project safe - a preventive approach for adolescents in residential settings

A PREVENTIVE APPROACH FOR ADOLESCENTS IN RESIDENTIAL SETTINGS

IT’S TIME TO

TALK

PROJECT SAFE (R) A

“

“

PROJECT SAFE (R) AThis book is printed on recycled paper.

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AllAll the texts, wordings, meanings, examples, activities, references and any other typographical depiction in this

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A preventive approach for adolescents in residential settings

THIS BOOK BELONGS TO

ADDRESS

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PROJECT SAFE (R) A

FIRST PRINT

PUBLISHER

PROJECT SUPERVISION

CONTENT RESEARCH

CONTENT DEVELOPMENT

MANUAL LAYOUT AND DESIGN

CREATIVE AGENCYCREATIVE AGENCY

PRINTING & BINDING

2013

Mr. ParandamanT.Forensic PsychologistChen Su Lan Methodist Children’s Home

Mr. Parandaman T.MBPSs MSPS

Ms. Poonam JalanIntern at Chen Su Lan Methodist Children’s Home

Student of Master of Psychological Counseling,

Monash University

Ms. Poonam JalanIntern at Chen Su Lan Methodist Children’s Home

Under direct supervision of

Mr. Parandaman Thechanamurthi

Mr. Ankur NischalPensa Media Solutions Private Limited

Pensa Media Solutions Private LimitedCorporate Office 75-76, 3rd Floor, Adhchini, Aurbindo Marg,

New Delhi - 110017, India

Singapore

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A preventive approach for adolescents in residential settings

TABLE OF CONTENT

PREFACE

PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

BULLYING

ABUSE

REFERENCES

USEFUL LINKS & WEBSITES

Definition of boundaries

Types of boundaries

Ways to create your personal boundaries

Benefits of boundary setting

Examples of Boundary Setting

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

ActivitiesActivities

Definition of bullying

Types of bullying

Impact of bullying

Characteristics of bullies

Characteristics of victims

The Bullying Circle

Things you can do to help yourselfThings you can do to help yourself

What to do if you witness someone being bullied?

Activities

/ 4

/ 5

/ 14

/ 23

/ 30

/ 32

Definition of abuse

Types of abuse

Identification of abuse

Healing from abuse

Activities

Project Safe(r) A(adolescents) : A preventive target hardening approach for adolescents in residential

settings , is adapted from project safe. Project safe is a psych education program run by Chen Su Lan

Methodist Children’s Home that was first introduced in 2011. The program was primarily devised for

children aged between 6 and 12 and was successfully implemented in children’s home. Taking the

initiative a step further; Project safe(r) A(adolescents) is designed for children from the age of 13 to 17.

The aim of the project is to create awareness in adolescents concerning various kinds of abuses

and unfavorable situations. Through psych education Project Safe(r) A(adolescents) hopes that

adolescents gain insight into the subject as well as empower and equip themselves to recognize,

respond and deal with such situations in a more productive and safe manner.

Page 04

PROJECT SAFE(R) A

THE AIM

WHAT ARE PERSONAL BOUNDARIES?

How do you know if someone steps into you boundaries?

What do you do in that situation?

What can you do to enforce healthy boundaries?

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WHY DO WE NEED PERSONAL BOUNDARIES?

THERE ARE TWO MAIN TYPES OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Personal boundaries define you as an individual, outlining your likes and dislikes, and setting the distances

you allow others to approach. They include physical, mental, psychological and spiritual boundaries,

involving beliefs, emotions, intuitions and self-esteem.

PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Setting clear personal boundaries is the key to ensuring relationships is mutually respectful, supportive and

caring. They set the limits for acceptable behavior from those around you.

1. Physical Boundaries

2. Psychological Boundaries

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

No one can make you feel inferiorwithout your consent.

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIESPhysical Boundaries can be defined as the physical space between two people as they communicate. This

may vary depending upon the relationship and environment the two people are in e.g. between you and

your boyfriend/girlfriend the space may be way less than it would be between you and a complete stranger.

