rev002 price: £1...this month’s picture is a happy dolphin drawn by michaela, age 23 from...

February 2013 Why Chocolate? – KRFC Magazine – Rev002 Price: £1.50

Email the editor: [email protected] 1

Why Chocolate? The Revival Years

Welcome to another spiffing edition of

Why Chocolate? The Revival Years. As

you may or may not be aware the first

edition was a rip-roaring success, selling

out within hours of hitting the shelf and

putting serious strain on the Big K

printing press. Due to this success we

have also decided to offer a digital

edition via Amazon Kindle, just search

Why Chocolate? in the Kindle store, this

will be released the same weekend as the

print edition is available from the bar. You

will be able to get all back issues through

the Kindle store at a discounted price,

they may even be free if we are feeling

generous.

As you can appreciate writing and editing

a magazine article for monthly release is a

tough job on top of people’s normal jobs

and lives, let alone a whole magazine. So

here’s how it’s going to work. To keep the

mob from the door, and because we love

it, WC? will continue to be a monthly

publication, it will however be a slimmer

version of the bumper first edition. We

will release a bumper quarterly edition on

par with the first release and if you’re

lucky you may even get an Annual, to rival

the Beano, just in time for Christmas.

The journey so far for Why Chocolate?

has been a fun and rather remarkable one.

The concept of revival was discussed at a

committee meeting in November, within

weeks a team had been assembled and by

the beginning of December the first

articles started to appear in my inbox.

Needless to say most of my Christmas

was spent editing and compiling. So

January comes along and we are ready to

print. We decided not to get too carried

away with our passion and printed a

conservative thirty-five issues. Well we

sold ourselves short, the thirty-five

copies were gone within hours of the bar

opening.

So, what intellectual delights do we have

for you this issue? I can tell you that you

won’t be disappointed. Keith, sorry I mean

Mo, gives another outstanding review

from ‘The Moving Picture Box’, Dr. P Iles

is back with more health and fitness talk,

we have a brilliant look alike for you in

‘Pipe and Slippers’ and our Director of

Rugby tells his story of ‘The Hungry

Goose’.

So without further ado I present to you

the second issue of Why Chocolate? The

Revival Years.

Happy reading, The Editor



Kontents

: Club Captains Colouring

Competition As one of our club captains favourite past

times he would like to share with you the joys

of colouring in…

Page 4: Senior Player Profile Each issue we bring you an exclusive profile

and interview with one of our senior players…

Page 7: Mint Berry Krunch Our resident personal trainer Dr. P.Iles gives

his latest advice on dietary tips and extreme

work outs…

Page 8: The Directors Cut A word from the Big K Director of Rugby…

Page 10: Did You Know

An insight into the extra-terrestrial by

Professor Brian Coccyx…

Page 12: Junior Player Profile Each issue we bring you an exclusive profile

and interview with one of our junior players…

Page 13: Senior Match Reports A review of the latest senior games…

Page 14: The Lost Boy’s We take time to stop and look back over the

ones we’ve loved and lost…

Page 16: Junior Match Reports A review of the latest junior games…

Page 18: The Tale of the Hungry Goose Director of Rugby, Paul Meaden, talks about

player recruitment and attrition…

Page 21: Pipe and Slippers A chance for you to have your say on any topic

of your choice…

Page 23: Moving Picture Box Mike Oakley reviews what he has been

watching on the ‘Moving picture Box’ this

month…

Page 24: Events Save the dates for all the upcoming events at

the social hub that is the Big K

Page 25: Editors Farewell A farewell from the editor…



Club Captains Colouring Competition

In this section our club captain shares his favourite colouring pictures. These have been left

blank so that you can colour them in and enjoy the fun with him. Once you have coloured in

your picture send a copy to [email protected] and the lucky winner will have

their picture displayed in the next issue, please include your name, age and where you’re

from. This month’s picture is a happy dolphin drawn by Michaela, Age 23 from Oldland.

mailto:[email protected]



Senior Player Profile

This month’s senior player under the spot light is …

Name: Matt ‘Mutley’ Perriman

Height: 6ft

Weight: 13st 3lbs

Position: Flanker (with an F)

D.O.B: 02/05/1984

It's back! This time, Matthew 'Mutley'

Perriman is centre stage!

With the first issue of WC? being such a

rip-roaring success, the editorial team are

pumping money into the venture hand over

fist, drastically increasing my budget, so I

have decided to spend wildly for my

return and hold a party, but not just any

party, oh no, this is a retro board game

party! All attendees are bringing along

their favourite game from their

childhood, a full on nostalgia fest! Please

don’t be offended if you didn’t get an

invite, my living room isn’t that large, plus

I don’t like you.

*Ringgggg* Ah, the front door, excuse me

while I get that………………………..Well, well, if

it isn’t everyone’s favourite Graduate

Building Surveyor, Matthew ‘Mutley’

Perriman!

So, what has Mutley brought to the party

I hear you ask, apart from his freak

strength, he’s only gone and brought

Mouse Trap! Classic!

Freak Strength or just freak?

So, as we wait for the others to arrive,

Mutley and I head to the kitchen to

indulge in an aperitif and canapé, and

whilst I have him alone I take the

opportunity to ask him to enlighten me

about his arrival at the club.

Worryingly, Mutley begins by telling me

he is a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do, a

revelation that makes me remove the

bottle opener from his hand and take a

safer stance on the other side of the

kitchen. I of course remind Mutley that I

like him very much and always have.

