Satchmo the Vegetarian Zombie by Jake Bailey This is the story of the Christmas zombie and how he came upon a group of children on Christmas day. They were sledding on a hillside on Patty Tucker's pastures where the horses run the hillsides in the early morning hours. Davey and Kerri grew up in the city and didn't get many chances to run around in wide open spaces. That's why Davey and Kerri's mother loved to come visit her sister in the country whenever possible. Davey and Kerri loved to run and play with their cousin Tommy, who was just a year older than them. Tommy grew up in the country and knew all of the fun places to go and do things that you just can't get in the city. On christmas morning, Tommy had been given a new toboggan; it was solid wood; it curved back on itself on the front end and had a string for the kids to hold onto. It was big enough to hold all of the children and even one more if they happened to have another friend. Tommy knew that just down the street, there was a monstrous hill on Patty Tucker's pastures. He knew that she led the horses down to the south pastures in the afternoon and the hill would be free for the kids to play on. So he took Kerri and Davey up there and they went sledding all morning after they had opened up their presents. With Tommy's help, they made jumps to go off of and made up tricks and stunts. With Kerri and Davey's help they made up stories, so that they could act and play while they were flying down the hill. They had been jumping off a hill that Tommy made trying to see if they could get the entire sled off the ground. They were walking their sled up the hill to have another go when they saw a man standing at the hilltop. "Who is that?" Kerri asked her brother Davey. "I don't know. Who is that Tommy?" Davey said. "Beats me. Patty is down in the stables," Tommy said. "Do you think we should go?" Davey asked. "I'm not afraid of nobody," Tommy said. "I'm not afraid either. Maybe its Patty's uncle or something. Maybe he doesn't want us here." "We should talk to him and find out," Kerri said. "I'll take care of this," Tommy said. He puffed up his coat and stood up straight and said, "Hey, who goes there?"

The man standing on the hill didn't respond, he just stuttered in his step as he moved toward the children. "I said Hey! Who goes there!" Tommy yelled as he cupped his hands to his mouth. "Maybe we should get going," Davey said. "My mom told me, we shouldn't talk to strangers. She would ground us if she found out." "Oh. Don't be a coward," Tommy said. Then he shouted "Hey!" again. "I'm going to get closer. He doesn't look right." "Maybe he's sick or something," Kerri said. Tommy started walking up the hill as dragged his sled behind him. Kerri followed behind him. "Hey wait Kerri!" Davey said. "Mom told us not to talk to strangers. I could tell on you." "I'll just tell her it was your idea! You know she'll believe me!" Kerri yelled back from up the hill as she stuck out her tongue. "Man," Davey said with a sigh. "She's always getting me in trouble." The three children walked up the hill toward the man at the top. He shuffled a few steps forward and then stopped to watch the children. They struggled up the hill, through the deep snow, wearing their oversized coats and clothing. The man's hair was damp and matted against his head. On this cold morning he looked rather grey and sickly. He was wearing ratty jeans, and a dirty T-shirt that was stained in mixture of mud, grass and something that looked like blood. He was also barefoot. Tommy and Kerri stopped running up the hill several feet away from him and Davey came running up behind them. Davey stopped and breathed in deep pants. Then he looked up at the man. "Hey, he looks really sick," Davey said in between breaths. "Hey mister!" Kerri yelled. "Don't ya know your supposed to wear shoes and not wear T-shirts in the winter! You'll get sick." "I think he's already sick," Tommy said. "Do you think we should help him?" Davey asked. "Hey mister! Do you need help?" Kerri asked. The man just stared at them and didn't respond. "Maybe he can't talk," Davey said. "Maybe he's not even human." "He looks human," Kerri said. "Well what else could he be?" Tommy asked.

