remaining friends in marriage

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

1

REMAINING FRIENDS

IN MARRIAGE


2

The closest person in marriage relationship after God is your spouse. He/she is your closest friend. The start of the relationship that leads into marriage is friendship. We all start from there.


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Marriage based on friendship can last forever. Over a time there is building of capacity as our marriage relationship deepens. We support each other more and comfort each other. This requires what I call 2Ts .


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TRUST is built over TIME. We get into marriage with high hopes and expectations and we can only stay together if we are committed to the friendship. When TRUST erodes , the friendship weakens and we start having marital difficulties.


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Marriage is the most important human relationship a man and a woman voluntarily commit to in love. It was designed to survive raising kids to adulthood and all of the stresses and strains involved in family life.


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Obviously, the marriage friendship doesn't just automatically out-last all of these things. It must be lovingly nourished if it's to handle the demands placed upon it.


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The blessing of friendship and tenderness in marriage honors an unchanging truth: A wife's loving companionship was designed by God to meet her husband’s number-one relationship need.


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Friendship is a High Investment Marital friendship thrives with

the companionship, shelter, and support we give our spouse. Like a garden, it must be wisely tended, watered, weeded, and harvested. Done well, these responsibilities require a generous investment of time, effort, and energy.


9

Jesus affirmed, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:21). Husbands/wives know when their spouses treasure them. They see it in their eyes, hear it in their voices, feel it in their touch.


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When we honor our husbands /wives with our time, attention, and presence, we give them the opportunity to understand why their feelings, passions, life experiences, and well-being matter to us. Above all, we invite them to trust that our love for them is non-negotiable.


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Think back to a time when a friend gave you the gift of his/her time, attention, and comfort. How did you feel? What did he/she do or say that was especially meaningful to you?


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Meeting your spouse’s God-made need for physical, emotional, and spiritual connection with you will require a certain amount of flexibility, patience, and understanding.


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The blessing of friendship and tenderness is a priceless gift. Spouses who have received it from their spouses say that nothing else compares with the kind of intimate companionship only their spouses supply.


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Spouses who have given it smile with satisfaction when asked to describe what they like most about their relationship with their spouse. It is a friendship worth nourishing and cultivating.


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BEING ONE

Embracing God together involves spontaneity and structure. Get to a place when you have time for prayers, Scripture reading, service, and more. Go slow if you have to, but do it. And remember, there is no perfect style.


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Stay focused on your purpose. Come to God with a spirit of

expectancy. Don't set each other up for

failure by trying to do too much. Don't be critical of each other's

efforts. Don't quit!


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The concept of “two becoming one” provides a permanence to the spiritual intimacy. The spouses' lives take on a shared meaning.


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They also revel in the shared journey they are making together.... It's no longer two individuals involved in competition and evaluation of one another. They're in this marriage together, and they're in it for the long haul.


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Communion with God. A shared meaning. A shared journey. Those are the basics of becoming one.


20

You are Friends

Marriage without friendship cannot work. Friendship has to be nourished and nurtured regularly or it faces the danger of becoming a business relationship. Couples that don't give attention to developing their friendship often come apart. It also creates an opening for marital infidelity.


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A lapsed friendship can be restored with intentionality, sacrifice, perseverance, and especially prayer. A good first step is to find activities that you like to do together – and then make the time do it.


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Friendship doesn’t just happen

While it may come easily during the early stages of a relationship, after time other responsibilities crowd in and friendship requires greater time and attention. You cannot passively sit back and expect friendship to appear, any more than you would with other relationships.


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Friendship requires time

We may say that friendship is important to us, but if we don’t give it the time it deserves, it simply won’t happen. Friendship is, after all, a relationship. Friendship is a dynamic, ever-changing relationship. It never stays the same.


24

Scripture has much to say about friendship, and in fact is filled with stories of friendships. None are perhaps more poignant than Ruth 1:16-18 who cared for one another in a deep way.


25 Ruth 1:16-18 “But Ruth said, "Don't force me

to leave you; don't make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I'll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I'll die, and that's where I'll be buried, so help me GOD-not even death itself is going to come between us!" When Naomi saw that Ruth had her heart set on going with her, she gave in”.(MSG)


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What is so touching to me about this caring relationship is the time and energy both invested in each other. They made sacrifices to be with each other and meet emotional and physical needs. We must model our friendship after their patterns of interacting.


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Friendship can always be cultivated It is never too late to

cultivate, or re-cultivate your marital friendship. Do this by taking an active interest in your spouse. Ask questions about their day, anticipating the issues concerning them and the excitements that they carry in their hearts. Care enough to know what your spouse is passionate about. Seek to understand them.


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Friendship requires fun.

Break out of your routines and do something spontaneous with your mate. Boredom is the product of doing the same things, in the same ways at the same times. Have some fun.


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Friendship requires that YOU be friendly Friendship is built upon the

small things of everyday life. Don’t forget to smile at your spouse, encouraging them at key moments, laughing about the craziness of life. Be a friendly and interesting person and your spouse will likely be one back.


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FINALLY DO ALL THAT YOU CAN TO

REMAIN FRIENDS. THIS IS THE KEY TO ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE.

remaining friends in marriage

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