portfolio

Final Portfolio:

Reevaluating Tasks Professor Horton

December 8, 2011

English 1101 Final Portfolio: Reevaluating Tasks

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Quality Comparison .........................................................................................................................4

Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4

Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6

“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................8

Revision Samples ...........................................................................................................................10

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................10

Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................14

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................16

Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................18

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................20

Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................25

1

December 8, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Kayleigh Feder and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. Looking back at the work I have done at the beginning of the semester, I have noticed the progress I have made as a writer compared to the work I have done at the end of the semester. I am impressed with how much I have grown as a writer thanks to your English 1101 class. Before I entered this class, I was unaware of my level of writing. After my receiving my first grade, I was shocked and unaware that I did so terribly on what should have been such a simple assignment. As the semester went on, my grades became higher and I was becoming more impressed with my grades. An example of my progress is by looking at the differences between my least successful article response original version compared to my most successful article response original version. The more I understood the assignment, the more effort I put into it. You can also tell my progress by looking at my revisions of my least successful article response. After revising the response, it looks like an entirely different paper. Overall, the process of writing and analyzing other author’s beliefs and ideas has made me grown as a writer because now I can analyze instead of simply telling a story or rewriting what the author’s article is saying. Reviewing my least successful article response now that I understand the assignment and know how to analyze an author, I see why I made 6 out of 10 on that assignment. The article was "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits” by Wendell Berry. The article is about how society found themselves to be limitless living in a planet with limits. For the opening sentence, I wrote “Indestructible: a word to describe something powerful and God-like.” For one, indestructible was not what the author believed society was. And the sentence was unneeded and did not get straight to what the point of the response was, which was to share what the author’s point of view was and why it is significant. The greatest challenge I had while writing this response was I did not know how to analyze an author’s article. I was unsure what was asked of me for my first college English assignment, and not asking for help was a major mistake. There were many weaknesses to this article response. The two paragraphs were not equal length and there were many grammatical errors. I also noticed I did not send the message of what the author’s point of view was and I failed to add quotes to the response. I found myself beating around the bush and typing unneeded sentences. By reviewing all these mistakes, I practically started from scratch and created a whole new response. My most successful article response was “Breaking the Spell of Money”, by Scott Russell Sanders. This article is about how Sanders believes humans are to blame for the end of the era of cheap fossil fuels. When I received my grade for this response, I was very impressed with myself

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for the 10 out of 10. Although I received a perfect score, I still noticed a few errors. While rereading my response, I noticed some of the sentences were long, wordy, and confusing. I also noticed in my revision, I used some words too often. The sentences became very repetitive and not interesting. My sentence structures were all about the same and my paragraphs became very boring. I found this revision to be the most difficult. It was hard for me to say even though I received a ten out of ten on this response, there are still problems to be found. I also did not want to make too many changes because I feared I would make my revisions mistakes. It was difficult to revise this even more because I was proud of my hard work on getting a ten. I worked the longest on this revision and yet have the least amount of revisions and comments on it compared to the rest. Overall, I am proud of my work and achieving 10 out of 10, but reevaluating it and making it even better was a whole different challenge that I need to work on. My most successful article essay was “To Accept What Cannot Be Helped,” by Ann Hulbert. In the article, Hulbert explains how the passing of her mother was a challenge, and how her family got through the grieving process. As I read this article, I noticed I had an experience that was almost the same issue Hulbert went through. I wrote this essay about the grieving process my good friend, Emily, went through when her guardian, her grandmother, passed away. The essay explains how I helped Emily through her hard time, and how it affected her in the long run. On this essay I received 82%. This was my first official college essay, and that made me work extra hard on it. When I received my grade back, I was anything but pleased. But as I made revisions this time around, I’m even surprised I received 82%. There were many grammatical errors in this essay, including missing words that made the sentence incomplete. I was shocked while revising, asking myself how I could have missed such a simple mistake. I changed around a topic sentence, and made a lot of word changes. Some sentences were very repetitive and some sentences were too wordy. I made the sentence structure better by changing those mistakes. I believe by revising this essay again, I made it significantly better. By reviewing my work from the beginning of the semester to now, I see a lot of growth as a writer thanks to this English 1101 class. Although I have grown, I still have many obstacles to overcome to become an even better writer. Some ongoing problems I still face are thinking of places to start my article. I had a difficult time coming up with personal stories that related to the author’s articles I read. Relating the author’s work to my personal experiences was something difficult for me to comprehend and think of on my own. Another problem I seemed to have issues with is coming up with a creative title for my work. I always thought I was more of a creative person, and when I found myself spending hours trying to figure out a simple title for my work, I was shocked. Simple tasks like coming up with a title were my biggest obstacles. Not only did this class make me see my weaknesses, I also created goals for myself for the future. I would like to become better at creating thesis’s and topic sentences. With stronger topic sentences and thesis’s, my papers will become stronger all around. I would also like to get better at focusing on one topic and only adding important information to my essays, not unnecessary information. Overall, this class has made me grown as a writer, but I still have a long way to go to achieve my goals. During this class, I managed to maintain a B throughout the semester. I believe by looking at my pieces in this portfolio, I would give myself a low B or even a C. With all my revisions, I believe my grade can rise up to a high A. With all the optional work I did and completing my work on