Anyway, with such talents under his belt

(pun intended) Mutley had to find a sport

that fitted his style. Of course, Football,

Netball and fishing just wouldn’t cut the

mustard, but luckily an old friend guided



Mutley onto the right path. “Matt Bryant

asked me if I fancied taking part in one of

Kingswood’s training sessions and despite

being on the receiving end of one of Gary

Inman’s” (wasn’t that the guy in Are You

Being Served?) “tackles in the very first

session, I've never looked back”

Gary Inman?

By now, the living room is a bustling hive

of activity. The table is covered with a

multitude of 80’s plastic, there’s Pop-Up

Pirate, Buckaroo and Hungry Hungry

Hippos, as well as Mutley’s very own

Mouse Trap.

The evening gets underway with a quick

game of Pop-Up Pirate, a game that in

these modern times would probably be

banned for Health and Safety reasons,

not because of the projectile plastic

Pirate, but more to do with the rise in

heart-attacks which occurred during the

intense moments that you pricked the

barrel with your sword (A great sentence

for fans of double-entendres).

Seeing the poor old Pirate being bashed

around left, right and centre, must have

triggered something in Mutley’s brain,

because he began to rattle off details of

his short, injury ravaged career. A

Ruptured knee in 2006/07, a knee

operation the same season, plus a 2nd

batch of surgery in 08/09 has meant that

Mutley has had a fairly stuttering career

so far. But, despite these setbacks, and

the fact that Mutley was under the

guidance of Cabbage for the early part of

his playing career, Mutley has come a long

way since charging down that penalty kick

at BAC. At the end of 2009/10, Mutley

was a regular in the 1st XV squad. Mutley

has been away from the game recently

due to further complications, namely a

shoulder injury and marriage, but he is set

to return to the field of dreams just as

soon as he has recovered from ANOTHER

operation.

Once Mutley had finished prattling on

about his chocolate appendages I managed

to ask him to tell me about his favourite

ever game. “Well, I love the whole

mechanics of it. You wind the handle that

makes the boot kick the bucket containing

a small metal ball…” Ah, Mutley, I think we

have our wires crossed, I meant, what’s

your favourite game for Kingswood?

“Oh I see, well, my favourite game has to

be from the Chipping Sodbury cup game 2

seasons ago, it was one of those ‘nothing

to lose, everything to gain’ matches. As we

arrived at the pitch, the Chipping Sodbury

lads were already out doing their warm-

up. Even though the weather was terrible,

there was a great buzz amongst the team

which continued throughout the game, a

buzz that undoubtedly helped lead us to

our win. The feeling after the game was

amazing!”

The evening was now in full swing and the

air is filled with excitement as well as the

smell of nerves, not helped by the tension

building game that is Buckaroo.

BANG! There goes the donkey, showering

my floor in bits of plastic.



As we prepare for the final game of the

evening, Mouse Trap, Mutley tells me

about his favourite moment as a

Kingswood player. “It's got to be when we

played Tredworth away in 2010. I’d had a

really s**t week, you know the one where

your washing machine packs up, the boss

thinks your useless etc. Anyway, I had a

great time taking out my frustration

during the game, but more importantly, I

actually managed to catch a ball off of

Chris Phillips and score! Come to think of

it, so did everyone else in the Kingswood

side that day”

I managed to break the building suspense

with a quick question, what is your rugby

philosophy? His answer was simple “Mutley

chase, Mutley smash”

Mutley Smash!

Here comes the cage...bash, Mutley traps

my little mouse and it’s a much desired

victory for Mr Perriman. Well, it’s been a

long, entertaining evening, but we all begin

to tidy away our stuff and head home for

the evening. Just as everyone is leaving

the room, I notice a small bit of plastic

under the table. I fetch it out and hand it

to Mutley. “This must be yours” I tell him.

Mutley studies the bit of plastic before

handing it back and saying…

“That’s not part of my game”



Mint Berry Krunch

The Big K’s resident dietician and nutritionist gives you some helpful hints and tips to shift

that excess weight…

Welcome back to the diet clinic with me

Dr P Iles. I must say I was surprised to

be called back for a second edition and

even more surprised to hear that Mint

Berry Krunch was nominated for the

Pulitzer Prize. If you’ve been following my

recommendations then those ‘Monty

Muffin Tops’ should be starting to shift.

To help them on their way here’s a few

more diet and work out tips.

Fireman’s Workout

Have you ever wondered how Mutley got

so pumped? Surely it can’t just be from

washing fire engines and brandishing his

Fire Service ID card. Well it’s not, I

caught up with the fitness fanatic and

here are his secrets.

Whilst working out Mutley enjoys nothing

more than sliding up and down a greasy

pole, a fireman’s pole to be exact. To get

that Mongo upper body strength he ties

two distressed damsels around his waist

and hauls himself back up the pole, his

secret is to complete twenty reps to

really get the lactic acid flowing. ‘I love

the burn’ he screams as I watch him scale

the gigantic rod.

After completing twenty reps Mutley

strips to his boxers and lets the burly

Firemen hose him down, the fierce

pressure of the hose spraying all over him

combined with the icy cold water aid rapid

repair of his muscles. A lot of

professional athletes take ice baths after

a vigorous work out but Mutley prefers a

good soaking from the Fireman’s hose. If

you want to look like Mutley or possess his

inhuman strength then get yourself down

to your local Fire Department,

alternatively strip clubs have equally good

poles (not the Anthony Davies type of

Pole either).

