section 6 lesson 1 the effects of competition and rivalry between family members and peers on self...
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SECTION 6 LESSON 1
The Effects of Competition and Rivalry Between Family Members and Peers on Self
Esteem, Ego Striving, and Mood
Under Construction
In many families, each child is compared to their parents and siblings and sometimes extends to peers. These comparisons affect the child’s self esteem, sense of self worth, and, as a result, the child’s mood. When the adolescent begins to join and identify with groups, comparisons between groups are taken in as though they validated or invalidated the teens personal worth, self esteem, and mood.
Comparisons generate self monitoring and divert focus from the process of activities to the appearance of the performance, from pleasure in the activity to anxiety over outcomes.
Comparisons Made with Parents and Siblings Undermine Self Esteem, Cause Negative Emotions and Moods, and Cause Ego Striving and Flip-Flops
Children Carry the Tendency to Make Comparisons into Adolescence and The Make Comparisons with Peers Causing Ego Striving and Mood Flip-Flops
From Sibling Rivalry to Rivalry with Peers and Between Peer Groups, Teens Incorporate a Comparison Scale that Raises or Lowers Their Self Esteem, Their Feelings About Themselves and Their Mood
If a peer group or clique is considered better than mine, then my self esteem is lowered.
If my peer group or clique is considered better than some other one, then I am better and my self esteem goes up.
This means that the teen’s ego or self esteem is constantly flip-flopping and moods are constantly shifting between depression and elation.
1. A SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM BEGINS TO DEVELOP INADOLESCENCE CONSISTENT WITH THE PRIVATE SUPPRESSED SELF
2. TRANSITION TO THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THEPROCESS OF EMOTIONAL EMANCIPATION
3. PEER COMPARISONS SHAPE THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER
4. EVENTUALLY THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM CO-DEVELOPS THECHILD’S SELF IMAGE
by
Ed Young, Ph.D.
THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE
o
r
j
c
P
o
e
ti
n
Real
World
The waytheworldappearsas seenthroughthe lensof theImplicitOthers
and can not be the way
The world is just
like my parents. I cannot be the way I wantto be with my parents
I want to be in theadult world. They arethe enemy. They areall so stuffy andnegative. They seeeverything as beingdangerous, bad, crazy,irresponsible andstupid. But they arethe ones that arestupid. But what aboutthose other teenagersover there, my peers?Maybe we can avoidthat alien world andfind a secret placewhere we can be
ourselves.
where I can
They are
That’s thegroup
be myself.
just likeme!
NowPEER PRESSUREOK. . What dothey think of me?
Lens ofImplicitOther
PeerGroup orGang
Hey, let’s do our own thing. Let’s have a party and throw off their harness, be free, and have
a blast!
A SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM BEGINS TO DEVELOP IN ADOLESCENCE CONSISTENT WITH THE PRIVATE SUPPRESSED SELF
PARENTS
WHICH
PEERS, ASSECONDARY
IMPLICIT OTHERSYSTEM, BEGIN TO
BECOME THELENS THROUGH
PARENTSARE NOW SEENAND JUDGED.
I’m taking astep towardemancipation,toward being myown separateindividual self,being emotionallyindependent, usingand havingconfidence in myown judgment,venturing out intothe world toestablish my ownplace in the world.Shifting alliance tomy Peers is one ofthe main ways tohelp meaccomplish this.But I still need myparents even while Iam separating fromthem.
THE INTERACTION BETWEEN PEER RELATIONSHIPS AND THE CHILD’S EVOLVING SELFSYSTEM
TRANSITION TO THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THE PROCESS OF EMOTIONAL EMANCIPATION
Now each peer inthe peer group begins to bejudged by BOTHImplicit OtherSystems. Thisbecomes veryconfusing and very stressful.
PARENTS
Other
implicit
Peer
ImplicitOther
Secondary
System
EVENTUALLY THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM CO-DEVELOPS THE ADOLESCENT’S SELF IMAGE
Understanding Social Cannibalism of the Early Teen Years and the Life Cycle of Aggression and Picking on People
5.
Causes of Social Cannibalism
2.1. 4.
3.
7.
6.
7. Child becomes a parent and repeats physical punishment, abuse, picking on, suppressing hostile come backs, and attacking behavior that is different.
Development of SocialCannibalism Over Time1. Parent abusively punishes or picks on child for behavior that deviates from family cultural norms.2. Child picks on smaller child3. Child picks on child who is different4. Child grows up and picks on smaller child
5. Child in early teens picks on similar other early teen for minor differences and vulnerabilities.6. Child as late teen turns on age cohorts who are different.
Escalation of Insecurity when entering new phase of adolescent freedom of mobility and choices. Insecurity is transformed into paranoid suspicion, angry resentment, and invidious comparisons. They cluster is small groups of high similarity and pick on each other.Being away from parental protection there comes a fear of older, upper classmen and strangers. Fear when cornered turns into explosive rage. Frightened, vulnerable kids in a group convert to aggression.Physical punishment and abuse, feeling picked on at home, and suppression of hostility results in displacement of anger and resentment onto peers who are different or perceived as engaging in put downs or invidious comparisons.Desire to make someone else ‘who is not intimidating’ suffer the same way child had to suffer. The initiation turnabout syndrome.Dormant, incorporated parental modeling of abusive, punitive attacks on behavior that deviates from family cultural norms re-surges from the unconscious spontaneously, welcome or not, when roles are reversed and the child has become a parent.
PEER COMPARISONS SHAPE THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHERInsecurity and Loss of Authenticity and Spontaneity In Peer Groups