sample essays for class comments (2007)-writing 4

8/10/2019 Sample Essays for Class Comments (2007)-Writing 4

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ESSAYS FOR CLASS COMMENTS

BENEFITS OF WORKING PART-TIME AMONG

UNIVERSITY STUDENTS - Outline

Working part-time while going to university is an option that many students wave aside right

away; many do not want to give up their free time for both studying and social activities, so they

view a job as a last resort. Nevertheless, part-time work during school has its valuable rewards.

Indeed, part-time employment provides ways to offset educational expenses, enhances

opportunities to find a job after graduation, and enables students to learn precious skills and

experiences.

1. The foremost benefit that student employment can offer is frequently based upon

real economic need.

a. Help pay off living expenses and tuition, relieve the economic burdens of

parents

b. Teach students how hard it is to earn money and helps develop a sense of

thriftiness

c. Help cultivate independence, make students feel more mature, more confident

in themselves (self-confident).

2. Another benefit of part-time work is the opportunity to increase students' chances of

success in the job market after graduation by expanding their resumes and developing

their real-world skills.

a. Working part-time can add to a student's resume the practical work experience

b. Any employers would automatically hire the job candidate (appliant) with part-

time work experience over another (others)


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c. Part-time jobs experience gives students an insight into what work is about and

prepares them psychologically for their future jobs

3. It is difficultv but finding work opportunities directly related to students' major is not

completely impossible, and even if they cannot, gaining general work experience will still

help them down the road.

a. A common objection is that most part-time jobs available to students are menial

manual ?labor and not related to their career interests

b. Even the most basic part-time jobs can enhance transferable skills like working

with the public, working as part of a team, etc.c. These skills carry over into many other occupations, and are useful for alil kinds

of future employment.

To summary-ize, working part-time while attending university brings a multitude of obvious

benefits. Considerably more than just earning money to help defray educational expenses,

students can derive a great deal from employment like chances to find a job after graduation and

a whole new set of skills and experiences. Seeing that working can be a valuable part of a

student's life, there is a need for considerable emphasis of the society on the value of a part-time

job among working-age students.

Comments: Very good outlining

Scores: 2/2

*******


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BENEFITS OF WORKING PART-TIME

AMONG UNIVERSITY STUDENTS

Working part-time while going to university is an option that many students wave aside right

away; many do not want to give up their free time for both studying and social activities, so they

view a job as a last resort. Nevertheless, part-time work during school has its valuable rewards.

Indeed, part-time employment provides ways to offset educational expenses, enhancesopportunities to find a job after graduation, and enables students to learn precious skills and

experiences.

The foremost benefit that student employment can offer is frequently based upon real economic

need. First, part-time jobs can help pay off board and lodging expenses and the cost of university

tuition, consequently, students who have part-time jobs can relieve, to some extent, the economic

burdens of their parents. Furthermore, after-school work teaches students how hard it is to earn

money and helps develop a sense of thriftiness among young people. Lastly, being able to earn

their own money gives students a feeling that they have become adults and, thus, helps cultivate

independence and makes them feel more mature, and more confident in themselves.

Another benefit of part-time jobs is the opportunity to increase students' chances of success in

the job market after graduation by expanding their resumes and developing their real-world

skills. First, working part-time can add to a student's resume the practical work experience. This

is especially important because when given two applications with equal academic qualifications,

any employers would automatically hire the job candidate with part-time work experience over


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another without work experience. Second, by helping students apply their knowledge into

practice, part-time work experience gives them an insight into what work is about and prepares

them psychologically for their future jobs.

In a common objection, one may argue that most part-time jobs available to students are

boring menial labor and require nothing of the knowledge that is related to their career interests

and goals. However, finding work opportunities directly related to students' major is not

completely impossible, and even if they cannot, gaining general work experience will still help

them down the road. Indeed, even the most basic part-time jobs can enhance transferable skills

like working with the public, working as part of a team, managing a budget, or dealing withdifficult or distressed customers. These skills carry over into many other occupations, can be

adapted to different working situations, and, accordingly, are useful for all kinds of future

employment.

To summary, working part-time while attending university brings a multitude of obvious

benefits. Considerably more than just earning money to help defray educational expenses,

students can derive a great deal from employment like chances to find a job after graduation and

a whole new set of skills and experiences. Seeing that working can be a valuable part of a

student's life, there is a need for considerable emphasis of the society on the value of a part-time

job among working-age students.