Bulk UP

If you are suffering from the same

condition as Spring, in which you cannot

gain weight or mass regardless of what

you try to eat, then try this meal plan.

The key is to eat 6 meals a day to keep

your body fuelled, you wouldn’t chuck one

big log onto a fire once a day, you need to

feed it little and often.

Breakfast

1 bowl of porridge with chopped nuts &

skimmed milk

Mid-Morning Snack

1 small bowl of pasta with tuna and a light

oil dressing

Lunch

Grilled skinless chicken breast with salad

on rye bread (no mayonnaise)

Afternoon Snack

1 Banana, 1 green apple and a handful of

mixed nuts

Dinner

Steamed skinless salmon with steamed

vegetables (no potatoes)

Supper

4 Ryvita crackers with low fat cottage

cheese

If you follow this meal plan you’ll be

looking like Jay Carey in no time.

Jay Carey and his impressive TRAPS



The Directors Cut

The Big K’s Director shares a few thoughts with the general population…

Nine months ago, Mark Phillips asked me

to consider the role of Director of Rugby.

Having held no official Office at KRFC

since 1996, when I was Club Captain, the

proposal required careful consideration. I

spoke at length with Ian Kirley and I was

genuinely and deeply surprised by a

number of things. Not merely the palpable

maturity that Ian had acquired, but a

visceral passion and vision which truly

impressed me. Until that point, my abiding

memory of Ian was from a distant

midsummer “Funky Family Fun Day” when

an Apple fuelled duo of Kirley and Special

mounted a pair of TV-Gladiator style

rostrums atop an inflatable base, stripped

to the waist, and proceeded to savagely

assault each other with padded staffs.

Children and adults alike were visibly

traumatized; but Ian and Special, though

battered and bruised, thought it was a

great lark. The boy has come a long way!

So, suitably impressed by the case

presented, I willingly accepted the role of

Director of Rugby. Even in this short

time, it’s been an eclectic journey. One in

which I have tried to make sense of the

role, what value it could bring to a club

the size and shape of Kingswood and

whether I had what it takes to do it

justice.

So much has happened, but I’m limited to

1000 words for this piece, so it won’t be

possible to do justice to the long list of

key messages I want to render. So I’ve

picked a couple at random.

Pleasant Surprises.

Notwithstanding the above plug for Ian

Kirley, I have been astonished by the

amount of work that happens behind the

scenes now, which did not before, through

our determined and dynamic committee. Their enthusiasm remains undiminished

(despite frequent setbacks) and they set

the standard against which I try to

aspire. It’s difficult to overstate how

much work these guys get through in

order that our membership can rock up to

chase the egg, have a hot shower and

enjoy a cheap pint.

I’ve also thoroughly enjoyed engaging with

some of the younger lads with whom, given

that I no longer play, I wouldn’t ordinarily

have the opportunity to develop a

familiarity (dare I say friendship?) I don’t

recall ever speaking with Nick Coe before

we simultaneously became Club Captain

and Director of Rugby. I’ve since

discovered that, although he is the

quintessential strong-silent type (when

not tearing it up in Chasers), he is totally

committed and unassuming off the pitch

while ferocious and gifted on it. I have

absolutely no doubt that, if Nick were a

few inches taller and a few kilos heavier,

he would be a professional rugby player.

He is a pleasure to work with.

Consequently, it saddens me when the

level of humility and dedication Nick

brings is not reciprocated in terms of

support at training sessions and

availability. We have had well over 70

different players turn out in total this

season, yet we struggle to get 45

available any given Saturday. The same

vicarious disappointment extends on

behalf of all Captains and Vices. Anyway –

that’s for another day.



The Kingswood Knights.

I thought I’d come to the Director role

full of smart ideas and high-falutin’ plans

to grow the club and take it to the next

level. Upon working with Derek Golding,

now known as Superman, it soon became

very obvious that much of my work had

been done for me. Like most members, I

was aware our Junior section was healthy.

But I had absolutely no idea how strong

the Junior section actually was under

Derek’s tutelage. His ideology is simple;

keep if affordable, participate because

you want to and participate right. This

philosophy is imposed and policed with an

iron will. Consequently, our Junior section

is governed fairly and efficiently, without

fuss and with near-zero player attrition.

The word has spread and our Junior

section is inundated with so many pint-

sized recruits that we have reached the

physical capacity with which our facilities

can cope. It is to Derek’s immense credit,

and that of his wider team of parents and

coaches (an honourable mention to our VP

Ian Crook in this regard) that the

Kingswood Juniors, and their sobriquet of

“Kingswood Knights” is now one of the

most respected youth movements in local

rugby.

In conclusion, it is evident that Kingswood

RFC, in some respects, is a world apart

from the rugby club I left at the end of

my playing days. We have a thriving Junior

section and in the Senior section an

ambitious and youthful vanguard occupying

the leading offices of the club. However

in other respects we have actually

regressed. We need to kick on to the next

level. We are trying to kick-start a rugby

renaissance in our Senior section.

However, the plug is not yet sparking. I

think our regular playing base has a

relatively high average age; many of our

players (understandably) want to play

their rugby on their own terms. I

absolutely respect that. These guys have

served their time and are entitled to reap

some reward. But our dependence on

stalwarts such as Rich Caines to occupy

important playing-roles is not sustainable.

We have played that long-suit for more

years that I care to contemplate. We

cannot keep going back to the future.

With that in mind, I’m appealing to the

senior players at the start of their career

to really show an interest in key roles and

be at the forefront of the renaissance.

