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COMMUNITY CONDUCT

Colossians 3

INTRODUCTION TO THE SERIES

So far this year, we’ve been thinking about some aspects of how we are called to life as community and to live within our wider community. Bearing in mind that our mission statement at St Mary’s is to ‘share the life-changing love of Jesus, serving our whole community’, it stands to reason that if we aspire to work with God to share that ‘life-chang-ing’ love, we must first allow the work of ‘life-changing’ to take place first in each of our own individual lives.

During the course of Lent, in preparation for Easter, when we particularly celebrate all that Jesus has done for us, we are therefore going to spend time examining ourselves and considering how we our lives might look more and more like the ones that He calls us to live ourselves. What should our conduct look like as a community who are living Spirit-filled lives, showing that Jesus truly is alive within each of us?

The Bible is clear that the changed life that flows out of a true personal commitment to Jesus is what demonstrates the genuine nature of an individual’s commitment. It is not about what you know, but it’s about what you are be-coming, and it is not seen in isolation – it involves individuals in community.

St Mary’s is an increasingly active church but the Bible shows us that our conduct (i.e. any ‘works’ that we do), as we serve one another and our community, is worthless in God’s sight unless it flows out of a genuine personal surrender to Him. The evidence of that personal surrender is seen in the transformed way that we behave before God and to-wards one another. Everything else follows.

The notes, which follow, aim to support the sermon series and to give some direction to your group discussions during Lent. We hope that you will find them helpful as you look to God to work out his life-changing love in each of your lives.

BACKGROUND TO COLOSSIANSThe author, Paul, with his co-worker, Timothy, is writing to the Christians living in the small city of Colossae (which is in modern-day Turkey). The church there was established some 10 years earlier, possibly by Epaphras (1:7), while Paul was nearby in Ephesus. Paul is now writing about 30 years after Jesus’ death, at around the time that he also wrote to the Ephesians. It seems as though some dangerous teaching had crept in from elsewhere in those intervening years, threatening the church, and Paul is both responding to that situation (in the first two chapters) and (in chapters - 3 and 4) encouraging the Colossian believers in their growth towards Christian maturity. His words of encouragement are therefore particularly appropriate for us too as Christians who are looking to deepen our roots and grow in matu-rity as followers (or disciples) of Jesus.

Sharing the life-changing love of Jesus, serving our whole communitywww.stmaryscnorton.com

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SESSION 1: PUT ON THE NEW SELF INTRODUCTIONThis week we are looking at the ‘new self’ that a Christian is called to ‘put on’. The passage focuses primarily on atti-tudes of the heart and mind that characterise a disciple’s new relationship with God. The goal of your discussion will therefore be to help one another to identify the areas in which you might need attention in order to remove barriers to your relationship with God through Jesus.

COLOSSIANS 3: 1-111Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things, 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off the old self, with its prac-tices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

GETTING THE CONVERSATION STARTEDThese questions can be used as ice-breakers in the beginning OR interwoven between the questions below to draw the group into the discussion.

1. What do you associate with ‘things above’ as compared to ‘earthly things’?2. When you think of your life now, do you see any characteristics or habits that are ‘new’? Do you see anything

that has changed recently from ‘the old’?3. Are you familiar with thinking of your life as a Christian in this way – as being a ‘new’ person? 4. What things do you find getting in the way and stopping you living the sort of life that Paul describes here?

A. What are these “old” and “new” lives that Paul writes about?

In baptism, the rich symbolism of being first immersed and then raised up out of the water illustrates how a Christian dies and rises again with Jesus. When someone has turned their life to follow Jesus (‘repented’) and submitted to his authority in their life (has been ‘converted’), that Christian is a different person in a very real way to the person who has died and been left behind in the waters of baptism. So what is the difference?

• Look at verses 1 and 2 – where is a disciple’s heart and mind now set?[No longer on the earthly things but on things above]

Discuss what this might mean today? [e.g. how does it change our affections, our will and our perspective?]

How might we come to know better about ‘things above’?What does it not mean? [e.g. it doesn’t mean an aloof ‘other-worldliness’]

• Paul writes that a Christian’s new life is now ‘hidden with Christ in God’, implying that others will not recog-nise its true significance until we rise with Christ in glory.