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time, I believe I should be very proud of my final grade. I saw throughout the semester, the more effort I put into a response or essay, the better my grade would be. Realizing I wanted my work to go beyond standards made me try harder for each assignment I had. I notice major differences between my first article response and my last article response I did in the class. Those differences are a prime example to show how much I have grown as a writer over this semester. Although this class has been challenging, it was also very beneficial for me as a writer. I corrected mistakes throughout the semester that I did not even know were mistakes. I also realize that I am not a perfect writer, but I am proud of my work that I worked hard on and received a grade that reflected my hard work and effort. Thank you for challenging me to work harder and showing my work can be improved. My first college English class is over, and I am proud to say I walked out with more knowledge then I thought I would have. Sincerely, Kayleigh Feder

4

Least Successful Article Response

As Lyrics is to Music as Earth is to Hell

Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's

Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 22 August 2011.

Indestructible: a word to describe something powerful and God-like. We as humans use

words like these carefully, but have we every thought of ourselves as indestructible? In the

article “Faustian economics: Hell hath no limits” written by Wendell Berry, that is how we are

portrayed, just not in the best of ways. Berry illustrates us as limitless; we spend, drive, and

waste. Confusing limitations with confinement is crucial in this world that we refuse to believe is

small. What will happen to our way of life when we simply run out of fossil fuels? We must give

up the idea that we are all-powerful beings to find our limits to our resources, minimize our

dependence on these resources, and re-examine our economic structure, Berry states. Our greed

and waste are the true reasons of global warming, according to Berry, and its time to use a new

strategy: use large profits to manufacture “biofuels” as ethanol from corn or switch grass to help

create a more environmentally friendly world. After all, as Berry says, we have no chance to

redo our experiments with bad agriculture and soil loss, so we should reconsider our decisions

and readjust our habits to make a better life for all.

Wendell Berry’s view on our society’s culture that is destroying our earth is alarming for

many. Berry’s points on how our greed is not only foolish but also the reason for global warming

are worth thinking about because our way of life could potentially diminish future generations.

Our culture says “there is always more” and we are get up and go people. The challenge of

examining our everyday lives such as driving anywhere and everywhere is difficult but it could

5

also be ending the era of cheap fossil fuels which is widely overlooked. Berry’s point of view

should be examined by all for it could open our eyes to our harmful ways and provide

alternatives in beginning a new culture of change.

6

Most Successful Article Response

Reexaming the Relivance of Resources

Sanders, Scott Russell. "Breaking the Spell of Money." Orion Magazine. Orion Magazine, Aug.

2011. Web. 11 Nov. 2011.

In the article “Breaking the Spell of Money”, Scott Russell Sanders argues that society is

destroying the planet. To support this argument, Sanders explains that human actions affect

natural resources and systems to the extent where they are now deteriorating. To further explain,

Sanders gives the example of comparing how society treats the planet verses how they would

treat someone they love. In the article, Sanders says, “none of us would consider dismantling a

human being for any amount of money, least of all someone we love.” What Sanders is saying is

he believes no one would viciously tear apart a human being for money, yet people today tear

apart the plants natural systems such as topsoil, forests, grasslands, oceans, and wetlands for their

income. Sanders mentions, “We’d be likely to say that it’s not acceptable under any

circumstances to treat a person as a commodity, worth so much per pound.” Sanders believes the

planet should be treated as a person, not as a worthless material commodity. Sanders also

believes that people may not see his view on how the world is treated because of

shortsightedness, selfishness, and the confusion of financial wealth with real wealth.

Sanders emphasis on how society is destroying the planet is significant because the way

we care for our planet now will have an effect on how the condition of the natural resources will

be in the future. Sanders mentions in the article, “Nothing in nature has been spared—not forests,

grasslands, wetlands, mountains, rivers, oceans, atmosphere, nor any of the creatures that dwell

therein.” Sanders view is worth thinking about because in our culture, we use every natural

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system we can, and to destroy it could be crucial. Sanders wants us to think about how humans

only have one world to live on and wants us to see how society treats the one planet we were

given to live on, and hopefully when society sees Sanders view, they will rethink their actions. In

the article, Sanders explains how the planet should be treated as a loved one. A loved one would

not be torn down and taken advantage of, Sanders explains. Today’s culture is now challenged to

examine how actions involving natural systems should be re-looked. To care for the planet with

the up-most respect can be a challenge, but a necessity.