The world is a different place now, and

holding a responsible office in a

recognized organization such as

Kingswood Rugby Club will not only help

you grow as a person, it will look great on

your CV. I’m also looking to formulate a

sustainable recruitment strategy and

campaign which will tap into our

catchment. I need your opinions and your

time. To paraphrase the inaugural address

of JFK - ask not what KRFC can do for

you, ask what you can do for KRFC!



Did You Know?

Big K Professor Brian Coccyx gives you his views on the universe…

Unfortunately Prof. Brian Coccyx was

unavailable this week, he is being

interviewed for ‘Embarrassing Bodies’, I

can only assume his rash has flared up

again.

I am Dr B. Umder PhD and will be taking

this opportunity to talk to you about a

very serious problem facing our planet,

GLOBAL WARMING. Whilst I am a strong

believer in the planet going through

natural cycles of heating up and cooling

down I also believe that Humans, as the

dominant life force on this planet, are

helping to speed this cycle along. All sorts

of things contribute/get blamed for

GLOBAL WARMING, from cows farting to

people going on holiday in aeroplanes. One

thing that doesn’t seem to get mentioned

is space travel.

$60 Million,

Really?

Everything that goes into space, be it a

dog or a satellite, only has one way of

getting there, strapped to the back a

rocket. Each launch costs in excess of

$60 million and the rocket is destroyed

during the process. Imagine buying a new

car after every trip to the shops. Not

only do rockets burn high amounts of

rocket propellant grade jet fuel, which

pumps out a massive amount of C02, but

every part of the rocket is destroyed.

This is the consumerist age we are living

in. This a big burden on the tax payer and

with the UK kicking off its own space

program, where will this money come

from? What we need is a reusable rocket.

It just so happens that a South African

born millionaire and entrepreneur is

working on exactly that. In 2002 Elon

Musk, founder of PayPal and Tesla Motors

(a company manufacturing all electric

sports cars), set up a new company called

SpaceX.

Tesla all electric sports cars

His goal was to put a small vegetable

greenhouse on Mars, project ‘Mars Oasis’

was born. Musk soon realised that

although he was a millionaire, at $60

million a pop rockets were not a viable

option for his project. Not to be defeated

he set about designing and building a

reusable, cost effective rocket capable of

delivering payloads to Mars. In 2012 the

SpaceX Dragon craft was the first non-

governmental built and commissioned

space craft to dock with the

International Space Station. Not only did

this open up space to the private

companies around the world it was also

achieved using the SpaceX Falcon 9



rocket that cost a mere $12 million to

launch. SpaceX are already working on

making the Falcon rockets reusable in

something they are calling Project

Grasshopper (watch the Grasshopper test

flight on YouTube)

On the back of SpaceX’s success they

have secured several contracts for

launching satellites and delivering pay

loads to the ISS that would previously

only have been given to government

contractors. As well as helping to open up

the space race to privately owned

companies SpaceX have lowered the cost

to tax payers, developed a reusable

rocket and in the process managed to

reduce the amount of fuel required to do

so.

SpaceX Dragon docking with ISS

All this has come from one man’s dream to

build a greenhouse on Mars. With the

collective power of our thoughts and

dreams imagine how much we could

achieve.



Junior Player Profile

This month’s junior player under the spot light is…

Name: Ellis Bywater

Height: 3ft 7 inches

Weight: 3 St 9Lb

Age 6

WC?: How long have you played for

Kingswood?

Ellis: 9 Months

WC?: Who is your Rugby Hero?

Ellis: Toby Flood

WC?: Favourite console or handheld

game?

Ellis: Skylanders

WC?: What do you like the most about

Kingswood Rugby Club?

Ellis: Hotdogs after the game

WC?: Cinema or bowling?

Ellis: Bowling

WC?: Favourite colour?

Ellis: Turquoise

WC?: What do you want to be when you

grow up?

Ellis: A fireman

WC?: What is your favourite memory in

your time at Kingswood?

Ellis: This seasons Christmas party

WC?: Who do you want to marry when you

get older?

Ellis: Chloe Scott



Senior Match Reports

1st XV Match Reports

There are currently no new match reports

for the First XV.

Results;

Saturday 5th January

Kingswood 5 – 22 Gloucester Old Boys


Kingswood 3 – 74 Hucclecoat


Kingswood 0 – 26 Longlevens

If you would like to help out with First XV

match reports then please send your

application to

[email protected].

2nd XV Match Reports

Results;

No results available

Kingswood 2nd XV are looking to recruit a

2nd XV match reporter. If you would like

to get involved and travel round with the

2nd XV please send your application to

[email protected]. You

will get to experience all the highs and

lows as they happen as you cover the

latest action from the side-lines for home

and away games.

3rd XV Match Reports

Results;


As with the 2nd XV the 3rd XV are also

looking for a match reporter. If you want

to experience all the dramas of third

team rugby from the terraces then please

send you application to

[email protected].

For all the latest match reports and

photos head over the Big K website

www.kingswoodrfc.co.uk




http://www.kingswoodrfc.co.uk/



The Lost Boy’s

This feature is one that has always been close to my heart, we take the chance to look back

at a couple of players who we’ve loved and lost and share a few memories…

Name: Steve Trevelyan

Last Seen: 2011

Last Known Whereabouts: Eating out of

bins in a drunken stupor somewhere near

Bedminster.

Steve had been with us for quite a while,

we all remember his drinking and eating

abilities but most of all we remember him

for his presence on the pitch. You could

always count on Steve to make his tackles,

and yours if you happened to miss them.

