revised psychology, influence, persuasion and nlp tds version

Psychology, Influence, Persuasion and NLP/Hypnotic Language

Patterns for LawyersBy Major Mason S. Weiss

Have you ever gotten ABSORBED into a movie…you know, when you SEE SOMETHING FASCINATING…right in front of you…something that rivets your attention…NOW…As you find yourself FOCUSING IN…listening INTENTLY…and after a while the environment disappears…time stands still…and you feel intensely as you get absorbed into what you are experiencing.

Agenda

1. Resources

2. Methods of Influence

3. NLP and Hypnotic Language Patterns

A-Getting someone to do what you want them to do (and making them think it’s their idea!)

B-Getting someone to see things differently

C- Agreement frames

D-Redefine Pattern

E-Embedded Commands & Awareness Patterns

F. Awareness Patterns (Pacing and Leading

G. Weasel Phrases

I. Resources

• Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion: Robert Cialdini• Persuasion Skills Blackbook: Rintu Basuwww.thenlpcompany.com www.influenceatwork.com

www.mindframepersuasion.com

http://www.thenlpcompany.com/

http://www.influenceatwork.com/

http://www.mindframepersuasion.com/

I. Resources

Milton Erickson Richard Bandler & John Grinder

Franz Mesmer II Rintu Basu

II. Influence

Methods of Influence

Watch out for the following methods that can be used to influence you:

II. Methods Influence

1. Reciprocation

-getting gifts, getting favors.

-reciprocal concessions (Boy Scout wants you to buy chocolate bars but first offers to sell you tickets).

II. Methods of Influence

2. Commitment and Consistency

-Once you publicly commit to something, or put it in writing—it is hard for you to get out of it.

-Once you commit to a small step—it’s easier to get you to take larger steps.


3. Sunken costs: You may be inclined to stick with a bad decision because you feel you’ve already invested a lot in it.


4. Social Proof: The greater the number of people who find any idea correct, the more the idea will be correct. We will use the actions of others to decide on proper behavior for ourselves, especially when we view those others as similar to ourselves.


5. Liking: We most prefer to say yes to the requests of someone we know and like. Tupperware party model.

Watch out for: physical attractiveness, similarity, compliments, contact and cooperation.


6. Authority: Stanley Milgram experiment-Titles, Clothes (Rank, Uniform!)


7. Scarcity-The way to love anything is to realize it may be lost (GK

Chesterton).

-Mormon temple tour

-Rare stamps

“People seem to be more motivated by the thought of losing something than by the thought of gaining something of equal value.”


8. Reactance (scarcity)-As opportunities become less available, we lose freedoms;

and we hate to lose the freedoms we already have.

-When increasing scarcity—or anything else—interferes with our prior access to some item, we will react against the interference by wanting and trying to possess the item more than before.

-Romeo and Juliet effect

- “Inadmissible” Evidence

Influence

8. Reactance (scarcity)-Hoarding when items are thought to go into short supply.

-Tendency to want what has been banned.

- “This raises the worrisome possibility that especially clever individuals holding a weak or unpopular position can get us to agree with that position by arranging to have their message restricted.”


8. Reactance (scarcity)Irony= best strategy for wackos is not publicize their

unpopular views--but to get them censored--then publicize the censorship!

Question: did the founding fathers act as sophisticated social psychologists by writing the remarkably free speech provisions of the 1st Amendment? By refusing to restrain freedom of speech, they may have attempted to minimize the chance that new political notions would win support via the irrational course of psychological reactance!


9. Negation-Telling someone not to do something only makes them

want to do it more!

Do not eat of the fruit from that tree!

III. NLP & Hypnotic Language Patterns

III. Basic Ideas

• Human beings are not static “things”—we are dynamic.

• Nominalizations, “thingify” i.e., fear, courage, hatred,

(bad in writing, bad in life!)

• “I made a decision” vs. “I decided”

• Can you put it in a wheel barrow?

III. Basic Ideas

1. Understanding some basic human psychology will enable you to influence people—starting with yourself-- and get what you want for yourself and your clients.

2. Better yet—you can get people to think that your idea was theirs all along.

3. Think Trojan Horse—coming in under the radar.

II. Basic Ideas

4. People think in language-even when not thinking

Negation examples

• Do not think about the enormous blue elephant that is not stampeding in front me right now.

