section 4 - エダンズ グループ ジャパン · understanding of what tpack is, and the way...
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Effective writing 2
Section 4
Effective writing
Nature’s guide to authors:
Nature is an international journal covering all the sciences. Contributions should therefore be written clearly and simply so that they are accessible to readers in other disciplines and to readers for whom English is not their first language.
www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/index.html#a4
“I should use complex words to make my writing more impressive.”
Effective writing
To ascertain the efficaciousness of the program, we interrogated the participants upon completion.
To determine the success of the program, we questioned the participants upon completion.
Simple language
Effective writing Complex words to avoid
Prefer Enough Clear Determine Begin Try Very Size Keep Enough End Use
Avoid Adequate Apparent Ascertain Commence Endeavor Exceedingly Magnitude* Retain Sufficient Terminate* Utilization *OK in certain fields (magnitude of earthquakes, to terminate gene expression)
Effective writing
Avoid At a concentration of 2 g/L At a temperature of 37C At a wavelength of 340 nm In order to In the first place Four in number Green color Subsequent to Prior to
Prefer At 2 g/L At 37C At 340 nm To First Four Green After Before
Unnecessary words
Effective writing
In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a
temperature of 95°C until it became black in color.
In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a
temperature of 95°C until it became black in color.
First, to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at 95°C until it became black.
28 words
18 words
Unnecessary words
Effective writing
“A number of studies have shown that the charged group...”
“...as described in our previous study.”
“...at a flow rate of 1.0 mL/min.”
“As a matter of fact, such a low-temperature reaction…”
“That is another reason why, we believe…”
“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”
Unnecessary words
“A number of studies have shown that the charged group...”
“...as described previously in our previous study.”
“...at a flow rate of 1.0 mL/min.”
“As a matter of fact, such a This low-temperature reaction…”
“That is another reason why Therefore, we believe…”
“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”
Effective writing
1. You deserve the funding, but the study design is not perfect.
Which sentence suggests that you
will get funding?
2. The study design is not perfect, but you deserve the funding.
Academic English writing style 1
Effective writing
The study design is not perfect, but you deserve the
funding. The grant will be awarded in two stages.
Stress position
Topic position
Readers focus at the end of the sentence for what is important. Information in this stress position can also introduce
the topic of the next sentence (useful for explanations and processes).
Academic English writing style 1
Effective writing
The local government has been striving to introduce Information and Communication Technology (ICT) in education. In college science education, technology was introduced through the ICT-Connect-TED project. The program aimed at improving the quality of lecturers through the use of ICT. ICT-Connect-TED recently provided computers and a networking infrastructure to selected tertiary colleges.
idea idea idea idea
Topic link
sentence
Adapted from: Kafyulilo et al. Educ Inf Technol. 5 May 2015; DOI 10.1007/s10639-015-9398-0
Academic English writing style 1
Effective writing
Almost all participants indicated a high level of satisfaction with the content, sequence and relevance of the ICT professional development program they attended. Only a few lecturers reported that the duration of the professional development program was too short. However, the majority of the lecturers reported that they developed an understanding of what TPACK is, and the way technology can enhance teaching and learning of difficult scientific concepts through the collaborative design of technology-enhanced clinic sessions in teams. “I developed an understanding of how TPACK can be applied in the design and teaching of a technology-enhanced lesson” said one of the pre-service lecturers. A lecturer from College C said if it was not the professional development he attended, he would not know how to use technology in teaching.
The pre-service lecturers had the opportunity to further develop learning about technology integration in teaching after the professional development program had finished. They were invited to use their TPACK knowledge in workshops organized by the Ministry of Education and Vocational Training…
Topic sentence
Stress sentence Topic sentence
Supporting sentences
Academic English writing style 1
Adapted from: Kafyulilo et al. Educ Inf Technol. 5 May 2015; DOI 10.1007/s10639-015-9398-0
Please see Activity 3 in your Workbook
Activity 3: Effective writing
Methods and Results 1
Section 5
Methods and Results
What did you do?