One of my fondest memories of dear old

Steve was also possibly the last time he

was seen.

It was a First XV away game to Bream

RFC, a vile hell hole deep in the belly of

Hicksville. As it’s quite a trip the club had

laid on a coach for the players and

supporters. Steve hadn’t been seen for

several months prior to this but had

miraculously appeared at the rumour of a

coach trip. He was on strict orders from

his other half not to get drunk.

Unfortunately for her Paulo was side-lined

through injury and before the coach had

even left the car park Steve was well on

his way to inebriation. The day

progressed, the game was played and lost

and Steve was slipping deeper and deeper

into an alcohol fuelled stupor.

Despite the result spirits were high and

the Bream boys had made the mistake of

challenging the Big K to one last game

before we left. This was a game we knew

we could win, a boat race! We had the

mighty drinking powers possessed by

Extra, Jammer, Mark Oakley and a few

other glutton’s but we were one short.

From the corner there rose a slumbering

giant, somewhere in his sub-conscious

Steve Trevelyan had heard the summons

of a boat race and took up the position of

rear gunner. Needless to say the Big K

were triumphant, Steve had already

finished his pint before Bream had

reached their fourth man.

Feeling recharged from his power nap and

with the adrenaline of battle coursing

through his alcohol system Steve picked

up where he left off, drinking. By the

time the coach had arrived back at

Kingswood Steve could barely walk.

Legend has it that he even carried on into

town that night.

If you have seen or know any information

regarding the where-a-bouts of Steve

Trevelyan then please get in contact with

us.



Name: Matt Davies (Special)

Last Seen: Haunting the Big K

Last Known Whereabouts: Setting up an

Emu farm in Edinburgh

Matt Davies, or Special as his known, is

the second subject of our Lost Boy’s

feature. He had played rugby most of his

life for the Little K but at the age of

sixteen decided to come and join the Big

K. He was an instant hit, a likable chap

with the playing abilities of Bobby

Boucher (The Waterboy). He even made

the same noises when he tackled. I will

share with you the story of how he came

to be known as Special, and later as Ant’s

Brother.

It was the tour of 2002 and the Big K

were off to Portugal. This being Specials

first season and first tour with the club

he was a Virgin. A great alliance of Virgins

was formed that year known only as T-

Unit and included other Lost Boy’s such as

Matt Bryan (Gollum) and Sam Massey.

Special was always game for a laugh and

carried out any instruction given to him.

Through his actions he had made a bit of

a name for himself as someone who would

most definitely not be asked to join

Mensa.

On the second day of tour just as

everyone was boarding the coach to travel

to their fixture it was announced that the

game had been cancelled as the pitch was

being used for a horse gymkhana. Much to

Specials delight the rest of the day could

be spent drinking, he threw his kitbag into

the hotel lobby and ran off down the

street laughing and giggling like a little

girl.

Come early evening it was decided that

most of the touring party would have a

slap up meal in the ‘Penny Lane’ restaurant

opposite the hotel. A five foot chef

statue was later found floating in the pool

hotel but that’s a story for another day.

Nick Cooper had taken a keen interest in

Specials IQ and asked the barmaid for a

colouring pack for his learning impaired

friend. Unable to contain his excitement

and no longer able to wait for his meal

Special devoured a hole pack of crayons

prompting Nick Cooper to point out that

he was indeed rather ‘Special’, and so the

name stuck.

Due to a chocolate gene, that appears to

be hereditary in his family, Special was

out injured more often than he played. In

his years long absence his younger

brother started playing and suffering

from the same learning impairment

became known as Extra, short for Extra

Special. Due to his brothers long absence

Extra became the special one

representing the club in many a special

Olympic, thus demoting the original

Special to be known only as Ant’s Brother.

Special has been the centre of several

scandals and rumours with one of the

latest being that he had passed away. It

is said that you can still see him

wandering the field of dreams and

haunting the Big K. Some people even

claimed to have seen him at the New

Year’s Eve party. Was it a premonition or

is he really alive. Only a permanent return

to the Big K on Saturdays will confirm his

existence.



Junior Match Reports

Under 11’s Match Reports

There are no new Under 11 match reports.

Results:

Sunday 13th January 2013

Kingswood 49 – 15 Broad Plain

Sunday 27th January 2013

Kingswood 0 – 68 Wells


Results;


The Kingswood Knights Under 10’s are

looking for a match reported so if you are

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Results;

Sunday 27th January




Results;

Sunday 27th January



Sunday 27th January


What a fabulous day for the Knights first

home game – We had warm sunshine, a

local MP, a fantastic turnout, plenty of

mud and a glorious rainbow after the

torrential downpour!

Our visitors arrived from Wells with their

team and although a little short on

players, the Knights volunteered to make

up their numbers for the game to go

ahead.

There were tough under foot conditions

today, however, this did not hinder the

team’s ability to run in some good try’s.

Two games went ahead, with the Knights

swapping players over after approximately

ten minutes, to give each of the team

members a chance of play. Wells and the

Knights were well matched.

Wells had a good defensive line which at

times, hard to break but with some really

good passages of play, the Knights were

able to cross the try line a number of

times. The defensive line held up to

prolonged attacks from the home team

but the Knights at times, found it

difficult to turn the ball over. Wells were

a much stronger team than when we



played them back in November and this

really showed today.

