popular lyric writing: 10 steps to effective storytelling
TRANSCRIPT
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“Breakaway”
FromThePrincessDiaries2:RoyalEngagement
WordsandMusicbyBridgetBenenate,AvrilLavigne,andMatthewGerrard.
Copyright©2004MusicofWindswept,FriendsofSeagullsMusicPublishing,BlotterMusic,AlmoMusicCorp.,AvrilLavignePublishingLtd.,WBMusic
Corp.,andGMattMusic.AllRightsforFriendsofSeagullsMusicPublishingandBlotterMusic
AdministeredbyMusicofWindswept.AllRightsforAvrilLavignePublishingLtd.ControlledandAdministeredby
AlmoMusicCorp.AllRightsReserved.UsedbyPermission.
“TimeAfterTime”
WordsandMusicbyCyndiLauperandRobHyman.
Copyright©1983RelllaMusicCo.,WBMusicCorp.,andDubNotes.AllRightsforRelllaMusicCo.AdministeredbySony/ATVMusicPublishing,8
MusicSquareWest,Nashville,TN37203.AllRightsforDubNotesAdministeredbyWBMusicCorp.
InternationalCopyrightSecured.AllRightsReserved.
“WhyGeorgia”
WordsandMusicbyJohnMayer.
Copyright©2001SpecificHarmMusic(ASCAP).InternationalCopyrightSecured.AllRightsReserved.
“LoveCanBuildaBridge”
WordsandMusicbyJohnJarvis,PaulOverstreet,andNaomiJudd.Copyright©1999byInspectorBarlowMusic,SonyCrossKeysPublishing,
ScarletMoonMusic,andMikeCurbMusic.
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ScarletMoonMusic,andMikeCurbMusic.AllrightsonbehalfofInspectorBarlowMusicadministeredbySongsofPeer,
Ltd.AllrightsonbehalfofMikeCurbMusicadministeredbyAlfredMusic
Publishing.UsedbyPermission.InternationalCopyrightSecured.AllRightReserved.
“That’sAmore”
WordsandMusicbyJackBrooksandHarryWarren.
Copyright©1953(Renewed1981)byFourJaysMusic,andParamountMusicCorporation.
InternationalCopyrightSecured.AllRightsReserved.
“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin’”WordsandMusicbyAndreaStolpe.Copyright©2005AlmoMusicCorp.
AllRightsReserved.UsedbyPermission.
“Won’tTakeChances”WordsandMusicbyAndreaStolpe.Copyright©2004AlmoMusicCorp.
AllRightsReserved.UsedbyPermission.
WritingBetterLyricsbyPatPattison.
©Copyright1995byPatPattison.UsedbyPermissionofthePublisher.
BerkleePressVicePresident:DavidKusek
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DeanofContinuingEducation:DebbieCavalierManagingEditor:JonathanFeist
DirectorofBusinessAffairs:RobertF.GreenSeniorDesigner:RobertHeath
EditorialAssistants:RajasriMallikarjuna,JonathanWhalen
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9781617744334
VisitBerkleePressOnlineatwww.berkleepress.com
VisithalLeonardOnlineatwww.halleonard.com
Copyright©2007AndreaStolpeAllRightsReserved
NopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanymeanswithoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthePublisher.
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TableofContents
Chapter1CausingAnExperienceChapter2ExposingTheArtistPerspectiveChapter3TwoTypesOfDetailChapter4RhymeChapter5ReflectionsOfMusicFormAndStructureChapter6WritingTheVerseChapter7TheChorusChapter8ContrastChapter9TheContentCompassChapter10FinalTouchesChapter11TenStepsToWritingASong
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PREFACE
Whenwewritelyrics,weholdthepenofanartist.Whetherwearewritingforourselvesorforsomeoneelse,theobjectiveisalwaysthesame—tocauseasignificantexperienceinthemindandheartofourlistener.Aswriters,wehavethepowertodeterminetheintensityoftheexperiencewecause.Memorablesongsconnectartiststotheiraudiences.Plotsvary,buttheirabilitytoevokelaughter,elation,freedom,sorrow,regret,hope,orloveremainsthesame.Thereisnothingmoresatisfying,inmyopinion,thantoreachlistenersattheircore—togainaccesstothevaultsofemotionbybreathinglifeintoasinglechord,phrase,ormelody.Afterall,emotionsarethecolorofexperience.Theyburnourlivesintothedepthsofourmemory.Withoutthem,events—likesongs—lackpurpose.
Therearemanywaystowritesongs,fromthedeliberateuseoftime-testedtechniquestosimplylettinginspirationguidetheway.Buteventhebesttoolsdon’tguaranteeagreatsong,andinspirationissometimespatchy.Somesongsreachaudiencesregardlessoftheirpoorrhymeschemes,unparticularrhythms,andscantlyricalgenius.Sointhepagesahead,Iamnotattemptingtowritetheconclusivebookonsongwriting.Iaminsteadattemptingtooutlinetoolsforwritingwithintention.Intentionallowsustotransferouruniqueideaseloquentlytopaper.Ithelpsustoidentifywhenarhythm,arhymescheme,achord,oramelodyfeels“off,”andthenputitrightagain.Ithelpsustolearnwhatitisaboutourownartisticidentitythatmakesourwritinguniqueandmarketable.Somesongwriterscansinganylyricandmakeitsoundconvincing.Ifthat’syou,thenyoumighthavetheraretalentofdrawinganaudienceinsimplythroughyourvoice,yourmusicalstyle,yourimage,andevenyouraura.Butifyou’relikeme,you’vegottoworkalittlehardertogainanaudience’sattention.I’veactuallycometoappreciatemyinabilitytopassaclichéforanoriginalthought,andIbelievethatveryhandicaphasforcedmetobecomeabetterwriter.
Ihearmanywritersandperformingartistsalikeexplainthatthey’renotinterestedinwritingforthemainstreammarket.Butthereisareasonwhysomesongmelodiesarerememberedlonger,andwhysomelyricsseemtoconnectwithouremotionsstrongerthanothersongswehear.Itismybeliefthatbeforewecanwritememorablesongsoutsidethemainstreammarket,or“outofthebox,”sotospeak,we’vegottoknowwhatitmeanstowrite“insidethebox.”Wealsoneedtofindoutwhytheboxhasprovedoverandoveragaintobeso
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Wealsoneedtofindoutwhytheboxhasprovedoverandoveragaintobesoeffective.Frompunk,rock,reggae,andjazztofusion,adultcontemporary,pop,folk,andbebop,thetoolsthatfusetheboxtogetherareallthesame.Themorewebecomeawareofthetoolsavailabletous,themoreflexibleandeffectivewebecomeaswritersandartists.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ThereareafewpeopleIwishtothankwhohaveplayedanirreplaceableroleinthewritingofthisbook.IthankPatPattisonforhismentorshipandhisextremeinsightintothecraftoflyricwriting.Withouthim,Iwouldnotbewritinglyricstoday.IthankJimmyKachulisforsharinghistalentformakinghitsongwritingaccessibletowritersatalllevels.Ithankmyparents,MarkandJanDebe,fortheirunwaveringencouragementandfinancialbackingwhentimeswererough.Let’snotdothatagain,shallwe?AndIthankJanStolpeforhistoughlove,hisvision,andhisbelief.Withoutthem,I’dstillbestuckinchapter1.
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CHAPTER1CausinganExperience
THEARTIST’SOBJECTIVE
Youmaynotrememberthird-gradepicturedayingrammarschool,butIrememberitverywell.Irememberpullingatmynavy-bluecottonjumper,thehighcollarscratchingtheskinonmynecktobrightred.Mylongredhairwasyankedupinaclipontopofmyhead,alastattempttosavewhatwasleftofabadcurlingironexperience.Mybangssaggedtotherightlikesunken-cakefrosting,loopingunnaturallyundertheweightofallthehairspray.Irememberwaitinginlinewhilethechildreninfrontofmefiledacrossthegymfloortowardstheblackvelvetcurtain,whereaman’svoiceloftedupanddownonapillowofair.Hesoundedmuchtoohappytobethere,insistingeachofussay“cheesycheesypizzaweezy”beforesnappingthebrightstrobelight.Amomentlater,hisassistantquicklyescortedusoffstageandspitusbackoutintothehalltowardsourclassroom.Icouldn’twaittochangebackintotheshortsandT-shirtI’dsmuggledfromhomeinmybookbag.TheembarrassmentofthatAmish-inspiredcottonnumberIwaswearingwasalmosttoomuch,butIknewtheshameIwouldfaceathomeiftwoweeksfromnowIcamebackwiththisyear’sphotoinmydirtywhiteT.
Yes,Irememberthatdayverywell,becauseofthestrongfeelingsofembarrassment,frustration,andlongingtoescape.Now,maybeyoualwayshadgreatpictures,ormaybeyouneverevenhadthemtakenatall.Butthroughthehonestanddetaileddescriptionofmyexperience,IhopeI’vesparkedanexperiencewithinyou.Perhapsyousmiledoryourheartracedalittle.Maybeyoushuffledyourfeetuncomfortablyacrossthecarpet,nervouslypickedataholeinyourjeans,rememberingatimewhenyoufeltsimilarlyhumiliated.Whateveryourresponse,itwasnottheplotthatgotyouthere.Itwastheemotionalconnectioncausedbydetailthatforamoment,weshared.
Inthepagesahead,we’llexplorehowitisnotsoimportantwhatwewriteaboutbuthowwewriteit.Anyideacansucceedorfailincausinganexperiencewiththelistener.Theeffectivenessisnotcontainedwithintheplotitself,butintheabilityofthestorytoconnectemotionally.
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Effectivenessisnotcontainedwithintheplot,butintheabilityofthestorytoconnectemotionally.
Inthechaptersahead,we’lluseaten-stepprocesstogatherideasandpresenttheminawaythatcausesanintenseexperience.We’llalsoexposeanglesofourownartistrythatmakeeachofusuniqueandinimitableassongwriters.Sogatheryourpencilandnotepad,andgetreadytobareyoursoul.
MAKINGPEOPLECARE
Imagineadimlylitclub,astagewarminginthelimelight,andthelowdroneofanaudiencewrappedupintheirownFridaynightconcerns.You’reabouttoperformoneofyoursongs.Youwalkonstage,guitarinhand,takeyourplaceinfrontofthemicrophone,andurgeyourrighthandtobeginstrumming.Eyesdivertfromtheirshadowedtablesandbegintosizeupyourhaircut,yourlooseT-shirt,andyourfadedjeans.Yousingyourfirstline,“Babybaby,whenyouleft,ithurtsobad.”Youkeepstrumming,gainingmomentumasyousingthesecondline,“WhatdidIeverdotomakeyousomad?”Bythispoint,theinitialshiverofwalkingoutinfrontoffiftystrangershasrunitscourse,andyou’refeelingprettygoodaboutyourself.Butline-by-line,eyesreturntotheirtablesandthedullmurmurrisesagainasconversationspickupwheretheyleftoff.Bythetimeyoufinishyourfirstchorus,youmightaswellbepracticingaloneinyourlivingroom.So,whathappened?
Inordertocare,youraudiencehasgottofeelsomething.Whateverthatfeelingis,it’sgottobestrongerthanthesmelloftheburgerandfriesjustlaidonthetableinfrontofthem.Somewherebetweentheanticipationofyourfirstnoteandtheendofthefirstchorus,theaudiencelostinterest.Thesongfailedtoconvincethelistenertocareenoughtopayattention.Youmaythink,“ButI’msingingaboutmylastbreakup!Myheartwastornintwo!Whatmoredotheywant?”Quitefrankly,theywantyouandyourtruestory.Thetroubleis,thereisadisconnectbetweenthewordsyou’resingingandtheemotionyoumeantoconvey.Theaudiencedoesn’tbelieveyou’regivingthemthewholetruth.Theydon’tfeelyou’regivingthemyou.Butifyoudescribehowwhensheleft,youcrumbledtothefloor,thepitofyourstomachburning,andhottearswellingupinthelidsofyoureyesasyouburiedyourfaceinyourclammyhands...then,
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inthelidsofyoureyesasyouburiedyourfaceinyourclammyhands...then,theymightactuallypaysomeattention.Thelistener’sexperiencematchestheintensityoftheevent.Andifitreallywasn’tthatintenseinthefirstplace,whyareyoubotheringtosingasongaboutit?
Youmightconsiderthesetwoideaswhenevaluatingyourconnectionwiththeaudience.
First,determinetheexperienceyouwishtocause.Areyougettingglazedlooksorintenseconcentration?Isthereaconstantconversationgoingonintheroom,orareeyesandearshangingonyournextlines?Ifyou’renotsurewhatexperienceyouwishtocause,thenchancesare,you’renotcausingone.Takeanemotionalinventory.Areyouconnectingwithyourlistenersorprovidingbackgroundmusictotheirbusylives?
Second,getreal.Onceyoucanputintowordstheexperienceyouwishforyouraudience,youcanbegintakingstepstowardsrecreatingthatexperience.Memorablesongscauseintenseexperiences.Unmemorablesongsdon’tcauseanyexperienceatall.Considerwhetheryoustayintherealmofgeneralitiesatthecostofconnection.Thenaskyourself,whatwouldIlosebybeingmorespecific?
Inordertocare,youraudiencehasgottofeelsomething.They’vegottofeelwhatit’sliketobeyouinthatmoment.Tellingthemtocarewon’tmakethemcare.You’vegottoallowthemtofeelwhatyoufeel,toseewhatyousee,tocometobelievewhatyou’vecometobelieve.
Let’slookatafewdifferentapproachestocapturingouraudience’sattentionthroughourlyrics.Ihopethisinformationwillinspireyoutobelieveit’snotsocriticalwhatyouwriteabout,buthowyouwriteaboutit.Let’sbegintappingintothatvaluableperspectivethatisuniquelyandsolelyyourown.
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CHAPTER2ExposingtheArtistPerspective
BUILDINGBLOCKSOFCONNECTION
“Objectwritingiswritingfromyoursenses.Itswholepurposeistoconnectyourwritingtowhatyousee,touch,taste,smell,andhear;tothewayyourbodyresponds—increasedbreathing,heartrate,pulse,muscletension;and,finally,toyoursenseofmovement.Itprovidesyoursongswiththeirpicturesandexperiences.”
—PATPATTISON,WRITINGBETTERLYRICS
Sense-boundwritingwillbethefoundationofallconnectionthroughoutthisbook.Thisexplosionofthoughtiscrucialtogettingtotheheartofwhatconnectswithinourideaandexpressingitvividlyandefficientlytoourlistener.Dailyobjectwritingisagreatwaytobecomeskilledatusingsense-boundlanguage.
