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REALITY-BASED LEADERSHIP Ego Bypass Toolkit

REALITY-BASED LEADERSHIP


EGO BYPASS TOOLKIT

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TABLE OF CONTENTS Much of what happens in typical meetings or venting sessions is based on projection and verbal processing, which is something the ego loves, and it tends to keep things ambiguous. The ambiguity allows every ego in the room to filter the message and create a story. Anger, frustration and blame need to be defused. Leaders can inspire breakthroughs by making thinking visible and concrete and can do this by capturing the conversations in a concrete way, by using writing and with asking great questions that inspire objectivity and self-reflection. It changes the energy by removing yourself from the discussion and become the facilitator. We have created ego-bypass tools that will help you make reality, and the ways people respond to it, more conscious and visible. Get it in writing. A few of these tools, grounded in Reality-Based Leadership, have been used to great effect by many you and thousands of other leaders. Effective leaders ask questions rather than providing answers. The questions are key. Great leaders don't tell people, they don't direct people, and they don’t order people. They facilitate great thinking through self-reflection. The ego fights to live through anger, being right and stories, so accountability is death to the ego. Here are your tools to enable great results:

• Great Coaching Questions • New Story Exercise • Feedback Frame • One-on-One Meeting Agenda • Placemat Exercise • SBAR: Situation / Background /

Assessment / Recommendations Model

• Developing Accountability • Fast Tracks Back

• Sources of Conflict on Teams – Goals, Roles & Procedures

• Engaged Action Planning • Negative Brainstorming Exercise • Thinking-Inside-The-Box Exercise • The Nine Steps to Strategy-Based

Decision-Making • Decision Matrix • Questions for Self-Reflection • Assignments for Self-Reflection

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GREAT COACHING QUESTIONS

• What did you do to help? • What do you know for sure? • What could you do next to add value? • What would great look like? • Are you using your opinion to move the idea forward or to stop the action? • What would add more value right now, your opinion or your action? • Would you rather be right or be happy?

ADDITIONAL REALITY-BASED LEADERSHIP QUESTIONS/PHRASES

• What should we be doing to help? • How committed are you? • Then what did you try? • What story are you telling yourself right now? • What are the facts? • How do you act when you believe that story? • What would you be doing to help if you didn’t have your story? • What is your goal? • What has your approach been? • How is that working for you? • What would you like to change in your approach? • What are you committing to?

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NEW STORY EXERCISE EDITING YOUR STORY Writing things down can help you tune into your thoughts. It’s especially useful when you are just beginning to use this method and listening to your thoughts is not yet automatic. Later on, continue to use it whenever you’re so enmeshed in a situation that it’s hard to step back and stop your mind from reeling. Whenever you are that stressed, take it as a sign that it’s time to take a break, and do this exercise:

1. Sit down and write what is happening.

This is not to share – it’s just for you. So, don’t worry about complete sentences or paragraph structure, grammar, or presentation. Just spew forth and write down exactly what you are thinking. Don’t edit yourself or judge what you’re writing. This could be a paragraph, or it could be ten pages – it’s whatever you need it to be; whatever you feel like getting out of your head and onto the page.

2. Get a highlighter, or just go through and underline every line that is stated as a fact.

3. Go through each of those “facts” and ask yourself: Do I know that for sure? (Is this really

a fact, or is it just part of the story I’m telling myself?).

Separate the facts from your story as rigorously as if you were the editor of a newspaper. Edit out any judgment, anything you can’t absolutely know to be true, anything that you couldn’t prove with a source, any assumptions, any assignment of motive, and any premature conclusions.

4. On a separate page, write down the facts that have survived your rigorous questioning.

You will be left with the things you absolutely know to be true. This is your reality. Everything else is your story. Discard, shred, burn, or otherwise drop your story. Focus on the facts – your reality. Ask yourself: What is the very next thing I could do to add value? Take that answer as your Simple Instructions. Follow through with action.

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FEEDBACK FRAME HELPING OTHERS EDIT THEIR STORY You can use this exercise on the fly, with drive-bys, and in your one-on-one coaching sessions. Keep white paper and markers handy for this. If you find yourself in a drive-by situation, listen to the upsetting situation people are laying out to you, and focus intently on the facts. As you hear one, write it down. At the conclusion of the “story” you have just heard, invite your coachee to take a look at the paper and read through just the facts. Then ask: “Is this pretty much the summary of what we know for sure?” This technique, when conducted with empathy, can take the charge out of a challenging situation, get the coachee back to neutral, and help him or her to identify what he or she could do next to add value in that.

• Steps 1 and 2 will help you to structure your feedback and be very specific when speaking to your employee.

• Step 3 allows for a constructive response on the part of the employee. • Step 4 is your opportunity to discuss possibilities and next steps together

Continued on the next page.

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STEP 1 • What is the employee doing that is

working? • What does s/he do that is inspiring to me,

as a leader, or to the group? • Acknowledge the employee’s character

traits, effort, passion… • See through behavior to need or intent. • Affirm the person’s strengths.

STEP 2 • What is the employee doing that is not

working yet? • What are the areas in which the

employee is capable, but not yet consistent?

