s. l. viehl - illumination

7/29/2019 S. L. Viehl - Illumination

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2

FormyfriendJessie,

computergoddess,crashsavior,anddaydreambeliever,

whowantedtoheartheothersideofthestory.


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3EncryptedFile

092002573

ShesleepsasIwritethis.

Herquartersarefarfrommyown,butIhavenotplantedanyrecordingdronesto

watchher.CloseproximityandremotesurveillancehaveneverbeennecessaryIhave

beenawareofherfromthefirst,andtheconnectionbetweenusgrowsstrongereach

day.Sheisunawareofit,ordeliberatelyignoresit.

Icannot.Sheisalwayswithmenow.

Ihaveneverestablishedaconnectionasintenseorofsuchlastingdurationas

this.Thedetailisastonishing;whenIconcentrate,Icanfeeltheadrenalinpumpingin

herveinsandtheprecisefocusofherthoughtsassheworks.Mylimbsachewiththe

ghostweightofherexhaustionaftershefinishesadoubleshiftinMedical.Icancount

herbreaths,smellherscent,andoccasionallytomydismayeventastewhatshe

eats.

Throughher,IhavediscoveredneedsthatIneverknewexisted.Theytwist

insideme,thesepeculiar,foreigndemandsandIamalmostcertaintheyarenot

comingfromher.TheoldpriestArembel,whocaredfortheinjuredafterboutsinthe

arena,oncetoldmehowitcouldbe,butIdidnotexpectthis.

Ididnotexpecther.

Ireachedintohersubconscioustonight,andforthefirsttime,Isawwhatshe

dreams.Iassumedthatsuchadedicatedsurgeonwoulddreamofpatientsand

instrumentsandprocedures,andbracedmyselftobeill.Instead,Iwalkedwithher


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4underpurple-leafedtreesinthemoonlightthesamegroveswhereonedied,and

anotherwassaved.

Thegooddoctordreamsofme.

IhaveaccessedtheTerrandatabasedozensoftimes,andstudiedthepertinent

psychologicaldata.ContrarytooldArembelssuperstitions,itindicatesthatwhatIhave

felt,andwhatIcontinuetoexperienceistheproductofanemotionalfixation.Ana

Hansen,theempathicTerranadministratoronKevarzangiaTwo,alsobelievedthe

same.

Iamnotconvinced.Iamhuman,butIhaveneverpossessedhumanemotions.

IhavetriedeverymentaltechniqueIknowtoterminatethisconnectionbetween

us,butitcannotbesevered.Icannotridmyselfofher.

Imustdecidewhattodotonight.

#

IfIcouldchangeanything,Iwouldreturntothatmoment,morethantwoyears

agonow,whenthedecisionwasmadetosendmebacktospyonmykind.Iwouldgo

backandaskhimnottosendme.

Atthetime,however,Iwasmorethanwilling.

YoumustgotoKevarzangiaTwo,HalaVar.

Iwatchedmyreptilianbloodbrotherpacearoundthecommandconsole.

TssVarstailthrashedwithagitation,butIsuspectedthatwasduetotheemergency

signalfromthesub-Hanar,thesecond-mostpowerfulmemberoftheHsktsktFaction.

Signalsfromthehomeworldrarelybroughtgoodnews;politicians,almostnever.


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5"Indeed."Idislikedassociatingwithotherhumanoids,butifhewasplanningto

raidaheavily-populatedregion,Iwouldhavetogo.HowmayIserveusefulamong

fodder?

Yourtalents,alongwiththecredentialswehavefalsified,willenableyoutopose

asacoloniallinguist.Hisyelloweyesmetmine.Thereareconcernsaboutmilitary

activityintheregion.ThePmocQuadrantisheavilypopulatedbymulti-species

colonies.Commandwantsdataontheirstrengths,weaknesses,andpotentialdefense

capabilities.Leaguemembersareclaimingtoomanyworldsintheborderterritories

throughtradeandtreaty,andwherecolonistsplantthemselves,troopsfollow.

ThatwasextremelyunwiseoftheAlliedLeagueofWorlds,giventhattheHsktskt

hadbeenraidingjustoutsidethatQuadrantforsometimeandconsidereditpartoftheir

territory.Thesub-Hanarsuspectsamobilization?

Thesub-Hanarsuspectseverything.TssVarhandedmeadisc.Hereisthe

latestintelligence.Youleavetomorrow.

IexaminedthediscasIformulatedaproperlyreluctantresponse.Idonotknow

howeffectiveIwillprove.Ihavenotlivedamongwarm-bloodsfordecades.Theshort

timethatIhad,theyhadincarceratedme.

Youhavethegiftofadaptationthatourotherscoutslack.Isuspectyoumaybe

stationedawayfromusforsometime.TssVarbrieflyclampedatalonedhandonmy

shoulder,aHsktsktgesturethatexpressedfarmorethancommiserationorsympathy.I

willknowyourabsence,brother.

Heowedmehislife,andactuallytreatedmelikeatruesibling.Hewouldfeel

differently,hadheknownthatIwasthetraitorsabotagingHsktsktraidsandslave


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6transportsforthepasttenrevolutions.Iknewifheeverdiscoveredmyduplicity,TssVar

wouldtearoutmythroatwithhisownteethandclaws.

AndIyours.Irose,salutedhim,andwithdrewtomyquarters.

Ihadwaitedalongtimeforsuchanassignment.Operatingaloneoutside

Factionterritorywouldallowmeunparalleledfreedom,yetIfeltleeryofdwellingamong

humanoids.Ihadbeenisolatedfrommynativespeciesfrombirth,andhadservedasa

HsktsktLordandadoptedmemberoftheFactionsincemyadolescence.Everyother

speciesIencounteredwereeitherslavesorslavers,soinasenseTssVarandhisline

weretheonlyfamilyIhadeverknown.

TheonlyhumanoidsIknewwereslaves.

Ifeltnoloyaltytomybloodbrother,nortothefewofmykindwhomIhelped

escapefromtheFaction.Imerelysoughtbalanceforwhathadbeendonetome.I

betrayedtheHsktsktforthethreerevolutionstheyhadforcemetofightinslaverarenas.

SavinglivesseemedthemostadequateexpiationforthemanyIhadtaken.

Hala!Hala!

Myowner,acenturonwithaheavyfistwholikedtobeatherslavesasmuchas

sheenjoyedstarvingthem,hadgivenmethatnameafterIbegankillingonthesands.

HercroniessoontooktochantingiteverytimeIenteredthearena,andmyreputation

forefficiencybegandrawingcrowds.

HalainthereptilianstonguemeantDeath,anddeathiswhatIgavethem.

Ikilledanyoneandanythingtheyputonthesandswithme,untilthedaya

HsktsktLordfellbetweenmeandmyopponent.Withoutthinking,IshieldedTssVar

fromakillingblow.Bydoingso,Iinadvertentlythwartedarathercleverassassination


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7attemptbyoneofhismoreambitioussubordinates.TheHsktsktLordwasquickly

rescued,andlaterorderedthatIbebroughttohim.

Iexpectedtobeinterrogatedandperhapskilled,soseeinghimkneelbeforeme

toremovemychainswassomethingofashock.

YouwillbecalledHalaVar,hesaid,andbowedtome.Warriorofdeath.

TssVardidmorethanfreemeandgivemeaformalname.Hemademea

Factioncitizenandtookmeintohisownline,makingmeamemberofhisimmediate

family.Hetrainedmetoenterthemilitary,andhadmeassignedtohiscommand.My

questforbalanceandmypositionasTssVarsbloodbrotherhadtakenmefromthe

sandsofthearenaintotheranksofthemostpowerfulraiderdivisionwithintheFaction.

IhadnotanticipatedinfiltratingtheHsktskttosuchalevel,andIwasabletodomuchto

sabotagetheFactionfromwithin.Ihadevenbegunplanningwhattodoaboutthe

variousslaverdepotworldsunderFactioncontrol.

Plansthatwouldhavetowait,nowthattheyweresendingmebacktospyon

theirfutureslaves.

Therewasnoquestionofwhattodo.IfIwassuccessful,Iwouldmakeaplace

formyselfamongthewarm-blooded.Iwouldanalyzetheirdefensesandtheirarmed

forces,thenrelayenoughfalseinformationaboutbothtospareKevarzangiaTwoand

theotherinhabitedworldsinitssystem.

IfIfailed,Istillhadoneotheroption.

#

Idecidedtoresorttothatoptionayearlater.

Youshouldeatsomething,monami.


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8 IhadnotbeenlongonK-2beforeIencounteredLisetteDubois,afemaleTerranI

hadknownduringabriefenrollmentataneducationalfacilityonourhomeworld.She

madeitapparentthatshestillretainedtheoddaffectionshehaddisplayedtowardme

duringouryouth,whichpuzzledme.Thehumanpenchantfornostalgiaalwaysdid.

AlthoughconsumingTerranfoodsheldlittleappealformemypalatehadlong

agoadaptedtonon-humanfareIuseditasanexcusetostopatLisettescafseveral

timesperweek.Shehadprovedtobeanexcellentsourceofinformationaboutnew

transfers.

ShewasalsotheclosestthingIhadtoafriend.

Ionlyhavetimeforcafnoir.Isatatanemptytable,positionedbetweentwo

groupsoftransportworkerswiththeirsnoutsburiedinenormousbowlsofcolorful

choppedplants.DecidingwhereandhowIwouldcompletemymissionwouldonlytake

afewminutes.Didyouwishtospeakwithme?

Ihaveabettertimetalkingtomyselfthesedays.Shebroughtmeacupofbitter

darkliquid,oneofthefewitemsonhermenuIgenuinelyenjoyed.Manymaleeyes

followedher,asshewasquitetall,shapely,andattractivelycoloredforaTerran.If

youarenotcareful,Duncan,somedayyouwillopenyourmouthtosaysomethingand

onlydustwillflyout.

IshouldhavereviewedTerranconversationalstandardsmorecarefully,butnow

therewasnoreasontodoso.Irarelyhaveanythingofinteresttotellyou.Icouldnot

tellherwhatIwasplanningtodo.

Pffft,youseeitisalreadyhappening.Lisettewavedahandinfrontofmyface

andthenleftmetotendtoagroupofnewcustomers.


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9 Ifeltnohesitationattheprospectofmyfinaloption.Ididnotwishtoreturntothe

Faction;TssVarwouldeventuallydiscovermydeceptionandkillme.IfIsought

sanctuaryfromtheLeague,Iwouldlikelybecompelledtorevealmypreviousactivities.

Theywouldeitherimprisonme,orusemetospyontheHsktskt.SincecomingtoK-2,I

hadpassedonlyfalseorexaggeratedinformationtotheFaction,butIcouldnot

continuetodosoindefinitely.TssVarwouldsoonrecallmetoscoutanother,more

profitablesystem.

IhadnotachievedthebalanceIhadsought,butIcouldnotgoonpretendingthat

Iwould.IwouldneversaveasmanylivesasIhadtakeninthearena.WhatIhaddone

wouldhavetobeenough.

Itwastime.

ObtainingwhatIneededpresentedaminorproblem.Iownedseveralpulse

weapons,butusingthemwouldtriggerthecolonysurfacesecuritygrid.Subsequent

medicalattentionmightfoilmyattempt,soitwouldnotbeadvisabletouseanyweapon

whichmightsummonassistance.IdislikedthethoughtofusingabladeIhadseen

manydothesameintheslavecagesbeforearenagames,andittooktoolong.

Ipreferredsomethingmoreefficient.

Themostlogicalsolutionwaschemical,butasIhadnoknowledgeofdrugsor

accesstomedicalstores,itwouldbedifficulttoobtainthem.TheBartermenmight

possesswhatIneededtoaccomplishthetask,butIwasnotinclinedtotradewiththem

forwhatIcouldstealmyself.WhatIneededtoknowwastheprecisecompoundand

amountthatwouldbringaswiftresolution.Iwouldhavetoaccessthemedicaldatabase

andmakeadiscreetinquiry,thenvisittheFreeClinictoretrievethedrugs.


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10SatisfiedthatIhadfoundthepropersolutiontomyproblem,Ifinishedmycoffee,

andwaspreparingtoleavewhenIbecameawareofsomethingstrange.

Someonewasnear.Someonelikeme.

Myyearsinthearenahadhelpedmedevelopakindofproximitysense,a

defenseagainstunexpectedassaultsorattackswhileIwasasleep.Thiswaslikethat

sensation...butatthesametime,itwasnot.Iconcentrated,openingmymindinorder

tolocatethesource.

Hereweare,afamiliarfemalevoicesaid.LisetteDuboissfosterfamilyowned

arestaurantinParis.