Forthepurposeofcomingupwithsonglyrics,Iuseatypeofobjectwritingcalleddestinationwriting.Destinationwritingissense-boundfreewritingdirectedataplace,aperson,oratimeinsteadofanobject.Thekeytobothdestinationwritingandobjectwritingisinvolvingthesensesoftouch,taste,smell,sight,sound,andalsomovement.Whenthosesensesareinvolved,thewritingspringstolife.
Agoodwaytovisualizewhatwe’redoingwhenwedestination-writeistoimagineourselvesasacameralens.Thecloserwezoomin,themoredetailwesee.Thebulkofourwritingwillbespentzoomedinsoclosethatwewillseetheveryporesandveinsofaplace,person,ortime.
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Butonceinawhile,we’llalsozoomoutandcommentonthelandscapeandbigpicture.Let’simaginewe’redestinationwritingaboutaplace,suchasabusysidewalkinNewYorkCity.Zoomedin,wemightdescribe“handbagsslappingagainstpassingelbowsandtherhythmoflegslikewindmillspropellingbodiesthroughamassofdrivenfaces...”Butzoomedoutonthesamescenario,wemightwrite,“Asidewalkfullofpeopletryingtogetsomewhere,allworryingabouttheirschedules,theirrelationships,andscurryingfordirectioninlife.”Detailallowsourlistenertostepintoourshoes,knowwhatweknow,andfeelhowwefeel.Toolittledetailandwegeneralizetheexperience,losingintensity.Toomuchdetailandweruntheriskofdelvingsodeepintotheabyssofdescriptionthatweonlyemergewithsomethoughtfulpoetry.
Sowhatdoesdestinationwritingactuallylooklikeonpaper,andhowdowetapintothedepthofdetailweneedwhenwe’rewriting?Ifindithelpfultolistthesensesatthetopofthepage,beforeIbeginwriting.Thesesixkeysofconnectionkeepusfocused,andourwritingpoisedforapowerfulexperience.
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SIXKEYSOFCONNECTION:1.Taste2.Touch3.Sight4.Sound5.Smell6.Movement
Inthedestinationwritingbelow,payspecialattentiontothesenseeachdetaildescribes.Considerhowdescribinganexperienceintermsofoursensesallowsustoimagineandbecomepartoftheeventitself.
KEYWORD:Airport
IslumpeddownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Thecrackintheseatexhaledastheweightofmyduffelbagsanklikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsrestingontheballofhernose,herwristspoisedonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherglancednervouslyaround,pattinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandmurmuringexpletivesashefoughtwiththebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackachedasIshiftedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofsiftingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbus,untilfinallyIwasspitoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,misshapenandgenerallydisgustedwiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomrangthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythebuzzoftravelers.Mynosecaughtthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
Eachsentenceinthisparagraphcontainscriticaldetailsthatprovidethereaderwithanexperienceratherthanjustplot.Atthispointyoumaybethinking,“Itsoundsgood,butIjustcan’twritelikethat.”Well,I’mgoingtoletyouinonasecret.Ready?Youcan.Theanswerliesintinypowerhousewordsthatmeanthedifferencebetweenaboredaudienceandonethatishangingonyoureveryword.Letmeillustratebyrewritingthesameparagraph,replacingoneparticulargroupofpowerhousescalledverbs,withamoregenericsubstitution:
IsatdownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Therewasacrackintheseatandtheweightofmyduffelbagwaslikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsontheballofhernose,herwristsonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherlookednervouslyaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketfor
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Themanbesideherlookednervouslyaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandspeakingexpletivesashetriedthebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackhurtasImovedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofgoingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallyIwasletoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,unhappywiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomwentthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythenoiseoftravelers.Mynosesmelledthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
Youmightfeelthattheparagraphhaslostsomeofitsabilitytocauseastrongexperience.Theintensityoftheoriginalverbscertainlyhelpedtogarnersomevaluableattention.Butatthispoint,itstillhassomeredeemingqualitiesfoundinanothertinypowerhouse,theadjectives.Let’sexperimentbydeletingtheadjectivesandevensomeadverbsthatcoloroureverydaynouns:
Isatdownonthechairinfrontofthegate.Therewasacrackintheseatandtheweightofmyduffelbagsatlikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingaromancenovel,herbifocalsonhernose,herwristsonherlapassheheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherlookedaround,touchinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandspeakingexpletivesashetriedthebuttonthatkepthimfromhisrelief.ThesmallofmybackhurtasImovedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofgoingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallyIwasoutintheairportcrowd,unhappywiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomwentthroughtheterminal,overthenoiseoftravelers.Mynosesmelledtheodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
Atthispoint,mydestinationwritingisreallysuffering.Itseemsthatallthatisleftarebasicplotideas.Theexperiencecausedbythisparagraphisfarweakerthantheexperiencecausedbytheoriginal.Fromthisexercise,wecandrawafewconclusionsaboutwhatturnsaplotintoanexperienceandhowmuchattentionwecanexpectfromouraudience:
Experienceiscausedthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbs.
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Thewaytheideaiswrittenmattersmorethantheideaitself.
Ideasinthemselvesareneithergoodnorbad.They’rejustsimplyideas.It’swhat’sinbetweenthoseideasthatisthesecrettoconnection.Generalizeddetailcausesgeneralizedemotion.Specificdetailcausesstrong,specificemotion.Youdecidewhatyouwantyouraudiencetoremembermore—theirburgerandfries,oryou.
EXERCISE2.1.GettingSenseBoundPracticeusingyoursensestodescribethedestinationkeywordlistedbelow.Besideeachquestion,describethesituationinasmuchdetailaspossible.
KEYWORD:BusStation
TasteTouchSightSmellSoundMovement
Onwhatareyoustandingorsitting?
Whatdoyousmell?
Whatdoyoutaste?
Whataroundyouismoving?
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Whataroundyouismoving?
Whatdoyouhear?
Whatclothes,jewelry,andhairdoareyouwearing?
Whatareyoufeelingandthinking?
Lookbackoveryourdescriptionsfromthisexercise.Compareyourverbsandadjectiveswiththoselistedbelow.Ifyoufindduplicates,youmaynotbegettingspecificenough.Tryreplacingthosegenericplaceholderswithsomealternatesandcomparetheresults.Also,locateanynounsstandingalonewithoutthehelpofdescriptiveadjectivesandgivethemafriend.
GenericVerbs,Adjectives,andNouns:
Good,bad,food,walking,sitting,sad,smell,taste,hear,big,small,pants,shoes,shirt,dress,earrings,necklace,suitandtie,smile,face
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EXERCISE2.2.GeneratingPowerhouseVerbsInthelistbelow,you’llfindcommonverbsandadjectivesusedineverydayconversation.Totherightofeachgenericwordisalistofspecificwordsthatcanbeswappedoutforourone-ortwo-syllablesleepingpill.Forhelpcomingupwiththeselists,justlooktoyourthesaurus.Everytimeyoufeelyourselfrevertingbacktogeneralizedactionwords,refertothesmorgasbordofsynonyms.Tryfillinginyourownideasintheblanksbelowandcompletethelist.
Walk:wander,stroll,march,step,strut,shuffle
Put:lay,set,store,place,plant,fix
Said:utter,breathe,blurt,pronounce,stammer,stutter,mouth,jabber,muffle
Shine:glint,glare,sparkle,radiate,shimmer,flash,blaze,beam,flicker
Realize:discover,find,determine,unravel,interpret,unearth,disclose,recognize
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EXERCISE2.3.DailyDestinationWritingSixminutesisallyouneedtobegindestinationwriting.Reserveanotebookespeciallyforyourlyricgems,andsetatimerorwatchtheclocksoyoudon’trunover.Usingthelistofplaces,people,andtimesinappendixA,letyourstreamofconsciousnessflowoverthepaper.Remembertopostthesixkeysofconnectionsomewherethatyoucanrefertothemoftenwhileyouwrite.
WRITINGFROMTHESUBJECT
Muchofourdestinationwritingwillflowfromakeywordplaceor“where.”Butsometimes,you’llfindthatapersonortimeasyourkeywordwillyieldsomegreatmaterial.Whetheryou’rewritingfrombusstation,TVevangelist,orjustaftermidnight,you’llusethesamesixkeysofconnectiontotapintothatgreatsense-boundlanguage.
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sense-boundlanguage.
I’dliketotakethisopportunitytotellyouaboutmyAuntLouise.Ifyourfamilyisanythinglikemine,you’llunderstandthatafterThanksgivingdinner,she’sgotherhandsinthedishwaterwhileherhusbandofthirty-nineyearsretireshisbulgingbellytotheliving-roomeasychair.Now,let’ssaymyAuntLouiseisthekeywordthatsparksmynextdestinationwriting.ThereareafewwaysIcanapproachthissubject,soI’lljuststartfromtheshoesofAuntLouise:
KEYWORD:AuntLouise
Igazeddownatmydry,roughfingersswishinginthemurky,lukewarmdishwater.Theyweren’tattractiveanymore,Ithought.Thehandsofaworkinggirl.Athinfilmofgreasefloatedoverthesurfaceofthewaterastinysoapsudspoppedanddissipatedintonothingness.Thedrainactedlikeafunnel,suckingsmalldosesoftheparticledwaterwithawheezyslurringsound.Ismiledasthelaughterfromthelivingroomdriftedunderthedoorintothekitchen.Familymeanteverythingtome,thekids,thegrandkids,theexes,andthein-laws.Totakecareofthemwasmyjoyinlife.
Wecanseethepowerhousesatworkwithspecificverbsandadjectiveslikeswishing,wheezy,slurring,andpopped.Thosedetailsallowourlistenertoexperiencethiseventratherthanjustwatchitfromadistance.Butthereissomethingelseatworkhere.YoumayhavenoticedthatinsteadofwritingaboutAuntLouise,IbecameAuntLouise.Using“I”insteadof“she”providedanintimacythatmaynothaveotherwiseoccurred.Thisiscalledfirstpersonpointofview.Whendestinationwritingfrom“who,”itisoftenhelpfultowritefromfirstpersonpointofview,assumingtheroleofthemaincharacterofthesong.
Whendestinationwritingfrom“who,”itishelpfultoassumetheroleofthemaincharacterofthesong.
Thatway,thedetailshavetheopportunitytobecomeasintimateaspossibleandtheexperienceasauthenticasitcanbe.Lateron,wecanchangeourpointof
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andtheexperienceasauthenticasitcanbe.Lateron,wecanchangeourpointofview,ifwecan’tseehowAuntLouisewouldmakethetop-tenlistforournextrecord.
ButthereisanotherwaytowriteinfirstpersonwithouttakingontheroleofAuntLouise.Icouldwritefromthepositionofanoutsider.MaybeI’marelative,afriend,alostlove,orevenastrangerpassingbyherkitchenwindow.WhoeverIam,I’mstillwritingwith“I.”Thedetailsaregivenstrongerpurposeandtheemotionsmademoreintensebecauseofmyintimaterelationshiptothestory.DistancingmyselffrommymaincharacterrisksweakeningtheintensityoftheemotionIamabletofeel.Thisdoesn’tmeanthatonlysongswritteninfirstpersonpointofviewsucceedinrelatingstrongexperiences.Butwhatwe’retryingtodointhisstageofourwritingisbecomeintimatelyacquaintedwithourstory.Ifwe’renotspecificwithwhatemotionwe’retryingtoevoke,thefeelingtheaudienceexperienceswillalsobeunspecific.Lateron,wecanplaywithperspective,oruseAuntLouiseonlyasametaphorandameansforconveyingourultimatechorusmessage.
Let’susethesamekeyword,onlythistime,takeontheroleofanoutsider:
KEYWORD:AuntLouise
Herhandsdelicatelydrewthetatteredwashclothoverthepan,dunkingthegriddlehalfwayintothedishwaterbeforedrawingitupagainandinspectingwhatwasleftofthegrease.Wispsofhairfelloverhereyesandshebrushedthemawaybehindherears.IthoughtIcouldhearherhumming,andoutofthecornerofmyeyeIsawherhipsswayalittle.AsIclearedtherestofthedishesfromthetable,IthoughtabouthowmanyThanksgivingswe’dsharedatherhouse.Evenwhenthingsweren’tgreatatmyownhome,shealwaysmanagedtomakethisfeelliketheplaceIbelongedandthefamilythatcouldn’tlivewithoutme.
Thedescriptionisjustasintimateandtheconnectionjustasbelievable,butmyrolehassimplymovedoutsideofAuntLouise.
Let’ssayI’dliketowriteasongtogoalongwiththatfantasticvideocollageyourcousinHernandohadbeenwhippingupforyourauntanduncle’sfiftiethweddinganniversary.TheexperienceIwanttocreateisoneofnostalgiaandrespect.Insteadofactingasamaincharacterinthesong,I’dliketofocusthe
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respect.Insteadofactingasamaincharacterinthesong,I’dliketofocusthetunearoundthehappycouple.
KEYWORD:AuntLouise
Sheswishedherhandsinthemurkydishwaterandfeltfortherattedgreenspongesheusedtoscrubthedriedgravyfromthegriddle.Fromthelivingroomfloatedaheftychucklefromthegutofherhusbandofmoreyearsthanshecouldremember.Shesmiledtoherself,asthedroneoftheTVfilledthehousewithawarmthandglowthatsurroundedthemfornearlyalltheirmarriedlife.Itwasn’talwayssoeasy.Sheexaminedherfingernails,softandopaqueasifshehadrubbedherhandsinchalkdust.Thesmelloflemonandchlorinedriftedfromthedishwasherandshecouldalmosttastethedryheatescapingfromtherinsecycleintotheair.Shedrewtapwaterfromthekitchensinkandlitthegasundertheteapot.Itsparkedandhissedasdropletsdrippedfromthebottomedgeoftheceramicpotdownintotheelements...
Whenwritingfrom“who,”ithelpstoimagineanactionbeingperformed.Forexample,“middle-agedwoman”mightnotgiveyoumanyideas.But,“middle-agedwomanpaintinginthenude”wouldcertainlyarousesomequestions.Addinganactionhelpsustogetmorespecificwithourdetails.
Differentrolesyielddifferentdetails.Inallroles,thedetailswechoosetoincludearetheresultoftheintimateportrayaloftheexperience.Writingfrom“who”aswellas“where”canleadtosongideasweneverimaginedwehad.Andwhodoesn’twantmoreideas?
WRITINGFROM“WHEN”
Thereisonemoretypeofkeywordwecanuseasthetopicforourdestinationwriting.Wecanuseatimeor“when”tosparkspecificdetailsandcontent.Whetherornotwe’reawareofit,“when”alwaysplaysaroleinourdestinationwriting.Inthecaseof“airport,”“when”wasdefinedasamomentprobablynolongerthanaminutewhilewaitingandwatchingothersaroundme.ForAuntLouise,“when”wasafterdinnerwhiledoingdishes.Theinterestingthingabout“when”isthattheshorterthetimethatpasses,themorespecificthedetailswecanprovide.Conversely,thelongerthespanoftime,themoregeneralizedthe
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canprovide.Conversely,thelongerthespanoftime,themoregeneralizedthedetailsendupbeing.Rememberthatconnectionwithouraudiencedependsonourabilitytocauseanexperience.Generalizationsdoverylittletograbandholdattention,soI’llsayitagain:
Thenarrowerthetimeframe,themorespecificthedetail.