• What hasn’t the employee developed or fine-tuned?

• What is untested or “too soon to test?” • What does he or she need to work on or

develop next?

STEP 3 Your purpose is to make sure your feedback was clear to the employee and to understand his/her thinking, level of accountability, and stories. Invite the employee to respond with a question or statement appropriate to your feedback. Here are some possibilities: • “Help me understand your perspective.” • “What is keeping you from fulfilling your

commitment?” • “How are you contributing to this

situation?”

STEP 4 Discuss what is possible and let the employee know what support you can offer. Elicit his/her plans for development. • Can you both agree on what fluency in this

skill would look like? • What are the benefits to the employee of

developing in this area? • What does the employee’s development

road map look like?

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ONE-ON-ONE MEETING AGENDA

If you have a small team, it is ideal to plan a quick one-on-one with each of your people once a week. The benefit is that you keep abreast of any issues as they arise, so they don’t metastasize, and that your people always know when their next scheduled one-on-one is, so they can save up any noncritical questions for the meeting. Here’s an example of what an agenda for such a meeting might look like: NAME: WEEK ENDING: What has been the most challenging part of your week? What has been the most rewarding part of your week? Goals or planned actions for the week: Progress on the goals or planned actions: 1. 1. 2. 2. 3. 3. Issues to review: Resources needed: Questions: Next week’s goals or planned actions: 1. ________________________ 2. ________________________ 3. ________________________ Additional discussion points:

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PLACEMAT EXERCISE

EMPLOYEE NAME:

WEEK NUMBER:

Under each week, place a green / yellow / red sticker noting progress for that line item.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

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PROJECTS

RESPONSIBILITIES

DEVELOPMENT GOALS

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SBAR – SITUATION / BACKGROUND / ASSESSMENT / RECOMMENDATIONS MODEL WHO NEEDS TO USE THE SBAR MODEL? The SBAR is a great way to structure interactions and can be used in a variety of settings.

• By anyone who needs to process through the story quickly and get to the core of the issue.

• By any leader who wants to make good use of the infamous “You got a minute?” • By any leader who wants to make sure that an employee has already processed through

the story. It can be used as a guide for the employee’s thought processes, and to bring you up to speed and solicit your help, decisions, and approval in an efficient way.

WHAT IS THE SBAR MODEL? This Situation-Background-Assessment-Recommendations Model…

• Helps to guide the thinking of the employee by eliminating emotional waste in the system.

• Standardizes the thinking process. • Makes things concrete and developmental needs obvious. • Can be applied to real-world situations in the moment. • Provides unique insight to others’ thinking. • Most importantly, makes the best use of the time you, as a leader, have, and ensures

that the work is being done at the appropriate level – it gets you back to leading instead of over-managing.

WHY SHOULD YOU USE THE SBAR MODEL WITH YOUR TEAM? Focus and energy are what we know for sure, to the next best thing to do to add value, and to create ideas to enable success. When employees bring their SBAR worksheets to you, they will have already processed through their work – moved out of the drama and really edited down their stories, using critical thinking to present the situation from a neutral place. It provides insight for the leader and gives a great window into how employees think, where they need development, and how fluent they are in reality-based thinking – it keeps them fact-based and shows them where they need further information from their leader. Employees can review multiple SBARs with you in a very short timeframe. Through the leader’s review of the SBAR and coaching on each item, employees develop and can come to think in ways that are more aligned with the leader and organize in ways that are proven to create great business results.

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Over time, employees can collect a series of SBARs and extract key themes to live by based upon their experience of consistent direction from leadership. These SBARs can actually create a knowledge base for the individual employee, as well as great case studies to onboard and develop employees, and ultimately they will expedite consistent decision-making throughout the organization. Using the SBAR model will conserve energy and put attention on solving issues rather than on living in the drama. This tool is the key technique in diffusing drama and driving results. It depersonalizes all issues and moves us into a professional space where we can offer our best ideas. Eventually this way of processing information and presenting it in an efficient way will become intuitive for all on the team. IN-DEPTH SBAR FOR THE LEADER The SBAR is broken down into four succinct points and should be able to fit on a single slide or piece of paper. Each section should only be a few sentences max. SITUATION This section includes a concise statement of the current situation– the facts, no drama, and minus all of the symptoms. A straightforward statement that captures what we know for sure about the current state of affairs. As a leader, when you are looking over this section…

• Is this representation of the situation fact-based? Clean? Accountable? Straightforward? • Is this representation accurate? The bottom line? A simple statement of current reality?

BACKGROUND This section includes a concise statement of the relevant background data points that need to be taken into account as we decide how to move forward. As a leader, when you are looking over this section…

• Are there vital pieces of information and history left out? • Any items that the employee may not be aware of or may be minimizing?

Seek to enhance the understanding of the employee and the many factors influencing the situation.

