Foster Carers’ and Natural Foster Carers’ and Natural Mothers’ views and experiences Mothers’ views and experiences

in sustaining connections for in sustaining connections for children and young people in children and young people in

foster carefoster careRos ThorpeRos ThorpeChris KleaseChris Klease

School of Social Work & Community School of Social Work & Community WelfareWelfare

James Cook University, QueenslandJames Cook University, Queensland

Paper presented at Paper presented at 2006 ACWA Conference, 2006 ACWA Conference, PositivePositive FuturesFutures, ,

SydneySydney..

Working to sustain connections for children in care is acknowledged

to be one of the more challenging

aspects of present day fostering

This paper is based on two This paper is based on two research studies research studies

conducted in North conducted in North Queensland.Queensland.

Each canvassed the issue of Each canvassed the issue of what works well in what works well in

sustaining connections sustaining connections

The Queensland contextThe Queensland context

An inclusive model of fostering An inclusive model of fostering key principles of key principles of

reunification where possiblereunification where possible continuing contact in long term care continuing contact in long term care

regardless of the probability of reunificationregardless of the probability of reunification emphasis on identity and stability emphasis on identity and stability care of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander care of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander

children within their own communitieschildren within their own communities

1999 Child Protection Act1999 Child Protection Act

The Foster Carer StudyThe Foster Carer Study2002-2003 Mackay/Whitsunday region, Qld2002-2003 Mackay/Whitsunday region, Qldcomprehensive, semi-structured in-depth comprehensive, semi-structured in-depth interviewsinterviews115 foster carers from 76 foster caring 115 foster carers from 76 foster caring familiesfamilies

74 general carers74 general carers19 relative and 17 “known to child” carers19 relative and 17 “known to child” carers22 Indigenous carers22 Indigenous carers71 female and 44 male71 female and 44 male66 long term and 49 never long term66 long term and 49 never long term

The Natural Mother studyThe Natural Mother study

Small Honours study to complement the Small Honours study to complement the large foster carers studylarge foster carers study Interviews with six Townsville women with Interviews with six Townsville women with

children in foster care. children in foster care. mothers’ views canvassed mothers’ views canvassed inter aliainter alia on on

the qualities they valued most in foster carers the qualities they valued most in foster carers their insights into the fostering roletheir insights into the fostering role the barriers they confronted in maintaining the barriers they confronted in maintaining

meaningful connections with their childrenmeaningful connections with their children

Note: “Natural mother” is the term preferred by women whom Note: “Natural mother” is the term preferred by women whom many writers call “birth mothers”many writers call “birth mothers”

Our key messageOur key message

Findings from the two research Findings from the two research studies highlight the centrality studies highlight the centrality of of empathyempathy and and compassioncompassion between foster carers and between foster carers and natural parents in sustaining natural parents in sustaining meaningful connections with meaningful connections with their childrentheir children

Research antecedents re Research antecedents re EmpathyEmpathy

Where adopters had “a high capacity to Where adopters had “a high capacity to take the perspective of others” and take the perspective of others” and “show empathy for both a child and his “show empathy for both a child and his or her birth relatives” then “contact or her birth relatives” then “contact with birth relatives is more likely to be with birth relatives is more likely to be comfortable and sustained” comfortable and sustained” [Neil 2002, 14][Neil 2002, 14]

Critical factors are:Critical factors are: Adopters’ understanding of the long Adopters’ understanding of the long

term value of contact to the childterm value of contact to the child Respect for birth relativesRespect for birth relatives

EmpathyEmpathy is … the capacity to is … the capacity to understand accurately the perceptions understand accurately the perceptions and emotions of another person in such a and emotions of another person in such a way that this understanding can be used way that this understanding can be used in responding to the other person’s in responding to the other person’s situation (Hugman 2005)situation (Hugman 2005)

Compassion Compassion is … A response of active is … A response of active concern towards the misfortune of concern towards the misfortune of another person: that is, empathic another person: that is, empathic understanding PLUS positive regard for understanding PLUS positive regard for the well being of the other (Hugman the well being of the other (Hugman 2005)2005)