• Do not get excited about these ideas!

III. Basic Ideas

•Once you understand the process—you can interrupt it and redirect people’s thoughts with where you want them to go!

•“People ask me if I ever have a problem getting someone into a trance, and I never do. I sometimes have a problem getting them out of trances they are in, the altered states where they make stupid decisions and think stupid thoughts, but trance is an every day phenomenon.”

-Richard Bandler

III. Basic Ideas

• Trance and language go together!

III. Basic Ideas

5. Asking questions, using embedded commands, and active listening works a lot better than confrontational and adversarial encounters.

-Judo-use whatever they give you!

6. Once you understand the formulas—you can plug in whatever you want and adapt them to whatever situation: social, professional, etc. you find yourself in.

7. You need to practice these things in everyday life to get good at them!

III. Basic Ideas

8. You should also know how to defend yourself when this is being done to you!

9. This skill is ethically neutral—how you use it is up to you.

But—remember—what goes around ultimately comes around.

III. Basic Ideas

10. Question: does this really work?

▪Yes- unconscious v. conscious mind

(the secretary vs. the boss)

▪but tone, sincerity, skill, etc. all matter.

▪More of an art than a science

▪You must be a good listener!

▪We all know people who can do this well.

III. Basic Ideas

11. What if you get caught?• “I thought it was you trying to persuade me? Where did you

learn your patterns?”

• “That is quite a paranoid thought, but I have heard there are people out to get you.”

III. Big Ideas

Persuasion vs. Manipulation

Manipulation involves one or more of the following:

1. Misrepresenting or concealing relevant facts;

2. Using force or threats of use of force

3. Use of painful emotions: shame, fear, guilt, inadequacy.

Persuasion: Getting someone to imagine and feel what they need to, to do what you need them to do

III. Big Ideas

I’m a hypnotist. I’ve been doing hypnosis over 20 years. Someone once said to me, “Can you make people do things against their will?” I said, “No, but the reality is that most people don’t have a will.” If you define “will” as a strong determined focus that does not waver, most people have never even gotten close to having a will. Most people at best have whims that come and go.

III. Big idea

▪The key to hypnotic persuasion= ask people to think the way you want them to think!

▪Asking questions forces the person you are speaking to provide you with the answer themselves.

▪It works because of the principle of commitment.

▪It works much better than direct commands .

III. Big idea

▪If I ask you a question—then the answer you give me back will become yours and you will feel committed to it. (Cialdini, Chinese POW camps during Korean War)

Example

• You are enjoying my presentation so far!

vs.

• Tell me, what about my presentation are you enjoying so far?

• What’s the difference? The overt command—which we resist vs. the suggestion.

Example

• You should shut up, quit complaining, and be happy for what you have.

vs.

• How would it feel if you realized that right now, you could learn to feel very happy for everything that you have…just as it is right now..without having to change anything?

• What’s the difference? The overt command—which we resist vs. the suggestion.

IV. Big Idea

Telling Stories or quoting other people works wonders—because you didn’t say it—someone else did!

“The military judge will instruct you, that if you find SPC Elder acted in self defense, then you must return a verdict of not guilty.”

“Once upon a time…..”

Telling a Story

“There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”

Telling a Story

David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!

The Patterns

A-Getting someone to do what you want them to do (and making them think it’s their idea!)

▪Premise: Telling someone what to do doesn’t usually work because even if they agree with you, their ego will resist it (if you’ve ever been married, you know this).

▪The better idea is to ask them a question.

▪Formula: What do I have to say or do to get you to do X?

or….. What needs to happen for you to do X?

(remember—it doesn’t matter what X is!)

Example 1

Bad idea:• Q: You need to change X (about yourself)• A: No I don’t!

Better idea:• Q:What do you need to realize about yourself to allow

you change X?• (or, what needs to happen so you can allow yourself to

change X?)• A: Hmmm? That’s a good question. Well, …………..

Example 2

Bad idea:• Q: You need to realize that this is the best deal for your client!• A: Well, that’s just what you think!

Better idea:• Q: What do I have to say or do for you to realize this is the best

deal for your client?• (or, what would have to happen for you to realize this is the

best deal for your client?)• A: Uh, I don’t know you—why don’t you tell me?• Q: Well, let’s talk about the results that have happened in

recent child porn cases that have gone to panel members . . . .did you know about..blah blah blah

• A: Wow, I guess maybe that 3 year deal isn’t so bad then.

