Oh, the War Between the States was anything but civil

Now, the election of 1860Featured quite a threat

The Dems couldn’t were splitAnd Lincoln fit the bill

This ticked off some statesWho decided to extricate

The stage was just being setFor this war of ours

Woo hoo!Yippee!

Something’s stirring, yessiree!

So the South launched an invasionWithout explanation,

And Sumter’s guards started uttering exclamations:HALT! We need supplies!

ALARM! We're under attack!FINE! We surrender, take what you desire!AAAK! I am killed by this cannon’s backfire!

Important slave states were right in betweenLeave the Union? No, they stuck with it and remained

With the help of Lincoln’s federal men

Oh, the US, suffering until Lincoln,A Copperhead here could talk

But now they open their mouthsOne misspoken word

And they’re sent to the big houseYes, Habeas Corpus!

Lincoln struck down that constitutional rule.

So in 1861 the battling was begunNaïve sides thinking it would be one and done.

Bull RunShilohAntietam

Unprepared was R. E. LeeDarn those errant smokes

¼ of his men gone, but no counterattack?These slows, what a joke!

Vicksburg

Western fortress controlled the MissRumpled Grant set up a siege

His dash and flash got the Southerners thinkingToo bad their undermanned ship was sinking

Gettysburg Cold Harbor

Lee’s final victory, massive Union slaying

Pressured from radicals, Abe gave inFreeing rebel slaves after Antietam

“We are not desperate at all, you see.“This proves it to the Brits and my own party”

Homestead ActHomestead, Homestead, Homestead, get your cheap land here

Free-spending Congress giving acres hereGot a lot of territory land, and we make it clear

So come and get it as long as the southerners ain’t here!

Contract Labor ActPacific Railroad Act

New economic policies are starting to debutWith GOPs in Congress the bills are guaranteed to get through

Need subsidies for transcontinental tracks? Here you go!Just make good use of federal land and the dough.

Trent AffairDraft Riots

Did you hear the South’s printing money now?Maybe they can use their cash to rebuild Atlanta after we burn it to the ground!

’64 election!It came right in the middle!

’64 election!Lincoln’s chances seemed little!

But he was re-elected with a few maneuvers and well-timed victoriesAnd look, he regained the Presidency!

Cautious, cautious McClellan,Never on the go.

Like a bunch of tranquilized bees,Floating pollen on the breeze.

Not over the battlefield,Absent from the trees,

Stuck in the post was he.Fiddling in camp is where he was!

Fly where?Into Lincoln’s doghouse!

Constant pressure was his beliefNever letting up, not allowing relief

Unmoved, he was a butcher,But at least he got the job done

Loyal Virginian Lee surrendered and finally the blues had won!The winner!

Yippee!Until on the battlefield you see

Johnny and Billy, young men who died,At least they rest close to family.

A regal man,J.D. fit the bill on paper and what an impressive arrival

But he dibbled, he dabbled,And was actually inferior to his rival

I'm just a BillYes, I'm only a Bill

And I won’t leave here untilI’ve hurt the Confed. army and punished Georgia’s people

So I’ll make a sentinel and tie a knotAnd leave them with jack-squat

How I hope and pray that they lose their will,But today I am still just a Bill.

(Everyone calls me William, though)

Lincoln was unable to see his resultsInstead dying in a theatrical fashion

Putting the South back together was quite a taskBut it was finished once the North lost interest

The radicals wanted a word of ironTo punish the South

JohnsonCarpet baggers

No mere floor covering carrier were theyCame to exploit the South’s decay

Perhaps they were goodOr maybe not really apropos

What’s certain was their love for the dough

SharecroppersSupport Reconstruction regimes, how could you!

What a traitor, we don’t need them!Keep your help to yourself

We’ll just redeem ‘emRadical Republicans/ Yellow Dog Democrats

Yellow Dog Democrats knew just one partyYDDs knew

The Republicans, to them, were tabooYep, man’s best friend over man’s favorite omniscient one, that’s what I always

say.

Johnson’s state governments did not treat blacks well“We thought we were free!”

They cried and yelledBut far from emancipated, it was nearer to (shh…) s-l-a-v-e-r-y

To help the FreedmenCongress will make the transition not so bad

Southern whites got really madProtected the refugees from any undue wrongs

Don’t blink, it’s goneWasn’t there too long

Radical elephants wanted no more conservativeThey knew the time had comeFor them to take command.

It's very clear you're being unfair, AndyNo matter what you say, we won't obey.

Gonna hold a revolution now,And we're gonna run it all our way

We're gonna impeach a president! (No more AJ)He's gonna do what the Radicals want! (No more AJ)

We're gonna run things our way! (No more AJ)No executive brancher is going to tell us what to do!

No, you’re not states no more, just provinces of the armyFollow Congress’s requirements

And you’ll be back into the big happy familyOne side of the government took supreme

Legislative branch strong and boomingWatch out, though! Apathy and Redemption are looming!

Founded by Bedford, white hood tactics shockedWhile scared blacks stayed home

The vote was truly rocked

They wanted to try to tame the black governmentAnd bring it down to size

To let it grow unchecked like thisWas “certainly” unwise

Radical reconstruction was so easy, with no opponents presentRatified in Congress were three amendments

13 banned slavery, the next controversially struck the South, 15 forbade denial of votes and such

Results were laudable, but motivations? Not so much.

“Unconditional Surrender” was too loyal, too royalHis government men let him down

Any reaction? Just a frownWhatever happened to integrity,

As businessmen and nice old G made a mockery of democracy

America was the land of hope,Or so the legend told.

This was a good time for the craftySo much dishonesty, truly it was bold

Tilden surely had that voteJust one phone call needed

Oops! Must have been a misquote…

1876, full of tricksDisputed election

US headed in the wrong directionWhat a proper anniversary of the country’s conception!