ImagineyouandImeetfacetofaceforthefirsttime.Afteryouintroduceyourself,youpolitelyaskhowIam.Now,deepdown,Iknowthatit’ssimplyapleasantry,andyou’renotreallyinterestedinhearingaboutmydogbarkingat3A.M.,thehotwaterheaterthatalwaysseemstoprovideonlyenoughwaterformyupstairsneighbortotakealongrelaxingdip,andtheshirtIintendedonwearingthismorningtossedinaheapinthedirtylaundry.No,I’dprobablyjustsay,“Fine,thankyou,andyou?”Thepointis,totrulyexpectyoutounderstandandexperiencehowIwasfeeling,I’dhavetogointogreaterdetail.Grazingthesurfaceofthoseeventsforcesyoutostayontheoutsideofmyexperience.
Now,let’ssaywekneweachotherverywell,andyoucouldsensethatIwasunusuallyupset.Insteadofbombardingyouwiththehighlightsofmywholenight,I’dchooseamomentthatcapturesthetruefrustrationIexperienced:“Ican’tconcentrateandmythoughtsarescattered,nowthatmynewpuppyrespondstoeverythumpandtwitteroutsidemybedroomwalls.WhenIglancedattheclocklastnight,itwasjustafter3A.M.Mybedsheetswererumpledfromhisclawsshufflingthecottonintoathickballbeforehe’dthrusthisnoseunderneathandsnort.Thenhe’dperkhisearsandtailstraightoutlikeadart,andcatapultoffthebed.InStevieWonderstyle,he’dswayhisheadsidetosideandbarkaimlesslyuptowardsthewindow.”
Atthispoint,Ihavegivenyouenoughdetailthatyoucouldrelatetoandimaginemyfrustration.Thatexperiencecausesconnectioninawaythatgrazingthesurfaceofmorenumerouseventsnevercould.
Wecanthinkoftimeanddetailasacycle,eachonefeedingtheother.Themorespecificthetime,themoreconvincingthedetail.Inotherwords,themoredetails,thelesstimethatpasses.
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Whenwetalkabouttheamountoftimethatpasses,we’renottalkingabouttheplotofthewholesong.Manyeffectivesongsdescribeeventsthattakeplacefromchildhoodtoadulthood,orbeforearelationshiptoaftertherelationshiphasended.Whatwe’reinterestedinisidentifyingwhathappenswithinasinglesongsection.Thosedetailsarethefruitsofourdestinationwriting.Theyaretheresultofaspecifictime,person,orplace.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
Sting,“StolenCar(TakeMeDancing)”JoniMitchell,“ACaseofYou”MelissaEtheridge,“AllAmericanGirl”
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MelissaEtheridge,“AllAmericanGirl”BobDylan,“BigYellowTaxi”
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ChapterSummary
1.Destinationwritingisstream-of-consciousnesswritinginvolvingthesensesanddirectedaroundakeywordplace,person,ortime.2.Thesixkeysofconnectionaretaste,touch,sight,smell,sound,andmovement.3.Experienceisconveyedthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbs.4.Howwewritemattersfarmorethanwhatwewrite.5.Theshorterthetimethatpasses,themoreconvincingthedetail.Thelongerthetimethatpasses,themoregeneralizedandlessconvincingthedetail.6.Whatexperiencedoyouwanttocauseforyourlistener?
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CHAPTER3TwoTypesofDetail
HIDDENCLUESOFDESTINATIONWRITING
Nowthatyou’veintroduceddailydestinationwritingintoyourcreativeprocess,let’sexplorehowwecanusetheseburstsofdetailtocomposesonglyrics.Readingbackoverthefirstdestinationwritingon“airport,”wecancategorizeeachphraseofourwritingintotwodifferenttypesofdetail.Thiscategorizationwillhelptoorganizethesubjectmatterandrecombineitintosongform.
Therearetwotypesofdetail:externalandinternal.Externaldetaildescribestheactionsorobjectssurroundingthemaincharacterofthesong.Thedetailisconcreteandoftenprovokesanimageinthemindofourlistener.Internaldetaildescribesthethoughtsandemotionswithinthemaincharacterofthesong.Thedetailisabstract,sometimesmetaphorical,anddoesnotprovokeanimageinthemindofourlistener.
ExternalDetail InternalDetail
•Actionsandobjectssurroundingthemaincharacter •Thoughtsandemotionswithinthemaincharacter
•Abstract
•Concrete •Doesnotprovokeanimage•Provokesanimage
•Oftenmetaphorical
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Tobetterunderstandthesetwotypesofdetail,let’srefertothe“Airport”destinationwriting.Eachsentenceismadeupofphrases.Phrasescanbetwoormorewordslongandwilloftenconsistofanadjectiveandnoun,anadverbandnoun,oraverbandnoun.Nowdon’tworry,youwon’tneedtohaveanin-depthstudyofgrammartodeterminethedifferenttypesofdetail.Allyouneedtobeabletodoisidentifyandisolatethosegroupsofwordsthatcreatethesephrases.
Phrase=Noun+Adjective/Adverb/Verb
Sometimesausefuldetailwillonlybeoneword—aspecificnounorverbthathelpstodescribethemoodandactionofthesurroundingdetail.Intheparagraphbelow,I’veunderlinedpotentiallyusefulphrasesandwordsinmydestinationwritingon“Airport.”
KEYWORD:Airport
IslumpeddownonthecoolplasticchairinfrontofgateB14.Thecrackintheseatexhaledastheweightofmyduffelbagsanklikeabarbellontop.AsIlookedaround,thewomannexttomewasreadingawornromancenovel,herbifocalsrestingontheballofhernose,herwristsrestingonherlapassherigidlyheldthebookupright.Themanbesideherglancednervouslyaround,pattinghisrightshirtpocketforcigarettesandmurmuringexpletivesashefoughtwiththebuttonthatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief.ThesmallofmybackachedasIshiftedinmychair.Icombedmyhairwithmyfingers,feelingthefutilityofsiftingthroughmybagforabrush.Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodays,beingtrappedonabus,thenatrain,thenanotherbusuntilfinallybeingspitoutinthehustleofanairportcrowd,misshapenandgenerallydisgustedwiththelinesatsecurity.Theintercomrangthroughtheterminal,muffledandwashedoutbythebuzzoftravelers.Mynosecaughtthepungentodorofahamburgerandfrenchfries...
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NoticethatIunderlinedsinglewordsandgroupsofwords,avoidingconjunctionsandprepositionsthatconnectedphrasestoeachother.(Foralistofprepositionsandconjunctions,refertoappendixB.)Mygoalhereistograbonlytheessenceofthephrase,retainingmyoriginalideainthesmallestgroupingpossible.Inlatersteps,you’llseehowthisstreamlinestheprocess,eliminatingclutterwhileallowingmoreflexibilitywhenrecombiningthephrasesintolyricallines.
YoumayalsonoticethatthereareafewphrasesthatIhavenotunderlined.“AsIlookedaround,”“thatkepthimfromhishabitualrelief,”“generallydisgusted,”and“thenanotherbus”arephrasesIhaveintentionallyleftblank.Thereasonisthattheessenceofthosephrasesissimplycommentary.Theyareevaluationsmadebythemaincharacter,myself,abouttheeventshappeningaroundme.Theyexpressthoughtsoremotionsandarethereforeinternaldetails.Asyoumayhavesuspected,theunderlinedphrasesareexternaldetails.Theydescribetheactionsandobjectssurroundingthemaincharacterandevokeanimageinsteadofathoughtorfeeling.Whendeterminingifaphraseisexternalorinternal,itissometimeshelpfultoholditagainstthesetwodiscerningquestions:
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonwithintheheartormindofthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisinternal.
Withoutthehelpofexternaldetails,internaldetailslieflatandremaintwo-dimensional.WesawtheeffectsofthatinchapterIwith“Baby,whenyouleft,ithurtsobad.”Aslyrics,theselinesresultinbored,fidgetingaudienceswhodon’t
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hurtsobad.”Aslyrics,theselinesresultinbored,fidgetingaudienceswhodon’trememberoursongsorus.Butwhenweprecedethoseinternaldetaillineswithexternaldetail,thethoughtsandemotionscomealivelikeastainedglasswindowinaburstofsunlight.
Nowthatwehaveidentifiedthetwotypesofdetailwithinthedestinationwriting,wecanlistthemintwocolumnstogetanoverviewoftheircombinationpotential.
Verysimply,we’lltransferthephrasesexactlyaswe’veunderlinedthemintoanExternalcolumnontheleftandanInternalcolumnontheright:
External Internal
Slumpeddown Airportcrowd
KepthimfromhishabitualreliefCoolplasticchair Misshapen
GateB14 Wristspoised
Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodaysCrack Lap
Seatexhaled Rigidlyheldthebookupright
Generallydisgusted
Weight Thenanotherbus
Duffelbag Manbesideher
aGlancednervously Linesatsecurity
Patting Intercomrang
Rightshirtpocket Terminal
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Cigarettes MuffledandwashedoutMurmuringexpletives
Foughtwiththebutton Buzzoftravelers
Nose
Smallofmyback Pungentodor
Ached HamburgerandfrenchfriesShiftedinmychair
Combedmyhair Fingers
Spitout SiftingthroughmybagHustle
Ballofhernose Brush
Womannexttome Trappedonabus
Sanklikeabarbell Train
WornromancenovelBifocalsresting
Sometimes,externaldetailcanbecomeinternal,asitisliftedoutofthedestination-writingparagraph.Thishappenswhenthephrasehasbeencuttoodrasticallyandtheessenceofthemeaningisdistilled.Anexampleofthisis“trapped.”IcaneithermovethewordintotheInternalcolumnandconsideritafeelingorthought,orIcanaddbackintherestofthephrase“onabus”to
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feelingorthought,orIcanaddbackintherestofthephrase“onabus”tocompletetheimageandleaveitintheExternalcolumn.
Whenyoufirstbegindestinationwriting,youmayfindyouhavealongerinternaldetaillistthanexternaldetaillist.Butwithpracticeandrememberingtostayfocusedonthosesixkeysofconnection,you’llbegintothrowmoreweightontheexternalcolumn.
Ifyoufindyou’rehavingdifficultydiscerningwhetheraphraseisexternalorinternal,don’tloseheart.Referbacktothetwodiscerningquestions,andthenaskyourselfwhetherthephraseproducesastrongimage,orifitismoreabstractormetaphorical.Aphrasehereandtherethatslipsthroughthecracksandresidesinthewrongcolumnwon’tmeansuddendeathtoyourlyric.Aswecontinuetheprocess,yourabilitytoidentifytheusefulnessofeachphrasewillsharpen.
Withourdestinationwritingseparatedintotwocolumns,wecannowseetheexternalandinternaldetailsclearly.Here’swherethemagichappens.Listencarefully,becausethiscangetsoexcitingthatyou’llfindyourselfforegoingnecessarychoresandhygienehabitslikecleaningoutlastmonth’sleftoversfromthefridge,feedingRover,andmaybeevenflossing.
Theexternalcolumnisthemajorityofmaterialthatwillbecometheversecontent.Itisourimmediatetoolforconnectionandthesecretweaponinbanishingboredomfromouraudiences.
Theinternalcolumnisthematerialthatwillaeratetheverseandprovidepurpose.Itjumpstotheheartofthematter,summingupwhythesongisworthwritingandlisteningto.
Theexternalcolumnwillbecometheversecontent.Theinternalcolumnwillaeratetheversewhileprovidingpurpose.
Usingtheseguidelinesasthecompassforoursongdirectionwillhelpustowriteasectionthatsoundsasrivetingandalsoasnaturalaspossible.Sohowdoweknowwhatsoundsnaturalandwhatdoesn’t?Well,firstwecanuseourears
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weknowwhatsoundsnaturalandwhatdoesn’t?Well,firstwecanuseourearsandinstincts.Butwealsohaveanothertoolcalled“weight.”No,don’tputdownthatjellydoughnut.Whenwetalkabouttheweightofasection,we’retalkingabouttheamountofessentialinformationthatispresentandthepaceatwhichthatessentialinformationisrelayed.
Weight=EssentialInformation+Pace
Readaloudthetwoversesbelow.Noticehowthefirstsectionisladenwithdetail,whilethesecondislightandmoregeneric.
Verse:ThemudfromourshoesleftprintsonthefloorandtherainonthestoopspilledinasitpouredtheshingleswereflappingthewindowswereclappingbutwestayedinsidesafeandwarmVerse:Babywecouldsaywhatwefeelanddowhatwesayrememberwhywe’retogetherandlookforwardtoforeverthennothingcanstopusnothingcantearusapartwiththesetwohearts
Aheavilyweightedsectionrequiresintenseconcentrationforthelistenertoprocess.Alightlyweightedsectionrequireslittleconcentrationandthereforereceiveslittleconcentrationtoprocess.Bothextremescanresultinalossofconnection.Abalancebetweenthesetwoextremesisthemostdesirableweightforasection.Sometimes,wecanfeelinstinctuallythatthescalesaredippingtoonesideortheother.Thoseinstinctsareavaluablegauge,andwiththetoolsofthenextchapter,we’lllearnhowtonotonlyidentifyheavyorflimsyareasbut
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thenextchapter,we’lllearnhowtonotonlyidentifyheavyorflimsyareasbutalsofixthem.
EXERCISE3.1.DistinguishingDetailCircleEforexternalorIforinternalnexttoeachphrasebelow.Whenindoubt,applythetwodiscerningquestionspresentedinthischapter.
1. EorI
Considermegone
2. EorI
Crisp,brittleoakleaves
3. EorI
Onlythelonely
4. EorI
Coarselywoven,tatteredquilt
5. EorI
Thinblackerasercrumbs
6. EorI
There’snooneelselikeyou
7. EorI
IthoughtabouthowmuchImissedyou
8. Eor
Thedoorstuck
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orI
stuckslightly
9. EorI
Coldrushofair-conditionedair
10. EorI
Butyou’renot
11. EorI
Draperiesfleckedwithgrease
12. EorI
Thiswouldallbebearableifyouwerehere
EXERCISE3.2.ApplyingIdentitiesPracticeidentifyingexternalandinternalphrasesinyourowndestinationwriting.Underlinetheexternaldetails,excludingprepositionsandconjunctions.Leaveinternalphrasesblank.
