ray's e-book

How to Win in Challenging Times with

G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism,

Willpower):

A Framework for Well-being©

Ray Samuels

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Foreward

Grace. Generosity. Gratitude. These are words that describe my

friend, Ray Samuels. I believe it is rare to meet a person during our lifetime

that has a significant and lasting impact, and makes us want to be better

people. I can say that Ray has been this person for me. Most people will

encounter at least one challenging life event however there are others, like

Ray who unfortunately have had to handle a multiple of ongoing challenges.

Despite adversity, Ray persevered even in the darkest of times. He did not

show anger or complain but demonstrated optimism and resilience. He

reached out to others unselfishly. He was able to see the positive aspects of

his life and express his gratitude.

When my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I realized that I

needed to find a way out of that darkness. I knew that I had persevered

during other difficulties, and the knowledge that I had strengths such as

resilience and optimism, and could develop them further, was the key to

helping me turn my own darkness into light. Ray’s message is that there

can be growth after adversity. I do believe this to be true.

Ray is a remarkable person. I hope you will be inspired by Ray’s story

of adversity and personal growth. I also hope that Ray’s message can

How to GROW in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Well-being© Ray Samuels (2015)

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impact your life in a positive way, and you can do the same for someone else

in need.

With the deepest love and respect. Patrice Palmer

Introduction

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” Joshua J. Marine

I would like to invite you to read my story of personal tragedy and

growth through adversity. My purpose is to share my journey and inspire

you should you or someone you know who may be experiencing challenges.

The G.R.O.W. Framework was developed in response to a devastating loss

that I experienced. G.R.O.W. - Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism and

Willpower are traits that can be learned and developed. I believe that by

applying the G.R.O.W. Framework to all aspects of our lives, we can become

more self-aware, resilient and optimistic, and cultivate what is best in us

and others.

The G.R.O.W. Framework is based on research in the areas of positive

psychology, neuroscience and education as well as my own lived


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experiences and discussions with people who have experienced their own

challenging life events. Positive psychology is the scientific study of human

flourishing and is not part of the self-help movement. It does not look at

what is wrong with people, but what is right with us. It also does not focus

solely on happiness and positivity as all emotions help people to reach their

full potential. The latest research in positive psychology suggests that

there can be personal growth after adversity or seeing “doors opening”.

Positive life change is possible, and through the G.R.O.W. Framework, I

have realized my strengths during times of adversity.

As a result of developing and applying the G.R.O.W. Framework, I

believe that you will become more confident in your abilities to accept that

you can grow through your own challenges, whether they are personal or

professional, as a parent, teacher, coach, student, business owner or simply

as a person who is struggling, and wants to live fully and positively affect

those around us. I want to show you how to grow through life. I

encourage you to keep reading.

Ray Samuels


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Disclaimer: This course is not intended as a treatment for serious mental health issues. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, or other mental health issues, I strongly urge you to seek out a mental health professional in your community immediately.


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Life’s Challenges

Aspirations, achievements and accomplishments provide us with a

sense of satisfaction, fulfillment and well-being. However life is filled with

challenges, obstacles, stress and adversity that may prevent or delay us

from living the life we want to be living. Have you ever struggled through a

challenging life event? Have you ever wondered why some people suffer

hardships and do not falter? Why do some people buckle under pressure?

And what makes others bend and ultimately bounce back? Do you feel

confident that you could persevere in the face of a personal or professional

setback? Do you know how can we cultivate what is best in ourselves and in

others, and experience personal growth in spite of adversity? I would like

to introduce you to my story of both loss and growth.

My Life Challenges

I have been a successful entrepreneur since I was a teenager. I have

been blessed with abundant financial success however this has not made me

immune to experiencing difficult and challenging life events. People might

assume that having great personal wealth would guarantee happiness, and

solve all of life’s problems. It is true that I was able to enjoy many things

because of hard work which lead to my financial success but business

disputes and costly lawsuits, personal health issues and tragedy that struck

my family made me realize that money could never buy what I needed to

help me through these difficult periods in my life.