Comments: Very good essay (organization, grammar, style)

Scores: 5.5/6


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A. Outline:

I. Introduction: It's one more hour; my eight-year-old pupil comes to my room to study English. I'm a third year

student and I'm interested in working part time.V I used to be a waitress at a coffee bar in three

months in the first year. Now I'm a tutor, teaching English for two little girls. Being an university

student, I have lots of chances to work part time. These days, it seems advisable that university

students should work part time.

*The content is OK, but the background information is too poor..

II. Development:

1. Reasons:

1.1. When working part time, university students have chances to communicate

with many kinds of people.

-To understand about real life (more details explanation)


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- To get well-behaviors-ed experiences. (more details

explanation)

1.2. When working part time, university students can earn some money by

themselves.

-To buy materials for learning. (more details explanation)

- To pay for the daily needs. (more details explanation)

2. Refutation:

v If university students do not work part tlime, they do not have chances;

- To enter the life while they're university students.

- To apply what they learn.Ill. Conclusion: University students should work part tlime because of its advantages, such as: having chances tocommunicate with many kinds of people, having chances to earn some money by themselves,etc.Score: 0,5/2

B. Essay:

It's one more hour; my eight-year-old pupil comes to my room to study English. I' m a third year

student and I'm interested in working part time. I used to be a waitress at a coffee bar in three

months in the first year. Now I'm a tutor, teaching English for two small girls. Being an

university student, I have lots of chances to work part time. These days, it seems advisable that

university students should work part time.

First, when working part time, university students have chances to communicate with many

kinds of people. It's time for them to understand about real life which includes many difficulties

they haven't been known. Then they can get well-behaviors experiences to solve those problems.

(POOR)


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Second, when working part time, university students can earn some money by themselves.

Even vit's low or high, its the first income they get. The feeling of having and using th at money

is so wonderful????. Students can use it to buy materials for learning, to pay for the daily needs,

etc. (POOR)

If university students do not work part time, they do not have chances to enter the life

while they're university students. The university only teach students the skills for future jobs, not

the skills for real life?. Enter the socialsociety is the simplest way for students to see and to

understand about life. Furthermore, working part time is also the chances for students apply what

they learn in university and get some good experiences for the future jobs. A particular exampleis me. I'm learning to become an English teacher as a tutor now,v I can review what I learn. I

think it helps me have more confident in my future.

(REFUTATION??? Which point?)

Conclusion, university students should work part time because of its advantages, such as:

having chances to communicate with many kinds of people, having chances to earn some money

by themselves, etc. In my opinion, each student should not miss the chance to have a part time

job,v it's a very good preparation for the future.

Comments: Poor ideas, poor organization, wrong use of words and punctuation

Scores: 2/6


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THE ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAY

DETAILED OUTLINE:

Topic sentence???: I think that English should be compulsory to university students in Viet Nam..?

I. The way ?students in Viet Nam study the international language. (TS?)

English is the first language of many countries, and manyv also use it as vsecond

language, so English is considered as international language.


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Students in Viet Nam is taught English only in about 4 semesters and the knowledge v

is just enough for simple conservations, but not for their subject.?

Some examples: hardly access to the Internet for in formation because almost

information is in English, can not write a simple letter for a pen friend.

II. After 4 semesters of English at university, how can they use it in their job?What point?

They have problems for the first step: writing an application , an excuse, etc.

They can not deal with up date documents, especially, if they work with foreign

company. They can not solve English contracts,v international law when Viet Nam join

the WTO. Almost all graduated students have many troubles?, so they h ave to take extra classes

after office hours.

III. My opponent might argue that English should be compulsory to student in Viet Nam as soonas possible; (Refutation???--> the same idea)

1. Our student can not keep pace with international students. Students can not deal

with work as effectively as others in another country.

2. if they do not teach English when students at university, students will have difficulty in

learn it again

3. Without English language skills, Vietnamese students can not satisfy with new job

conditions when Viet Nam joins v(WTO).