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ASSESSMENT This section outlines the author’s analysis of the current situation. If the “S” is the “WHAT,” then the “A” is the “SO WHAT.” What difference does it make? Why should we be concerned? What is the root cause? What aren’t we tending to? What are the main concerns and major risks? What sense should I make of this? This section is about good diagnostics and good interpretation of the situation. As a leader, when you are looking over this section, you have a great opportunity to see the level of critical-thinking skills an employee currently has, and to gain insight into his or her strengths and weaknesses in problem-solving. Use questions to drive critical thinking. Also, be aware of the tone of the analysis:

• Is it based upon accountability, or is it coming from a place of “victim” thinking or Learned Helplessness?

• Does it get at the root cause? If you see development needs here, teach by thinking out loud, asking great questions and teaching problem-solving techniques. RECOMMENDATIONS This section contains the author’s recommended action and next steps. These recommendations need to be focused on improving or solving the situation with attention to the unique circumstances in the background. It should be driven by the assessment. As a leader, when you are looking over this section, look for the merit of the recommendations.

• Do they actually address the situation? • Are they feasible? • Do they match company philosophy and policy? • Do they balance organizational and customer needs? • Are they sustainable? • Are they creative? • Do they initiate a transactional effort, or could they be transformational? • What might they jumpstart on a process improvement?

Help the employee see creative and multiple options.

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SBAR WORKSHEET YOUR NAME: DATE: PROPOSED PROJECT TITLE / ISSUE TITLE: Note: When making a recommendation, close the loop and make sure both parties agree on the next steps.

S ITUATION What is happening now? Briefly describe the current situation. Give a clear, succinct overview of the main problem.

BACKGROUND What relevant factors led up to this event? Briefly state the pertinent history. What got us to this point? Is this an issue that happens frequently?

ASSESSMENT What do you think is going on? What improvements would we see if we made a change? (Examples: improved efficiency, improved employee morale, increased customer/client satisfaction, better communication among staff.)

RECOMMENDATIONS What action do you propose? What actions are you asking for? How can you help make this change a reality? What is the simplest, fastest, yet most thorough way to make this happen?

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DEVELOPING ACCOUNTABILITY PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY – FOUR FACTORS COMMITMENT The willingness to do whatever it takes to get the results you desire. When you are committed, you buy in readily to what is asked of you. What you say and do reflects your true feelings. You have integrity and you are authentic in your interactions with others. There is no sarcastic or resentful inner voice keeping up a running monologue in your head. RESILIENCE The ability to stay the course in the face of obstacles and setbacks. When you are resilient, you feel calm, purposeful, and confident in your ability to pro- duce results regardless of your circumstances. Throwing up your hands and quitting, or resorting to excuses, is not an option you consider. If you say you have “tried” to do something, you did not try only one thing. You tried a dozen or more; you persisted, problem-solving and asking for help. OWNERSHIP Unwavering acceptance of the consequences of your actions (whether individual or collective), with zero blame or argument. When you are feeling true ownership, you are able to give the gift of your work un- conditionally. You don’t look to others to validate your efforts or to absolve you when things go wrong. Your results – good or bad – come because of you, not in spite of you. CONTINUOUS LEARNING Seeing both success and failure as fuel for future success. Developing this ability takes perspective and maturity, but it is its own reward. When you learn not only from your successes, but also from your failures, failure goes from being something you are afraid of, something that you must avoid, to being something you can own and use to get better results in the future. No one ever has succeeded without some failures along the way, and holding back your effort out of fear of failure guarantees you nothing but a lifetime of caution and restraint.

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DEVELOPING ACCOUNTABILITY THROUGH COACHING Personal Accountability is a tall order. It’s something we all have to work on all the time. Building a culture of accountability within your organization is a key element to its success. Each individual plays a vital role in this. All high performing organizations are moving toward more empowerment, enlightenment, and organizational accountability, one person at a time. When faced with conflict many employees begin to ask questions that waste resources and lead teams into further conflict. With a single question, one employee can cost the company thousands of dollars, even when that employee may not have signature authority to spend even $10 on behalf of the company. A single stupid question can commission resources in the form of meetings, research, analysis, and discussions that are a total waste of time, talent, and focus. Key resources are wasted seeking an answer that doesn’t exist, doesn’t matter, or reinforces the erroneous belief that others are the source of our problems. BETTER LINE OF QUESTIONING Many of us were taught that there are no stupid questions. Quite the contrary, many questions aren’t productive and use vital time and resources without any return on investment. These same leaders lament that their people focus on the wrong things, that there is too much conflict and drama in their workplaces, and that they are not getting the results required. They don’t even realize that the source of their pain is their own encouragement of questions of any type. They go on to complain that they are pulled away from their main roles of developing people and driving the team for results by constant interruptions, usually from employees asking questions such as:

• Why do things keep changing? • Why doesn’t anyone tell me anything? • Who thought of this? • When will they finally get it?

These are truly stupid questions, and this is why:

• There is no answer to these questions – really. • Even if you could speculate an answer, the answer would add no value to the situation. • They all imply blame. • They fly in the face of personal accountability as a concept, let alone a core

expectation.

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• They are focused on other people, who, last I checked, are outside of the control of the employee.

