SELF and Self Esteem

Mary Parker Follet

Art of getting things done through people.

• How much do you believe in your self? On a piece of paper write down the percentage of how much you believe in yourself. 100%? 75%? 50%?

• What are you achieving with that percentage?

• What would happen if you believed in yourself 25% more?

Dreams and self belief are free. You can take all you want and walk away.

• Self-concept: Picture or perception of ourselves

• Self Esteem: Feelings we have about ourselves

• Self-ideal: The way we would like to be

As I See Myself

Other’s Reactions to Me

As Others See Me

My Actions

Self-Concept Circle

1. The person I

think I am.

2. The person others

think I am.

3. The person others think

I think I am.

• No one can make you feel inferior without your Consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt

What is Self-Esteem?

• Most people's feelings and thoughts about themselves fluctuate somewhat based on their daily experiences. The grade you get on an exam, how your friends treat you, ups and downs in aromantic relationship-all can have a temporary impact on your wellbeing.

• Your self-esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal "ups and downs" associated with situational changes. For people with good basic self-esteem, normal "ups and downs" may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel about themselves, but only to a limited extent. In contrast, for people with poor basic self-esteem, these "ups and downs" may make all the difference in the world.

Where does it come from?

• Evolves through life

• Largely developed in childhood– Successes– Failures– How you are treated and how you experience

the treatment

Healthy Self-Esteem• Childhood experiences that lead to healthy self-esteem include:

– being praised

– being listened to

– being spoken to respectfully

– getting attention and hugs

– experiencing success in sports or school

– having trustworthy friends

Low Self-Esteem• Childhood experiences that lead to low self-esteem include:

– being harshly criticized

– being yelled at, or beaten

– being ignored, ridiculed or teased

– being expected to be "perfect" all the time

– experiencing failures in sports or school

• People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences (losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc.) were failures of their whole self.

What Does Your "Inner Voice" Say?

• Our past experiences, even the things we don't usually think about, are all alive and active in our daily life in the form of an Inner Voice. Although most people do not "hear" this voice in the same way they would a spoken one, in many ways it acts in a similar way, constantly repeating those original messages to us.

• For people with healthy self-esteem the messages of the inner voice are positive and reassuring. For people with low self-esteem, the inner voice becomes a harsh inner critic, constantly criticizing, punishing, and belittling their accomplishments.

Maslow Hierarchy

Maslow• Biological and Physiological needs - air, food,

drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc. • Safety needs - protection from elements, security,

order, law, limits, stability, etc. • Belongingness and Love needs - work group,

family, affection, relationships, etc. • Esteem needs - self-esteem, achievement, mastery,

independence, status, dominance, prestige, managerial responsibility, etc.

• Self-Actualization needs - realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

THREE Faces of Low Self-Esteem

Most of us have an image of what low self-esteem looks like, but it is not always so easy to recognize. Three common faces that low self-esteem may wear include but are not limited to:

The Imposter

• Acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. Lives with the constant fear that she or he will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out.

The Rebel• Acts like the opinions or good will of others -

especially people who are important or powerful - don't matter. Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority.

The Loser• Acts helpless and unable to cope with the

world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships.

Consequences of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can have

devastating consequences.• It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased

likelihood for depression. • It can cause problems with friendships and

relationships. • It can seriously impair academic and job

performance. • It can lead to underachievement and increased

vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.

Worst of all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral

of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively

self-destructive behavior.

Three Steps to Better Self-Esteem

• Before you can begin to improve your self-esteem you must first believe that you can change it. Change doesn't necessarily happen quickly or easily, but it can happen. You are not powerless! Once you have accepted, or are at least willing to entertain the possibility that you are not powerless, there are three steps you can take to begin to change your self-esteem:

Step 1: Rebut the Inner Critic

• The first important step in improving self-esteem is to begin to challenge the negative messages of the critical inner voice.

Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing

• Rebutting your critical inner voice is an important first step, but it is not enough. Since our self-esteem is in part due to how others have treated us in the past, the second step to more healthy self-esteem is to begin to treat yourself as a worthwhile person.

• Start to challenge past negative experiences or messages by nurturing and caring for yourself in ways that show that you are valuable, competent, deserving and lovable. There are several components to self-nurturing:

• Practice Basic Self-Care• Plan Fun & Relaxing Things For Yourself• Reward Yourself For Your Accomplishments• Remind Yourself of Your Strengths &

Achievements• Forgive Yourself When You Don't Do All You'd

Hoped• Self-Nurture Even When You Don't Feel You

Deserve It

Step 3: Get Help from Others • Getting help from others is often the most important

step a person can take to improve his or her self-esteem, but it can also be the most difficult. People with low self-esteem often don't ask for help because they feel they don't deserve it.

