rest assured

RestAssuredA GUIDE TO FUNERAL PLANNINGBROUGHT TO YOU BY: THE STAR PRESS, PARSON MORTUARY AND ELM RIDGE FUNERAL HOME

Rest Assured • May 23, 2010

RestAssuredA GUIDE TO FUNERAL PLANNING

BROUGHT TO YOU BY: THE STAR PRESS, PARSON MORTUARY AND ELM RIDGE FUNERAL HOME

All stories by Dawn Fluhler for Star Press Media Custom Publications

INSIDE• End-of-life planning checklist | 4-5

• Getting started with basic estate planning | 6• Advanced estate planning through trusts | 7-8

• Charitable giving in estate planning | 9• Hospice Q&A | 10-11

• What to expect when you visit the funeral home | 12• Burial or Cremation? | 14

• Choosing a headstone or monument | 15• Choosing a casket or urn | 16

• Pre-planned and pre-paid funeral facts | 17• What to include in an obituary and eulogy | 18

• Planning a religious funeral service | 19• Poems, Psalms, hymns and songs | 20

• Grief Support | 21• Personalizing your funeral & funeral keepsakes | 22

Anticipating end of life• Devise a last will and testament, general

durable power of attorney, living will and other estate planning documents (be sure a loved one knows where these documents are stored and has access to any key or combination necessary to access them)

• Notify estate representatives: including estate administrator, executor, trustee and guardian

• Gather personal licenses: including professional and firearms

• Gather vital statistics and biographical information

• Gather birth certificate, marriage certificate, Social Security card and recent income taxes

• Obtain proof of military service, decorations and discharge

• List memberships: including church, professional and social organizations, clubs and groups

• List relatives and friends to be telephoned upon death

• List all accounts: including checking, savings, credit cards, health insurance/Medicare/Medicaid, life insurance, long-term care insurance, investments, pension, real estate and safe deposit box

• Locate automobile title, registration and insurance card

• Locate property deeds, mortgages and insurance information

• Arrange homes for pets

• Select clergy and funeral home

• Pre-plan funeral: including cemetery and monument

Funeral planning considerations• Type of casket or urn

• Outside vault or container

• Grave plot, mausoleum or niche

• Clothing, glasses and jewelry

• Hair and makeup

• Embalming

• Open or closed casket

• Funeral home or church for service

• Lounge area for family during visitation hours

• Floral preferences

• Obituary preferences

• Funeral coach and family car for funeral procession

• Pall bearers

• Memorial book

• Acknowledgement cards

• Mementos for survivors

When your loved one dies• Notify immediate loved ones and close

friends

• Notify physician

End of life planning checklistThe task can seem

overwhelming when planning

a funeral for yourself or a loved

one, especially when a passing is unexpected. Being

prepared will ease your mind

and those of your loved ones.

Here are some things to consider:

This checklist is a compilation of useful tips, not legal advice, adapted

from: “When a Loved One Dies: A practical guide for the family” by UPMC, EndOfLifeCommission.org,

NYSFDA.org, “Family Guide to Funeral Prearrangement” by The Meeks Mortuary

and “Going Forward: A resource guide” by Futura Group and the Gary O’Sullivan

Company.

Parson Mortuary offers a free Personal Profile booklet that allows you to record

information and your wishes in the event of your death. Call 747-1100 or stop by the

mortuary to pick one up.

Rest AssuredPAGE 4 | MAY 23, 2010

• Notify funeral director

• Notify clergy

• Ask a trusted relative or friend to notify listed relatives and friends

• Ask a trusted relative to take phone messages and to make a list of cards, flowers and other acknowledgments

• Notify attorney and estate representatives

• Notify employers and schools

• Notify Veterans Administration or local veterans agency

Going to the funeral home• Gather together pre-arrangement

contracts, biographical and military information and Social Security card

• List individuals who could serve as pall bearers

• List of people who will speak at funeral: including clergy, eulogist and other loved ones

• List of loved one’s favorite scriptures, passages, poems, hymns and other music

• Name of individual who can coordinate receipt of gifts and food donations

• Name of charitable organization if so desired in lieu of flowers

During the visitation and funeral/memorial• Keep tissues and a bottle of water nearby

• Have a chair or stool available near the casket/urn

• Excuse yourself to take a break if needed

• Ask a loved one to periodically check

the family lounge food and beverage supplies

After the funeral• Obtain 10 certified copies of death

certificate

• Notify all account institutions and creditors

• Notify Bureau of Motor Vehicles

• Continue to pay regular monthly bills as necessary

• File life insurance claims

• Ensure estate administrators are executing loved one’s wishes

• Contact Social Security Administration

• Contact employer regarding retirement accounts

• Pay final expenses (funeral/memorial services, clergy, church, etc.)

• Acknowledge phone calls, visits, flowers, gifts, food and other help

Estate administration matters• Retitle bank accounts

• Retitle property deeds

• Retitle brokerage/investment accounts

• Close credit card accounts

• Cancel driver’s license

• File for Social Security benefits

• File forwarding address with USPS

• Notify UPS/FedEx to re-route future deliveries

• Contact Veteran’s Administration for benefits

• Notify voter’s registration office

• Claim accidental death insurance

• Claim life insurance

• Notify health, home and automobile insurance carriers

• Notify accountant of final needs

Other services that may need to be canceled or changed• Cable/satellite TV

• Electric company

• Gas company

• Telephone/cellular phone company

• Garbage company

• Sewer/water company

• Home security provider

• Internet provider

• Storage buildings

• Bottle water company

• Lawn care company

• Pest control company

• Heating/air conditioning maintenance service

• Automobile club

• Church/synagogue/ religious membership

• Newspaper subscriptions

• Magazine subscriptions

• Pharmacy

• Doctors

• Dentist

• Veterinarian

Rest AssuredPAGE 5 | MAY 23, 2010PAGE 4 | MAY 23, 2010

Everybody needs a will. Formulating an estate plan in an important step in protecting your assets and selecting the person you want to represent you when you are un-able and after your death.