IsawAdministratorAnaHansenescortinganunfamiliarTerranfemalethrough

thecaf.Thestrangewomanwasquiteshort,barelyfivefeetinheight,andverythin.

Sheworeherdarkhairinawovencable,clippedagainstthebackofherhead.Herhair

appearedclean,ifsomewhatinneedofbettergrooming,andtherewasanovercasttoit

afaint,silversheenIhadonlyseenamongelderlyTerrans.Yetfromthetextureofher

skin,Iassumedshewasquiteyoung.Herfeaturesbetrayedsomeelusiveethnic

ancestryIcouldnotidentify.

ThelittleTerranfemalenoticedagroupnearmytable,andasshewatchedthem

thecornersofhermouthwentupshesmiled,Icorrectedmyselfbeforeshe

encounteredmyowngaze.

Ididnotfindherparticularlyattractiveinanyphysicalsenseshehadasmuch

allureasamalnourishedchildandAdministratorHansenspresenceindicatedshewas

anewtransfertothecolony.Ialwaysavoidedhumanslikeher,butIfeltacompulsion

tocontinuewatchingher.Iwantedtospeaktoherandlearnhername.

YetIhadnojustificationfortheinterest.


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11Herexpressionchangedasshereturnedthevisualassessment.Ofallher

physicalcharacteristics,herdarkblueeyeswerethemostremarkable.Hergazewas

directandintent,almostfearless.Sheappearedperfectlyatease,incommandofthe

situation.However,shedidnotfeelasconfidentbehindthatcarefullyschooled

countenance.

Sheisafraid.

Shemayhavebeenunconsciouslyprojectingheremotions.TheonlywayIcould

besurewouldbetogotoherandplacemyhandsonher.Ionlytouchedanotherbeing

toestablishatelepathiclinktothatindividualsspeechcenter,andIalreadythoroughly

comprehendedallTerrannativelanguages.IdoubtedIcouldactivelyprobehermind.I

hadnotbeensuccessfulwiththeHsktskt,butIhadneverhadmuchopportunityor

desiretolinkinsuchanintimatemannerwithotherhumanoids.PerhapsifIcould

strengthentheinvoluntaryconnectionbetweenus,itwouldhelpmeunderstandwhat

shewas,andwhyshewasafraid.

Myownthoughtsbewilderedme.Thereisnoreasontoforthis. Ididntcarehow

shefelt.Ourpresentsituationdidnotjustifyeventhemostlimitedphysicalcontact.

Shecouldgivemenothingofuse.EvenasIacknowledgedthat,IstillwonderedWhy

issheafraid?AmIfrighteningher?

Thatwaswhenastrangevisioncametome.

IsawthesmallTerran,dresseddifferently,standingbeforeme.Wewerealone

inanagriculturalareawhereIhadoftenworked.Allofmyattentionwasfocusedonher.

Aviolentdeterminationfilledme,andItookherwristsinmyhands.Icouldfeelthethin

delicatebonesshiftasIliftedherhandsuptomyface.Iwasfocusingonher,reaching

intogather


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12Thevisionvanished,andIreturnedtothepresent,intimetoseetheTerran

femalereactwithasmallstartofastonishment.InthatmomentIknewshewasnota

telepath,orevenawareofherprojectedemotionsandyetsomehow,shehadshared

thevision.Itseemedprecognitive,aglimpseintothefuture,asifwewerebothseeing

whatwouldhappenbetweenus.

Ifso,itseemedthatIwouldnotbecommittingsuicidetoday,afterall.

#

IremainedatadistanceandlistenedasAnaperformedintroductionsbetween

myfriendandthenewcomer.

ThisisDr.CherijoGreyVeil,theadministratortoldLisette.

CherijoGreyVeil.Irepeatedthenamesilently,severaltimes,searchingthrough

thethousandsoflanguagesIhadlearnedforanycorrelation.Mosthumanoidspecies

areonlycapableofacertainrangeofsounds,anddespitethediversityofthegalaxy,

oftenusedthesamearrangementsofsoundstoformwords.Thevarietyandcontrastof

meaningsfromracetoraceweremyriad,butIhadneverheard cher-ee-joh-greh-vael

usedbefore.

Forsomereasonthatannoyedme.

However,hertitleincreasedmyinterest.CherijoGreyVeilwasaphysician,and

physicianshadaccesstounlimitedamountsofdrugs.Givenmypresentneed,that

wouldproveuseful.AsfortheunprecedentedhallucinationIhadexperienced,Idecided

todismissitasamomentaryaberration.Ididnotbelieveinprecognition,andIwould

killmyselfwhenIchose.Itwouldhavenothingtodowiththisstrangefemalebeyond

coercinghertogetmethechemicalcompoundsIrequired.


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13ThedoctorseemeddauntedbyLisette,forallsheofferedasagreetingwasa

simple,Hello.Hervoicewasevenlypitchedbutnotparticularlymelodic.

IcouldseethatLisettedidnotlikeher,buttheFrenchwomandislikedmost

humanfemales.Particularlythosewhoremindedherofhowtallshewas.Youworkat

theFreeClinic?

Dr.GreyVeilwasasurgeonbackonTerra,Anasaid.

Thedoctorslipscurleduponcemore.Yes,it'ssafetogivemeaknife.

Ittookamomentformetoregisterherremarkasajoke.Irarelyfoundhuman

humoragreeable,buthersseemedfarlessoffensivethanthethinly-disguisedalien

bigotryIdheardmostTerransindulgein.Whywassheresortingtoitnow?Wasitto

maskherunease?

Itdoesntmatterhowshefeels,Iremindedmyself.AllIneedtoverifyiswhere

shehasbeenassigned,andifIcanuseher. Irosefrommychairandmademyway

overtothewomen.

IwastellingDr.GrayVailaboutyourincomparablecroissants,Anawassaying

asIjoinedthem.

Perhapshumorwouldbethebestmethodwithwhichtoentertheconversation.

Hasthecouncilinstitutedahealthboard?Iasked.

Allthreewomenregardedmewithvaryingdegreesofsurprise.Lisettes

expressionswiftlyturneddarkandunwelcoming.AnaHansenlookedfrommetothe

othertwowomen,andseemedsomewhatconfused.

Theobjectofmyinterestshowedlittleoutwardreaction.Shetiltedherhead,and

hereyelidsnarrowedafraction,butthatwasall.Thisclose,Icouldclearlysensemore

ofheremotionsanger,discomfort,andsomethingmore.EvidentlyIwasirritatingher


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14asmuchasshewasannoyingme.However,Ididnotfrightenher.Somethingelsehad

donethat.

No,Duncan,Dr.GreyVeilisanewlytransferredphysician.Anaturnedtoher

companion.Cherijo,thisisDuncanReever,ourchieflinguist.

IglancedatLisette,whonowviewedmeasthechiefcauseofherdispleasure.

Duncan,goaway.Shereturnedtohercounter,callingbacktoAna,Sitdown,Iwill

bringyoucafaulait.

Thedoctorseemedpoisedtoleave,soImadeanotherhumorousremark,hoping

itwouldtempthertoenterintoconversationwithme.Don'tmindLisette.Shedislikes

competition.

Anabecamemoreconfused.Competition?

Cherijosattentiondriftedawayasshestudiedthelandscaping.Sincethere

werefewphysicianswillingtoworkintheterritories,itwaspossibleshewasonlyhere

forashortperiodoftime.IwouldhavetobemoredirectifIwantedtoobtainthe

informationIneeded.

Lisetteconsidersanyoneunderthirtyandbreathingcompetition,Anna,Isaid,

quitetruthfully.Doctor,whendoyouestimateyou'llreturntoTerra?

Idon't.Herslimhandmovedinthedirectionofanemptytable.Shallwesit

down,Ana?

Ijoinedthemwithoutwaitingforaninvitation.Myproximityseemedtobe

disturbingtheadministrator,whoselimitedmentalabilitiesIdencounteredonthefew

occasionsshedtriedtosensemyemotions.IhadneverinformedherthatIpossessed

none.


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15ChieflinguistReever,apleasuretomeetyou.Thedoctorgavemeasmile,but

itwasnotaswelcomingastheoneshehadofferedLisette.Shedidntlikeme.Please

excuseus.

Ihadanirrationaldesiretohearhersaymygivenname.CallmeDuncan.Her

irritationintriguedme;Irarelyprovokedanyreactionfromotherhumansbeyondthe

usualindifferenceordisgust.Herfaceseemedunremarkable,buttheunderlyingbone

structurewasfascinating.Eventhisclose,Icouldnotpreciselyclassifyhersubspecies.

You'renotCaucasian,areyou?

MypatriarchalgenealogyisendemictoNorthAmerica,shetoldme.Apache,

someNavajo,aswell.MymatriarchoflineageislistedasCaucasian.

Shehadnotknownhermother,andshewashidingsomething.Listedas?

Myfathercontractedaprofessionalsurrogate.SheseemedangrythatIhad

compelledhertoadmitwhatwas,amongTerrans,anacceptedformofreproduction.

Irecalledthathumansusuallyformedemotionalattachmentstotheirparents.

Perhapssheregrettedthelackofamaternalinfluenceinheryouth.Terransplaced

greatvalueinthepurityoftheirDNA,soitseemedoddthatshedidnotknowfrom

whomshehadinheritedhalfherchromosomes.Apityyourmatriarchallineis

undefined.

Mymaternalancestry,andmylackofknowledgeaboutit,hasnoeffectonmy

life.Moreangerandoddly,thatindefinablesecrecychangedhervocaltone.It

doesn'tmatter.

Hownaveshewastothinkasshedid,toleavethesafetyofherhomeworldfor

regionscompletelyunknowntoher.Therewereplanetsshecouldnevervisitwithout

seriousrisktoherlife.Onthisworld.


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16Sheliftedherchin.Idon'tunderstandwhatyoumean.

Duncan,wedohavealimitedintervalhere.Theadministratorsounded

apologetic.

IthoughtoftheTganru,whoseiriseschangedcolorwhentheybecameinfected

byacertaincerebralparasite,whichalsodrovethemmad.Onthefifthplanetofa

systemtwolightyearsaway,you'dberituallysacrificedforhavingthoseeyes.

Really?Shepaled.Howinteresting.

Yes.Theoldscarsonthebacksofmyhandsburnedasanotherspontaneous

needsurfacedinsideme.ButIwouldneverallowthattohappentoyou. Ihadtoget

awayfromherbeforeIsaidsomethingfoolish.Irosetomyfeet.Excusemyintrusion,

Ana.Dr.GreyVeil.

LisetteinterceptedmebeforeIlefttheTradingCenter.So,Duncan,youhave

finallyfoundawomanwhointerestsyou.Ihadnotthoughtitpossible.

Thephysician?Sheisshortanddisagreeable.

Youaretallanddisagreeable.Itisthematchmadeinheaven.Shesounded

sulky,butshelookedverydistressed.Iwouldbehappyforyou,youknow,monami.

IhadnotrealizedhowdeepLisettesaffectionformehadbecome.Shehadno

ideawhatIwas.Itouchedhercheek,andliedtoher.Youwillalwaysbemyfriend.

Lisettereturnedtohercounter,andIturnedmyheadtoseethelittledoctorstill

watchingme.

Ididnotwanttoleave.Nothingwouldhavepleasedmemorethantoreturnto

thetable,andtakeherarm,andforcehertoaccompanymetoamoreprivatelocation.I

wouldquestionheraboutthedrugsIneeded,thenmakehertellmehowshehad

inducedthatvisionorhallucinationorwhateveritwasthatwehadshared.Iwouldfind


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17outwhateversecretsshewashidingfromme.Therewouldbenoonetointerfere,and

noonetostopmefromputtingmyhandsonher.

Lisetteservedalightmealtothetwowomen,thenfrownedatme.Asmy

behaviorwasbeginningtodrawattentionfromothersaswell,Iturnedandwalkedback

tomyoffice.

Ihadtofindoutexactlywhoshewas.

#

IperformedathoroughinvestigationofDr.CherijoGreyVeil.Whataccessible

datatherewasonthecolonialdatabasewasscant,andtoldmenothingabouther

reasonsfortransferringtoK-2.Shehadpurchasedpassageonaprivatetraders

vessel,whichwassomewhatunusual,andhadtraveledalone,withnoother

passengers.IcheckedthepilotsregistrationandrecognizedtheOenrallianwhohad

providedtransportforherDhreenfrequentedtheRecreationCentermostnightsatthe

sametimeIwenttoexercise.

Hemightknowmoreaboutthedoctor.

AfterIcompletedmydayshiftatAdministration,Iwenttothecenterandtook

controlofoneofthefreechallengewhump-balltables.TheOenrallianarrivedand

watchedwithinterestasIdefeatedseveralconsecutiveopponentsbeforehestepped

uptothegloverack.