"He could be a hippie," Davey said. "A hippie? What's that?" Tommy asked. "We've got them back in the city. My dad says hippies do nothing but protest and ask for money. They were tie-dye and they don't take showers. And they don't wear shoes neither," Davey said. "Boy he's a hippie alright," Tommy said. "Guys, I think we should help him," Kerri said. "How can we help him if he won't say nothin'." Davey said. "Hey, I've got an idea. Do you have any money?" "What do you need money for?" Davey asked. "Well if he's a hippie. Then he wants money right? Maybe we could use it to get him to talk and tell us what's wrong." "I don't know," Davey said. "If hippies want money, then maybe money could get him to talk to us," Tommy said. "I think your just trying to trick me out of the five bucks that my grandma gave me for Christmas." "Look I'm not trying to trick you." "Just give him the money Davey," Kerri said. "Well alright, but if I don't get it back I'll..." "You'll what?" Tommy said. "I'll tell on you!" Davey responded. Davey pulled the five dollars out of his pocket and handed it Tommy. Tommy took the money and held it in his outstretched arm as he walked toward the man. "Hey guy. Are you a hippie? I have some money if you'll tell us what's wrong," Tommy said as he slowly approached the man. "This is really weird Kerri. I don't like this. We should just go home," Davey said. "Stop being a wus," Kerri said. Tommy got closer and closer to man as he held out the money. "Hey mister. Hey mister. Can you just tell us what's wrong?" "I think he's delerous," Kerri said. "You mean delirious," Davey corrected. "That's what I said. Delerous." At this point, Tommy was standing directly in front of the man. He waved the bill back and forth in front of the man's face.

"Mr. Hippie... Mr. Hippie... I have money..." Tommy said in a sing-song voice. He waved the money back and forth. "Don't ya want it?" "Hey look!" Kerri yelled. The man slowly tipped his head downward and looked at Tommy. Tommy stopped waving the bill around and stared back at him. But the man's head just kept tipping forward, until he lost control of the muscles in his neck and his head dropped as his chin tucked against his neck. The man stared down at the snow. "We should go get help," Kerri said. "Yeah Tommy. Let's go," Davey said. "Hang on. Wait a second." Tommy took another step forward so that he was standing right next to the guy. Tommy crooned his neck to look the guy in the face. The man let out a very low moan from the back of his throat. "I think he's trying to say something," Tommy said. Tommy turned his head and pointed his ear upward at the man. The man let out another low moan. "What do you think he's trying to say?" Kerri asked. "I don't know. I can't make it out," Tommy said. The man started to slowly pick his head back up. Tommy looked up at him and then took a step back. "Something weird is happening. Look at his eye." As the man picked his head back up. His right eye began to bulge more and more until it popped right out of his head and dangled from a cord. Kerri shreiked. "Zombie!" Tommy yelled. "Run!" Davey yelled. They quickly turned around and ran back to Tommy's toboggan. They jumped on and flew down the hill faster than ever before. They crouched low as a fine mist of snow sprayed them in the face. Then they went off the jump Tommy made as the entire sled flew off of the ground. They didn't land quite right. The front of the sled dug into the snow and sent the children flying. They stood up quick and kept running dragging the sled behind them. At the bottom of the hill, there was a barbed wire fence. Davey ran for it with Tommy close behind him. Davey grabbed the wire between its barbs and pulled it down to help the other children over. He looked back at

Tommy and noticed that they had left Kerri at the top of the hill. She was standing right where they left her still staring at the zombie. "Kerri run! Run Kerri!" the boys yelled up the hill, but she didn't move. "We have to go back for her," Davey said. "She's your sister. You go back for her," Tommy said. "I'm going to tell everyone you're coward. And that my sister is braver than you." "Fine. Let's go," Tommy said. The boys left the sled at the bottom of the hill and hiked back up to the top. Kerri had walked a little closer to the zombie. "Kerri. Kerri! Come on let's go home," Davey said. "He's a zombie! He's going to eat your brains!" Tommy said. The boys hung back a couple of feet, unwilling to approach the zombie. "Come on Kerri. Lets go!" "He's not going to eat my brains," Kerri told the boys. "But he's a zombie. They eat brains!" Tommy said. "Who told you that?" Kerri asked. "I don't know. That's just the way it is. Zombies eat brains." Tommy said. "Not this zombie. You don't want to eat my brains, Mr. Zombie. Do you?" Kerri said. The zombie let out a moan that sounded a little like he was saying brains. "See Kerri," Davey said. "He wants to eat your brains!" The boys took a couple of steps down the hill." "Na uh. Not this zombie. He doesn't want to eat my brains," Kerri said. "Then what else would he eat?" Tommy said. "I think he's a vegetarian," Kerri said. "A vegetarian zombie? You're crazy! Zombies can't be vegetarian. They eat brains!" Tommy said. "My mom told me that monsters are imaginary and they don't have to be scary," Kerri said to Tommy. "Does he look imaginary to you? He's real! And he's going to eat your brains!" Tommy said.

