Interpersonal Relationships

Warm-Up #1

1. Fold a piece of paper in half. (Hotdog Style)

2. On one side of a piece of paper, list the psychological characteristics, values, and attitudes that describe your ideal romantic partner (Don’t think of anyone in particular).

3. On the other side list the psychological characteristics, values, and attitudes that describe yourself.

4. Compare these two lists. Are they more similar or different?

Learning Outcome

• HR.1.A- Examine biological, psychological (cognitive) and social origins of attraction.

Warm-Up #2

• How do you think attraction works?– Consider the biological, cognitive, and social

explanations.

Triangular Theory of LoveSternberg (1988)

Biological Explanation• Attraction from an Evolutionary Perspective– We are attracted to traits (both physical and

emotional) that will help us pass on our genes/help the group survive.

• The “Biochemical Cocktail” (Drug) of Love– Hormones (Oxytocin, adrenaline) and

Neurotransmitters (Dopamine, serotonin) drive our actions while in Love

Cognitive Explanation

• We process information on a cognitive level and determine our feelings of love.

• Attraction-Similarity Model - Byrne (1971)– We are attracted to people who we believe share

common traits as us.– Our perception of our partners is dependent on

our relationship with them.– Relationships can impact our own self-concept

Sociocultural Explanation

• Proximity Theory –Festinger et al (1950)– We become friends (and relationships) with

people that we share a physical space with.

– Buss et al. (1990)- Cultural shapes what we value in a romantic partner.

Our Task

• In small groups you will…– Read and record notes for both the Textbook excerpt

and the Study Guide. Identify the two studies that your think are most important.

– Watch the following clip from R&J and explain how your perspective would explain the origins of attraction.

– What are the strengths and limitations of your perspective?

Homework

• Find a love song and explain how at least two perspectives would explain the feelings of attraction in the song.

• HR.1.B - Discuss the role of communication in maintaining relationships.

Learning Outcome

Attribution

• Happiness in relationships are often shaped by attributions of behaviors.– Happy: Positive=Disposition; Negative= Situation– Unhappy: Positive=Situation; Negative=Disposition

Bradbury & Fitchman (1990)

• Method: Meta-Analysis of research on attribution of married couples.

• Findings: They found that poor marital quality in a couple predicted negative traits seen as dispositional and positive traits seen as situational.

• Conclusion: Attributions a couple has influences their happiness towards one another.

Ditzen (2009)

• Oxytocin and Communication…more oxytocin = better communication

Levenson & Gottman (1983)

• Procedure: Observed 30 couples in a laboratory as they had both low-conflict and high-conflict discussions.

• Findings: Unhappy couples showed higher amounts of negative emotion. Also, unhappy couples showed similar physical stress responses.

• Conclusion: Unhappy couples experience a “negative spiral of expressed negative emotions that led to increased stress and mutual unhappiness”

Gottman and Krokoff (1989)

• Procedure: Compared data from two longitudinal studies on couples. Used observations from the field and in labs.

• Finding: Anger and disagreement did not lead to unhappiness as long as the couples solved their problem. Couples who avoided conflict were less satisfied.

• Conclusion: Defensiveness, stubbornness, and withdrawal were associated with marital dissatisfaction over time.

Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

• Criticism: Attacking the partner’s personality or character to make them wrong.

• Contempt: Attacking the partner’s sense of self with the intention of insult or psychological harm (sarcasm, mockery, etc.)

• Defensiveness: Seeing yourself as the victim (Excuses, cross-complaining)

• Stonewalling: Withdrawing from the relationship as a way to avoid conflict (silent treatment, monosyllabic responses)

High School Communication Skits

• With your small group, you will create a skit that represents both positive and negative communication between romantic partners.

• Your skit should…– Include what negative communication looks like– Include what positive communication would would look like.

• Be prepared to explain what studies/concepts relate to your conversation.

Cultural Impact on Relationships

Learning Outcome

• HR.1.C – Explain the role that culture plays in the formation and maintenance of relationships.

Warm-Up

• As young adults, what characteristics do you look for in a possible romantic partner?– Examples: good grades/potential for success,

confident, same age

The Impact of Culture on Relationships

Western Cultures• Relationships are

individualistic, voluntary, and temporary.

• Choice Marriages are the norm.

• Love comes before marriage.

Non-Western Cultures• Relationships are

collectivistic, involuntary, and permanent.

• Arranged Marriages are the norm.

• Love comes after marriage.

Marriage without Love?Levine et al (1995)

• Participants: College Students from 11 countries.

