PREMARITAL SEMINAR

GRACE COMMUNITY CHURCH

STUDENT SYLLABUS

GRACE COMMUNITY CHURCH

PREMARITAL SEMINAR

SEMINAR SCHEDULE

FRIDAY

7:00 – 9:00 GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE ~ PAGE 1

COMMUNICATION ~ PAGE 4

SATURDAY

9:00 – 12:00 ROLE OF THE WIFE ~ PAGE 10

ROLE OF THE HUSBAND ~ PAGE 14

FRIDAY

7:00-9:00 PREVENTING AND RESOLVING CONFLICT ~ PAGE 17

SATURDAY

9:00-12:00 MONEY MATTERS ~ PAGE 21

PHYSICAL INTIMACY ~ PAGE 27

DISCUSSION

TEACHERS: BILL SHANNON

GEORGE SANDERS

TOM LEMAN

FOR COUPLES DESIRING TO BE MARRIED BY A PASTOR

OF GRACE CHURCH THE FOLLOWING STEPS ARE REQUIRED:

1. INTERVIEW WITH THE PASTOR

2. MEETINGS WITH A DISCIPLESHIP COUPLE

PREMARITAL MINISTRY

Introduction: The purpose of the premarital ministry is to assist couples (defined as a man and a

woman) to prepare themselves for a God-honoring, biblical marriage. Understanding the

confusion regarding marriage in the society and in much of the church, we believe this is an

important and necessary ministry. There are three elements in our approach to preparing couples

for marriage.

1. Two Weekend Seminar

This seminar will be held every two to three months on Friday night and Saturday morning. This

seminar will be led by three couples who will highlight key elements that couples need to know

in order to build their marriage on a biblical foundation.

Any couple may attend the seminar. Pastoral approval will not be necessary; however for

couples wishing to be married at Grace, attending this seminar will be required.

2. Pastoral Oversight

Couples wishing to be married at Grace Church must begin by meeting with a pastor. The pastor

will conduct an initial interview and, upon the pastor’s approval, he will assign them to a

discipleship couple. Assigning the couple to a discipleship couple does not mean the pastor is

agreeing to do the wedding, but he is agreeing to move forward with preparing the couple for

marriage. During the initial interview the pastor may ask the couple if they are willing to

postpone the wedding if the pastor has sufficient reason.

You must schedule a meeting with a pastor for approval. The pastor can schedule a meeting to

go over the questions with the couple or he can have the discipleship couple do this.

Additionally, you will be supplied with a copy of a booklet called Pre-Engagement: Five

Questions to Ask Yourself. Whether you are engaged or not you should read this pamphlet and

answer the questions.

The pastor may schedule as many subsequent meetings with the couple as he needs in order to

prepare for the wedding and he may request periodic feedback from the discipleship couples.

3. Discipleship Couples

The discipleship couples are an integral part of this ministry. The personal attention they can

provide to couples anticipating marriage is of great value. The discipleship couples should meet

at least five times with the engaged couple and use resources such as Wayne Mack’s Preparing

for Marriage God’s Way or Strengthening Your Marriage. More meetings can be scheduled and

certain subjects can be emphasized depending upon the needs of the engaged couples.

Conclusion: In the day in which we minister, one of the best ways to strengthen the church and

our witness in the world is through godly marriages that are committed to glorifying God and

joyfully submitting to the Biblical pattern. The premarital ministry is committed to contributing

towards this goal.

MODESTY IN WEDDINGS

Premarital Class

Grace Community Church

For the Christian couple, the marriage ceremony is a time to celebrate the providence of God in

bringing them together. It is a time to hear the requirements of a husband and wife from God’s

Word. It is a time to promise before God to fulfill His perfect plan for marriage. It is a time to

ask God for the grace needed to live in love for Him and for each other.

Because you are looking to the Lord for His blessing, it should be your desire to glorify Him in

every aspect of the ceremony. This can be accomplished through the handling of details such as

vows, music, and unity candle. On the other hand, each aspect also has the opportunity to draw

attention away from God, so you must purpose to keep Him the center. One common way in

which God is demoted to a secondary place is immodesty in the bridal party.