A good place to start planning is taking a look at all of your assets. Assets include bank and investment accounts, pensions and retirement plans, life insurance policies, prop-erty and other items with a cash value.

“Fortunately, several estate planning tools are available that, when done properly, will allow you to determine where your assets will go upon your death, and oftentimes, reduce family strife,” said Nick Tokar, an attorney at DeFur Voran, LLP in Muncie. “These tools can be used individually or in conjunction with one another to create an integrated estate plan.”

The tools in basic estate planning include a will, living will and powers of attorney. Typically, when meeting with an at-torney for the first time, Tokar says it’s a good idea to take a personal financial statement of your assets and liabilities and to have an idea of where you want your estate to go when you die.

Basic estate planning prices vary, typically starting around $250 for one person, but up to several thousand dollars for a complex set of advanced estate planning documents.

WillA will allows you to determine how your assets will be

distributed after your death. Through your will, you nomi-nate a representative to carry out the instructions for admin-istering your estate. Guardianship of minor children is also nominated in your will.

The will is the appropriate place to name specific be-quests, such as leaving a piece of heirloom jewelry to a granddaughter or making a gift to a charitable organization.

Without a will, your assets will be distributed according to the state’s intestacy laws. Fortunately, a plan is in place, but the state’s division of assets might not be what you in-tend. For example, in Indiana the surviving spouse receives one-half the net estate and the other half is divided equally among the children. That’s a generalization assuming a surviving spouse and children, but demonstrates that while most people wish for their spouse to be their sole benefi-ciary; intestate laws do not fulfill that desire. Possibly the

least desirable piece of the state’s estate plan is that when there are no next of kin, the state of Indiana inherits the entire estate.

Also without a will, someone would need to petition the court to become your estate’s personal representative and guardian of minors. The state customarily would allow the surviving spouse to be personal representative of the estate, and the surviving parent to be the guardian of minors.

“It is important to note, however, that not all assets can be passed on by a will,” Tokar said. “For instance, when the proper beneficiary designations have been made, life insur-ance and retirement plan proceeds are not distributed by a will. Additionally, certain jointly-held assets pass without the direction of a will. An example of this is real estate held jointly with right of survivorship.”

Living willA living will, though subject to state laws and personal in-

terpretation, is a statement of your wishes to continue or dis-continue life saving measure under certain circumstances. A health care proxy accompanies the living will and appoints a representatives to make health care decisions on your behalf in the event you can’t do so yourself.

Powers of attorneyA power of attorney document names another individual

to act and make decisions on your behalf in the event you are unable to do so. There are many reasons why a person needs somebody else to do that, such as illness, absence or incapacitation.

The general durable power of attorney covers all the bases to ensure that your agent is able to handle your personal matters when you cannot. It also allows your agent to carry out any funeral plans you have in place, or to make funeral arrangements on your behalf.

Safekeeping of estate planning documentsYour will and other important documents should be kept

in a safe or fireproof cabinet in your home. Be sure that a trusted person knows where the documents are located and how to gain access to them. It’s a good idea to keep life insur-ance policies and deeds to property with your estate plan-ning documents.

How to get started with basic estate planning


An advanced planning tool used to protect estates from taxes, trusts can also ensure that surviving spouses and disabled children are provided for throughout the

rest of their lives. They can also be used to protect assets from spendthrift children, creditors of a spouse with poor credit, and to divide an estate in a blended family.

Trusts are not just for the wealthy, said Vice President and Trust Officer Brad LaTour of Indiana Trust and In-vestment Management Company. He doesn’t usually rec-

ommend a trust for an estate worth less than $100,000. Oth-

erwise, any size estate could need a trust.

The primary reason to create a trust is to mini-mize gift and estate taxes. In 2010 there is no estate tax. It was eliminated over

the past several years. How-ever, unless congress revisits

the issue this year, it is likely that in 2011 the estate tax

rate will revert to a 50 percent tax on all estate assets over $1 million.

“Plan for the worst case scenario,” LaTour said. “Proper planning can save you money (less taxes) and provide peace of mind to you and your family.”

The gift tax applies at a rate of about 35 percent on all gifts above and beyond the lifetime exemption amount of $1 million. The individual gift tax exemption amount is $13,000 per person per year. That means each person can give an unlimited number of people $13,000 each, once a year, gift tax free. Couples can combine their exemption amounts and gift a total of $26,000 per person, per year.

“Making annual exclusion gifts to family members is a common estate-reducing technique,” LaTour said. “Gifts reduce your taxable estate and in the process, your poten-tial estate tax liability.”

Please continue on the next page

PAGE 7 | MAY 23, 2010

Advanced estate planning through trusts

PAGE 6 | MAY 23, 2010

“Plan for the worst case scenario. Proper planning can save you money (less taxes)

and provide peace of mind to you and your family.”