• “Would you marry someone if they had all of the qualities you desired but you did not love them?– United States: 4%– United Kingdom: 8%– India: 49%– Pakistan: 51%

Cross-Cultural Study on Mate Preference-Buss et al (1990)

• Over 9,000 participants from 33 different countries

• Different countries had different preferences about possible mates

How do our understandings of culture and cultural dimensions explain this?

Buss et al. (1990)

Definitions of Culture

• Matsumoto: “a dynamic system of rules, explicit and implicit, established by groups in order to ensure their survival, involving attitudes, values, beliefs, norms, and behaviors.”

• Hofstede: A set of “Mental Software” (Schema Theory)

• Lonner: Common rules that regulate interactions and behavior in a group as well as a number of shared values and attitudes in the group.

Are Arranged Marriages Happier?

• Gupta Singh (1982): Interviewed 50 couples from India (Choice and Arranged)– Found that arranged marriages showed higher

levels of love while those in choice showed diminished levels of love

Comparing Marriage Styles

• Yelsma and Athappilly (1988): Compared 28 Indian Arranged couples, 25 Indian Love couples, and 31 American Love couples.

• Arranged Marriages scored higher on marital satisfaction compared to the couples in love marriages.

Triangular Theory of LoveSternberg (1988)

Lessons from Arranged Marriages

• What are the main differences between choice marriage and arranged marriages?

• What are the advantages of arranged marriages? Why do they work?

• What questions would you have for someone in an arranged marriage?

• Would you ever be okay with having your parents arrange a romantic partner?

Discussion Questions

• Does United States culture hold a healthy perspective on relationships?

• Would you be interested in allowing your parents to have a say in setting up relationships?

• What challenges face people in all relationships?

Why Relationships Change and End

Learning Outcome

• HR.1.D Analyse why relationships may change or end.

Social Exchange TheoryKelly & Thibaut (1959)

• We make cost-benefits that guide our behavior.– A relationship will endure as long as it is profitable

to both parties.– Balance is needed for long-term success

Equity Theory

• The relationship must be perceived as equal/balanced in order for relationships to last.– Unhappiness comes from imbalanced

relationships.

Hatfield (1979)

• Method: Interviewed 537 college students (Casual/Steady Daters)

• Findings: Individuals who perceived their relationship as equal were more happy than those who were under/over privileged.

• Conclusions: Equitable relationships are ones that will last.

Investment Model of CommitmentRusbult

• Extends on Social Exchange Theory to apply to close relationships.

• Adds dimensions of satisfaction and commitment.– Satisfaction: positivity of feelings or attraction to

partner or the relationship.– Commitment: The tendency to maintain a

relationship or feel psychologically attached to it.• Comparison to other possible relationships is key

Key ideas of Investment Model

• 1. Satisfaction in a relationship depends on rewards, costs, and the partner’s comparison to other possible relationships.

• 2. Commitment: A relationship depends on satisfaction, alternatives, & investment.

• 3. Commitment directly relates to whether a person stays in a relationship.

Satisfaction

InvestmentAlternatives

Commitment

Two Examples

• A dissatisfied partner stays in an abusive relationship because they feel as though they are lacking other options or are invested.

• A satisfied partner leaves a relationship because they feel as though they have other options or are not attached.

• Key idea: Commitment is the main factor in maintaining relationships.

Rusbult (1983)

• Method: Longitudinal study of 34 new college couples for 7 months.– Broke participants into 3 categories: The Stayers, The

Abandoned, The Leavers.

• Findings: Stayers showed more rewards, less costs, more satisfaction, less alternatives, & more commitment over the course of the study.

• Conclusions: Those rating predict lasting relationships.

Investment Model of CommitmentRusbult

• Patterns of Accommodation (responding to a partner’s negative behavior) are key to maintaining relationships.

• Constructive Accommodations: Discussing problems openly and honestly, forgiving each other, and letting problems solve naturally are key to maintaining relationships.

Flora & Segrin (2003)

• Aim: To investigate the impact of shared interests and time spent together predicts perception of happiness in a relationship.

• Participants: Young dating couples and recently married couples. (Longitudinal)

• Findings: Shared interests and spending time together was important (especially in men). For women, the amount of negative feelings/disappointment towards their partner predicted break-ups.

Our Task

• Watch the following clip from UP and explain how the ideas from this standard explain their relationship.– What makes their relationship work? How do they

use communication? How/why does their relationship change?

Discussion/Response Questions

• How might these theories relate to the happiness in arranged and choice marriages?

• What role does communication have on the changes within a relationship?