SCRIPT

SCENE 1 BUSY BETHLEHEM

The Travellers, Roman Soldiers, Tour Guides and Street Sellers mill about in groups on the stage.After- each section of dialogue they continue to carry out an occupational mime to communicatethe hustle and bustle of busy Bethlehem. The Travellers could carry suitcases or backpacks. The TourGuides and Street Sellers could be holding items to sell, e.g. Bethlehem Guide Books / trays of bread.

NARRATOR 1 Bethlehem was getting busier by the day. The Emperor, Caesar Augustus, hadordered a census and everyone was travelling to the town they were born in to becounted.

TRAVELLER!

TRAVELLER!

TRAVELLER 3

TRAVELLER 4

We made it!

What a journey!

I'm worn out!

My poor feet!

TRAVELLER 5 (Consulting fitness tracker device) I've completed ninety-nine thousand, sixhundred and seventy-eight steps since Tuesday!

The Roman Soldiers address the Travellers.

SOLDIER 1 Right you lot, form an orderly queue.

SOLDIER 2 No pushing in!

SOLDIER 3 (To one of the Travellers) What's your name and where are you from?

SOLDIER 4 Chop, chop. We haven't got all day!

The Roman Soldiers mime getting the Travellers organized into lines while the Street Sellers and TourGuides enter.

STREET SELLER 1 Get your Bethlehem snacks and souvenirs here!

TOUR GUIDE 1 Tours of Bethlehem start at 12 noon. Book to avoid disappointment!

TRAVELLER 6 It's too busy!

TRAVELLER? People everywhere!

TRAVELLER 8 Crowded streets.

TRAVELLER 9

TRAVELLER 10

Queues for miles.

Total chaos!

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NARRATOR^ ^ As you can see, the town was jam-packed!

NARRATOR® 3 Everyone was looking for a place to stay and the inns were filling up fast.

Enter Posh Innkeeper's (POSH INN.). They could be wearing billboards acjvertising their particular inn,e.g. 'Bethlehem Grand'/ 'Caesar's Palace'/ 'Bethlehem Plaza' etc.

POSH INN. 1 Naturally, our five-star inn is already fully booked.

POSH INN. 2 We were full up weeks ago! Do you know that people travel for miles to sampleour.delicious food?

POSH INN. 3 No room here! Everybody wants to sleep in our beds. They're the mostcomfortable in town!

NARRATOR^ ^-{- Even the little inn at the end of a Bethlehem street was busy.

Enter Mr and Mrs Innkeeper and Grumpy Guests (GRUMPY G.).

MRS INNKEEPER '"(Shaking her head) Oh, I'm rushed off my feet! That Caesar Augustus has a lot toanswer for, you know. I'd like to give him a piece of my mind!

MR INNKEEPER Well, we shouldn't complain. It's a long time since we were this busy!

MRS INNKEEPER Well, I shall be glad when it's all over. All I've heard this week is grumble aftergrumble.

GRUMPY G. 1

GRUMPY G. 2

GRUMPY G. 3

GRUMPY G. 4

My window won't shut.

There's a spider in my bath!

It's too noisy.

It's too crowded.

GRUMPY G. 5 (With a superior air) Oh, how very disappointing. I was rather hoping thisestablishment would offer spa facilities!

MRS INNKEEPER (Increasingly flustered) Spa facilities? What do they think this place is, theBethlehem Plaza?

The Travellers and Grumpy Guests join together to sing the following song. There is an option forso/o lines for two of the Grumpy Guests, which are sung to Mr and Mrs Innkeeper.

glSONG 1.S

%WE'RE GOING HOME! ^"y |€D TRACK 1/9

The Travellers, Grumpy Guests and Innkeepers exit in a huff.

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SCENE 2 THE INN-SPECTORS ARRIVE

The narrators and Roman Soldiers remain on the stage. The soldiers patrol up and down or stand 'onguard'. The Inn-spectors enter from a central aisle if possible. Their movements are rhythmic and inunison. They form a very neat line and stand with their clipboards at the ready.

NARRATOR ® 5 As you can see. Bethlehem was attracting all sorts of visitors.

INN-SPECTOR1 At last we have arrived in Bethlehem!

SOLDIER 1 (Noticing the Inn-spectors) That's the most orderly queue I've seen all day.