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I would like to share with you my personal story of a devastating loss.

I am one of five children – four brothers and one sister. This story is about

my eldest brother, Michael with whom I had a close relationship. When we

got together, our conversations

ranged from family, politics, sports, business and his favourite subject -

music. Michael was always in good spirits when he was surrounded by

music. His love and passion for music afforded him the opportunity to meet

some terrific people in his life. As a DJ and sound man, Michael

supplemented his income by pursuing his passion.

In 2007, Michael was diagnosed with colon cancer. He yearned to be

surrounded by his children and grandchildren. He was blessed to survive

his first bout of cancer however I noticed a difference in him. I decided to

make it a priority to spend quality time with him. Michael became very

reflective about his life and he would often share his thoughts. I encouraged

him to search for deeper understanding and come to terms with the fact

that we all experience times in our lives where if given a second chance, we

would act and behave differently. I remember sharing with him that every

day is a new day to make a difference in our own lives and the lives of

others. It's a choice whether or not we decide to make that difference. I

shared some of my own challenges and how that with my positive outlook, I

was confident that everything would work out. I was resilient and optimistic

about the future. Michael felt encouraged so I thought that everything was

good however this was not the case.


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It was a sunny brisk morning in October 2008 when I received a call

from Michael. He said that he felt it was best if he killed himself. He said

that he loved me and he appreciated all that I was doing for him. Michael

told me that his colon cancer had reappeared. He felt defeated, and

believed that he was unable to bounce back again. I reminded him that he

was loved by many and tried to encourage him to see that it was possible to

get through this. He was only 47 years old and had a whole life ahead of

him. I spoke love into his heart and I committed to support him in any way.

We had a breakthrough; he had a change of heart. He made me promise

that I would not speak of this with our mother or anyone for that matter. I

kept my promise.

During the next few months, I spent a considerable amount of time

with Michael. We engaged in very long conversations. I shared openly my

own challenges and how I believed that with the power of a growth mindset,

resilience and optimism, I could overcome any difficulties. Michael sought

counselling and was also under the care of his family physician. Slowly,

Michael showed resilience by bouncing back and engaging in activities that

he loved such as music. Michael was very meticulous in preparation of such

events and there was a glow every time he was asked to play at a party or

event. He visited the gym in order to keep himself in shape and clear his

mind. He believed in the adage - healthy body, healthy mind - however he

was masking his true feelings from others.


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December 8, 2008, is a day that I will never forget. The phone rang at

6:55 p.m. My brother was on the other end telling me that he loved me. He

said “I’m not in a good place right now but I really appreciate everything

that you’ve done for me”. My heart started to race as I immediately knew

that something was wrong. I tried to remain calm and asked Michael

where he was. He said that it wasn’t important but that he was close by. He

told me not to find him because it would be too late. I asked him if

something had happened. There was silence on the other end and I realized

that we had been disconnected.

My first call was to 911. I told the operator that I just received a call

from my brother and believed that he was suicidal. I asked the operator if it

was possible to

triangulate his cell phone and send the police over to his location. The

operator told me

that someone had just called in with a similar description. I was familiar

with the location the operator mentioned, and as I was preparing to leave

home, Michael called me again. He asked me to tell my mother, my siblings

and his children that he loved them all. He said he was going away forever

and that this was for the best. I did not know that Michael was in a parking

lot just eight minutes down the road. While he was talking to me on the

phone, I heard a person saying “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it!” I found

out later what that statement meant. Then Michael poured gasoline on

himself and set himself on fire. The coroner said he had the phone attached


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to his ear while he was on fire. His last words on the phone were “I love

you Raymond”. Then there was silence.

Sadly, Michael believed that taking his life would ease his pain. I

have learned that without much thought we often take for granted some of

life's basic tasks. Take for example lifting a teacup that we do so

effortlessly. However, for someone who is suffering from mental illness, a

simple task such as lifting a teacup becomes unbearable or in some cases

impossible. This tragic event has had a significant impact on my family and

me. Healing has taken a long time but I have never really gotten over my

brother’s death. I have learned that it is important to move forward even

through such pain and loss. I have also come to understand mental illness

and have developed more compassion and less judgement regarding this

common illness in our society. If you or a family member is suffering from

mental illness, please seek immediate help. I urge you to do this.

