screamology 101 first three scenes
DESCRIPTION
First three scenes for the upcoming FanFic!TRANSCRIPT
SCREAMOLOGY 101
By
thorney33
Characters by Dan Harmon; concept by Kevin Williamson and
Wes Craven.
SCENE ONE: GIRLS’ NIGHT
INT. SHIRLEY’S HOUSE - NIGHT
The episode begins in Shirley’s living room. ANNIE EDISON
(Alison Brie), BRITTA PERRY (Gillian Jacobs) and SHIRLEY
BENNETT (Yvette Brown) are sitting in the lounge room,
drinking and eating finger food. It is night time outside,
and the TV is on with a blank blue screen.
SHIRLEY
I have to say, it’s nice to get
away from the boys for a night and
have some fun with my favourite
girls.
ANNIE
Awww!
BRITTA
It’s not ’nice’, Shirley; it’s
liberating. Here, we can act
however we want without fear of
being judged based on our gender.
ANNIE
(wide-eyed)
Really? Do we still get popcorn?
BRITTA
Am I the kind of person who would
deny hungry movie-goers popcorn?
Annie and Shirley stare at each other. Britta, bemused,
pulls out some packets from her handbag.
BRITTA
Am I really that much of a killjoy?
ANNIE
(changing the subject)
So what are we watching, Britta?
SHIRLEY
Oh, please say it’s something
romantic. With Andre and the boys
out of town I might actually get to
watch something I want to for once.
BRITTA
Romance? Pfft. You mean something
that shows us how men are the
centre of the universe and our
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
BRITTA (cont’d)
lives? No thank-you! Tonight is
about getting away from that crap.
SHIRLEY
Something funny?
BRITTA
You mean something demeaning and
bigoted? No thanks!
SHIRLEY
Something racy, and sassy?
BRITTA
You mean sexualising? Please.
ANNIE
(sarcastically)
What does that leave, then? A
documentary on lesbians with well
payed jobs and no boobs?
BRITTA
(evilly)
Something scary.
Britta grins and takes a movie out of her handbag; it is the
original Scream.
SHIRLEY
Oh, no, no, no. I do not do scary
movies, Britta.
BRITTA
Come on, Shirley...it’s Halloween
in a few days!
SHIRLEY
And it’s going to be Christmas in a
few months; you gonna start going
to Church, atheist?
ANNIE
Shirley, calm down! It’s just a
movie.
SHIRLEY
Nuh-nuh, I’m outta here.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
BRITTA
But it’s your house!
ANNIE
Please? Just give it a chance; this
is supposed to be a girls night,
remember?
Shirley looks at Annie, who appears just as scared as she
does, and sighs.
SHIRLEY
Fine. Can’t say no to those puppy
dog eyes.
ANNIE
Now that’s liberating!
SHIRLEY
But hear this, Britta. If this
movie keeps me up all damn night
then I’m coming after you, you hear
me?
BRITTA
Got it.
Britta puts the movie in and the movie begins with Casey
Becker picking up the phone.
[CASEY]
Hello?
[GHOSTFACE]
Hello.
[CASEY]
Yes?
[GHOSTFACE]
Who is this?
SHIRLEY
Star 69 his ass, girl!
ANNIE
Shh!
[CASEY]
Who are you trying to reach?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
[GHOSTFACE]
What number is this?
SHIRLEY
It’s the number you dialled,
jackass.
BRITTA
Shirley!
[CASEY]
Well, what number are you trying to
reach?
[GHOSTFACE]
I don’t know.
[CASEY]
Well, I think you have the wrong
number.
[GHOSTFACE]
Do I?
[CASEY]
It happens. Take it easy.
SHIRLEY
I’d take you easy.
ANNIE
Shirley, oh my God! Can we just
watch the movie?
SHIRLEY
What is that supposed to mean?
Britta leans across and pauses the movie.
BRITTA
No offence, but sometimes some
stereotypes hold true, you know?
SHIRLEY
Oh, you better not be calling me a
stereotype, blondie!
BRITTA
Blondie? Um, last time I checked, I
was almost getting a C in Psych
101.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
ANNIE
She didn’t mean it, Shirley...can
we just watch the movie.
Shirley gets up and ejects the movie.
SHIRLEY
You come into my home, put on this
god awful movie, and then you
insult me? Maybe if you were
Denzel, but Britta? No way!
BRITTA
You’re kicking us out?
Shirley walks to the door and opens it, indicating for the
girls to leave.
SHIRLEY
In a way, you are kicking yourself
out.