In the context of foster In the context of foster care/adoptioncare/adoption

Empathy isEmpathy is A high capacity to take the perspective of A high capacity to take the perspective of

othersothers(Neil 2002)(Neil 2002)

Compassion isCompassion is Openness of attitude; generous and Openness of attitude; generous and

inclusive inclusive (Fratter 1996)(Fratter 1996)

The foster carer studyThe foster carer study Attitudes to a foster child’s Attitudes to a foster child’s

familyfamily

37 predominately positive37 predominately positive

40 predominately mixed40 predominately mixed

36 predominately negative36 predominately negative

[N=113: 2 foster carers made no evaluative comments.][N=113: 2 foster carers made no evaluative comments.]

Note: no significant differences between categories Note: no significant differences between categories of foster carersof foster carers

THE “WELFARE PRINCIPLE” THE “WELFARE PRINCIPLE” ANDAND THE RIGHTS OF CHILDRENTHE RIGHTS OF CHILDREN

Welbourne (2002) identifies a Welbourne (2002) identifies a tension in child welfare practice tension in child welfare practice in which the “welfare principle”in which the “welfare principle” the need for permanence / the need for permanence / stabilitystability

is pitted against the rights of childrenis pitted against the rights of children the right to the right to identityidentity and family and family

Foster Carers and EmpathyFoster Carers and Empathy Empathy with a child’s Empathy with a child’s

need for need for stabilitystability

but withoutbut without

empathy with the empathy with the natural parentsnatural parents

are important factors in are important factors in negativenegative relationships relationships between foster carers between foster carers and the child’s family.and the child’s family.

Empathy with the Empathy with the child’s right to child’s right to iidentitydentity and family and family

together with (in together with (in some carers)some carers)

empathy with the empathy with the natural parentsnatural parents

are important factors are important factors in in positivepositive relationships between relationships between foster carers and the foster carers and the child’s family.child’s family.

Negative relationships with a child’s Negative relationships with a child’s own familyown family

Foster carers emphasise Foster carers emphasise StabilityStability Negative effect on child of neglect or abuseNegative effect on child of neglect or abuse Negative impact of contactNegative impact of contact Negative impact on child of the Department’s Negative impact on child of the Department’s

focus on natural parents, contact, focus on natural parents, contact, reunificationreunification

BUT sometimes alsoBUT sometimes also Reluctant acknowledgement of child’s interest Reluctant acknowledgement of child’s interest

in contact in contact (the “mixed” sub group of foster carers)(the “mixed” sub group of foster carers)

Negative relationships with a child’s Negative relationships with a child’s own familyown family

can result in assertions that the natural parents can result in assertions that the natural parents will:will: never change (reform) never change (reform) are not worthyare not worthy, or at the very least, should have , or at the very least, should have

conditions imposed before any attempt at conditions imposed before any attempt at reunification is permitted (e.g. Rehab, Parenting reunification is permitted (e.g. Rehab, Parenting Programs, constant supervision)Programs, constant supervision)

foster carers see themselves as advocates for the foster carers see themselves as advocates for the child, to the child, to the exclusionexclusion of the child’s own family: of the child’s own family: lobbying for permanency to provide safety and lobbying for permanency to provide safety and

security for the child security for the child lobbying against reunificationlobbying against reunification lobbying for no contactlobbying for no contact

Negative or Mixed attitudes to a child’s Negative or Mixed attitudes to a child’s natural familynatural family

NegativeNegative““I’d like to see that contact didn’t continue, being that neither I’d like to see that contact didn’t continue, being that neither

of ‘em will ever be accepted as candidates to have her back of ‘em will ever be accepted as candidates to have her back again. So I think it’s just a torment.” again. So I think it’s just a torment.” [non-Indigenous Relative[non-Indigenous Relative carer] carer]

““It’s the child that the government should look at; it should be It’s the child that the government should look at; it should be stable. The child must be stable.” stable. The child must be stable.” [non-[non-Indigenous Limited carer]Indigenous Limited carer]

MixedMixed““. . . . . . most people think that because they’ve been abused by most people think that because they’ve been abused by

their families that they won’t really want anything to do their families that they won’t really want anything to do with them. But they do; they seem to put their parents on a with them. But they do; they seem to put their parents on a pedestal. It’s the weirdest thing that you deal with in foster pedestal. It’s the weirdest thing that you deal with in foster caring; it doesn’t matter how much love you give these caring; it doesn’t matter how much love you give these children, they’re still going to idolise their parents, and children, they’re still going to idolise their parents, and that’s where they wanna be.”that’s where they wanna be.”