A clear understanding of physical boundaries allows two people to communicate effectively without getting

uncomfortable or intimidated by the other.

A GENERAL GUIDELINE TO COMFORTABLE DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:

GENERAL RULES OF PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES

WAYS TO DEAL WITH PHYSICAL BOUNDARY VIOLATION

Never touch a stranger.

Stand at least 120 cms away from a person unless you know him or her well.

When someone leans away from you, you are probably in that person’s space that makes him or her

uncomfortable.

Never lean over someone else’s shoulder to read something unless invited.

Never go through anyone else’s personal belongings.

Don’t enter a room without knocking first.Don’t enter a room without knocking first.

Don’t cut in front of people in line.

Lean away from the person or take a step back, hoping he or she will take the hint.

Come right out and say you are uncomfortable being so close and explain why you need more space.

Approximately 0-50 cms for intimate couples e.g. Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Husband, wife etc.

Approximately 45-91cms for good friends and family members

Approximately 91-300 cms for casual acquaintances

More than 120 cms for strangers

More than 365 cms for speaking to a large group

YOU

0 to 50 cms

Couple

45 to 91 cms

91 to 300 cms

Good Friends & Family

Casual acquaintances& Co Worker

More than 120 cms

Strangers

More than 365 cms

Large Group

THERE ARE FOUR MAIN TYPES OF PSYCHOLOGICAL BOUNDARY

PSYCHOLOGICAL BOUNDARIES

WAYS TO CREATE YOUR PERSONAL BOUNDARIESClear and healthy boundaries are critical to living your vision and creating a fulfilling life. A lack of boundaries will pull you away from being your best.

Be clear about the boundary to both yourself and others – Make sure you have been thoughtful about the boundary issue and have defined for yourself and others what is acceptable and unacceptable. Once a boundary is crossed, remind the individual of your boundary and ask for his/her help in maintaining that boundary. If the individual continues to violate the boundary, ask firmly and politely for the behavior to stop. If the behavior continues, consider what further action is appropriate to stop the behavior. Remember that while you may be firm, you should also remain respectful of the other individual. firm, you should also remain respectful of the other individual. Identify ways to position yourself in a time and place that minimizes the opportunity for your boundaries to be crossed. Thank those people around you who honor your boundaries and thank those who have honored your requests to start observing your boundaries. Always seek to understand and honor the boundaries of others.

PSYCHOLOGICAL BOUNDARIES

Soft - A person with soft boundaries merges with other people's boundaries. Someone with a soft

boundary is easily taken advantage of.

Spongy - People with spongy boundaries are unsure of what to let in and what to keep out e.g. I am

not sure, I will think about it and come back to you.

Rigid - A person with rigid boundaries is closed or walled off so nobody can get close to him/her

either physically or emotionally. It can happen at any time, place or circumstances and are

usually based on a bad previous experience in a similar situation. usually based on a bad previous experience in a similar situation.

Flexible - This is the ideal. Similar to selective rigid boundaries but the person has more control. The

person decides what to let in and what to keep out, is resistant to emotional manipulation,

and is difficult to exploit.

Weak boundaries leave you vulnerable and likely to be taken for granted or even damaged by others.

BENEFITS OF BOUNDARY SETTING

EXAMPLES OF BOUNDARY SETTING

Contribution to others' wellbeing by being aware of our own boundaries e.g. not making others

uncomfortable by standing too close while talking.

Freedom from bad behavior, fear or pain e.g. if you let others tell you what you should do, it may feel

bad but by firmly telling them how you feel will save you from feeling bad.

Increased self-esteem and self-respect will be gained by not letting people cross their boundaries and

bring you down.

Healthy boundaries are a requirement for honest, direct communication because it doesn’t leave space Healthy boundaries are a requirement for honest, direct communication because it doesn’t leave space

for confusion and misunderstandings.

Anger - "You may not continue to yell at me. If you do, I will leave the room and end this meeting."

Buy Time - "I have a policy of not making snap decisions. I need time to think and reflect on what I

want to do. If you need an immediate answer It will be no."

Criticism - "It's not okay with me for you to make comments about my weight. Please stop. If you don't I

won't be able to continue this conversation."