EXERCISE3.3.CreatingColumnsPracticelistingyourexternalandinternalphrasesintheirappropriatecolumns.Takeacleansheetofpaper,anddrawalinedownthecenter,markingtheleftcolumn“external”andtherightcolumn“internal.”Transferyourunderlinedandblankphrasesfromexercise3.2ontothenewsheet.
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LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
CountingCrows,“Mr.Jones”TheEagles,“HotelCalifornia”ToriAmos,“Winter”FaithHill,“OnaBustoSt.Cloud”
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ChapterSummary
1.Thetwotypesofdetailareexternalandinternal.2.Externaldetaildescribeswhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter.Internaldetailsdescribethethoughtsandfeelingsofthemaincharacterhimself.3.Aphraseisanounplusanadjective,adverb,orverb.4.Externaldetailsmakeupthebulkofversecontent.Internaldetailsaeratetheversewhileprovidingpurpose.5.Weightdeterminestheamountofconcentrationourlistenerneedstoprocessthesongdetail.
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CHAPTER4Rhyme
ROLLER-SKATINGFORMATCHES
Inthesixthgrade,Itookafewfieldtripstothelocalroller-skatingrinkwithmybrotherandafewotherswhosemomsrememberedtoturnintheconsentforms.Smashedpeanut-buttersandwichesandatokenbagofcarrotsinourknapsacks,we’dskateuntiljustpastdinnertimebeforeloadingthebustoridebackhome.Itwasindeedaspecialtreat.ButIalsoremembertheterrifyingentranceofaslowsongpumpingthroughthetinnyspeakersovertherink.Thatusuallymeanttherewasahumiliatinggameofsnowballahead,wherepubescentboyswouldlineupononesideoftheovalandpretendthewholethingwassilly,andblushinggirlswouldresttheirarmsagainsttheoppositewallwonderingifandwhentheywouldbepluckedfromtherowtodance.Well,I’llspareyouthedescriptionofthehorroronthefacesofthoseleftstandingalongthewalls,butIwillusethewholeordealasametaphorforrhyme.
Imagineourcolumnedphrasesrepresentedthegirlsandboyslinedupalongsidetheirrespectivewalls.Ourjobistofindrhymepairsforourlyricsbothbetweenandwithinthesecolumns.Let’susethecolumnsfrom“Airport”andseesomeoftherhymesthatexist.
External Internal
Slumpeddown Airportcrowd
KepthimfromhishabitualreliefCoolplasticchair Misshapen
GateB14 Wristspoised
Ihadn’tshoweredfortwodaysCrack Lap
Seatexhaled Rigidlyheldthebookupright
Generallydisgusted
Weight Then
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Weight upright Thenanotherbus
Duffelbag Manbesideher
Glancednervously Linesatsecurity
Patting intercomrang
Rightshirtpocket Terminal
Cigarettes MuffledandwashedoutMurmuringexpletives
Foughtwiththebutton Buzzoftravelers
Nose
Smallofmyback Pungentodor
Ached HamburgerandfrenchfriesShiftedinmychair
Combedmyhair Fingers
Spitout SiftingthroughmybagHustle
Ballofhernose Brush
Womannexttome Trappedonabus
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Sanklikeabarbell Train
Wornromancenovel
Bifocalsresting
Comparingsomeofthesoundsoutloud,Icancomeupwithalistofrhymeslikethis:
RhymePairs:Slumpeddown/spitoutCoolplasticchair/combedmyhairSmallofmybackached/duffelbagweight/seatexhaled
Icanalsolookwithinthephrasesforrhymesinsteadoflimitingmyselftojusttheendsofthephraseslisted:
gate/twodaysmurmuringexpletives/spitcrack/smallofmybackduffel/buttonseat/habitualreliefdisgusted/buttonnervously/murmuringbus/nervous
Youmightbelookingatthislistandthinking,“Ididn’tknowthatnervouslyandmurmuringwererhymes.”Strictlyspeaking,theyarenot.Butrhymeasitpertainstolyriccanpushtheenvelope,ridingonrhythmsandtheebbandflowofmusicalphrasingtoconvinceourearsofaconnection.Sometimesalooseconnectionismoredesirable,aswe’llexploreinthenextchapter.
Fornow,practicestretchingyourimaginationandpairingupyourgirlsandboys,externalandinternal,untilyouarriveatalistofpossiblematches.Withsomanyoptionsbeforeweevenbegintowriteourlyric,wefindourselvesinauniqueposition.Ideaswewouldhavesearchedlongandhardforarenowright
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uniqueposition.Ideaswewouldhavesearchedlongandhardforarenowrightinfrontofus.Rhymesthatmayneverhavesurfacedarenowavailable.Bestofall,ourlyricispositionedtosoundnaturalandutterlyoriginal.
EXERCISE4.1.FindingRhymePairsUsingoneofyourdailydestinationwritings,identifyasmanyrhymesasyoucanfromyourexternalandinternalcolumns.Listtheminthespacesbelow.
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TORHYMEORNOTTORHYME
Thisisyourchancetousethegoodeducationonrhymingyoureceivedinyourpreschoolyears.Someofthefirstrhymesyouprobablylearnedwere“cat”and“hat,”“see”and“bee,”and“car”and“star.”Thatrhymetypeiscalledperfect
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“hat,”“see”and“bee,”and“car”and“star.”Thatrhymetypeiscalledperfectrhyme,andrequiresthatboththevowelsoundsandtheendingconsonantsoundsmatch.Stickingtothatrhymetypealoneprettymuchensureswe’llneverbeabletofinishalinewith“orange.”
Butwhatsomeonefailedtotellusisthatthereisawholeworldofrhymeoutsideofcatsandhats.That’swhereotherrhymetypescomein.Theyallowustoexpressourselvesexactlyaswewouldinnaturalconversation.Andasyouremember,ourconnectionwithourlistenerdependsonourabilitytocreateastrong,believableexperience.
Therearefiverhymetypesyouwillfindyourselfusingoverandoverinyourlyrics.Formoredetailedbackgroundonthesetypes,refertoSongwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhymingbyPatPattison(BerkleePress,1991).
Forourpurposes,we’lltalkaboutrhymeinitsabilitytocreateabelievableexperience.Sometimes,aperfectrhymedoesnotlimitcontent.Inotherwords,sometimeswegetlucky,andtheperfectrhymeconveysexactlythemeaningweintend.Butothertimes,weareguiltyofchoosingawordforitsabilitytorhymeratherthanitscontent.Whatresultsisafeelingofcontrivance.Theaudiencemaynotbeabletoputintowordswhytheyemotionallycheckout,butitisoftenbecausetheyaresuddenlypayinglessattentiontowhatwe’resayingandmoreattentionto“how”we’resayingit.Choosingawordbasedsolelyonitsabilitytorhymerarelypaysoff.
Sohowdoweknowwhenwe’rehittingthemarkandwhenwe’retakinglongshots?Onewayistoconsidertheamountofclosurearhymeprovides.Closureisthedegreeofperfectiontowhichtherhymecausesfinality.Perfectrhyme(well,sell)providesthemostclosure.Consonancerhyme,describedbelow(bag,log),providestheleastclosure.Thestrongestdegreeofperfectionissometimesthebarestgiveawayofpoorcontent.Iftherhymeappearstooobvious,thelistenerismorelikelytodoubtthatwhatwe’resayingistrue.Thesamecangoforverylooserhymeaswell.Ifthematchistooawkward,itmaydrawattentionawayfromwhatwe’resayingandontohowwe’resayingit.Sotheanswerliesinourabilitytohearthedifference.Aswithallrhyme,thebeginningconsonantsmustbedifferentoritwouldqualifyasidentity,wherewefeelanawkwardrepetitioninsteadofclosure.
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Type1.PerfectThestrongestdegreeofclosureisperfectrhyme.Perfectrhymemeansthatboththeendingconsonants(ifany)andstressedvowelsoundsoftwowordsmatchexactly.
Examplesofperfectrhymeare:well,sell;chase,face;saw,flaw;form,dorm.
Type2.FamilyThesecondstrongestdegreeofclosureisfamilyrhyme.Familyrhymeoccurswhenthestressedvowelsoundsmatchexactlyandtheendingconsonantsoundsarecloselylinked.Familyrhymesarelikecousinsofperfectrhymes.
Someexamplesoffamilyrhymeare:wet,deck;dame,grain;float,yoke;math,pass.
Type3.Additive/SubtractiveThethirdstrongestdegreeofclosureisadditive/subtractiverhyme.Likeitsname,additiverhymemeansthataconsonantendinghasbeenaddedtothematchingvowelsounds.Subtractiverhymemeansthataconsonantendinghasbeendeletedfromthematchingvowelsounds.
Examplesofadditiverhymeare:stow,hope;year,feared;down,found.
Examplesofsubtractiverhymeare:bake,stay;shout,now;roll,know.
Type4.AssonanceThefourthstrongestdegreeofclosureisassonancerhyme.Assonancerhymerequiresthatthestressedvowelsoundsmatch,butthattheendingconsonantsoundsbedifferent.Keepinmindthatassonancecaneasilybecomefamilyrhymeiftheendingconsonantsoundsarerelated.
Examplesofassonancerhymeare:rope,known;straight,fame;still,grip.
Type5.ConsonanceTheweakestdegreeofclosureisconsonancerhyme.Consonancemeansthatthevowelsoundsdonotmatch,buttheendingconsonantsarethesame.Youcanthinkofitastheoppositeofassonancerhyme.
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Examplesofconsonancerhymeare:bag,log;ground,bond;stood,wade;sock,back.
Sometimesthepairwon’tstrictlyadheretoanyofthesedescriptions.“Nervously”and“murmuring”haverhymedbeginningsoundsof“ner-”and“mur-,”buttheendingsoundsdiffer.Accordingtoourdefinitions,thatmightseemmostlikeassonancerhyme.Thebottomlineisthatsometimesthefinaldecisioncomesdowntoourmostvaluabletool:ourears.
EXERCISE4.2.TheFiveRhymeTypes
For each word provided, supply a rhyme using each of the fiverhymetypes.
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STRUCTUREANDSCHEME
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Whenitcomestorhyme,therearetwootherimportantfactorsindeterminingamatchandtheamountofclosurethematchprovides.Theyare:
Positiontherhymeholdsintheline.Positiontherhymeholdsinthesection.
Letmeillustrateeachwiththelyricsbelow:“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin’”
TheTVisflashingandblurredinthebackgroundassheclearstheplatesoffthetableAndsighsatthedishesthenslipsoutapicturetapedbythecupboarddoorhandle
Thesectionyou’vejustreadismadeupoftwogroupsofthreelines.Therhymeschemeinthefirsthalfmirrorstherhymeschemeinthesecondhalf.Whentwolinesrhyme,theyarerepresentedwiththesameletter.Linesthatdonotrhymewithanyotherinthesectionarenotatedwithan“X.”Uponlookingatthissection,itcanbedifficulttotellwheretherhymesoccur.Butifweareopentolooserhyme—thosethataresimilarinsoundbutnotexact—wecanbegintoseetherhymeschemeemergethatourearsalreadyhear:
TheTVisflashing A
andblurredinthebackground A
assheclearstheplatesoffthetable B
Andsighsatthedishes C
thenslipsoutapicture C
tapedbythecupboarddoorhandle B
Eventhoughlines1and2areaverylooseassonancerhyme,theyprovidea
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Eventhoughlines1and2areaverylooseassonancerhyme,theyprovideadegreeofconnection,weavingthelyrictogetherwithacommonthread.Thesamerhymetypeoccursinlines4and5,anotherlooseassonancerhymecontinuingthepattern.Finally,line6closesdownthewholesectionwithaconsonancerhymefor“table.”
Sowhyisclosuresoimportant?Orinotherwords,whatwouldhappenifthislyricwerewrittenwithperfectrhymegivingmoreclosure?Howaboutiftherewerenorhymeatall,givingnoclosure?Andhowwoulditaffecttheoverallbelievabilityofthesectionandtheintensityoftheexperienceitcauses?Toanswerthesequestions,let’stakealookatthesectionrewrittenwithperfectrhymeinexactlythesamepositionsastheconsonanceandassonancerhymes.
TheTVisflashingpotatoesaremashingassheclearstheplatesoffthetableandsighsatthedishesandsilentlywishesshe’llfindawayoutwhenshe’sable
ThesectionisstillAABCCB,butthedegreeofclosureisextremelystronginlines1and2andlines4and5.Similarly,theconnectionsbetweenthethirdline“table”andtheclosingline“able”areequallyhardtoignore.Whathappenedtoourcontentwhenwelimitedouroptionstoperfectrhyme?Inthiscase,thecontentofline2dependedontheavailablerhymes“stashing,smashing,cashing,hashing,bashing,”etc.Thepossibilitieswereevensmallerwhenweconsideredperfectrhymesfor“table.”Whatresultsisalyricthatsettlesforlessthantheoriginalmeaningweintend.Ratherthanpreventmyselffromeverusingtheword“table”inasongagain,Icanlookoutsidetheobviousrhymes.Thatway,I’mneveraforegoneconclusionintheearsofacriticalaudience.Thereisastrongpossibilityherethattheperfectrhymesdrewattentionbecauseoftheirobviousquality.Sotherearesometimestwocommonproblemsassociatedwithperfectrhyme:
1.Limitedcontent2.Strongfinalitythatdrawsattention
Eachcaseisdifferent,butourearswilloftenletusknowiftherhymeistakingusdownoneofthosetwodead-endroads.Now,let’sseewhathappenswhenwedon’trhymeatall.Thecontentiscompletelyunpredictablewithnoclosureatanypointduringthesection:
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closureatanypointduringthesection:TheTVisflashingAndblurredinthehallwayAssheclearstheplatesoffthetableAndsighsatthedishesAndslipsoutapostcardHidinthecanwiththecoffee
Especiallynowthatwe’refamiliarwithwheretoexpecttherhymes,thewholesectionsoundsawkward.Atnoplacedowehearanycommonthreadbetweenthelines.Wecouldconcludethenthatrhymestrengthensthesensethatcertaincontentandwords“belong”inthesong.
Thereisanotherimportantconclusionastothestructureofrhymeandhowitrelatestomusic.Inthenextchapter,we’llexplorehowthisrelationshipmakesitpossibletowritelyricsbeforewritingthemusicandstillarriveatasongthatachievesallourmusicalgoals.
Nowthatwe’vegottenalittlebackgroundonrhyme,let’sgatherthosetoolstohelpusmaximizethemusicalsettingofourlyrics.
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ChapterSummary
1.Rhymepairscanbecreatedfromboththemiddleandtheendofexternalandinternalphrases.2.Thefivetypesofrhymefromstrongestdegreeofclosuretoleastareperfect,family,additive/subtractive,assonance,andconsonance.3.Thepositiontherhymeholdsinthelineandthepositiontherhymeholdsinthesectiondeterminetheamountofclosuretherhymepairprovides.4.Commonproblemsassociatedwithrhymearelimitedcontentandstrongfinalitythatdrawsattention.5.Bothstrictandlooserhymecanresultinalossofconnection.6.Ourmostvaluableassetisourears.
