caption ContestSend us your ideas for a funny caption for this photo and we will print
the winner along with the winners name in our next issue. E-mail us at [email protected] or mail entries to
The Parrot, 3280-55 Tamiami TrailSuite 165 Port Charlott, Florida 33952
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All my ex’s live in Texas, so I’m moving
back to Florida!
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Page 36 September 2011 The Parrot
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The Parrot September 2011 Page 37