Extra Commitments - "Although this is an Important Issue to me, I must decline your request for my Extra Commitments - "Although this is an Important Issue to me, I must decline your request for my

help at this time. Or I need to look at my family's needs."

Money - "I won't be lending you anymore money. I care about you and you need to start taking

responsibility for yourself."

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

BOUNDARY BENEFITS

It is not enough to set boundaries; It is necessary

to be willing to do whatever It takes

to enforce them.

“ “

SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES Telling all could put you at the risk because you do not know the person well enough to trust. She/he

may misuse your information

Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting. It is important to spend enough time with a person and

evaluate them before getting deeply involved.

Acting on first sexual impulse. If you do not know the person well enough you might put yourself in a

dangerous situation of having risk of sexually transmitted diseases. The other person may turn out to the dangerous situation of having risk of sexually transmitted diseases. The other person may turn out to the

wrong person at a later date.

Going against personal values or rights to please others. This may lead to regret later on.

Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries. Healthy boundaries are important at

all times.

Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want. These are signs of a morally weak person.

Touching a person without asking is a clear boundary violation as you may end up making the other Touching a person without asking is a clear boundary violation as you may end up making the other

person uncomfortable.

"If you break plans with me by not showing up or calling me, I will call you on your behaviors and let you know how I feel." "If you continue (offensive behavior) I will leave the room/house/ ask you to leave." "If you continue to repeat the behavior I will consider all of my options including leaving the relationship."

Example

ACTIVITIESActivity OnePersonal Space Group Exercise

Step 1: Start by standing as far away as possible from your partner

Step 2: Take two steps towards your partner and discuss how you feel about the distance between you

and your partner.

Step 3: Keep taking steps towards your partner until they indicate they are no more comfortable with the

distance between you and them.

Discuss with your partner about what is your personal space and feelings related to violation of boundaries.

~60 cms ~45 cms

Activity Two

Activity Three

Personal Space Group ExerciseStep 1: Divide in groups of 2

Step 2: Partners raise their arms to indicate their personal space and then drop the arms.

Step 3: Take 5 minutes break and talk to other members of the group.

Step 4: Move back towards your partner

Step 5: Guess your partners personal boundary and stand close to them.

Step 6: The partner now raises their arm again, if the arm touches you, you are in their personal space

and have to leave the game. and have to leave the game.

Make a list of your own personal boundaries.

Discuss with the group the outcome of the game and how it made you feel.

1.

2.

3.

4.

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The game continues until all the remaining players are within healthy boundaries.

OK NOT OK

X

WHAT IS BULLYING?

Do you think you are being bullied? If yes, how?


What do you do if you see others being bullied?

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Commenting about your physical appearance e.g. you are so fat; you are ugly.

Make fun of your home or family e.g. your house is as small as a matchbox, you father is as ugly

as you are etc.

Commenting about your school work e.g. you are so stupid that you fail all exams.

Commenting about your popularity e.g. no one likes you around here etc.

Rejecting your achievements e.g. you never get tired of losing, you will top the list of failures

Commenting about your race or culture e.g. dirty brown skin etc.Commenting about your race or culture e.g. dirty brown skin etc.

Commenting about your gender e.g. you cry like a girl, you are too sissy to be a boy etc.

Commenting about disability you have e.g. are those crutches for decoration? Is your dyslexia

making you stupid? Etc.

Commenting about your mental health e.g. were you born this nervous? You worry about

everything on earth etc.

Bullying is a pattern of repeated physical, verbal, psychological or social aggression that is directed towards a specific student by someone with more power and is intended to cause harm, distress and create fear.

Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:

a. Hitting/kicking/pinching

b. Spitting

c. Tripping/pushing

d. Taking or breaking someone’s things

e. Making mean or rude hand gestures

BULLYINGWHAT CAN BULLYING BE ABOUT?