"Well if he was going to eat my brains, then why hasn't he done it yet. Huh?" Kerri asked. "I don't know," Tommy said. "Come on Kerri. Maybe Tommy is right. We should go," Davey said. "Well if you guys want to go, then you can go, but I'm not ready to leave," Kerri said. "So Mr. Zombie, you're not a scary monster are you?" "Kerri this is stupid," Davey said. Kerri ignored her brother. "Are you hungry Mr. Zombie?" Kerri said. The zombie moaned. "He's hungry for brains," Tommy said. "Do you want to eat my brains?" Kerri said. The zombie was silent. "Or would you like some vegetables?" The zombie moaned when offered vegetables. "See, he's a nice zombie." "You won't be saying that when he eats your brains," Tommy said. "We should go get him some food. Maybe then he won't look so sick," Kerri said. "Do you mean we're going home?" Davey asked. "Yes, we're going to go home and get him something to eat," Kerri said. "Finally," Davey said. "Wait right here Mr. Zombie. We're going to go get you something to eat. We'll be right back," Kerri said. "I can't wait to get home so I can play Pokemon Black," Davey said. "Is that why you've been whining this whole time? Because you want to play that stupid video game that you got for Chirstmas?" Kerri said. "No," Davey said. "I think this game is more fun," Kerri said. "Yeah," Tommy said. Tommy jumped forward into the powdery snow and started to tumble down the hill. Kerri and Davey did the same. Together they rolled down the hill until they stood up dizzy at the bottom. Tommy then picked up his sled and they helped each other over the fence. The sled was so big that all three of them had to carry it home. But it was just a short walk.

When they walked in through the kitchen, Kerri and Davey's mom greeted the children, "Why hello there. Did you kids have fun sledding all morning?" "Boy it was great mom. Tommy's sled flies down that hill," Davey said. "Yeah and we met a zombie!" Kerri said. "Is that so?" their mother said. "Yeah but Kerri wouldn't listen to us. He was going to eat our brains!" "No he wasn't," Kerri said. "Why wouldn't he eat your brains? Isn't he a zombie?" their mother asked. "That's what I said!" Tommy said. "He wasn't going to eat our brains, because he's a vegetarian," Kerri said. Their mother giggled. "That makes perfect sense. Of course he wouldn't eat your brains if he was a vegetarian." Davey had been walking through the kitchen to get his Nintendo DS in the other room. "Now just hold it right there Davey." Davey stood paralyzed. "Take off your coat and boots before walking into the house." Davey walked back to the door and started to take off his winter clothes. "Wait," Kerri said. "We have to take the zombie some vegetables. He's really sick and hungry. Mom can we have some vegetables for the zombie?" "Dinner is almost ready dear. Why don't you wait until after dinner." "Then we can take the zombie some vegetables?" "Yes dear, then you can take the zombie some vegetables." Soon dinner was ready. After a hearty snack of milk and cookies, Tommy, Davey and Kerri sat down with their moms and dads and their older brothers and sisters and had Christmas dinner. They had stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole and ham. Kerri's mother noticed that she wasn't eating her glazed carrots. "Kerri, why aren't you eating your carrots dear? Are you saving them for the zombie?" "Yes mom." "I'm saving my carrots too!" Davey said.