In today’s wedding, the bride has been elevated to the main attraction. While we understand this

joy and admiration, the bride and groom must not disregard Scripture’s clear teaching on

modesty (1 Tim. 2:9–10).

Because many modern styles in wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses are revealing and

immodest, the Grace Church pastoral staff has provided a few guidelines to help each bride and

bridesmaid be beautiful in modesty. These are not an inerrant standard, nor do they propose that

any different standards are necessarily sinful. Rather, these guidelines are intended to help keep

God first in all weddings at Grace Church.

Please use the list below when choosing gowns and dresses. All dresses:

Should have straps.

Should have necklines that completely conceal cleavage.

Should have sufficient covering on the back.

Should avoid excessive tightness.

All gowns and dresses must be of sufficient length.

Premarital Discipleship Couples

Santa Clarita Valley

Rich and Diana Hall: 661.297.2424

Carlos and Grace Chung: 661.476.9707

Peter and Kerry Dashnaw: 661.252.9687

San Fernando Valley

Don and Logan Carr: 818.832.8534

Richard and Karen Harasick: 818.352.0650

Los Angeles/Westchester

David and Devanee Niednagel: 818.261.89

Sang and Myung Kim: 310.440.3885

Simi Valley

Onnig and Marina Sayadian: 818.956.9382

Premarital Homework

Please take your time to thoroughly answer these questions. Write out your answers on a

separate piece of paper and share them with your Discipleship Couple or the Pastor marrying

you.

1. Describe your relationship. How do you think your partner would describe your

relationship?

2. List the strengths and weakness of your relationship. What can you do to strengthen

your relationship?

3. What will make any marriage more successful?

4. List your four favorite interests. Make a list of your partners interests and then

compare the lists. Where do your interests intersect? If they do not what do you need

to do to make that happen?

5. Discuss the differences between your families (ethnic, tradition, occupations, beliefs,

and values, views of politics and money, involvement in church).

6. What are your most basic core truths that drive you and your partner’s life? How are

those core truths different and how will they affect your marriage?

7. How would you describe your prayer life? How would you describe your time in

Bible study?

8. How is your communication with your partner? How does it need improvement?

What do you and your partner talk about most?

9. Is there anything you would not communicate to your partner? Do you experience

open and honest communication with your partner?

10. Write out your attitude and perceptions of sex in marriage.

11. Write out your ideas concerning birth control and childbearing. Do they agree with

your partners? Discuss when you would like to start a family and how many children

you plan to have. Are there differences? What are they?

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Premarital Counseling

GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION:

Before we get started I want to remind you that as we talk about marriage tonight, tomorrow and

in a few weeks we cannot and will not look at marriage isolated from a relationship to the Lord

Jesus Christ. The primary issue in your relationship today, tomorrow, the wedding day and every

day thereafter is your relationship to the Messiah. 2 Cor. 5:14-15

Your marriage will be the most intimate place where you demonstrate your relationship to Jesus

Christ. Are you committed to Him? Are you denying yourself? Are you committed to growing

spiritually?

THE SIX P’S OF THE COMMITMENT REQUIRED TO FULFILL GOD’S PLAN:

I. The PURPOSES of God for marriage.

II. The PRIORITY of the marriage relationship.

III. The PURITY of the marriage relationship.

IV. The PERSPIRATION required for marriage.

V. The PERMANENCE of marriage.

VI. The PREEMINENCE of God in the marriage.

I. Commitment to fulfilling God’s PURPOSES for the marriage relationship:

A. Companionship Gen 2:18; Mal. 2:14; 1 Pet. 3:7

1. Implications

2. Definition

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B. Comprehensive Partnership - Gen. 2:24c.

1. What it doesn't mean.

2. What it does mean.

C. Completion - Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:25-27

II. The PRIORITY

A. Leaving – Put off (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5; Eph. 5:31)

B. Cleaving – Put on

III. PURITY in the marriage relationship

A. In behavior

B. In thought life

C. In affections

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IV. PERSPIRATION in the marriage relationship.