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CHAPTER5ReflectionsofMusicFormandStructure
THELANGUAGEOFPHRASING
Aswriters,wemayfancyourselvespoetsorstorytellers.Butaslyricists,we’vegottokeepastrongholdonthosereinsoffree-flowingprose.Connectingwithourlistenerrequiressignals,keyingthemintowhensectionsbeginandwhentheyendandwhichphrasesaremostcentraltothemainpointandwhichare
not.
Imaginethatlyricsarelikethemapofathemepark.Nowimaginethemusicwastheactualthemeparkitself.Asyouwalkpastthecottoncandykiosk,aroundthegiantteacuprideand
overthewalkingbridgetotheTilt-a-Whirl,youfolloweachpointonyourmap.Butwhenyoufinallyarriveattherickety,ex-con-operatedthrillride,yourealizethatyourmapactuallyshowsa
foodcourtinitsplace.Thinkingthatyou’vemisreadthemap,youspendthenextmomentstryingtocoordinateyourselfwithotherlandmarks.Everythingelsechecksout,butyoucan’tshakethefeelingyou’renotwherethemapsaysyou’resupposedtobe.
Thesamegoesfortherelationshipbetweenmusicandlyrics.Justasalyrichasstructurethatismadeupoflines,musichas
structurethatismadeupofphrases.Thesignalsofstructureandrhymethatarepresentinalyricmustcoincidewiththesignalsofstructureandrhymeinthemusic.Evenbeforewecomposethemusic,wecangetanideaofwhatthemusicwilllooklikebecause
ofthelyricstructureandrhymeschemewechoose.
Sowhatarethesignalsofstructureandrhyme?Andwhyisitimportanttoheedthesignalsandfollowtheirdirection?
Toanswerthesequestions,wemustfirstbeabletoheara
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Toanswerthesequestions,wemustfirstbeabletohearamusicalphrase.Songmelodiesaren’tjustmeanderingnotes
scatteredacrossanunpredictablenumberofbars.Theyarelargeideasmadeupofsmallerideascalled“phrases.”Thesephrasesaren’tanunpredictablestringofnoteseither,butarerelatedinrhythmandinterval.Therhythmsandintervalsthroughoutthemelodyandharmonyrepeatoverandover,givingthesonga
consistentidentityallitsown.
Consider“MaryHadaLittleLamb.”Let’susethebasicrhythmofthatnurseryrhymeasanexampleofafour-line
section.Feelthematchingrhythmsoflines1and3andlines2and4,asyoureadalong:Maryhadalittlelamb
whosefleecewaswhiteassnowandeverywherethatMarywent
thelambwassuretogo
Therearefourphrasesthatmakeupthelargersection.Eachphraseisagroupofnotesthatprovideonevaluablelinkinthe
wholetune’sentity.Again,wemightthinkofaphraseintermsofaroadmap.Let’ssayyouwanttotravelfromPittsburghtoNewYorkCity,soyouplotyourcoursealongHighway70.Andalongtheway,youplanonstoppingseveraltimes,justtomakesureyou’restilloncourse.ThedistancefromPittsburghtoyourfirststopisonemusicalphrase,orinournurseryrhyme,“Maryhadalittlelamb.”Thedistancefromyourfirststoptoyoursecondstopisanotherphrase,line2inourfour-linescheme.Thesecondstoptothethirdstopisanotherphrase,line3,andfinallythethirdstoptotheBigAppleisthefinalphraseofthetrip,line4.Now,
youmaybethinkingthatthisisutterlyelementaryandconsideringskippingaheadtothenextfewpages.Butinmy
experience,thereisnogreatermisunderstandingofyoungandoldwritersalikethanthewaywenotateourlyricalphrasesonpaper.Eachlinedenotesamusicalphrase.Eachmusicalphrasedenotes
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Eachlinedenotesamusicalphrase.Eachmusicalphrasedenotesalyricalline.Theymustcoincideforthelyrictoultimatelybe
applicabletoamelodyandharmonyinawaythatmakesmusicalsense.
Let’stakeourroadmapanalogyonestepfurther.SayyoudecidetostopatasketchylittlegasstationbetweenPittsburgh
andyourfirststop.Becauseit’snotamajorcity,youfindyourselffeelinglost,pulledoverinanareawheretherereallyaren’tanysignsthatyou’restillontherightpath.Sowisely,yougetbackinyourcaranddrivetherestofthewaytoyourfirstscheduledstoptofillup.Putinmusicalterms,stoppingbeforeyougettotheendofaphrasewillalsoleaveyourlistenerlost,searchingforsignsthatthey’restillontherightpath.Let’slookatthisinanotherway.Stoppinginthemiddleofamusicalphrasewouldbeasifyoupausedmid-sentencewhilehavingaconversation.Your
listenerswouldlikelywonderiftherewassomeemphasis,somegreaterpointthatunfortunatelytheymissed.Undoubtedly,theywouldintuitivelyknowthatsomethingwaswrong.Theresult
wouldbeafewstrangelooksandaguaranteethatwhateveryouweretalkingaboutwouldbeovershadowedbythewayyouwere
talkingaboutit.
Becauseoftherhythmofthenurseryrhyme,weknowthephrasingisfourlines.Let’sdenoteonephraseasanarrow,
pointingusallthewaytotheendofthelinebeforestoppingandstartingagain.
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Sofar,we’vetalkedaboutphrasesaslengthsoflines.Butwecanalsotalkaboutphrasingintermsofrhymescheme.Theverse
abovehasarhymeschemeofABAB.Whatdoestherhymeschemehavetodowithphrasing?Likewedidinourpreviouschapteronrhyme,let’sreplacetheexistingschemewitha
differentonetohearhowrhymeaffectstheoverallphrasingofthetune.
MaryhadalittlehorseWhosehairwasdarkasnightAndeverywherethatMarywentThehorsewouldfollowtoo
Thelengthofthelineshasremainedthesame,soweknowitisnotanissueofrhythmthatisthrowingusoff.Whenwechangetherhymescheme,somethinginterestinghappens.Thatlastlinesuddenlyfeelsawkward,asifitdoesn’tbelong.Thereasonisthatthemusicalphrasingsignalsthepresenceofarhymeschemethatdoesnotactuallycometopass.Themusicalphrasingisgivingus
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doesnotactuallycometopass.Themusicalphrasingisgivingusroadsigns,butwhenwefinallyarriveatourdestination,thepromisesthosesignsmakearen’tfulfilled.Thisleadsustoan
importantconclusionabouttherelationshipbetweenrhymeandmusicalphrasing:
Rhymereflectsthelengthofamusicalphrase.Amusicalphrasesuggeststheplacementofrhyme.
FOUR-LINESECTIONS
Musicalphrasesaremarkersthatsuggestwhererhymesfall.Inafour-linesection,therearethreetypicalschemesusedoverandoveragaininpopularsong.Theyare:1.XAXA2.ABAB3.AABB
Whentheserhymeschemesarenotoccurring,somethingmustbeoccurringmusicallytoaccommodate.Forexample,thelastlinemaybebrokenintotwoshorterphrasesthatrhymewitheachother:
MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywentthehorsewouldgowitheyesaglow
ThisschemewouldbewrittenasXAXBB,butissometimesmistakenforXAXA.Itisimportanttonotethattherhymebetween“go”and“aglow”iswhatbreaksthelineintwo.Rhythmically,thosetwophrasestogetherequalaslightlylongerphrasethanoneofthepreviouslines.Thelinecouldalsobeextendedwhereonlyonerhymeoccurs,butstilllaterthanexpected:
MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywentthehorsewouldgladlyletyoungMaryride
ThisschemeisstillXAXA,butthelastlineislengthenedtoreflecta
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ThisschemeisstillXAXA,butthelastlineislengthenedtoreflectalengtheninginthemusicalphrasing.Inbothoftheseverses,theplacementoftherhymereflectsthelengthofeachmusicalphrase.
Inthelasttwoexamples,thenurseryrhymehasencounteredalengtheningofthelastline.Let’slookatanothervariationoftheschemeXAXAinwhichthelastlineisshortened.
MaryhadalittlehorsewhosehairwasdarkasnightandeverywherethatMarywenthe’dhide
Nowtherhymeoccurssoonerthanweexpect,themusicalphrasingclosingwiththerhyme“hide.”Hereagain,themusicalphrasingsuggeststheearlyplacementoftherhyme,andtherhymereflectstheearlycloseofthemusicalphrase.
Wecansummarizethepossibilitiesforfour-linesectionsofXAXA,ABAB,andAABBasfollows:
1.Shortenedanddoubledlastline2.Lengthenedlastline3.Shortenedlastline
Byviewingsectionsasalterationsofafour-linestructure,wecanmoreeasilymakesenseofwhatisoccurring.
SIX-LINESECTIONS
Let’slookatanothercommonstructuretobetterunderstandtherelationshipbetweenlyricandmusic.Thisstructureusedinpopularsongsoverandoveragainissix-lines,oftenoccurringwiththefollowingrhymescheme:(“T”representsthetitlelineappearinginthesection.)1.XXAXXA2.AABCCB3.ABCABC4.XXTXXT5.AATBBT6.ABTABT
Noticethatnumber1andnumber4aresimilarwiththesubstitutionofatitle
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Noticethatnumber1andnumber4aresimilarwiththesubstitutionofatitleline.Thesamegoesfornumbers2/5and3/6.
Justlikethefour-linesection,thesix-linesectionismadeupoftwohalves.Eachhalfisathree-linegroupfollowedbyanotherthree-linegroup.Inthesong“That’sAmore,”therearetwogroupsofthreelinesmakingupthesix-linesection.ThissectionhasarhymeschemeofAATBBT,thetitleappearinginthemiddleandlastlineofthelyric.
“That’sAmore”byJackBrooksandHarryWarren
Whenthemoonhitsyoureye A
likeabigpizzapie A
that’samore T
Whentheworldseemstoshine B
likeyou’vehadtoomuchwine B
that’samore T
Atfirstglanceitlooksandsoundslikeasimplesix-lineverse.Butlet’sseewhathappenswhenwechangetherhymescheme,shorteningthephrasesbyprovidingrhymehalfwaythrougheachline:
Ifyoujump A
ifyouspin B
ifyourun A
ifyougrin B
that’samore T
Nowthishalfoftheoriginalverselookslikeafour-linesectionplusatitleline.Often,thesectionthatiswrittenasABABTcanalsobewrittenasAAT.Thedifferenceisthelengthofthemusicalphraseswechoosetoreflectwithour
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Thedifferenceisthelengthofthemusicalphraseswechoosetoreflectwithourlyricalphrases.
Whenwewriteourownlyric,itisonlyimportantthatweidentifywhichstructurewe’reworkingtowards:four-lineorsix-linewithsomealterationofeitherashortenedorlengthenedline.Thatway,we’llalwaysknowthatwhatwe’reaccomplishinglyricallycaneasilyberepresentedmusically.Forexample,I’llrewritethefirsthalfoftheverseinordertoreflectthesamephrasingpatternsasmyrewrite:
Whenthemoonhitsyoureyelikeabigpizzapiethat’samoreIfyoujumpifyouspinifyourunifyougrinthat’samore
Havingtheabilitytodistilleachsectionofyoursongtoasimplerstructurewillhelptoidentifyandfixproblemareas.Eventhemostcomplexmelodieshaveidentifiablepatternsandsomedegreeofpredictabilitythatispleasanttoourears.
EXERCISE5.1:CreatingFour-andSix-LineSectionsPracticecombiningthelinesbelowintoeitherfour-orsix-linesections.Youmayhavetoadd,subtract,andreorderthelinesinordertofulfilltherhymescheme.
Line1:Wheresounddisappears
Line2:Thelights,noise,andtraffic
Line3:Higherthanthunderandjetstreams
Line4:Wayupaboveallthestatic
Line5:Dustcaughtinsunbeams
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Line5:Dustcaughtinsunbeams
Line6:Andthinatmospheres
PHRASINGANDCONTENT
Wenowunderstandhowlyricalphrasesrepresentmusicalphrasesandviceversa.Butthereisanothersubtlerrelationshipbetweenthemarriageofmusicandlyric.Sofar,we’vebeentalkingaboutstructureandrhymescheme—thearchitecturalplansofourlyric.Nowwe’regoingtotalkaboutthebuildingitselfinallitsspiresandawnings.Inthiscorrelation,we’regoingtoapplywhatweknowaboutphrasingtotheprogressionofcontentwithinthelyric.
Theclosingofalargerhymeschemeoftensignalstheclosureofalyricaltopic.Similarly,theclosureofalargermusicalphraseoftensignalstheendofalargerlyricaltopic.
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largerlyricaltopic.
Let’sgobacktoMaryandherlittlelamb.Earlierwetalkedaboutthefour-lineversebeingmadeupoffourequallylongphrases.Butwhenwetalkaboutcontent,we’regoingtolookatthebiggerpicturewiththecompositeofsmallerphrasesintolargerphrases.Thenurseryrhymecanbedescribedastwolargephrases,eachonelinelong.Thesephrasescannotbecombinedanyfurthertoachieveanevenlargerphrasebecausethemelodyattheendofeachlineresolvesandrepeats.TheyarethelargestrepresentationofthephrasingofMaryandherlamb:
MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowAndeverywherethatMarywentthelambwassuretogo
Nowifyou’llentertainmeforamoment,let’sanalyzethecontentofthesetwolines.Thefirstthingwenoticeisthateachlargephraseisonesentenceorcompletephrase,notafragmentofasentenceorphrase.Thataloneisalyricalcluesuggestingthesetwolinesarethelargestpossiblephrases.Wealsonoticethatatthecloseofthefirstlargephrase,thecontentprogressestoanothertopicratherthancontinuingtheinitialfocus.Letmeillustratewhatwouldhappenifthecontentofline1werecontinuedthroughline2:
MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowWithhoovesblackandpolishedcleanandeyesblueandbold
Bycontinuingthecontentofthefirstline,wearecreatingasectionthatiswrittenaboutone“topic.”Bothvariations,eitheronetopicortwo,mayserveouroverallmessageofthesong.
Nowlet’sseewhathappenswhenthecontentchangestopicbeforethephrasingcloses.
Justasweestablishedinpreviouspagesthatmusicalphrasesrepresentthelengthoflyricalphrases,thesameappliestocontent.Amusicalphraseislikeasentence.Startinganewtopicmid-sentencewilldrawattentiontohowyou’respeakingratherthanwhatyou’respeakingabout.Yourlistenerwilleitherlookatyouwithconfusionandaskyoutorepeatwhatyoujustsaid,orkindlybutquicklyexcuseherselffromtheconversation.
