secrets of body language

Secrets of Body Language [email protected]

1SECRETS OF BODY LANGUAGE

Arif Anis

The Secrets of Body Language

Arif Anis

(This presentation is based on Arif Anis‟ upcoming book)[email protected]


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Body language is a form of non-verbal communication,

consisting of body pose, gestures, and eye

movements. Humans send and interpret such signals

subconsciously


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The Cortico-Limbic Theory for targeted

communication (CLTC)


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to educate the “thinking” brain, the neocortex, with information that is already

inherited in our “emotional” part of the

brain ( Amygdala) in the limbic system..


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to better understand others, control our own body language

to help us improve our communication

skills


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Three interrelated brain networks involved in

Emotional Body Language (EBL)


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Mehrabian's rule (1971)Three elements in any

face-to-face communication


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1. Actual words ( Verbal) 7%

2. Tone, pitch, pace of voice ( Vocal) 38%

3. Facial Expression, gesture, posture (Visual) 55%


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Words are used primarilyfor conveying information, while

body language is used fornegotiating interpersonal

attitudes and as a substitute for verbal messages


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Nonverbal SignalsVary from culture to culture

Mic

roso

ft Ph

oto


This is 'good' to Westerners, 'one'

to Italians,'five' to Japanese and 'up yours' to

the GreeksEveryone


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Showing this American football gesture

is a jailable offence in Italy


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'OK' to a Westerner,

'money'to a Japanese,

'zero' tothe French and

insulting tothe Turks and

Brazilians


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This can mean 'Good', 'One','Up yours' or 'Sit on this'depending

where you live


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Body leaning forward

REFLECTIVEOPEN/BACK, people are interested and receptive, but not actively accepting. Trying to close the sale or asking for an agreement now may drive them away into fugitive mode. This is the time to present further facts and incentives. It may also be a good time to keep quiet and let them think.

4 Basic positions


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Body leaning backwards

RESPONSIVE

OPEN/FORWARD the person is actively accepting. This is the time to close the sale, ask for agreement, demand a concession.

4 Basic positions


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FUGITIVE

CLOSED/BACK, people are trying to escape physically through the door or mentally into boredom. This is the time to spark interest in any way you can, even irrelevant to the message.

4 Basic positions


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COMBATIVE

CLOSED/FORWARD, there is active resistance. This is the time to defuse anger, avoid contradiction and outright argument and to steer them into reflective mode.

4 Basic positions


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Shoulder Shrug •exposed palms to show nothing is being concealed in the hands•Hunched shoulders to protect the throat from attack •Raised brow which is a universal, submissivegreeting

Universal Gestures


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Three Rules for Accurate Reading

Rule 1. Read Gestures in Clusters

Scratching the head can mean uncertaintybut it's also a sign of dandruff



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Critical evaluation

• Legs tightly crossed and arm crosses body thus implicated listener is defensive

• Head and chin are down implicate hostility

• I don’t like what you are saying and I disagree with you


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Am I being critically evaluated

now?


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Let me first evaluate you


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Hillary Clinton uses this cluster when she's not

convinced


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Rule 2. Look for Congruence


When a person's words and body language are in conflict, women ignore what is said


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http://bp1.blogger.com/_U_NTD9Kf0wo/Rn9QCgvCcwI/AAAAAAAAACw/zsltnFidvSY/s1600-h/body+language.jpg


Rule 3. Read Gestures in Context


All gestures should be considered in the context in which theyoccur


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The man is cold, not defensive


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Why Kids are Easier to Read

Older people are harder to read than younger ones

becausethey have less muscle tone in

the face


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The child telling a lie

Covers the mouth with one or both hands they have less muscle tone in the face


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The teenager telling a lie

Rubs fingers lightly around the mouth


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The adult telling a lie


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..or they can just bite lower lip, purse lips, or skew mouth from side to side


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Bill Clinton answering questions aboutMonica Lewinsky in front of the Grand Jury


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Modern humans are worse at reading

body signals than their ancestors because weare now distracted by

words


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When men lie their body language can be obvious