Concluding sentence. Ministry of Education and Training should have English as a mainsubject to students in Viet Nam. (POOR)

Comments: Confused ideas, poor style

Scores: 0,75/2


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ENGLISH SHOULD BE COMPULSORY TO STUDENTS IN VIET NAM

"You're Vietnamese, what do you learn English for? Even vmother language hasn't been

master..." that is what many students say to show their laziness of learning English at university.

In contrast to them, others realize how important English is for their future job, and they find that

the English they learn at school is not enough. Because they even can not use that English

knowledge to access the Internet or make a short tour to a foreign country. If even they

themselves feel lack of English skills, how can the employee evaluate them? Therefore, I think

that English should be compulsory to university students in Viet Nam. (Thesis Statement is a

conclusion?)

If you think that little English is just enough for a job, you will find it a mistake later. Why?

(TS?) English is the first language of many countries and is also the second language of many

other countries, so it is considered as international language. A large number of students learn

English so why you still ignore it. Let take a short overview: students in our country are taught

English for only 4 semesters; the result is very terrible because you just can make very simple

conservations and you almost know nothing about your subject. ???We can not deny the truth

that rarely do students in Viet Nam use vInternet effectively because they have trouble with the

vamount of English information. Another example of my friend who got a B degree can not

write a complete letter for a pen friend although she has used a dictionary. So mastering an

international language is really important to student daily activities.

Have you ever asked question how could you use your English after 4 semesters? If you ask a

graduate student in Vietnam, they will give you some very clear answers. They get

trouble for the first step of writing an vapplication or an excuse,? etc. furthermore, when they

work for a foreign company they can not deal with up date document without a dictionary.


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Almost all graduated students have to take extra classes after office hours, but how can they

solve with English contracts or update new international law when Viet Nam joined WTO. From

now on, English is not only needed for students 'job but also a need for the development of our

country.????

From two reasons above, my opponent might argue that English should be compulsory to student

in Viet Nam as soon as possible.(Refutation?) Other while otherwise students can not keep pace

with international students in many parts of life?, they do their job not as effectively as others

who have mastered English. In addition, Vietnamese students can not satisfy new working

conditions without English skills vViet Nam joined WTO. Working in new condition is not as

easy and simple as people used to do in the past.??? You still think that no one could harm you

because you are good at doing paper job, so will you bring a dictionary when you meet a foreign

customer? Will you bring a dictionary to check if the contract is ok? If you do that silly thing,

I'm sure that you will be cheated.

If students in Viet Nam do not have to learn English as a main major, their course may be

simpler and easier but they surely get many troubles in their future Job.?? In addition, not

improving new words, structure and speaking for long time, students have to study from the

beginning. Now what is the problem? They have family and many other things to deal with, for

these reasons your English hardy to improve. Why don't you- a student yourself decided to learn

English. You will have to learn harder but you will easier in your future job? What is more

convenience? Not only the effort of students, but the decision of the authority is also important.?

That is why Ministry of Education and Training should have English as a main subject to student

in Viet Nam. (Nonsensical!)

Comments: vague points and support, poor organization, poor ideas.


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Scores: 0.5/6

The topic: "Should English be compulsory to university students in Vietnam?"

The outline:

The thesis statement : English should be compulsory to university students in Vietnaml. 0ne reason: English is a necessary tool for graduated students.a. First, a lot of companies require English B level as an obligatory b. Second, non graduated English students who specialized in another subject can beuse English as a skill for his job.2. 0ther reason: English has been becoming an official and common language in manycountries.a. The first reason is English is used as the second language in a lot of countries.

b. The second reason is English is used at the international airport and most of public places.???3. 0ne of my opponents' opinion is students should choose one foreign language they prefer mostto study. However, this is notv advantage because:

a. Firstly, students must search vthe English information onvInternet.

b. Secondly, studying English at university is not wasteful timeof students (Weak point!)


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Comments: Poor and confused ideas, not very detailed

Scores: 0,5/2

The essay:

One of my friends asked me that "Do you know how many languages are spoken in the world?"

Surprisingly, I looked at her and then many different numbers turned up in my mind. However, I

did not know which number was exactly and I hesitantly told her that "there are so many

languages spoken". In fact, there are more than 120 languages spoken in the world, but English is

the language spoken by the most powerful country: vUSA which effects on both industry and

economic of Viet Nam.? Even, Japan, a potential country?, considers English as the second

language ?which is used in user's guide of any electrical products. It is clear that studying

English is not an abundant outlook. Furthermore, English should be compulsory to university

students in Viet Nam.(Introduction?)