— Brad LaTour of Indiana Trust and Investment Management Company


Continued from the previous page

Items exempt from estate and gift taxes:• Unlimited marital deduction• Charitable gifts• Gifts to the government• Mortgages and debt• Estate administration expenses• Estate administration losses

The difference between irrevocable and revocable trusts:

• Revocable trusts can be changed once established• Irrevocable trusts cannot be changed once established• Irrevocable trusts typically have a trust company as

trustee

The difference between a living trust and a testamentary trust:

• A living trust is created while you are alive• A testamentary trust is created after your death ac-

cording to your will• Both operate exactly the same way

Advantages of appointing an individual as trustee:• An individual can make decisions faster• Personal interaction and knowledge of the family

Advantages of appointing an institution as trustee:• Experience, expertise, consistency and longevity• Protection from mistakes, theft and fraud because of

liability insurance• Neutrality to do what the grantor wanted and not be

swayed by emotions

Other trustee options:• Institution and individuals as co-trustees• Power to the beneficiaries to change trustee institu-

tions

Cost to use an institution as trustee:• Depends on the size of the assets in the trust• Customarily around 1 percent on estates under $1 mil-

lion• The higher the assets, the lower the percentage

charged• Can cost a little more to use institution and individual

as co-trustees

“Making annual exclusion gifts to family members

is a common estate-reducing technique. Gifts

reduce your taxable estate and

in the process, your potential

estate tax liability.”

— Brad LaTour of Indiana Trust and

Investment Management Company


Charitable giving through an estate is an easy way to re-duce estate taxes and impact the community. Whether an estate is large or small, any size charitable gift can have

benefits to both the donor and the recipient.“The donor has gratification and peace of mind knowing

that what has been important to them in their lifetime will continue after death,” said Roni Johnson, president of the Community Foundation of Muncie and Delaware County.

The Community Foundation, like other foundations, helps donors by distributing their gifts to the charity or charities of their choice. This kind of giving can be accomplished di-rectly through a will or trust, however a foundation has the added benefits of experience and diversity. For example, the Community Foundation has more than 100 various funds and can set up individual endowments. Non-specific gifts to the Foundation can work through an unrestricted fund, which responds to charitable agencies throughout the community.

“Everyone can do it,” Johnson said. “It is a simple and a prudent way to assure a legacy of family values forever.”

An initial conversation with the Community Foundation staff can help donors decide what type of charitable tool to use. Then the donor and the Foundation work with an at-torney to ensure that the gifts are managed professionally and are honored forever. The charitable gift will then pass through the estate and be distributed by the Foundation to the charities of choice.

Though the Community Foundation offers very diverse gift-ing options, there are others that work similarly. The Ball Me-morial Hospital foundation supports Ball Memorial Hospital and promotes quality healthcare in the community; the Ball State University Foundation promotes the prosperity of BSU; and the Ball Brothers Foundation strives to improve the quality of life in Delaware County and East Central Indiana. There are several others with narrower purposes.

Charitable giving in estate planning


Q: What is Hospice and who is it for?A: The goal of Hospice care is to improve the quality

of a patient’s last days by offering comfort and dignity. Hospice is a special concept of care designed to provide support to patients and their families when a life-limiting illness no longer responds to cure-oriented treatments.

Hospice staff and volunteers offer specialized knowl-edge of medical care, including pain management. They are able to addresses all symptoms of a disease, placing special emphasis on controlling a patient’s pain and discomfort. Hospice also deals with the emotional, social and spiritual impact of the disease on the patient and the patient’s family and friends, and offers a variety of bereavement and coun-seling services to families before and after a patient’s death.

Q: Who are the Hospice caregivers?A: Patients and families who choose Hospice are the

core of the Hospice team and are at the center of all de-cision making. A multi-disciplinary team supports the patient and the family. This team consists of physicians, nurses, aides, social workers, spiritual caregivers, counsel-ors, therapists and volunteers.

A primary caregiver may be a life partner, relative, or friend. They are trained to work closely with staff to help with feeding, bathing, turning, administering medications, and monitoring changes in a patient’s condition. The team works with the patient and his or her family to develop a personalized care plan. Hospice staff respect patient wish-es and help foster communication among family members.

Q: When is it time to call Hospice for help?A: Hospice care is appropriate for individuals with a

diagnosis of a life-limiting illness or disease who have decided to no longer pursue a curative approach to their care and wish a comfort approach that focuses on pain and symptom management. A life-limiting illness is one in which the prognosis is less than six months.

Q: What services does Hospice provide?A: Hospice provides physician services, nursing servic-

es, Hospice aides, medical appliances and supplies, social services, spiritual services, dietary and other counseling as appropriate and needed, continuous care during crisis periods, trained volunteers, bereavement and grief support services and music therapy.

A Q & A about Hospice careHospice care provides

dignified end-of-life care to terminally ill people

and their families. When the decision is made to discontinue life saving health care measures, Hospice workers help

patients and their loved ones navigate the final months of

life through medical care, pain management

and bereavement and counseling services.


Q: What does Hospice cost and is it covered by insurance?

A: Hospice care is a covered benefit under Medicare for patients with a prognosis of six months or less. A patient can remain in Hospice care beyond six months if a physi-cian re-certifies that the patient is terminally ill. This ben-efit covers all services, medications and equipment related to the illness.

Many private health insurance policies and HMOs of-fer Hospice coverage, as does the military for its families under Tricare. Regular Medicare coverage is available to Hospice beneficiaries for non-terminal related services.

Q: How long does Hospice care last?A: Hospice care for the terminally ill patient lasts

through death, but survivor support continues for at least 13 months thereafter.

Q: What additional services does Hospice offer for family members?

A: Hospice provides caring for the caregiver, a resource library, social services, spiritual services, a camp for kids called Camp BearAble and camps for families called Camp Harmony. Grief support groups are open to people of all ages, with no requirement of Hospice services being used in order to participate in camps or grief support.

Q: Does Hospice offer grief support?A: Yes. Bereavement specialists stay in touch for a mini-

mum of 13 months after a loved one’s death, offering grief support and resources.

Q: When does our relationship with Hospice end?A: The relationship for most families ends when the

family no longer needs grief support after their loved one dies. While this may draw to a conclusion the patient-related association, for many family members a new door opens with the desire to volunteer for Hospice. Many volunteers are the loved ones of patients. Their Hospice experience was a positive one and they want to make sure the agency and its services are there for other families and patients. For many, it is a “way of giving back” for the lov-ing and compassionate care given their loved one.