To spend a single second of thought or action on such questions is a complete waste of resources, period. How to know a stupid question when you hear it? A question that begins with “Why,” “Who,” or “When” is pretty suspect, especially if it concerns human behaviors. The words “Why,” “Who,” or “When” are only valuable when at the start of questions that seek information on a process or logistical detail of a plan. Human behavior is simply not rational, although it can be very predictable. When you hear yourself or someone else asking one of these stupid questions, for the love of resources, move quickly to help steer efforts into asking smarter questions that have actual answers and that, if answered, will lead to actions that truly deliver results. Help to re-write stupid questions:

• Change every “Why,” “Who,” or “When” to either a “How” or “What.” • Follow with the words “can I.” • End the smarter question with some action word, such as “do” or “help.”

To create great results, we must all work to ask better questions. A great technique to use is to rewrite a question that begins with “Who,” “When,” or “Why,” and also includes a “they,” using the following guidelines:

• Start the question with “What” or “How.” • Follow with a “Do I…” or “Can I…” Complete the question with an action. So, our questions become: • What do I need to do to get so great at responding to change that it doesn’t even faze

me? • What do I need to do to get the information I need? • What can I do to get the decision-makers the information they need before their

decisions? • What can I do to help others understand?

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THE ACCOUNTING FOR . . . EXERCISE It is important to make a practice of using day-to-day results produced by the team for continuous learning. If the team had great results, ask each employee to account for the decisions, choices, approaches, and behaviors that led to success, so that each can intentionally duplicate them in the future. If the team’s results were lackluster, ask each employee to identify ways in which he or she personally contributed. Responses must begin with strong “I” statements that reflect accountability, such as “I chose,” “I denied,” “I assumed,” “I did,” “I didn’t,” and “I acted.” (Use the series of questions in the following list.) Once each individual identifies his or her specific contributions, positive and negative, he or she can commit to what he or she will do differently next time, facilitating individual development and better future results. Questions to ask when accounting for results:

• What were your results? • Did you succeed or not? (Watch out for the individual or team lowering the standard,

wanting to believe that they “did pretty well considering the circumstances,” as if they should get extra points for challenges.)

• What happened? (Listen for their stories; are they closely accounting for the facts and their behavior?)

• How do you account for your results? (Listen for “I,” not “we,” or “they,” or “you.”) • What did you believe? • How did that belief affect your behavior, attitude, creativity, and choices? • What were the facts? What did you know, or what do we know for sure? • How committed were you? How bought-in were you? • What could you change to ensure your success in the future? (Listen to make sure

changes are in the first person, and not about having more resources, changing others, or changing their reality and circumstances.)

• What are you committing to in the future? (Have the employee write it down – that is his or her new development plan – and then hold him or her to it.)

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FAST TRACKS BACK TAKE THE FAST TRACK BACK …TO ACCOUNTABILITY

• Are you feeling unhappy, disengaged, stressed, or frustrated? • Listen in on the questions you are asking, if only under your breath: • Why doesn’t anyone tell me anything? • Why do things keep changing? • Why do I always have to make the coffee?

Questions that start with “Why” or “Who” are “victim” questions, because they keep you focused on other people and arise from a worldview in which you have no power. To quickly turn from victimhood to accountability and take a fast track to happiness, rewrite your questions. Replace the “Why” with “What” or “How,” and focus on an action you can take, so your questions become:

• What could I do to get the information I need? • What can I do to support the change? • How could I best serve myself and others?

The answers to these more accountable questions are your simple instructions – your marching orders. If you follow them, you will restore your happiness in just moments. TAKE THE FAST TRACK BACK … FROM STRESS TO PEACE

• Are you feeling stressed and anxious? • Let go of your “should.” • Stop judging and start helping. • Let go of the need to be right if you could be happy instead. • Ask yourself, “What do I know for sure?” • Edit your story down to the facts. • Figure out your simple instructions. What you can do next that will add the most value?

Then go do that. Without drama weighing you down, you will be free to make accountable choices, free of your stories and excuses, free of your and other people’s drama. When you work from a place of neutrality, your instructions are simple, and you have plenty of energy to carry them out and plan a great future.

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TAKE THE FAST TRACK BACK … FROM OPINION TO ACTION

• Are you tempted to editorialize or offer your opinion? • Ask, “Am I using my opinions for good (to move the action forward) or evil (to stop it in

its tracks)?” If your motive is to stop the course of action or question a decision, change your focus from why it won’t work to how you can help make it work. Get willing, buy in, and use your expertise to mitigate the risks you see. Make a list of the outcomes you fear and the ways you can prevent them. Then think of three things you can do, right now, to move the action forward. Do them whole- heartedly, and be proud of your contribution. TAKE THE FAST TRACK BACK … FROM RESISTACE TO VISION

• Are you resisting change? • Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of? What am I protecting or defending?” • Be ready for what’s next – work on skills and development before you need to. • Reframe your situation as an opportunity.

Don’t let fear of failure stop you from trying. Let go of the emotion and look at the risk analytically. Everyone makes mistakes – own yours, then move on quickly and confidently, applying what you learned. Believe that whatever is happening is happening for your highest good. TAKE THE FAST TRACK BACK … AND SUCCEED ANYWAY

• Are you feeling stuck? • Look for ways in which you are co-creating your problem. • Change your beliefs about what you need in order to be successful. • Confront conflicts early, calmly, and in a spirit of teamwork. • Ask, “How can I help?” • Get clear on goals, roles, and procedures. • Think in terms of “and,” not “or.” • You go first – give that which is missing in any situation.

