Introduction

Ideal marriage life does not happen by chance or by intuition, it is the outcome of the cautious creation of aptitudes, the vigilant cultivation of values, the planned formation of personalities, the filtered imparting of knowledge and finally t h e g r a c e f u l a n d d i v i n e l y a s s i s t e d implementation of the acquired traits in the life situation.

A total integrated formation includes spiritual

Preparation for the

Sacrament of Marriage

formation with the opportune and frequent reception of the sacraments, Eucharistic adoration, family and personal prayers, popular devotions and the daily bible reading. Another important feature of the preparation is the process of seeking out in prayer, the spouse chosen by God and be conscious of the laws of the Church for celebrating the Sacrament of Marriage.

Remote, Proximate and Immediate preparation of Marriage

Discernment of and preparation for marriage begins early in life. St. John Paul in his Apostolic Exhortation 'Familiaris Consortio', identifies three stages of preparation for marriage: remote, proximate, and immediate.

1. Remote preparation includes infancy, childhood and adolescence and takes place first in the family and then in the school and formation groups. In this period, respect for all authentic human values both

in interpersonal and social relations are transmitted and instilled and there takes place the formation of character, self-control and self-esteem, the proper use of one's inclinations, and respect for persons of the other sex.

2. The period of proximate preparation generally coincides with the period of youth. Prox imate preparat ion is a continuation of the catechesis and other l i f e -o r ien ta t ion p rogrammes. Th is preparation includes awareness and evaluation of the natural requirements of the interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman in God's plan for marriage and the family. This is to offer the occasions for personal assessment of the basic elements of psychological, pedagogical, legal and medical requirements for marriage and family life.

3. The immediate preparat ion for the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony should take place in the months and weeks immediately preceding the wedding. This preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage should be the culmination of a catechesis, which helps engaged couples to retrace their sacramental journey, intelligently.

Choice of the felicitous spouse

1. Finding the right life-partner requires sp i r i t ua l sens i t i v i t y, ma tu r i t y and preparation - including preparing oneself to be the r i gh t spouse . Wh i l e f a l se expectations and illusionary ideas created by movies, television programmes and social media, mislead one group of young people in their choice of the spouse, another group choose their partner for convenience over convictions. 'Soul mates' a re sought w i th a l l d i l igence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life

can be most compatible and beautiful, while it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.

2. While considerations like good looks, sound profession, residential comforts and family status can guide the choice of the spouse, the leading principles in this process are to be the religion, the culture, the language, the practice of faith, emotional, behavioural and intellectual compatibility between the future partners and their keenness to take up the responsibilities of family life.

3. The role of the parents and of the other family members in the process of choosing the life partner is more often questioned and is on the decline. The debate on who decides the future spouse is better replaced by the exploration into methods of help and support of the parents to their children in choosing future partner. Our culture and tradition entrusts the parents with the obligation to marry off their children when they are in marriageable age and thus together with their children, the parents have expectations and ideas about the new member in their family through the sacrament of marriage.

Sacrament of Marriage according to the Laws of the Church

Natural law tells us that every single person has the right to marry to form family. Recognizing this right, the Church exhorts its young people to get married. There are certain regulatory guidelines that the Church helps people with, called impediments (hindrance or obstruction). The Church does these not because she is mean, but she wants to protect her children from a lifelong hardship and to avoid abuses and mistakes.

Holy Mother Church is our Mother. She wants what is best for her children and what will bring them happiness and fulfillment. Hence, the Catholic Church has established some rules which concern the partners' fitness for marriage, the consent and the celebration of the marriage itself. There are 3 types of rules:

1. The fitness for marriage:

This would mean that the couple must be capable of being married – that is, they must be a woman and a man who are free of any impediment that would prevent the marriage. Impediments are those elements which renders the marriage invalid or illicit. Impediments are either 'diriment' – i.e. which invalidate an attempted marriage, or 'prohibitive' – i.e. which make a marriage illicit but valid.

The 'diriment' impediments renders marriage invalid, i.e. the marriage bond does not exist. These invalid marriages are usually declared by the ecclesial tribunal as null and void and never a completed marriage. The diriment impediments are:

a. Age

The Church cautions the pastors of parishes to dissuade young people from marrying at an earlier age than that which the good and intelligent people of

Finding the right life-partnerrequires spiritual sensitivity, maturity and preparation - including preparing oneself to be the right spouse.

