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Reclusive

Obscenities

Fetus

Schmetus

#1April 2010

January 8, 2010

I was a couple of days late on my period and my

entire midsection (stomach, abdomen & breasts)

were swollen and tight feeling. I knew that I was

pregnant but didn’t want to admit it to myself

until I was sure. So I bought two pregnancy tests

and took them both just to be sure. In a word. SHIT!

Prologue

No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice

cream cone or a Porsche. She wants an abortion

as an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off

its own leg. ~Frederica Mathewes-Green1

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My husband, Rob, and I didn’t even have to talk

about what we were going to do. We’ve been on the

same page concerning kids since we first got

together over 12 years ago.

January 11, 2010

Since I didn’t find out I was pregnant until Friday

night I had to wait until Monday morning to call and

make my appointment. I had looked into the different

abortion options and really hoped that my local

clinic offered the medical option.

So I called and made my appointment, found out

that I could choose medical and now had an

appointment for Thursday afternoon.

At this point I’m kind of starting to get

frightened at what I’m going to have to go

through.

January 11-13, 2010

I try my best to keep my mind off of things but my

body is doing such strange things that it’s pretty

much impossible. I’m ready to just get it over

with.

I’m also starting to

wonder if I’ll have to

deal with protesters at

the clinic. I was told

when I made my appoint-

ment that I shouldn’t

engage them so I was

really hoping not to

have to deal with them

at all.

I really didn’t want to

have to ignore people

calling me slut &

murderer.

The Clinic

January 14, 2010

I was so glad the day had finally arrived but my

fear had also escalated exponentially.

We arrive at the clinic where luckily there were

no protesters. Seems mid winter in Colorado is a

good time to have an abortion.

I sat in the waiting room trying to read but having

no luck. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long

before I was called back for my ultrasound.

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I had a vaginal ultrasound since I was only a week

late on my period and found out I was 5 weeks

pregnant. The Dr. offered to let me see the ultra-

sound but told me that I didn’t have to and I

decided not to. She also asked me if the possibil-

ity of twins would change my mind which I thought

was an odd question. I answered no and it wasn’t

brought up again. Then I was told to get dressed

and go back to the waiting room until I was called

(which was only about 5 minutes later).

I was taken into a room where a nurse explained

everything I was have to do. I would be given one

pill at the clinic and would be given 4 to take

home. I had to sign a few forms saying everything

had been explained to me.

She also asked if I wanted to start birth control

which was a resounding yes.

The basic instructions for the medical abortion

were that I would take one pill at the clinic which

would stop the pregnancy hormones.

Then sometime after 24 hours but before 48 hours,

I was to take the 4 pills being sent home with me.

You place those between your cheeks for half an

hour. These cause your cervix to dilatate along

with uterine contractions

so that you expel the

pregnancy.

She then gave me a bag with

the 4 pills, some

antibiotics, my first month

of birth control and a

prescription for vicodin.

Then a Dr came in and gave

me the pill I take there, watched me take it and

sent me on my way with an appointment for my

followup in two weeks.

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Abortion Day

January 15, 2010

It’s now time to take the 4 pills which actually

trigger the abortion. The pill that they give you

at the clinic to stop the pregnancy hormone

actually makes you feel a bit better instead of

worse. But now I knew that wouldn’t be the case.

So I put the pills between my cheeks and let them

dissolve for half an hour. Which, BTW, really

gross. Though could be considered pleasant com-

pared to

the rest of my night ahead.

About half an hour after the pills had dissolved I

started bleeding and cramping, both of which are a

good thing and what you want to happen. The cramping

increased in severity over the next 20 minutes

until finally I was doubled over in pain.

Then I started getting sick. I ended up in the bath-

room for the next 45 minutes on the toilet with

diarrhea, throwing up into the trash can and have

such bad cramps that I almost passed out a couple of

times from the pain. This may well have been the

most painful thing I’ve ever been through.

I was supposed to call if the bleeding got bad

enough to soak through two pads an hour, however

they never said to call if the cramping became

unbearable. so I’m guessing that’s pretty normal

for medical abortions. I took 4 Vicodin in the

first hour and it didn’t seem to do anything.

After the first hour or so the cramps subsided to a

bearable level and I ended up laying around in bed

for the next 3 days feeling really weak and run

down.

I feel so lucky that I had Rob here to take care of

me and talk me through that 45 minutes of hell,

telling me that everything was going to be okay and

that it would be over soon. Then afterward, making

sure that I didn’t have to do anymore than

necessary until I felt up to it.

It really makes me feel for any woman who has to go

through it alone. I can’t imagine not having any

support or help but I know there are women out

there who have no one to turn to and end up going it

alone.

Drawing from a 13th-

century manuscript

of Pseudo-Apuleius's

Herbarium, depicting

a pregnant woman in

repose, while an-

other holds some pen-

nyroyal in one hand

and prepares a con-

cotion using a mor-

tar and pestle with

the other.

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That’s your personal experience which doesn’t

give you a right to take the choice that you were

free to make away from other women.

FUCK Y

OU!Epilogue

Over the next week I slowly started to feel more

and more like I was back to normal. Less weak, more

energy, etc. The only thing that didn’t return to

normal was my sex drive. I didn’t even want to

masturbate, I just didn’t feel sexual at all and

the idea of having something inside me was

unpleasant.