One reason that university students should be compulsory to studying English is that English is a

necessary tool for graduated students. First, English B level is an obligatory qualificationv

enclosed with student's CV when applying vpost. At the present, all of companies or branches

only recruit a new employer who has capacity of spoken English and got, at least, English B

level. If an applicant lacks of this degree, he or she is certain to hold the exit of the company

without coming back again. Second, a non graduated English student who specialized in another

subject can be use English as the skill for his job. For example, one architecture who is

specialized in maths and drawing works for a Poland company, without English?, how could he

manage to deal to his boss and to understand English written on schema master plan? It must be

a great problem, so studying English at university will create basic knowledge of students ?in

vfurther future.


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Other reason for obligation to study English at university is English has been becoming an

official and common language in many countries. The first notice is English is used as the

second language of a lot of countries. Here, I intend to mention to some Asian countries which

have relationships in trade with Viet Nam such as Korea, Malaysia, Philippine, vChina.

vStudents of these countries must study English and use it to communicate to students of other

countries??. This can be defined as a general tendency. So English should be also compulsory to

Viet Nam students. The second notice is English is widely used at the international airports and

most of public places. There are many signs written in English stuck on the walls such as "no

smoking", " please quiet" , or above the doors like: " exit" ," entry". English valso written on passports, plane tickets, listened from guiders of the airport, spoken in the plane. If you left

university for a long time, worked without using English, but in a business traveling by plane, a

flight attendant who mistook you as a Chinese politely asked "orange juice or tomato juice?"

Could you choose one of two kinds of Juice quickly? I think so. You can remember these words

when you had ever studied English at university. It can be said that English is useful in the daily

life.

One of my opponents disagreed on studying English at university like an obligatory subject. For

her, students should have freedom to choose one foreign language they prefer most to study.

However, this opinion does not disadvantage for students who not study English. Because,

firstly, teachers of any subjects always require their students to searchv on vInternet. Virtually,

the necessary information written in English which students must translate into Vietnamese.

Secondly, studying English at university is not wasteful time. Because of being four or five years

in university is not a short period of time. Many students have part time jobs and desire to get

full jobs when they just finishing the last semester?. If students are not compulsory to studying


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English, they won't register this subject then they will have to spend a certain time to get English

B or C level while the vacancy can be occupied by over graduated student??. In fact, preparing

English at university is the good way for students to satisfy the requirements of the company.

In brief, English is not a new issue to discussv any more. The usefulness of using English in the

daily life or in the school is a part of our life. English is both a necessary tool for graduated

students and an official and common language in many countries. From that, English should be

compulsory to university students in Viet Nam following the global tendency.

Comments: Confused ideas, lack of unity

Scores: 1/6

Topic: Should university students work part- time

I. Introduction

All students may be aware that in order to achieve a great success in the future, they need to

invest time and energy on their study. Nowadays, many students choose working part-time as a

popular trend. They get part-time jobs to earn a living for themselves or to support their family as

well. Therefore, some people say that the main duty of students is studying, they should not get

part-time jobs. Should students work part-time or should they focus on their study? In my own

opinion, students should work part-lime for three remarkable reasons.

II. Development

A. Students can solve their financial problems.

1. Meet their needs

a. Pay for rent

b. Pay for meals


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c. Other little expenses: gift for friend's birthday, online fee, etc.

2. Support their study

a. Pay for tuition

b. Buy material for study

c. Research books, other devices

3. Help their family

a. Do not get or reduce allowance from parents every

month

b. Send to family a little money if they get more

c. Reduce their family's worry about them

B. Students get more realistic experience

1. Accumulate experience for future job

a. Apply immediately theory into work

b. Be a tour guide

c. Be a tutor

2. Improve skills in social communication

a. Meet different kinds of people

b. Know how to behave well to other people

c. Become more mature with worthy life

3. Create in students an appreciation of money

a. Know that earning money is not easy


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b. Urge them to work harder

c. Love their parents more

C- My opponents urge some negative effects of working part-time

1. Interfere with their study

a. Study complex and difficult subjects

b. Will be hard to concentrate on study

c. However still have students who work part-time get scholarship

2. Make them come to a different type of consideration

a. Do not to study more

b. Be more profitable to earn and enjoy money

c. If take this effect, thousands of students will lose interest in studying

3. Take away part of their youth that they never have again

a. Do not have time to hang out with friends

b. Can not take part in students' activities

c- But if not work part- time, they will worry about paying their expenses

III. Conclusion

My conclusion is that working part-time is likely to do more good than harm for students, so