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quicklyexcuseherselffromtheconversation.
Theeffectofclosingalyricalphrasedownbeforethemusicalphraseclosesdownisevenmoreawkwardattheendofasection.Intherewritebelow,we’releftwithasentencefragmentthatrequiresustoholdonuntilthenewsectionbegins:
Attheconclusionofthefirstverse,we’releftpausingon“found,”asking“foundwhat?”Thebrokenphrasetakesourfocusoffofthemeaningofthelyricandontohowawkwardit’sbeingsaid.Instead,we’ddobettertofindanotherwayofsayingthesamethingwhilekeepingtothephrasingsetbythemelody:
Nowlet’sexperimentwithchangingthecontentmidwaythrougheachlargerphrase,adheringtothesignalsofclosurethesmallerphrasesprovide.Inotherwords,let’strycombiningfourseparatecontentideasforeachofthefoursmallerphrases:
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Eachlineintroducesanewthought.Andjustaswebegintopicturethenewthought,wearequicklyusheredontothenext.Theresultofusingsmallermusicalphrasestodictatetopicmovementisjerky,surface-orientedcontent.Asyoucansee,themoretopicsthatareintroduced,thelessthetimethatcanbegiventoconvincingdetail.Asartists,we’retryingtocreateaconnectionwithourlistener.Ourgoalmustbetoidentifytheexperiencewe’retryingtocause.Ifitisanexperienceoflight-heartedfun,skimmingthesurfacemaybeappropriateforcausingthatexperience.Butifweareaimingforauthentic,deep-feltemotion,thensurfacedetailjustwon’tdo.
Thechartbelowoutlinesthenumberoftopicstypicallyintroducedinasectionoffourorsixlines.Likeourtypicalrhymeschemessuggestinthebeginningofthischapter,thesesectionsarecommonlymadeupoftwoequalhalves.Inafour-linesection,wetypicallyhavetwochoicesforcontent:
1.Allfourlinescontinueoneidea.2.Twolinesofoneideaarefollowedbytwolinesofanotheridea.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONSFORFOUR-LINESECTIONS
MarcCohn,“WalkinginMemphis”Nickelback,“Someday,Somehow”DonHenley,“BoysofSummer”
Inasix-linesection,somecommonchoicesare:
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Inasix-linesection,somecommonchoicesare:1.Allsixlinescontinueoneidea.2.Threelinesofoneideaarefollowedbythreelinesofanotheridea.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONSFORSIX-LINESECTIONS
AvrilLavigne,“I’mwithYou”FaithHill,“YouStaywithMe”MarkWills,“Don’tLaughatMe”
NumberofLines RhymeScheme
Numberof
Topics
2XX
1-2AA
XAXA
4 ABAB 1-2
AABB
XXAXXA
6 AABCCB 1-2
ABCABC
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ABCABC
Youmightseeapatternemerginghere.Evenifthesectionisanoddnumberoflines,thecontentconsistsofeitheroneortwotopics,withtheaddedlinecontinuingthetopicintroducedwiththesecondhalfofthesection.Youmayfindthischartsummarizingsometypicalstructures,rhymeschemes,andtopicmovementshelpfulasareferencewhenconstructingyournextsong.
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ChapterSummary
1.Justaslyricshavestructurethatismadeupoflines,musichasstructurethatismadeupofphrases.2.Rhymeschemereflectsthelengthofmusicalphrases.3.Musicalphrasessuggesttheplacementofrhyme.4.Twoverycommonversestructuresarefourandsixlines.5.Theclosingofalargemusicalphrasesuggeststheclosingofalargelyricalidea.
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CHAPTER6WritingtheVerse
SECRETSOFSTRUCTURE
Upuntilthispoint,we’vetalkedaboutrhyme,phrasing,andcontent.We’veevenlearnedtodistinguishexternalphrasesfrominternalphrasesandhowtoidentifyandcombinenaturallyoccurringrhymesintopairedideas.Throughoutthesechapters,Ihopeyou’vebeenexercisingyourdestination-writingmuscles,usingthewhere,who,andwhenlistsfromappendixAasyourkeywords.
Now,we’regoingtogettotheheartofthesongwritingprocess.Ihavefoundithelpfultobreakdowntheprocessofsongwritingintotensteps.You’realreadyfamiliarwiththefirsttwosteps,destinationwriting/creatingcolumnsandfindingrhymepairs,aswellastheimportanceverbsplayintheoverallstrengthoftheexperience.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality
Nowwe’regoingtoapplysteps3and4,combiningourinternalandexternalrhymepairstocreatesongsectionsweneverwouldhavecomeupwithotherwise.
Weknowthatsonglyricsfollowpatternsofrhythm,rhyme,andcontent.Thesepatternsappearoverandoveragaininalldifferentstylesofmusic.Wealsoknowwecanusethesepatternsasmodelsforourownsongs.ButthisnextpatternI’mgoingtoproposetoyouresultsinatoolfordevelopingcontentratherthanstructure.ItisaprocessIcall“toggling.”Togglingisastrategyfororganizingsongcontent.Itisameansofcombiningexternalandinternaldetailtoarriveataskillfullywrittensection.
Therearemanydifferenttogglingpatterns,butrhymeschemeandnumberoflinesinaparticularsectionoffergreatcluesastowhichpatterntouse.Crafting
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linesinaparticularsectionoffergreatcluesastowhichpatterntouse.Craftingoursongsectionswithtogglinghelpsusachieveafewimportantresults:
•Aproperlyweightedsection•Contrastbetweensections•Amoreintenseexperience•Presentationofourbestideas
Let’svisualizetheprocessoftogglingbylookingatthefirstverseofthesong“WhyGeorgia”byJohnMayer.
“WhyGeorgia”
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartmentbutIamtemptedtokeepthecarindriveandleaveitallbehind
YoumighthavealreadyanalyzedthisverseashavingsixlinesandarhymeschemeofXAAXBB.Ifyoudidn’tnotice,cutyourselfabreak.Thisisalearningprocess,andyou’llgetthehangofitthemoreyouactivelytrytolookforthesecharacteristics.Now,whataboutcontent?Aretherepatternswithinthecontentofthelinesthatyieldcluestohowwecouldwriteourownverse?
Theanswer,asyoumaynowsuspect,isyes,therecertainlyis.Wealreadydiscussedoneclueinthepreviouschapter:asectionbeingmadeupofoneoreventwotopics,changingmidwaythroughthesectionastherhymeschemerepeats.Inthisverse,thecontentreflectsthatpatternwitheachthree-linegroupmakingupacompletesentenceorthought.Butthereisanotherevenmoreusefulpatternpresentwithinthissection.Ithastodowiththemovementbetweenexternalandinternaldetail.Inmanysongs,thismovementcanfeelabitlike“toggling”betweenthetwotypesofdetail.Toidentifythetogglingpattern,wefirstneedtoidentifythefunctionofeachlineaseitherinternalorexternaldetail.Let’sreturntothosediscerningquestionsfromchapter3:
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonaroundthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.
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Ifso,thenthedetailisexternal.
Doesthephrasedescribewhat’sgoingonwithintheheartormindofthemaincharacter?
Ifso,thenthedetailisinternal.
Now,goingbacktothisverse,let’sassigneachlineanidentity:externalorinternal,orinsomecases,both.
“WhyGeorgia”byJohnMayer
Iamdrivingup85 External
inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoon External/Internal
juststuckinsidethegloom Internal
Fourmoreexitstomyapartment External
butamtemptedtokeepthecarindrive External/Internal
andleaveitallbehind Internal
Wecanseeherethatlines2and5havebothexternalandinternalqualities.Inline2,theideaofamorninglastingallafternoonismoreabstractandmetaphoricalthanamorningthatlastsuntil11:59A.M.Thatqualityshiftsthedetailfromconcreteexternaltoslightlymoreinternalandabstract.Similarly,line5shiftstheexternaldetailofkeepingthecarindrivetoslightlyinternalwhenthefeelingofbeingtemptedcomesintoplay.
Thismultipleidentityistypicaloflineslaterinasong.Asasongprogresses,thelinesoftenbecomemoreinternalandabstract.Thestrongerthefoundationofconcretedetailwehavetobuildon,themoreabstractinternaldetailcanadddimensionlateroninthesong.It’sallamatterofvalue.Withoutaparticular
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dimensionlateroninthesong.It’sallamatterofvalue.Withoutaparticularimagetogivevalueto,theinternaldetailfailstocauseanexperience.
Agoodwaytofindoutifalineismoreexternalorinternalistotryswitchingoutthelineinquestionforapurelyexternalorpurelyinternaldetail.Ifthesectionfeelsheavyandcluttered,amoreabstractlinewillalleviatetheproblem.Butifthesectionbecomesweakandflimsy,thenamoreconcretelineisneeded.Wecanthenmakeeducateddecisionsonhowtocombinetheexternalandinternalcharacteristicstoarriveatasectionwiththeproperweight,keepingthefocuscenteredonthecontentandnotonhowwe’representingit.
Nowthatwe’vegotaprettygoodhandleonthetypeofdetailofeachline,wecantakealookattheoverallpattern.Whatdoyounoticeabouttheorderofexternalandinternaldetail?Theycreateapatternthatestablishesitselfinthefirsthalfoftheverse,andrepeatsinthesecondhalf.ThatpatternisExternalExternal/InternalInternal,ExternalExternal/InternalInternal.Atthepositionthemusicalphrasesbeginandclose,thetogglingpatternalsobeginsandcloses.Whatemergesisaroadmapforcontentthatwecanapplytoourownsongsections.
ThetogglingstructureforthisverseiswrittenasEE/IIEE/II,averyeffectivepatternforsix-lineverses.Tounderstandwhythispatternissopopular,let’strychangingit.Whatdoyouthinkwillhappentotheflowofcontent?Orbetteryet,howwillitaffecttheexperienceandconnectionwecauseourlistener?Let’sexperimentwiththisideabyfirstreplacingthelastthreeexternaldetailswithinternaldetails.
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomI’vebeenthinkinghowsadnesscomesaroundeverytimethatmyhopesgetuptoosoonandthere’snothingIcando
It’snotbad,butwelosesomevaluableinformation.Withinternaldetail,weareineffect“telling”ouraudiencehowthesubjectfeelsinsteadofcreatinganexperienceofthatfeeling.Thefirsttwolinescreateagooddealofimagerythatsustainsthroughthesecondhalf,butIwonderiftheabstractnatureoflines3and4compromisetheabilityoftheversetocreateanexperience.The
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and4compromisetheabilityoftheversetocreateanexperience.Theexperienceitselfwillalwaysbemorepowerfulthantherelationofthatexperience.Now,let’strytheoppositeapproach,thistimeloadingthelastthreelinestothebrimwithexternaldetail.Youmayalsothinkabout“weight”whenyoureadandexperiencethissection:
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartmentandwhitelinesdottingadistantstretchofroadwithtreeshanginglow
Nowtheeffectisdramatic.Insteadofkeepinganintimateconnectionwiththelistener,thesongcontinueswithexternaldetailthatfailstorelatebacktothesubject.We’releftwithaheavinessinthatlastline,wonderingwhat“treeshanginglow”hastodowiththemainpointofthesong.
Let’stryonemorevariationonthistogglepattern,thistimeplacingtheinternaldetailrightupfrontinthefirstthreelines:
I’vebeenthinkinghowsadnesscomesaroundeverytimethatmyhopesgetuptoosoonandthere’snothingIcandoI’vebeendrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoonjuststuckinsidethegloom
Theexternaldetailsthatsobeautifullycapturedtheexperienceintheoriginalfirstthreelinesaredelayeduntilhalfwaythroughtheverse.Thethoughtsandfeelingsthatnowbegintheversecan’tcolortheexternaldetailwehaven’tyetheard,andsoaredifficulttorelateto.Iliketocomparethistypeofresulttosaltingasteakafteryou’veeatenit.Saltinganemptyplateafterthatlastbiteofcowdoesn’tdoanythingtomaketheT-boneinyourstomachtastebetter.It’sthesamewithexternalandinternaldetail.Externaldetailpresentedearlyonwillcolortheexperienceoftheinternaldetailtofollow.Internaldetailcan’tmaketheexperienceofexternaldetailtofollowmoreauthentic,nomatterhowtrueourintentionsmaybe.
Internaldetaildoesawonderfuljobofbringingpurposetodetail.Afterwe’vedescribedanimage,wecangivethatimageapointinthesongbycommentingabouthowwefeelorthinkaboutthatimage.JohnMayerdoesthiswith“juststuckinsidethegloom”and“andleaveitallbehind.”Thisbringsupan
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stuckinsidethegloom”and“andleaveitallbehind.”Thisbringsupaninterestingpointregardingthelastlineofasection,sittinginapositioncalledthe“powerposition.”Frequently,thispowerpositionreceivesitsinfluencefromitsability,orratherresponsibility,tosumupthemeaningofthewholesection.Justbyshiftingthecontentofthislastlinefromexternaldetailtointernalthoughtsandfeelings,wecansumupthesongandbringclosuretotheideaspresented.
Manytogglingpatternsendwithaninternaldetail,regardlessoftheinitialhalfoftheversepatternrepeatingitself.Withouttheculminationofthecontentsummedupinthatlastline,thecontenthasnopurpose.
Wecanthinkofsummarizingasectionwithinternaldetailinanotherway.ImagineIwastellingyouhowthismorningIrosearound5A.M.,thumbedacabridetotheairport,andsweatedinmyovercoat,asIranthroughthecrowdedsidewalksdraggingmytwooverstuffedsuitcasesandbulkycarry-onbehindme,thenblewintotheticketcounterbeforeracingdownthehallstosecurity.You’dlookatmewithanexpressionof“thenwhat?”Ormaybeeven“whyareyoutellingmethis?”Ouraudienceisnodifferent.Theydesireapointtoourstories,too.
Therearedifferenttogglingpatternsthatprovetobeeffectivefordifferentrhymeschemes,butmuchoftheireffectivenessdependsonourabilityto“feel”or“sense”theproperweightofthesection.Sometimes,thetogglingpatternisrepeatedhalfwaythroughasection.Sometimesthepatternlaststhroughoutthesection.Wemerelyneedtoopenourearsandeyesandbecomeawareofthepatternsweseeworkinginothersongs.Thenifinourownsongwefeelwecouldstrengthentheexperiencebysubstitutinganexternaldetailforaninternaloneorviceversa,wecan.Butthesebasictogglingpatternscanbelifechangingforasongwriter,givingusaspringboardfromwhichtoorganizeourideasandachievethegreatestflexibilitywiththoseideas.
Belowisachartofcommontogglingpatternsandtheirtypicalrhymeschemepartnersoftenfoundinhitsongs.Themorefluentyoubecomewiththepatternsandschemeslistedhere,thegreatersuccessandflexibilityyouwillfindinalteringthesepatterns.
