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A long, long time ago in a far, far away land…well…China. The Jade Emperor decided that Mankind needed a new system by which to mark the passage of time. The old system, using 12 earthly branches, had become old and outdated. It was decided that the new system would use animals and that the humans born in each particular period of that animal would adopt its traits, noble or otherwise.

Being the Emperor’s birthday, he invited all the animals in the world to a great feast. They had to cross the river that separated Heaven from Earth and join him at his royal birthday banquet. The first twelve animals would earn places on the Zodiac in the order by which they crossed the finish line. From his magnificent golden throne, he proclaimed to all of creation, “First to cross the river and enter the celestial palace shall be named King of the Zodiac! The eleven that follow shall also earn places of honor in the order they arrive…GO!”

As all the animals began the great race, some didn’t even make it to the river. Con-cerned that the Elephant might cross it in a few short steps, the Rat ran up and scared the large but timid animal into the oppo-site direction. Upon reaching the river, the Rat and the Cat, who were good friends at the time, immediately saw they’d have the hardest time going from one bank to the other. They quickly worked out a deal with the best river forger they knew, the Ox.

Half-way across, the Cat decided it was a good time to take a nap. The Rat, seeing his friend’s laziness when so much was at stake, didn’t think twice before shoving the Cat in the water. To this day, the Rat and the Cat have yet to reconcile their differ-ences.

As the Ox and the Rat neared the end of the race, the Rat positioned himself on the Ox’s horns. Just before the end of the race, the Rat leapt from the Ox’s horns and across the finish line, making the Rat first and with that, King of The Zodiac. The Ox came in just after him, at second place.

The Tiger, be-ing a strong swimmer, came in third. The

Rabbit was able to hop across on logs and lily paddies, but slipped just as it was about to reach the other bank.

The Dragon, having the ability to fly, was expected to be a good contender for the crown, but was up causing havoc in the sky, whipping up massive rainstorms just to show off how powerful he was. The Rabbit’s cry for help caught the Dragon’s attention who then swooped down to save

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her and let her cross just before him, mak-ing the Rabbit fourth and the Dragon fifth.

The Horse had crossed the river well but was already enjoying the title of sixth when the Snake came up and scared him. She slithered in at sixth, leaving the dazed and confused Horse for seventh.

The Goat, the Monkey and the Rooster all knew they weren’t the strongest contend-

ers. Joining together, they built a raft. Their finishing order was then decided on a brief congressional meeting followed by tequila shots; last one to pass out got the highest available spot. The Rooster was the first to go out, leaving the Monkey and the Goat

to duke it out. The Monkey looked like he might have made it had he not fallen from the tree branch: Goat eighth, Monkey ninth, Rooster tenth.

Leaving the real Hero of the race, the Dog, who was more concerned about bathing before entering the celestial palace. He knew he was an excellent swimmer and, despite the time-consuming bath, was headed to the finish line to be eighth after having swum right past the well-con-structed but slow moving Goat, Monkey and Rooster raft. However just before the Dog was about to cross the finish line, he looked back to the see that the Pig had taken the time to eat and sleep and then frantically tried to cross the river only to get a cramp right before she was about to arrive at the other side.

Seeing the goatmonkeyrooster camp had only the finish line in mind, the Dog turned around and went back to help his friend Pig. A couple bites on Porky’s pi gu, and she was moving again – bringing the Dog in eleventh and the Pig finishing up the Zodiac, at twelfth.

So what can our protagonists of the Chinese Zodiac teach us?

The Rat teaches how even the smallest contender can get to the top if they are willing to be cunning and ruthless even to

their friends. He might not have even wanted to use the Ox’s strength in

that way, or remove the Elephant and the Cat as he did. In his

mind, he was just being clever, and taking advan-

tage of the opportu-nities presented to

him. If one of the biggest contend-

ers happens to be especially frightened of you, scare them, take them out

of the equation. If a partner gets lazy, dump them, they’re just slowing you down. If someone has left themselves open to be used, use them. It’s nothing personal. But he shows how even if you’re King, a Rat is still a Rat.

The Ox taught us to be careful of deals made with people only obsessed with be-ing number one.

The Tiger shows that no matter how smart or strong you may be, sincere hard work will always keep you in the top three.

The Rabbit shows how “get-there-quick” schemes and shortcuts can often get us into even more trouble. The Dragon re-minds us not to be too impressed with our own power as it can distract us from the real goal. And that redemption of abused power is found in the use of it to help others.

The Snake shows how you can throw off even stronger competitors if you can catch them in a moment of weakness/unaware-ness. The Horse teaches us not to get ahead of ourselves. The race isn’t over until you actually cross the finish line.

The Goat, Monkey and Rooster show us what can be achieved when common goals are decided upon, heads are put together and responsibilities properly delegated out. They took the time to help each other build a raft, when individually they each could have just bolted for the finish line. Their intelligence and teamwork, wisely kept them from their far flung hopes of first and they’re ingenuity put them in the top 12. And we also learn that Roosters are lightweights, drunken Monkey’s are funny and that Goat’s know the secret to out-drinking your opponents, focus.

The Dog reminds us that it’s not when you get there but how much fun you had along the way, that if you’ve been invited by the Jade Emperor, take a shower and that there’s no point in going to the Emperor’s birthday party unless you’re with friends.

And finally the Pig reminds us to have faith, because we are there to look out for each other.

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