V. PERMANENCE of the marriage relationship.

VI. The PREEMINENCE of God in the marriage.

A.

B.

C.

D.

E.

F.

G.

H.

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Premarital Counseling

COMMUNICATION

INTRODUCTION:

I. The greatest cause of trouble in marriage and interpersonal relationships is what?

A. Ultimately – selfishness

B. Functionally – poor communication II. A basic axiom: Wherever you find people who are experiencing harmonious

relationships, you will find people who are communicating effectively; and wherever

you find people who are experiencing severe difficulties in their relationship, you will

find people who are not communicating effectively (1 Peter 3:8-9).

A. Proverbs 11:9, 11

B. Proverbs 12:18

C. Proverbs 18:21

D. James 3 III. Effects of poor communication in marriage

A. Relationship is superficial and shallow.

B. Boredom sets in.

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C. Wise decision-making is thwarted (Proverbs 12:15, 11:14, 15:22)

D. Issues remain unclear.

E. Wrong ideas are uncorrected.

F. Disagreements turn into conflicts.

G. Conflicts remain unresolved.

IV. Definition of communication: It’s not an event, but a process.

A. A process of sharing information (Neh. 8:5-8)

B. The art of conveying information and meaning

C. A process of sharing information

*Good communication from God’s perspective is sending a message that is holy,

purposeful, clear and timely.

V. Four Helpful Principles of Communication (Eph. 4:25-32)

A. PRINCIPLE ONE - Be honest (v. 25)

1. Speak

a. A Greek imperative; i.e., a command: “You speak.”

b. Why? People cannot read our minds.

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2. Speak truth. (How)

a. The verb is present tense – continuous action

b. But honesty is more than not lying

c. Examples of dishonesty:

1) Exaggeration

2) Evasion

3) Half truth

4) Disguising

3. Speak truth lovingly

a. Be concerned with what you say

b. Be concerned with how you say it

c. Be concerned with how much you say

d. Be concerned with when you say it

4. Become a skilled listener Proverbs 18:13

B. PRINCIPLE 2 - Keep current (vv. 26, 27)

1. Failure to solve each day’s problems quickly is sin.

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2. Failure to solve problems quickly:

a. Causes resentment

b. Distorts problems

c. Endangers intimacy

d. Causes discouragement

3. Questions to ask before bringing up an issue:

a. Proverbs 18:13, 15 – “Do I have all the facts?”

b. Proverbs 27:6; Matthew 12:34b – “What is my motive or reason for

bringing it up?”

c. Matthew 7:1-5 – “Have I dealt with my own ‘logs’ first?”

d. Eph. 4:15; Proverbs 15:1 – “Are my words loving?”

e. Proverbs 15:23b, 25:11 – “Is my timing right?”

f. Proverbs 3:5 – “Have I prayed and asked God for wisdom and understanding?”

g. 1 Peter 4:8 – “Is this something my love can cover?”

C. PRINCIPLE 3 - Attack the problem, not the person (vv. 29, 30).

1. “Unwholesome word”

a. Words that tear down

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b. Words that don’t solve the problem

c. Words that grieve the Holy Spirit (Eph. 4:30)

2. Edifying words

a. Words that encourage (edify) Col. 4:6

b. Words that deal with what the person says or does

c. Words that help reach a solution

D. PRINCIPLE 4 - Act, don’t react (vv. 31, 32)

1. Attitudes and actions that must be put off

a. Bitterness

b. Wrath

c. Anger

d. Clamor

e. Slander – speech that injures; abusive speech

f. Malice – the desire to harm others or see them suffer

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g. Defensive attitude

3. Attitudes and actions that must be put on.

a. Kindness

b. Tender-hearted

c. Forgiveness

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Premarital Counseling

WIFE’S ROLE

INTRODUCTION:

The present problem concerning the wife's role –– There is a tremendous difference between the

Biblical ideal and the common practices today in the world and in the church – This doctrine is

disliked for at least these two reasons:

(1) Sinful rebelliousness of the human heart to authority. We think that true fulfillment and

happiness is found in being free to do whatever you want to do (1 Peter 2:16).