Tommy's dad chuckled, "When we were young we just slipped our vegetables to the dog under the table." He laughed again. "Shannon, you have some creative children." "Yes they really are wonderful," Kerri's mother said. The children all smiled and looked at each other. "But that doesn't mean that you're going to get out of eating your vegetables. Now all of you eat your carrots and we will find you something to take the zombie after dinner," the children's mother said. "How do you think he became a zombie?" Kerri's dad asked the children. "You can't become a zombie until you die," Tommy said. "How do you think he died," the father asked. "Maybe he was in a car accident, or fell of a bridge, or drowned in the river, maybe..." Tommy said. "These children sure do have an active imagination," the father said. "Well he looks kind of like a hippie, maybe he died protesting," Davey said. Everyone laughed. "Yeah, he wouldn't talk to us so we tried to offer him money cause we thought he was a hippie at first," Tommy said. "Oh ho ho ho..." Tommy's father fell into an uncontrollable burst of laughter. It was infectious and everyone else joined in. "But he wouldn't take the money and then his eye fell out and we all ran except for Kerri," Tommy said. "Hey, you still have my five dollars!" Davey said. Tommy pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to Davey as he looked at his parents, "I wasn't going to keep it. I just forgot about it." "Why didn't you run Kerri?" Tommy's mom asked her. "He wasn't a scary zombie. My mom said that monsters are imaginary. They don't have to be scary," Kerri said. The parents all exchanged a look of approval. "You're a smart little girl," Tommy's mom said to Kerri. "Thank you," Kerri said. Kerri's father noticed that the kids still hadn't eaten their glazed carrots. He said, "Maybe the zombie became that way, because he didn't eat his vegetables. Do you kids want to die and turn into zombies?" Kerri and Davey looked at each other and then at Tommy.

"You don't want to become a zombie and have your eye pop out, do you?" the father said. The kids quickly ate the rest of their dinner. "I'm done. Can we go back out and play?" Tommy said. "Can we have some vegetables for the zombie?" Kerri said. "Yes dear. Come with me into the kitchen," Tommy's mother said. Kerri, Tommy and Davey followed the Tommy's mother into the kitchen. She went to the fridge to get a veggie sampler that she had wrapped up and put away. Meanwhile, the kids put back on their coats and boots. "Now what kind of veggies does a zombie like?" Tommy's mother said. "I hope they like tomatoes. I hate tomatoes," Davey said. Kerri's mother set the vegetables down and the children crowded around her peeking their heads over the counter. "Do you want a little bit of everything?" Kerri's mom said. "Take the cauliflower. It looks like brains!" Tommy said. "I think he's right. I bet zombies love cauliflower," the mother said. "Right," Kerri said. "Can I have some cookies," Davey said. "You can have some when you get back." Their mother put some cauliflower in small plastic bag and handed it to Kerri. "Now I don't want you to stay out late. I want you to come home when it starts to get dark out," their mother said. "Okay," the children responded as they ran out the door. The children ran back down the street and around the bend, throwing only the occasional snowball at each other along the way. They got back to Patty Tucker's pastures and helped each other over the fence. However, when they got back to the hill, they looked up and the zombie wasn't there anymore. "Where do you think he went?" Davey asked. "I don't know," Tommy said. The children ran up the hill and the zombie wasn't there. "Where did he go?" Davey said. "Mr. Zombie. Mr. Zombie! I brought you cauliflower," Kerri said. Kerri looked a little disappointed. "I'm sure he's nearby. He's a zombie it's not like he can move very fast," Tommy said. "I sure hope he didn't run away," Kerri said.