Q: How does one become a Hospice volunteer?A: More than 95,000 people of all ages volunteer and

provide more than 5 million hours of care and service for Hospice annually. Some volunteers have professional skills or specialized expertise, but most are just people who want to help their friends and neighbors and serve the community. In fact, if the Hospice wishes to receive Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement, federal law re-quires that at least 5% of patient care hours be provided by volunteers.

Contact a local Hospice to inquire about volunteer op-portunities. These can include patient support, family respite and support, child care assistance, bereavement support and fund-raising and administrative work. To ensure that all volunteers are equipped for the challenge of working with the dying, hospices require that volunteers complete exten-sive orientation and training sessions, as well as submit to a routine background check. Depending on area of service, ad-ditional training may be available or necessary.

State of the Heart Hospice is a non-profit agency that has served more than 11,000 families since 1981. With offices in Ohio and Indiana, it was the first rural based Hospice pro-gram in the U.S. that served a totally rural community. For further information visit www.stateof theheartcare.org, or contact your local Hospice office.

PAGE 10 | MAY 23, 2010

The decisions necessary to lay a loved one to rest are typically made after the loved one dies. Emotions, immediacy and not knowing what to expect at the funeral home can add a great deal of stress to the

grieving process. Knowledge of your consumer rights and what is involved in funeral planning can ease the stresses of these difficult but necessary decisions.

The Federal Trade Commission governs the funeral business and requires funeral homes to provide a general price list and itemized price lists for every item and ser-vice they offer. In brief, the FTC provides the following protections for funeral consumers:

• You have the right to choose the funeral goods and services you want (with some exceptions).

• The funeral provider must give you a General Price List (GPL) that states your right to choose what you want in writing.

• If state or local law requires you to buy any particular good or service, the funeral provider must disclose it on the price list, with a reference to the specific law.

• The funeral provider cannot refuse to handle a casket or urn you bought elsewhere — or charge you a fee to do that.

• A funeral provider who offers cremations must make alter-native containers available.

• You can’t be charged for embalming that your family didn’t authorize, unless it’s required by state law.

When visiting the mortuary to make funeral arrange-ments, take the deceased’s Social Security number, cloth-ing for burial including shoes and undergarments, jewelry and glasses, obituary information, military discharge form DD-214 and any insurance policies intended for use as pay-ment for services. The funeral director will itemize acces-sories and return them to the family, if requested, and will obtain the life insurance payment directly.

“We know the policies and procedures and what phone calls to make,” said Chad Douglass, funeral home manager

at Elm Ridge Funeral Home and Memorial Park. “The fam-ily doesn’t have to come out of pocket for the expenses. It’s a huge relief to the family.”

When Douglass works with families he begins with obtaining death certificate information. He then sends it for certification by the Department of Health and obtains several copies for the family. Then he begins the funeral planning process.

“Most people know if they want burial or cremation,” he said, “but after that we help them plan the rest.”

After he presents the general price list and itemized selections, Douglass guides families through the selec-tion process of traditional service or single day service. Alternative service selections include immediate burial or cremation, single day visitation with funeral service at another facility and anatomical donation arrangements. Embalming is not required, but is another of the decisions that need to be made. Caskets and urns are available in several materials and colors, with customizable interior and exterior details.

“The most important thing is not to worry about the material, but what the person would like,” Douglass said.

In other words, selecting the burial container in a color, material and with personalization the deceased would like is more important than the protective qualities of the con-tainer. The protection is actually in the vault, which is the outer container that the casket or urn is placed into before burial. The vault not only protects the casket and body (other than natural decomposition), but also takes the weight of the earth off the casket and helps maintain level ground in the cemetery.

Some funeral homes also offer memorial markers, mon-uments and keepsakes.

Douglas said he helps loved ones write an appropriate obituary and, finally, select a memorial package. The me-morial package includes a guest book, memorial folders and thank you notes. Some funeral homes, such as Elm Ridge, include online condolences and a DVD photo slide-show in the memorial package.

The funeral director will answer all questions, and then see that the funeral service goes according to the loved one’s wishes.

“This business is about helping people through a diffi-cult time,” Douglass said.

Rest Assured

What to expect when you visit the funeral home

+PAGE 12 | MAY 23, 2010

+PAGE 12 | MAY 23, 2010


The decision to be buried or cremated is an entirely personal one, though it is sometimes guided by prac-ticality, religion, economics or personal fears.

Funeral director Dave Cox at The Meeks Mortu-ary and Crematory in Muncie said that people who want to leave more money to their children, or those who fear bodily decomposition, will often choose cremation over burial.

However, a vault can protect the casket and body and cremation isn’t significantly less expensive than a burial if traditional services are included. The price of the actual cremation is $350, but including a direct cremation funeral package the price is around $2,500 – or more depending on personal funeral selections according to the funeral home’s price list. A similar casket burial package is only a few hundred dollars more, keeping in mind that when all of the options are added up, a basic funeral service (with burial or cremation) not including the cemetery, marker, flowers and obituary costs an average of $7,323 according to the National Funeral Director’s Association.

Religious preferences also sometimes govern burial versus cremation. For example, Quakers bury before the funeral service and Catholics historically didn’t prefer cremation, but now accept it. Muslims have specific prepa-rations services and burial customs, as do the Mormon, Baha’i, Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish and Lutheran faiths.

Cremation might be clouded by lack of understanding. But there are laws in place that require a 48-hour wait pe-riod before cremation, authorization from a valid Power of Attorney for cremation and specific documentation by the funeral director. Other laws rule the cremation process, including that there is no requirement for embalming or casketing and only one body can be cremated at a time.