(2) We as individuals have a propensity to want to be boss.

1. People misunderstand what the headship of the husband means and misunderstand what

submission of the wife means.

The answer to this kind of thinking can be found in Psalm 1:1-2.

I. What Submission is NOT

A. Putting your husband in the place of Christ

B. Giving up independent thought and becoming intellectually stagnant

C. Letting your gifts lie stagnant

D. Giving up all efforts to influence husband

E. Being fearful of your husband

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F. Do nothing to protect herself from an unreasonable husband

G. Based on husband’s superiority or worthiness

II. What Submission IS:

Submission = to be on a mission under divinely appointed authority. You are willingly arranging

yourself under another person to fulfill a mission.

“The wife is ranked under her husband regarding authority in the home and in their marriage.”

(Martha Peace, Titus 2 Woman p. 130)

A. Respect

B. Love

C. Willing choice

D. Is a spiritual matter

E. Comprehensive

F. Not always fun

G. Orderly home

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H. Influencing her husband

I. A way of life for all believers

III. She is a HELPER (through faithful companionship) Gen 2:18

A. She complements her husband as his companion.

B. She uses her many gifts and abilities to assist her husband (Prov. 31:10-31)

C. She finds fulfillment in helping her husband in his service for God (1 Cor. 11:7-9)

1. Communicating in submission

2. Showing confidence in his decisions

3. Being grateful to him (Rom. 13:7)

4. Case study: Bad Decision

IV. She is a qualified HOMEMAKER (through active service)

A. In home ministry (Titus 2:4-5; Prov. 1:8; Eph. 6:1)

1. Walking with God

2. Walking and working with her husband (Prov. 31:12)

3. Walking and working with her children (if any) Titus 2:4

4. The home is the sphere in which she fulfills her God-given responsibilities.

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B. Outside-home ministry (Prov. 31)

1. Ministry

2. Evangelism

3. Employment (qualified)

C. Proverbs 31 Model

1. She makes the home a safe place (Prov. 31:10-31)

2. She is trustworthy and dependable (Prov. 31:11-12)

3. She is organized and productive (Prov. 31:13-14)

4. She is enterprising (Prov. 31:16-19)

5. She is generous as a neighbor (Prov. 31:20)

6. She is a teacher (Prov. 31:25-26)

7. She is blessed as a mother (Prov. 31:27-31)

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Premarital Counseling

HUSBAND’S ROLE

INTRODUCTION: I. Lover (Eph. 5:25-33)

A. Love Defined

1. Popular views

2. Biblical view (John 3:16; Eph. 5:25; Gal. 2:20)

B. Love Described

1. As Christ Loved the Church

Christ’s love is...

a. 1 John 4:19 – INITIATOR

b. Eph. 5:25; 2 Cor. 8:9; Phil. 2 – SACRIFICIAL

c. Rom. 5:8 – IN SPITE OF FAULTS

d. John 3:16; 1 John 3:18 – VISIBLE

e. Rom. 8:39 – UNCEASINGLY

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f. Col. 3:13, 19 – FORGIVING

g. Eph. 5:26-27 – CONSTRUCTIVE

2. As you love yourself

Includes:

Cherishing

Nourishing

II. Learner - 1 Peter 3:7

A. The Command

1. Takes time – spend time with the Lord and ask for wisdom.

2. Takes effort

a. Study yourself

b. Study godly women in the Bible to know what God expects

B. The Result

1. Show her honor

2. Recognize her as a fellow heir

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C. The Effect

1. Prayer will not be hindered

III. Leader (1 Cor. 11:3)

A. What Leadership is NOT

1. A dictatorship: Matt. 20:25-28

2. Godly leadership is not making all the decisions alone

3. Godly leadership is not following your wife

B. What Leadership Is

1. Example

a. Communication

b. Humility

c. Servanthood

IV. Things you can practically do:

1. Be others oriented

2. Be goal oriented

3. Solve problems biblically

4. Motivate her towards godliness

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Premarital Counseling PREVENTING AND RESOLVING CONFLICT