they should work part-time. Benefits from working part-time help students when they study as

well as when they go for full-time job. They get a low salary, but they can cover every day's

needs and their study. Moreover, it can be undeniable that students work part-time not only to

get extra money but also to be a best way to enhance their practical application and improve

communication skills.


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ESSAY

All students may be aware that in order to achieve great success in the future, they need to

invest time and energy on their study. Nowadays, many students choose working part-time as a

popular trend. They get part-time jobs to earn a living for themselves or support their family as

well. Therefore, some people say that the main duty of students is studying, they should not get

part-time jobs. Should students work part-time or should they focus on their study? In my own

opinion, students should work part-time for three remarkable reasons.

First, working part-time help students solve their financial problems or be enough money for

their expenses. They can meet their needs such as pay for rent, pay for meals and other little

expenses. Renting an apartment today is really expensive. Students need to buy food everyday

and sometimes they buy gift for their friend's birthday. On the other hand, students who work

part-time can support their study. Although university tuition is high about one million per

semester, they can pay their tuition by themselves. Students often need to buy materials for

studying. They also need to buy research books, dictionary, or calculator, computer to study

better. Moreover, students can help their family by not getting or reducing allowance from their

parents every month. If they get more, they can send a little to their family. These things make

their family not worry about them. Therefore, working part-time is really useful for students.

Second, students can get more realistic experience from part-time jobs. They accumulate

experience and are ready for their future job. A person may be well educated but not able to

perform a job proficiently. So working part-time, students can apply immediately theory into

work. For example, a student who study tourism department go to work part-time as a tour guide,


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or a student who is going to be a teacher go to work part-time as a tutor. Form working part-time,

students will be more professional and have more effective methods for their future job. Besides,

they also improve their skills in social communication. When they work part-time, meeting many

kinds of people, can help them be more active, confident, and flexible in communication

situations. They also know how to behave well to others and become more mature in life. They

will think more carefully, feel responsible for life and dealt with problems easily in- group work

in the future. After that, working part-time creates in students an appreciation of money. By

seeing how difficult it is to earn money, they could be able to appreciate and love their parent

more. Also, realizing difficulties in earning money and being paid low salary may urge thosestudents to work harder. They will then realize that it is only if they study they can earn decent

living without the need of working manually.

My opponents urge some negative effects of working part-time. First, some people do not think

it is a good idea for students to have part-time jobs while they are students because it can

.interfere their study. University subjects are really complex and difficult, so in order to learn and

get good grades, a student must invest all time and energy to study. This means attending classes

from early in the morning until late afternoon, then doing research for projects, then going home

and doing homework. It is a busy schedule for anyone. If they are working after class at night,

they will be tired next day. This will have a negative impact on their study and eventually on

their grades. However, many students who work part-time still are good and gel scholarship. The

second reason is that working part-time might make them come to a different type of

consideration. They would begin to think that they need not study anymore, and it would be

more profitable to earn and enjoy money rather than study at university and pass exams. Their

reasoning may be that there is no need to be educated to live a good life, so students should focus


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on studying and could work to earn money in later life. If this could take effect, thousands of

students will lose interest in studying. Furthermore, my opponents may urge that working part-

time could take away part of their youth that student time could not replaced again. Spending

time on working part-time, students are missing out the fun of youth because of not having time

to hang out with friends. They also can not take part in student's activities such as "green

summer". But if not work part-time, soon enough they must worry about their expenses and if go

out to play a lot, they are easy to come to social problems.

My conclusion is that working part-time is likely to do more good than harm for students, so they

should work part-time. Benefits from working part-time help students when they study as well aswhen they go for full-time job. They get a low salary, but they can cover every day's needs and

their study. Moreover, it can be undeniable that students work part-time not only to get extra

money but also to be a best way to enhance their practical application and improve

communication skills.

[email protected]


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sample essays for class comments (2007)-writing 4

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