NumberofLines TogglePattern
RhymeScheme
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2EI XX
II AA
EEEI XAXA
4 EIEI ABAB
IEII AABB
EEIEEI XXAXXA
6 EIEEII AABCCB
IEIIEI ABCABC
Onceinawhile,beginningwithinternaldetailcansufficeingrabbingtheattentionofouraudience.Theversebelowbeginswithinternaldetail,savingtheexternalforlater:
HerlovewasaTilt-a-Whirlspinningmearoundshehadmerunningcirclestillthedayshetossedmeout
It’snotuntillines3and4thatwegetsomeconcretedetail;however,theword“Tilt-a-Whirl”carriessomeweightasanimage.Manysongsthatuseimmediateinternaldetailemployametaphor.Here,thatmetaphorisathemeparkride,continuingthroughouttheverseandlaterthroughthewholesong.Metaphoraloneissometimesstrongenoughtogivethesongaflavorthatcreatesalastingimpression.It’salsoagreatwaytostayawayfromgeneralitieswhenwewrite.ThissameversewithouttheuseofmetaphorcouldeasilyfallintoNever-NeverLand,blandandlackingconnection:
Herlovewascapriciousspinningmearoundshehadmerunningcirclestillthedayshetossedmeout
Thegreatestpowerofametaphorisoftenitsabilitytopaintapictureinourminds.Whenwepresentthatpictureearlyoninthesongandbuildonit,we
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minds.Whenwepresentthatpictureearlyoninthesongandbuildonit,wekeepaddingdimensionandconnectiontothesong.Shiftingfrommetaphortometaphorwithinthesamesongcaninhibitconnectionbykeepingthelisteneronthesurfaceofmanyideasinsteadofdeeplyrootedinasingleidea.
EXERCISE6.1.TogglingInActionPracticetogglingthelinesbelowintotwo-,four-,andsix-linesectionsusingthefollowingtogglingpatterns:EEII,EIEI,IIEE,andEIEEIE.
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
anddusted‘roundthedoor E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
Ipulledbackthecurtains E
andletsunlightfloodthefloor E
andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I
PossibleAnswers:
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
anddusted’roundthedoor E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
allthatsleptwithinmesighed I
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
E
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IpulledbackthecurtainsE
andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I
Mustymemoriesfilledmymind I
allthatsleptwithinmesighed I
andasIdusted‘roundthedoor E
Iletthesunlightfloodthefloor E
Ibrushedawaythecobwebs E
asmustymemoriesfilledmymind I
anddusted’roundthedoor E
Ipulledbackthecurtains E
andallthatsleptwithinmesighed I
Iletsunlightfloodthefloor E
Whichoftheseversesfeelsmostnaturaland,inyourestimation,producesthestrongestexperience?
EXERCISE6.2.AppliedTogglingWriteanoriginalversefromanyofyourdailydestinationwritings.Usingyourexternalandinternalcolumns,toggleeitherafour-orsix-linesectionusingtherhyme-schemeandpatternpossibilitieslistedinthetogglingchart.
FILLINGINMISSINGLINES
Sometimes,whenwe’retoggling,wefindwe’remissinganexternalorinternaldetailtocompletetherhymescheme.Ifourdestinationwritinghasnotsupplieduswithalltherhymesorcontentweneed,wesimplypluginthephraseswedohaveandthenwriteanewline.Aslongaswefollowthetogglingpatternwithournewline,theideawillworknomatterwhatitis.
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ournewline,theideawillworknomatterwhatitis.
Let’sassumewe’vegotthreelinesofafour-linesectionandwishtowriteafourththought/feelingline(aninternaldetail).Sofar,thesectionlookslikethis:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andlawnchairsinthesnow External A
asIdrovepastthehouses External X
? Internal A
Itdoesn’tmatterwhatdetailwewriteforthatlastline,aslongasitdealswiththethoughtsandfeelingsofthecharacter.Itshouldbeabstractasopposedtoconcrete:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andlawnchairsinthesnow External A
asIdrovepastthehouses External X
1feltsoalone Internal A
Icouldeasilyinsertacompletelydifferentthought/feelingdetail:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andlawnchairsinthesnow External A
External X
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asIdrovepastthehouses External X
IthoughtI’doutgrown Internal A
Thesameistruefortheexternallines.Anyconcretedetailcanbereplacedwithanyotherconcretedetail:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Thereweretrashcansbydriveways External X
andsquaresonthelawns External A
wherelightspilledfromwindows External X
andmymemoriesweredrawn Internal A
Allweneedtodoismakesurewe’rechoosingourrhymeseffectively,matchingtheleveloforiginalityoftherestofourdestination-writing-inspiredsection.
CONNECTINGATOGGLEDSECTION
Gainingtheabilitytocombineourphrasefragmentsintoeffectivesectionsisahugestep.Butnow,we’regoingtolearnhowtoconnectthosephrasessotheynolongerseemlikeseparatepiecesofalargerpuzzle.Thesecrettoconnectionliesintinywordscalledprepositionsandconjunctions(foralist,refertoappendixB).Afterwe’veinsertedthephrasesfromourcolumnsintoourrhymeschemeandtogglepattern,wecanaddprepositionsandconjunctionswhereverneededtomakecompletesentences.Theabilityofoursectiontocreateanexperiencewilldependonourabilitytomakethesectionasconversationalaspossible.Themoreconversationalandnaturalthesectionsings,thestrongertheconnectionouraudiencewillfeel.
Let’susethesectionbelow,takenfrommycolumnson“Airport.”Eachlinefeelslikeaseparatefragmenteddetailwhenpluggedintothetogglingpatternandrhymescheme:
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Chairexhaled,Islumpeddown External X
Abarbell,atthegate External A
Combedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X
Giveintothewait(newline) Internal A
Whentheconnectorwordsareadded(indicatedinbold),theversetakesonlife:
ThechairexhaledasIslumpeddown External X
likeabarbellatthegate External A
andcombedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X
andgaveintothewait Internal A
Simplyaddingwordslike“the,like,as,and,but,with,while,”andpronounslike“I,”wecanturnastackofphrasesintoaconversationalsection.Noticethattheverseadherestoourideasonphrasing.Inthiscase,thewholesectionisonetopicsimplybecauseoftheword“and.”Conjunctionsandprepositionshavethepowertoeitherinsertapauseorkeepthesentencegoing.Here,I’vedividedthesectionintotwohalves,eachhalfacompletethoughtonitsown:
ThechairexhaledasIslumpeddown External X
likeabarbellatthegate External A
Icombedmyfingersthroughmyhair External X
andgaveintothewait Internal A
Sometimestheeffectsofconjunctionsandprepositionsaredramaticenoughtocreateafeelingofstoppingandstartingwithinasection.Ifthosestopsandstartsdon’tcorrespondwiththebeginningsandendingsofthemusicalphrasing,werunintoMaryandherlittlelamb’sproblemagain.Thegoodthingisit’softensimpletoreconnectphrasestomatchourmusicalphrasing.
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oftensimpletoreconnectphrasestomatchourmusicalphrasing.
Let’slookatanotherexampleofhowaddingprepositionsandconjunctionsturnsafragmentedstackofdetailsintoasingablesection.Thistime,let’suseAuntLouisefromchapter2asoursubject.I’vedrawnexternalandinternaldetailsfrommydestinationwritingtoconstructthesectionsbelow:
Verse1:DrewthetatteredwashclothPanwithgreaseWispsofhairfellinhereyesBrushedthembehindherearsVerse2:ClearedthedishesfromthetableHearherhummingthingsweren’tgreatatmyownhomeplaceIbelonged
HereI’veconstructedtwofour-lineverseideaswithalooserhymeschemeXAXA.ThefirstversefollowsatogglingpatternofEEEE,thenthesecondversechangesthelasttwolinestointernal.Becauseoftheheavyexternaldetailthroughoutthefirstandsecondverse,thoselastfewlinesareextremelyimportantingivingbothsectionsvalue.Asitreadsnow,thereseemstobeastrongdisconnectbetweentheideas.ButwhenIaddinsometinyconnectors,thestorybeginstoemerge:
Verse1:ShedrewthetatteredwashclothoverthepanwithgreaseaswispsofhairfellinhereyesandshebrushedthembehindherearsVerse2:AndasIclearedthedishesfromthetableIlistenedtoherhumEventhoughthiswasn’tmyrealhomeshemademefeelthatIbelonged
Inthesecondlineofverse2,Iwantedtoaccentuatethesoundof“-um”and“-ong”toreallygrabthatlooserhyme.ThatmeantIhadtochangethetenseoftheverb“humming.”Ikepttheideaforthecontentofthatline,butrearrangedthewordingtoachievetherhythmandrhyme.ThenIaddedthepronoun“I”tobenefittheconversationalqualityoftheverse.
EXERCISE6.3.UsingConjunctionsandPrepositionsPracticeaddingconjunctionsandprepositionstothefour-linesectionsbelow.Usethelistof
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prepositionsandconjunctionsinappendixBforideas.Experimentwithdifferentconnectorstohearhowtheyeachchangethemeaningofthecontent.
standingintheplaceIstartedfromroomIspentmylifeescapingfrompainteddresserandasinglebedcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdress
PossibleAnswer:I’mstandingintheplaceIstartedfromintheroomIspentmylifeescapingfromwithapainteddresserandasinglebedandcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdress
THETHREEELEMENTS
Inthepagesahead,we’regoingtolookatanothercharacteristicofgreatsongs.Onceyou’reawareofthistoolatwork,youcandecidehowthesongsyouwritewouldbenefitfromitsapplication.
Animportantaspectofcontentwecanlearnfromourfavoritesongsisthepresenceof“who,”“where,”and“when.”Inmostsongs,thesethreecharacteristicsgounnoticed,justtakenforgrantedaspartofthenaturalflowofthelyric.Butthesimpleomissionofjustoneoftheseelementscanseriouslyjeopardizeourconnectionwithouraudience.Let’sfirstlookatwhatwemeanwhenwelookforthepresenceofthesethreeelements.
Inthelyricbelow,wecaneasilyidentifywho,where,andwhen:“TimeafterTime,”byCyndiLauperandRobertHyman
LyinginmybedIheartheclocktickandthinkofyou
caughtupincirclesconfusion
isnothingnew
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Thislyriciswritteninfirstpersonperspective.“Who”is“my/I.”“Where”is“inmybed.”“When”issometimesmoredifficulttoidentify,becauseitisrarelyfoundstatedas“sixo’clock”or“thismorning.”Instead,itisreflectedintheformofbeing“lying.”Becauseofthepresentformofbeing,the“when”is“rightnow,”or“asthesongisbeingsung.”
Sometimes,thesethreeelementsaresubtler.Inthefollowinglyric,“when”isstillreflectedinthetenseoftheverbs,but“where”isrevealedinthedetailasearlyasline2,placingussomewhereonabusysidewalk.Westillget“who”rightupfrontinline1withthepronoun“L”
Nomatterhowsubtlethepresenceoftheseelements,theyclearlygivethelisteneratime,aplace,andasubjectearlyoninthesong.Thinkofthesethreeelementsaslegsofatripod.Ifanyoneofthemismissing,thesonglosesitsfootingandtheaudiencefeelsit.Nomatterhowhardwetrytoconvinceouraudiencethattheyshouldunderstandwherewe’recomingfrom,theywon’tquitebuyit.Let’sseewhathappenswhenweomitthepresenceoftheseelements:
IpulledmycoatintightAnddriftthroughtheconfusionSlippingbytheprintedlinesAndbreatheintheillusion
Anyoneofthelinesarejustfineontheirown,evengreatintheappropriatecontext,butasawhole,theexperiencethislyriccausesisconfusing.I’vemadeafewminorchangestosabotagethislyric.Thefirstwasplayingwiththetenseoftheverbs,creatingconfusionwith“when.”Thefirstlineisaboutaneventthathappened,butthesecondlineisacommandformofsomethingthatis
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happened,butthesecondlineisacommandformofsomethingthatishappening.Nowthatwe’renotsurewhetherthiseventishappeningorhashappened,we’respendingourattentiontryingtomakesenseofthedetailratherthanexperiencingthedetail.I’vealsoremovedasenseof“where”fromthelyric.Thisomissionleavestheartistfloatingoutintheworldoffeelingsandthoughtswithoutanimageforthelistenertograbonto.
Imagineafriendtellingyouthatshejustbrokeupwithherboyfriend.Knowingwhenandwhereithappenedwouldcertainlyallowyoutoconnectbetterwithherheadandheart,imaginingtheexperienceshemusthaveencountered.Themoredetailyougatheraboutwhereshewaswhenithappened,themorepersonalitfeelstoyou.Youcangiveyouraudiencethatsamepersonalrelationshipbycluingthemintowhereandwhenyoursongtakesplace.
EXERCISE6.4.IdentifyingtheThreeElementsIdentifythethreeelementsineachofthefirst-versesectionsbelow.
“WhyGeorgia,”byJohnMayer
Iamdrivingup85inthekindofmorningthatlastsallafternoon
juststuckinsidethegloomFourmoreexitstomyapartment
butIamtemptedtokeepthecarindriveandleaveitallbehind
HowisWHOestablished?——————————
HowisWHEREestablished?—————————
HowisWHENestablished?——————————
“Breakaway,”byBridgetBenenate,MatthewGerrard,AvrilLavigne(I)grewupinasmalltownandwhentherainwouldfalldownI’djuststareoutmywindowDreamingofwhatcouldbeandifI’denduphappy
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Iwouldpray
HowisWHOestablished?——————————
HowisWHEREestablished?—————————
HowisWHENestablished?——————————
Whatdoyounoticeaboutyouranswers?Doyoufindthatthethreeelementsmostoftenoccurwithinthefirstfewlinesofthesong?Ifyoudid,thenyou’reontherighttrack.Aswithmanysongwritingtechniques,thiscommonalityisaguidebutwillletusdownasarule.
Let’sseewhathappenswhenoneormoreoftheseelementsoccurlaterinthesong,perhapsnotuntilthelaterhalfoftheverseratherthanthefirsthalf:
Herfearshadkeptherconfusedinamazebutherheartwasintentonbelievinghe’dchangesoshestayedaroundwhenmostwouldgiveupbutthedaythatshetossedallherclothesinabagandspunoffwiththescreechofburntrubberandpainwasthefifteenthofJunebutherownlndependenceDay
It’snotuntilline4thatwereceiveaclearindicationof“where”with“clothesinabag”and“spunoffwiththescreechofburntrubber,”allowingustoimaginefirstabedroomofsortsandthenacar.“Who”and“when”arestillpresent,buttheyalonedon’tseemtoconvinceustoconnect.Now,withoutlookingbackatthisverseyoujustread—Imeanit,don’tlook—doyourememberwhatthosefirstthreelineswereabout?Ifyoudon’t,thenyou’rerighttherewiththebestofus.Perhapsthemostimportantelementinasongis“where.”It’sanaudience’slifelineofconnectiontoanartist.Itallowsthelistenerstoexperiencetheeventratherthanjustsitonthesidelines.