What challenges does that create to us as we try to live as Christians?How does this way of living sit in a world that applauds celebrity and public acclaim?

• In verse 4, Paul writes that Christ is our life. Look also at Philippians 1:21 and Galatians 2:20.Think about other things that we say today, such as “sport is his life” or “her music means everything to her”. How does that help us to get a feel for what Paul means here?

B. What does the ‘new’ life entail?

Paul makes clear that this is no abstract concept. Being a Christian looks distinctly different too. It means turning our backs on anything which is against God and which keeps us from pleasing God. Look also at Romans 8:13 and Matthew 5:29-30 which make the same point.


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• Look at the lists in verses 5 and 8 – what do these things have in common?[This is not simply a moral tick-box exercise, this is about drawing closer to God, not just being a better person. Paul lists things which keep us focused on ourselves rather than on God.]

As you think about these things that are to be ruthlessly eliminated from our lives, are there any which stand out to you?Are there other things that come to your mind?

[Encourage your group to be vulnerable with one another and to ask for support in any areas with which they struggle. Even if some don’t feel comfortable talking now, keep encouraging openness and honesty within the safety of the group.]

• Paul uses the image of putting off old clothes and putting on a new self.What characterises the new self? [The image of Christ – discuss what this looks like to you]Is this a one off change? [No, it is life-long process of continual growth]

• In this ‘new’ life, what does it mean that ‘Christ is all and is in all’?[There are no barriers between people by race, class or gender.]

How are you doing as individuals and as a group at ensuring that there are no barriers?How are you actively welcoming and drawing people into your lives regardless of their back-grounds (or do you feel more like a cosy and exclusive club sometimes)?

[If the answer to that last question is ‘yes’, spend some time thinking how you might change that.]

ALLOW TIME FOR GOD TO MINISTER TO YOU AS YOU EXAMINE YOURSELVES AND ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHERAsk the Holy Spirit to reveal areas in your own lives where are still clinging on to your old, dead self and creating barri-ers between you and God. Pray for his supernatural ability to put these things behind you. Take some time to share with others and pray for strength and wisdom in these areas

[To take this further themselves, encourage your group to look also at Ephesians 4:17-5:17 during the coming week]


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SESSION 2: LOVE IN ACTION

INTRODUCTIONLast week we looked at the ‘new self’ that a Christian is called to ‘put on’. We concentrated on the attitudes of the heart and mind that characterise a disciple’s new relationship with God. This week we will be thinking more about the way that these attitudes spill over into our relationships with other people. Again, we will focus on our own personal journeys of discipleship, out of a response to God’s love for you. The aim in your group discussion should be to help each other to identify your personal strengths and weaknesses in your relationships with the people around you, and to discuss how each of you might approach other people in more positive and godly ways as time goes by.

COLOSSIANS 3: 12-1412 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humil -ity, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.


1. When other people describe a typical Christian’s behaviour towards other people, what do they tend to say?2. How easy do you find it to let go when you feel wronged by another person?3. If you were writing a letter of encouragement to a new Christian, how would you describe ‘love in action’?

A. You are chosen, holy and dearly loved… This is how Paul describes us as Christians, yet in our culture we like to be in control of our lives. Personal autonomy is given a high priority, and we are encouraged to looking after our own interests first.

• Against that backdrop, read the first half of verse 12 slowly and digest it. [NB ‘holy’ = set apart, perfect]How does it make you feel to be told that you are loved so much that someone else has been prepared to die for you?Do you find it easy to look at yourself as someone who has been chosen, seen as though you are perfect, and set apart and to bring God glory and to enjoy him (Psalm 36:8; 1 Tim 6:17)?

• Clearly we are not perfect, so what is it that makes God see us as if we were?[As soon as we genuinely embrace Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, all of our imperfections are washed away. We are ‘cleansed’ by the blood of his self-sacrifice on the cross. We are justified (it is just-as-if-I’d never sinned) – see Romans 3:20-26.]