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SOURCES OF CONFLICT ON TEAMS – GOALS, ROLES & PROCEDURES Conflict usually stems from disagreements about goals, roles, and procedures. The most frequent reasons for disagreement are ambiguity (people haven’t talked about it in the first place), misunderstanding (people unknowingly have different impressions of the decisions they made), or professional differences of opinion. The issue is not whether the problem- solving team has conflict(s). Rather, success depends on how well the team manages conflicts when they surface. GOALS What are we going to accomplish? By when? ROLES Who is going to do what on our team? What is expected of me, and what can I depend on others to do? What is my role in decision-making? There are three roles we can play in the making of any particular decision:

• D – Decision-Maker: This person has the authority and the responsibility to make the decision.

• C – Consultant: This person is consulted by the decision-maker before the decision is made. Consultants provide input on decisions. They offer opinions and make recommendations. They do not share the “D.” This is not a voting role. The decision-maker retains the “D” and is not bound by the consultant’s recommendation.

• I – Informed: This person must be told of a decision after the decision is made, especially when the decision affects the team member’s role.

PROCEDURES How will we work together? Procedures include such mechanics of teamwork as paper flow, reporting procedures, coordination of shared tasks, how to distribute information, and any other items needed to ensure the coordination of a group’s efforts. Procedures also involve the technical choices we make about how to get work done.

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ENGAGED ACTION PLANNING BRINGING ACCOUNTABILITY INTO YOUR ENGAGEMENT ACTION-PLANNING Employee engagement action-planning with your team is an excellent opportunity to introduce greater accountability. In fact, engagement action-planning that focuses only on what the organization and the manager need to do to improve the working environment or “circumstances” of the employees leads to a culture of entitlement over time. To lead your teams to high levels of engagement and accountability and to great results, add an element of accountability into your action-planning efforts. Here’s how:

1. Share the results of the engagement survey with your team.

2. Have three large flip-chart pages taped up in front of the group.

3. Ask the team members what specifically they would like to improve in their work environment and write the ideas down on the first sheet of paper.

4. Ask the team members what they are willing to do to improve the workplace in these

areas and record these comments on the second sheet of paper. Make sure this list is specific and focused on what the employee or team can do to impact its own circumstances. This is where accountability is cultivated and employees begin to take responsibility for their own engagement.

5. Lastly, ask the group members what support they need from you, as their manager, or

from the organization. List things on the third sheet.

Check to see if the tasks and ideas listed on the second and third sheets are robust enough to create the type of workplace outlined on the first sheet. If not, spend more time working on those lists, particularly the second one focused on how employees can affect their own circumstances.

6. Create action plans for the ideas employees are willing to invest in to affect their own

circumstances. Add in timelines and responsibilities, and communicate back to the group both the initial work and the progress made.

7. Host regular check-in meetings.

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HIRING FOR ACCOUNTABILITY The core competencies of accountability are critical to ditching the drama that plagues our organizations and to achieving positive business results. The average person spends two hours a day engrossed in drama. Organizations can avoid this epidemic by first hiring for accountability. Organizations can improve efficiency, uncover the untapped resource of human potential, and turn excuses into results by incorporating personal accountability into the typical behavioral interviewing process. KEY POINTS: A candidate who has high Personal Accountability…

• Has the mindset that results happen because of one’s actions, not in spite of them; that they choose their own destiny.

• Is committed to doing whatever it takes. • Demonstrates perseverance in the face of obstacles. • Is a great problem-solver. • Has the ability to stay the course in the face of setbacks. • Exhibits ownership of one’s results. • Shows unwavering acceptance of the consequences of one’s actions. • Does not blame others. • Learns from his/her results. • Is able to identify and account for one’s own part in outcomes and is able to turn

learning into development plans, new competencies, and future results. Look for candidates demonstrating these HELPFUL characteristics: WILLINGNESS/COMMITTMENT: Ask people to tell you about a time when they were asked to do something outside of their job description. Let them tell the story, and then ask them how they responded or how they made sense of the request. Then listen for the best answers, which sound like “I get asked to do things outside my job description all the time. I am here to do what is needed in the moment.” RESILIENCE: Ask candidates about a time when they were given a task that seemed impossible. Listen for how they approach barriers. A follow-up question may be, “In hindsight, do you think you could have done anything differently?” OWNERSHIP: Ask them about a failure and about their part in it. Listen for the use of “I.” And listen to see if they learn to adjust their behaviors based on what they have learned.

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CONTINUOUS LEARNING: Use these questions to determine whether or not a candidate is focused on learning – especially in the case of failure.

• What did you learn? • Have you applied your learnings in different situations since then? If so, how?

KEY POINTS: Decline candidates demonstrating these HINDRANCES:

• Attempt one approach and then quit. • Expect others to make situations easier. • Are resentful. • Need validation from others to do their best.

