Reflection of Feelings: Part 2

MCFC/MHC/CC Residency 1

Learning Objectives

• From this presentation, you will be given information to:– Support clients in experiencing and naming

underlying feelings– Develop your advanced empathy skills– Explore your concerns with helping clients

through reflection of feeling

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How do I KNOW what my client is feeling?

• At times, clients may not understand their feelings, are not aware of their feelings, do not know how to experience their feelings, or mislabel their feelings.

• It is often difficult to express feelings (the more personal the feelings, the greater risk individuals may perceive in allowing themselves to become vulnerable enough to express them).

• We can perceive our clients feelings by checking:– Their Non-verbals – Their content – Our perception

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How do we understand the feelings that our clients are expressing or not expressing?

• The feeling interpretation process is something we must learn to do as counselors and teach our clients to do.

• The goal is to become aware of the intentions and underlying motivations behind expressed feelings.

• Examples of underlying motivation: - to reject - to avoid - to resign

- to love - to demand - to defend

- to cooperate - to understand - to protest

- to hurt - to support

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How do we understand the feelings that our clients are expressing or not expressing?

• It is important to remember that feelings do not always get expressed. At times, feelings are not always recognized, accepted, and demonstrated constructively, which can lead to suppression and denial.– Example: Someone is irritating you, and instead of

expressing it, you bottle it. Over time, anger develops and you withdraw from the relationship.

• Suppression and denial can alter your ability to accurately perceive an event or it may bias your judgment

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Understanding the Root of the Feeling

• The root structure of a tree directs its growth. If there is some pathogen to the roots, then the branches will express it.

• For example, substance use/abuse in clients is likely not the underlying issue, but rather, the expression of that issue.

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Root Feelings

• There are 3 primary ROOT conditions that lead people to counseling:

– Guilt/shame– Bitterness/resentment– Rejection

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Activity

• What is the primary root feeling in the following examples?:- Depressed- Frustrated - Pleased- Loved- Fearful - Embarrassed- Anxious

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What is Advanced Empathy?

• Advanced empathy goes “behind” the spoken messages.• Advanced empathy goes deeper than reflection of feelings. • Advanced empathy goes beyond the expressed, to the

partially expressed and the implied. • Advanced empathy helps clients identify themes and make

connections. • Advanced empathy is naturally challenging, in that it places

a demand on clients to look deeper at themselves and their issues.*Compare: “you feel frustrated” vs. “you feel frustrated and it seems

like you wonder if it is worth continuing to strive for…”

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Advanced Empathy

• Funneling:– This is the process of

taking the very broad and general information the client shares and, through advanced empathy skills, focusing it so the client can better understand his or her underlying emotions.

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Potential Areas of Discomfort

• What if you are wrong about the client’s feeling(s)?

• The client will correct you in most cases.• You can add a “check out” to make sure.• Not a big deal unless you are ALWAYS wrong.

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Potential Areas of Discomfort

Emotional intensity of client:• Not all clients express emotions in same way and

not all clients express emotions the way counselors expect them to:– Some clients have a sensorimotor emotional

orientation – they experience (truly feel) the emotions

– Some clients have concrete emotional orientation – they can name feelings, but don’t experience them.

– Some client have an abstract emotional orientation – these clients will think about emotions.

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Checking Out

• Occurs when counselor wants client feedback to see if he/she is understanding correctly, is genuinely confused, or has a “hunch” that bears trying out. Counselors use this to have client confirm or correct the statement.– Brief phrase or question to make sure on right page: “Am I hearing

you correctly?” of “Is that close?”. This technique combines well with paraphrasing and summarizing.

– Confusion: “I’m a little confused right now. You just said….. And then said…” (this is also a confrontation)

– Hunches: “That seemed to hit home; Am I right?”

• Be sure to speak genuinely. Clients can perceive how genuine you are.

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An Example

• Peter says to his counselor: “What seems to be really bothering me is a problem with sex. I don’t even know whether I’m a man or not, and I’m in college! I don’t go out with women. I don’t even think I want to. I may…. Well, I may even be gay… Uh, I don’t know” (falls silent and looks at floor)– Counselor Response:

• “What I hear you saying, Peter, is that you are confused about your sexual identity because you are not interested in dating women. This makes you feel bad about yourself and you wonder what is wrong with you. Am I hearing you correctly?”

• Response = paraphrase, reflect feeling, check out– Note: Your personal opinion about the client’s issues (with a confirmatory or

defamatory valence) are not appropriate here.

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Activity

In small groups, identify the correct feelings expressed in the following scenarios:

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Choose the right emotion and level of intensity for this client statement:

• “I am just so sick and tired of that jerk thinking he can take credit for all of my ideas at work!”– Miserable Disturbed Annoyed Seething

• “I am so tired. I feel like everyone in my life is a parasite…sucking the life out of me. I never have time for myself.”– Puzzled Sorrowful Depressed Vexed

• “I just don’t know what to do. Now that my husband has been laid off, we are getting behind on our bills and we don’t have anywhere else to live. I know we will be kicked out of hour home soon.”– Ill-at-ease Awkward Embarrassed Worried

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• “ I hate graduate school! I don’t know why I thought I could do this. It seems like everyone else has it all together, you know. They do well on exams and turn their papers in on time. I am just not as smart as they are and can’t get things done right!”– Ashamed Hesitant Inferior Worthless

• “I don’t know what to think about my son. He back talks me…treats me like a dog! And I gave birth to him!!! I try to talk with him and he ignores me.”– Aggravated Discarded Overlooked Afraid

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Summary

• In conclusion, there are many considerations to have when reflecting feelings.

• Appropriate reflection includes manifest and latent feeling

• The goal is to help clients reframe statements of their own feelings for optimal communication.

• The reflection technique allows clients to have ownership of their feelings

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References

Egan, G. (2010). The skilled helper: A problem management and opportunity development approach to helping (9th ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole (Cengage Learning). ISBN: 978-0-495-60189-0 or 0-495-60189-6 hard.

Egan, G. (2010). Exercises in helping skills: A manual to accompany the skilled helper (9th ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole (Cengage Learning). ISBN: 978-0-495-80632-5 or 0-495-80632-3 soft.

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