Attractedtoabout?heaskedmeinstanTerran.Hemighthavepassedforone

ofmykind,haditnotbeenforhisorangehair,redhorns,andyelloweyes.

Imattractedtofemales,Irepliedinhisnativelanguage.ButIwouldnotmind

acontestofskills.


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18 Sorry,Imeantnooffense.Dhreengrinned.Ididntknowyouspokemylingo,

andTerranis...herolledhiseyes.

Difficult,Iknow.Themetaphorsandanalogiesareendless.Ihandedhimthe

positionerandnoddedtowardthegloves.Rackthemup.

TheOenrallianwasanenthusiastic,ifsomewhatnoisyandimpulsiveplayer.I

allowedhimtowinthefirstgame,thentookthesecondwithwhatappearedtobeonlya

matterofluckwithmyfinalshot.Asweplayed,herelatedanecdotesofhisroutes,his

passengers,andsomeexceptionallyprofitabletrades.Hehadahealthyinterestin

females,soImadetheappropriate,slightlyribaldmaleresponsesandguidedthe

conversationtoanavenuewhichwouldinducehimtospeakofthedoctor.

WhenisyournextjauntbacktoTerra?

Idgobackinalungbeat,buttradethereislimited.Theywontlicensenon-

humansformasstrans,youknow.Hegavemeaspeculativelook.Youarentlooking

toreturn,areyou?

No.Iperformedaslightlycomplicatedshot,missedthepointonpurpose,and

setupthenextshotforhimtotaketheleadwithoutmucheffort.Ihavealreadyseen

thehomeworld.Thewomenarebeautiful,buttheyspittoomuch.

IjustbroughtinaTerranfemaletransfer.Hewaggledhisorangebrowsupand

down.Abitverbal,buteasyontheeyes.ShesadocoverattheFreeClinic.

Ipretendedtothink.Ihaveheardofhershehasanoddname,doesntshe?

ItsCherijo.Dhreentookpositionandsankhisshot.CherijoGreyVeil.Kindof

aprettyname,likepoetryorsomething.

IrecalledthetermsforrelationshipsamongtheOenrallian,butIdoubtedthepilot

wasinapositiontoformapermanentattachment.Doyouplantopursueheryourself?


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19Who,thedoc?HemadetheOenralliansoundofmirth,whichwasmuchlikea

humanhiccup.Idbewilling,butsheprobablywouldntevennoticemymoves.He

rubbedoneofhishorns.Youinterested?Icouldarrangeanintroduction.

Oenralliantradersneverdidanythingforfree,butIsuspectedthepilothad

reasonsotherthanprofitfortheoffer.Whywouldyoudothat?

Igetthefeelingthedocislonely,andIknowshesneverbeenaroundaliens

much.Oneofherownkindmightbegoodforher.Hestudiedthetable,thenme.

Shesspecial,youknow.NotlikeanyfemaleIveevermet.Shedeservessome

happiness.

Soshewasinneedofmalecompanionship.Icouldprovidethat.Tellmemore

abouther.

DhreenrelatedhowCherijohadfoundhiminatavern,andherquickagreement

topayaheftysumtobetransportedtoK-2.Hehadheardofherfather,afamous

medicalresearcher,andsuspectedshewastryingtogetawayfromhim.Hespokeof

theweekstheyhadspenttogetheronhisvessel,andhowquicklytheyhadbecome

friends.

Youknowwhenyoumeetafemale,youusuallyknowherlifestoryinsideofa

blip.Cherijoisntlikethat.Youneedprybarstogetanydetailsoutofher.Hetookhis

lastshot,andcrowedalittleashemadeitvirtuallyimpossibleformetowin.Ialsogot

thefeelingthatthedocscarryingsomeserioustroublesonhershoulders.Itriedtoget

hertoopenuptome,butshesnotmuchonconfiding.

Indeed.Itookposition,andexecutedthefinalshotofthegame,sinkingthree

spheresandtakingthewinandtheset.AsDhreensputteredinshock,Istrippedoffmy

glove.PerhapsIwillhavebetterluck.


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20 Thetransmissionimplantundermyforearmsentafaintpulse,warningmethata

messagefromTssVarwaswaitingbackinmyquarters.IthankedtheOenrallianforthe

gameandlefttheRecreationCenter.

#

TheencryptionusedbytheHsktsktOverLordcouldnotbebroken,butwhathe

hadrelayedhadmadenosense.

Ihaveleftthefleet.Ibringmymatewithme.Meetusatthesecoordinates.

Ialwayskeptasmalltransportshuttleonstandby,andwasabletoobtaina

launchslotwithoutmuchdifficulty.MakingtherendezvouswithTssVarononeofthe

moonswithouttriggeringthecolonialorbitalgridrequiredmorefinesseandanillegaltap

intoColonialSecuritysdatabase,butIslippedinunderthesatellitesensors.Themoon

wasthefifthlargestaroundtheplanet,heavilyscarredfromancientvolcanicactivityand

providedexcellentgroundcoverinwhichtohideashuttle.

Butwhyhadmybrothercomehere?Andwhyhadhebroughthismate?

Usingtheprearrangedcoordinates,Ilocatedandlandednexttohisshuttle.I

armedmyselfbeforemovingthroughthedockingportal,andenteredtheship.Itwasa

smallgstekclassraider,notthetypeoftransportusuallyprovidedforanOverLord.

Nsseerok!

IfoundmybloodbrotherandhismateUgessValockedinafiercestruggle.The

Hsktsktneverwrestledoutofplay;whentheyfoughttheyintendedtospillblood.Idrew

myweaponandleveleditatthejunctionbetweenUgessVasspineandherbrain.

BeforeIfired,Isawherabdomenripple,thenbulgeoutbeneathherthermaltunic.

Shewasbreeding.


21/131

21OverLord.QuicklyIholsteredmyweaponandgrabbedtwoofthefemales

limbsfrombehind.TryingtoholdherwasmuchliketryingtowrestleaTerranelephant,

butthedistractionallowedmybloodbrothertobreakherholdaroundhisneckand

overpowerherremaininglimbs.Wedraggedhertoarestrainingharnessandlocked

herdownintoplace.UgessVacursedbothofuswithpromisesofvicious,slow

dismemberment.

Istaredatherripenedbelly.Youdidnotknow?

No.Sheconcealeditfromme.Herblooddrippedfromhistalonsashestared

downather.WhenIdiscoveredherruse,Iremovedherfromtheflagshipand

attemptedtoputherintosleepsuspension.Shefoughtme.

Iamterm!shescreamedathim,baringallthejaggedrowsofhersharpteeth.

Youwillkillthebrood!

Betterthebroodthanwatchmymatefilletedalive!heshoutedbackather.

Hsktsktfemalesonactivemilitarydutyareforbiddentobreedandwerebeaten

todeaththemomenttheywerediscoveredtobepregnant.Breedingfemalesoften

resortedtoinstinctiveprotectivebehaviorduringdelivery,whilenewbornHsktsktinfants

willattackanythingaliveafterbirth.Bothmotherandyoungcouldonlybeattendedwith

greatcareandattentionthekindthatcouldnotbeprovidedonmilitaryvessels.

ItmadenodifferencethatUgessVasmatewasthecommanderofthefleet,the

lawwasthelaw.Therewerenoexceptions.

Exceptone.Ifshesuccessfullydeliversthebrood,Isaid,recallingthe

regulationsIhadmemorized,shewillbedismissedfromdutyandreturnedtothe

homeworld.


22/131

22Yes.ThatiswhyIbroughtherhere.TssVarclampedahandonmyarm.You

musthelpme.

Againhebroughthislifetome,andplaceditinmyhands.Notonlyhislifethis

timethatofhismate,andhisyoung.Foramoment,IdespisedhimsomuchthatI

wantedtousemyweapononhim.

Haveyoueverdeliveredabrood?Idemanded,andhemadeanegative

gesture.NeitherhaveI.Ithoughtforamoment.IfTssVarorhismatewereharmed,it

wouldbringthefleetheretoK-2.Histroopswouldkillmostofthepopulation.Iknewof

noonewhocouldhelpexceptThereisoneontheplanet.ATerranphysician.

TssVarmadeacontemptuoussound.Mymateisnotthathungry.

No,sheismorethanfodder.Ibelieveshecandeliverthebrood.Whenmy

brothermadenocomment,Iadded,Iplantotakeherasmymate.

What?hebellowed.Havethewarm-bloodssuckedthebrainmatteroutof

yourskull?

Doyouwishyourbroodtolive?Whenhenodded,Igesturedtowardthe

controls.Thenyoumusttrustmeonthissheistheonlyonewhowillhelpyou.Follow

medowntothesurface,andlandatthesecoordinates.

IguidedTssVarsshuttleinthroughtheorbitalgridandbrokeawayatthelast

moment,landinginanunoccupiedagriculturalfieldbehindtheFreeClinic.Thesightof

theHsktsktvessellandingclosertothefacilitysentthepassingcolonistsfleeingin

terror.

Iopenedasecurechannelbetweenourshuttles.Thewayisclear.Itoldhim

howtoenterthefacility,andwhotolookfor.Iwillsafeguardyourvesseluntilyou

return.Killnoone,andtheywillnotattackyou.


23/131

23Ihopeyouarecorrect,brother.Onmypanelscreen,TssVararmedhimself,

releasedhismate,andhauledherwrithingformupunderhisarm.Ifsheormybrood

dies,Iwillwipeeveryspeckoflifefromthisplanet.Heterminatedthesignal.

Itookupadefensivestationnearbyandcheckedmyweapons.Ididntwantto

killanyone,butifsecuritytriedtorushthefacilityImighthaveto.Asignalcameinover

mywristcomfromAdministration.Irespondedtoitaudio-only.Reever.

Chief.Itwasmyassistant,Fargas.SomeoneoverattheFreeClinichas

requestedaHsktskttranslator.

Ishouldhavethoughtofthat.TssVarwouldnotuseatranslationdevicethe

Hsktsktconsideredspeakingtothewarm-bloodedbeneaththem.Ikeptaneyeonthe

entrancetotraumaandthoughtoftheinterpreterscurrentlyassignedtome.Onewasa

formerslaveandwouldknowhowtobehavearoundTssVar.SendKurenii.

Fargasclearedhismucousmembraneswithanervousblastofair.Uh,shouldI

tellhimwhy?

No.

Right.

HourspassedasIwaited.Kureniiwouldbenervous,buthisslavetrainingwould

keephimfromoffendingTssVar.IwishedIcouldsaythesameaboutCherijoGreyVeil.

Still,ifshewasclever,shewouldsurvivethedeliveryandpreservethelivesofthe

OverLordsbrood.Ifshedidnot,TssVarsangerwouldmakeherdeathquick.

Ididnotwanttothinkofherdead.

Securityforcessurroundedthefacility,butnoonetriedtogoin.Atlength

TssVar,hismateandhisbroodreemergedfromtheFreeClinic.Althoughdisheveled


24/131

24andpale,Cherijoaccompaniedthem,andevensnappedatthesecurityforces,telling

themtostayback.

Shehadsurvived.

Isawbloodonherarmandmovedforwardwithoutthinking.TssVarcaughtsight

ofme,andmadeasmallgestureindicatingIshouldkeepmydistance.Withgreateffort,

Iremainedconcealed.Beforeheboardedtheshuttle,helookedbackatCherijo,and

madeanothergesture,onethatwouldmeannothingtoher.

Itwasawordlessfarewellthatofoneequaltoanother.

#

IwasunabletospeakwithCherijoatthescene,butIfoundaPsyorannurse

namedEclainTraumawhowasmorethanwillingtofillmeinonthedetailsofthe

delivery.

Sheevenhadatranslatorsentinsoshecouldtalktothemwhileshewas

deliveringthelittlemonsters.Eclaflutteredhercurlyupperdermallayers.Canyou

believethat?

IcouldnotbelievemybrotherconsideredaTerranfemaleasanequal.Shemust

havedonesomethingoutrageous.Imsurprisedtheydidntkillher.

TNliqsaiditlookedliketheywouldatfirst,butthedoctookoverandhandled

everything.Shedidsuchagreatjobthatthemothernamedoneofthemafterher.

Wasitthelastborn?

Idontknow.Herfloweryfacewrinkledasshethoughtforamoment.Ithinkit

wasthelargestone.Isntittoobizarreforwords?Imean,justwhenIthinkIveseen

everything...


25/131

25WhenIaskedwheretheTerrandoctorhadgone,Ecladirectedmetothe

FreeClinicsAdministrativeoffices.Ithankedherandwalkedtotheothersideofthe

facility,tryingtofathomthestrangeturnofevents.HowhadsheconvincedtheHsktskt

tonameherDesignate?Itwasunprecedented.Ihadtoknow.