INTRODUCTION:

I. Exactly what is conflict?

A. Literally means to strike against, fight against

B. General Definition:

II. What does God think of conflict?

A. It is grievous (Matt. 5:21-22)

B. He wants His children to have no part in it

C. He wants His children to pursue peace (Rom. 12:18)

D. He wants His children to avoid needlessly or sinfully offending someone (1 Cor.

10:31-32)

E. God wants His children to love, pray for, and do good to those who sin against them

(Matt. 5:44-45; Rom. 12:21)

III. Where do conflicts come from?

A. Differences

B. Offenses

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C. Pride and the Flesh (Gal. 5:19-21; James 4:1-3)

IV. Benefits of Differences and Disagreements

A. Disagreements can encourage us to search the Scriptures (Psalm 119:71-72)

B. Disagreements can help us think carefully about how and what we think or what we

believe (Prov. 15:28)

C. Disagreements can help us work harder at communicating effectively (Eph. 4:25)

D. Disagreements can produce maturity and endurance (James 1:2-5)

E. Disagreements can help us sharpen one another (Prov. 27:17)

F. Disagreements can strengthen our faith in the truth that God is working all things

together for good (Rom. 8:28-29)

G. Disagreements give us opportunity to practice servanthood and preferring one another

(Phil. 2:2-4)

H. Disagreements give us opportunity to love and glorify God (1 Cor. 10:31-32)

V. How Do We Avoid Conflicts?

A. Some sinful ways to avoid conflict.

1. Just keep quiet (Eccl. 3:7b; Eph. 4:29-31; Col. 3:19)

2. Stay away from one another (John 15:12; 1 Peter 4:8)

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3. Change the subject (Prov. 12:22; 24:28)

4. Hide information, sins, or bitterness (Prov. 24:8)

B. Some God-honoring ways to avoid conflict

1. Seek to know your spouse well, appreciate him/her and understand his/her

perspective (1 Peter 3:7)

2. Gather plenty of data before speaking (Prov. 18:13, 17)

3. Pray, study and think about the issue before speaking, if possible

(Prov. 15:28)

4. Demonstrate and/or communicate your love and care at the time of

disagreement (Rom. 12:9-10)

5. Listen more than you speak, but do speak (James 1:19)

6. In matters of sin, approach your spouse in love (Eph. 4:15)

7. In matters of preference, prefer your spouse (Rom. 12:10)

8. In matters of wisdom and conscience, suggest searching the Scriptures and

getting godly counsel (Prov. 11:14; 2 Tim. 2:15)

9. Refuse to sin in your communication (Prov. 8:6-8)

10. Be more interested in God’s glory and the other’s good, rather than having

your own way, or being right (Josh. 22:5; Rom. 15:2)

11. Give a gentle and caring answer to their angry word (Prov. 15:1)

VI. Resolving Conflicts

A. Some sinful ways to resolve conflicts

1. Let time heal it (Matt. 5:23-24; Eph. 4:26)

2. Try to bury it. Yet you can’t forget it.

3. Pretend it never happened (Phil. 4:8a)

4. Wait for the other person to initiate the resolution process (Heb. 12:15)

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5. Punish the other person until they change and take the blame (Gal. 6:1; Rom.

12:9-20)

B. Biblical Ways to Resolve Conflict

1. Confess any sin that you are aware of to God (Psalm 139:23-24; 1 John 1:9-

10). Truly repent – a change of mind leads to a change in behavior.

2. Go to your spouse, ask forgiveness for each thing you did specifically and

discuss your plan not to do those things again (Eph. 4:32; James 5:16).

3. Express a desire to resolve the conflict fully and decide together when the best

time to do that would be (Prov. 15:28).

4. Come together at the appointed time. Don’t miss it!

5. Pray together for God’s wisdom, self-control, speech (Prov. 16:32;

James 1:5).

6. Review God’s rules of communication (Eph. 4:15; 26-32; James 1:19).

7. Each one should take a turn to confess any sin that has not been confessed (to

God and spouse), and ask forgiveness (Eph. 4:32; James 5:16; 1 John 1:9).