8

What’s the Difference?

For my least successful article response, I chose "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No

Limits" by Wendell Berry. This article is about how Berry believes society is the reason for the

era of cheap fossil fuels is over. This article response was the first article response I wrote, and I

received a 6 out of 10. As a student, I failed in many ways to follow instructions for this article

essay. For an example, I did not understand the assignment, and I did not ask Dr. Horton for help

or tips to understand the project better. When reading over the response, I noticed the paragraphs

were not even close to being the same length and the paragraphs were more of my opinions

rather than me analyzing what the author’s beliefs are. I did not focus on what the author was

really trying to get across. The sentence structure was not well written because the view of the

author did not stand out by reading the response. There were many grammatical errors in this

response because of the poor sentence structure.

For my most successful article response, I chose “Breaking the Spell of Money”, by Scott

Russell Sanders. This article is about how Sanders believes humans are destroying the planets

natural resources. This article response was the last article response I wrote, and I received a ten

out of ten. The first article essay I wrote got the worst grade, and the last article essay got the

best grade. By the end of writing all the article responses, I understood what was asked of me by

writing the responses. In the first paragraph, the author’s beliefs are understood and I told why

his view could be significant in the second paragraph. The lengths of my two paragraphs were

even and the sentence structure was much better than the first article essay I wrote. I focused on

what the author was trying to get across and incorporated that into my article response. Overall,

the two article responses I wrote were very different, and I believe it is noticeable how in the first

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response I did not understand or put any effort in, and in the last response, I understood and

followed the instructions.

10

Least Successful Article Response: Markups




Indestructible: a word to describe something powerful and God-like. We as humans use

words like these carefully, but have we every thought of ourselves as indestructible? In the

article “Faustian economics: Hell hath no limits” written by Wendell Berry, that is how we are

portrayed, just not in the best of waysBerry argues that it is society’s fault that the era of cheap

fossil fuels is over. “We will keep on consuming, spending, wasting, and driving, as before, at

any cost to anything and everybody but ourselves,” Berry explains. In the article it is mentioned

that society has the idea of being limitless and being treated as a higher power. Berry believes

that to this idea that society is limitless and powerful came from the Industrial Revolution, when

an extraordinary amount of new resources were discovered and used, making for a ‘New

World’.Berry illustrates us as limitless; we spend, drive, and waste. Confusing limitations with

confinement is crucial in this world that we refuse to believe is small. What will happen to our

way of life when we simply run out of fossil fuels? We must give up the idea that we are all-

powerful beings to find our limits to our resources, minimize our dependence on these resources,

and re-examine our economic structure, Berry states. “Our The idea of a limitless economy

implies and requires a doctrine of general human limitlessness,” Berry explains. Society believes

human limits can result in embarrassment, which lead to mankind’s motto to be “there’s always

more.” What Berry explains in the article, what he really wants to see happen is for society to use

the idea of “there’s always more” to our benefit and discover new strategy to help reverse the

Formatted

Comment [K1]: This article essay was the first article essay I wrote, and I think it is shown by my work that I did not fully understand the assignment. By deleting this first “introduction sentence”, I believe it showed I understood this essay was to analyze the article and share the author’s point of view, not summarize what the article was explaining. The assignment did not call for telling a story or rewriting what the author said, but to take the author’s point of view and explain why it’s important.

Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman,12 pt

Comment [K2]: There were no quotes in my least successful article essay, and by adding a quote, I got to explain more of what the author really believed.


Comment [K3]: By deleting these two sentences, I was able to incorporate a quote into the paragraph without being repetitive. The first sentence is in the actual article, but in different words. By taking it out and putting in the actual quote, it relates more to the article. The second sentence I feel as though it is more of my own thoughts speaking and not the author’s so therefore I deleted it.


Comment [K4]: I added this section to this paragraph because it not only explains what the author believes, but also what the author believes what started the issue in the first place. It also explains how the author thinks the problem can be fixed, which is said in the article.

11

decrease of natural resources. greed and waste are the true reasons of global warming, according

to Berry, and its time to use a new strategy: use large profits to manufacture “biofuels” as ethanol

from corn or switch grass to help create a more environmentally friendly world. After all, as

Berry explains we’d Berry says, we have no chance to redo our experiments with bad agriculture

and soil loss, so we should reconsider our decisions and readjust our habits to make a better life

for all.