WhenIreachedthecorridoroutsidehisoffice,Iheardhervoiceclearly.

Iwillfollowthatmethodoftreatmentwhich,accordingtomyabilityand

judgment,Iconsiderforthebenefitofmypatients,andabstainfromwhateveris

deleteriousandmischievous,Iwillgivenodeadlymedicinetoanyoneifasked,nor

suggestanysuchcounsel.

Irecognizedthewords;shewasrecitingtheHippocraticoath,anarchaicvowall

Terranphysicianssworetouphold.WhywassherecitingittotheChiefofStaff,who

wasalsohumanandobviouslyknewithimself?AndwhycouldIfeelherangerasifit

wereabankofstormclouds,preparedtoburst?

Excuseme,Dr.Mayer.

Ipositionedmyselfinfrontofthedoor,andasshestrodeoutshecollidedwith

me.Shemadeastartledsoundandjerkedbackward,butMayersdoorpanelwas

alreadyclosed.Shecouldnotretreat.

Dr.GreyVeil.Hercheeksturnedpink,andshenudgedmeasideandwalked

awaywithoutresponding.Doctor?

Shekeptgoing.Ifollowedherassheleftthefacility,butsheseemedtohaveno

destinationinmine.CautiouslyIdecreasedthedistancebetweenus.

Cherijoglancedbackatmeandmadeasoundwithairandherlips.Whatdo

youwant,chieflinguisticReever?


26/131

26I'llwalkwithyou.Humansbondedemotionallyduringmomentsofstress,

perhapsshewouldspontaneouslyformanattachmenttome.

I'mnotgoinganywhere.Sheattemptedtoseparateherselffrommeagain,butI

pacedher.Shehaltedforasecondtime.Reever,goaway!

Thefutilityofheractionsannoyedme.Youarewalkingincirclesaroundthe

FreeClinic.

Iknow.

You'reupset.

There'sakeenobservation.Sheusedherhandtobrushsomeloosehairback

fromherface.Anythingelse?

OneofmysubordinateswaspresentduringyourtreatmentoftheHsktskt

raiders.IdidntcareaboutKurenii,butitwasaplausiblereasonformypersistence.

Yes,ofcourse.Shelookeddownatherfootgearandshuffledthemagainstthe

pavement.Hewaswonderful.

I'mpleasedtohearthat.

Morethanwonderful.Tobehonest,oursuccesswasbeinginlargeparttohis

excellentskillsandperformanceunderadverseconditions.Youshouldgivehimaraise

incompensation.Shelookedatthewaywehadcome,thenatme.

Shewishedmetoleaveher.Whydidshewishtobealone?Whywouldshenot

confideinme?ItriedagaintocoaxtheinformationIwantedfromher.Itwasreported

thatthefemaleHsktsktnamedyouasdesignatetothedominaryinfant.

Sheonlyblinked.So?

Youinvitedasignificanthonoronyourself.Andhadnoconceptofwhatit

meant,apparently.Shewaslikearecklesschild.


27/131

27Invited?Hechindroppedforamoment.Believeme,chieflinguist,Ididn'task

hertonameherkidafterme.

Shedidntknowthatthehonorwasnotsomethingthatwasrequested,only

granted.InTerranterms,suchadistinctionwouldrankwiththatofagodmother,

Doctor.AndmadehermyequalintheeyesoftheFactionperhapsthatwaswhy

UgessVahadDesignatedher.

MyOverLordsmatewasplayingmatchmaker.

Shemadeatappingsoundonthegroundwithherfoot.I'mstillmissingapoint

here.Ifthereisone.

Beingthatinfant'sdesignatevirtuallyguaranteesyou'llneverbetakenasa

Hsktsktslave.AndIwouldneverhavetokillhertosaveherfromit.

"Forgod'ssake,Reever,Iwasn'tgivenachoiceatthetime!

Weren'tyou?Ihadtoknowhowshefeltaboutthedeliverywhatitmeantto

her.YoubroughtfivemoreHsktsktkillersintoexistence.

Itreatedafemalegivingbirth.Shedrewherselfup,tryingtolooktallerthanshe

was.Underextremeduress,Imightadd,butthatdoesn'tmatter.

Itdoesn't?

"No,Reever.Itdoesn't."Shesteppeduptome,hersmallhandscurledintofists.

Ibelieveinthatmomentshewishedtostrikeme."Iwouldhavetreatedhernomatter

whathappened.Threatornothreat.Whilethecolonywasunderattack.Evenifher

matebeganexecutingtheothers."Shebalancedonhertoes,puttingherfacecloserto

mine."Withmylastbreath,Reever,IwouldhavedeliveredthosefiveHsktsktkillers.

Thescentofherfilledmyhead,andIdidntcareabouttheHsktsktortheLeague

anymore.Icouldonlywonderatthefiercelightinhereyes.Whatmadeherthisway?


28/131

28ShewasunlikeanyfemaleIhadeverencountered.Whyhadshecomehere?Why

wasshebecomingsoimportanttome?

Ihadsentherdeath,andshehadturneditintolife.

TheoldslavepriestArembelhadtakentosermonizingabouthisfaithashe

tendedtomymanyinjuriesafterIfought.Hispeoplebelievedinbalanceinallthings.

Foreveryevil,therewasgood.Foreverydarkness,therewaslight.WhatIwas

compelledtodo,hetoldme,wouldonlyberesolvedwhenIcountereditwithawilling

commitmenttolifebutnotuntilIfoundmypersonalbalance.Forhiskindalsobelieved

thatnoonewasmeanttobealone.

Whenyoufindyourcounterpart,itwillchallengeallyouknow.Itwillshapeall

youdo.Andnothingwillcomebetweenyouexceptdeath.

Icouldnottellher,ofcourse.Shewouldnotunderstandthebalanceorwhatit

meant.HerhairwasfallingdownoverhereyesagainIsuspectedshenevertookthe

timetoproperlygroomit.Iskimmedmyfingertipsoverthedarkfallofit,wishingIcould

tidyitforher.

Youwouldbeunyieldingtotheend.AsIwouldbe.Iwasawarriorofdeath.

Shewasawarrioroflife.

Shewasmybalance.Ididnothavekillmyself,notnowthatIhadfoundher.

Herpupilsdilatedforaninstant,thenshemovedaway.Leavemealone,

Reever.

Iwatchedherstrideaway.IfArembelhadbeenalivetowitnessthis,hewould

havelaughedatme.

#


29/131

29 ThesignalIexpectedfromTssVardidnotarriveforseveralrotations.Whenit

did,Ididnotknowwhattomakeofit.

Reportindicatesmilitarymobilizationimminentinyourquadrant.Investigateand

relayjustification.Wereturnthebrood.

TssVarhadanewsourceofintelligence,andhewastakingthefleetbacktothe

Hsktskthomeworld.Bothrevelationswerewhollyunexpectedandalarming.Itookmy

shuttleandleftK-2ssystembeforeIresponded.Theencryptedrelaysweusedwere

secure,butgiventhenatureofhismessageandtheincreasedamountofsecurityonthe

colony,Iwastakingnofurtherchancesofbeingdiscovered.

OverLord.Iformallysalutedhisimagewhenitappearedonmyscreen.Your

mateandbrood,theyarewell?

Asoftenastheyfeed,theyshouldbe,hesaid.Therewerefreshwoundsonhis

head.Duringourbriefabsence,twoofmyLordsconspiredtotakecontrolofthefleet.

Theywerenotpleasedatmysafereturn.Iamobligedtomakeanexampleofthem.

Isee.Althoughself-promotionthroughassassinationwascommonenough

amongtheFaction,iftheattemptfailed,theperpetratorsdiedanextended,painful,and

verypublicdeath.Itwasadisplayofpower,todiscourageothersfromdoingthesame.

Thatdidnotvalidatereturningtheentirefleettothehomeworld,however.TssVarcould

easilybeatthetraitorstodeathonhisownship.Itwasimpolitetoaskwhydirectly,but

therewereotherwaystogleantheinformation.Willyoubelongthere,brother?

Acycle,perhaps.Histongueflickedwithagitation.Thesub-hanarbelieves

theLeagueispreparingtolaunchanaggressivecampaignagainstourborder

territories.

Sohehadbeensummonedtoreturn,toprepareforwar.


30/131

30Thehomeworldhasreceivedreportswhichevidentlysubstantiatethat,butIwill

needspecificdeploymentdatatroopstrength,fleetnumbers,patrolroutesinthese

regions.TssVarsuperimposedastarchartonthescreen.Youwillgetthisinformation

forme,HalaVar.

Asyoucommand.Ithoughtquickly.MayIknowwhoprovidedthepreliminary

intelligence?Iwouldmakeuseofsuchasourcemyself.

Hemadeacasualgesturewithonelimb.AnAkkabarranarmsdealertraveling

throughtheterritories.Heandhisconvoyhavesinceleftthequadrant.

Apity.MoreofareliefIdidnotneedanyonewhocouldcontradictmyown

reports.

Hisuppereyelidslowered.MymatenamedyourfemaleTerranDesignatetomy

brood.Ididnotagreeatfirst,butsheprovedherself.Youspokeoftakingherasa

mate.Isshematureenoughtobreed?

IthoughtofmakingCherijopregnant.Theimageofherbellyswellingwithmy

childcreatedanew,unfamiliarsensationinsideme.Yes.ThenIthoughtofthe

Hsktskt,preparingforwar.Intime.

Shewillnurturethemwell.Therewasnohighercomplimenthecouldhave

givenher.Reporttomewithwhatyoulearnandwatchyourback,brother.The

Leaguemaybeanallianceoffools,buttheirleadersknowwearewatchingthem.

IdelayedmyreturntoK-2inordertoscoutthevariousmilitaryportswithinthe

immediateregion.TssVarsinformanthadbeencorrect;anumberoflargetroop

freightersandweaponstransportshadbeenrecentlyreassignedtothequadrant,and

noonewasmakinganyattempttoconcealtheirpresence.


31/131

31YetIhadthesensethatitwasmorethanmerelyashowofaggression,madeto

provoke.

Leagueinfantrytroopsonplanetaryleavewerethemostreadysourcesof

information,andIpaidvisitstotavernsandbrothelsonseveralworldstolearnwhatI

could.Mostcomplainedincessantlyabouttheirduties,theircancelledleaves,ortheir

superiors.Afewblamedanunexpectedseriesofordersthathadbeenhandeddown

fromLeagueHeadquarters;ordersthatonlyseniorofficershadbeenpermittedtoview.

Theyrecalledtwentythousandofus,oneintoxicatedAkloppointedoutafterI

boughthimaseventhround.Andtheresnothingoutheretodefendbutsome

insignificantagri-coloniesandabunchofbobbleandbodysellers.

Despitemyefforts,Icouldnotlearnmorespecificsaboutthemobility,orthe

mysteriousordersbehindit.Seniorofficerswereeithernottakingornotbeinggranted

planetaryleave.IwouldhavetocultivateothersourcesofinformationfromK-2beforeI

decidedhowmuchIwouldtellTssVar.

NoonecouldstoptheLeagueandtheHsktsktfromgoingtowar,butImightbe

abletodelayitlongenoughtoevacuatethecoloniesandthendisappearmyself.

WhenIdid,IdecidedthatCherijoGreyVeilwasgoingwithmeIhadearnedher.

Iwouldtakeher.

#

IreturnedtoK-2anddecidedtorenewmyacquaintancewiththegooddoctor.

UnfortunatelyCherijodidnotreturnmysignals,andIwasforcedtoreturntothe

FreeClinictoseeherinperson.OncemoreIwasdirectedtoDr.Mayersoffice,where

shehadbeensentforameeting.

AssoonasIreachedthedoorpanel,Ifeltheranger.


32/131

32AreyousayingIcan'thandlemyjob?IheardCherijosay.

Mayersresponsewasmuchcalmer.I'msuggestingthatisindicated,yes.

Ihadmeanttointerruptthem,inordertosavetime.InsteadIfoundmyself

listeningastheyarguedoverapatient.

Tellmesomething,Dr.Mayer.Hervoicehadturnedsharp,thewayithadwhen

shehadspokentomeabouttheHsktskt.Whyareyoudoingthis?

Idon'tknowwhatyoumean.

No?I'mnotacompleteidiot,youknow.You'vehaditinformefromdayone.

Rememberwhenyouthreatenedmewithdismissalforincompetence?