The ability to overcome personal and professional challenges, and

prepare myself for future challenges, has required work and reflection. I

know and believe in my

abilities to meet challenges head on. It hasn’t always been easy but I

believe in my ability to bounce back. I also believe that we can be strong

even in the face of challenges and setbacks, and this is the message that I

want to share. However for those suffering from mental illness, difficulties

can be overwhelming, and again I ask you to seek immediate help from

mental health professionals.


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Although I have experienced significant success in my professional

life, I have felt a deep longing to live my true passion, and bring more

meaning to my life, and the lives of others. I believe that this is my purpose.

I want to inspire you to persevere through challenging times. I have

personally been able to grown through several difficult life events and I

want to share my message with you. I have discovered that having a

Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism and Willpower has enabled me to move

through challenging times and prepare myself for any unseen future

obstacles. I would like to share the G.R.O.W. Framework for Well-being©

with you because I believe that it can help you in your current challenges

and learn to apply this framework in future for yourself or for others.

The G.R.O.W. Framework for Well-being©

The G.R.O.W. Framework for Well-being© is a powerful, but simple

tool that can be learned and applied to our own situations. Once we have

mastered our understanding that we can develop and apply this framework,

we have confidence in these traits to bounce back and persevere with

optimism. The G.R.O.W. Framework for Well-being© is based on research

in the areas of positive psychology, neuroscience and education. Gratitude,

Resilience, Optimism and Willpower are traits that can be

assessed, learned, developed and applied to all aspects of our lives. How to

Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism,


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Willpower): A Framework for Well-being© Online Course contains five

modules. The course starts with an Introduction to the Course, information

about positive psychology and Mindsets Matter (having the right mindset).

The other modules are:

Module One: Gratitude

Module Two: Resilience

Module Three: Optimism

Module Four: Willpower

Module Five: Growing Forward

Each module has been organized by describing the trait, outlining

why the trait is important and research-based tips on how you can develop

the trait. There are also self-assessment tools, videos from experts in the

field, reflection activities and a doable action at the end of each module.

There is also a G.R.O.W. Journal for reflection and writing which includes

positive quotes and leaves you with a permanent record of your notes.

G.R.O.W. Online Course Outline

Here is a brief outline the online course - How to Win in Challenging

Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A

Framework for Well-being©

Introduction and Mindsets Matter

Mindsets are beliefs about yourself and your most basic qualities. You

may believe that these qualities are fixed traits (fixed mindset) or you may


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think that these qualities can be developed (growth mindset). It is

important to have the right mindset before embarking on personal or

professional growth.

What is a Growth Mindset?

People with a growth mindset believe that:

their qualities, skills and talents can be developed through

dedication, hard work and effort.

their potential is unknown and they are motivated by hard work

effort is not be avoided but is viewed as necessary to grow

challenges and obstacles are not failures but opportunities to learn

negative feedback is not perceived as being directly about them but

rather about their current abilities, and is viewed as an opportunity to

improve

Why is a Growth Mindset important?

A growth mindset will help us get through challenges, obstacles and persevere.

Can you develop a Growth Mindset?

Absolutely! This module will assess your current mindset and provide tips to develop it.

Module One: Gratitude


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“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world”. John Milton

What is Gratitude?

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace,

graciousness, or gratefulness.

Gratitude is:

a thankful appreciation for what we have received. When we express

our gratitude, we acknowledge the goodness in our lives.

Usually we recognize that the source of our goodness lies partially

outside ourselves.

Gratitude helps us connect to something larger than ourselves such as

other people, nature, or a higher power.

Why is Gratitude important?

In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently

associated with greater happiness.

It helps us feel more positive emotions, appreciate good experiences,

improve our health, deal with adversity, and build

strong relationships.