B. Therefore clothe yourselves… • Now look to the second half of verse 12.

For what reason are disciples expected to behave in these ways towards other people?[Because we are chosen, holy and loved]

Asking the same question another way - what is NOT the reason?[It is NOT so that we might find favour – it is because God has al-ready given us his favour / grace]

Discuss the difference between these two reasons for acting in certain ways...

C. Bear with one another in love.

In verses 13 and 14, we see what a Christian community ought to look like. Without being drawn into personal criti-cism or pointing the finger at others (when we point a finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at us!), think for a moment about how different our Christian community looks at times.

• What exceptions does Paul offer to us to the general principle of extending forgiveness to others?


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[None!]What reason does Paul offer for this universal imperative to forgive?

[Because Jesus has forgiven you.]If Jesus has forgiven you for everything you’ve ever done, what reason can there be to with-hold forgiveness from others? [Look at Matthew 6:12 & Matthew 18:23-35]

• Disciples are called to demonstrate compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance and forgiveness. What binds them all together?

[Love, v14]

• Reading a list like that can seem daunting if we are expected to keep to those standards in our own strength, but fortunately God recognises that we won’t manage it on our own. Look at Galatians 5:22-23 – what is the source of these virtues?

[The Holy Spirit]

This passage finishes with Paul saying that these virtues are bound together by love. Galatians 5 says that they also come with joy. The life of a disciple is characterised by joy but, like these other virtues, joy can be something that, even in the strength of the Spirit, we often have to work at. Joy is a discipline just as much as patience is a discipline. Discipleship involves personal discipline (the clue is in the word!).

ALLOW TIME FOR GOD TO MINISTER TO YOU AS YOU EXAMINE YOURSELVES AND ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHERPray into anything that has arisen during the course of your discussion: Do any of you need to be released from striv-ing to earn God’s favour into living in the knowledge that you are loved unconditionally? Are there areas of unforgive-ness which need God’s supernatural intervention? Did any of Paul’s list of virtues stand out to you as needing an inten-tional disciplined effort on your part? Ask the Holy Spirit to equip you to deal with these things.


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SESSION 3: CHRIST IN US, ALL FOR CHRIST

INTRODUCTIONWe finished last week recognising that we can only live out the holy and virtuous lives that God asks of us when we call upon the strength of the Holy Spirit. Today we will be considering what it means to let Jesus rule in our hearts col-lectively, and what it looks like to live together as his people, for him. The aim of your discussion will therefore be to identify the indispensible elements that Paul identifies here for living together as disciples of Jesus.

COLOSSIANS 3: 14-1714And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


1. In the long run, do you think that placing a primary emphasis on the ‘rights of the individual’, as we so often do, is likely to draw people together or to push people apart?

2. Can you think of things that you often take for granted in your daily lives?3. Imagine that you care about someone and see him/her making bad choices. Do you think it’s better to draw

his/her attention to those bad choices, or to stand back and leave him/her to it?

A. The perfect bond?

In verse 14, Paul is neither talking about Sean Connery nor advertising superglue. Look also at 1 Corinthians 13 (so of-ten read at weddings). Paul teaches us that love is the most important virtue which binds the rest together and which binds us all together in the way that God intended [the Greek text here says that love is ‘the perfect bond’].

• Discuss the practical implications of ‘putting on love’ (v.14).How easy is it to slip into criticism and gossip?Can you identify any areas in which you might have ‘taken off love’ in relation to another Christian?Consider how this relates to last week’s discussions about forgiveness.

In verse 15, Paul develops the theme of what love in action looks like for the church collectively. As disciples we are ‘called to peace’. He says ‘Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts’. He uses a word for ‘rule’ from the athletic arena, meaning ‘Let the peace of Christ be the umpire in your heart’.

• When we come up against differences of opinion or conflict, discuss what it means to let Christ be the umpire in your heart who rules for peace.

[For any cricketers, you might like to imagine an appeal of “Howzat” going to Jesus. As he looks on, if he sees annoyance, irritation or criticism getting the upper hand, he will rule “Out!”, but if he sees a move towards peace and reconciliation, he will declare “Play on!”]

Identify real life illustrations of this that might be helpful for your group.

B. Are you singing gratefully?

Look at the ends of verses 15, 16 and 17.• What attitude is expected of Christians, whatever the circumstances?