TYPES OF BULLYING

PHYSICAL

PHYSICAL VERBAL SOCIAL CYBER SEXTING

Verbal bullying is saying or writing means things. Verbal bullying includes:

Social bullying involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:

Cyber bullying occurs through the use of technology

like Instant Messaging or chat, text messages, email

and social networks e.g. Facebook, twitter and

MySpace or forums. It’s similar to offline bullying and it

can also be anonymous (having no known name), it

can reach a wide audience, and sent or uploaded

materials can be difficult to remove.

The Vengeful Angel

In this type of cyber bullying, the cyber bully doesn’t see themselves as bullies at all. They see them-

selves as righting wrongs, or protecting themselves or others from the “bad guy” they are now victimizing.

They often get involved trying to protect a friend who is being bullied or cyber bullied.

The Power-Hungry and Revenge of the Nerds

Some cyber bullies want to exert their authority, show that they are powerful enough to make others do

what they want and some want to control others with fear. They could hack your password and misuse

information, write inappropriate things on your Facebook wall, send you a virus through email etc. Their

Information Technology skills make them more powerful and dangerous.

Teasing

Name-calling

Inappropriate sexual comments

Threatening to cause harm

VERBAL

Leaving someone out on purpose

Telling other children not to be friends with someone

Spreading rumors about someone

Embarrassing someone in public

SOCIAL

CYBER

TYPES OF CYBER BULLIES:

The “Mean Girls”

Cyber bullying occurs when the cyber bully is bored or looking for entertainment. It is largely ego-

based and the most immature of all cyber bullying types.Typically, in the “Mean Girls” bullying situa-

tions, the cyber bullies are female. They may be bullying other girls (most frequently) or boys (less

frequently). This often takes place in groups usually to express control over others by posting mean

messages and posts as a group.

The Inadvertent Cyber bully or “Because I Can”

Inadvertent cyber bullies usually don’t think they are cyber bullies at all. They may be pretending to

be tough online, or role-playing or they may be reacting to hateful or provocative messages they

have received.They may feel hurt, or angry because of a communication sent to them, or something

they have seen online. And they tend to respond in anger or frustration. They don’t think before

clicking “send.”

Cyber bullying can happen 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and reach a kid even when he or she is

alone. It can happen any time of the day or night.

Cyber bullying messages and images can be posted anonymously and distributed quickly to a very

wide audience. It can be difficult and sometimes impossible to trace the source.

Deleting inappropriate or harassing messages, texts, and pictures is extremely difficult after they

have been posted or sent.

Don't respond to the message or image

Save the evidence

Block and delete the sender

Report the situation to the website or Internet

Service Provider

Tell trusted people—friends, adults, teachers, Tell trusted people—friends, adults, teachers,

parents and police if necessary.

A.

B.

C.

HOW IS CYBER BULLYING DIFFERENT?

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE CYBER BULLIED

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

““~ Epictetus

Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.Any type of sexual message that both parties have not consented to can constitute sexual harassment. Sexting behavior may result in several unfavorable consequences like:

Harassment or cyber stalking: Receiver of the texts and pictures may threaten to share the images.

Outing: The receiver of your content could actually post or share the images publicly.

Impersonation: The harasser could pretend to be the person who created the image and post or share it publicly, often with the suggestion that the person is interested in sexual contact.

When you blame others, you give up yourpower to change

IMPACT OF BULLYINGIt could make the victim feel guilty like it is their fault

Victim may feel hopeless and stuck like they can’t get out of the situation

Makes the victim feel alone, like there is no one to help them

Victim could feel like they don’t fit in with the cool group

Victims feel depressed and rejected

Victims feel unsafe and afraid

They may feel confused, ashamed and stressed out wondering what to do and why this is They may feel confused, ashamed and stressed out wondering what to do and why this is

happening to them

SEXTING

CHARACTERISTICS OF BULLIES Likes to dominate others

Likes to intimidate others

Generally focused on themselves

Have poor social skills

No feeling of empathy

Have problems following rules

Have problems taking responsibility for their Have problems taking responsibility for their

actions

Quick to blame others

Don't care about other people's feelings

Put people down to feel powerful

CHARACTERISTICS OF VICTIMSA new kid on the block – new in school

A person who is among the youngest in the school – often smaller and insecure

Someone with unique physical appearance e.g. Is fat or thin, short or tall

Someone with abnormal skin conditions

A person who has been traumatized previously

A person who is shy, reserved, timid or quiet

Someone who is not assertive – usually lacks confidence and does things to Someone who is not assertive – usually lacks confidence and does things to

please people

You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have.“ “~ Jim Rohn

Identify your role in the Bullying Circle

Share your bully story with your friends

The Bullying Circle

Bully or Bullies

Target / Victims

Defenders

Possible Defenders

BystandersSupporters

We need helpOver here!