Wendell Berry’s emphasis on how society is wasting away at the planet is significant

because we are limitless people on a limited planet. Wendell Berry’s view on our society’s

culture that is destroying our earth is alarming for many. Berry’s points on how our greed is not

only foolish but also the reason for global warming are worth thinking about because our way of

life could potentially diminish future generations. Our culture says “there is always more” and

we are get up and go people. The challenge of examining our everyday lives such as driving

anywhere and everywhere is difficult but it could also be ending the era of cheap fossil fuels

which is widely overlookedTo be thought of as limitless people, it is challenging to pursue

society that it could be time to think about the Earth’s condition instead of our conveniences, the

article mentions. “The problem with us is not only prodigal extravagance but also an assumed

limitlessness. We have obscured the issue by refusing to see that limitlessness is a godly trait,”

Berry states. Berry is saying that by not seeing any other option but being recklessly limitless, we

are setting limits for ourselves in the long run. Berry’s point of view should be examined by all

for it could open our eyes to our harmful ways and provide alternatives in beginning a new

culture of change. Berry wants society We must give up the idea that we are all-powerful beings

to find our limits and rarity to our resources, minimize our dependence on these resources, and

re-examine our economic structure. In the article, Berry suggests , Berry states.new strategy:

Comment [K5]: I deleted this part of the paragraph because I believed it did not correspond to what was asked of me in the directions. I felt as though this sentence would fit better in the second paragraph where I must explain why the author’s view is important.

Comment [K6]: Saying how the earth is being destroyed is alarming for many is more of an opinion rather than a fact. In the article, you cannot tell from the author that more than him are worried about where the earth is headed. In the second sentence saying “our way” is too general and the more specific the better. The author does mention global warming in the article, but I felt as though it was just taking away from the issue of pursuing a new strategy to redeem our planet, and was just causing confusion to the paragraph.



Comment [K7]: I added the word convenience because it sums up how we treat our planet. Driving everywhere is more convenient than taking public transportation or walking. Simple decisions made throughout the day that could cause a good impact on earth are more appreciated than what’s more convenient even though convenient is easier. I added the quote because it really stuck out to me. Reading “godly trait” is powerful usage and comparing our limitlessness to being Godlike can cause the reader to think more about what the author is trying to get across.


Comment [K8]: At first, I cut this sentence to try to work it out in a different place in the paper, but decided it sounded like it was too much of my opinion and not the authors, because the author does not come out and say that’s what he wants. So instead, I reworded the sentence and mended it to what the author specifically desires in the article. I added the word rarity because I felt as though it had more of an impact than saying resources are decreasing. I also felt as though the word also complimented the meaning of dependence and how we are so dependent on our resources.

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using “liquid fuels” such as biofuels, which “can create jobs and boost the nation’s security,”

Berry explains. Berry’s points on how our greed is not only foolish but also the reason for global

warming are worth thinking about because our way of life could potentially diminish future

generations. Berry’s view on how society is destroying earth is worth thinking about because

there is only one earth, and with Berry’s suggestions to pursue a new outlook and strategy on

how to care for the planet, society can turn around and make a redemption and recovery.


Comment [K9]: I added this last part because the first time, I failed to follow directions and really tell why the author’s point of view is significant. The sentence about global warming got moved to the end of the paragraph because I felt by adding a related, but different, issue to keep the reader interested would make the reader want to read the article and read the author’s views more. The last sentence explains how the article has suggestions that Berry gives to help out the earth and make it a better place to live. Berry really wants a redemption of our reckless culture and a recovery for our planet. I used those two words at the very end of the paragraph. I also noted that I did not follow instructions when I was told to make the two paragraphs equal length so I had to make the second paragraph larger to make it equal length with the first paragraph.

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Least Successful Article Response: Final




In the article “Faustian economics: Hell hath no limits” written by Wendell Berry, Berry

argues that it is society’s fault that the era of cheap fossil fuels is over. “We will keep on

consuming, spending, wasting, and driving, as before, at any cost to anything and everybody but

ourselves,” Berry explains. In the article it is mentioned that society has the idea of being

limitless and being treated as a higher power. Berry believes that to this idea that society is

limitless and powerful came from the Industrial Revolution, when an extraordinary amount of

new resources were discovered and used, making for a ‘New World’. “The idea of a limitless

economy implies and requires a doctrine of general human limitlessness,” Berry explains.

Society believes human limits can result in embarrassment, which lead to mankind’s motto to be

“there’s always more.” What Berry explains in the article, what he really wants to see happen is

for society to use the idea of “there’s always more” to our benefit and discover new strategy to

help reverse the decrease of natural resources. Berry explains we’d have no chance to redo our

experiments with bad agriculture and soil loss, so we should reconsider our decisions and

readjust our habits to make a better life for all.

