1

Search & Reunion Guide

CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS901 Eastern Avenue NE

PO Box 294 Grand Rapids, MI 49501-0294

bethany.org1.800.BETHANY

© 2017 Bethany Christian Services NTL-326-PKT-17555

2

Thank you for contacting Bethany Christian Services regarding your search for birth relative information.

We know this can be a process filled with questions and uncertainty, so this guide is

intended to assist you in understanding the emotional and procedural steps. We look

forward to continuing to support you as you move forward in your search.

Inside you will find information on:

Preparing Mentally and Emotionally

Steps of the Search and Reunion Process

Frequently Asked Questions

Social Media and Searching

Helpful Resources

2

3

Explore Your ExpectationsSearching for a birth relative can often help you gain medical information, ancestry information, answer questions, and fill in some “puzzle pieces.” Know that you may not have all of your questions answered or expectations filled, yet you’ll likely get more than you expected in other positive ways.

Prepare Yourself for Various OutcomesA search can result in a dead end, a one-time contact, or an ongoing relationship. The outcome depends on multiple people. When a birth relative is found, they may experience fear, anxiety, excitement, or hope. There is no way to know in advance if this person will ever play a role in your life or even welcome contact. Likewise, you may not know if you want a relationship or contact until you begin to search and ask yourself, Do I want this person to play a role in my life? Communication is key for you both. Whatever the outcome, ideally the experience of searching will help you process parts of the past and strengthen your sense of identity.

Take Things SlowlyYou may be the type who typically moves “full steam ahead.” However, in this process, it is always best to take things slowly. Keep in mind that while you and your birthfamily are related by blood, you’ve only recently become acquaintances. A reunion may consume your thoughts, emotions, and time in the beginning; this is typical. As time goes on, emotions even out, real life continues, and hopefully, your reunion will hit a natural stride.

Rely on Your Support NetworkWhether it’s friends, family, church, or your social worker, ask for support to help you navigate this significant process. If you are really struggling emotionally in your reunion, professional counseling can help you sort through your feelings and emotions. There will always be unknowns that are difficult to prepare for. If you initiate contact slowly and thoughtfully, setting some boundaries and expressing your needs and expectations, your reunion process is more likely to go smoothly.

Expect a Flood of EmotionsNo matter how much you prepare, a search and reunion often brings up more emotions and issues than you can anticipate. A search and reunion can affect you (the person initiating the search) as well as biological family members, adoptive parents, and siblings. Be respectful of all those affected, but remember it is your process. You need to take care of yourself.

Prepare Yourself

PREPARING MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY FOR SEARCH AND REUNION

4

STEP 1:

Initial Contact to Search for Birth Relative InformationIf you have not already contacted us, please complete a web form at www.bethany.org/Contact-Us if you are interested in beginning the process of searching for birth relative information. Our staff will need to verify certain information, such as location of the adoption and the adoptee’s date of birth, to determine if we can be of assistance. If the adoption was not through Bethany, we may still be able to assist in your search or may refer you to other resources.

STEP 2:

Complete DocumentsIf Bethany can assist you with your request for information or search services, our staff will provide required documents which must be returned before beginning the search process. These include the following:

• Notice of Privacy Practices and Acknowledgement Form

• Birth Record Information/Search Form

• Copy of driver’s license or passport and/or other photo identification

• Service Contract and Fee Agreement

• Additional forms as required

Step-by-Step Process

5

Step-by-Step Processcontinued

STEP 3:

Search for InformationThe initial phase in the search process is a search for identifying or non-identifying information. Once we receive the completed forms from you, we will identify what information we can provide.

Non-Identifying Information: This is generally limited to descriptive details about an adoptee and the adoptee’s birth relatives. This type of information is generally provided to the adopting parents at the time of the adoption. Non-identifying information may include the following: date and place of the adoptee’s birth; age of the birthparents and general physical description, such as eye and hair color; race, ethnicity, religion, and medical history of the birthparents; educational level of the birthparents and their occupations at the time of the adoption; reason for placing the child for adoption and existence of other children born to each birthparent.

Identifying Information: This includes other information that may lead to the positive identification of birthparents, the adoptee, or other birth relatives. Identifying information may include current or past names of the person, addresses, employment, or other similar records or information.

STEP 4:

Search for IndividualsIf desired, the next step in the search process is a search for the individual(s). This can often be the longest part of the process. Depending on the type and location of the adoption, the process of searching will vary. Contact us to learn more about the specific process for your request.