Followers

THE BULLYING CIRCLE

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP YOURSELF

WHAT TO DO IF YOU WITNESS SOMEONE BEING BULLIED?

Ignore The bully; Walk or run away from the bully

Avoid the bully

Stand up for yourself: Firmly say, “Stop that!”

Be FIRM, but NOT MEAN

Be polite when you stand up for yourself (do not use vulgarities or unpleasant tone of voice)

Stick to your friends. Bullies hardly pick on persons who are surrounded by many friends

Tell an adult, parent, teacher, counselor, principal Tell an adult, parent, teacher, counselor, principal

Talk to a friend

Tell the person acting like a bully to stop

Talk to a teacher or an adult for help

Try to comfort and include the person who's being targeted

Explain to the person being bullied that it's nothing to do with them a it's about the other

person's behavior.

ACTIVITIESActivity OneBully Vs. Victim

Role-play the responses a victim could possibly give to bullies.Answer the following question:

How did playing the Bully make you feel?

How did practicing assertive response make the bully feel?

Discuss the other responses and their impact on the players

Player 1: The Bully

Player 2: The Submissive Victim

Player 3: The Aggressive Victim

Player 4: The Assertive Victim

Bullying (Provoking)

Bully roughlycuts in line in frontof victim

Victim steps back, puts head down and says nothing

Victim shoves bully out of theline and says, “you jerk”

Victim stands tall and says,“This is my place. No cuttingallowed”

Victim says, “ I am playing the rest of thegame, give me the ball back”

Victim calmly looks at the bully and says, “You are wasting your energyto make me mad”

Victim snatches the ball backand says, “Who are you calling the worst player? You moron”

Victim angrily replies, “Your mother is ugly”

Victims hand him the ball and says, Sorry I messed up”

Victim gets upset and starts to cry

Bully takes thevictims basketball and says, “you are the worst player ever, give me the ball”

Bully laughs and points at thevictim and sings, “Looser, looser, looser”

Giving in(Submissive)

Hurting back(Aggressive)

Standing Up(Assertive)

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Activity Two

Activity Three

Write your own pledge against bullying, explaining how you will protect yourself and your friends against bullying.

Write your own bullying story using at least 5 ideas you have learned from this manual.

WHAT IS ABUSE?

How do you know if someone is being abused?


How many types of abuses are you aware of?

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Child abuse is the bad treatment of a child under the age of 18 by a parent, caretaker, someone

living in their home or someone who works with or around them.

There are 4 main types of abuse

Causing any non-accidental physical injury to the child, for example hitting, kicking, slapping, shaking, burning, pinching, hair pulling, biting, choking, throwing, shoving and whipping.

Protect yourself first- you can hide, cover up your body as much as possible, duck down or run away from the abuser.Do not provoke the abuser-as this could agitate the abuser further and cause more injury to you.Seek help/shelter- shout for help, raise an alarm, call the neighbors, and call someone you trust.Inform the authorities- inform the people who are in charge of your safety e.g. house parents, social workers etc. If the abuser is one of your care takers then inform the police.

When a caretaker fails to take care of the basic needs of a child its called neglect.Neglect may have many

forms e.g. Physical, medical, educational and emotional neglect.

Physical Failure to provide necessary food or shelter, or lack of appropriate supervision

Medical Failure to provide necessary medical or mental health treatment

Educational Failure to educate a child or attend to special education needs

Emotional Inattention to a child's emotional needs, failure to provide psychological care, or

permitting the child to use alcohol or other drugs

NEGLECT

Physical abuse Sexual abuseNeglect Emotional abuse

ABUSETYPES OF ABUSE

PHYSICAL ABUSE:

WHAT TO DO?