Wendell Berry’s emphasis on how society is wasting away at the planet is significant

because we are limitless people on a limited planet. To be thought of as limitless people, it is

challenging to pursue society that it could be time to think about the Earth’s condition instead of

our conveniences, the article mentions. “The problem with us is not only prodigal extravagance

15

but also an assumed limitlessness. We have obscured the issue by refusing to see that

limitlessness is a godly trait,” Berry states. Berry is saying that by not seeing any other option

but being recklessly limitless, we are setting limits for ourselves in the long run. Berry wants

society to find limits and rarity to our resources, and re-examine our economic structure. In the

article, Berry suggests new strategy: using “liquid fuels” such as biofuels, which “can create jobs

and boost the nation’s security,” Berry explains. Berry’s points on how our greed is not only

foolish but also the reason for global warming are worth thinking about because our way of life

could potentially diminish future generations. Berry’s view on how society is destroying earth is

worth thinking about because there is only one earth, and with Berry’s suggestions to pursue a

new outlook and strategy on how to care for the planet, society can turn around and make a

redemption and recovery.

16

Most Successful Article Response: Markups


Sanders, Scott Russell. "Breaking the Spell of Money." Orion Magazine. Orion Magazine, Aug. 2011. Web. 11 Nov. 2011.










circumstances to treat a person as a commodity, worth so much per pound.” Sanders believes

view is the planet should be treated as a person, not as a worthless material commodity. Sanders

also believes that Ppeople may not see his view on how the world is treated because of

shortsightedness, selfishness, and the confusion of financial wealth with real wealth, Sanders

believes.






system we can, and to destroy it could be crucial. Sanders wants society to open their eyes about

Formatted

Comment [K1]: I changed “believes” to “view is” because I said believes in the next sentence. I thought it was very repetitive so I changed the words around. I also but the “Sanders believes” at the end of the last sentence to create more sentence variation so all the sentences didn’t start out with the same thing.

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how the earth is being treated and to us to think about how humans rethink their actions, for there

isonly have one worldworld to live on. and wants us to see how society treats the one planet we

were given to live on, and hopefully when society sees Sanders view, they will rethink their

actions. In the article, Sanders explains how the planet should be treated as a loved one. A loved

one would not be torn down and taken advantage of, Sanders explains. Today’s culture is now

challenged to examine how actions involving natural systems should be re-looked. Sanders

wants natural systems to be looked at as a rarity and a precious gift that should be cared for. To

care for the planet with the up-most respect can be a challenge, but a necessity.

Comment [K2]: I rewrote this sentence because when I reread it, it was confusing. I think by rewriting it. The sentence flows more. By making the sentence shorter and less wordy, the sentence makes more sense and is short, sweet, and to the point.

18

Most Successful Article Response: Markups


Sanders, Scott Russell. "Breaking the Spell of Money." Orion Magazine. Orion Magazine, Aug. 2011. Web. 11 Nov. 2011.










circumstances to treat a person as a commodity, worth so much per pound.” Sanders view is the

planet should be treated as a person, not as a worthless material commodity. People may not see

his view on how the world is treated because of shortsightedness, selfishness, and the confusion

of financial wealth with real wealth, Sanders believes.






system we can, and to destroy it could be crucial. Sanders wants society to open their eyes about

how the earth is being treated and to rethink their actions, for there is one world to live on. In the

19

article, Sanders explains how the planet should be treated as a loved one. A loved one would not

be torn down and taken advantage of, Sanders explains. Today’s culture is now challenged to

examine how actions involving natural systems should be re-looked. Sanders wants natural

systems to be looked at as a rarity and a precious gift that should be cared for. To care for the

planet with the up-most respect can be a challenge, but a necessity.

20

Kayleigh Feder

Professor Horton

English 1101

27 September 2011

The Road Toto Recovery: A Never Ending Cycle

In her article “To Accept What Cannot Be Helped,” Ann Hulbert partakes teaches in the

lesson that life is astonishingly limited by telling the story of her mother’s gradual decline due

tofrom cancer. Hulbert remembers her mother’s words saying to her, “you never know when it

might happen”. The act of dying is an eventaction that happens to everyone, so why do most fear

it more than anything else? The answer could be the suddenness of death the fact of the unknown

timing. It could happen at any time of the day, while doing everyday activities such as driving,

eating or just talking to friends when suddenly the moment of the hearts final beats occurone’s

heart could just stop. Although the thought is frightening, the goal is to to live the life given to

you to the fullest because death could happen with no forewarning with the fact that dying.