ANNIE
But...
SHIRLEY
No buts! If I wanted to spend my
night trying to keep my eyes closed
while wedged between two other
people I’d be...Britta!
Britta gasps and grabs her bag, exiting quickly. Annie
stands up and follows her.
ANNIE
That was harsh.
SHIRLEY
(firmly)
Goodnight, Annie.
Annie leaves, and Shirley closes the door. Sighing, she
makes her way to the kitchen; where she has a pie in the
oven.
SHIRLEY
At least you’re nice.
Shirley’s phone rings from the living room, and she exits to
answer it. A shadow passes by the kitchen window.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
SHIRLEY
(high pitched)
Hello!
GHOSTFACE
Hello.
SHIRLEY
Yes?
GHOSTFACE
Who is this?
SHIRLEY
Well, who are you trying to reach?
GHOSTFACE
What number is this?
SHIRLEY
What number are you trying to
reach?
GHOSTFACE
I don’t know.
SHIRLEY
I think you have the wrong number.
GHOSTFACE
Do I?
SHIRLEY
It happens.
Shirley hangs up, as she walks away the phone rings again.
SHIRLEY
Hello?
GHOSTFACE
Why don’t you want to talk to me?
SHIRLEY
I haven’t even caught your name
yet.
GHOSTFACE
You tell me your name, I’ll tell
you mine.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
SHIRLEY
I don’t hand my name out, sweetie.
Not over the phone, not on dating
sites.
Shirley opens the oven to take out her pie.
GHOSTFACE
What’s that noise?
SHIRLEY
Just taking out my pie.
GHOSTFACE
Oh, you bake?
SHIRLEY
Oh...every now and then.
GHOSTFACE
I bet you’re real good at it.
SHIRLEY
Oh...I don’t know about that.
GHOSTFACE
I can tell...your raspberry pie
smells delicious.
Shirley puts her pie down on the bench, and steps back.
SHIRLEY
(shocked)
What did you just say?
GHOSTFACE
Your pies must be delicious.
SHIRLEY
That’s not what you said.
GHOSTFACE
Tell me, Shirley...do you like
scary movies?
SHIRLEY
This isn’t funny, Britta.
GHOSTFACE
This isn’t Britta.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
SHIRLEY
Prove it.
GHOSTFACE
Britta went home ten minutes
ago...I’m still here.
Shirley gasps, and walks back into the living room. She
begins to lock the doors and windows.
GHOSTFACE
What’s wrong, Shirley? You look
scared.
SHIRLEY
What are you doing? Leave me
alone...or else!
GHOSTFACE
Or else what?
SHIRLEY
Or else my husband will be back,
and he’s big and he’s black and
he’ll kick your ass!
GHOSTFACE
Andre’s away, Shirley...you can’t
fool me...
SHIRLEY
What do you want from me?
GHOSTFACE
I want to play a game...
SHIRLEY
What kind of game?
GHOSTFACE
Turn on the patio lights.
Shirley gulps and walks towards the side of her house; we
see the kitchen counter is now empty. Shirley flicks a
switch and looks outside; her pie is tied to a chair.
SHIRLEY
Oh...my pie!
Shirley heads to exit the house.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
GHOSTFACE
I wouldn’t do that if I were you!
SHIRLEY
I swear, if you touch that pie...
GHOSTFACE
I won’t! All you have to do is
answer a few simple questions.
SHIRLEY
Questions about what?
GHOSTFACE
Movie trivia.
SHIRLEY
Oh...about my stories?
GHOSTFACE
About horror movies.
SHIRLEY
I can’t...
GHOSTFACE
You have no choice!
SHIRLEY
I trust that the Lord will watch
over my pie...how is that for
choice?
GHOSTFACE
Choices have consequences, Shirley.
A figure runs past the pie outside, and Shirley spins
around. A large slice has been taken from the pie, and the
figure is nowhere to be seen.
SHIRLEY
No!
GHOSTFACE
Are you more willing now?
SHIRLEY
Fine...ask your damn question.
GHOSTFACE
What was Jeff Winger wearing at the
Halloween party nobody remembers
two years ago?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
SHIRLEY
Jeff Winger?
GHOSTFACE
Answer the question...
SHIRLEY
Um...uh...he went as David Beckham!
GHOSTFACE
Very good, Shirley...no more warm
ups! Time for the real question.
SHIRLEY
No! You said...
GHOSTFACE
And the real question is...what did
Jeff Winger wear to Annie Edison’s
Mexican Halloween party in the
first year of College?