8. Begin discussing the issues that precipitate the conflict.

9. Decide what you agree upon (each takes a turn).

10. Decide what you do not agree upon (each takes a turn).

11. Decide what kind of issue(s) you are dealing with (each offers input).

12. Decide on specific steps to resolve the issue (each offers input).

13. Together, begin carrying out the appropriate steps to resolve the issue.

14. Decide if and when you need to discuss the issue again.

15. End your time together with prayer and an expression of love.

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Premarital Counseling

MONEY MATTERS

INTRODUCTION:

I. Your attitude toward money

A. God owns and has control over all things.

Psalm 24:1 -- “The earth is the LORD'S, and all it contains, the world, and those who

dwell in it.”

Col. 1:16 -- “For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth,

visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things

have been created through Him and for Him.”

B. God entrusts what He owns to those whom He chooses

1 Cor. 4:7 – “What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it,

why do you boast as if you had not received it?”

He gives those things for our enjoyment, which is one of the major themes of

Ecclesiastes.

James 1:17 – “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the

Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

Deut. 8:18 - “You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who is giving you

power to make wealth…”

C. God requires faithfulness, and will hold us accountable.

Rom. 14:12 – “So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.”

1 Cor 4:2 – “In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found

trustworthy.”

Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30. Jesus tells the story of a master who

goes away on a journey and leaves each of his slaves with an amount of money –

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That’s what a talent is – It’s an amount of money. When the master returns he finds

that two of his slaves have doubled their money – They are praised and told that they

would receive a great reward. The 3rd

slave has buried his money and receives

condemnation from Jesus. Just so we are expected to be faithful and productive in the

handling of what God has given to us.

You will receive rewards both now (better living) and later.

1 Cor. 3:13-14 – “Each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it

because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each

man's work. If any man's work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a

reward.”

Our first priority then is to a life that is pleasing to the Lord. We are to commit

ourselves to doing, thinking, and desiring the things of the Lord. Seek first His

kingdom…

A working definition of Stewardship then might be Managing, Maintaining and

Making the most of all God has entrusted to us for the furtherance of His interests, as we

look forward to future reward. These things are entrusted to us so that we can accomplish

God’s purposes for God’s glory.

II. Your Management of Money – Practical Suggestions

A. Avoid Debt

Ice your credit cards

Pay Cash

Learn to spend less than you make

Pay your bills on time

Don’t finance anything unless it is going to increase in value

B. If you find yourself in debt, get out of it

1. Difficult to do

2. What can you do? Plastic surgery!

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3. Pay off the one with the highest interest rate with others which charge a lower

rate.

4. Budget each month an amount of money to pay off the debt.

C. Make a Budget

1. See the Wayne Mack Book for an example.

2. Both husband and wife need to be involved.

3. Not only make a budget, but follow it!

D. Save Money

1. Everyone should be saving a percentage of what they make!

2. We all should save a portion of our paychecks.

3. Once you take it out, invest it wisely.

4. This seems like a lot, but how much will you need when you retire?

5. So start saving early!

6. Some will say, my company will provide me with a pension plan.

7. Some consider their houses an investment. Is that really true?

E. Make sure that you are insured.

1. Minimum is health insurance and auto insurance.

2. Disability insurance and Long Term Care Insurance at age 50 should also be

considered.

F. When you buy something, plan the purchase wisely

An example of good planning would be to consider doing some of the following

for your next car purchase.

1. Make a list of what you “need” in a car and carefully compare every car

against that list as a way to avoid being lured by features that you don’t need.

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2. Make monthly “car payments” to yourself as a savings plan and do not buy a

car until you can pay cash for it.

3. Study the Consumer Reports annual automobile issue and find out about the

safety, reliability, cost of ownership, etc. of the vehicles you are considering.

4. Find out the actual cost of the vehicle (dealer invoice) and price shop against

multiple dealerships for the best price.

5. Consider buying a used car.

6. Consider not buying another car!

III. Our Money is Not Just for Ourselves

Remember – love of money leads to theft…theft of God (Mal. 3:8)

Prov. 3:9-10 “Honor the Lord from your wealth, and from the first of all your produce.”