Shewentontocomplainabouthisreactionstoherwork,butIstoppedfollowing

theconversation.Thethoughtofherbeingdismissedfromherpositionhadnever

occurredtome.Itmightbeonewaytobringherundermycontrolandkeephersafe.I

couldhastenMayersdecisionbyfilingacomplaintmyselfIhadarrangedtobe

appointedasCherijoscommunityservicesupervisor;perhapstomorrowIcoulddo

somethingtosabotageherefforts.Onceshewasdismissed,shewouldneed

assistance.

Iwouldbetheonetoprovideit.

ShewasstilldemandinganswersfromMayer.What'stherealreasonI'mhere?

Nowapersecutioncomplex.Heseemedpleasedbythat.Ifthesetirades

continue,IwillrecommendP.Q.S.G.O.instigateacompletere-evaluationofyour

contract.

Cherijodidntsayanythingforalongtime.Then,finally,"I'vegotthemessage."


33/131


34/131


35/131

35Waitaminute,Iheardhercalloutoverthecompanel.Shemumbled

somethingelsebeforesheopenedthedoor.Comein,Reever.I'malmostready.

Shehaddressedappropriatelyinold,shabbygarments,butwasstillconsuming

hermorningbeverage.Asmall,four-legged,silver-furredmammalapproachedme.It

wassomethinglikeaferalVuktafromCarscaVII,butsmallerandwithoutthevenom-

filledspinefrills.

Ihadfoughtanumberoffelinesinthearena,andtheywereefficientkillers.A

domesticatedanimal?

Uh-huh.Shefinishedherdrink.

Thecreaturewasquitebolditsniffedmyfootgear,thenbeganrubbingitself

againstmycalvesandankles.Theoddsoundsitproducedfromitsthroatwerequite

plaintivebutsoweretheVuktas,justbeforetheypouncedandstabbedtheirpreyto

death.Ifshehaddomesticatedit,shehadlikelyformedanemotionalattachmenttothe

creaturesoshewouldnotappreciatemeshootingit.

Whatdoesitwant?

HisnameisJenner,shetoldme.Hewantsyoutopethim.

Why?

Didn'tyouevershehalted,thenbegansecuringherhair.That'swhythey're

calledpets,Reever.Youpetthem.Sheboundtheendofherbraid.Mostalien

cultureshavedomesticatedanimals,don'tthey?

No.Ithoughtofmyformerowner,whohadkeptmenaked,collaredand

chainedtohersidewhenevershetraveled.However,thereareseveralspecieswho

consumesuchsmallmammalsastheirprimarydietary


36/131

36Nevermind.ForgetIasked.Shecroucheddownandstrokedtheanimalwith

herhands.Thecatdidntappeartowantherattention,andcontinuedtoentreatmewith

itsmenacingyowls.Ithadblueeyes,likeherperhapsitwascontrolledbyamind-

eatingsadisticparasite.Comeon.Let'sgo.

Sheseemedimpressedwithmyglidecar.Whodidyoubribetogetthis?she

askedassheenteredthepassengerside.

Noone.Iwonderedifshetrulycaredtohearthetale,orifshewasmerely

makingwhathumanscalledpoliteconversation.Itwasagift.

Isee.

Idoubtit.

Okay,whogaveittoyou?

AgratefulFurinacwhohadbeenunabletocommunicatewithcolonialmilitia

duringanunauthorizedtransport.

Hemusthavebeenreallygrateful.Shetrailedherfingersoverthesoftseat

covering.Whatexactlydidyoudoforhim?

Thatrequiresaratherlengthyexplanation.Hermoodswereerraticand

unpredictable,andthatannoyedme.Thatshewouldhaveanyinterestinmyactivities

seemedunlikelyorwassheatlasttakinganinterestinme?Haveyoutouredthe

BotanicalProjectAreayet?

Someofit.Herinterest,andsomeofhercolor,abruptlydisappeared.

Youredisturbed.Whatisit?

Sheclosedhereyesandleanedbackagainsttheseatcushions.Thewayshe

satmadeherlookveryyounganddefeated.Ilostapatientlastnight.


37/131

37Surelyaphysiciangrewaccustomedtowatchingapercentageofpatientsdieit

wasonlylogicalthatsomewould.Yetsheseemedgenuinelydistraught.Terransoften

avoideddiscussingpainfultopics,althoughIneverquiteunderstoodwhy.Suppressing

emotionsappearedtobemoredamagingthanhavingnoneatall.

Wewillbeworkinginthehybridcultivationareatoday,Itoldher,changingthe

subject.Thereareanumberofoffworldspecimensbeingcrossbredwithnativeplants

inproduction.

Sheyawned.Excuseme.

Youdidnotgetyourfivehourssleep.

No.

ThatMayerwouldverballyabuseherwhenshedevotedsomuchofhertimeto

hisFreeClinicmademythoughtsdarken.ChargenurseTNliqinaratoldmeyou've

workedfourextrashiftsthisweek.

Uh-huh.Sheavoidedmygaze.

IsDr.Mayerawareofyourextendedworkhours?Ifhewasnot,perhapsI

shouldinformhim.Amongotherthings.

Shesnorted.Dr.Mayerprobablyspitswheneverhehearsmyname.Dropit,all

right?

Anotherpainfultopic.Iwouldneedhelpdeterminingwhattomakethenext.

Whatwouldyoucaretotalkabout?

Nothing,chieflinguist.Shemadeanegligentgesturewithherhand.Youcan

betheconversationalnavigator.

Verywell.Ihaltedtheglidecarnearourassignedworkarea.Tellmewhatyou

knowaboutagriculturalcultivation.


38/131

38Absolutelynothingoutsideofafewrequiredbotanycoursesduringsecondary

school.Anotheryawn.AllofwhichIgavelittleornoattentionto.

Wellbeginwassomethingbasic.Ithoughtofthevariousprojectsrequiring

immediateattention.Hydroponicsrequiredtoomuchexplanation,andgrafting

somethingthatasasurgeonshewouldlikelybeverygoodatwasrestrictedto

experiencedcultivatorsonly.Perhapsplantingsomeseedlings.

Iretrievedseveralflatsofseedlingsalreadyremovedfromtheirhydroponicspods

andpreparedfortransfertothesoil.Thehybridswereparticularlyvaluable,andthe

seniorsitebotanistexpressedhisconcern,butIfeltthedoctorcouldperformthesimple

taskwithoutdifficulty.Isethertoworkononesideofthehybridfieldandwenttowork

ontheothermyself.

IdiscoveredhowmuchIhadmisjudgedCherijowhentheseniorbotaniststopped

atherrowanhourlaterandbeganshoutingather.Iwentovertofindthatshehad

placedtheseedlingsexactlywhereIhadindicated.

Andeverysinglespecimenwasplantedwrong.

Doyouseethis?Thebotanist,aPsyoran,wassoagitatedthathehadturned

monochromaticandhaddistendedveinspoppingfromhismultiplefrilllayers.Ittook

twocyclestogerminatetheseseeds!Twocycles!

Thisisherfirstassignment.Ikneltdownandcarefullyremovedonespecimen.

Shewillnotmakethesamemistakeagain.

NotaslongasIworkthisfield,thebotanistpromised.

Youknow,youshouldwaterthemmore,Cherijotoldhim.Theymightgrowa

littlefaster.

Theyregrowninwater,youyouthePsyoranbecameincoherent.


39/131

39Really.Sheeyedtheseedlings.Thenmaybeyoushouldsticksomelabelson

themfortherestofusnon-plantlife-forms.Youknow,likethissideup?

HestaredatherbeforeresortingtolanguagethatIhadnotprogrammedintothe

coloniallinguisticdatabase,andslightedeverythingfromhermentalcapacitytoher

geneticorigins.

Ohyeah?Shedidntunderstandthewords,butsheclearlygraspedhis

meaning.Andwhatwasyourmother?Atumbleweed?Poisonivy?

Beforethebotanistcouldsaymore,Isteppedbetweenthem.Thereappearsto

benopermanentdamage.Iwillpersonallycorrecthererror.

Shesnottotouchanotherpod.Keepherblackthumboutofmyspecimens.

Heflappedashestalkedbacktothecultivationcenter.

WhatdidIdo?shedemanded.

Ibegandiggingoutthenextseedling.Youplantedthemupsidedown.

Shescowled.HowwasIsupposedtoknowthethingsaretheroots,andthe

brownpartissupposedtobeabovetheground?

Icouldnotfathomhowsomeonesointelligentcouldhavedonesomethingso

ridiculous.IfyouhavelistenedwhenIexplainedtheproceduretoyou,youwouldhave

known.

Reever,youneveroncesaidtherootswerethewhitethings.

Ipausedforamoment,wishingbrieflythatIcouldexpressafewwordsnot

containedonthecoloniallinguisticdatabase.IwasnotawareIhadtospecifythat

fact.

Well,Ididn'tkillanyofthem.Sheleanedovermeandpeeredattherow.Did

I?


40/131

40They'llsurvive.

Great.Sheglancedbacktowheretheseniorsitebotanistwasstillpacingback

andforthandcomplainingtoanotherofhiscolleagues.Tellme,whatdidthatraving

maniacmeanwhenhesaidIhadablackthumb?

Hemeantyouneedtobeassignedtoanotherproject.

Evenbetter.Shesniffed.WhatwouldyourecommendthatItrynext,chief

linguist?

Igavethemattersomeconsideration.Workingwithsomethinginanimate.

Veryfunny.

IbrushedtheloosesoilfrommyhandsasIstoodandcheckedthetime.Were

finished.

Sheeyedtheflatofseedlingslefttooneside.ButI

Iraisedonehand,imitatingoneofherfavoritehabitualgestures.You'vedone

enough.

Notyet,shesaid.Hearmeout.

ShewentontoexplaintheunusualcircumstancesregardingAlunKaras,the

patientwhohaddiedattheFreeClinicthenightbefore.Hehadevidentlyaspirated

someresinafteracollectiondevicehadexploded,andshethoughtthesapmightbe

responsiblefortheinfectionthathadkilledhim.Iagreedthatitmighthelptovisitthe

sitewherethebotanisthadbeencollectingsamples.

Sheseemedtohavenorecollectionofthevisionwehadsharedonthedaywe

met,forsheshowednohesitation,evenwhenIindicatedshewouldhavetoenterthe

gnorragroveswithme.

HerlackoffearwouldmakewhatIwantedtodoeasierforbothofus.


41/131

41Iamfamiliarwithhisworkassignment.Hewasoverinasectionadjoiningthe

southrange.Ikeptmyvoicebland.Wecanreachitfromhereonfoot.

Cherijowasquietaswemadeourwayintothegnorragroves.Iopenedmy

mind,gatheringinwhatIcouldofherthoughtimagesandfeelings.Heremotions

radiatedovereverything,andIsensedadistinctdivisioninthemshefeltdespondency

overthelossofherpatient,andhappinessoversomethingcompletelyunrelatedand

unidentifiable.Shedemonstratedlittlepleasureinsharingmycompany,sowhatwas

creatingthewarmthbehindthesadness?

Perhapsshewouldtellme.Thinkingofpleasantmemories?

YourecertainlyinterestedinwhatI'mthinkingallthetime.

Occupationalhazard.

Bythattimewehadleftthefieldsandwerewalkingthroughsomedensegrowth

intotheuncultivatedareas.Shewasntpayingattentiontowhereshewasstepping,

however,andIhadtocatchherasshestumbledoverahiddentangleofroots.I

stoppeduntilsheregainedherbalance.

Touchingherstrengthenedtheconnectionbetweenusahundredfold.Iknew

whatshewasthinking,andwhohadbroughtherhere.Whomadeherhappyand

excited.Itwasntme.

Itwasanotherman.Analien.

Itookholdofherotherarm,thenbroughtmyhandstoherwristsassheraised

theminadefensivegesture.Herwrists,infrontofmyfaceitwasexactlyasithad

beeninthevision.ButIcouldnotthinkofprecognitionortheconnectionweshared,not

inthatmoment.


42/131

42Shehadbeenbusymakingnewfriends.Friendswhoweremale,andmadeher

happy,andexcitedher.Friendswhowerenothuman.Friendswhowerenotlikeme.I

increasedmygrip.

Whatareyoudoing?shewhispered.

Iprobedherthoughts,determinedtoknowallofit.Hewasherewithyou.

What?

Thepilot,Torin.Isawhisfaceinhermind.Hewasherewithyou,wasnthe?

Iwantedtoknowwhathehaddonetoher,andwhatshehadgivenhim.Ifshewould

nottellme,Iwouldlocatethememoriesmyself.

Howdoyouknowshewrenchedawayfrommyhands,breakingthetentative

connectionbetweenus.Whatwasthat?Whatdidyoudotome?

Ilinkedwithyou.Andwouldagain,assoonasIcouldputmyhandsonher.

HadshebeenintimatewiththeJorenian?Howlonghadthisbeengoingon?