I went back in after two weeks for my followup exam

and found out that everything was fine, I wasn’t

pregnant anymore. That was a huge relief. Even

thought I figured the pregnancy had ended,

especially after everything I had gone through, I

still had that nagging in the back of my mind that it

didn’t work and that I would have to have a

surgical abortion after going through everything

with the medical abortion. So yeah, major relief

there.

After three weeks I finally fooled around with Rob a

bit and pushed past my discomfort and had an

orgasm. Immediately afterward I bawled my eyes out.

It was this huge release of tension and I’ve felt com-

pletely normal since then.

Overall it was an extremely unpleasant experience but

one that I’m so thankful to have the option for. I

also feel really lucky to have ready access to a

planned parenthood and to have the means to come up

with the $255 I had to have at the time of

at the time of the

visit.

I hope to never

have to go through

the experience

again, however,

if I did I’m not

sure which method

I would choose.

From what I read

the surgical

option isn’t much more pleasant than the medical.

Again, hopefully I’ll never have to make that

decision.

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But I do know this, I’ll never have children. I

don’t like kids, I don’t want to give up my

independence and basically my entire life, I don’t

want that responsibility and I don’t think I could

provide a child with a good life.

And if I didn’t have access to a safe & legal

abortion I would damn well find a way to get rid of

the little fucking parasite infecting my body.

Hear that anti-choice people? Outlawing abortion

won’t stop women from ending an unwanted

pregnancy.

Laws & Logic

This is an article I wrote a couple of years ago

defending my pro-choice stance to an anti-choice

crowd.

Abortion and the Laws

Governing Bodily

Autonomy

Defining the terms: I think it's important to

start by defining the terms I will be using in the

article. This helps to avoid confusion,

especially for many people who are confused as to

what term they should use if they wouldn't have an

abortion themselves but also don't feel they

should place their personal views on others.

Pro-Choice - You are against government

regulation of abortions regardless of whether you

would have one yourself or not. If you don't

think abortion should be illegal you are

pro-choice.

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Anti-Choice (aka Pro-Life) - If you are pro-

government regulation and believe that roe v/s

wade should be overturned you probably refer to

yourself as pro-life. However, I personally find

the term pro-life to be very loaded, meaning to

imply that anyone who is pro-choice is also anti-

life, which is usually the farthest thing from the

truth. I much prefer the term anti-choice and find

it much less loaded since it's a term used to denote

a person who literally wants to take away a woman's

right to choose.

The abortion issue is, at it's core, an issue about

rights. The fact is, there is no other issue like

abortion.

It's the only issue where when you start talking

about giving rights to one group (fetuses) you have

to take the rights away from another (women).

First I think

it's important

to look at other

laws in place

protecting

people's right

to bodily

autonomy. If a

child needs an organ transplant and one of the par-

ents is a perfect match who could give the child the

organ they need while still remaining perfectly

healthy, they still legally don't have to do it.

Legally they can choose to keep their own organs

and let the child die. Legally no person is forced

to sacrifice their bodily autonomy for the benefit

of another. Why should a woman be forced to

sacrifice her body and compromise her health to

carry a pregnancy while a man isn't forced to

sacrifice his body and compromise his health to

save the child's life after it's born?

A common reply to this argument is that parents

are legally required to care for a child after it's

born. Aside from the fact that providing care for

someone is completely different from sacrificing

your bodily autonomy, even in legal terms, this

still isn't a true statement. Parents are only

legally required to care for a child if they choose

to take on that responsibility. They can also

choose to give the child up, no one is forced by law

to care for a child.

However, even if they choose to keep it which means

legally they have taken on the responsibility of

caring for the child, they still aren't legally

required to give up a part of their body to insure

the life of that child.

I've often been asked about my position that anyone

who is anti-choice is also anti-woman's rights. I

see abortion as strictly a women's rights issue

mainly based on the point I just made above.

Anti-choice advocates want specific laws in place

which force a woman to give up her bodily autonomy

in order to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term.

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However, once that child is born the parents have

no legal obligation to sacrifice their bodily

autonomy to save that child's life. Why is autonomy

important after birth when both males and females

will be effected but not before birth when only

females are effected?

I find it very odd and somewhat suspicious that the

laws governing the rights of bodily autonomy for

both men and women after the child is born are

never challenged. If anti-choice advocates really

are fighting for the right of a child to live, why

do they ignore these laws which are also for the

good of the parents to the detriment of the child?

How are these laws any different from abortion

laws other than the fact that only women are

effected by abortion laws?

The bottom line is that it would be

unconstitutional to take away a woman's right to

something that men were still allowed to do.

And men don't want the government telling them

what to do with their bodies so the leaders of the

anti-choice movement conveniently omit the bodily

autonomy laws which effect both sexes.

Another question I've been asked in the past is if

I understand that those who oppose abortion do so

because they feel that the fetus is being harmed

and can feel pain. My answer is that I do under-

stand that. And while I haven't read anything

conclusive on the science behind fetal pain, I

honestly don't think it has a bearing on the

Abolition of a woman's right to abortion, when and

if she wants it, amounts to compulsory maternity:

a form of rape by the State. ~Edward Abbey

argument.

The fact is that no one has a right, nor should they

have the right, to force you to give them a part of

your body thus giving up your bodily autonomy.

Even if they need it to survive

Even if the denial of it will cause them pain

Even if they are your own child

Even if they are a newborn baby

Or all of the above

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