Self Care: Care for the Self Care: Care for the CaregiverCaregiver

Mary T. O’Neill, BCC, D.MinMary T. O’Neill, BCC, D.Min

Catholic Health Services of Long Island, NYCatholic Health Services of Long Island, NY

October 13, 2010October 13, 2010

Self Care of the CaregiverSelf Care of the Caregiver

Good intentionsGood intentions

Good preachingGood preaching

Are we convinced on the need for Are we convinced on the need for self care?self care?

What stress does to usWhat stress does to us

Tensions of lifeTensions of life

Eu-stressEu-stress

Distress -Distress -

Reactions to stressorsReactions to stressors

Fight or flee - a biological responseFight or flee - a biological response

Adrenalin produced for flight or fightAdrenalin produced for flight or fight

When not used, where does it go?When not used, where does it go?

REACTIONREACTION

Increased Increased heart rtheart rt

faster faster breathingbreathing

Digestion stopsDigestion stops

ORIGINAL NEEDORIGINAL NEED

To pump blood To pump blood fasterfaster

Provide more Provide more oxygenoxygen

-divert blood to -divert blood to legslegs

LONG TERMLONG TERM-high BPhigh BP

-Chest pain from Chest pain from tired diaphragmtired diaphragm

--ulcers-ulcers

-blood leaves -blood leaves head, hands, head, hands, feetfeet

-increased -increased coag of bloodcoag of blood

-release extra -release extra sugars into bl sugars into bl and insulin to and insulin to break down blbreak down bl

Divert bl to Divert bl to large muscleslarge muscles

-minimize blood -minimize blood lossloss

-More energy-More energy

Cold hands, feet, Cold hands, feet, migraines/headacmigraines/headachehe

-increased risk of -increased risk of clots, strokeclots, stroke

-when blood is low -when blood is low we feel tired.we feel tired.

Listen to your bodyListen to your body

Listen to messages you give your body:Listen to messages you give your body:

Take moment to pay attention nowTake moment to pay attention now

Where are stressors? Tightness? Pain?Where are stressors? Tightness? Pain? Stiffness? Joint ache? Discomfort?Stiffness? Joint ache? Discomfort?

What might the message be?What might the message be?

Most of us do not like our bodiesMost of us do not like our bodies

We want to be like someone elseWe want to be like someone else Too tall, too short, too…….Too tall, too short, too…….

Use our bodies as metaphors for Use our bodies as metaphors for inner stressesinner stresses

Pain in the neckPain in the neck Long faceLong face

Blow my mindBlow my mind Get nose out of jointGet nose out of joint

Pay through the nosePay through the nose Hair-raising experienceHair-raising experience

Go to jugularGo to jugular Pain in the rearPain in the rear

BalanceBalance

We want our outer and inner selves We want our outer and inner selves to be in harmonyto be in harmony

Paul Tillich: Dialectic of Life Paul Tillich: Dialectic of Life Processes Processes

Life is a continual dialogue ofLife is a continual dialogue of

DISCOVERY & DISCLOSUREDISCOVERY & DISCLOSURE

We can do no great things,We can do no great things,

Only small thingsOnly small things

With great love,With great love,

For we are not here For we are not here

To save the world,To save the world,

But only to serve it.But only to serve it. Mother TeresaMother Teresa

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR

ASAS

YOURSELFYOURSELF

LOVE YOURSELF AS YOU LOVELOVE YOURSELF AS YOU LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR.YOUR NEIGHBOR.

GOOD CAREGIVING OF OTHERS GOOD CAREGIVING OF OTHERS

DEMANDSDEMANDS

GOOD CAREGIVING OF SELFGOOD CAREGIVING OF SELF

Everyone is a house with four rooms, Everyone is a house with four rooms,

Mind,Mind,

body,body,

SpiritSpirit

Emotion.Emotion.

And unless we go into each room, each And unless we go into each room, each day,day,

Even if just to keep it aired,Even if just to keep it aired,

We are not a whole person. We are not a whole person. GoodenGooden

12 Self Care Steps12 Self Care Steps

Making balance Making balance

an integral part of your an integral part of your

personal and personal and

professional lifeprofessional life

1. Conscious Centering1. Conscious Centering

Centering helps ensure that you are Centering helps ensure that you are in the receptive and balanced state in the receptive and balanced state needed to be fully present needed to be fully present

Helps create a peaceful atmosphereHelps create a peaceful atmosphere Dwell in the present moment, Dwell in the present moment,

releasing all thoughts and concerns releasing all thoughts and concerns about the past as well as releasing about the past as well as releasing projections into the future.projections into the future.

Conscious contracting of the muscles of the Conscious contracting of the muscles of the face, neck, body, and releasing with an face, neck, body, and releasing with an exhale. Follow your breathexhale. Follow your breath

Meditation relaxes body, calms mind and Meditation relaxes body, calms mind and centers – gets beyond the “thinking” mind centers – gets beyond the “thinking” mind into a deeper awareness.into a deeper awareness. find placefind place breathe deeply and rhythmicallybreathe deeply and rhythmically focus on breath, instead of thoughtsfocus on breath, instead of thoughts with distractions, continue to return to with distractions, continue to return to

breathingbreathingChoose a mantra/word/phrase to occupy your mind.Choose a mantra/word/phrase to occupy your mind.

2. Establish healthy boundaries2. Establish healthy boundaries

Boundaries – appropriate emotional and Boundaries – appropriate emotional and physical distance that you maintain physical distance that you maintain between yourself and another so that you between yourself and another so that you do not become overly enmeshed, do not become overly enmeshed, dependent or co-dependent. This is your dependent or co-dependent. This is your responsibility, not your responsibility, not your client/patient/family member.client/patient/family member.