B-Getting someone to see things differently

• Premise: people want to believe they are open minded.

Question: What would need to happen for you to see __x___ differently?

Answer: uh—nothing, I’m a closed-minded bigoted moron who does not ever reconsider my views on anything.

Example 1

Bad Idea:Q: I can’t believe that you still believe this case is just a “he/said,

she/said”…why don’t you understand that your client raped her!

A: Because he didn’t—and you’re just a government hack who believes every complaining witness….

Better idea:Q: What would need to happen for you to see this case differently

than just another “he/said, she/said?” incident?A: Wow, I don’t know. I guess if you could show me there is some

other evidence there.Q: I agree that would be important to know. So let’s talk about

the corroborating witnesses, etc….

Example 2

Bad idea

Q: I can’t believe you don’t understand that you were wrong about X!

A: Yeah, I am total idiot. I was so stupid. You are right…I’m not worthy! Thank you for pointing out my ignorance.

(unfortunately—this does not usually happen).

Better idea

Q: What would need to happen for you to realize that your initial impression about _____ (me, this situation, your beliefs about x,y,z) was wrong?

A: ?

C-Agreement frame

▪I agree (or I understand).

▪Using the phrase, “I agree” will work powerfully when applied correctly.

▪It works even better when you add the word “yet” into the mix.

▪And it works a hell of a lot better than starting out with, “I disagree.”

Example 1

Bad idea:• Q: I can’t believe that you are unable to analyze this case

correctly. What state are you licensed in again?

• A: Huh—you’re the one who’s not analyzing this correctly . . .and I graduated summa cum laude from…blah blah blah…

Example 1 (continued)

Better ideaQ-What would need to happen for you to realize that

you should analyze this case differently?A: Uh—I don’t know, I don’t I am analyzing it incorrectly

—that’s just what you think!Q: I agree you do not yet think you are analyzing it

incorrectly. A: Yeah, exactly!Q: So what would need to happen for you to see it

differently?A: I don’t know, why don’t you try explaining it to me the

way you see things?Q: Sure, that’s a great idea

Example 2

Bad ideaQ: Major Weiss, I can’t understand this stuff about laying a

proper foundation for DNA evidence.A: Yeah, you are pretty dense. I can’t believe they let you in

TDS and that I’m stuck with supervising you.Q: Yeah, I guess I am a total idiot. I’m sure when my client

files an IAC claim against me you’ll have some answering to do about things also.


Better ideaQ: Major Weiss, I can’t understand this stuff about laying a

proper foundation for DNA evidence.

A: I agree. You do not understand it yet, but you will be able to understand it once you have practiced it enough. What can I do to help you practice so that it becomes as natural for you as brushing your teeth?

Q: Wow, well, can you play my role and I’ll pretend to be the military judge . . .

Example 3

Bad idea:

Q: MAJ Weiss-blah blah blah blah….you should really become Chief of Administrative Law at Fort Polk when you leave here. I’ve already talked to PP&TO about it and they’ve agreed.

A: Sir—I totally disagree with you!!! I don’t want to do that!! Are you trying to give me an ulcer!

Q: (thinking to himself—I can’t believe he falls for this every time).


Better ideaQ: MAJ Weiss-blah blah blah blah….blah blah….you should

really become Chief of Administrative Law at Fort Polk when you leave here. I’ve already talked to PP&TO about it and they’ve agreed.

A: I agree…and I would add that there is a different way of looking at it that would get a better result here for both of us.

Q: Huh?

D-Redefine Pattern

• The issue isn’t X but Y (and that means Z).

• The issue is not (your point) but (my point) and now I’m going to ask you a question to focus on my point.

• X and Y do not really need to be logically related.

• Redefine pattern can be used along with the agreement pattern.

Example 1

Q: Is everyone enjoying sitting through my class now?

A: The real issue is not about sitting through this OPD with you, but why we are not talking about the socio-economic policies of Thailand…what do you think of how the economy in Thailand changes their social landscape?

Example 2

Q: I can’t believe you expect my client and I to stipulate to this testimony! Are you sure that you’re not the one who wrongfully ingested the THC!

