s2s rally pamphlet
DESCRIPTION
Find out what all the fuss is about and how you can sponsor Sven and Lars on their SwedishTRANSCRIPT
A Plan Forms...“Nothing gives the English more pleasure, in a quiet but determined sort of way, than to do things oddly.” - Bill Bryson
Like aLL good ideas, i thought it up in
the bath.
“i want to go on a raLLy.”
“you what? i can’t hear you very
weLL.”
“i said, i want to go on a raLLy. i’m
reading this book you see about a race at
the beginning of…”
“it sounds Like there’s water running or
something. you’LL have to shout.”
i shouted.
“weLL... what sort of raLLy? i stiLL
can’t hear you. you’re not in the bath
again are you?”
“possibLy. yes.”
“ring me when you’re out of the bath.”
. . .
i caLLed back an hour Later, dripping.
“i’ve booked us both a pLace on the
‘czech wrecks’ banger endurance raLLy
from caLais to prague.”
“righty ho.” said chris, under the mistaken, but fortunateLy temporary as-
sumption that he was an enid bLyton character. “it sounds Like joLLy good fun…
prague’s not very far at aLL though is it, can’t we make it a LittLe bit further?”
and that was how it began, exactLy Like that, not a smidgen of embeLLishment, (which admittedLy, we are both prone to).
anyway, i digress. “why stockhoLm?” you might weLL
ask. simpLe, the voLvo, bLess her, is getting on
a bit. we thought it onLy fair to give her one Last
gLimpse of the country of her birth. bought as a skip
on wheeLs for the sharrad famiLy’s seemingLy LimitLess
suppLy of junk, she’s had a hard few years. the brakes
bind, the cLutch cLonks, the headLights fLicker and
when you Least want it to do so, the fan beLt starts
to waiL Like a wounded banshee. in the Land of
gargantuan cheLsea tractors that is sevenoaks
high street, she’s beginning to Look her
age. back to sweden! Land of fLat-pack
furniture, pickLed herrings, abba
and the true home of the four-
wheeLed swedish brick.
The facTs of The maTTer...The rouTe
england, france, swiTzerland, iTaly, ausTria, germany, The czech republic, germany (again), poland, sweden, denmark, germany (once more) The neTherlands, belgium, france and back To blighTy! (subjecT To change in The evenT of serious mechanical or emoTional breakdown.)
The idioTs
Two local scoundrels wiTh a passion for The absurd and a chariTable naTure. The sauna
a g-reg volvo 240 wiTh 186,000 on The clock. pine-clad and wiTh all The home comforTs you’d expecT from a scandinavian sTeamroom. The reason
To raise much needed funds for samanTha dickson brain Tumour TrusT (and because we fancy an advenTure).
skip To page 6 To find ouT how you can help!
the voLvo (pre-saunafication)
with its proud owner (asLeep on top)
a LittLe bit of history
The Adventureres
a scoundreL, a bLackguard, a cheat and a Liar, christopher Quinn wiLkinson is
about as trustworthy as he Looks.
born in sidcup but raised in the wiLds of tonbridge, chris spent a carefree youth
canoeing, dissecting tadpoLes and hiding up trees from herds
of cows (no buLL you understand, just cows).
between 1996 and 2003, chris, Like tom, attended tun-
bridge weLLs grammar schooL for boys, but due to teenage
Love rivaLries the two seLdom spoke.
through his itaLianate good Looks, chris was abLe to find
empLoyment in a swathe of pasta restaurants after Leaving
schooL and occasionaLLy, through force of habit, puts oregano
in everything, incLuding the bath.
after graduating from Lancaster university in 2007 with
a degree in (amongst other things) contemporary modern
dance, chris spent a year as far afieLd as bournemouth and
croydon before retiring to sevenoaks, where he has recentLy
been seen wearing sLippers, growing his own vegetabLes
and Listening to radio 4.
contrary to popuLar beLief, and by his own admission, chris is not itaLian.
this is not refLected in his driving.
...CHRISTOPHER Q. WILKINSON...
impuLsive traveLLer, aspiring writer and utterLy terribLe bob dyLan impressionist
thomas henry sharrad is weLL known to his friends, famiLy and indeed the LocaL con-
stabuLary as the instigator of aLL projects and expeditions
of a siLLy, improbabLe or downright dangerous nature.
coming from a dubious Line of hoarders, haggLers and bodg-
ers tom is aLways aLways eager to acQuire yet more “stuff”
- recent purchases have incLuded a rowing boat, an ancient
rusty convertibLe and a persian rug. for an inteLLigent
person tom can be astoundingLy thick.
with a c.v. as Long (and about as interesting) as a bank
hoLiday monday on the m25, tom now cLaims to have found
empLoyment at a mysterious russian aviation magazine.
after Learning to weLd, cook and dismantLe ceiLings at
schooL tom invented his own degree at university, eventu-
aLLy graduating in a mixture of history, engLish, french
and basic bibLicaL hebrew. he has a penchant for tunnock’s
tea cakes (in fact, aLL food) and is aLLegedLy, though not
necessariLy, writing a book about european communism. he is terrified of kippers.
the veteran of the team, tom through his ownership of over 60 cars has amassed a
grand totaL of no hours raLLy driving experience.
...THOMAS H. SHARRAD...
The Adventurers“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” - Mark Twain
Enough of this, read on for the route...