Methods
What was done
• Variables measured • Processes, treatments, measurements • General to specific
• Quantification; models/equations • Statistical tests (& P level) • Consult a statistician
What was studied
• Tests, controls • Number of samples/sets of tests • Materials/equipment (+ maker)
Data analysis
(1) Caution notices for dangerous substances/processes…No incidents occurred; researchers have to be qualified and trained, and use suitable
protocols, precautions, and facilities; (2) Ethics declarations
Methods and Results
Established techniques
• Cite previously published studies • Briefly state modifications • Use flow chart/table if needed
• Explain purposes; justify choices • Give enough detail for reproducibility • Use Supplementary Information
Organization • Arrange in (titled) subsections • Keep parallel to the display items • Use topic sentences
New techniques
Methods/Experimental
Methods and Results
“We used NMR spectroscopy to determine the structure of the polymers.”
We name of
technique investigate
name of property.
study
measure
confirm
determine
used to
Method------------------------------Purpose
Method – Purpose
Methods
Methods and Results
“To determine the structure of the polymers, we used NMR spectroscopy.”
we name of
technique.
used
Purpose-----------------------------Method
Purpose – Method
investigate
name of property,
study
measure
confirm
determine
To
Methods
Methods and Results Describing processes
PVA
PVA solution Titanium and
niobium powder
Dry body
The PVA and water were mixed to form a PVA solution.
Implant
The PVA solution and titanium and niobium powder were mixed to form a mixed paste.
The mixed paste was dried to form a dry body.
The dry body was heated to give the implant.
Water
Mixed paste
Methods and Results Describing processes
PVA and water were mixed and then combined with titanium and niobium power to form a mixed paste. The mixed paste was dried overnight at
to form a dry body, which was then heated at to give the implant.
Add full details
The PVA and water were mixed to form a PVA solution. The PVA solution and titanium and niobium powder were mixed to form a mixed paste. The mixed paste was dried to form a dry body. The dry body was heated to give the implant.
Avoid redundancy
Methods and Results Check the logic of lists
The variables included family size, personal and household incomes.
The variables included family size and personal and household incomes.
The recorded times were 1 hour, 20 minutes, and 360 seconds.
The recorded times were 60 minutes, 20 minutes, and 6 minutes.
The cities comprised Tokyo, Japan, London, UK, and Chicago, USA.
The cities comprised Tokyo, Japan; London, UK; and Chicago, USA.
Methods and Results Respectively
Oxygen detector flow Nitrogen detector flow Hydrogen detector flow
85 mL/min 7 mL/min 4 mL/min
Respectively – example
Oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen detector flows were set at 85, 7, and 4 mL/min, respectively. 15 words
The oxygen detector flow was set at 85 mL/min, the nitrogen detector flow was set at 7 mL/min, and the hydrogen detector flow was set at 4 mL/min. 28 words
Activity 4: Methods
Please see Activity 4 in your Workbook
Methods and Results 2
Section 6
Methods and Results Results
• Synthesis, characteristics • Group, subgroups • Algorithm, trial, improvement
• Each subsection relates to one figure and method
• What you found, not what it means
• Use Supplementary Information
• Data accessibility
Logical presentation
Subsections
Factual description
What did you find?
Methods and Results
a
Combined Results–Discussion
Results Interpretation
Figure 1
Results Interpretation
Figure 2
Results Interpretation
Figure 3
Results Interpretation
Figure 4
Synthesis
Logical presentation
Characterization
Application
Methods and Results
A B
Describe relationships
(a) A is 4 times larger than B (b) A is 4-fold larger than B (c) A is 4 times as large as B
Which of these statements are correct?
Methods and Results
A B
Describe relationships
(a) B is 4 times smaller than A (b) B is 75% smaller than A (c) B is 25% the size of A
Which of these statements are correct?