SOLDIER 2 Impressive! . .

SOLDIER 3 Can we help you?

INN-SPECTOR 2 Perhaps we should introduce ourselves.

INN-SPECTORS (In unison) We are the Inn-spectors..A-'.,

There are audible gasps.

VOICE OFFSTAGE The teachers have just fainted!

INN-SPECTOR 4 Don't worry. We're not Ofsted Inspectors. We are the INN-spectors. We inspect inns.

INN-SPECTOR 5 Yes, and once we heard that Emperor Augustus had called a census in Bethlehem,we knew we had to visit.

INN-SPECTOR 3

INN-SPECTOR 6

INN-SPECTOR1

INN-SPECTOR2

INN-SPECTOR3

INN-SPECTOR4

INN-SPECTOR 5

INN-SPECTOR6

SOLDIER 1

INN-SPECTORS

(Jeffrey, the boring one. He clears his throat) I must say, I think I have a lot incommon with the Emperor Augustus. We are both very organized and love a goodlist. You just can't beat a bit of box-ticking. It's so satisfying.

(Rolling his/her eyesj Jeffrey, let's stick to the point, shall we?

With so many visitors staying in Bethlehem, we believe this is the perfectopportunity to find out if the inns in this town are up to scratch!

We are here to carry out INN-spections!

We must get to work immediately.

We will be thorough.

We will be rigorous.

We cannot let standards slip!

So, what exactly are you looking for?

Everything has to be perfect!

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SONG2.

SOLDIER 2

SOLDIER 3

SOLDIER 4

|VERYTHINGHAS|TO1BE:PERFEGT^

That's what I like to hear!

Keep everyone on their toes I say!

We'll let you know if we hear of any innkeepers flouting the rules.

INN-SPECTOR2 That would be very useful indeed. Now, which inn shall we visit first?

INN-SPECTOR 3 (Consulting clipboard) First stop is the Bethlehem Plaza. The reviews are excellentand I've heard they do a lovely lunch.

INN-SPECTOR 4 Off we go!

The Inn-spectors exit in neat, tidy lines. The Roman Soldier's exit, marching almost as neatly in theopposite direction.

SCENE 3 NAZARETH

Enter Mary and Joseph.

NARRATOR 1 At that time there were some very special people who were also travelling toBethlehem to take part in the census. Their names were Mary and Joseph and theylived in Nazareth.

NARRATOR 2 Mary was expecting a baby very soon. Some months before, an angel had toldMary she would give birth to the Son of God. He would be a new King and shewould call Him Jesus.

NARRATORd^ As you can imagine, Mary was very surprised when she heard the news.

Enter Gabriel and the Angel'chorus.

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All exit the stage.

SCENE 4 THE JOURNEY TO BETHLEHEM

Ente'r Mary, Joseph and the Donkey. They walk slowly across the stage.

NARRATOR 2 Mary and Joseph had to travel all the way to Bethlehem on a donkey.

MARY My baby is going to be bom any day.

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DONKEY

JOSEPH

DONKEY

(Moaning) Are we nearly there yet?

Not far now.

(Moaning even more) hlumph! My job description didn't say anything about long-distance travel.

Enter Posh Innkeepers.

NARRATOR^ 4' Eventually they reached Bethlehem. They searched and searched for somewhereto stay, but the answer was always the same.

Joseph mimes knocking on the door of each inn. Each time Mary, Joseph and the Donkey are turnedaway. Each time the Donkey sighs and looks suitably disgruntled

POSH INN. 1

POSH INN. 2

POSH INN. 3

Sorry, no room!

Sorry, no room! "

Sorry, no room!

Exit Posh Innkeepers.

NARRATOR ^5 Finally, they reached the little inn at the end of a Bethlehem street.

Joseph mimes knocking at the door at one side of the stage. Mr Innkeeper is centre stage. To theother side of the inn is the stable scene with crib and chair. Enter Mrs Innkeeper.

MRS INNKEEPER (To Mr Innkeeper) You'll have to answer that, I'm far too busy. I've got beds tomake, floors to sweep and, would you believe, the guest in Room 5 has just askedfor room service?

She exits in a huff. Mr Innkeeper answers the door.