Types of emotional abuse:

Rejecting Ignoring Terrorizing Isolating Corrupting Exploiting

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

When someone regularly criticizes your work, physical appearance etc.

When someone calls you inappropriate names for e.g. looser, lazy, greedy etc., in order to make you

feel bad and humiliate you.

When someone scolds vulgarities or shows aggression though shouting and yelling at you.

When someoneconstantly jokes to make you feel bad.

Emotional / psychological abuse is a pattern of behavior that impairs a child's emotional development or

sense of self-worth.

REJECTING

When someone fails to pay attention to significant events in child's life e.g. birthdays, school visits etc.

When someone does not pay attention to schooling needs.

When someone refuses to discuss your activities and interests.

When someone denies required health care.

When someone teases you excessively.

Whensomeone tries to scare you by yelling, screaming abusing you.

When someone uses verbal threats to you.

When someone threatens to destroy a favorite object e.g. a toy or a game.

IGNORING

TERRORIZING

When someone leaves you unattended for long periods and endangers your safety.

When someone keeps a child away from your family.

When someone does not allow you to have friends.

When someone stops you from participating in activities outside the home

ISOLATING

When someone rewards you for bullying and/or harassing behavior.

When someone teaches you racism and ethnic biases.

When someone encourages you for violence in sporting activities.

When someone rewards you for lying and stealing.

CORRUPTING

When you are expected to be 'caregiver' to the adult.

When someone expects you to take care of younger siblings.

When someone gives you unreasonable responsibilities around the house.

When someone encourages your participation in pornography.

EXPLOITING

POTENTIAL SEXUAL ABUSERS:A sexual abuser maybe a:

StrangersAdults you already knowOther children e.g. classmates, roommates etc.Someone you met on the internetRelativesParentsSiblings Siblings

Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual activity, with the abuser using force, making threats or taking advantage

of victims who are unable to give consent. Sexual abuse may be present in many forms for example:

SEXUAL ABUSE

Having parts of your body touched in a sexual way.

Being kissed inappropriately, in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Being told to touch parts of your own body.

Being made to touch parts of another person's body.

Being made to watch someone masturbate or touch his or her own body in a sexual way

Being watched while showering or changing

Putting objects (including penis and fingers) in the anus or mouth, and for young women, the vagina Putting objects (including penis and fingers) in the anus or mouth, and for young women, the vagina

Making you have sex, or do sexual things with other people .

Making sexual comments and suggestions to you

Sending sexual comments or suggestions to you via text or email.

TYPES OF DATING VIOLENCE/ABUSE

DATING VIOLENCE

When your partner physically abuses you.

When your partner calls you names and puts you down

When your partner Yelling and screaming at you

When your partner Intentionally embarrassing you in public

When your partner prevents you from seeing or talking with friends and family.

When your partner tells you what to do and wear

When your partner uses online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you.When your partner uses online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you.

When your partner blames your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior

When your partner is stalking you (following you)

When your partner threatens to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.

When your partner threatens to harm you, your pet or people you care about.

When your partner makes you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.

When your partner threatens to expose your secrets.

When your partner starts rumors about youWhen your partner starts rumors about you

Dating violence occurs when one of the partners (boyfriend, girlfriend) in a romantic relationship becomes

aggressive and abusing towards the other partner. Sometimes there is a thin line between possessive and

obsessive behaviors of a partner. It is important to be aware of these differences and ensure you safety.

If you have a “yes” to any one of those questions, you are probably being abused.

Get Help!!

STOP

DATING

VI LENCE

IDENTIFICATION OF ABUSEARE YOU BEING ABUSED?

HEALING FROM ABUSE

Does anyone make you feel uncomfortable or afraid?

Is there someone who constantly checks up on what you’re doing or where you are going?

Does someone make you feel afraid to disagree or say ‘no’ to them?

Does someone stop you from having any money for yourself?