Whether we see it coming or not, coping with the loss and to movinge on is a necessity that will

happen. Going through stages of mourning can be challenging, and some stages can go by

quickerbe easier to deal with than others. But the The last stage is acceptance, where the weight

lifted off the shoulders can be released and fun and happiness can occur again.

Hulbert and her family became in disarradisarrayedy when it was announced that their

mother was diagnosed with cancer. Letting go became the biggestnew challenge, and her mother

was always one step ahead of the family. The question is:, how is coping demonstrated? Coping

can be displayed in many different ways, but confronting thea dark fear of losing a loved one is a

step that must be taken first. When my best friend Emily found out her grandma was diagnosed

Formatted

Formatted: Font color: Auto

Formatted: Font color: Text 1



Comment [K1]:

Comment [K2]: I noticed by relooking and rereading this paper, there were many grammatical mistakes. I could have fixed these mistakes in the first place if I did not fail to read instructions and proofread my essay more than once. It helps to take a break from the essay and relook at it with fresh eyes. Throughout the essay there were other mistakes such as not completing a sentence or typing a word twice. Simple mistakes can add up and make for a not so great paper.

Comment [K3]: By adding the word “biggest” instead of “new”, my statement about Hulbert having to deal with her mother’s illness became more important. Also, in the sentences below, I added a semi‐colon and I missed some words that would make the sentence more complete. For an example I added “first” at the end of the sentence because it is the first step and by adding the word “first”, it made it clear that confronting your fear is the first step.

21

with cirrhosis of the liver caused by weight and would soon die, the need to be with Emily was

my number one priority. Before that fatefulcatastrophic day, Emily had the world at her feet and

after she was left with nothing since she was Emily’s guardianand in the darkest time of her life.

Unknowingly going through steps of griefremedy broughttowards Emily brought her from

feeling as if she has no one to the reality that she is truly not totally alone. In the midst of a tragic

loss, I stood by Emily to show her she was not alone and that could have been the biggest most

significant helpcure of all on her road to acceptancerecovery.

The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness overcome Emily in a matter of seconds

when the news arrived that her grandmother will soon be gone. Noticing Emily’s stages of

grieving alarmed me. Becoming distant and quiet is not an ordinary trait of Emily. The feeling of

helplessness and hopelessness overcame Emily in a matter of seconds when the news arrived that

her grandmother will soon be gone. She became absent from school for longer than she should

of. Her grades started to decline quickly and the straight A’s she worked so desperately for were

starting to disappear. The characteristic of mourning that diauntsturbed me the most is the loss of

appetite. After a short visit to see how Emily was doing, I noticed she had lost quite a bit of

weight. My first suggestion was to keep eating substantial foods. Emily did not want to hear it,

and just ignored my advice. Emily was in a noticeable downward spiral that I did not see coming

and wasn’t sure on how to stop it. The fact that she was pushing everyone away from her just

made me want to be there for her even more.

I did not feel obligated to help and care for her, it just came naturally. Emily did not have

anyone to cook for her anymore, and thinking about the day I saw her wilting away lead me to

bring her some meals. I was hoping she would know that not only dido I understandcare

herabout the situation,, but I cared aboutbut her as a person. Being in denial and forgetting about

Comment [K4]: It made more sense to tell to reader that Emily’s grandma was her guardian because I noticed throughout the paragraphs I did not state clearly that Emily lived with her grandma. By adding in the fact that her grandma was her guardian, the entire essay makes more sense to the reader.

Comment [K5]: I learned the word remedy in highschool for those vocabulary lessons. When I read this essay to someone, they were all confused on what the word remedy meant. To make the reader not confused, I added in a word everyone should know.

Comment [K6]: I felt as though making the second sentence the topic sentence would be better because the entire paragraph was about me noticing her stages of grief and how it alarmed me. The sentence that I originally had as my topic sentence I placed after the topic sentence because it was explaining more of what was going on, not the general idea of the paragraph. I believe my new topic sentence fits better because it digs right in to what the paragraph is going to be about.

22

priorities can be a huge stage of grief. When Emily started skipping school, the best solution I

could come up with is to take the homework to her. There were no promises that she would

appreciate the gesture, but at this important devastating time inof life, fearing rejection was not a

choice. I was constantly told not that to be worried about Emily becausefor what she was going

through was the normnormal. Calling or texting wereare little acts of acknowledgement I tried to

pass along to Emily to show that I was thinking of her. The actions that I did not necessarily

think much about eventually meant the world to Emily. Emily now started to realize she was not

alone and the world was still spinning.