STEP 5:

Individual(s) Located If the individual is located, there are many options for determining mutual interest in initial and ongoing communication. Bethany Christian Services can provide support and guidance through this process.

STEP 6:

Conclusion of Search and Reunion ProcessThis occurs when the individual feels comfortable with the status of the search and reunion process and no longer requires Bethany’s services. This may also occur if all efforts to make a connection have been unsuccessful. If an individual would like to search again in the future or request additional services, Bethany will be available.

Source: www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/infoaccessap.pdf

6

Frequently Asked Questions

Is my search confidential?You have the right to determine who is involved in your decision to search for a birth relative. While some individuals may wait to share with others about their search and reunion, total secrecy is not advisable. Having a support system to walk with you during this process is encouraged.

How do I learn more about the process to find my birth relative and what information I can access?Know the law: The first area to consider is the laws and procedures established by state or country governments about access to adoption records. For individuals born in the United States, the search process is determined by the state where the adoption was finalized. Individual states have specific requirements about who can request information, the age an individual must be in order to make a request, and the process for receiving information. For individuals born outside of the U.S., the birth country’s established process for search will be used. Contact the adoption agency or vital records department in the state where the adoption was finalized.

The state or country may use the following methods to release identifying information:

• Original Birth Certificate: Some states will provide an adult adoptee with an original birth certificate that includes the birthmother and/or father’s name. Other states limit access based on when the adoption finalized or the reason for requesting the information. Be sure to stay informed of potential changes in the legislation regarding access to identifying information.

• Mutual Consent: Some states require mutual consent to be on record before a match can be made. This process may involve use of a passive registry that is maintained by the state, the adoption agency, or a third-party organization.

• Confidential Intermediary: In some situations, a confidential intermediary can be used to obtain the consents required to release identifying information. An intermediary can conduct a search, confidentially contact birthfamily members, and release current medical history as well as identifying information upon receiving consent. Depending on state laws, some intermediaries are court appointed, while others may be identified staff within an adoption agency.

7

Frequently Asked Questionscontinued

What if I can’t get identifying information through those formal methods? It is important to keep in mind that the following methods may provide information but generally come without professional, experienced guidance in navigating the search process.

• Private Investigators and Search Angels: In situations where identifying information of the individual cannot be provided by the agency or an intermediary, individuals may seek services from private investigators. Another potential resource is a search angel, a volunteer who generally provides guidance with navigating various avenues of research such as databases, yearbooks, and other records.

• Social Media: Social media has become a popular avenue to search for birthfamily, but individuals should use caution and may want to seek guidance when communicating with a potential birth relative. Please refer to the article on social media on page 8 of this guide.

• DNA Testing: Now more accessible and affordable, the adoption community is increasingly using DNA testing to identify birth relatives. You may not find the individual you intended, but you could potentially connect with more distant relatives. Please review the resources on DNA testing listed on page 9 of this booklet.

What may affect the outcome of my search?There are many factors that can affect what happens when you search for information about a birth relative.

• Accurate Information: The likelihood of successfully obtaining sought-after information depends on the accuracy of the information available. An adoption record may have missing or incomplete information which would slow down the search process. In some cases, adoptees and birthparents share their updated contact information with their adoption agency or groups that help facilitate birth relative searches, which would help expedite the search process.

• Organization System: There are many procedural steps to complete to obtain birth relative information. Professionals with experience working in search and reunion will provide direction through the process and coordinate the logistics that need to be completed. Individuals who are searching for birth relatives often find it helpful to have their own system for tracking the completion of paperwork, recording fees they have paid, and maintaining a contact list of the professionals involved in their search.

• Obtained Consent: When mutual consent is required by state or country laws, having the other individual’s consent will allow the process to continue. If a contact denial is on file, the search process will discontinue. The process may also discontinue if a confidential intermediary does not receive communication back from the other birth relative or if the intermediary receives a response declining contact at this time.

8

Considerations When Using Social Media for Searching

Due to the complex nature of adoption, some professionals suggest that part of the preparation process should include thinking through the implications of contacting a birth relative before using these tools to connect. Considerations when using social media sites to search for and contact birth relatives include:

• Pacing of Contact: Research suggests that reunions are more likely to be successful in the long term when initial contact is made gradually (Affleck & Steed, 2001). The nature of communication through social media sites and online tools like instant messaging creates situations where contact proceeds very quickly and can evolve into an intense relationship before all parties are ready (Fursland, 2010).