Women prefer to look busy as they lie


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Body language is easier to fake with menthan with women

because, overall, menaren't good readers of

body language


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Fakers can only pretend for a short period of time


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How to Detect Openness

The palms are intentionally used everywhereto infer an open, honest approach


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How to Detect Openness

'Trust me - I'm a doctor'


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Palm Power

Palm up = non threatening


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Palm Power

Palm down —authority


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Palm Power

Adolf Hitler using one of history's most notable Palm-Down signals


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Palm Power

The Palm-Closed-Finger-Pointed gesture is one of the most annoying gesturesannoying gestures


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Palm Power

The pointing finger creates negative feelings in most listeners

But often it can inspire the listeners


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Palm Power

..even for the war of independence


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Palm Power

Squeezing the thumb against the fingertips avoids intimidating the audience


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Hand Shakes

Dominant submissive


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Hand Shakes

Equal


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Hand Shakes

The Double-Hander


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Hand Shakes

The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug

And

It may produce discomfort in

unfamiliar recipient


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Hand Shakes

Yasser Arafat plants a Double-Hander on Tony Blair, whose tight-lipped expression shows he's not impressed


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Hand Shakes that invades the personal space of the recipient


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The Wrist Hold The Elbow Grasp


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The Upper-Arm Grip The Shoulder Hold


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Hand Shakes that produce discomfort in

recipient


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The Wet Fish :Hyperhydrosis

The Vice :A desire to dominate


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Bone-Crusher:A desire to dominate

The Socket Wrencher :Pulling the receiver into

the initiator's territory


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The Finger-Tip Grab:Personal space

difference

The Stiff-Arm Thrust :Aggression


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The Pump Handle :Lack of

sophistication

The Dutch Treat :'Giving a handshake like a bunch of carrots'


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The Magic of Smile and Laughter


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False smiles pull back only the mouth, real smiles pull back both the mouth and eyes


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„False Smile‟ signals fear and submission


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A primate'fear face'

(left)and a primate

'play face’ ( Right)


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When liars lie, the left side of the smile isusually more pronounced than the right


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Five Common Types of Smiles


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1.The Tight-Lipped Smile


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The Tight-Lipped Smile shows she has asecret and won't be sharing it with you


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Tony and Cherie Blair were 'tight lipped'about Cherie's last pregnancy


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2.The Twisted Smile


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The Twisted Smile means sarcasm ( Irony)


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3. The Drop-Jaw Smile


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Drop-Jaw smile with an attemptto fake smiling eyes


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A Drop-Jaw smile is a practiced smile where only the jaw is lowered to feign enjoyment


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4. Sideways-Looking-Up Smile


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Diana's Sideways-Looking-Up smile had apowerful effect on both men and women


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5.The George W Bush Grin


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The Permanent Down-Mouth


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The Down-Mouth expression can become a permanent facial feature


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The Arm Signals


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Crossed-Arms-on-Chest:he's not coming out andyou're not coming in


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Fists-Clenched-Arms-Crossed (Standard arm cross) : shows a hostileattitude exists


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The Double-Arm-Grip (Reinforced arm cross) :feeling insecure and notbuying what you're selling


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Thumbs-Up: defensive,but he still thinks he'spretty cool


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Holding-Hands-With-Yourself ::Holding herself likeher mother held herwhen she was a child


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The Broken Zipper Position : Makes a man feel secure


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Holding the hands over the crotch makes men feel more secure when they feel threatened


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Humans make a point of hiding the areas they think are their weakest or most vulnerable


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Famous people are justas nervous in public asthe rest of us


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Prince Charles' Cuff-Link-Adjust revealing his insecurities


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Handbag used toform a barrier


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Flower grasping shows self consciousness :anattempt to disguise nervousness


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The arm barrier says 'no'


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She's now open to your ideas


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Hand and Thumb Gestures


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Rubbing the Palms Together


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Showing positiveexpectancy


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'Have I got adeal for you!'


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Thumb and Finger Rub


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'We can makemoney out of this!'