A: Well, the issue is not whether your client agrees to stipulate to the testimony, but that you realize that the evidence will come in regardless of whether he stipulates to it or not. What would need to happen for you to realize that the evidence is coming in either way?

Example 3

Q: The issue is not about the point you are doggedly holding onto, but your insecurity in having to hold a fixed position. What are you going to do to increase your self esteem?

A: Huh?

Example 4

Q: MAJ Weiss, we need to create some new trackers for all the misconduct that’s going on here.A: Sir, I agree that it’s important to make sure we track all the misconduct that happens here.Q: That’s why you need to create more trackers.

A: Well, Sir, the real issue isn’t whether we need to make new trackers, but about making sure that the methods we have in place to track things actually work. What would you need to know to reassure you on that issue?Q: Well, it’s not—and that’s why we need more trackers!A: Sir, I agree you do not yet feel confident that cases are getting tracked . . .

E-Embedded Commands & Awareness Patterns

•Premise: using embedded commands works a lot better than just telling someone what to do—because they will resist it even if it’s true and in their best interest.•Words to use: picture, notice, see, feel, realize, find yourself, become aware, discover, etc.

•Basic Pattern: If you think of X, you will realize Y, and that means Z.

Binds and Double Binds

A bind is a statement that links a cause to an effect-but there isn’t necessarily a good causal connection between the two things.

“As you become aware of the powerful evidence we are presenting here, you will understand more and more the strength of the case against SGT Johnson.”

Example 1

• Members of the panel, as you hear the government’s evidence, you will start to notice how everything just makes sense, and how it all points to the accused’s guilt.

Example 2Using questions in conjunction with embedded commands.

Q: Members of the panel, do you realize how when you heard the accused testify—you just knew that he was lying—you felt it in your bones—just like you knew that today was Monday—and just like you know that when you return to the deliberations room you will find the accused guilty of all charges and specifications.

A: Shaking heads in agreement

Double BindsThe illusion of choice with paralysis of the brain

A double bind gives you two alternatives, which are really the same alternative, and then you add something to distract the consciousness, which is trying to figure out what the difference is between the alternatives.

-Used by Milton Erickson to give a patient a range of choices, covering all the possibilities, so that no matter what the person did, they were obeying him!

“You can go into trance now..or you can go into trance later, or you can go into trance whenever you FEEL YOURSELF beginning to go into TRANCE.”

Double BindsThe illusion of choice with paralysis of the brain

“Whether you acquit SGT Jones or whether you just decide to come back with a verdict that shows the government failed to prove its case, the important thing is that when you find for him you will return a verdict that you can look back at with pride because of all the reasons you can think of to do it. Do you know that’s how Lincoln got his reputation for justice?”

F. Awareness Patterns (pacing and leading)

Example 1• What we have been talking about so far at this OPD may

seem like a complex subject, but as we start to go through the material, and you learn some of the techniques, you might already start to become aware of how easy this is to put into practice.


Example 2 Members of the panel, this may seem like a complex case,

but as we start to go through the evidence, and you learn about what happened to SPC Shmuckatelli, you will find yourself becoming aware of how simple this case actually is . . . and you will find yourself realizing that the evidence the government is presenting here is compelling . . . .


Example 3 Q: CPT Smith, could you imagine how great it would feel if every time you walked into this building you suddenly just found yourself thinking about how pleasant it is to work with TDS on these issues and how collegial a relationship we have?

Q: Wow, you guys are really great to work with—not like that last SDC we had to deal with!

A: Well, I invite you to notice how these thoughts just keep coming up in your mind and make you feel better and better about working with us . . .


Example 4 Q: We have spent some time discussing this product? You

have seen how you benefit from it. We have gone through the requirements and discussed how well the product meets your needs. Are you ready to buy now?

A: Yes!!

--but if no:I agree you are not ready to buy yet—what else would you

need to see before you become totally convinced . . . .


Example 5 Q: CPT Weiss, we’ve spent some time discussing this great

deployment opportunity. You’ve seen how much you can benefit from it. We’ve gone through and discussed how it’s going to help your career and ensure you get promoted to Major. Are you ready to leave for Baghdad now? (even though we promised you that you would stay at this job for another year).

A: Yes.