Can we Cultivate Gratitude? How to GROW in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Well-being© Ray Samuels (2015)

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Absolutely! Most of the studies published on this topic support an

association between gratitude and an individual’s well-being. Regardless of

the inherent or current level of someone’s gratitude, it’s a quality that

individuals can successfully cultivate further. Gratitude is a way for people

to appreciate what we have instead of always reaching for something new in

the hopes it will make us happier. Gratitude helps us refocus on what we

have instead of what we lack. This mental state grows stronger with use

and practice.

Module Two: Resilience

“Resilience is not about being untouched by adversity, but to play an active role in how it transforms you.” Kelly McGonigal

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the capacity of a person to maintain integrity in the face of

dramatically changed circumstances. It is functioning with a sense of

purpose, meaning and forward momentum in the face of trauma.

Resilience is:

It is the recovery from setbacks in life, and your quality of bouncing

back

It is the ability to cope with ongoing change

Optimism also helps. Resilient people EXPECT to bounce back, and

often stronger than before. They know that the situation is not


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permanent. They feel confident that they can overcome the challenge

or obstacle. They believe that the struggle to overcome adversity

helps them to develop new strengths

Why is Resilience important?

Few people will go through an entire lifetime without their resilience being

challenged. Resilience helps us to respond and adapt effectively to stress and

unforeseen pressures.

We will be better able to view setbacks and challenges as manageable

and have a greater ability to cope with the daily stresses in life.

Being resilient in one aspect of our life (relationships) can help us in

other areas (work).

It helps us to transform hardships into challenges, failure into success

and helplessness into power. Without resilience, we may think

inaccurately about the obstacles and use problem-solving approaches

that are not effective

Resilience helps us to derive meaning from failure. We can use the

knowledge from our experiences to climb higher and achieve more.

Resilient people have greater zest and energy for life, and are curious

and more open to new experiences

Can you develop Resilience?


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Absolutely! New scientific research suggests that personal resiliency

is more widespread, improvable and teachable than previously thought.

Resilience is rooted in beliefs, values, character, experiences, genes

and habits of the mind – habits we can change. This module provides tools

to develop your level of resilience.

Module Three: Optimism

“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.” Dalai Lama XIV

What is Optimism?

Optimism is a habit or style of looking at challenges, failure and

setback in ways that increase one’s own hope and persistence. Being

optimistic enables us to live with happiness and fulfilment in the face of

life’s challenges. Optimism is more than seeing

the glass half full or half empty or always seeing the silver lining. It is also

more than just positive thinking, giving ourselves daily pep talks and

repeating positive phrases and visualizing what we want to see happen in

our lives.

Why is Optimism important?

People who have a sense of optimism tend to see things in a positive

light, and learn from negative situations (growth mindset)

Optimistic people persist and their struggle brings deep satisfaction


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Optimism is linked to effective coping skills. Optimists deal more

effectively with their problems rather than avoid them. Optimists are

more action-oriented.

Optimists believe that a good outcome will eventually result from their

efforts

Can you develop Optimism?

Absolutely! The best approach to becoming more optimistic is to recognize

and dispute pessimistic thoughts. This module will provide concrete ways

for you to develop optimistic thinking.

Module Four: Willpower

“Improving willpower is the surest way to a better life”. Roy Baumeister

What is Willpower?

Willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations to attain long-

term goals. It is the capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling or

impulse. Did you know that people regularly cite lack of willpower as the

number one reason for not following through?

Making decisions seems to deplete our willpower. The same energy

that is used for self-control is also used for making decisions. If it is

depleted, it may be the cause why we lose self-control.


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To have more self-control, it is important to develop more self-

awareness (the ability to understand what we are doing and why we

are doing it)

Why is Willpower important?

People regularly cite lack of willpower as the number one reason for

not following through on changes or goals

People who have greater self-control are those who have greater

success in life

Can you develop Willpower?

Absolutely! Willpower is like a muscle which can get stronger the

more you use it. People give up not because they lack willpower, but

because they feel overwhelmed by the enormity of their goals. This module

provides ways to develop your willpower.