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Hands Clenched Together


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Hands clenched inraised position reveals frustration, even when smiling


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Hands clenched incentre position : Moderate degree of frustration


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Hands clenched inlower position : Mild degree of frustration


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Hands clenched inlower position : Mild degree of frustration


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The Steeple


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Confident he hasthe right answers


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Raised Steeple : Confident while talking


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Lowered Steeple : Confident while listening


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Women tend to use the Lowered Steeple position more


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The Face Platter


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The Face Platter -Presenting her facefor a man to admire


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Holding Hands Behind the Back


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Back and front views of the superiority-confidence gesture


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The Hand-Gripping-Wrist Gesture : Frustrationand an attempt at self-control


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The Upper Arm Grip: More frustration


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Thumb Displays


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The Waistcoat Thruster : Thumbs are used to display dominance,assertiveness or sometimes aggressive attitudes


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Dominance / Superiority


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Thumbs-Protruding-

from-Coat-Pocket: Prince Charles using his Thumb- Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket gesture


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Giving a contradictoryverbal message: A lawyer pretending to be humble


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Thumbs-Protruding-

from-Back-Pocket: A person is trying to hide his dominant attitude.


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Closing himself offbut still feeling superior.


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signal of ridicule or disrespect when it is used to point at another person.


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Hand-to-Face Gestures


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Deceit, Doubt, Lying


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The Three Wise Monkeys.: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil


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Lying Gestures


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The Mouth Cover or

a Fake Cough.


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The Nose Touch/

Scratch: Can be used

both by the speaker

and the listener.


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The Eye Rub: 'I just can't see it'


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The Ear Grab : 'I don't want to hear it.'


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The Neck Scratch: Showing doubt/ uncertainty


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The Collar Pull: Getting hot under the collar due to tingling sensation or sweating


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Fingers-in-the-Mouth : Reassurance is needed here


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Boredom


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The hand supporting the head to stop from falling asleep


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Evaluation Gestures


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Interested evaluation — the head supports itself and the hand rests on the cheek/ chin


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Having negative thoughts


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He's heard enough oris not impressed


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Rodin's ‘The Thinker’ showed a thoughtful, evaluative attitude, but the body posture and hand supporting the head also reveal a dejected person


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Chin Stroking : Decision Making


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Female version of Chin Stroking


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Evaluation/decision-making cluster

Evaluation, decision,boredom cluster


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Eye Signals


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The Dilating Pupils


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Which picture do you find more attractive?


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The 'Looking Up' Cluster


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Princess Diana used the 'Looking Up' cluster to evoke world empathy during her marital problems


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Extended Blinking


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Shutting you out Evaluation, decision,boredom cluster


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Types of Gazing


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The SocialGazing area


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The IntimateGaze zone


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Women's wider peripheral vision means never getting caught; Men's Tunnel Vision means always getting caught


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The Power Gaze


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Eye Movements


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A. Recalling a picture


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B. Recalling a sound


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C. Recalling a feeling


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D. Talking Mentally to oneself


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The Power Lift — using the pen to control where a person looks during a presentation


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Edwin T. Hall‟s Personal Space or Zones


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Personal space —the portable bubble we all carry around with us


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Women stand slightly closer to one another, face each

other more and touch more than men do with other men


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Doctors and hairdressers are given permission to enter our Intimate Zones


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The people travelling on a crowded bus or in a lift aren't unhappy; they're just masking their emotions


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Whether we are in a crowded lift, cinema or bus, people around us become non-persons


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Common lift-riding rules:

1. There will be no talking to anyone, including a person you know.

2. Avoid eye contact with others at all times.

3. Maintain a 'poker face' - no emotion is permitted to be shown.


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4. If you have a book or newspaper, pretend to be deeply engrossed in it.