HELPFUL INTERVIEW QUESTIONS TO ASSESS PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY:

• Describe a time when you worked with a boss who didn’t support you. • Tell me about a time when you were coached on subpar performance. • Tell me about a time when a peer or a direct report did not pull his/her weight on your

team. • Describe a time when you presented two different opinions of one situation because of

the audience. • Describe a time when you accepted blame for a failure.

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NEGATIVE BRAINSTORMING EXERCISE One of the most useful tools for transitioning a team from resistance to success in spite of circumstances is called “negative brainstorming.” You’ll need a whiteboard or a big flip-chart to get started. Here’s how it works:

1. First, the rules: Each individual can introduce his or her concerns, one at a time, in front of the group, while you write them down (leaving ample space in between for the next step in the exercise). The other members of the group must refrain from discussion, critique, or disagreement, and wait their turns. Continue until the group has exhausted its concerns and all concerns have been documented.

2. Title the list of concerns “Risks.” Point out that all concerns are simply risks, and that the true power of the team lies in its ability to mitigate risks. This idea is at the heart of the exercise, and it’s the reason it works.

3. Taking it risk by risk, ask the team to honestly evaluate the probability of each risk manifesting itself. Assign each a probability of “high,” “medium,” or “low.” Next, evaluate the potential impact of each risk and again label it “high,” “medium,” or “low.”

4. Now comes the negative brainstorming. Redirect all the energy that the team was putting into resistance or dissent and harness it to create strategies to mitigate each risk that is of “medium” to “high” probability or impact.

Teams that can move from using expertise to resist and editorialize to using those same talents and expertise to “make it work” are the teams that successfully position themselves as valuable assets and credible witnesses. That’s why it can be positive to get negative with your team – but only in the service of moving things forward, creating great results, and succeeding in spite of challenging circumstances. When you trust people with this kind of exercise, you show your faith not only in their talents, but also in their good intentions. Negative brainstorming provides Reality-Based leaders with a constructive way to get concerns out on the table and gives dissent a place within a healthy team dynamic. It’s an especially great tool to keep leading constructively even when your company has done something you, the leader, do not like. It’s tempting to stop leading under those circumstances, but instead – once again – your responsibility is to redirect everyone’s focus. (You go first!) In the end, it’s all about the overarching vision of what you have joined together to create, because risks are here to stay. Your perspective is what matters.

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THINKING INSIDE-THE-BOX EXERCISE Most of the solutions we are called upon to provide on a daily basis involve finding a way forward given competing priorities or limited resources. After having been encouraged to “think outside the box” for many years, you may have come to overuse this competency or use it at inappropriate times. The time for thinking outside the box is during strategic-planning efforts or business-process reengineering efforts. Consistently ignoring your organization’s constraints and providing “out of the box” thinking in problem-solving efforts is a big mistake. You will come to be seen as “pie in the sky” or out-of-touch with reality. Instead of thinking about all the things that shouldn’t be happening or thinking of the ideal situation for you, recognize and accept your company’s goals and constraints (such as frozen headcount or limited funding) and think inside that box. The constraints are real – wishing them away won’t help – but you can propose solutions that address them while also serving your goals. Again, think in terms of “and,” not “or.” By doing this, you will be offering real solutions that respect the very real constraints you currently face. POWER OF “AND” EXERCISE When you can see that employees are wishing away their current reality and need to be able to imagine ways they could achieve their goals given their constraints, try this step-by-step exercise with them, moving them from a sense of lack and impossibility, to focusing on solutions.

• Identify the goal or goals. • Identify the constraints or competing needs. • Box it out. • Replace “or” with “and.” • Problem-solve.

Think of decisions as investments. You put time and energy into them – and sometimes money, too. The more you invest in making a decision, the more likely it is that you will make the best-possible decision. But sometimes the difference between the best-possible decision and the worst-possible decision is not very great, or the stakes in the decision are not very high. In such a case, you certainly do not want to invest much in the choice.

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THE NINE STEPS TO STRATEGY-BASED DECISION-MAKING The nine steps to effective decision-making are designed to help you make good decisions no matter what your time investment may be. They are practical guidelines to help you navigate the three phases of any decision-making problem: identifying goals; identifying options; and choosing from among your options. STEP 1. IDENTIFY YOUR GOAL / OBJECTIVE All decisions are goal-oriented. Whenever you make a decision, there is something specific that you wish to achieve. But while knowing your objective is absolutely necessary, for all- but-the simplest decisions, it is not enough. Your decisions generally affect more than one thing you care about. The more important your decision, the more care you need to take in identifying the stakes as well. The stakes, however, may depend upon the options before you. Toward the beginning of your decision-making process, then – before you actually consider the costs and benefits of your options – you need to identify your main alternatives and consider what things you value and what factors your alternatives might affect. STEP 2. DO A PRELIMINARY SURVEY OF YOUR OPTIONS Determine whether there are any other kinds of options available to you, because they may have implications for things you care about. There may be advantages and disadvantages to these various options worth thinking about in detail later, but in your preliminary survey, you simply want to identify your options. STEP 3. IDENTIFY THE IMPLICATED VALUES In easy or unimportant decisions, you normally do not need to ask yourself why you have any particular objective. However, when decisions are more important, or when there is more at stake, some additional questions need to be answered. You are now in a position to identify the values implicated in your decision. You know your objective; you have a broad sense of your options; and you can identify the various things you care about that your decisions will affect. STEP 4. ASSESS THE IMPORTANCE OF THE DECISION You need to assess the importance of a decision in order to determine how much to invest in it. You judge the importance of a decision by examining the implicated values. To assess the importance of a decision, you may have to put it into context. While you can usually know that a decision is important, it is sometimes difficult to know that a decision is not important. You should also be aware that there is no necessary correlation between the importance of a decision and its difficulty. Generally speaking, you should take