Avoid being overly flexible or overly rigid.Avoid being overly flexible or overly rigid. Healthy boundaries create healthy lifestyleHealthy boundaries create healthy lifestyle Unhealthy boundaries create dysfunction Unhealthy boundaries create dysfunction

and depletionand depletion

3. The power of prevention3. The power of prevention

Plan and review your day.Plan and review your day. Make time for rest, food, and Make time for rest, food, and

sufficient sleep,sufficient sleep, Keep positive perspectiveKeep positive perspective Lack of sleep makes you less Lack of sleep makes you less

productive, less mentally sharp, and productive, less mentally sharp, and more prone to the effects of stress.more prone to the effects of stress.

4. Restorative exercise4. Restorative exercise

Physical exercise – yoga, stretching, Physical exercise – yoga, stretching, etcetc

Stay hydrated-muscles 70% water; Stay hydrated-muscles 70% water; brain 80%brain 80%

Choose activities you love that Choose activities you love that provide exercise. provide exercise.

5. Body Mechanics5. Body Mechanics

““It’s easier to prevent bad habits than to It’s easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” break them.” Ben FranklinBen Franklin

Cultivate healthy habit of being mindful Cultivate healthy habit of being mindful of your body mechanics at all times.of your body mechanics at all times.

Let your energy come from your core, Let your energy come from your core, rather than from muscular effort.rather than from muscular effort.

Notice position of your head as you work Notice position of your head as you work on computer or at desk, or watch TVon computer or at desk, or watch TV

6. Clear communication6. Clear communication

Communication skills have to be Communication skills have to be developed, honed, nurtured and developed, honed, nurtured and added to on an ongoing basis. added to on an ongoing basis.

Language is one of the most Language is one of the most powerful reflections of how we think powerful reflections of how we think and feel about ourselves and others.and feel about ourselves and others.

Know your assumptions, your Know your assumptions, your attitudes, your values. attitudes, your values.

7. Mindfulness7. Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps develop a calm Mindfulness helps develop a calm concentration through non judgmental concentration through non judgmental awareness.awareness.

-allows you to be in many situations and -allows you to be in many situations and maintain sense of equanimity.maintain sense of equanimity.

-it is the concentrated awareness of one’s -it is the concentrated awareness of one’s thoughts, actions or intentions. It brings a thoughts, actions or intentions. It brings a quality of attention to our experiences in quality of attention to our experiences in the present.the present.

-it frees us from our internal commentary -it frees us from our internal commentary so that we can observe life in the present.so that we can observe life in the present.

8. Empowering Ethics8. Empowering Ethics

-Ethics has to do with consistency of -Ethics has to do with consistency of actions, actions, values, values, measures, measures, principles, principles, expectations and expectations and outcomes.outcomes.Be conversant with the Code of Be conversant with the Code of

Professional Ethics.Professional Ethics.

9. Keep your perspective9. Keep your perspective

Perspective: how you interpret and Perspective: how you interpret and organize sensations to produce a organize sensations to produce a meaningful experience of the world. meaningful experience of the world.

““it is not so much what happens to it is not so much what happens to you, as it is how you perceive what you, as it is how you perceive what happens to you that matters.”happens to you that matters.”

““what you leave behind is not what is what you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of what is woven into the lives of others.” Periclesothers.” Pericles

““There is a thought in your mind There is a thought in your mind

right now. right now.

The longer you hold on to it, The longer you hold on to it,

the more you dwell upon it, the more you dwell upon it,

the more life you give to that thought. the more life you give to that thought.

Give it enough life, and it will become Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is real. So make sure the thought is

indeed a great one.” indeed a great one.” Ralph MarstonRalph Marston

““How far you go in life depends on How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, your being tender with the young,

compassionate with the aged, compassionate with the aged,

sympathetic with the striving and sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strongtolerant of the weak and the strong– – because some day you will have because some day you will have been all of these.” been all of these.” George Washington George Washington

CarverCarver

10. Self Care10. Self Care

Are there things you preach to others Are there things you preach to others that you do not practice yourself?that you do not practice yourself?

11. Breathe11. Breathe

Proper breathing brings more oxygen to the Proper breathing brings more oxygen to the blood and to the brain. blood and to the brain.

1. clavicular breathing: shallowest1. clavicular breathing: shallowest 2. thoracic: rib breathing – not efficient2. thoracic: rib breathing – not efficient 3. deep abdominal breathing brings air to 3. deep abdominal breathing brings air to

the lowest and largest part of the lungs. the lowest and largest part of the lungs. Slow and deep, diaphragm engaged.Slow and deep, diaphragm engaged.

Best breath combines all 3.Best breath combines all 3. ““Smile, breathe and go slowly.” Thich Nhat Smile, breathe and go slowly.” Thich Nhat

HanhHanh

12. Love and Compassion12. Love and Compassion

“ “ Love heals through the restoration of Love heals through the restoration of homeostasis. The most powerful thing for the homeostasis. The most powerful thing for the restoration of the body’s balance is love. The restoration of the body’s balance is love. The limbic brain establishes limbic resonance with limbic brain establishes limbic resonance with another, and then homeostasis, which is another, and then homeostasis, which is healing, occurs.” healing, occurs.” Deepak ChopraDeepak Chopra

Practice self compassion and be realistic Practice self compassion and be realistic about what you can and cannot achieve about what you can and cannot achieve within the time frame you have. Be tender within the time frame you have. Be tender with yourself.with yourself.

May you gaze upon yourselfMay you gaze upon yourself

With the same care, compassion With the same care, compassion

And gentleness, And gentleness,

with which God gazes on you this day and with which God gazes on you this day and every moment of every day.every moment of every day.

Adapted from John O’DonohueAdapted from John O’Donohue