SHIRLEY
Again with Jeff?
GHOSTFACE
Tick tock.
SHIRLEY
Give me a second!
GHOSTFACE
You can tell that to your precious
pie when it’s all gone...
SHIRLEY
I remember! Jeff came to the party
dressed as a cowboy!
GHOSTFACE
I’m sorry! That’s the wrong answer!
SHIRLEY
No it’s not! No it’s not! He was a
cowboy!
GHOSTFACE
I’m afraid not! No way.
SHIRLEY
Listen, he was a cowboy...I looked
over his photos over twenty damn
times!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
GHOSTFACE
(menacing)
Then you should know Jeff Winger
entered the party without a
costume! He only put on the cowboy
outfit when he went to the faculty
party...I’m afraid that was a wrong
answer.
SHIRLEY
(beginning to get upset)
You tricked me...
GHOSTFACE
Lucky for you there’s a bonus
round...but your poor pie; I’m
afraid it’s out.
The figure runs across the patio again, and Shirley screams.
The pie has been totally hollowed out, with filling dripping
down the sides of the chair. Shirley drops to the floor in
shock.
GHOSTFACE
Hey...we’re not finished
yet...final question...are you
ready?
SHIRLEY
Please...please leave me alone...
GHOSTFACE
Answer the question and I will.
What door am I at?
SHIRLEY
What?
GHOSTFACE
There are two main doors to your
house...the front door and the
patio doors. Which one am I at?
SHIRLEY
Well...nobody is at the patio
door...so you must be...
The doorbell rings; Shirley yells and unlocks the patio door
and backs away into her backyard.
GHOSTFACE
...you should tell your friends to
lock the door...this is a terrible
neighbourhood.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
The sound of the front door opening can be heard. We see
Ghostface run into the house and duck around a corner out of
sight. The dial tone is heard on the phone, still in
Shirley’s hand.
SHIRLEY
Oh, Lord...please have mercy on
me...
Shirley, back to the house, begins to make her way silently
towards the side gate. Suddenly, the curtains fly open and
Ghostface is staring at her. She falls back, shocked, as
Ghostface makes his way towards the patio door. Shirley
begins to look for somewhere to hide.
CUT TO - EXT. SHIRLEY’S HOUSE - FRONT
A car pulls up opposite the house, and Britta and Annie get
out, and begin to make their way to the front.
CUT TO - EXT. SHIRLEY’S HOUSE - BACKYARD
Ghostface exits the house, and scans the backyard for
Shirley. She is nowhere to be seen. Grabbing the pie remains
and throwing them away in frustration, Ghostface is
distracted by the sound of Britta and Annie entering the
house. He runs to the side gate and flees the scene.
CUT TO - INT. SHIRLEY’S HOUSE
BRITTA
Leaving your door open in this day
and age? God knows who could have
walked in...rapist, murderer...God
forbid, the Dean!
ANNIE
Maybe she has an open door
policy...sounds like something
Shirley would do.
BRITTA
Hey...do you smell that?
ANNIE
It wasn’t even me!
BRITTA
Oh my God!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
Britta points at the open patio door, with the pie encrusted
chair sitting on the patio. The two run out of the door;
Britta looks up at the tree in the garden and screams.
Shirley has climbed the tree and is hanging on for dear
life.
BRITTA
Shirley, what the hell!
SHIRLEY
Catch me, Jesus!
Shirley screams as she falls, and lands face down on the pie
remains. The raspberries ooze out in a blood like fashion,
and she lays there in silence.
END SCENE.
14.
SCENE TWO: THE MORNING AFTER
EXT. GREENDALE LIBRARY - MORNING
JEFF WINGER (Joel McHale) is making his way towards the door
of the Library when an attractive young brunette COURTNEY
JACOBS (Emma Roberts) walks up to him holding a notepad.
COURTNEY
Oh, excuse me! Are you Jeff Winger?
JEFF
That depends on who’s asking...and
how old they are.
COURTNEY
I’m Courtney Jacobs, I work for the
local paper. Would you mind if I
ask a few questions about what
happened to your friend Shirley?
JEFF
Ah, this is awkward. I make a habit
out of avoiding local press.
COURTNEY
You don’t need to be shy, Jeff.
JEFF
Trust me kitten, I’m not. I just
would hate to see my name and
glorious face ever associated with
this place on paper forever.
COURTNEY
Don’t you think you owe the readers
the truth about what happened last
night?