JOSEPH Have you got a room for the night? My wife is going to have a baby very soon.

MR INNKEEPER I'm very sorry, but all my rooms are full.

Mary and Joseph look sad. The Donkey groans.

NARRATOR 1 The innkeeper felt so sorry for Mary and Joseph. Suddenly he had an idea.

Mr Innkeeper leads Mary, Joseph and the Donkey towards the stable.

MR INNKEEPER Come with me. My inn may be full, but you are welcome to stay in my stable.

DONKEY (Dramatically) Thank goodness for that! My hooves are absolutely killing me!

Mary takes a seat by the crib. Joseph and the Donkey stand next to her.

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NARRATOR 2 And it was in that stable that Mary gave birth to Jesus, God's son, the King of theworld. Mary wrapped Jesus in a blanket and laid Him in a manger.

MR INNKEEPER Who would have thought a King would be bom in my little stable?

NARRATOR I ^ And as they all looked in wonder at Jesus, the newborn King, they all felt verypeaceful and calm.

NARRATOR 11^- Even the donkey looked happy.

Exit Mr Innkeeper.

SCENE 5 OUTSIDE THE INN

7~h;s action takes place in front of the inn and stable scene, which can remain set. The Inn-spectorsenter. They are consulting their clipboards. The Roman Soldiers are patrolling outside the inn andstable.

NARRATOR ^5 1^ was getting late and the Inn-spectors were still hard at work.

INN-SPECTOR 5 Well, the Lobster Thermidor at the Bethlehem Plaza was divine!

INN-SPECTOR 6 Not to mention the hot tub at the Bethlehem Grand. Perfect!

INN-SPECTOR 2 It's good to know that standards remain high in Bethlehem.

SOLDIER 1 (Pointing to the little inn) You obviously haven't visited this inn, then!

INN-SPECTOR 3 It's the last one on our list.

INN-SPECTOR 4 Hmm, it's not exactly got the wow factor!

SOLDIER 2 There have been some strange goings-on there, I can tell you!

SOLDIER 3 I'm sure I heard voices conning from their stable this evening.

SOLDIER 4 Squeezing in extra guests, I expect!

The Inn-spectors look shocked.

INN-SPECTOR 5 You cannot keep guests in a stable!

INN-SPECTOR 6 It's against regulations!

INN-SPECTOR 1 It will not do.

INN-SPECTORS It will not do at all!

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Mr Innkeeper leads the Inn-spectors and Mrs Innkeeper to the stable. The Inn-spectors look cross, mutterand begin to make notes on their clipboards.

INN-SPECTOR 2 Mr Innkeeper, you cannot, I repeat, cannot keep a baby in a stable!

MR INNKEEPER (Proudly gesturing towards the crib) Oh, but He isn't just any baby. He's the Son ofGod. He's a king!

MRS INNKEEPER I beg your pardon? (To the Inn-spectors) I really don't know what's got into myhusband!

INN-SPECTOR 4 Is this some kind of joke?

INN-SPECTOR 5 It will not do.

INN-SPECTORS It will not do at all!

The Donkey casually strolls over to the Inn-spectors.

DONKEY (To the Inn-spectors) Hey, why the glum faces? You guys sound like you have theblues.

INN-SPECTOR 6 Did that donkey just talk? (He/she wipes brow) Perhaps I am conning down withsomething.

DONKEY Moan, moan, moan. Groan, groan, groan.I used to be just like you - alwaysgrumbling, always complaining, until I met this little fellow. (He points to Jesusproudly) I am the one who carried this King all the way from Nazareth toBethlehem. Ooh, I could do with a hoof spa right now, I can tell you.

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The Inn-spectors inspect the crib.

INN-SPECTOR 4 So, are you really saying this baby is a king, the Son of God?

DONKEY He sure is!

The Inn-spectors look impressed and write notes on their clipboards.

INN-SPECTOR 5 This is all quite amazing, but why would the Son of God come here? Just look atthis place. It's just so...

DONKEY Smelly?

INN.-SPECTOR 5 Well, yes. It's hardly suitable for a king!

JOSEPH There was nowhere else for us to go. All the other innkeepers turned us away.

MARY That's why we're so grateful to the innkeeper for letting us stay.

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INN-SPECTOR 5 Well, in that case, I think you are the kindest innkeeper we've ever met.