Are you at any time stopped from having medical assistance?

Did anyone pressure or force you to do sexual things that you don’t want to do?

Does someone often put you down, humiliate you, or make you feel worthless?Does someone often put you down, humiliate you, or make you feel worthless?

Does anyone try to stop you from seeing your own friends or family?

Does anyone constantly accuse you of things when this isn’t true?

Has anyone scared or hurt you by being violent (like hitting, choking, smashing things, locking

you in, driving dangerously to frighten you)

Has anyone threatened to hurt you, or to kill him or herself if you say you want to end the

relationship?

Tell someone you trust

Understand that the abuse was not your fault.

Express forgiveness towards the abuser

Create a loving and supportive network of friends

Seek counseling

If you have a “yes” to any one of those questions,you are probably being abused.

Get Help!!

ACTIVITIESActivity OneWrite a letter of forgiveness to your abuser. Explore why you wish to forgive them and how the

abuse has affected you.

Write a letter of apology to your victim. Explain why you are asking for their forgiveness and

how would it feel to be a victim yourself.

Remember it is important to forgive and seek apology in order to move on

Activity TwoDevise you own safety plan from physical abuse

Activity Three

I, (fill in name), promise myself, future and current partners to maintain relationships that are

based on respect, equality, trust and honest communication. I will value my partner’s boundaries

online and behind closed doors. I will never engage in any type of abuse -- physical, emotional,

sexual, financial or digital.

If one of my friends experiences abuse, i pledge to help them by saying something, modeling

healthy communication and connecting them to resources.

I pledge to remember, demonstrate and promote the fact that love is respect. (Adopted from love I pledge to remember, demonstrate and promote the fact that love is respect. (Adopted from love

is respect)

Signature

Dating Pledge

SIGN THE DATING PLEDGE

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Activity Five

Your boyfriend goes through all your emails and mobile text messages. What do you think of his actions? If

you do not like his behavior, what can you do to stop him?

Your girlfriend makes you spend all of your pocket money on buying stuff for her. Do you think she is being

fair? Discuss with your group if you agree or disagree.

Have a look at the cycle of abuse. Identify and discuss the abusive behavior and various phases of abuse.

At which phase do you think its possible to break the cycle?

CASE SCENARIO

BREAK THE CYCLE OF ABUSE

Abuser apologizes for abuse, promises it won’t happen againBlames victim for provoking the abuseDenies the abuse took place or says itwasn’t as bad as the victim claimsGive gifts to the victim

Abuser starts to get angryMinor incidents of abuse beginCommunication breaks downVictim feels the need to keep the abuser calmTension becomes too muchVictim/family members feel like Victim/family members feel like they are “walking on egg shells”

Abuser acts like the abuse never happenedNo abuse is taking placeSome promises made during the reconciliation/making-up phases are being metVictim hopes the abuse is overVictim hopes the abuse is over

Physical

Sexual

Emotional

CASE SCENARIO

Activity Four

Rita aged 16 always comes to school with unexplained bruises over her body parts. Do you think she could

be a victim of dating violence? Discuss with your group why or why not.Do you think, this could be some

other kind of abuse?

CASE SCENARIO

ABUSEOCCURS

RECONCILIATION / MAKING-UP

CALM

TENSION- BUILDING

REFERENCESBullying Definition | StopBullying.gov. (n.d.).Home | StopBullying.gov. Retrieved from http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/index.html

Bullying | ReachOut.com Australia. (n.d.).Home | ReachOut.com Australia. Retrieved from http://au.reachout.com/Bullying

Bullying: What is it? - Facts about bullying - Over 14 - Take a stand together. (n.d.).Take A Stand. Retrieved from http://www.takeastandtogether.gov.au/over14/facts/what-is-bullying.html

Bullying.(n.d.).My Recovery Network. Retrieved from Bullying.(n.d.).My Recovery Network. Retrieved from http://www.myrecoverynetwork.com/?page=Bullying

Child Abuse Definition.(n.d.).International Child Abuse Network. Retrieved from http://www.yesican.org/defined.html