Both these games were well contested and

it was only down to a couple of

misjudgements and handling errors (more

than likely down to the mud!) that ended

the game on a draw. The teams were well

matched in defence and attack given the

very trying conditions, both games ended

on a draw with an aggregated score of 11

all.

Fair play to both the teams, given the

extremely muddy conditions and erratic

weather, they all had great fun and

enthusiasm the whole time.

Try Scorers were:-

Alfie Rossiter – 1, Thomas Cottrell – 3,

Haydn Vince – 1, Alex Harvey – 1, Noah

May – 1, Finlay Henderson Barr – 1, Ethan

Henderson-Barr -1, Findlay Starkey – 1,

Molly Bleadon – 1

Man of the Match was awarded

to Thomas Cotterell for his all-round

performance and running some fantastic

try’s.

Golden Ball was awarded to Daniel

Jones for consistency in his performance

over the last few weeks.

Well done Knights, a fantastic result!

Again an appreciative thank you to the

parents and supporters for Knights

under7’s which has continued to be

extremely strong.

Sunday 6th January

Kingswood 7 – 10 Old Reds

Welcome back everyone to our first game

of 2013 away to Old Reds at Brislington.

The biggest turn out so far on a Sunday

morning with 22 players eager to burn off

all the Christmas chocolate!

The coaches came with a plan, arrived

organised and ready to drive the team.

Un-like previous weeks, players were

separated with one team playing, the

other training on an adjoining pitch and

changing over at half time. This gave all

the players a chance to play three

quarters of a game.

With Red’s team being under strength the

Knights loaned the Reds a player for the

game to go ahead , a massive thank you

to Enan Jones for volunteering and for

his strong all round performance , that

lead to a couple of great tries. The Reds

and Knights were well matched on the day

with only a couple of tries being between

the teams in the end. The Reds had a good

defensive line which was hard to break

but with some good passages of play the

Knights were able to cross the try line a

number of times. The defensive line held

up to prolonged attacks from the home

team but the Knights found it difficult to

turn the ball over. Both these games were

well contested and it was only down to a

couple of misjudgements and handling

errors that separated the teams at the

end.

An appreciative thank you to the parents

and supporters for Knights under7’s which

has not waivered this season even now the

cold, wet weather as appeared.

Try Scorers were:-

Charlie Cooke -2 Ethan Henderson-Barr -1

Haydn Vince-1 Callum McConville-3

The Man of the Match was awarded

to Finlay Henderson-Barr for his all-

round performance and running some

fantastic try’s.

The Golden Ball was awarded to Luke

Harris for huge improvement in his

playing.

Micros Summary

If anyone involved with the smallest

members of the Big K would like to submit

a write up each issue about the progress

of the micro section please contact us at

[email protected]




The Tale of the Hungry Goose

Director of Rugby, Paul Meaden, talks about player recruitment and attrition…

Feed ME

Recruitment of new players in the senior

section of our club has always been a

labour of love. Our target demographic is

naturally defined by three main factors.

Firstly, our position in the league

hierarchy is effectively a glass ceiling to

attract ambitious First XV players.

Secondly, the perception of KRFC as a

socially welcoming rugby club is the

benchmark against which workaday “Club”

players and novices will join. Finally, the

quality of our facilities will underpin the

decision of every potential recruit.

In my opinion, the second factor has

yielded by far the most success over the

years. KRFC’s proud boast is our “One

Club” philosophy. We are an aggressively

egalitarian fraternity where no cliques

exist, every member’s voice carries equal

weight, beer is cheap and friends are

dear. This is obviously a fantastic story to

sell, and will of course attract the type of

members who would flourish at KRFC.

While this provides the lifeblood of our

club (and long may it continue),

unfortunately, with the odd exception, it

does not furnish us with a regular supply

of hungry and talented First XV players

who will put their shoulder to the wheel,

win games, gain promotion and

consequently raise our glass ceiling. In

fact the opposite is true. Our very best

players tend to migrate to clubs with a

loftier league status. It’s classic Catch-

22.

However, above said, this season has been

particularly hard work. We have

desperately scrambled for numbers. We

have fielded upward of 80 (eighty)

different players this season, yet on any

given Saturday, we struggle to find 45

players to fulfil three fixtures! How does

that happen? It could be a symptom of

apathy, but I prefer to think of it as an

assumption that KRFC is an avuncular

Goose that will continue to lay Golden

Eggs for members to collect whenever

they fancy. Well the Goose is hungry and

will refuse to lay Eggs if it is not

sustained. We, as a membership, have an

obligation to sustain the Goose. This is

not a unique problem for us, but is worse

now than I can remember. I really feel

for the skippers, particularly when

mountains are constructed from molehills,

and those people who do the most work

are encumbered with an avalanche of

criticism, yet still expected to keep their

own morale high.

So we are in new territory. We have

always struggled in terms of First XV

League status. (Over the years we have

predominantly bobbed between

Gloucester Leagues One and Two, with

the occasional flirtation with League

Three. At time of writing we are eight

leagues below Leicester Tigers and five

Leagues below Dings Crusaders.) But we

have always been strong in terms of

quantity of players, and have consistently



fielded three senior teams where other

clubs have years-since jettisoned their

third teams. In some cases, even their

second teams! As things stand, we will

have to decide whether to seek Third XV

fixtures for next season or lose our Third

team altogether. This is an appalling

situation and needs to be rectified!