On the other hand, some people are simply skeptical about cremation, according to Gordon Cox at The Meeks. He said the Midwest is slow to change, but cremation popularity is growing. Still, burial is more traditional and more popular. Currently about 30 percent of funerals at The Meeks involve cremation, he said. (The U.S. crema-tion rate is 36 percent, according to the NFDA.)

Nonetheless, cremation doesn’t have to eliminate the funeral or memorial service. If a viewing is desired, casket rental is available to minimize cost. If not, the cremains are placed into the container of the loved one’s choice or a temporary container if no permanent container has yet been chosen. Then a funeral or memorial takes place, if

desired. “Cremation is just another step,” Gordon Cox said. “It

can be exactly the same as a traditional funeral.”While a casket is traditionally buried or placed in a

mausoleum, cremains have nearly unlimited options for disposition. The Coxes have known families to send cre-mains into space, scatter them, bury them, keep them in their homes, place them in a niche or mausoleum and place them in a cremation garden.

The funeral business is always changing, Gordon Cox says of his 44 years at Meeks. From unlimited container and disposition options to personalized funerals and unique funeral motorcades, “today,” he said, “every fu-neral is different.”

Burial or Cremation?


Grave markers and monuments are one of the final tributes selected to memorialize loved ones. They are also the most lasting tribute. Today, monument makers offer unlimited options in creating markers,

monuments, mausoleums and signs.Wearly Monuments in Muncie has been in business for

110 years operating under the strength of multi-genera-tion employees from 19 families. Their monuments are selected, designed and finished in one location and then delivered and placed at the burial location.

Chaz Smith, manager of corporate sales at Wearly Monuments, helps clients begin the selection process with a few questions: Is it for a single person or two people? Will it be traditional or modern? Where will it be going? If it is going to be next to another loved one, should this one

match the existing monument?All of these questions are useful in determining the type

of stone, size and shape of the monument. Cemeteries have individual requirements, often depending on the sec-tion or location within the cemetery where the monument will be placed. For example, at Elm Ridge next door to Wearly Monuments taller monuments are allowed toward the center of each section, while shorter specifications are set for perimeters.

Most common, according to Smith, is a $3,000 Barre granite monument that is grey in color with a 3.5 feet wide tablet and 4.5 feet wide base and cement foundation. The tablet is the upright portion of the monument that con-tains the deceased’s name and some biographical informa-tion.

“You can go out to a cemetery and find a 100 year old Barre,” Smith said. “They’re very durable.”

Wearly also offers a budget line monument in the choice of three colors for $1,070, custom mausoleums starting at $20,000 and feature memorials with price based on design. An example of a feature memorial is the Prather monument at Elm Ridge.

The monument took about four years to complete from conception to placement. Other examples are columnar memorials, bench monuments and carved animals or an-gels.

Smith said granite from all around the world is used, mostly from the Dakotas, Vermont and Wisconsin. But some is imported from Africa and India. Granite is mostly available in grey, black, red and mahogany. Sometimes marble from Georgia is used, though less commonly than granite.

A few finishing trends Smith sees often on monuments are bronze embellishments, marble carvings, matching vases, photo etchings and genealogy information. The vases are available in granite or heavy cast aluminum. Etching is done on a special machine on black monu-ments only, which allows the most contrast for visibility sake. Etchings are either left black and white or color-ized in detail. Raised lettering requires hand-tooling, but otherwise monuments are machine engraved and sand-blasted.

No matter what kind of marker or monument is select-ed, “take time with this decision,” Smith advises, “because this is going to be there for a long time representing your family.”

PAGE 14 | MAY 23, 2010

Choosing a headstone or monument


One funeral planning item that can be daunting is selecting a casket or urn. Years ago the selection process involved visiting an enormous room filled with different colors, styles and materials of caskets.

Families were expected to browse, ask a few questions and then make a selection.

That process was overwhelming to people who were in their initial grief period, according to Funeral Home Manager Chad Douglass at Elm Ridge Funeral Home and Memorial Park. As a result, Elm Ridge and other funeral homes have scaled down the visual options. Now the cas-ket and urn options are presented in a smaller room with miniaturized corners of caskets and pieces of the interior showing a representation of all of the options available.

For a ground burial, Douglass says typically people select an 18-gague steel, poplar or oak casket, which cost around $3,000. Less expensive and more extravagant cas-kets are also available in a range of designs, colors and materials. In accordance with the law, all pricing is avail-able during the selection process.

Oversized caskets are also available in colors and styles similar to standard caskets. Where height is a factor, Dou-glass said that funeral directors usually can raise the deceased’s knees and cross the feet to accommodate for the length of a standard casket. If the deceased is extremely tall, custom caskets and vaults are available.

Douglass said people consider several factors when selecting a casket, aside from economics, including whether the casket can be sealed, the level of casket corrosion and the level of remains protection. Wood caskets, such as the popular poplar and oak varieties, are or-ganic materials that cannot be sealed.

Steel caskets do corrode over time. Stain-less steel will pit and corrode, but takes lon-ger than standard steel. Non-magnetic stain-less steel will not rust or corrode, and cooper and bronze are precious metals containing zinc, which protects them from corrosion.

Keeping in mind that the vault, or the con-tainer the casket is placed into before it is placed into the ground, is where the level of protection becomes a factor. The two types of vaults are air seal (also known as basic concrete) and premium. The basic vault, costing around $900, forms a seal over the casket, such as the seal

formed when a cup is lowered upside down directly onto water, allowing no water to enter the inside. Premium vaults, ranging in price from around $1,200 up to $5,000, also offer protection from the elements.