It’s not always easy to see what God is doing in every circumstance. Being thankful can of-ten take a conscious effort, but can you think of times when you have come to see the bene-fit later for something that you really struggled with at the time?


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• Verse 16 tells us to ‘sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in our hearts to God’. It doesn’t matter what we call them, or what the style is, what is important is the content and how we sing them.

Share your own favourite ways of singing with your group (it might help them to find new ways of expressing their praise and gratitude to God).Have you ever found yourselves moaning or complaining about a form of singing that you don’t like?

[Remember that ALL worship is pleasing to God, regardless of whether or not it is edifying to us as individuals. Recognise also that negative attitudes to singing are no different to negative attitudes in any other aspect of our lives before God. Now try to be honest with your group and repent (say sorry) for any ungodly attitude and resolve to help one another to ‘put on’ a new attitude.]

C. How richly does the word of Christ dwell in you?

Read verse 16 again. Notice how Paul says ‘teach one another’. All Christians are called to teach one another. It is not just the vicar’s job!

• Is it possible to teach anybody something about which you are ignorant?How are we expected to equip ourselves to teach one another?

• For the word of Christ (all Scripture – 2 Tim 3:16) to dwell in us richly, Christians must get to know it and to know their way around it. We must all start somewhere, but there are no short-cuts – it takes time!

Spend time helping one another to think of different strategies / times / methods that can enable us to dig deeper and keep on digging deeper into Scripture.

Verse 16 also put teaching and admonishing squarely within the same bracket, and both beneath the umbrella of the bond of love. The deepest form of love that we can have for another person is to step out from time to time and to tell them (gently!) when we think that they are making lifestyle decisions that are ungodly (Look up also Acts 20:31; 1Corinthians 4:14; 1 Thessalonians 5:14). A truly surrendered disciple will be grateful for timely words of rebuke.

• Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom: Just as we cannot hope to teach properly without the word of Christ within us, so it is when Christians come to admon-ish each other. So how do we go about this teaching / admonishing responsibly?

[Neither can come from our own self-importance or self-righteousness, both must come only from the word of Christ as it is applied, in love, to our lives.]

Are these things that you already try to do in your groups?Are you comfortable with the idea of teaching and admonishing in love?How does that compare with a secular model that says “each to his/her own”?

Resolve to invite and embrace the teaching / admonishing of other Christians.

D. All in the name of Jesus

…whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

A final point: Discipleship can be challenging and can challenge secular norms, but this last verse helps to keep us fo-cused. To avoid coming unstuck, we need to remind ourselves that none of these things can be done for our own per-sonal advantage. A disciple tries to do everything in the name of Jesus.

ALLOW TIME FOR GOD TO MINISTER TO YOU AS YOU EXAMINE YOURSELVES AND ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHERPray into anything that has arisen during the course of your discussion: Have you encountered barriers to living in peace with others in the church? Pray for the Spirit to break them down.Are there things that you want to give particular thanks for?Do you find it easier to be critical than thankful? Pray for God’s strength to turn that around.Do you need the courage, wisdom and the right words to speak into another person’s life? Ask for that wisdom and trust that God will give it to you.


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SESSION 4: AT HOME AND AWAY INTRODUCTIONLast week we thought generally about how Christians are called to live together in love, with the word of Christ dwelling and the peace of Christ ruling in our hearts. In today’s verses, Paul moves on to think about some more spe-cific relationships, and how disciples of Christ should aim to live in particular aspects our lives alongside others. The passage gives us three reciprocal relationships to consider in more detail, and before diving in, note that in each case, as with all Christian relationships, there is reciprocal obligation. There are no Christian relationships where the duties and responsibilities lie only on one side.

It is also worth bearing in mind, as we think about Paul’s advice here, that what he has to say is quite revolutionary to his readers. At the time, relationships were usually very much one-sided. Wives had no standing in law at all, children had no rights at all (the father even had the right to kill his child if he saw fit) and slaves were regarded as things in the eyes of the law rather than people.