[non-Indigenous General carer][non-Indigenous General carer]

Emphasis on a child’s need for StabilityEmphasis on a child’s need for Stability without empathy with the natural without empathy with the natural

parentsparentsCan result in Can result in

foster carers feeling spurned by foster child continuing foster carers feeling spurned by foster child continuing to love natural parents despite disappointmentsto love natural parents despite disappointments

foster carers feeling that the Department favours foster carers feeling that the Department favours natural parents’ needs over their needs as foster carersnatural parents’ needs over their needs as foster carers

conflicts about money, hair cuts, choice of schools, conflicts about money, hair cuts, choice of schools, sporting activities, clothing etcsporting activities, clothing etc

foster child left with divided loyalties between own foster child left with divided loyalties between own and foster familyand foster family

foster child losing their sense of identity and foster child losing their sense of identity and belongingbelonging

Positive relationships with child’s Positive relationships with child’s own familyown family

Foster carersFoster carers Understand that children do love Understand that children do love

their parents, despite …their parents, despite …

Understand that children need foster Understand that children need foster carers to be positive about their carers to be positive about their parentsparents

Understand the need to share love Understand the need to share love and care with natural parentsand care with natural parents

Positive relationship with child’s Positive relationship with child’s own familyown family

Foster carersFoster carers Actively recognise contact is important to Actively recognise contact is important to

the child re:the child re: Emotional security: reassurance of parents’ loveEmotional security: reassurance of parents’ love Reassurance that parents are OKReassurance that parents are OK Understanding why they are in careUnderstanding why they are in care Sense of belonging and identitySense of belonging and identity Helps child to make up own mindHelps child to make up own mind

Recognise reunification as a goal in the Recognise reunification as a goal in the child’s best interestschild’s best interests

Find a good relationship with parents helps Find a good relationship with parents helps them to better understand the childthem to better understand the child

Empathy with and compassion forEmpathy with and compassion for natural parents natural parents

Understanding: “Understanding: “Walking in their shoes Walking in their shoes ””

Tolerance and non-judgementTolerance and non-judgement

Understanding natural parents’ loss, and need Understanding natural parents’ loss, and need for contact: “for contact: “Imagine how they feel Imagine how they feel ””

Understanding natural parents’ hope for Understanding natural parents’ hope for reunificationreunification

Share love for the childShare love for the child

Understanding natural parents’ difficulties in Understanding natural parents’ difficulties in working with (around) the Departmentworking with (around) the Department

Cultural awareness: value contact with the Cultural awareness: value contact with the “overlapping layers of extended family” PLUS “overlapping layers of extended family” PLUS knowledge of country, spirituality, knowledge of country, spirituality, ceremonies, protocols etcceremonies, protocols etc

Empathy with and compassion for Empathy with and compassion for natural parentsnatural parents

““I felt really bad when we had to meet the twins’ I felt really bad when we had to meet the twins’ parents when we were at the hospital. We were parents when we were at the hospital. We were just upset seeing the mother hand the baby over to just upset seeing the mother hand the baby over to us, like that was like I was stealing their babies us, like that was like I was stealing their babies and that made me cry and [my partner] cry, and he and that made me cry and [my partner] cry, and he gave that lady a cuddle. That was stressful, yeah. gave that lady a cuddle. That was stressful, yeah.

We’ve spoken to the foster children’s parents, like We’ve spoken to the foster children’s parents, like we just let them know that their child will be we just let them know that their child will be looked after really well and we’ll care for them and looked after really well and we’ll care for them and love them just as our own until they get their lives love them just as our own until they get their lives sorted out.” sorted out.”