Now Patty's Pasture is not far down from the Gregory Hill Cemetery. A place where many a soul has been laid to rest. The children looked around. And then Tommy stared down toward the cemetery. "I think I know where he went," Tommy said. "Don't say it Tommy. Don't say it," Davey said. "Do you think he went into the cemetery?" Kerri said. "Don't say it. I'm not going down there," Davey said. "Well, it makes sense. He is a zombie. I bet he's down there," Tommy said. "I am not going down there. What if there's other zombies? What if it's haunted? I bet there's ghosts down there," Davey said. "Aw. Come on Davey. He looked so sick. We must try to help him. We have to give him some vegetables," Kerri said. "I am not going down there," Davey said. "It's Christmas Davey. You wouldn't let someone starve on Christmas would you?" Kerri said. Davey didn't respond. "What about you Tommy? Are you going to be a wus like Davey?" Kerri said. "I'm not a wus," Davey said. "Well you sure are acting like one," Kerri said. "Let's just go. How bad can it be?" Tommy said as he started walked toward the cemetery. "See. Tommy's not a wus," Kerri said as she followed Tommy. "I'm not a wus!" Davey said. "Prove it!" Kerri responded. "Man I need to find a new sister," Davey said to himself. Davey hung back while Tommy and Kerri walked over the crest of the hill. He felt alone and he didn't like it, so he decided to follow the other children. They were waiting for him next to a barb wire fence on the other side of the hill. "Yeah Davey. I knew you would come," Tommy said. "Yeah well, I ain't happy about it," Davey said. "Look at this Davey," Tommy said. Tommy pointed to a section of the fence where the barbed wire might have been removed. There were tracks of someone shuffling bare feet in the snow. They led through the gap in two different directions.

"We should follow the ones going back into the cemetery," Kerri said. They followed the tracks through the fence to the cemetery on the other side. Gregory Hill Cemetery was where anyone in the town of Willowbrook inevitably ended up. It was as old as the town. Even some of the trees seemed like they had been there for over a hundred years. Their long and crooked limbs trailed off trunks thick enough that it would take a dozen children to wrap their arms around them. On Christmas day, everything was frosted in snow. The long and crooked limbs of the trees the tops of ancient headstones, even wreaths and flowers left for loved ones had a generous icing of snow. The children walked up and down rows of headstones as they followed the zombie tracks. It didn't seem like they were heading in any particular direction. "Where do you think he's going? These tracks are all over the place," Tommy said. "I bet he's going to find his friends, so they can all eat us," Davey said. "Maybe he's heading back to his grave," Kerri said. "I think he would know where his own grave is," Tommy said. "How do you know that. Have you ever met a zombie before?" Kerri said. "Well these tracks aren't heading straight for anything. I think he's looking for something," Tommy said. "Ooo, I wonder what it could be," Kerri said. "He's probably hungry and is looking for little children so he can eat their brains," Davey said. "Oh I hope he's alright. He looked so sick. I hope he hasn't starved to death," Kerri said. "He's already dead. He can't starve to death if he's already dead," Tommy said. "Mr. Zombie! Mr. Zombie! We came back for you and brought food!" Kerri said. "Do you have to be so loud?" Davey said. "How else are we going to find him?" Kerri asked.

The children continued to follow the tracks through cemetery. They walked around a headstone that was taller than the children. That was when Tommy spotted something. "Look!" he said. "It looks like someone has been digging over there." Tommy pointed to where there was a spot where fresh earth had been dug up from underneath the snow. There was a large mounds of dirt next to an open hole in the earth. The children ran over and checked it out. "Do you think this is where he came from?" Kerri said. "I bet it is," Tommy responded. "There's a headstone. It says, Louis Armstrong," Davey said. "That's his name! That's the zombie's name," Kerri said. "Hey Kerri what was the name of the trumpet player with the puffy cheeks that dad listens to all of the time?" Davey asked. "Hey, that was Louis Armstrong, like the headstone," Kerri said. "Yeah but what was his other name?" Davey said. Davey thought for a moment. "It was Satchmo. That's what we should call him! Satchmo," Davey said. "You can't name him. You don't even like him," Kerri said. "I like it," Tommy said. "It does sound funny," Kerri said. "Satchmo the Zombie," Davey said. "Satchmo. We should go find him, so we can tell him his new name," Kerri said. "Which way did we come from? All of our tracks are mixed together now. I'm afraid I don't which direction to go looking for him," Tommy said. "You're right," Davey said. "Aw, now what are we going to do?" Kerri said. "We should keep looking," Tommy said. "But how will we find him?" Kerri said. "My dad once said, that if I ever get stuck, to just keep going. It's only a matter of time before you find your way," Tommy said. "So do you think if we just keep looking we'll find him?" Kerri said. "I know we will," Tommy said. The kids left the gravesite and wandered further into the cemetery. Now they were lost without a trail to follow. They walked past the old trees.