Directions “The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.” - Rudyard Kipling
The Route
from davos to the steLvio pass
voted best driving road in the worLd
by top gear in 2007. they weren’t
driving a pine-cLad voLvo estate.
weLL, this is the route oLd bean. it’s
not pretty, no. it’s not very LogicaL
either, and it’s certainLy not to scaLe.
it’s around-about 4000 miLes (that’s
bone fide british miLes you understand,
not namby pamby continentaL kiLometers)
and it takes us through some pretty ex-
citing terrain. we’ve picked out a few
of the highLights for you but you’LL
have to foLLow our actuaL progress on the
bLog...
czech wrecks - in brief
starts: caLais
finishes: prague
Length: 1500 miLes
time: 4 days
competitors: 100ish
car:<£100
back roads from prague to jested
there’s a communist hoteL on a moun-
tain just north of prague. it’d be
siLLy not to spend a night there.
autobahn a
bandon
we’
re counting on that Legendary teuton-
ic sense of humour when we take our sauna
on the autobahn. Look f
ritz, no hans!
gdansk – nynashamn by ferry
we’d factored in eight hours for the
ferry crossing from gdansk to nynashamn.
it takes eighteen, on a good run.
Heaps more of this sort of nonsense on the website. . .
Rally HQThe real way to travel! The only way to travel! O bliss! O poop-poop! O my! O my! - Mr Toad
Mr T SharradRally HQ10 Coombe AvenueSevenoaksKentTN14 5DX June 2009Dear Tom and Chris,To take part in the Czech Wrecks Banger Endurance Rally is craziness in itself … but to at-tempt your 14-day challenge whilst only dressed in Egyptian brushed cotton is clearly taking fundraising to a completely new level!Your charity challenge is both exciting and challenging, and I have nothing but admiration for you both for not only considering your Sevenoaks to Stockholm adventure but for also deciding to make it a reality and supporting Samantha Dickson Brain Tumour Trust.As you will know, each year in the UK 6,500 people are diagnosed with a primary brain tu-mour including 450 children. Brain cancer is the biggest cancer killer of children and adults under 40 in the UK.Samantha Dickson Brain Tumour Trust spends around £1m per year on top-quality scientific and clinical research and is the leading charity dedicated to brain tumours in the UK. In addition, the trust provides individualised, ongoing support and information covering low grade, high grade and paediatric brain tumours for people who live with brain tumours and their families, carers and friends. It is very much our vision to continue to improve understanding, diagnosis and treatment of brain tumours and, ultimately, to find a cure for brain cancer. Support from people like you will make all the difference!So I wish you every success in HMS Stockholm and must thank you, again, for supporting such a worthy cause in such an insane way! I do hope that a change of towels is part of your plan.With best wishes,
Avril RobinsonHead of Fundraising
Why?We’ve chosen SDBTT for a number of reasons. There are a few personal connections, some very close indeed and we felt it would be an appropriate cause to further, albeit in our own small and somewhat idiosyncratic way. We hope you’ll agree it’s worthy of your support.
We need serious help...“As for risks, I assure you I never take them, my nerve is that of a middle aged stockbroker.” - Robert Byron: Adventurer, in a letter to his Mum.
PRESS? MEDIA?
think your readers or Listeners might be
interested in what we’re doing?
we’d Love to hear from you! we can pro-
vide editoriaL materiaL, photographs and
make ourseLves avaiLabLe for interview
with a pine-cLad sauna in tow (hopefuLLy
not on tow...) emaiL: [email protected]
caLL: 07764498380 / 07951336470
Corporate SponsorshipIt hasn’t escaped our attention
that there’s a lot of advertis-
ing space on a Volvo Estate and
we’re also expecting quite a few
visitors to our website. Perhaps
we can come to an arrangement?
Naturally, we’d like a donation
towards our cause or perhaps
some practical assistance along
the lines of the things we’ve sug-
gested above. If you think you
can help, drop us an email:
THINGS WE DESPERATELY NEED (aside from lots of sponsorship money)
- Parts and servicing for our Sauna.- Timber and fixings.- Professional advice on how to clad a Volvo in pine.- An old in-car CD player (or a new one for that matter...)- Publicity: all sorts, shapes & sizes.- Rations (we’re camping).- Moral support (visit our website/blog or join our mailing list).- A psychiatrist. - Fuel (if you’re listening Mr British Petroleum).
Make our Year: Help us Raise £5000 for SDBTT Individual DonationThe single most important thing you can do today is to visit our website, click on the ‘Just Giving’ link and make a donation. It’s fast, secure and it will give you a wonderful warm feeling inside. Dig deep chums, it’s a worthy cause.(If you don’t have access to a computer we can accept donations in person by cash and cheque.)
Corporate SponsorshipWill your business be sponsoring the Sevenoaks to Stockholm Rally? In return we can put your logo on our car, press releases and website. With 4000 miles to travel and ten countries to camp in, we’re looking for some practical assistance: we need parts, servicing and spares for the Volvo un-derneath, along with timber, glue and fixings for the Sauna on top. If you think you can help us out please don’t hesitate to get in contact:[email protected]: 07764498380 Chris: 07951336470
www.sevenoakstostockholm.co.uk
haroLd the turkey,
team mascot and gen-
eraL ne’er-do-weLL.
Keep track of our progress, nominate a rally song, see the Sauna and read the ‘Full Steam Ahead!’ blog, all at:
the idiots, foLLowing
their successfuL attempt
to row across tonbridge
park during a fLood.