JEFF
The truth? Here’s your headline -
Housewife falls out of tree;
innocent pie-stander killed.
Jeff begins to walk away.
COURTNEY
I just think there’s more to this
story!
JEFF
You want an exciting story? You’re
at the wrong place, trust me.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
Jeff enters the library, and Courtney walks away annoyed.
CUT TO - INT. STUDY ROOM
Jeff enters the study room and sits down. The group is
sitting in their regular places, with the notable absence of
Abed. PIERCE HAWTHORNE (Chevy Chase) and TROY BARNES (Donald
Glover) seem deep in discussion; while Britta and Annie sit
silently in thought. Everyone goes quiet as Jeff sits down.
JEFF
Geez...who died?
ANNIE
Jeff! Don’t say the ’d’ word.
JEFF
What the hell are you talking
about? She fell out of a
tree...it’s not like she was
murdered.
There is a collective gasp, and Jeff rolls his eyes.
ANNIE
You didn’t see her at the hospital,
Jeff.
BRITTA
She looked like death.
TROY
I know...it was like looking at
Pierce.
PIERCE
Hey!
JEFF
You’re all overreacting.
TROY
Oh, really? Shirley gets put up in
a tree by a guy in a white mask?
PIERCE
Huh. Sounds like fun.
TROY
Say what?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
JEFF
A white mask?
ANNIE
That’s what Shirley told us in the
hospital.
JEFF
Oh my God...do you know what it
means?
TROY
They’re back...
JEFF
It means it’s Halloween tomorrow,
and someone decided to play a trick
on Shirley. And, considering the
trick was ’Britta’d’, we all know
who did it.
Everybody looks at Britta.
BRITTA
I didn’t do it! I was with Annie
all night.
PIERCE
All night? Hmm.
BRITTA
Where were you last night, huh?
JEFF
Whoa! Why do we have to assume that
it was somebody in here?
From outside the study room, LEONARD (Richard Erdman) walks
past, smirking.
LEONARD
Because everything always revolves
around Jeff Winger!
JEFF
Shut-up, Leonard! I heard what
candy you are handing out this
year. Prostate medicine is not a
candy.
LEONARD
Busted.
Leonard walks away.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
JEFF
Speaking of medicine, where’s Abed?
ANNIE
Oh...we thought he might have been
with you.
TROY
(upset)
Oh my God...he got Abed too?
JEFF
Stop being so melodramatic, Troy.
I’m sure he’s...
Suddenly, Jeff’s phone rings. The group jumps back, Jeff
looks confused.
JEFF
I know I need a new ring tone, but
really?
ANNIE
Shirley said she got a phone call
before she was attacked.
JEFF
Shirley also says that God exists
and that all dogs go to heaven.
I’ll take my chances.
Jeff answers his phone. It is Abed.
ABED
Jeff? Don’t talk, listen. Meet me
at the fountain in ten minutes;
bring everyone.
JEFF
The fountain? Do we even have a
fountain?
ABED
Don’t be late. Good luck, Jeff.
Abed hangs up the phone. The group look at Jeff expectantly.
TROY
Well?
JEFF
Abed wants us to meet him at the
fountain in ten minutes.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
TROY
Did he sound OK?
JEFF
Maybe a little anxious?
Troy jumps up and runs out of the library.
TROY
Abed, I’m coming!
Jeff rolls his eyes.
JEFF
Shall we?
END SCENE.
19.
SCENE THREE: FOUNTAIN
EXT. GREENDALE COMMUNITY COLLEGE - FOUNTAIN
The group sits on the fountain outside Greendale. The PA
system cranks up with the voice of DEAN CRAIG PELTON (Jim
Rash) fires up.
(DEAN)
Remember, your Dean loves you. And
I want you to be safe...safe and
sound at this years Halloween
extravaganza! We’re only a day away
from the biggest campus party of
the year! And this years promises
to be the biggest one yet...so get
your costumes ready! You know I am!
ABED NADIR (Danny Pudi) walks up to the group, smiling.
ABED
Good. You’re here.
Abed sits down on the right hand side, remaining silent.
JEFF
Yes...we’re ’here’...which, by the
way, has appeared out of nowhere.
ABED
I heard what happened to Shirley.
BRITTA
Horrible, isn’t it.
ABED
Has Chang seen you yet?
ANNIE
Why would Chang want to see us? He
doesn’t want to be in the group
still, does he?
ABED
He just wanted to know if Jeff knew
how to hunt.