5. In bigger crowds, no body movement is allowed.

6. At all times, you must watch the floor numbers change at all times.


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The acceptable conversationaldistance for most Western,Northern European andScandinavian city dwellers


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A man with a smaller spatial need forcing a woman to lean back to defend her space


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Two men from thecity greet each other;their hands reachingto 18 inches (46cm)


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Two people from acountry town reachingout to 36 inches (lm)


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People from a sparsely populated area keeping their distance


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Leg Signals


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The Attention Stance: Closed legs, Uuncommunicative


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Legs Apart: The Crotch Display - puttinghis masculinity on show


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The Foot-Forward Position -pointing at where the mind wantsto go


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The Standing-Leg-Cross: Defensive


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The Scissors - 'No comment‘ but he's not leaving; uncertain


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She's more likely to be cold orjust looking for the rest room


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1. Uncertain about each other


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2. Openness and acceptance


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The European/BritishLeg Cross


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Not open to communicatingon any level


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Ready to argue the point -the American Figure Four


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The Leg Clamp - is a sign of the tough-minded, stubbornindividual who rejects any opinion other than their own


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The Ankle Lock: A woman minimizing her leg space and a man taking up more space


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Shy, timid people use the Leg Twine


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Men voted Parallel-Legs as their number one favoriteposition in women who are seated


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He's coming on strong withOne-Foot-Forward and CrotchDisplay; she's either undecidedor not keen


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Seating Positions


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taking the whole seat

feet steady on the floor

sitting up straight

slightly leant forward

taking the seat before it has

been offered to you

wiggling

nervous movements


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Sitting at the edge

to be in a hurry


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to lean back

passivity

arrogance

disinterest


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feet crossed under chair

not steady on floor

uncertainty


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“body barriers”


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not showing your hands

uncommunicative

“keeping secrets”


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Head Signals


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1. Head Up: Neutral Head

Position


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2.The Head Tilt: displays the vulnerable neck and makes a person appear smaller and more submissive


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Tilting the head to reveal the vulnerable neck appears to be intuitively understoodby most people


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3. Head Down: a negative, judgmental or aggressive attitude


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The Head Duck — trying toappear smaller in ordernot to cause offence to others


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the Hands-on-Hips gesture


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Hands-on-Hips makes you look bigger and morenoticeable because you

take up more space.


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Elbows up and pointed shows readiness to dominate


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Hands-on-Hips used bymodels to make clothingmore appealing


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The cowboy stance - his fingers point at what he wants you to notice


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The sexually assertive female


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Gesture clusters showaggressive attitudes


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Contradictory signals: his right arm shows pointed aggression while his lefthand attempts to protect his front


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Leg-Over-the-Arm-of-

Chair: Informality, aggressiveness, indifferenceand lack of concern


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Straddling a Chair: The Straddler wants to dominate or control while, at the same time, protecting his front


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The Catapult:This is a seated version of the Hands-on-Hips pose


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The classic positionshowing readiness for action


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Mirroring


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Thinking alike


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Mirroring the otherperson's body languageto gain acceptance


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Mirroring the otherperson's body languageto gain acceptance


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A boss would perceive asubordinate's mirroringbehavior as arrogance


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Smoking


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Women use the cigarette as a social display to open the body and display the wrist; men close their bodies when they smoke and prefer secretive holds


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Smoke blown up: confident, superior, positive;smoke blown down: negative, secretive, suspicious


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Eye Glasses


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Using the glasses tostall for time


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Solid frame glasses can make you look more sincere and intelligent; over-the-top frames don't


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Peering-Over-the-Glasses intimidates everyone


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Creating the 'Four Eyes'effect of dilated pupils


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Body Angles


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Each standing at 45-degreeangles to avoid comingacross as aggressive


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Open triangular positionencouraging the entry of athird person


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Body Pointing


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Body Pointing is used to close off a coupleand exclude the man on the right


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Foot Pointing


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Feet signaling what'son the owner's mind


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Body Lowering and Status


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We reduce our height to show subordination toothers and increase height to gain status


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Seating Arrangements


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The Corner Position: This is the most successful strategic position from which person B candeliver a presentation to person A


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The Co-operativePosition


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Competitive/Defensiveposition


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The Independent Positiontells others you don't wantto get involved


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Keeping both partiesinvolved when answeringa question


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Power Positions ata rectangular table


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'Open„ families go for round tables, 'closed' families select squaretables and 'authoritative' types select rectangular tables


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Thank You

Please read the upcoming book of the author on the secrets of body language and email you comments to [email protected]


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