They walked past mausoleums. They found their way onto a road that meandered through the cemetery and followed that. After a short while without finding the zombie, Kerri said, "Now we've lost him for sure." "He has to be here somewhere," Tommy said. "Maybe we should go home now," Davey said. "Would you quit saying that!" Kerri said. "I'm just saying, if we can't find the zombie, then maybe we should go home. We can't stay here all night. Mom wants us home when it starts getting dark," Davey said. "How long do you think we have Tommy?" Kerri asked. "Maybe another hour," Tommy said. "Well then we'll look around for another hour," Kerri said. The children continued to walk down the road through the cemetery. It looked as if a few cars had been there that day. They left behind trails of two-tracks going down the road. There was an occasional spot where the cars pulled off to the side and you could see shoe prints going to and from the tire tracks. It made tracking the zombie by footprints practically impossible. They were walking down the road when Tommy stopped. "What is it?" Davey said. "I thought I heard something," Tommy said. The children all stopped and listened. From a little ways down the road, someone let out a moan. "I hear it!" Kerri said. "Me too!" Davey said. The children took off running down the road as it curved off to the left. Then they stopped again. Just a short way down the road there was parked car. The children could see a mausoleum not to far from where the car was. There was a light on inside. "What should we do?" Davey asked. "We should get closer," Kerri said. The children walked down the road to the car and then approached the mausoleum with cautious steps. It was starting to get dark. The door opened and bit of light crept into the cemetery. A woman stepped out of the mausoleum. She was wearing a winter coat, a flower print dress with moisture and snow crusting around its bottom edge, and a pair of heavy black boots.

Davey turned toward his sister and whispered in her ear, "I think she's a hippie." The woman seemed rather sad and distracted. She closed the door behind her and walked toward the children. Then jumped to a stop when she saw the children. She said, "What are you children doing?" The children didn't know who she was. They weren't sure if they were supposed to talk to her. "Why are you children playing in the cemetery on Christmas? Shouldn't you be home with your families?" It was Kerri who had the courage to speak up. "We weren't playing. We were trying to find our friend." "Oh dear. Is he lost?" The woman said. "We think so," Tommy said. "He's hungry and sick," Kerri said. "Oh my. We should really find him. What does he look like?" "He's about your height and he's grey and looks really sick. And he's not wearing any shoes or a shirt," Kerri said. "And one of his eyeballs fell out!" Tommy said. The woman looked very sad, but at the children's words her face brightened with a smile. "Would your friend happen to be a zombie?" she asked. "Yes! Have you seen him?" Kerri asked. "We thought we heard him down here. Is he in there?" Tommy said. "His name is Satchmo," Davey said. The woman smiled and looked at the children. "Yes dears. He is in there. But I'm afraid you are right. He's really sick and now he's resting." "Well do you think you could give him something?" Kerri asked. "What is it dear?" the woman asked. Kerri pulled the bag of cauliflower out of her coat and handed it to the woman. "What is this?" the woman asked. "That's cauliflower. It's for Satchmo. He's a vegetarian," Kerri said. The woman laughed. Then she picked up Kerri and hugged her. She said, "You're amazing children. You know exactly what people need on Christmas." "So you'll give Satchmo the cauliflower?" Kerri asked. "Yes dear. I will make sure that Satchmo gets the cauliflower."