BRITTA
Hunt? Why would they ask you if you
liked to hunt?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
ABED
(leaning forward)
Because Shirley’s pie was gutted.
JEFF
Thank you, Abed.
BRITTA
I talked to the police last
night...they didn’t ask me if I
liked to hunt.
TROY
That’s because there’s no way a
girl could have done it.
BRITTA
Troy, that is so sexist. The
stalker could easily have been
female.
TROY
I dunno...fact is, Shirley’s pie
was completely hollowed out...takes
a hungry man to do something like
that.
BRITTA
Or a man’s brutality.
JEFF
Do you people ever listen to
yourselves? We’re talking about a
pie, not Shirley’s kids!
ANNIE
How do you...gut a pie?
Everybody goes quiet and look towards Annie.
TROY
You take a knife...slit it from
edge to edge...
JEFF
Pies are circular...they have one
edge, genius.
ANNIE
Hey Troy...didn’t you say you were
craving some pie yesterday?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.
TROY
Yeah, for like two seconds.
ABED
...before she dumped you for Steve?
JEFF
Abed...who is Steve? Explain
yourself. What is this?
ABED
Are the police aware you wanted her
pie?
TROY
Abed...what are you saying? That I
made her fall and hurt herself?
ABED
It would certainly improve your
high school Q.
BRITTA
Troy and I had some after class
yesterday.
TROY
(winking)
Yeah, we did.
ABED
Was that before or after he sliced
and diced?
ANNIE
Stop it, Abed...you’re giving me
the creeps.
TROY
Where were you last night, anyway?
I didn’t hear you come in...
ABED
Working, thank you.
JEFF
You work now too? Where!? Don’t
tell me you went back to your
father’s falafel stand...
ABED
The video store...now ask if they
fired me.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
JEFF
(rolling eyes)
Did they fire you, Abed?
ABED
Twice. Cue Troy claiming he didn’t
kill anybody in three...two...
TROY
Huh?! I didn’t!
ABED
Bingo.
JEFF
(sternly)
Nobody said you did, Troy.
TROY
Thanks, buddy!
ABED
(imitating Troy)
Besides...takes a hungry man to do
something like that.
TROY
Abed, you keep acting weird I’m
gonna gut you in a second.
ABED
(in a voice)
Did you really put her liver in the
mailbox because I heard they put
her liver in the mailbox, next to
her spleen and her...
BRITTA
Abed, I’m trying to eat here.
TROY
She’s getting mad, man...you’d
better liver alone.
Annie walks off, upset.
ABED
Liver alone...cool. Cool, cool,
cool.
TROY
I don’t get it...
CUT TO - INT. LIBRARY
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.
Annie walks along by herself, when Abed catches up to her.
ABED
Annie, wait!
ANNIE
What is it, Abed?
ABED
It’s about Shirley...I think I know
what’s going on.
ANNIE
What is it?
ABED
Not here.
Abed pulls Annie into the study room; he seems different,
more fidgety than normal.
ANNIE
Abed, what’s going on...you’re not
Han Solo again, are you?
ABED
Different context...I’m Randy.
Annie, in spite of herself, glances down at his crotch.
ANNIE
Well...that’s not any of my
concern...and I’m not that kind of
girl, anyway.
Annie heads to leave.
ABED
Sidney, wait!
Annie turns around, confused.
ANNIE
What did you just call me?
ABED
Shirley was attacked by
Ghostface...the killer from the
Scream franchise last night.
ANNIE
(gasping)
That’s the movie Britta wanted us
to watch!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
ABED
Girls watching horror movies near
Halloween...you were an attack
waiting to happen.
ANNIE
You do realise this isn’t a movie,
Abed? Shirley just...had an
accident. This isn’t Scream!
ABED
I’m not so sure...we have you, the
likable but unsure of herself
protagonist - Sidney Prescott. We
have me, the lovable movie geek -
Randy Meeks. We have the sassy
blonde Britta - Tatum Riley. The
dopey and jockish maybe boyfriend,
Troy - Stu Macher. And last but not
least, the creepy and stylish
boyfriend of Sidney Prescott, Billy
Loomis - Jeff Winger.
ANNIE
(blushing)
Abed, Jeff is not my boyfriend!
ABED
It’s just a label...but to the
audience, you might as well be.
ANNIE
Well, if this was a movie, would
you recommend the protagonist
walking around by herself to be a
clever move?
ABED
No; sounds like a death wish.
ANNIE
I...don’t...care.
Annie walks away from Abed, who shakes his head.
ABED
So it begins.
END SCENE.