Remote, Proximate and Immediate preparation of Marriage

Discernment of and preparation for marriage begins early in life. St. John Paul in his Apostolic Exhortation 'Familiaris Consortio', identifies three stages of preparation for marriage: remote, proximate, and immediate.

1. Remote preparation includes infancy, childhood and adolescence and takes place first in the family and then in the school and formation groups. In this period, respect for all authentic human values both

in interpersonal and social relations are transmitted and instilled and there takes place the formation of character, self-control and self-esteem, the proper use of one's inclinations, and respect for persons of the other sex.

2. The period of proximate preparation generally coincides with the period of youth. Prox imate preparat ion is a continuation of the catechesis and other l i f e -o r ien ta t ion p rogrammes. Th is preparation includes awareness and evaluation of the natural requirements of the interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman in God's plan for marriage and the family. This is to offer the occasions for personal assessment of the basic elements of psychological, pedagogical, legal and medical requirements for marriage and family life.

3. The immediate preparat ion for the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony should take place in the months and weeks immediately preceding the wedding. This preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage should be the culmination of a catechesis, which helps engaged couples to retrace their sacramental journey, intelligently.

Choice of the felicitous spouse

1. Finding the right life-partner requires sp i r i t ua l sens i t i v i t y, ma tu r i t y and preparation - including preparing oneself to be the r i gh t spouse . Wh i l e f a l se expectations and illusionary ideas created by movies, television programmes and social media, mislead one group of young people in their choice of the spouse, another group choose their partner for convenience over convictions. 'Soul mates' a re sought w i th a l l d i l igence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life

can be most compatible and beautiful, while it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.

2. While considerations like good looks, sound profession, residential comforts and family status can guide the choice of the spouse, the leading principles in this process are to be the religion, the culture, the language, the practice of faith, emotional, behavioural and intellectual compatibility between the future partners and their keenness to take up the responsibilities of family life.

3. The role of the parents and of the other family members in the process of choosing the life partner is more often questioned and is on the decline. The debate on who decides the future spouse is better replaced by the exploration into methods of help and support of the parents to their children in choosing future partner. Our culture and tradition entrusts the parents with the obligation to marry off their children when they are in marriageable age and thus together with their children, the parents have expectations and ideas about the new member in their family through the sacrament of marriage.

Sacrament of Marriage according to the Laws of the Church

Natural law tells us that every single person has the right to marry to form family. Recognizing this right, the Church exhorts its young people to get married. There are certain regulatory guidelines that the Church helps people with, called impediments (hindrance or obstruction). The Church does these not because she is mean, but she wants to protect her children from a lifelong hardship and to avoid abuses and mistakes.

Holy Mother Church is our Mother. She wants what is best for her children and what will bring them happiness and fulfillment. Hence, the Catholic Church has established some rules which concern the partners' fitness for marriage, the consent and the celebration of the marriage itself. There are 3 types of rules:

1. The fitness for marriage:

This would mean that the couple must be capable of being married – that is, they must be a woman and a man who are free of any impediment that would prevent the marriage. Impediments are those elements which renders the marriage invalid or illicit. Impediments are either 'diriment' – i.e. which invalidate an attempted marriage, or 'prohibitive' – i.e. which make a marriage illicit but valid.

The 'diriment' impediments renders marriage invalid, i.e. the marriage bond does not exist. These invalid marriages are usually declared by the ecclesial tribunal as null and void and never a completed marriage. The diriment impediments are:

a. Age

The Church cautions the pastors of parishes to dissuade young people from marrying at an earlier age than that which the good and intelligent people of

Finding the right life-partnerrequires spiritual sensitivity, maturity and preparation - including preparing oneself to be the right spouse.

a country commonly hold to be the proper age. Our country has 21 years and 18 years for man and women respectively. Before that age the Church does not recognize any marriage.

b. Impotence

Impotence is the lack of the physical capacity for sexual union.