Urns are also available in numerous sizes, shapes and materials. Prices range from about $30 up to thousands. An urn does not have to be selected right away if no immedi-ate burial is planned, allowing time to customize the size and shape preferred for wherever the urn will eventually remain. Special biodegradable urns are used, as are coral reef containers, when cremains are dropped at sea.

Burial, whether in the ground or in a mausoleum or niche, is also recommended for urns. Douglass said burial prevents decision making several generations after death when people do not know what to do with cremains. Vaults are also available for burying urns, as are keepsake urns and jewelry for close loved ones to keep a small amount of ashes before disposition.

The final decision is selecting a permanent resting place. The most common disposition is ground burial in a cemetery plot, which costs around $1,000 up to $2,000. Perimeter and feature spots within a cemetery are more expensive. Private mausoleums require

more space, costing more for the plot and above-ground burial.

Private mausoleums start at around $20,000, but can be tens of thousands

more depending on size, detail and ma-terials. Many cemeteries also have

indoor crypts and outdoor garden mausoleums.

Cemeteries also have indoor niches for cremains. These are cabinet-like units with clear dis-play fronts. Cremains can also be

buried in the ground or in a crypt. The cremains of three people can

fit in the same amount of space as one casket. Often families will hold cremains until a spouse or other loved one passes and bury them together. However, com-monly people wish for their ashes to be scattered. Douglass said it is perfectly

legal to scatter ashes on private property, but permission should be sought for dispo-

sition on public land and land owned by oth-ers and in public waterways.

Choosing a casket or urn


Pre-planned and pre-paid funeral factsA pre-planned funeral is one that has been arranged in advance with

measures taken to ensure funeral-related products and services are select-ed prior to death. Products refers to items such as the casket or urn, vault and monument, while services refers to embalming and body preparations, use of facilities, cremation, funeral cars, etc. Other funeral-related items, called “cash advance items,” include flowers, death certificates, honorari-ums and cemetery expenses.

“There is a good argument for making decisions regarding one’s own funeral in advance in an environment less stressful,” said Chad Meacham of Meacham Funeral Service in Albany, Ind. “Without them, families can feel much more overwhelmed when they come into a funeral home to arrange a funeral at the time of a death.”

Although considering your own funeral might seem morbid or unneces-sary, funeral pre-planning allows one to make decisions about final disposi-tion that would otherwise be left to survivors. Surviving loved ones can get caught up in the grieving process and forget what was intended and budgeted. It also eliminates disagreement among family members.

During the pre-planning meeting, a funeral director will walk through everything necessary, including gathering biographical and affiliation infor-mation and explaining payment options. A pre-arranged funeral might be paid in full, in part, or not at all.

“In Indiana,” Meacham said, “when money is received for a pre-planned funeral it must not be retained by the funeral home but instead must be placed into a bank trust especially set up for that purpose or placed into an insurance product provided by the funeral home, sometimes referred to as funeral insurance.”

Funeral insurance is taken out in a specific amount reflecting the actual cost of pre-planning selections. The amount of premium payments varies relative to the total cost of pre-arrangements and the term of the policy. If the price of selections rises over time, a balance will be owed at the funeral. Purchasing funeral insurance assures that the funds will be used toward funeral expenses and relieves loved ones of the burden of planning and paying for the funeral.

Payment can also be made through a funeral trust, a life insurance policy, a savings account or certificate of deposit account earmarked for funeral expenses, or with cash. If paying cash for a pre-planned funeral, the prices for products and services are locked in, but for cash advance items are not. If the prices for these items rise over time, a balance is owed at the funeral.

The National Funeral Directors Association has developed a Bill of Rights for Funeral Planning available on its website at www/nfda.org. The NFDA recommends a thorough re-view of the pre-arrangement contract before signing. Once arrangements are made, a copy of the paperwork should be stored in a safe or with other important papers and a trusted loved one should be told where the papers are located.


There are few rules bounding obituaries and eulogies. Both can be devised as long or short as desired and can contain, for the most part, whatever information is desired.

Obituaries are guided somewhat by cost. At The Star Press, a standard obituary containing the deceased’s name, age, city of residence and visitation is provided for free. But there is a fee for extended obituaries and those that include a photo. That fee, ranging from $115.50 to $177.50 or more, allows families to include additional information such as where the deceased worked and names of survi-vors.

“How detailed they get depends on the family,” said Jeff Bowman, funeral director and general manager at Parson Mortuary. “It’s an individual thing. Some families don’t want an obituary.”

Bowman works with families at the funeral home to write a fitting obituary. He said that most often it contains:

• The full name and any nicknames the deceased per-sonwas known by

• The person’s age and birth date• Place of employment• Education information• Military service• Organization affiliations• Activities• Listing of survivors

He encourages families to include detailed genealogy such as mother’s maiden name and names of siblings. He also advocates for the photo.

“Pictures are very important,” he said. “You might rec-ognize the picture but not the name.”

Of course, an obituary should contain visitation hours and the day and time of funeral services. If memorial con-tributions are preferred over flowers, the obituary should mention that, as well.

He also said that there is a benefit when people pre-plan their funerals, as he is able to talk with the person prior to death to learn facts about their lives family members may not know. People know their own history and biography better than grieving loved ones who might be forgetful due to the emotions involved in planning a funeral. The obituary ends up more accurate and detailed. This also

helps Bowman personalize the funeral.Some families, rather than using detailed information

in the obituary, save it for the actual eulogy. The eulogy is unique to every funeral, and is most often given by a friend, family member or pastor. Some are long and some are short.

“It’s the personal side – telling the stories,” Bowman said. “It’s story-telling about the person and the memo-ries.”