[Indigenous General carer][Indigenous General carer]

Positive relationships with natural Positive relationships with natural parents:parents:

what works wellwhat works well Reassure children that natural parents do love themReassure children that natural parents do love them ““Talk up” the family to the childTalk up” the family to the child Help children understand Help children understand Work to establish good relationship with natural Work to establish good relationship with natural

parentsparents Work towards reunificationWork towards reunification Persist with contact despite difficulties, and also Persist with contact despite difficulties, and also

when reunification is unlikelywhen reunification is unlikely Act as a role model / mentor / friend to natural Act as a role model / mentor / friend to natural

parentsparents Advocate with the Department on behalf of parentsAdvocate with the Department on behalf of parents Find creative ways of working with challenging Find creative ways of working with challenging

situationssituations

Good practice in challenging Good practice in challenging situationssituations

““It was a sexual abuse issue so the kids weren’t It was a sexual abuse issue so the kids weren’t allowed to be alone with him. They had to have allowed to be alone with him. They had to have a supervised visit. I think that from the first a supervised visit. I think that from the first time we did that, it was a bit hard, making time we did that, it was a bit hard, making conversation with [natural father] but he’s mad conversation with [natural father] but he’s mad about cars and motorbikes so [my partner] was about cars and motorbikes so [my partner] was able to make him feel a bit more comfortable able to make him feel a bit more comfortable and now they talk cars, and bikes and the kids and now they talk cars, and bikes and the kids love it that they see us as old friends. love it that they see us as old friends.

I think that it’s easy to judge people. Yes, they I think that it’s easy to judge people. Yes, they did terrible things to their children . . . but to did terrible things to their children . . . but to try to look for the good points for the kids’ sake. try to look for the good points for the kids’ sake. You know, to encourage a good relationship You know, to encourage a good relationship with them. And maybe sort of then that helps with them. And maybe sort of then that helps the kids work through the bad things too.” the kids work through the bad things too.”

[non-Indigenous General carer 310][non-Indigenous General carer 310]

Implications for education, Implications for education, training, support and professional training, support and professional

supervision for supervision for foster carersfoster carers

Not simply knowledge, but alsoNot simply knowledge, but also Thinking StrategiesThinking Strategies: providing a framework to : providing a framework to

think through the complexities of Inclusive foster think through the complexities of Inclusive foster carecare

[Neil 2002; Beek and Schofield 2006][Neil 2002; Beek and Schofield 2006]

Emotional SupportEmotional Support, so that carers’, so that carers’ feelings and feelings and own needs don’t dominate their responses own needs don’t dominate their responses

[Neil 2002; Schofield and Beek 2006][Neil 2002; Schofield and Beek 2006]

Professional Supervision/consultationProfessional Supervision/consultation, to , to encourage critical reflection and increased self encourage critical reflection and increased self knowledge, as a pathway to developing and knowledge, as a pathway to developing and sustainingsustaining empathy, compassionempathy, compassion and professional and professional values of inclusionvalues of inclusion

[Ingram 2005]

Natural mothers re foster carer Natural mothers re foster carer roles:roles:

what works well what works well

Positive and respectful relationships Positive and respectful relationships between the mothers and the foster between the mothers and the foster carers were key ingredientscarers were key ingredients

Two mothers spoke of the importance Two mothers spoke of the importance of building a friendship and of building a friendship and encouraging open communication. encouraging open communication.

Natural mothers re foster carer Natural mothers re foster carer roles:roles:

what works well what works well contdcontd

What worked well for Nicole was What worked well for Nicole was conducting a business-like conducting a business-like relationship and respecting the relationship and respecting the carers’ boundaries around carers’ boundaries around contact contact

Maggie and Leigh appreciated Maggie and Leigh appreciated being kept informed of their being kept informed of their children’s progress through children’s progress through regular contactregular contact

Natural mothers’ views of Natural mothers’ views of what makes a good foster carer?what makes a good foster carer?