Linked?Shesteppedback.Whatthehelldoesthatmean?

Iestablishedamentallinkwithyou,whenItouchedyou.Ihavetriedbefore,but

youdidnotrealize

Herchinsaggedforamoment.Youdidthisbefore?

Thefirsttimewemet,atthetradingcenter.Itookholdofherwristsoncemore

andraisedtothem.ThisimagewasoneIsharedwithyou.BeforeshehadmetTorin

beforeshehadeverseenhim.Ihadpriorclaimonher.

ReeveryouAngerreducedherspeechcapacitysignificantly.Ineversaid

youcouldtouchmeoror

Didntsheunderstand?Couldntshefeeltheconnectionbetweenus?DidIhave

toexplaineverythingtoher?Idon'thavetotouchyou.


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43Idroppedherwrist,andsheswiveledandbegantowalkaway.

No.

Whathappenednextwasasmuchasurprisetomeasitwastoher.Ireached

outtohermindtolink,butdeterminationtostopherchangedtheprobeandallowedme

controloverherphysicalbody.

Stop.

Herbodyhalted,asiftimestoodstill.Shebegantocryout,butIstoppedthat

impulseaswell.Quiet.

ThenIwentafterher.

Imovedaroundher,holdinghermindwithmineasIinspectedher.Shewas

tryingtospeak;Icouldseeherthroatmoving.ButIcontrolledherspeechcenter,and

blockedallsoundimpulses.Icouldcontroleverythingshedid.

HerthoughtswerefranticshewaswonderinghowIcouldbedoingthis,what

typeofpsychicabilityIhad.Evenexperiencingmylinkholdoverher,shecouldnot

believeitwaspossible.

Ilookedintohereyes,andattemptedadirectthoughttransfer.Yes,itis.

Reever?Shewasevenmoreshockedthanbefore.Canyouhearme?

Yes.Ihearyou.Imovedcloser,enjoyingmypoweroverher.Whowouldnot

wishcontrolsuchasthisoveranotherbeing?EspeciallyoneIwantedsomuch?

Ifeltnoguilt.Shewasmybalance.Shebelongedwithme.Shebelonged to

me.Andifshedidnotrecognizeitnow,intimeshewouldunderstand.

Youarereallydoingthis.Shedidntwanttobelieveit,buthermindwaslogical,

andshewasnotacoward.Why?Whyareyoudoingthistome?


44/131

44HowcouldIexplaintheneedssurginginsideme?Shewouldnotbelievethem.I

didnotmyself.You'retheonlyoneI'veneverhadtotouch.

Hermindwasasnarlofcontradictionsandemotionscuriosity,outrage,fear,

andsomethingelse,somethingshewouldntrevealtome.Sheheldupbarriersthere

whichIcouldnotpenetrate.Beyondheremotions,hermindwasorderlyandruthlessly

organizedhercognitiveknowledgeofmedicinealonewasastoundingandIrealized

thatwhatshehadlearnedduringherbriefyearswouldhavetakenanotherTerran

decades,perhapsevenalifetimetocomprehend.

Imovedbackintowhatshewasunconsciouslytryingtoconcealhermemory

center.EverywhereIsawshadowsuponshadows,suppressingandobscuringherlife

beforeshecametoK-2.Therewasonlyone,veryclearmemoryIcouldmakeoutthat

ofanotherTerranfemale,olderthanCherijo,withvividredhair.

Lightenup,Joey.Youdoanymorestudyingandyoureyeswillfalloutofyour

head.Comeon,letsgoshopping.

Joey.Ofcourse,adiminutiveofCherijo.Ilikedthesoundofitverymuch.

Imagesofmyownbody,injuredandinahospitalberth,pushedmeback,trying

toforcemefromhermind.Enough,Reever.Hersubconsciousdrewstrengthfrom

thoseshadows,eventhoughIsuspectedsheherselfwasnotawareofthem.The

combinationwasquitepowerful.Getoutofmyhead!

Mywarrioroflife.ShehadyettorecognizethatIwasherbalance.

Wait.Itookherhandinmine,entwinedmyfingerswithhers.Ihadtomakeher

understandwhoIwas,whatIwas.Shedidnotunderstandthatshewouldbesafewith

me,thatIhadasmanyshadowsanddarkplacesinsideme.ShedidnotknowthatI

wouldkillanythingthatharmedher.There'smore.


45/131

45Morewhat?

Iopenedmymindtoher,sendingbriefburstsofimagesfrommyownpast.Ihad

neverrevealedmyselftoanotherwithsuchcandor,andIwasnotsureifshewouldeven

comprehendmymotivefordoingso.IfoundIdidnotcareevenifitmeantnothingto

her,Iwantedtoshowhermylife,everythingaboutme.

ThisiswhoIam.ThisiswhatIwas.

Ithoughtofthefirstplanetonwhichmyparentshadleftme.Therehadbeenno

sapientinhabitants,soIhadspentseveraldaysalone,actingrecklessly,injuringmyself

asIlookedformymotherandfather,eventhoughIknewtheyhadtakentheshipand

leftmethere.IfIkeptlooking,myyoungerselfreasonedthatIwouldfindthem,andnot

havetofacetheprospectoflivinganddyingaloneonthatbarrenworld.

Myparentshadbeenverydisappointedwhentheyhadreturnedseveraldays

later.Ihadfallenill,andnearlydiedfromthefeverandaninfectedwoundonmyleg.

Thecontempttheyhadfeltastheyrepairedthedamageandbroughtmebacktohealth

hadbeenonlytooclear.

IhadbeenevenmoreterrifiedwhileenduringmytrialofdisciplineonTarvasc.I

madeherseethat,watchthefirsttimeanexaminerhadslashedthebackofmyhand

withhisblade.Themanyweeksofhungerandpunishmentthathadfollowedhad

purgedmeofmyyouthfulinsubordination,andtemperedmeintoanobedientchild.My

parentshadneverhadcausetocomplainaboutmybehavioragain.

IwantedtoshowhereverythingIhadexperiencedovermylifetime.Ibegan

sendingacontinuousstreamofmemory,alltheworldsandbeingsIhadencountered

untiltheHsktskthadtakenmefromSvcitaandenslavedme.


46/131

46Ididnotshowhereverything,however.Ikeptfromhermyyearsinthearena;I

didnotwanthertoseethatthingthatIhadbecomeonthekillingsands.HowIhad

suffered,andwhattheyhaddonetome.Howithadchangedandshapedmeintothe

manIhadbecome.PerhapssomedayIwouldtellher,butnotnow.NotuntilIwas

assuredofherloyaltytome.

Letmego.

Shestillresistedme,andIcouldfeelsomethinggrowinginsidehermindshe

wasreachingforherown,unusedmentalresources.Thatalarmedmeifsheused

themincorrectly,oneorbothofuscouldendupwithbraindamage.

Althoughitwasliketearingawoundinmyself,Iendedthelinkhold.

Assoonassheregaincontrolofherbody,shefelldownonherknees,withsuch

forcethatshetorehertrousers.WhenIreachedtohelpher,shecrawledbackaway

fromme.Don'ttouchme!

Cherijo.Thewayshecoweredperplexedme.Hadsheseennothing?Iwon't

hurtyou.Ihelpedhertoherfeet,andheldherassheregainedherbalance.Thesmell

ofbloodalarmedme.Areyouinjured?

Sheblinked.Injured?

Iglanceddown,sawtheredstainsonhertrousers,feltmystomachclench.Ihad

madeherbleed.Yougrazedyourknees

Youjusttookcontrolofmymindandbody,againstmywill,andyouwantto

knowifmykneeshurt?Sheshovedmyhandsawayandstaggeredback.Getaway

fromme!

Ihadtocalmher.Iapologize.


47/131

47 Cherijostaredatmeforalongmoment.Takeyourapologyandstuffit.She

bentoverandbrushedoffthedirtandleavesclingingtohertrousers.

Obviouslyshethoughtofourconnectionassomeformofassault.Imeantno

harm.

Right.Sheutteredasoundofmirth,butIdidnotthinkshewasamused.Do

youdothisalot?

No.Ididnotlikehertone,orherinsinuation.Neverwithanotherhuman.

Alltheexpressionleftherface,andshecametowardme.Herbehaviormadeno

sense,untilshehitmeinthefacewithherfist.Thesurpriseblowknockedmebackward

totheground.IstaredatherasIcheckedmyjaw,butshehadnotbrokenit.

Don'tever,evertouchmeagain!Shestalkedaway.

Igotupfromtheground.Cherijo,wait.

Gotohell!sheshoutedwithoutlookingbackatme.

AccordingtomostTerranbeliefs,Iwould.Accordingtomyown,Idalready

arrived.You'regoinginthewrongdirection.IthurttotalkandIcheckedmyjawagain.

Shehadastrongarmforsuchasmallfemale.Iwouldhavetorememberthat.

Damn!Sheturnedbacktome.Whereisit?

Ipointedtoaspotafewyardsaway.There.Wherethatthegnorratreesare.

Ifollowedhertothesmallclearing,whichstillcontainedAlunKarassruined

equipment.Therewerehardenedsapsprayscoveringathreeyardradius.Cherijo

examinedthecentralcollectioncontainerandgazedaroundthebenignlookingplant

life.Shealsosneezedseveraltimes.


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49/131

49Don'tcallmeJoey.

#

IsentseveralencryptedreportsbacktotheHsktskthomeworldforTssVar,

describingthemilitarybuildupintheregion.Iadjustedthenumbers,grossly

underestimatingthemsothatthemobilitywouldnottriggerafleetattack.Iwasordered

tocontinuetomonitorthequadrantandmakeweeklyreportsonanychanges.

ThelinkholdIestablishedwithCherijohadanunusualphysicalsideeffectonme.

Icouldnotstopthinkingabouther,orhowitfelttohavecontroloverherbodyforthat

shortperiodoftime.Enteringhermindhadbeenasintimateassex,moresoforIcould

senseherfeelingsaswellasreadherthoughtsandcontrolherbody.Allofthis

contributedtocreatealingeringphysicaldesirethatdespitemyconcentratedefforts,

plaguedmewithoutcessation.

Iwantedher.

Therewerefemalesonthecolonywhowerewillingtoaccommodatemyphysical

needsIhadmadeinfrequentuseoftheminthepastbutIfoundmyselfcuriously

reluctanttoresorttothem.

Itwasasifnoonewoulddonow,exceptCherijo.

Becomingsexualpartnersseemedlogical,butconvincingtheTerrandoctorto

shareherbodywithmewouldbedifficult.Unfortunately,Ihadneverbeenwithanother

human.Thedatabaseindicatedthatcautioussincerity,combinedwithacertainamount

ofstimulation,mightresolvemydilemma,buttherewasanaggravatinglackofspecific

detail.Iwasconsideringhowbesttoapproachthematterwithherwhenarequestfora

translatorcameinfromtheFreeClinic.ItookthesignalandtoldmyassistantFargas

thatIwouldseetoitmyself.


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50Thankyou,Chief,Fargassighedwithrelief.HewasasensitiveYturi,andhada

tendencytowiltwheneverexposedtostrongpersonalities.Thatlittlehumandoctor

overtherescaresme.

Ireportedtoassessment,andwasdirectedbythechargenursetoatrauma

room,whereaBinderlayonanexamtable.Icouldnotmakethetraditionalgreeting

itsmatewasnowheretobeseenbutIalertedittomypresenceandpolitelyrelayedmy

name.Itseemedunresponsive,itonlyliftedafewtendrilsinacknowledgment.BeforeI

couldaskwhatwaswrong,Cherijohurriedintotheroom.Shesawmeandskiddedtoa

halt.Shelookedflushedanduntidy.

Iwantedtotossherovermyshoulderandcarryheroff.Dr.GreyVeil.

EverytimeIturnacorner,shesaid,thenwenttoexaminethepatient.

SeeingtheBinderandthedoctortogethermademelookatCherijodifferently.

Shewasnotassmallorlightweightasherpatient,buttheybothhadaunique

symmetrytotheirphysicaldesignsandcountenances.Lightglimmeredoverherdark

hair,drawingthesamesilverylightfromitasitdidfromtheBinderstranslucenttendrils.

Perhapsmyphysicaldesireforherwasdueinparttoherappearance.Ihadnot

consideredTerranfemalesattractivebefore,butitcouldbeasubconsciousresponseto

hershapeandcoloring.

Sheseemedcompletelyunawareofmeandonlysmileddownatthepatient.

Justlikeafairy.

Excuseme?Iwasnotfamiliarwiththeterm.

Afairy,chieflinguist.Hergazemetmine.Didn'tanyoneevertuckyouinand

tellyouabedtimestory?