It should be considered an honor to deliver a eulogy. One should take care in presenting reasons why the de-ceased was loved and will be missed. The eulogy can be serious, humorous or a combination of both, should be factual and should not be embellished. It can be chrono-logical, have a specific theme or focus on a particular time period. The eulogy might contain:

• Biographical information• Stories about the deceased’s childhood• Stories the deceased had shared during his or her

lifetime• Memories of time shared with the deceased• Humorous stories• Favorite jokes or poems• Little-known facts and tidbits about the deceased• Mention of the deceased’s contributions to the lives

of others• The deceased’s lifetime achievements

Bowman said a eulogy should always be prepared ahead of time. He suggests notes or note cards to help stay on track because emotions can make delivering the eulogy difficult. And regardless of what the eulogy says, it should be written from the heart.

What to include in an obituary and eulogy“It’s the personal side – telling the

stories,” Bowman said. “It’s story-telling about the person and the memories.”

Jeff Bowman, funeral director and general manager at Parson Mortuary


The Rev. Dr. Ron Naylor of First Presbyterian Church in Muncie has 40 years experience officiating at more than 1,600 funerals. He said that in addition to having clergy preside over the service, scripture, hymns and other sacred music are parts of the reli-

gious funeral. When planning this type of service, it is important to consider what songs and scriptures the deceased would want, and if other speakers will be involved. Religious services can take place in either a funeral home chapel or at a church. Naylor typically invites his church members to have their funerals at the church as a worship service.

“A funeral service in a church follows a similar pattern as that of a Sunday morning service,” Naylor said. “A typical service would be as follows: prelude, call to worship, hymn, prayer of invocation, Old Testament scripture (Psalms), New Testament scripture (resurrec-tion passages), homily, shared comments by family or friends, litany, Hymn, closing prayers, benediction and postlude. The Catholic ser-vice would include a Mass.”

Commonly used Psalms are Psalm 23 and Psalm 90. Other scrip-tures are often a selection from I Corinthians 15, Isaiah 61 and Eccle-siastes 3. While “Amazing Grace” is a very common funeral hymn, others that have been used during funerals Naylor has performed include: “On Eagles Wings,” “Take My Hand, Precious Lord” and “Just As I Am.” Dozens of hymns are appropriate for funerals, and can be selected with the help of a clergyperson or based on personal favor-ites.

Naylor said it’s also important to sit down with the officiant to share information about the deceased. He usually asks questions such as, “What did your loved one’s life teach you?” or “What did you learn from their life?” Learning more about the loved one is helpful in giv-ing a fitting tribute.

“Every life has meaning,” he said, “and not to share something unique about each person seems to miss the essence of a religious or secular service.”

He also said that it can be helpful to have a clergyperson help the family work through grief issues. Sometimes divorced or blended families have difficulty agreeing on funeral issues. And coping with the loss of a child, suicide or accidental death can be most difficult.

There may be fees associated with the religious service, such as an honorarium or donation for services. The funeral director will know what is customary for the church or clergyperson involved, and can also suggest a church or clergyperson for those who don’t have a church home but still want a religious or church funeral.

Planning a religious funeral servicePlanning a

religious funeral is not much different

from planning a secular funeral.

Simply having a clergyperson

officiate a funeral sets it apart as a religious service.

Rest Assured

Psalms and other Bible versesJesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He

who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and who-ever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” —John 11: 25-26

• Psalm 23• Psalm 90• 1 Corinthians 15: 51-55• Isaiah 61: 1-3• John 10: 27-29• Romans 8: 38-39

Memorial poems and readingsMany tender memories soften your grief,May fond recollection bring you relief,And may you find comfort and peace in the thoughtOf the joy that knowing your loved one brought...For time and space can never divideOr keep your loved one from your sideWhen memory paints in colors trueThe happy hours that belonged to you.

— Helen Steiner Rice

Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson (Zangare)“I’m Free” by Author UnknownGod Took Him to His Loving Home by Author Un-

knownYour Mother is Always With You by Author UnknownA Child Loaned by Edgar A. GuestMay the Road Rise Up to Meet You an Irish Blessing

Traditional funeral hymns and songs of celebrationOn Eagles Wings by Michael JoncasTake My Hand, Precious Lord by Thomas DorseyAmazing Grace by John NewtonJust As I Am by Charlotte ElliotNearer My God to Thee by Sarah F. AdamsIn Christ Alone by Keith Getty and Stuart TownendTrading My Sorrows by Darrell Evans“My Reward” by Paul Baloche

Pop, country and instrumental musicWhen I think backOn these timesAnd the dreamsWe left behindI’ll be glad ‘causeI was blessed to getTo have you in my lifeWhen I look backOn these daysI’ll look and see your

faceYou were right there

for me

In my dreamsI’ll always see you

soarAbove the skyIn my heartThere will always be a

placeFor you for all my lifeI’ll keep a partOf you with meAnd everywhere I amThere you’ll beAnd everywhere I amThere you’ll be

— excerpts from “There You’ll Be” by Faith Hill

Memory from CatsTurn, Turn, Turn by The ByrdsThe Prayer by Charlotte ChurchTears in Heaven by Eric ClaptonFuneral for a Friend by Elton JohnDon’t Cry a Tear by Lyle LovettShips of Heaven by BlackhawkWatermark by EnyaMoonlight Sonata by BeethovenWinter by Vivaldi

PAGE 20 | MAY 23, 2010

Poems, Psalms, hymns and songsNearly every traditional funeral includes the reading of Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. These words emphasize the peace and comfort in death. Still there are other scriptures, poems, hymns and songs used as final tributes. The following is a list of titles and resources, each of which is fitting for funeral and memorial services:

The Web site heavenlywhitedoves.net offers a number of selections from

each category above, as does creative-

funeral-ideas.com. A final option would be to pen a personalized

poem or song that conveys your unique

feelings and memories about your loved one.