QUALITIES OF A QUALITIES OF A GOOD FOSTER GOOD FOSTER CARERCARER

HOW TO BE A GOOD HOW TO BE A GOOD FOSTER CARERFOSTER CARER

Caring, committed, Caring, committed, compassionatecompassionate

Encourage, facilitate Encourage, facilitate and maintain contactand maintain contact

Child centred, Child centred, nurturingnurturing

Work towards Work towards reunificationreunification

Friendly, Friendly, approachableapproachable

Be a good Be a good communicatorcommunicator

Non-judgemental, Non-judgemental, respectfulrespectful

Show empathyShow empathy

RespectRespect always be aware that they are the always be aware that they are the

natural parents of the children, natural parents of the children, respect for them in that sense respect for them in that sense and … respect the natural and … respect the natural parents’ rights and obligations parents’ rights and obligations and … you know, also give them and … you know, also give them an involvement with the kids, you an involvement with the kids, you know, where the kids are not know, where the kids are not fretting for themfretting for them [Simone][Simone]

Natural mothers’ empathy Natural mothers’ empathy with with

foster carersfoster carersDenise and Leigh both had empathy for Denise and Leigh both had empathy for

their children’s foster carers and argued their children’s foster carers and argued that carers were often as powerless as the that carers were often as powerless as the parents. parents.

I’m being made an example of. I don’t think it’s I’m being made an example of. I don’t think it’s the foster carer’s fault. She even tells me that the foster carer’s fault. She even tells me that she doesn’t know half of what is going on. she doesn’t know half of what is going on.

The carers pretty much don’t have a say endlessly The carers pretty much don’t have a say endlessly when it comes to these children. The Department when it comes to these children. The Department treats some of these carers like they’re nothing. treats some of these carers like they’re nothing. Like they are there, ‘yep, you work with the kids, Like they are there, ‘yep, you work with the kids, deal with it’.deal with it’.

Implications re working Implications re working with with

natural parents Recognise the strengths of parentsRecognise the strengths of parents

Acknowledge parents’ loss & griefAcknowledge parents’ loss & grief

Understand their feelings of anger and Understand their feelings of anger and frustration are naturalfrustration are natural

Recognise the value of treating Recognise the value of treating allall stakeholders with common courtesy and stakeholders with common courtesy and respectrespect

Implications Implications cont.cont.

offer support in a way that can be offer support in a way that can be accepted. Parents want their stories accepted. Parents want their stories to be heard without blame; to be to be heard without blame; to be consulted on their children’s future consulted on their children’s future and to have a chance to meet up with and to have a chance to meet up with parents who have similar experiences.parents who have similar experiences. [O’Neill 2005][O’Neill 2005]

shift from “power over” to “power shift from “power over” to “power with” … to transform relationships with” … to transform relationships from parents fighting CP services, or from parents fighting CP services, or feigning co-operation (playing the feigning co-operation (playing the game)game) [Dumbrill 2003][Dumbrill 2003]

In conclusion …In conclusion …

The findings from both our studies The findings from both our studies bear out those from similar studies bear out those from similar studies by Masson by Masson et alet al (1997); Schofield (1997); Schofield et et alal (2000); and Scott & Honner (2004) (2000); and Scott & Honner (2004) who found that mutual respect and a who found that mutual respect and a sense that both parties are working sense that both parties are working together in the child’s best interests together in the child’s best interests underpin constructive relationships underpin constructive relationships between parents and foster carersbetween parents and foster carers..

““If you build a good relationship with If you build a good relationship with the parents, you almost always have a the parents, you almost always have a good relationship with the children”good relationship with the children” [Ellen Player in [Ellen Player in Hilpern 2006] Hilpern 2006]

Rosamund.Thorpe@jcu.edu.auRosamund.Thorpe@jcu.edu.au 07 4781 4192 07 4781 4192

chris_klease@hotmail.comchris_klease@hotmail.com

REFERENCESREFERENCES

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DUMBRILL, G. (2003) Child Welfare: AOP’s nemesis? In Shera, W. (ed) DUMBRILL, G. (2003) Child Welfare: AOP’s nemesis? In Shera, W. (ed) Emerging Perspectives on Anti-Oppressive PracticeEmerging Perspectives on Anti-Oppressive Practice. Toronto: Canadian . Toronto: Canadian Scholars’ Press Inc. Scholars’ Press Inc.

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