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more care making more important decisions, but you should be able to make easy decisions quickly, no matter how important they may be. STEP 5. BUDGET YOUR TIME & ENERGY Once you have identified your main alternatives and the implicated values, you should decide how much time and energy (and, if necessary, how much money) to spend making the decision. Budget more time and energy for more important decisions; strictly limit your investment for unimportant ones. Also, when you budget your time and energy for a decision, take into account situational constraints. STEP 6. CHOOSE A DECISION-MAKING STRATEGY The time and energy you can devote to making a decision will affect the strategy you choose. A strategy is a plan of action, a scheme for getting where you want to go, or getting what you want to get. While we are not always conscious of it, we always use some strategy when we make a decision. It is generally better to choose a strategy consciously, and to tailor the strategy to the choice that you have to make. The strategy you choose will have an impact on the outcome of your choice. In a sense, your choice of strategy is part of the decision you make, even before you make it. STEP 7. IDENTIFY YOUR OPTIONS At this point, you are ready to start considering your alternatives. You already have a rough sense of at least the kinds of choices available to you. You had to consider those when you assessed the importance of the decision you are about to make. As you now begin to examine your options in more detail, you may discover new options with different implicated values. You may also discover that the values implicated by the broad options you identified way back at step 2 are more (or less) weighty than you thought. It is nice when your options present themselves to you. In more interesting decisions – though not necessarily more important ones – we have to roll up our sleeves and do some digging to determine our options. In really interesting decisions, our options may change even as we deliberate. Effective decision-makers do not merely identify available options, they create options. And lastly, there may be options that you should consider, but that, for one reason or another, you are unlikely to identify yourself. To assist in identifying all available options, enlisting the skills of external resources such as area experts or consultants may be necessary.

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STEP 8. EVALUATE YOUR OPTIONS When you choose a decision-making strategy, you also choose a way of evaluating your options. Now is the time to do that. The simplest evaluations require you merely to judge an option on one dimension (for example, price). Some strategies require you to evaluate options on more than one dimension. Some strategies require you only to evaluate as many options as it takes to find an acceptable choice; some require you to wait until you have evaluated all of your options. A few strategies let you off the hook on evaluating options at all. The best example of this is a random toss of coin. Interesting decisions can involve fairly elaborate evaluation techniques. A great tool is a decision matrix, and we’ve included one in this toolkit for you. STEP 9. MAKE YOUR CHOICE – ON TIME, ON BUDGET! As soon as you have finished all of the evaluation your strategy requires – and only as much as your strategy requires – you make your choice. Some people have difficulty making a choice, even when they have all the information they need. Often this is because they fear the consequences of choosing badly.

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DECISION MATRIX

There is timeless wisdom in the comment: “Relax, no matter which you choose, you will regret it.” It is almost always possible to regret our choices, because we do not have to live with the consequences of the alternatives we pass by. We can easily convince ourselves that we would have been better off if we had chosen differently. In most cases, though, there is no good reason to believe that. Post-decision, the best use of expertise and resources is to focus on mitigating risks and ensuring that the decision lead to the desired results. If you design your decision-making process well, you run the lowest-possible risk of choosing badly, and any additional time and energy you spend fretting about your decision will simply add to its cost. There is no point in making decisions more expensive than they are worth. If you rigidly stick to your schedule and your budget, you will find that you will eventually tame the demon of regret. Rest assured, though, that you will still make lousy choices once in a while. This is inevitable, no matter what you do. SELECT EVALUATION CRITERIA Evaluation criteria are those factors the team uses to measure the relative effectiveness and efficiency of one possible solution relative to the other possible solutions. The criteria should look not only at what might create success, but also at what might cause failure. To help a group navigate the variables of decision-making without becoming hopelessly stalled in “analysis paralysis,” three things must occur:

1. Identify criteria relevant to the problem. One way to identify possible criteria is through brainstorming. From there, the group should determine which criteria are most appropriate for selecting a solution.

2. Weigh the criteria according to how each might affect the outcome. The team assigns percentage weight-values for each criterion. Weighted values reflect the relative advantages or disadvantages of each criterion for each possible solution. The percentages should add up to 100%.

3. Score and tabulate the criteria scores and choose the best solution. It is important to agree whether a higher or lower score will represent the best solution. Confusion can result if this is not done. A matrix like the one shown here should be used to help simplify the rating process. The matrix also provides a graphic picture of the thinking of the team with respect to potential solutions, and the factors they considered in reaching a decision.