As Director of Rugby, part of my role is

to own and execute the recruitment

strategy for KRFC. Given the situation I

have explained above, the priority is to

“Sustain the Goose” and to ensure we do

not lose our Third XV, while not dropping

the ball to improve our First XV League

status. To this end, we need a little

lateral thinking for player recruitment

which extends beyond the standard

advert in the Evening Post (which in my

experience never yields results).

I have always believed that rugby tends,

and likes, to wrap itself in a mythological

blanket. We all like to sit in the office on

a Monday morning and bask in our glory as

a rugby gladiator, maybe sporting a black-

eye or exaggerating a dead-leg, while our

non rugby-playing colleagues look on

incredulously, shaking their heads in

disbelief that we could be so cavalier and

heroic. The ubiquity of this perception is

a great ego boost and all part of the fun,

but I think it creates a false impression

of what it actually takes to play a game of

rugby. It makes people wary, and

engenders in them a “No Way Jose”

attitude when invited to participate.

Those of us who have played a bit of

Third XV rugby know you don’t have to be

as hard as Richie McCaw, as skilful as

Frederic Michelak or as fit and strong as

James Haskell. In fact, if you have played

with Cainesy, you’ll know that to own those

attributes sets strenuous expectations,

so he has made a successful career by

actively avoiding them.

My idea is to define a demography from

which to recruit, which is targeted more

towards younger lads who are either

rugby novices (maybe played a bit at

school), to older lads who have played

before and drifted away from the game

and finally to lads who are sports minded,

but maybe play a different sport – e.g.

Sunday morning football or 5-a-side. You

get the idea. The means to recruit them is

where the lateral thinking applies. My

approach is to de-mystify rugby, and

break down the barriers. I intend to

create a Recruitment Pamphlet which

deconstructs the legend and makes people

believe that rugby is accessible, not

prohibitively dangerous and has the

potential to change their life. If my

message is still not clear – see the

following myth-busters.

You do not have to be physically big to

play rugby.

You do not have to be physically

strong to play rugby.

You do not have to be able to run fast

to play rugby.

You do not need to be particularly

courageous to play rugby.

You do not need terrific general

sporting skills to play rugby.

Rugby is not the preserve of the

young. Our 3rd team captain is 59!

While injuries are a natural hazard,

they are no more prevalent in rugby

than any other sport.

“Local” rugby caters for all abilities.

KRFC has some very good players and

some less accomplished players.

KRFC runs three senior (adult) teams.

KRFC has a “One Club” inclusion policy.

This means that every member,

irrespective of their playing ability, is

actively treated as an equal within the

club. Elitism is not tolerated.

Rugby is a great way to get fit.

You play one game of rugby and you

immediately have 14 new mates.



By joining KRFC, new Kingswood

residents can quickly integrate into

the community.

Membership of KRFC can Increase

your network of business associates.

KRFC has members from all trades

and professions.

Rich Caines and I will be spearheading the

recruitment campaign, but we need your

assistance. Our target audience is roughly

18-30 year-old males, ideally sports

minded who live within a 2 mile radius of

the club. We think we can find these

people in gyms, pubs and clubs, in the

workplace, in further education institutes,

at home and via social networks. We are

looking for members to volunteer to be

KRFC Ambassadors who can distribute our

Pamphlet in their workplace or college,

and who are prepared to act as the local

contact and entry point into KRFC. We will

also organize a few evenings where we

travel en-masse through hostelries in our

catchment, distributing Pamphlets, talking

to groups of lads to let them know about

us, and maybe even having the odd beer or

two. This is not a big commitment. If you

would like to be a KRFC Ambassador in

your gym or your place of work etc.,

please contact Rich Caines or me. It is

time to let The Goose Feed.

DoR.



Pipe and Slippers

Pipe and Slippers features letters, tweets, posts and emails

submitted by you, the reader. If you want to have your say on

any subject or just want to submit a joke then send your

entry to the following. Facebook:

facebook.com/KingswoodRFC, Twitter: @kingswoodrfc, Email:

[email protected]: Snail Mail: Kingswood RFC,

Grimsbury Road Playing Fields, Grimsbury Road, Kingswood,

Bristol, BS15 9RA

As our colouring competition kicked off

last issue we are pleased to announce

January’s winning entry. The below

specimen was submitted by our very own

Club Captain, who also set up the

competition, I think something fishy is

going on here and may have to investigate

the staff. Anyway, congratulations Nick

on your wonderful blue and red lion. Editor

Keep up the good work Nick

Hi WC? I loved your look alike photo last

issue and want to submit this little gem

for you. I see him around quite a lot and

he really reminds me of someone but I

can’t put my finger on it. Victoria 22,

Warmley

Guess who?

Thank you for your submission Victoria, I

know what you mean when you say he looks

familiar. I’m sure I’ve seen him around as

well, always wearing a yellow t-shirt, but

like you I can’t quite put my finger on who

he reminds me of. Send you guesses to

[email protected]. Editor

http://www.facebook.com/KingswoodRFC





If you are under 18 and in full time

education then you can get a free gum

shield. The nice people at Lodge Causeway

Dental Centre are offering free gum

shields (also known as sports guards) to

under 18's in full time education. Please

see the posters around the club for more

details or call Kath or Emma on 0117

9586878. This kind offer is time limited

so hurry up and book your appointment.