If anything you discuss this week seems challenging, just imagine how much more challenging it was to Paul’s first au-dience! In any event, this week’s discussion intends to clarify godly patterns of behaviour towards our spouse, towards our parents or children and in the workplace – at home and away…

COLOSSIANS 3: 18- 4: 118Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21Fathers, do not embitter your chil-dren, or they will become discouraged. 22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 What-ever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favouritism.

Colossians 4 1Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.


1. Do you think that onlookers would notice anything distinctive in the relationships that Christians have with one another when compared to relationships that other people have? Should there be a difference?

2. What is your immediate reaction when somebody talks about ‘obedience’?3. Can you think of a Christian whose positive example has stood out to you in the workplace (either a boss or a

fellow-employee)?

A. At home: Till Death Us Do Part… We begin in verses 18 and 19, which focus on marriage, and they must be read very much together. Look also at Eph-esians 5:22-33 to see Paul filling in some gaps.

• What does Paul mean by “as is fitting in the Lord”?[All Christian relationships must be considered from the standpoint of our basic relationship with Christ. Paul places unprecedented value on marriage and family and wants to see the very best achieved in those relationships. There is nothing whatsoever negative in any of his designs.]

• Christ’s relationship with the church is presented as a model for Christian marriage. Discuss what that picture looks like for both parties.

[Christ held nothing back for himself – he gave his life up for the church. In return, he asks that we give ourselves up completely for him]


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When Paul urges wives to submit, in what pattern of relationship is he expecting that they will submit? [See esp. Ephesians 5:25 & Galatians 3:28 – this in no

way implies anything less than complete equality]Is there any room for a husband to take advantage of a wife’s submission? Why not?

[Christ models no self-seeking for a husband to emulate]Why do you think that secular society has such difficulty with this type of commitment?

[If people see these instructions as negative, the chances are that they have not understood them properly!]

B. At home: Happy families!

Again, verses 20 and 21 must be taken together (and again, Paul gives slightly more direction in Ephesians 6:1-4). • In God’s plan for us, parents are given privileges to exercise as they lead their children to live and grow in holy

ways. If a parent acts in obedience to God, does Paul’s expectation of obedience to children pose any prob-lems?

• In the parallel passage in Ephesians 6, Paul refers to Deuteronomy 5:16, reminding us that the command to ‘honour our father and mother’ comes with a promise. Do you think that there is a difference between obey-ing and honouring?

Even if our parents are not obedient to God themselves, can we still honour them?

• Fathers (by which we can understand ‘parents’) are instructed not to embitter (or exasperate) their children. How might we fall into the trap of embittering our children?

[Think about the differences between effective and excessive discipline]What are the dangers of being overbearing, controlling or repressive to our children?How can we model grace to our children in such a way as they see a reflection of Christ in

it?

C. Away: At work…Paul says a bit more here about the importance of slaves (for slaves, read employees) behaving appropriately towards their masters (for masters, read employers) and vice versa. This takes us from 3:22–4:1. The parallel is in Ephesians is 6:5-9. (It is important to recognise that Paul is not here offering a justification for slavery, nor even condoning it. Such questions are not remotely in his view. He is simply speaking into the contemporary situation in which his readers found themselves.)

• What does Paul mean when he says that we should not merely pay ‘eye-service’ to our employers?[We should not do anything for external appearances only]

In the workplace, are Christians (disciples) serving human beings? Who then?

• People will often justify their choices / actions in the workplace with lines like “I just do it for the money” or to fulfil their own personal ambition. Are those motives still legitimate for Christians?

What is Paul saying should be behind a disciple’s motives in anything? [Verse 24]

• In the way that we act towards our employers or employees, Paul has a word of caution. What is it?[You will reap what you sow! v.25]

• Is any less expected of employers?[4:1 - their model is none less than Jesus himself.]

ALLOW TIME FOR GOD TO MINISTER TO YOU AS YOU EXAMINE YOURSELVES AND ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHERScrutinising our personal lives and relationships can often be both difficult and painful. For that reason, make sure that you give plenty of space to prayer and supporting one another this week.Invite God’s Holy Spirit to shine his spotlight into your marriages, your family lives and your relationships and patterns of behaviour at work.Try to be vulnerable before one another and accountable to one another. This can be difficult in larger groups, so con-sider breaking off into 2’s or 3’s to pray.


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