If either the man or the woman is unable to consummate and complete the mar r iage, they cannot cont rac t marriage. This cannot be dispensed from, but the Church still is merciful. We will never tell people to 'make sure before marriage!' Unless the spouse had been deceived and seeks an annulment, the Church will assume a valid marriage.

c. Prior marriage bond

If either party has a living spouse, marriage cannot be contracted. The Church cannot dispense from this, but again, she is very merciful. May be the spouse is tricked. The Church says, “Come talk to me, we can work on getting an annulment.”

d. Consanguinity (relationship by blood)

The Church does not consider marriage between near blood relations proper, and science confirms the prudence of the judgment of the Church; for it is commonly admitted by science that marriage between near relations is often dangerous to the life and health of the offspring. The Church, therefore, rules that the blood relations within four degrees or genera t ions cannot intermarry.

e. Affinity (relationship by marriage)

Since relationship by marriage is considered by the Church as sacred as the tie of blood, she does not recognize marriage within the first two degrees with the kindred of a deceased wife's blood

relat ions and vice versa. As the relationship by marriage is not as close as that by blood, the prohibition of the Church, extends only to the first and second degree relations.

f. Violent abduction or detention

The church will not consider a marriage where a person is abducted or confined by force with the intention to make him/her to marry.

g. Conjugicide (killing the spouse)

This happens when one, with a view to marry a certain person, kills that person's lawfully married spouse. You cannot kill your spouse to marry someone else, kill someone else's spouse in order to marry her, or conspire with your paramour to kill one of your spouses!

h. Sacred orders and Perpetual vow of Chastity

An ordained Catholic minister (bishop, pr iest , deacon) cannot contract marriage! In the same manner, a religious sister or brother who took the final vow of chastity cannot get married.

i. Disparity of Worship

A marriage between a Catholic and a non-baptized person is invalid, unless this impediment is dispensed by the Bishop under some conditions.

j. Public impropriety/Public shame

The living together without marriage (cohabiting) or after a court marriage or marriage in a temple or mosque or in a non-Catholic Church invites impediment unless dispensed by the Bishop

k. Spiritual Relationship

By being the God-parents or Sponsors of a Baptism, there exists a spiritual bond between the baptised and his/her parents. Any marriage between them is invalid

l. Legal Adoption:

All laws regarding blood relationship are applied to a person who is legally adopted. Therefore, anyone who has adopted children has to follow all rules just as their own offspring.

2. Freely given Consent:

The couple must give their consent to be married – that is, by an act of their will, expressed through words or signs, they irrevocably give and accept one another in order to establish marriage. The matrimonial consent is an act of the will by which each party gives and accepts the perpetual and exclusive right to the body, for the performance of actions that of their nature pertain to the procreation of children. The consent must be a free act of the will, and

must be manifested by words.

3. The valid form of the celebration of marriage:

They must follow the canonical form for marriage – that is, they must be married according to the laws which has been established by the Church so that the Church and the wider community will be certain about the validity of their marriage. The canonical form requires that the partners express their consent publicly, before the parish priest or any other authorized priest and two witnesses.

Conclusion

By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in the most profoundly indissoluble manner. Young men and young ladies should pray to God for guidance that they may be illumined by the Holy Spirit, so that they may not seek sensual satisfaction and pleasure in marriage without regard to God's law and the purpose for which God sanctioned the marriage state and that they may not be misled by the world and worldly motives in the choice of a partner.

Catholic marriage is a sacred and Holy Sacrament, because the Christian family has for its purpose to raise children and to educate them in such manner that they may be a credit both to human society and to the Church. God must be taken into counsel, for the Saviour says that without Him we can do nothing (cf. Jn. 15:5). It would be presumptions to take upon oneself the important duties of this Blessed Sacrament without consulting God. It would likewise be wrong, not to invite Jesus to the Sacrament of marriage, but He cannot be invited unless the parties prepare themselves in purity of conscience, in purity of intention, and in purity of body and soul long before the marriage, so as to be worthy of the honour of Christ's presence.

It would be presumptions to take upon oneself the important duties of this Blessed Sacrament without consulting God.

a country commonly hold to be the proper age. Our country has 21 years and 18 years for man and women respectively. Before that age the Church does not recognize any marriage.

b. Impotence

Impotence is the lack of the physical capacity for sexual union.