Senior Singles• Meeting location: Gethsemane United

Methodist Church, 1201 W. McGalliard Road, Muncie.

• Meeting frequency: Twice monthly at 5 p.m.• For information, call: 765-284-6877

Keenagers• Meeting location: Gethsemane United

Methodist Church, 1201 W. McGalliard Road, Muncie.

• Meeting frequency: First Wednesdays at noon

• For information, call: 765-284-6877

Thursday Luncheon• Anyone Welcome• Meeting location: High Street United

Methodist Church, 219 S. High Street, Muncie.• Meeting frequency: Every Thursday at 11:30

a.m.• For information, call: Charlotte Overmeyer

at 765-747-8500

Kids Grief Group• A structured program available for children

in kindergarten through fourth grade• Meeting location: Varies• Meeting frequency: Two times a year for six

weeks each• For information, call: Ball Memorial Hospice

at 765-747-4273

Grief Workshop for Children (accompanied by a parent or guardian)• Meeting frequency: June – Dove’s Journey,

December - Project Snowflake• For information, call: Meg Scott at 317-338-

4008• For parents who have experienced the loss

of a child• Contact Carolyn Pritchard 317-338-4444

Heartbeat of East Central Indiana – Survivors After Suicide

• Meeting Location: Kennedy Library, 117 W. McGalliard Road, Muncie.

• Meeting frequency: Third Thursdays at 7 p.m.

• For information, call: Sheri Hole at 765-282-0984

Adult Grief Groups• Meeting frequency: Offered twice each year• For information, call: Ball Memorial Hospice

at 765-747-4273

Grief Recovery• Workshop, video series and informal

conversation• Meeting location: High Street United

Methodist Church, 219 S. High Street, Muncie.• Meeting frequency: VariesFor information, call: Charlotte Overmeyer at

765-747-8500

Road to Healing• Structured program available to any adult

experiencing grief• Meeting location: Varies, call for location• Meeting frequency: Four times a year for six

weeks each• For information, call: Meg Scott at 317-338-

4008

Journey Through Grief• Meeting location: St. Vincent’s Hospice• Meeting frequency: First and third Thursday

evenings• Drop-in group, no advanced registration

needed• For information, call: Meg Scott at 317-338-

4008

Grief and the Holidays• Meeting location: St. Vincent’s Hospice• Meeting Frequency: Every November• For information, call: Meg Scott at 317-338-

4008

A Daughter’s Grief• For women who have experienced a loss of

a mother• Meeting location: St. Vincent’s Hospice, 8450

N. Payne Road, Indianapolis. • Meeting Frequency: Two-hour sessions four

times a year for six weeks each• For information, call: Meg Scott at 317-338-

4008


Grief Support

Grief is a normal part of bereavement following the loss of

a loved one. It typically follows five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The

stages are not always followed in the same order, can be repeated

and are experienced uniquely by every person. Sometimes the

grieving process can be physically exhausting, overwhelming and lengthy; lasting six months to

several years and recurring unexpectedly from time to time

after the initial grief has subsided. A number of support groups

are available within the Muncie community to assist adults, children

and families through the grief process.

Personalizing your funeralThe use of photo collages, videos, slideshows and popular music is a grow-

ing funeral trend. These tributes personalize the funeral service, often telling the story of the deceased person’s life and closest personal relationships.

A photo display can be a single framed photo, a collage of randomly ar-ranged photographs covering a bulletin board, a detailed display of chrono-logical photos with names and dates or a slideshow of pictures set to music.

Elm Ridge has permanent audio/video equipment in its funeral home. Screens located at the memorial book podium and above the casket display photo slideshows or videos, audio equipment plays pre-recorded music from an MP3 device and video equipment records the funeral service and live streams it on the Internet at the family’s request. Parson has A/V equipment, as well.

Meeks Mortuary has had families personalize funerals by bringing in fish-ing poles, motorcycles and other tools or equipment for display next to the casket during services. And Meeks funeral processions have involved numer-ous non-traditional methods of transporting the casket, such as in a truck or pulled behind a motorcycle.

Every funeral is different and can be as personal as each family desires it to be.

Funeral keepsakesAfter the funeral, family and friends often wish to retain a memento

from the deceased or the service. Websites such as memorials.com of-fer extensive selections, but some funeral homes also offer keepsakes along with local, personalized service.

• Urns: Prices vary based on material, color, style and purpose, rang-ing from $30 upward into the thousands. Glass, ceramic and custom carved wood urns are the most expensive. Urns are also available in biodegradable materials and with matching keepsake vases.

• Miniature urns: These smaller versions store a small amount of cremains, and come in replica designs, animal shapes, engravable cubes and refillable oil candles. Prices typically range from $25 to $300.

• Urn jewelry: Pendants and rings hold a very small amount of cre-mains. They are available in hundreds of shapes, including heart, paw print, flower, vials, breast cancer ribbon, crosses and zodiac signs. Prices range from $30 to $1,000.

• Thumbprint jewelry: Made by Thumbies® and other custom jewelry makers, these pendants preserve your loved one’s fingerprint in sterling silver, white gold or yellow gold. Available as a standard oval charm, in other shapes and with precious stones, prices start at $125.

• Memorial stickers: Completely customizable with text and pic-tures for about $10.

• Photographs of the deceased, casket and flowers: Take them on your

own for free or consult a professional event photographer for rates.

•Other keepsake ideas include: DNA kits, Shadow box (photos, lock of hair and other mementos), flag and

medallion case, garden stone, hand-crafted heirloom candle, trinket box, etched

crystal keychain, etched photo plaque, sculp-tures and statuettes, coffee table photo album, photo collage and DVD of funeral service.


| MAY 23, 2010

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