COMMAS ARE FOR FASCISTS(or, how to tolerate punctuation)

FIRST RULES:Punctuation rules are weird.

Punctuation rules were imposed on a preexisting language practice.

Punctuation practices change.

FIRSTRULES

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From Strunk:

• Coordinating conjunctions: FANBOYS

• After introductory phrases/clauses: Junk in the Front

• Lists• Groups of adjectives• Nonrestrictive clauses,

parenthetical phrases, appositives: Junk in the Middle

• Direct address, question tags• Direct quotations• Dates, Addresses, Titles

Folks we’re here to talk commas. Sometimes considered the plague of the punctuation world commas also have friends fans and occasional allies. However that hardly completes the sordid tale. Commas the weakest member of the punctuation gang receive praise for their versatility but many also revile them for their wide variety of usages. Some in fact consider them a bit trampy. Among the comma detractors Philologist Andreas Tartotater Ph.D. stated “I would never leave my young teens alone with commas for that dirty libertine punctuation sows its wild oats with abandon.”

Folks, we’re here to talk commas. Sometimes considered the plague of the punctuation world, commas also have friends, fans, and occasional allies. However, that hardly completes the sordid tale. Commas, the weakest member of the punctuation gang, receive praise for their versatility, but many also revile them for their wide variety of usages. Some, in fact, consider them a bit trampy. Among the comma detractors, Philologist Andreas Tartotater, PhD, stated, “I would never leave my young teens alone with commas, for that dirty, libertine punctuation sows its wild oats with abandon.”

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The semicolon is the ÜBERCOMMA

• It connects two independent clauses without needing “and, for, but,” etc.

• It separates items in complex lists, e.g.:

Red, white, and blue, blue, white, and red, and white, blue and red.

Red, white, and blue; blue, white, and red; and white, blue, and red.

:

The COLON:• Promises the completion of something just begun• Indicates a “step forward” from one clause to the

next• Introduces a list

of items• Formally

introduces a quotation

• Formal salutations• Title: Subtitle

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The em-dash will kill a man faster than look at ‘im.

•Marks off material that needs emphasis.•Is very loud.•Sets off parentheticals•In MS WORD: letter hyphen hyphen letter

Mantis dating is perilous. The best-case scenario ends in decapitation.

Mantis dating is perilous, for the best-case scenario ends in decapitation.

Mantis dating is perilous; the best-case scenario ends in decapitation.

Mantis dating is perilous: the best-case scenario ends in decapitation.

Mantis dating is perilous—the best-case scenario ends in decapitation.

Mantis dating is perilous (the best-case scenario ends in decapitation).

Hyphens: forsaken, heartbroken, abandoned, still useful.

A high school dance vs. A high-school danceA small business expert vs. A small-business expertA real estate salesman vs. A real-estate salesmanAn anti-child abuse center vs. An anti-child-abuse center

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• Possession:Congress’s reformsChildren’s HospitalGirls’ Bathroom

• Contractions:I’m, you’re, etc.Summer of ’68

• Weird Plurals:Your p’s and q’sThe 1990’s (1990s)PDA’s (PDAs)

?!

Question Marks and Exclamation Points Used to be Words!

• Actually, that’s just a theory.• If it’s true:

Quaestio Qo ?Io (joy, Latin) !

• The question mark has also been ascribed to a cat’s tail, a flipped Greek question mark, a squiggle, and a musical notation.

• You all know what these two do already.

“” ‘’ ( ) [ ] … /

““ ””

•Direct QuotationsDoubles outside,singles inside.

•Titles of short works:Essays, articles,songs, poems, TV episodes, etc.

•Words used as words:The word “moist” ishighly disturbing.

[sic]

…

• If you need to chop out part of a quote

• Not needed at the beginning; not always needed at the end

• Don’t forget an extra period (a fourth dot) if needed

Ellipsis:

The EN-DASH is obscure.

But, if you care, it is equivalent to “to” or “versus”. In MS Word, type space-hyphen-space. Really, though, a

hyphen works fine.

•The Seattle – Portland line•The nature – nurture question•The Obama – Clinton debate•The Protestant – Catholic divide