If either the man or the woman is unable to consummate and complete the mar r iage, they cannot cont rac t marriage. This cannot be dispensed from, but the Church still is merciful. We will never tell people to 'make sure before marriage!' Unless the spouse had been deceived and seeks an annulment, the Church will assume a valid marriage.

c. Prior marriage bond

If either party has a living spouse, marriage cannot be contracted. The Church cannot dispense from this, but again, she is very merciful. May be the spouse is tricked. The Church says, “Come talk to me, we can work on getting an annulment.”

d. Consanguinity (relationship by blood)

The Church does not consider marriage between near blood relations proper, and science confirms the prudence of the judgment of the Church; for it is commonly admitted by science that marriage between near relations is often dangerous to the life and health of the offspring. The Church, therefore, rules that the blood relations within four degrees or genera t ions cannot intermarry.

e. Affinity (relationship by marriage)

Since relationship by marriage is considered by the Church as sacred as the tie of blood, she does not recognize marriage within the first two degrees with the kindred of a deceased wife's blood

relat ions and vice versa. As the relationship by marriage is not as close as that by blood, the prohibition of the Church, extends only to the first and second degree relations.

f. Violent abduction or detention

The church will not consider a marriage where a person is abducted or confined by force with the intention to make him/her to marry.

g. Conjugicide (killing the spouse)

This happens when one, with a view to marry a certain person, kills that person's lawfully married spouse. You cannot kill your spouse to marry someone else, kill someone else's spouse in order to marry her, or conspire with your paramour to kill one of your spouses!

h. Sacred orders and Perpetual vow of Chastity

An ordained Catholic minister (bishop, pr iest , deacon) cannot contract marriage! In the same manner, a religious sister or brother who took the final vow of chastity cannot get married.

i. Disparity of Worship

A marriage between a Catholic and a non-baptized person is invalid, unless this impediment is dispensed by the Bishop under some conditions.

j. Public impropriety/Public shame

The living together without marriage (cohabiting) or after a court marriage or marriage in a temple or mosque or in a non-Catholic Church invites impediment unless dispensed by the Bishop

k. Spiritual Relationship

By being the God-parents or Sponsors of a Baptism, there exists a spiritual bond between the baptised and his/her parents. Any marriage between them is invalid

l. Legal Adoption:

All laws regarding blood relationship are applied to a person who is legally adopted. Therefore, anyone who has adopted children has to follow all rules just as their own offspring.

2. Freely given Consent:

The couple must give their consent to be married – that is, by an act of their will, expressed through words or signs, they irrevocably give and accept one another in order to establish marriage. The matrimonial consent is an act of the will by which each party gives and accepts the perpetual and exclusive right to the body, for the performance of actions that of their nature pertain to the procreation of children. The consent must be a free act of the will, and

must be manifested by words.

3. The valid form of the celebration of marriage:

They must follow the canonical form for marriage – that is, they must be married according to the laws which has been established by the Church so that the Church and the wider community will be certain about the validity of their marriage. The canonical form requires that the partners express their consent publicly, before the parish priest or any other authorized priest and two witnesses.

Conclusion

By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in the most profoundly indissoluble manner. Young men and young ladies should pray to God for guidance that they may be illumined by the Holy Spirit, so that they may not seek sensual satisfaction and pleasure in marriage without regard to God's law and the purpose for which God sanctioned the marriage state and that they may not be misled by the world and worldly motives in the choice of a partner.

Catholic marriage is a sacred and Holy Sacrament, because the Christian family has for its purpose to raise children and to educate them in such manner that they may be a credit both to human society and to the Church. God must be taken into counsel, for the Saviour says that without Him we can do nothing (cf. Jn. 15:5). It would be presumptions to take upon oneself the important duties of this Blessed Sacrament without consulting God. It would likewise be wrong, not to invite Jesus to the Sacrament of marriage, but He cannot be invited unless the parties prepare themselves in purity of conscience, in purity of intention, and in purity of body and soul long before the marriage, so as to be worthy of the honour of Christ's presence.

It would be presumptions to take upon oneself the important duties of this Blessed Sacrament without consulting God.