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SELECT EVALUATION CRITERIA WEIGHT SCALE – MUST EQUAL 100%

RATING SCALE – 1 TO 10 ALTERNATIVE SOLUTIONS (OPTIONS)

CRITERIA WEIGHT OPTION A OPTION B OPTION C OPTION D OPTION E

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TOOLS FOR THE NEW LEADERSHIP ROLE If the leader’s role is to facilitate the introspection and reflection that help others bypass ego to fertilize growth and development, how do they begin? It’s not as complex or difficult as you might think. Self-reflection is a powerful way to get employees asking the true experts in their lives for insight or advice - themselves. The expert part of oneself lies beyond ego, and can be found in quiet reflection aimed at discerning the truth. An individual who is willing to examine the truth is fostering the ability to work and succeed regardless of what the circumstances are. It is far more effective at getting great results and helping people be ready for what’s next than being directive or constantly solving people’s problems for them. A great time for giving self-reflection assignments is right after delivering feedback. It gives the mind a place to start and the ego a place to rest. Quick feedback can be followed by saying something like, “But don’t take my word for it. Check this out for yourself.” This gets the leader out of judgment mode and invites growth in the area in which the employee is feeling stressed. Stress is usually a signal for a growth opportunity. Be sure to give the employee time to do some meaningful self-inquiry, then later, return to the conversation to see what kind of insights were gained. How did the reflection help them account for their role in results? What will help them have a different response in the future? What shifts in their thinking do you detect? The conversations will help you see where the development needs and growth opportunities are. Here are some of the questions I recommend using, followed by suggestions for more formal assignments. QUESTIONS FOR SELF REFLECTION

• What are you trying to create? • What do you want? What are you willing to do to get that? • What do you fear that is getting in the way of action? How can you move

beyond that fear or concern? • What are some of the most challenging parts of your role? What do you

wish you were more skilled or more fluent in handling? • What part of our reality are you struggling with? • What would happen if you just choose to agree and help? • What your part in that outcome? • What did you do that hindered? What helped?

What do you know for sure? • What could you do to add value?

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• If you didn’t have the story you’re telling yourself right now, who would you be?

• What is your goal? • How is that working for you? • What has your current approach been? What would you like to change in

that approach? • How is the feedback I gave you true? • What are your “broken record” messages? • If we assume the universe is kind, how might this situation might be

benefitting you or for your highest good? • What would make this successful, and what will you do to ensure that? • If there were other explanations for someone’s behavior, what might they

be? • What is missing from this situation? What could you do to add it? • What if two things are true? Where is the “and” here?

ASSIGNMENTS FOR SELF REFLECTION I also recommend assignments for self-reflection as a sort of crowd-sourcing technique for getting more input and feedback from resources other than the leader. It’s one more way of saying, “Don’t take my word for it.” It disperses the responsibility for growth both to the employee and those around him or her. It also will give them additional high-quality data from people with different perspectives. The assignments set the table for rich conversations and minimize the possibility of conflict. Meditation and journaling can be great supports in this area. To get you started, here are some the assignments we’ve used in Reality-Based Leadership to great effect.

• Who do you know who is generally successful under these kinds of circumstances? Connect with them, ask for their three best tips on how to be successful and let’s talk about what you learn.

• Get a clearer picture of how others experience you in meetings by using your phone or table to record your interactions. Watch the film and identify ways you use your body language, approach or speech to diminish open dialogue.

• In one clear sentence, write down what you hope to accomplish or create in these circumstances? Talk to 20 people and ask them for a next step or their best tip on how to proceed? Work from that list and report back with

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your experience next week. • Think about three ways this feedback could be true. Come back and share

three examples of how it affected your work. • Identify three ways that you sabotaged the work efforts. How did it serve

you? • What are you believing? How is that influencing your choices and actions? • Choose three people who excel in this area and interview them. Report

back with what you discover. • Write down a reality we’re currently experiencing or a decision that has just

been made. Write on a sheet of paper, “and this means that…” then make a list of what it means. Take a look at your list and ask, “Do you know this to be true? Can you impact this in a positive way? How might you be wrong? How does this kind of thinking keep you stuck?

• Listen to the ego narrator in your head. Capture a day’s worth of thoughts on paper. What do you notice? What themes do you see? Examine thoughts that express certainty about the future or are rooted in the past. When we reconnect, we’ll talk about what sense you make of them.

• Read [a book or article] or watch [a video, Ted talk, etc.] Identify two things that resonate with you. Afterward, let’s talk about why you found those things important.

The point, and the value, in these questions and exercises is to help the employees see what kinds of choices they’re making and how different choices might lead to better outcomes. It helps them understand that their choices won’t affect reality, but their actions can certainly can influence results.

The philosophy is self-study, asking yourself about you, getting quiet and thinking about the answers, finding clarity about what is true and where the narrator in your head is leading you astray. Insights bubble up in these conversations, and leaders are just the facilitators of the self-learning. It’s a great way to help people grow in personal accountability.

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