INN-SPECTOR 6 Ten out of ten for hospitality!

They continue to write notes on their clipboards and then mime a large tick.

MRS INNKEEPER (Proudly) Of course, I've taught him everything he knows.

INN-SPECTOR 1 (Looking at the crib) You know, I'm not normally a baby person, but I have to saythat Jesus is adorable. He is obviously a very special baby.

The Inn-spectors coo over the baby and nod happily in agreement. Enter the flock of sheep withplenty of noisy baaing to disturb the peaceful scene.

INN-SPECTOR 2 Sheep? Surely not.

INN-SPECTOR 3 (Shocked) It's a health and safety nightmare!

Enter Shepherds ? &2 out of breath, waving their hands or crooks. The Inn-spectors look flustered.

SHEPHERDS Wait for us and stop that noise!

The sheep baa even more loudly, ignoring the shepherds.

SHEPHERD 1 (Sleepily) Oh dear, why don't they ever listen to us?

INN-SPECTOR 4 (To the shepherds) Look, it's no good waving your arms about and hoping for thebest. Sheep need boundaries. You need to show them who's boss.

Inn-spector 4 looks over his/her spectacles, claps hands rhythmically (teacher-style) and the sheepinstantly stop baaing and sit up obediently in neat rows.

SHEPHERDS Wow!

INN-SPECTOR 5 Right, that's much better. Perhaps you might explain why you are here.

SHEEP 1 Well, we thought this was going to be another boring night.

ALL SHEEP (Bored) Baaaaaaa!

SHEEP 2 But it's turned out to be the most exciting night of our lives!

ALL SHEEP (Excited and noisy) Baaaaaaa!

Angel Gabriel and the Angel Chorus join in with the following song and any additional sheep andshepherds.

SONG 5.

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ALL SHEEP Baaaaaaa!

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Any angels who have come on for the song exit the stage along with any extra sheep or shepherds.Shepherds 1 & 2 an^ Sheep 1 & 2 remain on the stage.

INN-SPECTOR 6 But tell me, are sheep really the most suitable visitors for Jesus, the King of theworld?

SHEPHERD 1 Yes, of course. Everyone is welcome to worship Jesus.

SHEPHERD 2 Jesus loves everyone, no matter who they are.

INN-SPECTOR 3 Really? (He pauses) Does hHe even love inn-spectors?

SHEPHERD 2 Yes, h)e even loves inn-spectors!

Shepherds 1 & 2, Sheep 1 & 2 and Gabriel join Mary, Joseph and the Donkey in the nativity tableau.

INN-SPECTOR1 Mr Innkeeper, we need to get this stable of yours on the map. We need to telleveryone that Jesus, the King of the world, has been born here.

NARRATOR 1 Suddenly, the most wonderful star shone above the stable. It was the mostdazzling star in the sky.

INN-SPECTOR 2 (Pointing outside the stable) Look at that amazing star!

NARRATOR 2 They all ran outside to see.

The Inn-spectors and Mr and Mrs Innkeeper exit the stable.

SCENE 7 OUTSIDE THE STABLE

The Inn-spectors and Mr and Mrs Innkeeper watch in amazement! Enter the Star of Bethlehem andher backing group, The Twinkles.

TWINKLE 1 Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be dazzled.

TWINKLE 2 Prepare to be amazed!

TWINKLE 3 It's the star everyone is talking about.

TWINKLE 4 It's the Star of Bethlehem!

STAR I will shine my light to tell everyone that Jesus, the new King has been bom.

There is huge applause from the Inn-spectors and Mr and Mrs Innkeeper. The Star acts in a diva-likeway, blowing kisses to the audience.

MRS INNKEEPER I bet you don't get this at the Bethlehem Plaza!

The next song is sung by the Star. her backing group The Twinkles and other characters from theplay, but not the Inn-spectors. The Inn-spectors look on, clearly enjoying themselves, perhaps twirlingtheir ties and performing a stylized routine with their clipboards, or they could dance with theInnkeeper's wife etc. Inn-spector 3 (Jeffrey) in particular really lets himself go!

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INN-SPECTORS Bravo! More!

INN-SPECTOR 4 I don't know what came over me. Th'at was wonderful. ••

INN-SPECTOR 5 I feel so happy and alive!