• Making Contact: Instant conversations initiated through social media sites and other online tools can bring up issues that either party is not prepared to face right away (Fursland, 2010). Reuniting with birth relatives can bring new information that requires time to process before responding. Instant messaging does not allow time for well-thought-out responses. See Making Contact (www.americanadoptioncongress.org/pdf/making_contact.pdf) for guidance on what to say when reaching out for the first time.

• Privacy: Privacy can be a concern, particularly when using social media sites with ever-changing privacy policies. Do not assume that any communication on social networking sites is private. Comments made on someone’s Facebook page “wall” may be visible to their entire network—or yours— depending on privacy settings. Even with high privacy settings, communications can be forwarded to others and shared in other ways. Facebook profiles also appear in search results on Google and other search engines. There are many sources that address protecting privacy while online. See the articles included in the Resources section on the following pages for more information.

• Safety: As with any online activity, keep safety in mind. People are not always honest on the Internet. Be aware that sometimes people are not who they say they are.

• Posting Pictures: Photos of birth relatives can hold special significance to adopted people who may not have had a previous connection with a relative who looks like them. Before posting photos on the Internet, educate yourself about geotagging. Some photos taken with smartphones may be embedded with a geotag that reveals the latitude and longitude of the location where the photo was taken. This geotag can be accessible to the public when the photo is posted online. More information about geotagging and the steps to disable this feature on smartphones is available in About Geotagging: http://icanstalku.com/how.php#geotagging.

Source: www.cildwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.pdf

9

Beginning a SearchTen Questions to Ask Yourself www.holtinternational.org/mcginnis.shtml

From Holt International. A list compiled by Hollee McGinnis, an adult Korean adoptee, for adoptees to consider and ask themselves before participating in search and/or reunion.

A Guide to Search and Reunion in Adoption (from the New Jersey Adoption Resource Clearing House)njarch.org/wpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/A-Guide-to-Search-and-Reunion-in-Adoption-Final-rev-8-30-16.pdf

This packet gives information on search and reunion, including issues associated with search and reunion, issues associated with relationship building, international searches, support groups, and related conferences, as well as a recommended reading list for search and reunion.

Access to Adoption Recordswww.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/infoaccessap/

From the Child Welfare Information Gateway. A packet of helpful information on the decision to search, steps in the search process, hiring a professional searcher, international searching, social media and searching, reunion issues, and additional resources.

DNA Testing for Adopteeswww.thespruce.com/dna-testing-for-adoptees-4126038 www.thespruce.com/dna-testing-for-adoptees-4126038

This site compares companies that do DNA testing and provides information about costs.

State & Country ResourcesAccess to Adoption Records: Summary of State Laws www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/state/

From The Child Welfare Information Gateway. A summary of each state’s laws regarding the release of records from adoption files.

American Adoption Congress: State Adoption Legislationwww.americanadoptioncongress.org/state.php

Provides an overview of birth certificate access for adopted adults in all states.

National Foster Care & Adoption Directory Searchwww.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/index.cfm?event=viewSearchForm

A user-friendly, searchable site that can help you find contact information in the state that pertains to you for the agency that handled your adoption.

Adult International & Transracial Adoptees: Personal Stories, Experiences & Articles www.karensadoptionlinks.com/adoptee.html

Many helpful links that are broken down into categories and are country specific. All can be of use, but scroll down to “International Adoptee Search and Reunion Resources” for the most applicable links.

Additional Resources

9

10

Please note that fees for these services may apply. Contact your local branch for more information.

Beginning a ReunionReunited: 19 Stories of Search and Reunionhttps://adoption.com/reunion-ebook-download

Nineteen remarkable people share their own experiences of search and reunion, explaining the process and experience of finding birthfamily members after years—often decades—of separation.

Search and Reunion Forums https://adoption.com/forums/42/ search-and-reunion/

Connect and participate in discussions with others who are interested in search and reunion.

What Now? Coping with Search, Contact, Reunion and After… www.isrr.org/PDFs/Booklets/ What%20Now%20Booklet.pdf

This packet looks at deciding to search, how to make the first contact, participating in a reunion, and establishing relationships.

Additional ReadingAdoptee Reading Resource http://adopteereading.com/ books-about-search-andor-reunion/

Links to books written by adoptees themselves or recommended by adult adoptees. Many of the books also include links with reviews about the featured content written by adult adoptees.

Bethany’s Lifelines Magazine Search and Reunion Issuehttp://html5.epaperflip.com/?docid=ba6c0297-fd45-4913-91f4-a627014cd180#page=1

Stories and articles from adoptees, birthparents, and professionals on experiences with search and reunion.

Additional Resources continued