F. Awareness Patterns (future pacing & time distortion)

Example 6 I don’t know about you, CPT America, but as we sit here

discussing this I wonder if you can STOP and imagine six months from now, after you’re really enjoying working here, and realize to yourself, ‘wow’ it all started today with this conversation!” .

G. Weasel Phrases = nonsense + embedded command

1. Have you ever

“Have you ever experienced incredible excitement, thinking about mastering new skills?”

▪Have you ever STOPPED and just considered how reasonable the Government always is with you on these issues?

▪MAJ Weiss, have you ever imagined just how much fun you would have being Chief of Ad Law at Fort Irwin?

G. Weasel Phrases

2. What’s it like when… “What’s it like when you realize that you are getting such

great instruction at this OPD? What’s it like when you suddenly realize how much fun

you can have influencing people subconsciously?

G. Weasel Phrases

3. When you . . .

“When you get incredibly happy realizing how great your life is--do you find yourself compelled to act do anything about it?

G. Weasel Phrases

4. What would it be like if . . . Can you imagine if . . . What happens when you . . .

“What would it be like if you were to find yourself realizing that you can become an incredible powerful courtroom advocate by practicing these patterns?

G. Weasel Phrases

5. If you were to . . .“If you were to find yourself becoming convinced that a 20

year deal is in your client’s best interest—would you want to sign that deal now or later . . .”

G. Weasel Phrases

6. As you . . .

“Your Honor, as you pause to consider what I am saying, you know that it is reasonable…and that means………”

G. Weasel Phrases

7. As you . . .“As you discover yourself getting more excited about what

I have to say, it’s not necessary to find yourself growing truly eager to learn more!”

G. Weasel Phrases

9. You might find (yourself) . . .“You might find that you cannot get that picture of the

accused with his bloody knife out of your mind.”

G. Weasel Phrases

10. I could tell you that/but . . .“Your Honor, I could tell you that the government has

not proved its case here, but you probably already know that without me having to say it.”

G. Weasel Phrases

11. Try to resist . . .

Try to resist implies that you will try, but you will fail. Try implies failure. As Yoda said: “Do or not do—there is no try.”

“Try to resist the growing feeling that the government’s case is totally lame and ridiculous.”

G. Weasel Phrases - Negation

1. It’s not necessary to . . .“It’s not necessary for you to find this class more and more fascinating.”

2. You really shouldn’t . . .(negation)“You really shouldn’t think about what a great deal we are offering your client here . . .”


3. I’m not going to say _____, because _______.“CPT _____, I’m not going to say you’re wrong, because that’s for you to decide.

4. I’m not going to tell you ________.“Members of the panel, I’m not going to tell you to reject everything the government told you, because only you can decide to do that.”

“SPC Jones, I’m not going to tell you to do what I recommmend here, because it’s up to you to decide your plea and forum.


5. There is no need for you to _____.“There is no need for you to allow me to do exactly what I want.

6. Don’t ______ to quickly.“Don’t agree with everything I ask for too quickly.”

7. You don’t have to _______.“You don’t have to, Ted, realize all the benefits of this contract before you sign it.”

G. Weasel Phrases

8. It’s not important . . .

It doesn’t matter . . .

It’s not important whether you X, whether you Y, or whether you Z, the important thing is _____.

G. Weasel Phrases

8. It’s not important . . .• Members of the panel, it’s not important whether you

find the accused guilty because of SPC Jones’s testimony, or because of SGT Smith’s testimony, or because of the accused’s own admissions. The important thing is that you realize that all the evidence the government has presented demonstrates his guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.

H. Countermeasures

Question the presuppositions!

1) Don’t answer the question you are asked—answer the question behind the question.

2) Don’t answer the question you are asked—answer the question you should have been asked.

I. Bonus

As I said to my wife a few nights ago, who was fretting about a work meeting coming-up: “Just imagine being able to feel comfortable knowing that you can handle any situation at work where people initially don’t wish to do what you ask. And as I’m talking about this, perhaps you’re beginning to realize you have many options in dealing with people. And if you were to think of your meeting next week, notice how you can find a solution to any potential difficulties that may arise .. or perhaps they may not. I mean, let’s face it, honey, in the past you’ve had difficult meetings and you’ve always got through them.”

Conclusion

Questions?