51/131

51EvidentlythatwassomethingfromanimmatureTerranslifeexperience.Icould

notimagineeitherofmyjoylessparentswastingpreciousresearchtimewithsuch

attentiontome.No.

Yourloss.Shereachedtoturnthepatientontoitsback,thensniffedseveral

times.Whatisthatsmell?

Ibreathedin,andfrowned.OddthatIhadnotnoticedthestrongchemicaltrace

intheairbefore.Bindersdonotexudethatodornaturally.

Cherijowentoverandtappedtheroomenvironmentalcontrols,thenwentvery

still.Afteraslighthesitation,sherelayedsomethingthenturnedtolookbackatthe

examtable.

Herfacehadgonecompletelywhite.Cherijo,what

DoyouknowanythingaboutKleeFourteen?

Fertilizer?Iknowwhatitis.

That'sgood,becauseyou'restandinginaroomwithtwentytimesthesafelimit

dispersedintheair.Shesealedtheexamroomdoors.Trynottobreathedeeply,and

dontmakeanyunnecessarymovements.

Shemovedslowlybacktotheexamtable,activatedascannerandpasseditover

thebinder.Ourfriendherehasingestedit.

NowIunderstoodwhyshewassoafraid.DigestionchangedKleeFourteenintoa

highlyvolatile,explosivecompoundthatdestabilizedwhendisturbedinanyway.Skin

seals

Sheshookherhead.It'salreadysaturatedandbegunthetransdermalprocess.

Askitexactlyhowmuchswallowed.


52/131

52Iattendedtothepatient,usingitscomplexverbal/physicallanguage.Thedoctor

hasdetectedKleeFourteeninyoursystem.Shewishestohelpyou.Howmuchdidyou

ingest?

Onehalfcontainer.Theysaidthatwouldkillme.TheBinderwasinsuchdeep

distressthatitcouldbarelyrespond.WhyamIstillbreathing?

Idontknow,Isaid,thentoldCherijo,Halfastanlitre.

Shemetmygaze.That'senoughtodothejob.

Iwatchedherasshepreparedacountermeasure.Herhandsmovedso

smoothlytheynearlyblurred.Webothlookedasadisplay-onlysignalappearedonthe

roompanel,informingCherijothattheentirefacilitywasintheprocessofbeing

evacuated.

Whydidyouorderanevacuation?Iaskedher.

Giventheamountinthebindersystem,theblastradiuswillbeclosetoone

kilometer.Sheliftedthesyrinpressandcalibratedit.IfIdon'tdothatright,thatis.

Youhavesufficienttimetostoptheprocess?

Idon'tknow.Shegnawedatherlowerlip.Ifyoupray,Reever,doitnow.

Iftherewasenoughtime,Iwouldknockheroutandcarryherfromthefacility.

Howlongtocompletetheexudation?

Shecheckedherwristcom.Twominutes.Canyouholdyourbreaththatlong?

Notenoughtime,itseemed.InoddedasIwatchedhercoverherhandswith

gloves.KleeFourteenisveryefficient.

Youdon'tsay.CherijogentlyslidrestrainingclaspsovereachoftheBinders

limbsandtightenedthemtoimmobilizeit.


53/131

53Youareboundtoher,theBindermurmuredtome.butshedoesnotrealize

this?

Youaremistaken,Itoldit.

Yourbondsaresostrongtheynearlybecomevisiblewitheachwordyouspeak.

ItglancedatCherijo.Youshoulddeclarethemtoher.

Cherijolookedatmewithherbrowsraised,andItoldhertheBinderwas

expressingsincereregretsforitsactions.Shenoddedandfinishedsettingtheroom

controlstodischarge,thenspoketotheBinder.Youmustnothavewantedtodietoo

badly,ifyoucameforhelp.

TheBinderwaspoliteandimitatedhersmile,thenglancedatme.Sheshows

compassiontotheweakandtheguilty.Sheisbeautiful,linguist.Mymate,TwoofBind

02376,ismuchthesame.Youshouldrevealyourbondassoonaspossible,before

anotherclaimsher.

Beforeshecouldask,ItoldCherijo,Ithadsecondthoughtsaftertheact.Twoof

Bind02376willnotsurvivewithoutit.

Lovetriumphsoverdespair,shesaidasshegentlytouchedoneoftheBinders

tremblinglimbs.Holdthearmstillforme,Reever.Likethis.Imgoingtoinjectatthe

bicepularjoint.Ihavetogetthisnexttotheplasmastream,orweareallgoingtobe

vaporized.Shecarefullypositionedthesyrinpressandadministeredthecounteragent.

Now,takeadeepbreath,chieflinguist,andshutup.

Holdingmybreathandremainingimmobilewasnotdifficult.Ihadfoughtmany

underwaterboutsduringmyslavedays.Iwasmoreworriedabouthermoving

inadvertentlyshewasneverstill.Infact,Ihadneverknownhertoremaininonespot

formorethanafewseconds.


54/131

54Isawherwatchingthereadoutontheroomconsole.Herthoughtsdarkened,

andthebleaknessrolledoffherintangiblewaves.Therewasatonetothemthat

echoedinsideme.Shesthinkingofherparent.Ihadonlycollectedavagueimageof

themanfromourlinkinthegnorragroves,buthehadleftapowerfulimpressiononher.

Whatevershefeltforherfather,itwasnotahappyemotion.

Ifeltacorrespondingdarknessspreadthroughmyownthoughts. Didhemake

hersuffer,asIsuffered?Ihadanirrationalurgetofindthisparentofhersandcrushhis

windpipeinslowincrements.

Shecaughtmygaze,andmetitwithherown.Herexpressionchangedfrom

gravetocurious,andthebleaknessofherthoughtsevaporated.

Sheisbeautiful.

Whentheevacuationunitsswitchedoff,wereleasedourheldbreath,andI

watchedherwipehereyeswiththebackofherhand.

Tearswerefallingfromhereyes,butshesmiledatme.Itwasthetypeoffacial

expressionIhadobservedotherTerranssharewithcloseassociates,orlifemates.An

acknowledgementofsharedcamaraderie,unspokenconfidences.Hersmilepromised

thingsthatwedidnotshare.

Wordsroseinsideme,wordsthatIsensedwouldbeextremelyunwisetospeak.

Doyouneedanythingelse,doctor?

Icanhandleitfromhere.

Good.Iexitedtheexamroomwithoutlookingback.

#

Ibroodedovermysituationwiththedoctorfortheremainderoftheday.Itwould

havebeenwisertoremainattheFreeClinic,givenherfavorablemoodaftertheBinders


55/131


56/131

56Iexcusedmyselfandfollowedtheeastpath,catchingsightofCherijojustbefore

sheenteredtheHallofArtandExpression.Itseemedanoddplaceforhertovisit,until

IsawtheJorenianpilotfollowherin.Perhapstheyhadarrangedtomeethere,to

discusstheexhibits.Jorenianswereknowntobesomewhatconservativeinregardto

colorandform;Idoubtedhewouldhaveanyopinionsofgreatinteresttosharewithher.

Ornot.

Iwaitedforafewmomentsoutside,butwhentheydidnotreemergeIwent

inside.Icouldhearthepilotsdeepvoiceandhersofter,higher-pitchedtoneasthey

conversedattheotherendofthehall.IstayedintheshadowsasIdrewcloseenough

tohearwhattheyweresaying.CherijowastellingKaoTorinaboutanunpleasant

encounterwithanotherTerran.Notme,butapilotnamedSpringfield.

MydesireebbedasIlistened,andmyhandscurledintofists. IfthisTerran

harmedher

Cherijo,didheharmyou?Torinasked.

ThefactthattheJoreniangavevoicetomyexactthoughtsstartledme.His

specieswasnottelepathic,althoughitwassaidtheysharedacertainproximityempathy

withtheirlifemates.

Ofcoursenot,shesaid.

TheJorenianwasnotconvinced.Didhethreatenyou?

No.Hedidntdoanythingtome.Stopit.

Iknowthisman.Torinsoundedgrim.Hehasacarelessmouth.

HewasjustbeingTerran.Shesighed.

Isteppedouttoseehimtouchherface.MyknifewasinmyhandbeforeI

realizedIhaddrawnit.


57/131

57Therearemanydifferencesbetweenourpeople.Torinwasmorethantwice

hersize,soheseemedtobeloomingoverher.Doyouregretbeingassociatedwith

me?

No.Idontcarewhatanyonesaysaboutus.

Iwentverystill.Shecaredforhimdeeply.Icouldseeitonherface,inhereyes.

Icouldhearitinhervoice.

IcanneverbeTerran,Healer.

IllneverbeJorenian.Shefrowned.Springfieldisajerk,Terraiswelcometo

him.

Tellmewhatisinyourheart.

Ilistenedasshebanteredwithhim.Sheresortedtohumortoavoidemotional

confrontations,butthistimesheseemedtobesincerelyconcernedaboutthedisparity

betweentheiroccupations.Torinmatchedherwit,whichwasprobablywiseofhim,

thenspokeofbonding.

IhadnotconsideredthatCherijomightwishtoestablishintimacywithanother

maleparticularlyamaleofadifferentspecies.Shehadbeenbredonthehomeworld,

andIhadthoughtshemightcarryatleastsomeofthenativeprejudices.

Yethereshewas,inlovewithanalien.

Shespokeseriouslyfromthatpoint,andtheyexchangedtheirviewson

interspeciesrelationships.Torinwasputtinghishandsonher,touchingherskinand

herhairwithgrowingintimacy.Thenhespokeofit,indicatingwithsomefinessethathe

hadstrongsexualdesireforher.

JoreniansdidnotshareintimacieswithanyonebutaChosenbondmate.He

wouldhavetoclaimhertotakeher,andaJorenianbondedforlife.


58/131

58ItwastimeIinterrupted,beforeCherijofoolishlypledgedherselftothismale.He

hadnotexplainedittoheradequately,shehadnoideaofwhatshewasbeingdrawnto

do.YetbeforeIcouldspeak,thepilotgatheredherinhisarmsandkissedher.

Toseethemlikethat,tofeelthestrengthofherarousalprojectinglikearadiant

corona,banishedmostofthedesireandtheviolenceIfelt.Allthatwasleftwasavoid

insideme,oneIhadnotfeltsincethedayIhadmetCherijo.

Shewasnottobemine.Shewouldneverbemine.

IlefttheHalljustbeforeagroupofstudentsentered,andwalkedbacktomy

glidecar.AlthoughIhadbeenalonemostofmylife,forthefirsttimeinmemory,Idid

notenjoymysolitarystate.

#

Intheweeksthatfollowed,IavoidedCherijoGreyVeil,immersedmyselfinwork

andbeganmakingtentativepreparationstoleaveK-2.Iwouldnotbereturningtothe

FactionorcollaboratingwiththeLeague,andwhilecommittingsuicidestillhadits

merits,Ifoundmyselfstrangelyreluctantattheprospectofendingmylife.It

seemed...cowardly.

Ibegansearchingstarchartsinanattempttolocatearemote,non-Leagueworld

freeofslaversandopentooffworldimmigrants.Inarrowedmyinquiriestomulti-

speciescolonies,andpreparedalist.Wherevermorethanonespecieslivedtogether,

alinguistwouldfindwork.

IfIfoundonefarenoughawayfromK-2,intimeImightbeabletoforgetabout

her.

AdministratorHansenrequestedameetingwithme,butIdidnotrespond.

SeeingherremindedmeofCherijoandthatfirstdayattheTradingCenter,andIknew


59/131


60/131

60 Idontunderstandwhatyoumean.

Shemadeacircleonthearmofherchairwithoneofherslim,manicuredfingers.

Iveknownyouforalongtime,andIveneversensedanyofyouremotions.

Idonthaveany.

Sheseemedsurprised.Whywouldyouthinkthat?

Irosefrommychairandturnedmybacktoher,discipliningmythoughtsand

concentratingmyfocusontheviewofthebusyglidepathoutsidemyoffice.Iwas

neverexposedtohumanemotions.BythetimeIbecameawareofthedeficiency,my

personalityhadalreadybeenformed.

Yourparentswerehuman.

Iglancedbackather.Myparentswerededicatedscientists,Ana.Theywere

concernedwithinvestigatingaliencultures,notwithmypsychologicalwellbeing.They

hadnotbeenconcernedaboutmeintheleast,butstatingthatseemedunnecessary.

ThusIhavenoemotions.

Isee.Shehesitated.Itmaynotbemyplacetotellyouthis,Duncan,butIm

afraidyouhavethemnow.

Ireturnedtomydesk.Thatishighlyunlikely.

AndifIbringCherijoGreyVeilhere?

IimaginedCherijoinmyoffice.Iwouldsecurethedoorpanel,andclearoffthe

topofmyconsole.ThenIwouldconvincehertoforgetabouttheJorenian.Iwould

enjoydoingthat.