Editor

Hi WC? its me, Chairman, Ian Kirley. As

the Six Nations is approaching I just

wanted to let you know that ESPN are

running a fantasy rugby league on their

website. I’ve set up a private league so

can you let everyone know to go and join in

the competitive fun. Ian, 30 Kingswood

Well hello there Mr Chairman, it’s lovely

to hear from you and yes of course we will

let everyone know. You can find the

fantasy rugby at

http://espnscrum.fantasyleague.com/, the

private league is called ‘The Big K’,

obviously, and the pin to join is 24765 so

come on people, join the fun. Editor

If you’re looking to buy some England kit

to celebrate the Six Nations then head

over to the Big K shop as we are now

stocking England playing shirts and

England branded items. Visit the website

or get to the shop through Facebook. The

club will of course be open for all of the

Six Nations games. Editor

http://espnscrum.fantasyleague.com/



Moving Picture Box

Mike Oakley gives you his opinion and reviews of something that he has seen on the ‘Moving

Picture Box’…

This week on the Moving Picture Box I

would like to tell you about ‘I’m A

Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! Now’. I

haven’t watched this program for a few

years but this year something peeked my

interest in the advertisement. Most of

you would have seen (if not bought) the

naked calendar the Big K produced last

year to raise money for ‘Help for Heroes’,

well, I didn’t realise that the people that

had bared all for the calendar now had

“celebrity” status, this was all about to

change.

There I was sat at home after a hard day

at work, I switched on the moving picture

box to watch an Edumakashunal program

called Pointless Celebrities (which is a

great name for a show and I wonder if the

“celebs” can see the irony) but before I

could turn over the advert came on for

‘I’m A Celebrity’ and up popped our very

own stud muffin, Lewis “Goose” Voisey,

one of the stars of our naked calendar,

under the pseudonym of Fatima

Whitbread!

Goose shoots to

fame in Big K naked

calendar

I couldn’t believe my eyes, one of our own

had made it as a Z list celeb. After seeing

that, there was no way I could stop

myself from watching this year’s ‘I’m A

Celeb’ and support my mate “Fatima” in his

quest to become King of the jungle, but it

just wasn’t meant to be. ”Fatima” finished

a credible third in the competition and

even had a cockroach (that looked

suspiciously like Ben Phillips) stuck up his

nostril that had to be flushed out!

So, which show will one of our calendar

stars turn up on next? Will we see Joe

Jones Griffiths appear on ‘Dancing On

Ice’? Or will we see Ian Kirley on Britain’s

Got Talent? Who knows, who really cares!

Goose enjoying his time in the jungle as a minor

celeb

This has been the Moving Picture Box; I’m

A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of

Heeeerrrreeeee



Upcoming Events

Make sure you put the dates in your diary for all these upcoming events

Senior Tour

As a reminder to those members touring

this year the remainder of the £250 is

due by February 16th.

6 Nations Date: Saturday 2nd February 2013

Time: 16:00

England V’s Scotland

6 Nations Date: Saturday 10th February 2013

Time: 16:00

Ireland V’s England

6 Nations Date: Saturday 23rd February 2013

Time: 16:00

England V’s France



So Long, Farewell, Aufedersein, Goodbye

Firstly I would like to take this

opportunity to thank all those who

supported the New Year’s Eve event and

made it an enjoyable night. We had great

takings over the bar and as we all know its

money over the bar that keeps us running.

Let’s hope we get the same level of

support for any future events that the

club works hard to provide. I would also

like to say a big thank you to Jackie

Brimble who spent the whole day of New

Year’s Eve stuck in the tiny kitchen at the

Big K preparing the banquet that all the

guests were treated to, so once again

thank you for your help Jackie.

It’s been another challenging month for

the Big K in both the seniors and juniors,

we missed a game or two due to the

weather and again we haven’t quite found

our form yet. Things may be about to

change as we have had an influx of new

players. Although they haven’t earned

their blue and poo stripes yet they can

only help to bolster the teams. With

fifteen of them signing on to play this will

help ensure that we maintain our third XV

and can fulfil our fixtures every week.

There might even be a couple of them

that can actually play rugby which will

help add strength to all three teams. Let’s

make sure they all feel welcome and

become fully integrated members of the

Big K. If you catch any of them in yellow

and green make sure you point them in the

direction of the club shop where they can

pack their kit bags out with blue and poo

paraphernalia.

We also have a new sponsor at the club.

Some of you may remember them from

sponsoring Bristol Rovers but as their

business has grown they have felt the

need to invest money into a club with a

bright future, playing their sport at a

competitive level. Apparently the Blue

Square Premier League wasn’t that

appealing. So we’d like to say a big thank

you to Dean at Smart computers in

Kingswood for sponsoring the club with a

spanking new laptop.

On Sunday the 27th our local MP Chris

Skidmore gave up his own time to come

and take a look at what the Big K was all

about. As he arrived he was met with the

sight of hundreds of juniors swarming

around the grounds and the club bursting

at the seams. This was a prime

opportunity to display to our local MP the

work that Deejé and his team are doing

for the community and the junior section

whilst displaying the constraints of our

facilities. Thank you to all who attended

and those that helped with the organising,

hopefully this will open new avenues for

the club and show everyone what a pillar

of the community we have become.

On a sadder note the club have had to

increase the bar prices. We have

absorbed the last three increases to

make sure your drinking stays cheap, but

the brewery has again increased their

prices. To ensure the club is not making a

loss we have had to pass this charge on.

Prices have gone up across the board but

even with this increase we are still

cheaper than any other rugby club in the

area, not to mention the pubs. Thank you

in advance for your understanding and

continued support.

Thank you and good night, much love

The Editor

rev002 price: £1...this month’s picture is a happy dolphin drawn by michaela, age 23 from...

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