Dr. Sara Blog: Use Bully Circle In Your Training. (n.d.).Dr. Sara Blog. Retrieved from http://drsarablog.blogspot.sg/2012/06/use-bully-circle-in-your-training.html

Elsevier.(n.d.).Elsevier. Retrieved from http://www.jpedhc.org/article/S0891-5245(09)00208-9/abstract

Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them.(n.d.).Essential Life Skills for Personal DevelopmentHealthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them.(n.d.).Essential Life Skills for Personal Developmentand Growth.Retrieved from http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/personalboundaries.html

Home | StopBullying.gov.(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.stopbullying.gov/resources-files/youth-leader-toolkit.pdf

Home | StopBullying.gov.(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.stopbullying.gov/resources-files/youth-leader-toolkit.pdf

Kids Helpline - Sexting.(n.d.).Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800. Retrieved from Kids Helpline - Sexting.(n.d.).Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800. Retrieved from http://www.kidshelp.com.au/grownups/getting-help/cyberspace/sexting.php

Learning and Violence - Welcome. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.learningandviolence.net/helpothr/SettingPersonalBoundaries.pdf

Personal Worksheet: How Healthy are your Boundaries? | Conflict Solutions. (n.d.).Conflict Solutions. Retrieved from http://conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com/personalityconflicts/personal-worksheet-3-how-healthy-are-your-boundariesare-your-boundaries

Resources For Teens. (n.d.).Home. Retrieved from http://www.prevnet.ca/BullyingResources/ResourcesForTeens/tabid/389/Default.aspx

Singapore Children's Society - Bully-Free Campaign.(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.bullyfreecampaign.sg/

Stand UP: Bullying and Inclusion. (n.d.).Stand UP. Retrieved from http://standup.bbyo.org/causes/bullying_and_inclusion/

The Bully Project.(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.thebullyproject.com/The Bully Project.(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.thebullyproject.com/

The Importance of Personal Boundaries | Psych Central.(n.d.).Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD and psychology information. Retrieved from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/the-importance-of-personal-boundaries/

What Is Child Abuse and Neglect? (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/whatiscan.cfm

Attention Problems Mediate the Association Between Severity of Physical Abuse and Aggressive Behaviorin a Sample of Maltreated Early Adolescents The Journal of Early Adolescence October 2011 31: 714-734, in a Sample of Maltreated Early Adolescents The Journal of Early Adolescence October 2011 31: 714-734, first published on June 11, 2010 doi:10.1177/0272431610373102

The Role of Adolescent Physical Abuse in Adult Intimate Partner Violence J Interpers Violence December 201126: 3773-3789, first published on May 20, 2011 doi:10.1177/0886260511403760

Ann Frisén, Tove Hasselblad, Kristina Holmqvist, What actually makes bullying stop? Reports from former victims, Journal of Adolescence, Volume 35, Issue 4, August 2012, Pages 981-990, ISSN 0140-1971, 10.1016/j.adolescence.2012.02.001. (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140197112000061)

Espelage, D. L., Pigott, T. D., &Polanin, J. R. (2012, March). A meta-analysis of school-based bullying Espelage, D. L., Pigott, T. D., &Polanin, J. R. (2012, March). A meta-analysis of school-based bullying prevention programs' effects on bystander intervention behavior.School Psychology Review, 41(1), 47+. Retrieved from http://go.galegroup.com.ezproxy.lib.monash.edu.au

Bruce Fisher, Jane Berdie, Adolescent abuse and neglect: Issues of incidence, intervention and service delivery, Child Abuse & Neglect, Volume 2, Issue 3, 1978, Pages 173-192, ISSN 0145-2134, 10.1016/0145-2134(78)90026-1. (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0145213478900261)

USEFUL LINKS & WEBSITEShttp://www.stopbullying.gov

http://www.takeastandtogether.gov.au

http://www.thebullyproject.com/

http://www.bullyfreecampaign.sg/

http://au.reachout.com/Bullying

http://www.stopdatingviolence.org/

http://www.loveisrespect.org/http://www.loveisrespect.org/

http://kidshealth.org/teen/