Comparing data; Method–Purpose; Condition–Effect; Reason–Result; Cause–Effect; General–Specific; Contrast;
Similarity; Sequence; Addition; Exemplification
Methods and Results
Treatment A reduced soil lead levels by 32.7% and increased soil pH by 12.3%. Treatment B reduced soil lead levels by 22.3% and increased soil pH by 15.6%. Treatment C reduced soil lead levels by 38.1% and increased soil pH by 6.9%.
Describe relationships among your results
Methods and Results
Treatment A reduced soil lead levels by 32.7% and increased soil pH by 12.3%. Treatment B reduced soil lead levels by 22.3% and increased soil pH by 15.6%. Treatment C reduced soil lead levels by 38.1% and increased soil pH by 6.9%.
Describe relationships among your results
Methods and Results
Treatment C reduced soil lead levels (38.1%) more effectively than treatments A (32.7%) and B (22.3%). However, treatment B increased soil pH levels (15.6%) more effectively than treatments A (12.3%) and C (6.9%).
Describe relationships among your results
“showed a greater reduction”
Methods and Results
Compared with is for saying how things are different
The accuracy of the new program was reduced
compared to the previous program.
The accuracy of the new program was reduced compared with that of the previous program.
The accuracy of the new program was lower than that of the previous program.
Avoid mistakes 1
Methods and Results Avoid mistakes 2
Use parallel terms
The values were higher in group 1 than for group 2.
The values were higher in group 1 than in group 2. The values were higher for group 1 than for group 2.
Writing involves many skills: planning, preparing, drafting, and you need to check carefully.
Writing involves many skills: planning, preparing, drafting, and careful checking.
Methods and Results
Present large amount of data quickly and efficiently
Keep it simple: use separate panels if necessary
Must be able to stand alone: clear labels and
figure legends
Usually the first thing readers will look at
Figures, graphs & tables
Display items
Methods and Results
SEM images of Bentheimer sample 1 before and after damage (10 g/L barite). (a) and (b) show the undamaged plug, only quartz crystals can be seen, (c) and (d) show the sample after damage, adhesion between quartz (gray) and barite (white) can be seen, (e) and (f) show the adhesion between barite particles in the damaged plug. The black arrows point towards barite-quartz and barite-barite interfaces.
Figures
Clear figure legend
Al-Yaseri et al. J Petrol Sci Eng. 2015; DOI 10.1016/j.petrol.2015.01.018.
Title of the experiment
Key findings
Clear indicators
Methods and Results Tables vs. graphs
Type A Type B Type C
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Aluminum
Gold
Figure 1. Efficiency of various solar cell types using aluminum and gold electrodes
Effi
cien
cy (
%)
Which electrode gives a more efficient solar cell?
Methods and Results Tables vs. graphs
Figure 1. Efficiency of various solar cell types using aluminum and gold electrodes
Type A Type B Type C
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Aluminum
Gold
What is the highest efficiency achieved?
?
Effi
cien
cy (
%)
Methods and Results Tables vs. graphs
What is the highest efficiency achieved?
Table 1. Efficiency of solar cells using aluminum and gold electrodes
Methods and Results
Independent variables
Table formatting
Raj et al. PLoS ONE. 2014; 9: doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0106210.
Symbols defined
Dependent variable;
N numbers given
Table 1. Demographic profiled of ever-married women aged 20–24 years for most recent Demographic Health Survey data from Bangladesh, India, Nepal, and Pakistan.
Clear and concise table title
Methods and Results Line graphs
Zhu et al. Sci Rep. 2013; 3: 3163.
Quantized water transport: Ideal desalination through graphyne-4 membrane
The uniaxial stress-strain curves of graphene sheet (GR), as well as graphyne-1 to graphyne-6, along (a) the reclined chair direction, and (b) zigzag direction.