2 Cor. 9:6-7 “He who sows sparingly shall also reap sparingly; and he who sows

bountifully will also reap bountifully. Let each one do just as he has purposed in his

heart; not grudgingly or under compulsion; for God loves a cheerful giver.”

1 Cor. 16:2 “On the first day of every week each one of you is to put aside and save, as

he may prosper, so that no collections be made when I come.”

A. Principles on how you give from 2 Cor. 9:6-7 and 1 Cor. 16:2

1. Sacrificial

2. Purposeful

3. Not Grudgingly

4. Regular (1 Cor. 16:2)

5. Proportional (1 Cor. 16:2)

6. Secretly

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Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken

together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For by your standard of measure it

will be measured to you in return.”

Practical Application/Suggestion: Have a “pool” of money that is set aside strictly to

meet other people’s needs. Every time you hear of a need, draw from that pool to meet

the need and then you fill that pool up again.

CONCLUSION:

The proper management of the money God has provided us with…

I. Is dependent upon Biblical principles

A. We need to learn these principles

B. We need to let our minds be renewed/changed by them

C. We need to repent in those areas where we are disobeying God – i.e. where we are acting contrary to those principles D. Once knowing the biblical principles, we need to obey them throughout our life.

II. Is dependent upon practical steps

A. We need to set financial goals and objectives

B. We need to take the necessary action steps to achieve those objectives and goals

III. Is dependent upon personal resolve

A. We have to desire to grow and change in the area of financial management.

B. We have to be committed to our goals and objectives.

C. We have to persevere

1. When we are weary

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2. When we fail

3. Even when we succeed!

Finally, our ability to properly manage our money…

IV. Is dependent on God’s strength

RESOLUTIONS:

I. Consciously acknowledge God’s ownership of your life and possessions.

II. Work hard. Pour yourself into whatever job God has given you.

III. Be honest in your dealings with money.

IV. Guard your heart against covetousness and materialism.

V. Meet current needs, then provide for the future (Luke 19:11-26…commends investing).

VI. Stay out of debt.

A. Don’t spend more than you make

B. Evaluate every expenditure – Prov. 21:5…plans of the diligent lead to advantage

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Premarital Counseling PHYSICAL INTIMACY

INTRODUCTION:

I. Sex in marriage is pure and holy. (First Principle)

A. Created by God before sin

B. Still called honorable after Fall (Heb. 13:4)

C. Any other view is sinful.

II. Sex is not the basis of marriage. (Second Principle)

A. Jesus settled this issue - John 4:16-18 with the woman at the well

B. Unity in marriage is more than sex.

C. Although sex is not the basis of marriage, it is still very important.

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III. The primary goal of sexual relationship is giving. (Third Principle)

A. Taught by 1 Cor. 7:3 - “Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also

the wife to her husband.”

1. Context

2. “fulfill” – or “render” in the KJV

3. “duty” – or “benevolence” in the KJV

4. Wife has the same command.

B. Taught by definition of love – GIVING.

1. Giving to get can be selfish.

2. Greatest pleasure is giving.

IV. God has created both husband and wife with equal ability to satisfy each other. (Fourth

Principle)

1 Cor. 7:4 - “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does;

and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife

does.”

A. “Authority” – (“power” in the KJV)

B. Both husband and wife have the same command.

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C. What about different levels of desire?

D. Sexual relationships are to be equal and reciprocal.

V. Pleasure in sex is not sinful and forbidden but rather assured and encouraged - Prov. 5:18-19

(Fifth Principle)

A. Delight in the person.

1. It says “wife” – but the principle applies to either mate

2. “loving hind and graceful doe” – these are graceful, beautiful animals

3. Picture the pleasantness of your mate.

B. Delight in the sexual relationship.

1. “breasts” – signifies sexual relationship

2. Sexual relationship is restricted to marriage

3. “satisfy” – thirst quenched

4. “exhilarated” (Ravished KJV) – intoxicated

5. 1 Cor. 7:3-4 – Each is to provide this kind of satisfaction for each.