Although I did not get the vibe of appreciation fromtowards Emily when I tried to help

her out, something told me to just keep doing what I was doingcaring. Being so persistent and

genuine was the key to showing Emily that she can be happy again. When Emily was starting to

turn her life around wasand when she first thanked me for all themy love and support. It was

then, I suddenly realized my actions hmade an impact on her which lead me to think about why

did I continued to used lay down all my free time fo onr Emily.? After some deliberation, I

discovered I did it to simply to get my friend back to her usual selfthe person she originally was.

Emily had way too much to offer to just give up because of thisan obstacle in her way. Emily had

to open her eyes to all the possibilities the world has to offer to leaad her to aher purpose in life.

Her potential was great, and I did not want that to go to waste. Knowing that I my position in

helpeding her had such an importance and is a great treasure thatto I carry ion mythe heart.

No matter if my love for Emily was deliberate or not, it still made a major impact on the

choices she made. Retrieving Emily out of a depression and opening the doors to the potential of

what she can do is a great example that she is not alone in this world. Emily and I think of each

other as friends that we cannot let go, no matter how hard times may get. The feeling of

Comment [K7]: I changed this word because the day her grandmother died was indeed an important day but not in the sense this sentence was describing. Devastating was more of an accurate word because it’s a stronger word for sad and important, to me, had more of a happy initiative behind it.

Comment [K8]: Overall, most mistakes I found while reevaluating this essay were missing words, or just changing around the words. In some sentences, there were either missing words that made the sentence incomplete, or the sentence was just too wordy. I made a lot of revisions that changed up the words to make my sentences more interesting and not the same sentence over and over. The sentence structure I also noticed was looking about the same, so by adding in new words in different places I changed up the sentence structure for some sentences to make the reader more interested.

Comment [K9]: I made this sentence into two sentences because the sentence as one was wordy and was as confusing as a run‐on. Making it two sentences made the idea make more sense because it had more of a chronological order of what happened. Also, I noticed throughout the paper I used the word “lead” instead of “led”.

23

abandonment tore Emily apart emotionally. She had to ask herself the questions: when will I cure

myself and how will I cure myself?. The realization came to Emilyher that she had me by her

side the whole way through her battle, and unintentionally changed her perspective on life. I see

this as not only a blessing, but one of the best gifts I could ever receive. To have no more

burdens on her heart is a great feeling, and I see all that Emily has accomplished because she

fought through her fears and sadness.

The fact of not knowing what an impact I would have on Emily changed my perspective

on life as well. I can either view the world as a never ending tunnel that I am hopelessly walking

through, knowing I will never find my way out. Or, I can view it as the tunnel with the light at

the end where I can walk the path step by step, laughing with Emily. When Emily had the life

changing event happenin her life, she chose the never ending tunnel. But when she saw I would

be there, she saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Emily took a mission trip to Sudan to help

educate children in poverty. She returned and is now studying early childhood education so she

can eventually return to Sudan and have a job as a teacher. By helping others in need, Emily is

working her way to a mended heart once again. With that being said, a new question arises; can

having the fulfillment of being an assistant have personal gain? The road to recoveryrecovery

can be a never ending cycle of exclusive benefit, and in the long run, acceptancerecovery can be

shared through helping others.as well.

Comment [K10]: By erasing “her” and adding Emily, the sentence was more of a complete sentence. If you read the sentence by itself, you would wonder, who is “her” and “she”? By adding Emily, those questions have their answer.

Comment [K11]: I changed “recovery” to “acceptance” because I used the word “recovery” in that sentence already and I found it to be repetitive. For this sentence being my closing statement, it needed to be a solid sentence and I felt as though the repetitiveness was making it weak.

24

Works Cited

Hulbert, Ann. “To Accept What Cannot Be Helped.” The American Scholar. The American

Scholar, 2011. Web. 9 Sept. 2011.

25

Kayleigh Feder

Professor Horton

English 1101

27 September 2011

The Road to Recovery: A Never Ending Cycle

In her article “To Accept What Cannot Be Helped,” Ann Hulbert teaches the lesson that

life is astonishingly limited by telling the story of her mother’s gradual decline due to cancer.

Hulbert remembers her mother’s words, “you never know when it might happen”. The act of

dying is an event that happens to everyone, so why do most fear it more than anything else? The

answer could be the suddenness of death. It could happen at any time of the day, while doing

everyday activities such as driving, eating or just talking to friends when suddenly one’s heart

could just stop. Although the thought is frightening, the goal is to live the life given to you to the

fullest because death could happen with no forewarning. Whether we see it coming or not,

coping with the loss and moving on is a necessity. Going through stages of mourning can be

challenging, and some stages can be easier to deal with than others. The last stage is acceptance,

where the weight lifted off the shoulders can be released and fun and happiness can occur again.