• Since low self-esteem is often caused by how other people treated you in the past, you may need the help of other people in the present to challenge the critical messages that come from negative past experiences. Here are some ways to get help from others:

• Ask for Support from Friends– Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or

think you do well. – Ask someone who cares about you to just listen to

you "vent" for a little while without trying to "fix" things.

– Ask for a hug. – Ask someone who loves you to remind you that

they do.

• Get Help from Other Helpers– Go to, advisors, mentors or others to ask for help– If you lack self-confidence in certain areas, take

classes or try out new activities to increase your sense of competence (for example, take a math class, join a dance club, take swimming lessons, etc.)

• Talk to a Therapist or Counselor– Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or

difficult to overcome that the professional help of a therapist or counselor is needed.

– Talking to a counselor is a good way to learn more about your self-esteem issues and begin to improve your self-esteem.

S.W.O.T. Analysis

Talk to Your Hand

Keep your right hand on the desk and close your eyes. Tell your self “my hand is heavy, I cannot lift it, it is heavy like a log, how much ever I try I cannot lift it”

Keep repeating it for 2 minutes.

Self esteem and Self ManagementSelf esteem and Self Management

•Whether we are born with high/low self esteem or whether we acquired our make-up early in life, we cannot fundamentally change ourselves.

•But we can alter the way we perceive ourselves. This can make a big difference to how we feel.

•Self esteem is the foundation for personal success and happiness.

•A fair degree of confidence or self belief is necessary for achieving anything worthwhile in life.

•You can't achieve your full potential or be happy if you strongly doubt your ability to achieve goals that are important to you.

•The key to healthy self esteem is becoming aware of your personal strengths and accepting yourself as a worthy person despite any real weaknesses you have.

•This also means learning that low self esteem is partly self imposed regardless of original causes - we maintain our own low self esteem by underestimating our basic worth relative to others.

The good news is that we can change how we view ourselves - even though it is easier said

than done!

There are two different people in the world. One that says “I wish I had” and the one that says “I’m glad I did”. Remember you can have anything in this world if you just believe in yourself.

Check your Self esteem

• Score as follows(each score shows how true or the amount of time you believe that statement is true for you.

• 0= not at all true for me

• 1= somewhat true or true only part of the time

• 2=fairly true or true about half the time

• 3=mainly true or true most of the time.

• 4= true all the time.

Check your Self Esteem-Barksdale

1. I don’t feel anyone else is better than I am .

2. I am free from shame, blame and guilt .

3. I am happy, carefree person .

4. I have no need to prove I am as good as or better than others .

5. I do not have a strong need for people to pay attention to me or like what I do .

6. Losing does not upset me or make me feel “Less Than” others .

7. I feel warm and loving towards myself .

8. I do not feel others are better than I am because they can do things better, have more money or are more popular.

9. I am at ease with strangers and make friends easily .

10. I speak up for my own ideas, likes and dislikes .

11.I am not hurt by others opinions or attitudes .

12.I do not need praise to feel good about myself .

13.I feel good about others good luck and winning .

14.I do not find fault with my family, friends or others.

15.I do not feel that I must always please others .

16.I am open an hones and not afraid of letting people see my real self .

17.I am friendly, thoughtful and generous towards others .

18.I do not blame others for my problems and mistakes .

19.I enjoy being alone with myself .

20.I accept compliments and gifts without feeling uncomfortable or needing to give something in return .

21.I admit my mistakes and defeats without feeling ashamed or less than others .

22.I feel no need to defend what I think, say or do .

23.I do not need others to agree with me or tell me I am right .

24.I do not brag about myself, what I have done, or what my family has or does.

25.I do not feel “put down” when criticized by my friends or others .

• Calculate your score- count total number of responses under each how many under 0 how may under 1 , how many under 2 and so on ,then multiply like if you have 10 resonses marked as two multiply 2 into 10 and so on with all the numbers. Total all the multiplied numbers.

•

• The possible range of your self esteem Index is from 0-100

• Sound self esteem indicated by an SEI of 95 or more

• Good self esteem is indicated by score of 90 to 94

• Any score under 90 is a disadvantage

• A score of 75 or less is a problem

• SEI below than 50 is a serious problem and needs help

Best FriendsWould you take better care of yourself?Would you be kinder to yourself?Would you be more forgiving of your human imperfections?If you realized your best friend was yourself?

Who is always with you everywhere?Who is on your side when others are unfair?And tell me, who will never let you down in any situation?Who will always see you get your share?

And that’s why I’m a best friend to myself.And I take me out whenever I feel low.And I make my life as happy as a best friend wouldI’m as nice to me as anyone I know!

• Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

 

• Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!

• We need to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there. There is a lot of good in you! Don’t be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength. Every day we look in the mirror, we can wonder what flowers we'll unknowingly be watering that day.

“Commercial of Me”

Emphasizing the positive characteristics and capabilities of you, develop an

advertisement or commercial to “sell oneself”.

It may be a radio or television ad, billboard, sweepstakes, etc.

THANK YOU