VI. Sexual relations are to be regular and continuous.

1 Cor. 7:5 – “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may

devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of

your lack of self-control.”

A. “Depriving” – failure to “fulfill duty” for selfish reasons

B. Abstinence is by mutual consent.

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C. Frequency of sex

1. Enough to satisfy each other (1 Cor. 7:4, Prov. 5:19)

2. Enough to avoid temptation (1 Cor. 7:5)

3. Be considerate of each other (Phil. 2:3-4)

D. Limitation on sexual activity

1. Unselfish love must be the motive (1 Cor. 13:4-7).

2. Must be based on mutual agreement (Phil. 2:1-4).

3. Apply the principle of mutual authority (1 Cor. 7:2-5)

4. Do not cause your spouse to violate his/her conscience (Rom. 14:23).

5. Self-control in between – No self-fulfillment

VII. Wedding night expectations

VIII. Purity during the engagement

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Premarital Counseling

SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL

MARRIAGE

A. Jay Adams

Christian Living in the Home (Phillipsburg: P & R Publishing Co., 1972)

B. Randy Alcorn

1. The Purity Principle (Sisters: Multnomah Books, 2003)

2. The Treasure Principle (Sisters: Multnomah Books, 2001)

C. Dave Harvey

When Sinners Say I Do: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage

(Wapwallopen: Shepherd Press, 2007)

D. Gary Ricucci

Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace (Wheaton: Crossway, 2006)

E. Ed Wheat

Love Life (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1980)

MEN

A. Jay Adams

1. Christian Living in the Home (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1972)

2. From Forgiven to Forgiving (Wheaton: Victor, 1989)

3. How to Overcome Evil (Phillipsburg: Presbyterian & Reformed, 1977)

4. “What Do You Do When Your Marriage Goes Sour” (Pamphlet).

Available on the Internet at:

[http://www.ginesys.com/hbrpc/sourmarr.htm]

B. R. Kent Hughes

Disciplines of a Godly Man (Wheaton: Crossway, 1991)

C. John MacArthur

1. The Book on Leadership (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004)

2. Forgiveness: The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness (Wheaton: Crossway

1998)

3. The Fulfilled Family: God’s Design for Your Home (Nashville: Thomas

Nelson, 2008)

4. Twelve Ordinary Men (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2002)

5. Twelve Ordinary Men Workbook (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2003)

D. Wayne Mack

1. Homework Manual for Biblical Living, Volumes 1 & 2 (Phillipsburg:

Presbyterian & Reformed, 1979 – 1980)

2. Strengthening Your Marriage (Phillipsburg: Presbyterian & Reformed, 1977)

3. Your Family God’s Way (Phillipsburg: Presbyterian & Reformed, 1991)

E. Andrew Murray

Humility, Beauty of Holiness 1896

F. John Piper and Wayne A. Grudem, eds.

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical

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Feminism (Wheaton: Crossway, 1991)

G. Lou Priolo

The Complete Husband: A Practical Guide to Biblical Husbanding

(Amityville: Calvary Press, 1999)

H. Stuart W. Scott

1. The Exemplary Husband (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, Inc., 2000)

2. The Exemplary Husband Study Guide (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, Inc.,

2000)

3. The Exemplary Husband Teacher’s Guide (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing,

Inc., 2000)

I. Donald S. Whitney

Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1991)

WOMEN

A. Linda Dillow

1. Creative Counterpart (Nashville: Nelson, 1986)

B. John MacArthur, Jr.,

1. Divine Design (Wheaton: Victor Books, 1994)

2. Twelve Ordinary Women (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2005)

3. Twelve Ordinary Women Workbook (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2006)

C. Martha Peace

1. The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective (Bemidji, MN: Focus, 1995)

2. The Excellent Wife Study Guide (Bemidji, MN: Focus, 1995)

3. The Excellent Wife Teacher’s Guide (Bemidji, MN: Focus, 1995)

4. Becoming a Titus 2 Woman (Bemidji, MN: Focus, 1997)