Module Five: Growing Forward

In this module, the final activity connects the doable actions that you

have identified in each of the modules. There is a chance to reflect on the

traits that you have assessed, learned and developed, and ask yourself how

you might help others when you are able to.

Conclusion

Growing through Life’s Challenges


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The ability to persevere during challenges times and then come out

stronger on the other side is possible. It might be hard to imagine that we

can actually grow because of or despite challenging life events. Despite my

personal and professional challenges, I have chosen to find ways to

positively impact the lives of others. Speaking to groups, and connecting to

others has brought me such great joy. This is an example of “doors

opening” – the belief that people can grow despite adversity.

I have used the G.R.O.W. Framework for Well-being© to help me

“win” during my challenging times. I invite you to learn how to develop

and apply the G.R.O.W. Framework for Well-being© to all aspects of your

life and to help others.

Let us take this journey together so that we can grow through and

because of life’s challenging times. Please reach out to me at

[email protected]

Ray Samuels


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Testimonials

Please read what people have said about How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Well-being©.

“You are doing amazing work. It is dynamic. You are very talented in so many ways, free up and share with the world how one person can break the barriers and find that amazing power within that can set you free to be anything you want to be”. B. K.

“It was inspirational and although there is a lot of information, it is presented in an accessible way and is not overwhelming. I liked the fact that there is an interesting mix of sources from TED talks to quizzes. The module I learned the most from was the one on resilience. The list of questions about resilience was thought-provoking and I wasn't sure what the answers would be so it made me think about resilience in a slightly different way”. Janet Machio

“I really enjoyed G.R.O.W. and I can say with a 100% assurance that it was very powerful in helping me to turn my view of my particular situation from a “misfortune” or a “difficulty” which I have no control over, to an “opportunity” to a be a better ME and to create a better life for myself and my family”.

“Although I am an optimistic person by nature, a series of ongoing struggles can bring me to a state where I start blaming the outside world for my misfortunes. The “Optimism” definitely helped me to put my situation in perspective and to pull all MY resources, my will, my mindset, my knowledge and experience to make this difficulty work to my advantage. It reminded me that positive thinking, growth mindset and the optimism will give me strength to be persistent, to stay in charge of my situation and to become more resilient as a result”.

“It is written in a way that it is very easy to read, to follow, to relate and to apply to a specific situation. I liked the references to Martin Seligman’s Explanatory Style and the ABCDE Model and the idea that we can actually develop optimism by changing the way we think and act as a result. “Open to Optimism,” is very valuable part of the subject as it helps to analyze and reach even deeper insight to one’s feelings at a difficult time. It also describes how to change the way you think and how to create your own action plan having positive and optimistic thoughts. Realistic Optimism is a great reminder to stay in touch with reality and to be prepared for the worst. I do believe it will have a huge impact on millions of people”. Winnie


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“I love it. Great, positive ideas. I know I talked to our kids about picking yourself up when things don't work out the way you thought they might. I tried to see how my own life fits with the G.R.O.W. Framework and it works well”. Judy Smith

“What I personally experienced is as

1. Easy to read, understand and to follow the instructions2. Self-assessment questionnaire and GROW Well-Being Journal - are great tools

which could be applied immediately3. Key points are connected throughout: Positive Psychology combined with hard

work, perseverance, self-motivation, self-discipline can create a chain reaction which will gradually turn your life around.

4. Realizing that it’s the challenges, adversity and tough times that make us more resilient and, again, it all starts from within, it’s the ability to change our thinking, manage our emotions and being optimistic that help us to find and build the personal power”. S.W.

“I thought it conveyed the message clearly and will motivate those who struggle to sit back, think, and then look within if they do have or lack these character traits, muscle or whatever. It will inspire people to learn how to develop these traits. They can be taught. When developing these traits with wisdom, I think people become better people; free of greed, anger, envy and full of loving kindness, generous and compassion. What you are doing is showing, through example, how to assist people to grow”. Kanthi Uyangoda

Disclaimer: This course is not intended as a treatment for serious mental health issues. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, or other mental health issues, I strongly urge you to seek out a mental health professional in your community immediately.


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