Anacaughtherbreath.Oh,my.Forgiveme,Duncan,Ididntknow.

Isatdown,annoyedwithmyself-indulgentfantasy.Youdidnotknowwhat?

Hercheeksturnedpink.Isuspectedyouhadaninterestinher,but


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61not...nothingasintenseasyourefeeling.

Continuingtodenyitservednopurpose.Iamphysicallyattractedtoher.

Yes,Ican...tell.Shepressedthetipsofherfingerstohertempleandmadea

circlingmotion.Haveyouspokentoher?Toldheranyofthis?

No.IthoughtofTorin,andthemanywaysIhadplottedhisdeathformyown

amusement.Heraffectionsarepresentlyengagedelsewhere.

IknowshesbeenseeingaJorenianpilot,butshesnotbondedtohim.WhenI

didntreply,sheadded,Duncan,youstillhaveachance.

Iarchedabrow.Iprefernottocompete.

Well,youlljusthavetogetoverthatandtry.Anagotupandcamearoundthe

desk,andofferedoneofherhands,palmout.Wouldyouallowme?

Iglanceddown.Ididnotknowyouusedtouch.

Imnotatelepath,butcontacthelpsstrengthenmyprojection.Shesmiled.I

wontintrudeonyourmemories.Ionlywanttorelaysomethingtoyouthatwordswill

notexpress.

Itookherhand,andfeltthegentlebrushofherthoughtsassheopenedhermind

tome.Iheldmyguardsinplace,buttherewasnoneedforthem;shekeptherword

anddidnottrytointrudeonmythoughts.Instead,sherelayedwhatshehadnothad

thewordstodescribe.

IsawayoungerversionofAnaonwhatappearedtobealunarcolony.Shewas

standinginanobservationdome,lookingoutatthestars.Irecognizedthetall,thin

malebesideherfromaphotoscanshekeptonherdesk.

ThatisElarswithme,shethoughttome.Hewasmymate.


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62 Elarssmixedparentagewasevident,giventhepurplishtingetohisskinand

irregularityofhisfeatures.LikeallVenyar,hehadtwomouths,oneabovehischin,and

theotherbelowit.HespokefrombothtotheyouthfulAna,andtheharmonyofhistwin

voiceswasquiteunique.

DoyoumissTerra?hesaid.

Sometimes.Shewrappedherarmsaroundherself.Imissthesmall,familiar

things.Beingabletofeelthesunonmyface,hearthewindrustletheoakleaves

outsidemybedroomwindow.Thesmellofwildflowers.Shegrimaced.SometimesI

thinkIwouldkillforapoundofrealchocolate.

Elarsrestedoneofhishandsaroundedappendagewithseveralabbreviated

digitsonhershoulder.Youwillbereturningsoon.Yourcontracthereisnearly

completed.Hesoundedsad.Thenitwillbemyturntomissonesmall,familiarthing.

Shepressedherhandoverhis.Imnotgoingbackwithoutyou.

Myresidencypermitswerenotapproved,hesaid.

Iknow.Shelookedupathim.ThatswhyImnotgoingback.Ifwecantbe

togetheronmyhomeworld,wellfindsomewhereelsetolive.

Hedrewherclose.Ana,please.Thinkwhatyouaredoing.Ihaveseenfor

myselfhowdifficultamixedspeciesrelationshipcanbe.

Iminlovewithyou,andIwanttobewithyou.Thehellwiththedifficulties.She

reachedupashebenttoher,andtheykissednotaltogetherintheTerranfashion,

givenElarssadditionalmouthbutwithgreataffection.Anarelayedthesensationsand

emotionsshestillrememberedfromthatmoment,thenslowlywithdrewfrommymind.

Yousacrificedeverreturningtoyourhomeworldforhim.


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63Yes.MyrelationshipwithElarswasworthit.Shesteppedback.Iwouldhave

donealmostanythingtostaywithhim.Doyouunderstand,Duncan?

Inodded.Ana,Cherijodoesnotloveme.Icannotloveher.

Nonsense.Shetappedherfingeragainstmychest.Whatyoureexperiencing

whatyouredismissingasphysicaldesireisthebeginningoflove.And,unlessyou

nurtureit,itwillnevergrow.

HernaivetwascriminalifonlysheknewwhatIwas.Shedoesnotcarefor

me.

Cherijowillnotadmitit,butIhavesensedaverystrongattractiononhersideas

well.Anascolordeepened.Pleasedontrepeatthattoher,shewouldntappreciate

it.

Verywell.Ifoundtherevelationsomewhatencouraging.Howdoyoupropose

Inurturethisprematurelove?

Youneedtospendtimealonewithherawayfromthecolony,awayfromwork.

Shethoughtforamoment.WilliamMayerandIhavehadseveralconversations

recentlyaboutCherijo.Icanarrangeforyouandthedoctortotakeahiatustogether,

offplanet.Twodaysshouldbesufficient,Ithink.

ThethoughtofspendingthatmuchtimealonewithCherijowasexcitingand

dangerous.IamtoobusytoleaveK-2.

Sheproppedherhandsonherhips.Duncan,youeitherspendafewdaysoff

planetorIhaveyouundergoapsych-eval.

Cherijowillnotagree.

Cherijowonthaveachoice.Anapointedtomyconsole.Now,turnthatoff

andgopack.AndDuncan.


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64Imethergaze.

Tellherhowyoufeel,orIwill.

#

Truetoherword,theadministratorarrangedfortheOenrallianpilotDhreento

transportCherijoandItoaresortmooninaneighboringsystem.ThelasttimeIhad

visitedCaszariasMoon,IhadbeenanalyzingitforsecurityandviabilityasaHsktskt

target.NaturallyIhadexaggeratedtheresortworldsdefensesystemsand

underestimatedthestaticpopulation,makingitappearunworthyofaraiderattack.

Goodmorning,Dhreen,IgreetedtheOenrallianasIboardedhisship.

Goodtoseeyou,chief.Youcanstowyourcaseoverthere.Heindicateda

cargobinandcheckedhiswristcom.IftheDocdoesntarrivesoon,wemayhaveto

sendoutareconnaissancesquad.

Isecuredmycaseandthenstudiedtheinterioroftheship.Itresembleda

transportdisposalsite.Itakeityoureagreatbelieverinsalvageparts.

Whybuyitnewwhenyoucanscroungeitused?Hegrinnedatme.Youlook

prettynervous.Bigdate,huh?

Perhaps.Idohaveafavortoaskofyou.Iglancedattheentranceramp.

Whileweareonthissojourn,willyouremainwithusasmuchaspossible?

Yeah,sure,ifyouwantmeto.Hescratchedoneofhishorns.Anyparticular

reasonwhy?

Iwasafraidofbeingalonewithher.Iamnotusedtobeingincloseproximity

withotherhumans.

Theyrenotsobad,whentheydontspitonyou.Andthedoccanbealaugha

minute.Hesquintedatme.Okay,Illstickaround.Haventtakenanytimeoffina


65/131

65traderscycle,mightaswellkickback.Hiswristcomchimed,andheansweredit.

Someoneneedstoseeyoubeforewetakeoff.

IlefttheshipandreturnedtoMainTransport,whereawhite-hairedTerranmale

waswaitingforme.Heworeaphysicianstunic,andhisgazewassharpandshrewd.

Hedidnotoffertoshakehands,butindicatedIproceedhimintoasmallmeetingroom.

ChiefLinguist,Idontbelievewevemetbefore.ImDr.WilliamMayer.

Irecognizedthevoice,ofcourse.DuncanReever.

Iknowyourshipisscheduledtolaunchshortly,soIllgetrighttothepoint.Dr.

GreyVeilisthebestphysicianIhaveonstaff.Hisbrowslowered.Shesalsoayoung

womanwithverylittleexperienceoflifeoutsidehermedicalpractice.

Ihavenoticedthat,sir.OddthathisopinionofCherijohadimprovedso

dramaticallyandwhywasheactinglikeaparent,checkinguponanadolescent

daughter?

Good.Hisbrowslowered.Thenyoullhavenoobjectiontokeepingclose

watchoverherwhileyoureattheresort.

Olderhumanmalesoftenfeltprotectivetowardyoungerfemalemembersofthe

speciespossiblybecauseoftheirownlatentfeelingstowardthembutIsensed

somethingmorebehindhiswarning.Youbelievehertobeindanger?

Shewillbemorevulnerable,awayfromthecolony.Heglancedouttheview

panelatthedockpads.Herfatherisaverypowerfulman,andhewisheshertoreturn

tothehomeworld.Shewillnotdosowillingly.

Iunderstand.Notentirely,butperhapsIcouldlearnmorefromCherijowhilewe

wereattheresort.Isthereanythingelse?


66/131


67/131

67Whenshemoved,Ilookedup,andsawherbrushingherbraidbackoverher

shoulderinanabsentgesture.Therewasanoddmarkonthesideofherneckwhich

hadnotbeentherethelasttimeIhadseenher.Andshewasnotthinkingofmeatall

herthoughtswerefocusedontheJorenian.

YoucansignalPilotTorinwhenwereachCaszariasMoon,ItoldherasI

studiedthewing-shapedsymbol.ItwasnotlikeanyartificialdermalenhancementIhad

everseen.

Shecoveredthemarkwithherhand.Don'tdothat.

Whywasshetryingtohideitfromme?Iwouldhavetolearnwhatthemark

meant.Dowhat?

Readmythoughts!

Theywereapparentwithoutneedofthetelepathiclink.Whichshouldhave

madethemimpossibleformetoread.IhadnotrealizedIwaspickingupherrandom

thoughtpatternsatallandIwasnttouchingher.

Clearlyshedidnotbelieveme.DidAnaHansenhavesomethingtodowithyou

beingontheshuttle?

Herexactwordswere,Duncan,youeitherspendafewdaysoffplanetorIhave

youundergoapsych-eval,Irespondedtruthfully.

I'llgetevenwithher,shepromisedwithdarkpleasure.TheremustbeaRilken

conventionIcansteerherwayinthenearfuture.

IdidnotrespondtothatasIwasstillcontemplatingthefactthatIcouldknow

whatshewasthinkingwithoutalink.Myabilitieshadnotchanged;perhapsherswere

growingstronger.Itmayhavebeenduetoourisolationaswellwithoutsomanyother

mindsaroundustodistractme,Icouldfocussolelyonher.Orsheonme.


68/131

68Itwasextremelypuzzling.

Shefoldedherhandsandrestedthemonherknee.Haveyoueverbeento

Caszaria'sMoon?

Yes.

Asparkofinterestglowedinhereyes.What'sitlike?

Theasteroidisonethousand,fourhundredTerranstandardkilometersin

diameter,Itoldher.Artificialdomecontainedatmosphere,fivevisitorcenterswhich

offer

Sheheldupherhand.Okay,okay.Didyouhavefun?

Ithoughtofthesurvey.ComposingreasonableliesfortheHsktskthadnotbeen

veryenjoyable,butIcouldnottellherthat.TheTerranconceptoffunhadnever

seemedverylogicaltomeinthefirstplace.Somehumansthoughttravelacrosstheir

worldtoexoticlocationswasfun.Othersthoughtwatchingprofessionalathletesbeing

electrocutedforgamepenaltiesbeforealiveaudiencewasjustasentertaining.

Didyoulikeitall?

Ifoundittobeasuitablelocationfortheparticularsoftheassignment.Indeed,

myprevaricationregardingthemoonhadaddedconvincingweighttomyargumentthat

thequadrantwastoopoorandwellguardedtobeofvaluetotheFaction.Ithadnot

entertainedme,exactly,butIhadtakengreatsatisfactioninmyaccomplishment.

Youwentthereisalinguist,then.

Thatiscorrect.

Shestudiedmeforamoment.Reever,haveyoueverlivedonTerraforany

lengthoftime?


69/131

69Irecalledmytimeatschool,mostofwhichIspentintheadjunctjuvenile

correctionfacility.NoonehadbelievedIwasdefendingmyselfwhenIdisabledolder

andmuchlargerstudentswhohadtriedtobeatme.Ithadbeenarelieftoleavethat

miserableplace.Fourpointtworevolutions.

DidyoudecideyouhatedTerranssomuchthatyouwoulddoeverythingwithin

yourpowernottobelikethem?

Ihadtried.Duringthefirstmonthsattheeducationfacilityinwhichmyparents

hadcastme,Iattemptedtoformacquaintanceswithothersofmyspecies.Theyearsof

livingamongalienshadlefttheirmarkonme,however,andtheonlythingTerrans

hatedmorethanalienswasoneoftheirspecieswhodidnt.Notarotationha

s. l. viehl - illumination

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