presented by: Monica Thorpe and Cassie Fredendall

Men and Women in Men and Women in ConversationConversation

2 May 2007

To determine the different roles that men and women play in conversation

To examine the reasons why they play those roles

To see if what we are reading connects with the opinions of people we interviewed

ObjectivesObjectives

A Look Back . . .A Look Back . . .A woman’s tongue wags like a lamb’s tail. (English proverb)

The North Sea will sooner be found wanting in water than a woman at a loss for a word. (Jutland's proverb)

“The vocabulary of a woman as a rule is much less extensive than that of a man.” (Jespersen, 1922)

A whistling sailor, a crowing hen and a swearing woman ought all three to go to hell together. (American proverb)

Many women, many words; many geese, many turds. (English proverb)

“One tongue (language) is sufficient for a woman.” (Milton)

Silence is the best ornament for a woman. (English proverb)

Questions1. In one-on-one conversations between men and women

, who talks more? Why do you think this?2. In social groups with both men and women present, w

ho talks more? Why do you think this?3. What kind of role does each sex play in a one-on-one

conversation (who talks, who listens, who questions, who lectures)?

4. How can you tell if the opposite sex is listening to you?5. How often do you feel the opposite sex listens to you?

How often do you feel the same sex listens to you? 6. In one-on-one conversations between men and women

who interrupts more?

7. Do men and women view conversation differently? What is the purpose of conversation for each sex?

8. Would you rather tell your problems to a man or a woman? How would you expect each sex to react?

VocabularyVocabulary

Sociolinguistics: the study of language in its social context

Stylistic Variation: in different social contexts an individual will speak in different ways

Social Variation: speakers who differ from each other in terms of age, sex, social class, and ethnic group will also differ from each other in speech, even in the same social context

Vernacular: speech used spontaneously among people who know each other well

Women as a Social GroupWomen as a Social Group

Accept (Inferior Status)Accept (Inferior Status)

Intra-group comparison: women compare themselves with other women in order to achieve a positive self-image, areas of comparison may include things such as cooking, sewing, child-care, and personal appearance

Tokenism: join superior group, a women will attempt individually to leave the women’s group and become accepted by men, a woman who operates successfully in the men’s world and for all purposes becomes a man, this may occur in business circles and politics

Reject (inferior status)Reject (inferior status) Assimilation: women assimilate into the

dominant group, may use deeper voices, swear and use taboo language, adopt a more aggressive style, etc.

Redefining negative characteristics: women change negative images into positive ones, stress the value of stereotyped female qualities (gentleness, caring, etc) and point out that male qualities (assertiveness, aggression, etc) are not always socially useful

Create new dimensions for comparison: women groups with no clear leaders, do not follow male norms

The Differences: Body The Differences: Body LanguageLanguage

Men Take up more physical

space when sitting or standing, with arms and legs stretched out away from their body

Gesture away from the body

Assume more reclined positions when sitting and lean backward when listening

Approach women more closely in terms of their personal space

Women Take up less physical

space, sitting with arms and legs toward their body

Gesture toward the body

Assume more forward positions when sitting and lean forward when listening

Do not approach men as closely in terms of their personal space

The Differences: Facial The Differences: Facial ExpressionsExpressions

Men Tend to cock their

head to one side and look at the other person from an angle when listening

Provide fewer facial expressions in feedback and fewer reactions

Display frowning and squinting when listening

Stare more in negative interaction

Women Tend to look at the

other person directly facing them with their head and eyes facing forward when listening

Provide more facial expressions and more reactions

Display smiling and head nodding when listening

Lower their eyes more to avert gaze in negative interaction

The Differences: Speech The Differences: Speech PatternsPatterns

Men Speak in a louder voice Use loudness to emphasize

points Sound more monotonous

in speech; use approximately 3 tones when talking

Interrupt others more and allow fewer interruptions

Disclose less personal information about themselves

Make direct accusations (“You don’t call.”)

Women Speak in a softer voice Use pitch and inflection to

emphasize points Sound more emotional in

speech; use approximately 5 tones when talking

Interrupt others less and allow more interruptions

Disclose more personal information about themselves

Make more indirect statements; use why, which sounds like nagging (“Why don’t you ever call?”)

The Differences: Speech The Differences: Speech Patterns, cont.Patterns, cont.

Men Make more direct

statements Use less intensifiers Make more declarative

statements Use more interjections

when changing topics Ask fewer questions to

stimulate conversation Rarely discuss their

personal life in business Swear more

Women Make more indirect

statements Use more intensifiers, such

as few, so, really, much, quite

Make more tentative statements and use “tag endings” or upward inflections which make statements sound like questions

Use more conjunctions when changing topics

Ask more questions to stimulate conversations

Establish more business relationships by discussing their personal life

Swear less than men

Excerpted from the bookHe Says, She Says: Closing the Communication Gap Between the Sexes

by Dr. Lillian Glass. Putnam, 1992.

Why we talk . . .Why we talk . . .“For most women, the language of

conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. Emphasis is placed on displaying similarities and matching experiences.”

“For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. This is done by exhibiting knowledge and skill, and by holding center stage through verbal performance such as storytelling, joking or imparting information.” Tannen, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in

Conversation, 77.

Hope for the futureHope for the future

“What is the hope for the future? Must we play out our assigned parts to the closing

act? Although we tend to fall back on habitual ways of talking, repeating old

refrains and familiar lines, habits can be broken. Women and men both gain by

understanding the other gender’s style, and by learning to use it on occasion.”

-Deborah Tannen

BibliographyBibliography

Clark, Virginia P., Escholz, Paul A., and Rosa, Alfred F. Language: Readings in Language and Culture. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s Press, 1998.

Coates, Jennifer. Women, Men and Language. New York: Longman, 1986.

Glass, Lillian. He Says, She Says: Closing the Communication Gap Between the Sexes. New York: Perigee Books, 1993.

Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York: Ballantine Books, 1990.

Tannen, Deborah. Gender and Discourse. New York: Oxford University Press, 1994.