Separate Bathrooms Key to Success in Marriage? Recently, for an interview with Esquire magazine, Sir Michael Caine declared that, in his forty eight years spent as a husband, he has found that the secret to a happy marriage is simply having two separate bathrooms—one for the wife, one for the husband. Caine declared that this was not out of a fear of anything womanly—not over­exposure to the female form, daily evidence of shaving, use of the toilet or exposure to feminine hygiene products. His explanation behind this key fact was that the amount of time and real estate the wife consumes in product placement in the bathroom overruns and overrules the limited amount of time the husband may require the use of the bathroom. Essentially, Caine has found that women require more tools, space and time in the restroom; this leaves the husband unable to use the bathroom when he is in need of it for just the few short minutes it takes him to get ready for the day. In addition to this, the sheer number of products used by the wife may overrun any space afforded for the husband’s few limited required products. Caine’s solution is to acquire two separate bathrooms, ridding the couple of any potential arguments on the topic.

Caine’s declaration prompted a response to be written, in the form of an article completed by The Telegraph. The article first notes that Caine is not alone in his belief. Mary Quant, inventor of the Miniskirt, made a similar declaration in 2004—that his and hers bathrooms are the secret to marriage. Alternatively, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton, while married, occupy entirely separate houses. Bella Tellwright, an upmarket property expert with Notting Hill estate agents Crayson recently told The Telegraph that there should be one bathroom for every bedroom. The article denotes that, in an ideal world, this would all not only be feasible, but very helpful. Who would ever want fewer bathrooms, instead of more? However, as the article denotes, it is a very rare occurrence that such things are affordable. The author himself notes that he and his wife barely manage to afford their small house, with their one bathroom. Sure, small petty issues erupt on the subject—mysteriously unnecessary candles, half­drank tea cups left lying around, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle and leaving shower puddles lying about. But, the author declares, none of these issues are marriage­ending worthy; they are simply small, petty, insignificant items that can easily be overlooked or rectified. To the author, Caine’s definition of requirements for success marriage is unattainable—requiring a large stack of money and an equally large house, in which to count said money. It isn’t true happiness.