8/2/2019 Senior Helpers The Top Rated In Home Care And Companion Care Company In Toms River And Brick Nj Suggests H

1/2

SeniorHelpersTheTopRatedInHomeCareAndCompanionCareCompanyInTomsRiverAndBrickNjSuggestsHowToHaveTheTalkWithYourElderlyParentsBypeterporchia.Published2011-04-1922:37:56MessageMeter..Howtohave"thetalk"withagingparentsSoonerratherthanlaterisbettertodiscusscrucialhealthandfinancialissues.

You'llreachastageinyourlifewhenit'stimefor"thetalk."Notthattalk,buttheonewithyouragingparents.Itmaybeawkwardandscaryifyou'veneverdiscussedsuchhealthandfinancialmatterswiththembefore.Whyshouldyoubringitup?Iftheywantedtoaddressanything,theywouldhavebroughtitupthemselves,youmuse.There'splentyoftimetofigurethingsoutandmakethebestdecisions,right?

That'swhatMaryFarmerOfTomsRivernjthought.Yes,shehadmanydiscussionswithherailingfatherabouthisfinancialaffairsandwishes--sheevenmetupwithhistrustedadvisors.Still,shehadonenaggingconcernthatshedidn'taddresswithhim--whereheshouldlivesohewouldbesafe.

Eventhoughhehadseverearthritisinhisback,hecontinuedtoliveinahousewithtoomanystaircases.Heendedupfalling,breakingahipandhavingastroke.Aftersurgeryandrehab,hisdementiagotprogressivelyworseandFarmerreluctantlymovedhimtoaretirementhome,thenlater,intoalong-term-carefacil

ity.HediedinApril2000at94yearsofage.

Talkingabouthealthandmoneyisstillataboosubjectfortheoldergeneration,andwithgoodreason.Someagingparentsquestiontheirkids'truemotiveswithwantingtoknowabouttheirfinances,forinstance.Othersmaybeembarrassedthattheydidn'tsaveenough.

Finally,somefamiliesdon'twanttohavethediscussionatall."Unfortunatelythat'sthewrongapproachtotakeinthisdayandagewhenhealth-careandfinancialarrangementsaresocomplex,"saysMariaPorchiaRnMsnCeoAndownerofSeniorHelpersInhomecareOfTomsRiverAndBrickNewJersey,aTomsRivercompanythateducatesconsumersandfinancialadvisorsaboutagingandlong-termcare-planningissues.

Her14years'experiencebeingherfather'scaregiverwasthecompany'sbrainchild."Someparentsmaysay,'I'lltellyouwhenyouneedtoknow,don'tworry'orthekidssay,'youarefine,wedon'tneedtotalkaboutillnessanddying.'Thentwoweekslater,somethinghappensandit'stoolate."

Howdoyoubreaktheice?Trythesepointers.

1.StartearlyWhentobroachtheissue?Porchiausesthe40/70rule(whenkidsareaboutage40andparentsareaboutage70)sincethattendstobewhenthekidsarematureenoughandparentsaregoingthroughhealthissues,saysMariaPorchiaRn."Soonerthanlaterisbetterbecauseifyourparentdoesdevelopacognitiveimpairm

entorotherconditionsuchasastroke,therewillbeapointwhentheycannolongerexpresswhattheywantortellyouwherethingsare,"shesays.

2.BerespectfulSomeadultchildrencuttothechaseandaskataninappropriatetime,likeatamilestonebirthdaycelebration.Butthisapproachoftenbackfiresbecausetheresponseis,"Oh,yeah,John,youjustwanttoknowhowmuchisthereandwhenyou'regoingtogetit."

Otherkidsmakethemistakeoftellingtheirparentswhattodo.Badmove."Don'

8/2/2019 Senior Helpers The Top Rated In Home Care And Companion Care Company In Toms River And Brick Nj Suggests H

2/2

ttalktoyourparentslikechildren,"Porchiawarns."Yourparentshavelivedalotlongerthanyouhave.They'veearnedtheirmoneyandtheyhavearighttomakethedecisionswithrespecttoit."

Instead,shesuggestsadultkidsaskmoreprobingquestionsthatgetattheirparents'inclinationsanddesires.Forexample:WhatcanIdotohelpyoumaintainyourindependence?Whatkindoflifestyledoyouseeforyourselfoverthenext20years?Wheredoyouwanttolive?Doyouwanttodonatemoretocharity?

"Thatway,theyseeyouareinterestedintheirwell-beinganditisn'taboutthemoneygrab,"Porchiasays.Nevertalkedaboutestateplanningwithyourparents?Startwiththebasicssuchas,dotheyhaveawill,andifso,whenwasthewilllastupdated?Whereisitlocated?

3.AskfortheirfeedbackParentsarenaturaladvice-givers.Draftingorupdatingyourownwillandpowerofattorney?Runthembyyourparents,whichcangetdiscussionsrolling."Itmakesthemthinkaboutthemselves,"saysPorchia,.Itmayturnoutthatyourparentsneverhadawilldrawnuporneedtoupdatetheirs.Youcouldthenask,"Ifyoudon'thaveawill,whatwouldyouwanttohappen,whatwouldyouwantustodo?"Youcanalsoaskiftheyuseafinancialadvisor,andofferideasonwheretostoretheseimportantdocuments.

4.Keephavingconversations

Whenyouaskopen-endedquestions,parentssimplymaynothavethoughtoftheanswers."Youcan'texpecttohaveoneconversationandeverythingisgoingtobesolvedandshared,justlikethat.Ittakestime,"Porchianotes.Clickheretocheckoutalistofquestionsandissuesforparentsandchildrentoconsider.

5.TakethetimeIntoday's24/7world,adultkidsmaylistentotheirparents'answershalfheartedlywhilegluedtotheirBlackberriesandthinkingofotherthingsontheirto-dolists."We'reallinahurryasadultkidsbutifyou'regoingtodothis,takethetime,"saysPorchia.

Justtomakesureyoutryandlearnasmuchaspossible,Porchiarecommendsyouaskthis:Mom/Dad,doIknoweverythingIneedtoknowsoIcandowhatyouwant

metodowhenthetimecomes?"That'sreallywhatit'sabout--beingabletodowhatyourparentswantwhentheycannolongerexpresstheirwishes,"shesays.ForMoreInformationPleaseVisitusonthewebatwww.seniorhelpersnj.comOrcallusat732-657-3600