Hulbert and her family became disarrayed when it was announced that their mother was

diagnosed with cancer. Letting go became the biggest challenge, and her mother was always one

step ahead of the family. The question is: how is coping demonstrated? Coping can be displayed

in many different ways, but confronting the dark fear of losing a loved one is a step that must be

taken first. When my best friend Emily found out her grandma was diagnosed with cirrhosis of

the liver caused by weight and would soon die, the need to be with Emily was my number one

priority. Before that fateful day, Emily had the world at her feet and after she was left with

26

nothing since she was Emily’s guardian. Unknowingly going through steps of grief brought

Emily from feeling as if she has no one to the reality that she is not totally alone. In the midst of

a tragic loss, I stood by Emily to show her she was not alone and that could have been the

biggest help of all on her road to acceptance.

Noticing Emily’s stages of grieving alarmed me. Becoming distant and quiet is not an

ordinary trait of Emily. The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness overcame Emily in a matter

of seconds when the news arrived that her grandmother will soon be gone. She became absent

from school for longer than she should of. Her grades started to decline quickly and the straight

A’s she worked so desperately for were starting to disappear. The characteristic of mourning that

disturbed me the most is the loss of appetite. After a short visit to see how Emily was doing, I

noticed she had lost quite a bit of weight. My first suggestion was to keep eating substantial

foods. Emily did not want to hear it, and just ignored my advice. Emily was in a noticeable

downward spiral that I did not see coming and wasn’t sure on how to stop it. The fact that she

was pushing everyone away from her just made me want to be there for her even more.

I did not feel obligated to help and care for her, it just came naturally. Emily did not have

anyone to cook for her anymore, and thinking about the day I saw her wilting away led me to

bring her some meals. I was hoping she would know that not only did I understand her situation,

but I cared about her as a person. Being in denial and forgetting about priorities can be a huge

stage of grief. When Emily started skipping school, the best solution I could come up with is to

take the homework to her. There were no promises that she would appreciate the gesture, but at

this devastating time in life, fearing rejection was not a choice. I was constantly told not to be

worried about Emily because what she was going through was the norm. Calling or texting were

little acts of acknowledgement I tried to pass along to Emily to show that I was thinking of her.

27

The actions that I did not necessarily think much about eventually meant the world to Emily.

Emily started to realize she was not alone and the world was still spinning.

Although I did not get the vibe of appreciation from Emily when I tried to help her out,

something told me to just keep doing what I was doing. Being so persistent and genuine was the

key to showing Emily that she can be happy again. When Emily was starting to turn her life

around was when she first thanked me for all the love and support. It was then I suddenly

realized my actions had an impact on her which led me to think about why I continued to used all

my free time on Emily. After some deliberation, I discovered I did it to simply to get my friend

back to her usual self. Emily had way too much to offer to just give up because of this obstacle in

her way. Emily had to open her eyes to all the possibilities the world has to offer to lead her to a

purpose in life. Her potential was great, and I did not want that to go to waste. Knowing that I

helped her had such an importance and is a great treasure that I carry in my heart.

No matter if my love for Emily was deliberate or not, it still made a major impact on the

choices she made. Retrieving Emily out of a depression and opening the doors to the potential of

what she can do is a great example that she is not alone in this world. Emily and I think of each

other as friends that we cannot let go, no matter how hard times may get. The feeling of

abandonment tore Emily apart emotionally. She had to ask herself the questions: when will I cure

myself and how will I cure myself? The realization came to Emily that she had me by her side

the whole way through her battle, and unintentionally changed her perspective on life. I see this

as not only a blessing, but one of the best gifts I could ever receive. To have no more burdens on

her heart is a great feeling, and I see all that Emily has accomplished because she fought through

her fears and sadness.

28

The fact of not knowing what an impact I would have on Emily changed my perspective

on life as well. I can either view the world as a never ending tunnel that I am hopelessly walking

through, knowing I will never find my way out. Or, I can view it as the tunnel with the light at

the end where I can walk the path step by step, laughing with Emily. When Emily had the life

changing event happen, she chose the never ending tunnel. But when she saw I would be there,

she saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Emily took a mission trip to Sudan to help educate

children in poverty. She returned and is now studying early childhood education so she can

eventually return to Sudan and have a job as a teacher. By helping others in need, Emily is

working her way to a mended heart once again. With that being said, a new question arises; can

having the fulfillment of being an assistant have personal gain? The road to recovery can be a

never ending cycle of exclusive benefit, and in the long run, acceptance can be shared through

helping others.

29

Works Cited

Hulbert, Ann. “To Accept What Cannot Be Helped.” The American Scholar. The American

Scholar, 2011. Web. 9 Sept. 2011.

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