Dependent variable
Independent variable
Use colors and shapes to differentiate lines
Define abbreviations
Methods and Results Results dos and don’ts
Do… • Use descriptive headings to break up your results • Group your results • Refer to all figures and tables at least once
Don’t… • Repeat unnecessary information from tables and figures • Use “significantly” when writing without relevant
statistics • Interpret the results if separate from the Discussion
Activity 5: Results
Please see Activity 5 in your Workbook
Introductions
Section 7
Coverage and Staffing Plan
Introductions Introduction
Why is your study needed?
Current state of the field
Background information
Aim
Problem in the field
Previous studies
Current study
General
Specific Importance/Hypothesis
Worldwide relevance? Broad/specialized?
Up-to-date, International Not too many self-cites
Specific aim/approach/contents Check if Results can be previewed; extra sections?
Coverage and Staffing Plan
Introductions Example introduction
Scaffold-based tissue engineering involves the combination of cells, bioactive factors and structural scaffolding materials to promote repair and regeneration of tissues.1-3 Researchers have recently developed many scaffold materials for specific injury sites. These scaffolds effectively support cell attachment and growth…. Integrating electrospun scaffolds with cells remains challenging. It is often difficult for cells that are cultured on electrospun fibers to penetrate into pores…. Optimizing both porous and mechanical features of scaffolds for tissue engineering would be a crucial step in simulating the extracellular matrix…. This study aimed to design and fabricate poly(glycolic acid) scaffolds using electrospinning to consistently allow cellular infiltration into the scaffolds…. We report on the fabrication of five scaffolds and their effects on tissue development.
Background
Current state
Problem
Importance
Aim/approach
Contents
Coverage and Staffing Plan
Introductions Indicating problems
However, …an alternative approach… …presents a new challenge …a need for clarification… …a problem/weakness with… …has not been dealt with… …remains unstudied …requires clarification …is not sufficiently (+ adjective) …is ineffective/inaccurate/inadequate/inconclusive/incorrect/unclear Few studies have… There is an urgent need to… There is growing concern that… Little evidence is available on… It is necessary to… Little work has been done on…
Coverage and Staffing Plan
Introductions
For lithium manganese spinel electrodes, obtaining substituted spinels of a general formula Li[LiqMn2-q]O4 and decreasing the size of particles by pyrolysis lead to better cycling ability….However, particles exhibit fast aggregation upon thermal treatment with citric acid pyrolysis in air.
Problem in the field
Your aims must directly address the problem
Study sample
Variables Outcome
Lithium manganese spinel electrodes
Excess lithium ions Particle size/aggregation
Pyrolysis conditions
Improved physical and electrochemical
properties Modified from: Potapenko et al. Mater Renew Sustain Energy. 2015; 4: 40.
Writing the Introduction
Coverage and Staffing Plan
Introductions
Your aims must directly address the problem
We describe the properties of Li[Li0.033Mn1.967]O4 after pyrolysis in an inert atmosphere. Its particle size is smaller, the degree of aggregation is lower, and high-rate properties are better that for its analogue pyrolyzed in air.
Study aims
Modified from: Potapenko et al. Mater Renew Sustain Energy. 2015; 4: 40.
Writing the Introduction
For lithium manganese spinel electrodes, obtaining substituted spinels of a general formula Li[LiqMn2-q]O4 and decreasing the size of particles by pyrolysis lead to better cycling ability….However, particles exhibit fast aggregation upon thermal treatment with citric acid pyrolysis in air.
Problem in the field
Coverage and Staffing Plan
Introductions Common mistakes in the Introduction
Ideas are not logically organized
Introduce topics that are not discussed later (Results/Discussion)
Not introduce important topics that are discussed later (topics introduced in the Discussion)
Cited studies are not up-to-date
Cited studies are geographically biased
Why study needs to be done?
Keep focused
Write last
<5 years
International
Activity 6: Introductions
Please see Activity 6 in your Workbook