Presentation of Self on Online Dating sites

Dr. Monica WhittyQueen’s University Belfast

m.whitty@qub.ac.ukInvited talk: Bath University ESRC series: 30th

Janurary 2006

Personal Ads

• “Reminiscent of a heterosexual stock market"

• Favourable traits

• Stereotypical sex role characteristics were valued commodities

Strategic advertisers

• Offer characteristics the opposite sex will find appealing Whitty & Carr 2006; Whitty, forthcoming).

Exchange theory

• Individuals pursue relationships with others only so long as they are satisfying in terms of the overall rewards and costs.

Self-disclosure

I'm sometimes sick at heart from falling out of love with those I grew to care for enough that I stopped risking their health. I have a Herpes virus infection with yearly outbreaks. I would like to meet a woman who shares this difficulty…

Plea for honesty

Wealthy, entrepreneurial, fun loving, energetic, playful, said to be handsome, single WM, thirtyish. Seeks cute, young, petite, single WF for travel-mate and all around companion. No B.S., no gold-diggers, sincere only need apply…

Selective truth telling

• e.g., individuals only advertised their weight when it was socially desirable.

• e.g., single women with children tended to omit any mention of having children in their personal ads.

Video dating

• Matching hypotheses

• Gender differences

Finding the ‘ideal’ partner

• Presenting a realistic picture of themselves will, in turn, lead to finding the ‘ideal’ partner

• Discrepancy between their ideal partner and the person who is realistically interested in their profile.

Perfect match or Numbers game?

• Copious amounts of time writing/re-writing profiles

• Send many emails out hoping someone will respond

Gender defined lies

• Women: photos, weight

• Men: height, SES

Theories on self online

• Turkle (1995): liberating space for individuals

• Gergen (2000):self becomes saturated with too many identities

Online romantic relationships

• Safe space to ‘play at love’ (Whitty, 2003).

• Joinson (2004): low self-esteem individuals

• Bargh & McKenna: true selves

• Cyberspace is not one generic space (Whitty, 2003; Whitty & Carr, 2006)

My theory:

• Experiment with identities and feel safe to flirt

• Depth and breadth

• A need to present an ‘attractive’ but ‘real/actual’ self (Whitty, 2004, 2006, forthcoming)

References

Whitty, M. T. (2003). Cyber-flirting: Playing at love on the Internet. Theory and Psychology, 13 (3), 339-357.

Whitty, M T. (2004). Shopping for Love on the Internet: Men and Women's experiences of using an Australian Internet dating site. Communication Research in the Public Interest: ICA, New Orleans, USA, May 27-31, 2004.

Whitty, M. T. & Carr, A. N. (2006). Cyberspace romance: The psychology of online relationships. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan.

Whitty, M. T. (forthcoming). The joys of online dating. In E. Konjin, T. Martin., S. Utz, & A. Linden. (Eds.), Mediated Interpersonal Communication. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Whitty, M. T. (forthcoming). Manipulation of self in cyberspace. In B. H. Spitzberg, & W. R. Cupach. (Eds.), The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication (second edition). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates

Whitty, M. T. (forthcoming). Love letters: The development of romantic relationships throughout the ages. In A. N. Joinson, K. Y. A. McKenna, T. Postmes, and U. R. Reips. (Eds.), Oxford Handbook of Internet Psychology. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Whitty, M. T., Baker, A. J., & Inman, J. A. (Eds.) (in preparation). Online matchmaking. Palgrave Macmillan. To be published in 2006