INN-SPECTOR 6 (To Inn-spector 3) And Jeffrey, such groovy moves!

INN-SPECTOR 3 Well, I am partial to a bit of Strictly, I must admit.

MRS INNKEEPER Of course, I always knew our inn had star quality!

MR INNKEEPER, Well, the Star of Bethlehem is shining very brightly. The news of Jesus' birth is sureto spread fast.

The Inn-spectors and Mr and Mrs Innkeeper return to the stable scene.

STAR (Dramatically to the audience) There are three very wise men from the East whowish to meet Jesus. I must shine my wonderful light to guide them here.

The Star takes a prominent position, perhaps on a raised staging block.

SCENE 8 FOLLOWING THE STAR

Enter the Three Wise Men with their telescopes. They are accompanied by camels (optional). The Starcalls out her satnav-style commands from her prominent position. The Wise Men can speak theirlines in the central aisle or to one side of the stage.

STAR At the end of the road, turn left.

WISE MAN 1 (To the Star) Now, are you absolutely sure about that? I've had many years'experience in navigation and I could have sworn Bethlehem was this way. (Hepoints in the opposite direction)

WISE MAN 2 (To Wise Man 1) The last time we followed your directions we ended up in Herod'spalace.

WISE MAN 3 We're not going there again!

STAR (Crossly, with hands on hips) At the end of the road, turn left.

WISE MAN 1 (Sighing) Very well. Left it is.

The Star looks pleased with herself.

WISE MAN 2 This star will lead us to the new King, the Saviour of the world.

WISE MAN 3 Such a clever star!

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The Star beams and bows etc.

WISE MAN 2 And we should know. After all, we are very wise.

ALL WISE MEN Very, very, very wise.

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At the end of the song the Wise Men stand in front of the stable.

STAR You have reached your destination.

WISE MAN 1 A stable? I was rather expecting a palace!

WISE MAN 2 If the new King is here, then this stable is better than a palace.

NARRATOR®'4) The three wise men went inside the stable where they found Jesus, the newborn

WISE MAN 3

King in the manger.

Look, He is here. We have found Him!

INN-SPECTOR 4 (To other Inn-spectors) Look at these visitors. They look very important indeed.

WISE MAN 1 We have come to worship the new baby King, the Son of God.

WISE MAN 2 We have been told this child will bring peace to everyone.

WISE MAN 3 He is God's gift of love to the world.

INN-SPECTOR 3 (Making notes) They certainly know their stuff!

NARRATOR ( '-(- The three wise men presented their precious gifts to Jesus.

WISE MAN 1 Gold

WISE MAN 2 Frankincense.

WISE MAN 3 Myrrh.

The Inn-spectors look at each other. They are very Impressed.

INN-SPECTORS Wow!

The nativity scene is now complete. Mary Joseph, Jesus, Angel Gabriel, the Donkey, Shepherds 1 &2, Sheep 1 & 2, the Three Wise Men, the Star and Mr and Mrs Innkeeper are all assembled in thenativity tableau.

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NARRATOR f ^ As everyone gathered in the stable to worship Jesus, the Inn-spectors felt so proudthat they, too, had met such a special baby.

The Inn-spectors complete one final inspection of the scene.

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INN-SPECTOR 1 What a perfect sight! What a wonderful night!

INN-SPECTOR 2 Jesus Christ, King of the world has been born in this stable!

INN-SPECTOR 3 Who would have thought that something so amazing would happen here?

INN-SPECTOR 4 The story of Jesus' birth must be kept alive forever.

INN-SPECTOR 5 Everybody needs to hear about it!

INN-SPECTOR 6 It's something to celebrate!

The Inn-spectors all agree happily.

MR INNKEEPER. So, does this mean the inspection is over?

INN-SPECTOR 1 I think it is safe to say that our inspection is complete.

The Inn-spectors hold their clipboards up in unison.

INN-SPECTOR 2 We have made our decision.

INN-SPECTOR 3 It gives us great pleasure to announce that this stable is...

INN-SPECTORS Fit for a King!

The Inn-spectors all mime a large tick in unison.

ALL Hooray!

The whole cast assembles for the final song.

SONGS. FIT FORA KING!

THE END

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