EXERCISE6.5.ApplyingtheElementsChooseadestination-writingexample,andseparateyourexternalandinternaldetailsintotwocolumns.Toggleafour-andsix-linesectionusingyourcolumns,followingtherhymeschemeandtogglingpatternsfromthischapter.Thengobackandanalyzeifwho,where,andwhenwereestablished.Ifanyofthoseelementsare
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missing,gobackandputtheminbyeither:•addingI,you,he,orshe•conformingverbstothesametense,eitherpast,present,orfuture•insertinganexternaldetailtoclearlydescribe“where”
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
AvrilLavigne,“I’mwithYou”KennyRogers,“TheGambler”FaithHill,“YouStaywithMe”DonHenley,“BoysofSummer”MichaelJackson,“Thriller”Tonic,“MyOldMan”GreenDay,“BoulevardofBrokenDreams”
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ChapterSummary
1.Togglingisastrategyfororganizingcontentbymeansofcombiningexternalandinternaldetail.2.Effectivetogglingpatternscreatestrongexperiencesinthemindsandheartsofthelisteners.3.Anyinternaldetailcanbeexchangedforanotherinternaldetail,andanyexternaldetailcanbeexchangedforanotherexternaldetail.4.Themoreconversationalthelyric,thestrongertheexperiencethatiscaused.5.Alyriccanbemademoreconversationalbytheadditionofconjunctionsandprepositions.6.Thethreeelementsofastrongconnectionarewho,where,andwhen.
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CHAPTER7TheChorus
INVENTING“WHY”
Sofarwe’vebeenfocusingon“what”towrite.Nowthetimehascomewhenwe’lldecideon“why.”“Why”isthereasonwewrotethesong.Itistheculminationofourdetailintoonecompletesolitarythought,producingthe“ah-hah”momentwesongwriterslustafter.Asongwithoutapurposeislikeajokewithoutapunchline.Andwe’dbeamazedhowoftensongwritersmissthatall-importantquestion,“Why?”
Upuntilthispoint,we’vefocusedondetail.We’veestablishedthatthemoresense-boundourwriting,thestrongertheexperiencewecreateforourlistener.Weknowhowtocombinethatdetailwithprepositionsandconjunctionssothatthesectionsconnectwithourlistener.Nowwe’regoingtoexploresteps6and7ofour10-stepprocess,broadeningourfocustothebigpicture.Infact,that’sjustwhatthechorusis:thebigpicture.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalqualityImagineagainthatyourverseislikeaclose-upofaleaf.Youdescribetheveins,thepores,andthechlorophyll.Youdescribethecool,coarsesurfaceandjaggededgesagainstyourfingertips,thefreshgreensmell,bitterandearthylikejuicedwheatgrassatthehealth-foodscounterinthegrocerystore.Now,youpanouttotakeinnotjusttheleaf,butthewholetree.Andsurroundingthetreeisapatchofgrassatopasmallhill.AndbehindthatisthesunslowlysinkingintheWest.Thatscene—theone-treehillanditssunset—isthecontentofthechorus.Itsfunctionistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailofthesongpurposeandvalue.
Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,
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Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailpurposeandvalue.
TWOTYPESOFCHORUSES
Let’simaginewhat“why”lookslikeintermsoftwodifferenttypesofchoruses:abstract/metaphoricalandlist.
Abstract/metaphoricalisthemostcommontypeofchorus,consistingofmainlythoughtandfeelingdetailthatweknowasinternal,sometimeswithafewexternaldetailsthrownin.Belowisanexampleofthistypeofchorus.
“TimeAfterTime”byCyndiLauperandRobertHymanIfyou’relostyoucanlookAndyouwillfindmeTimeaftertime
IfyoufallIwillcatchyouI’llbewaitingTimeaftertime
Wedon’tgetaclearsenseof“where,”and“when”isvagueaswell.Ratherthanbeingrootedinaparticulartimeandplace,thedetailservesasabroadconclusiontotheversecontent.
Listchoruseshavequiteadifferentfunction.Theyalsoassignpurposeandvaluetopreviousexternaldetail,buttheydoitthroughsnapshotsofexternaldetail,likethehighlightsofthestory.Thechorusbelowisanexampleofalistchorus.
WehadpipesburstinginthedownstairsbathaleakintheroofandafreewayoutbackFridaynightsandabottleofwinewasallwecouldaffordButwehadafrontporchswingandasettingsunahandfulofhopeandtwoheartsfulloflovewewerelowerthanhighbuthigherthansomeandweweren’tkeepingscore
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backwhenlifewasallwewerelivingfor
Listchorusesprovidelaundrylistsofconcreteimages,whileabstract/metaphoricalchorusesusefeelings,thoughts,andmetaphorstodrivemessageshome.
Inthepagesahead,we’llspendourtimewritingabstract/metaphoricalchoruses.Fromthere,thejumptolistchorusesdependsonmoreexternaldetailtogetthejobdone.Inbothcases,thestrengthofthesectionmostoftencomesdowntothecentralpoint,thetitle.
GREATTITLESAREBORN,NOTFOUND
Titlesdon’toftenjumpoutscreaming“Pickme,I’mobvious!”Titlescanbehardtocomeby,especiallythosethatareoriginalandspecific.
Butwedon’thavetoflyblind,hopingtoarriveatthebiggerpictureatjusttherightmomentinthesection.Wecanreturntoourten-stepstrategyanddestination-writeuntilthepurposeisborn.
Destinationwritingforchorusmaterialisdifferentthandestinationwritingforverses.Insteadofsense-boundmaterial,thistimewe’regoingtofocusoninternaldetail,thosethoughtsandfeelings.Thisdetailisthemeatandpotatoesofthechorus,spikedwithafewexternalideasforseasoning.Therearetwoimportantconsiderationswhendestinationwritingduringthechorusstage.First,we’llneedtowritefromfirstpersonpointofview,or“L”Writingfromanotherpointofviewmightkeepusdistancedfromouremotions.Second,weneedtoconsiderthetimeframe.Writingastheeventishappeningwilloftenresultinstrongeremotionsthanwritingabouttheeventafterithashappened.
Writeinfirstpersonpointofview.Writeastheeventishappening.
Theparagraphbelowiswrittenfromthekeyword“hotelroom.”BeforeI
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Theparagraphbelowiswrittenfromthekeyword“hotelroom.”BeforeIbegindestinationwritingforthechorus,I’lldestination-writeusingthesixkeysofconnectionandentertainasmanysensesaspossible.Atthispoint,I’mjustgatheringideasandgettingintothescene:
KEYWORD:HotelRoom(Verse)
Iswipedmycardandwaitedforthelittlelighttoturngreen.ThedoorstuckslightlyandexhaledasIunsealedthevacuumandrolledmyluggagebehindmeintotheroom.Itsmelledmustyandold,eventhoughtherewasthenauseatingscentoflemoncleanerusedtodisinfectthebathroom.Nursinghomeshavethatsamesmell,mixedwiththetangofpermsolutionandinstantcoffee.IthoughtabouthowmuchImissedyou,howthiswouldallbebearableifyouwerehere.Butyou’renot.Thesoursmellmadethehairsinmynosecurl,andIfeltthecoldrushofair-conditionedairthathadundoubtedlybeencrankedonhightodispelthemoldinthecarpetandthedraperiesfleckedwiththegreasefromresidentsbeforemecookingtheirmeals.ThosewerethesamesmellsIcaughtrollingdownthehall,breathinginthestaleairthathunginthehallwaysfromlackofventilationandtheownerrefusingtospendmoneyonheatingandcoolingthesetransitionalareas....
Afterthisfirstdestinationwriting,wearereadytobegindestinationwritingagain,reachingforchorusmaterial.I’llwritewithmainlythoughtsandemotionsinmind,rememberingtousefirst-personperspectiveandcontinuingasiftheeventisstillhappening.Imaystartoutwithsomedescriptionandthenslowlyeaseintointernaldetail,lettingwhateverthoughtsandemotionsIcanimagineflowthroughtheendofmypen.
KEYWORD:HotelRoom(Chorus)
Islumpeddownonthebedandglancedatthealarmclock.Istillhadfivehoursbeforegoingtowork.Ifeltsooutofplacehere.Iwonderedwhatyouweredoingrightnow,ifyouwerethinkingofme.Maybeyouwerestuckintrafficorshovelingthesnowfromthewalkway,checkingyourwatchandcalculatingwhenmyflightwouldgetin.Maybeyouweretellingsomeoneaboutme,howwetalkaboutwhenthisjobendsandIdon’thavetospendmostofmyweeksontheroad.SometimesIwonderifthat’swhatkeepsusgoing.We’realwayslookingaheadtosomething,believingitwillcomebutneverreally
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alwayslookingaheadtosomething,believingitwillcomebutneverreallyknowingwhen.Iwonderwhatwouldhappentousifitdid.IftomorrowIquitwoulditreallybeeverythingIthoughtitwouldbe?OrwouldIbeletdownknowingthatI’vejustgivenupthebesthopewe’vegot.Alwayshavetoleavesomethingaside,likeacatleavingalittlefood.Justincasetherecomesadaywhenthereisn’tanythingelse.Sowesavealittlebit,wehidealittlepieceofourselvestomakesureit’sgonnabealright.
NoticethatIdidn’tpreventimagesandexternaldetailstocomeoutwhenIthoughtofthem.IjustallowedideastoflowandtriedtocomebacktothoughtsandfeelingswheneverIrealizedIwasgettingofftrack.
NowthatIhavemyseconddestinationwriting,thenextstepistoisolatesomephrasesthatIlike.WhatI’mlookingforarephrasesthatresonatewithme—ideasthathavetheability,ifeversoslight,tostandaloneinthelimelightofthetitleline.
BelowI’velistedthephrasesthatcatchmyearsandeyes.
You’renotStuckintrafficLookingaheadtosomethingWhatkeepsusBelievingitwillcomeEverythingIthoughtLeavesomethingHidealittlepieceSometimesIwonderWhenthisjobendsIfitdidHowwetalkNeverreallyknowingThebesthopewe’vegotSavealittlebit
Sometimes,unlikelyphrasesturnouttobegreattitles.Sometimes,theydon’t.Unearthingoriginalideasthroughdestinationwritingwillalwaysyieldsomegreatlinesweneverwouldhavecomeacross,titlesornot.
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greatlinesweneverwouldhavecomeacross,titlesornot.
Sowe’vegotsomephrasesforatitle,butwe’restillstaringataparagraphformofideasandhopingtobuildachorusoutofit.Thenextstepistoorganizemyphrasesintotwocolumns,externalandinternal,justaswedidwithourfirstdestinationwritingtoorganizeversematerial.Imightcreatetwocompletelynewcolumns,orImightjustaddthenewmaterialontotheoldcolumnstoarriveatevenmorerhymepossibilitiesandtogglingoptions.
External Internal
swipedmycard soursmell howmuchImissedyou
littlelight hairinmynosecurl
thiswouldallbebearable
turngreen coldrush you’renot
doorstuckslightly air-conditionedair
sometimesIwonder
exhaled crankedonhigh
stuckintraffic
unsealedthevacuum dispelthemold
lookingaheadtosomething
rolledmyluggage carpet
room draperiesflecked
whatkeepsus
mustyandold grease believingitwillcome
nauseatingscent residents everything
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nauseatingscent residents everythingIthought
lemoncleanser cooking leavesomething
disinfect staleair hidealittlepiece
bathroom hallways whenthisjobends
nursinghomes lackofventilation
ifitdid
tangofpermsolution ownerrefusing
howwetalk
instantcoffee spendmoney
Ineverreallyknowing
healingandcooling thebesthopewe’vegot
savealittlebit
Fromthesetwoexpandedcolumns,wecanseethatsomerhymepairsmightbeend,ahead;thought,not,talk;bit,did;piece,leave.Andthosearejustwithinthenewinternalphraseideas.Asmorepairsemerge,moreideasforthedirectionofcontentwillemergealso.
POWERFULPOSITIONS
Beforewebegintogglingachorus,weneedtodecidewheretoplacethetitle.Thetitleisthepunchline.It’sthereasonwewrotethesong.Ineverychorus,
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Thetitleisthepunchline.It’sthereasonwewrotethesong.Ineverychorus,therearestrongplacementpositionsforthatattention-grabbingphrase.Theplacementofthetitlecanmeanthedifferencebetweenanaudiencethatstayswithusforthesecondverseandanaudiencethatflipstotheoldieschannelinstead.Inchapter4,wetalkedaboutthelastlineofaversesectionthatgivestheexternaldetailvalue.Thatlineisoftenathoughtorfeelingline.Itisthesamewithchoruses.Thelineisapowerfulstatementbuiltaroundstrongmetaphorsorintensefeelingsthatgetrighttotheheartofthematter.Buttheirvalueisonlyworthwhattheirverseandprechorusareabletoawardthem.Alone,theycarryveryweakarguments.
Thechorussectiontypicallyoffersthreepositionsthatareperfectforthatone-in-a-millionmoment.Theyareattheback,thefront,andsometimesthemiddleofthechorus.Justasthepowerpositioninothersongsectionsistheclosinglineofthesection,thelastlineofthechorusalmostalwaysgetsthelimelight:
powerposition → Wehadpipesburstinginthedownstairsbath
aleakintheroofandafreewayoutback
Fridaynightsandabottleofwinewasallwecouldafford
Butwehadafront
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porchswingandasettingsun
ahandfulofhopeandtwoheartsfulloflove
wewerelowerthanhighbuthigherthansome
andweweren’tkeepingscore
powerposition → backwhenlifewasallwewerelivingfor
Somechoruseshaveanadditionaltitlelinehalfwaythroughthechorus:
“LoveCanBuildaBridge”byJ.Jarvis,NaomiJudd,PaulOverstreet
powerposition → Lovecanbuildabridge
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Betweenyourheartandmine
powerposition → Lovecanbuildabridge
Don’tyouthinkit’stime
Don’tyouthinkit’stime
Butthereisanotherimportantpositioninthechorus:thelinedirectlybeforethepowerposition.Itsjobistosetupthetitle.Moreoftenthannot,thatbodyguardtothetitlewillbethoughtandfeelingorientedaswell,ratherthansenseboundanddetailoriented.Justlikethepowerposition,thepurposeofthatlineistozoomouttoapointwherethewholelandscapeisviewable.Inthechorusbelow,thelinedirectlyprecedingthetitleisanabstractthoughtdetail:
Lovewon’ttakechancesanymoreitleavesanopendoorjustincasethefeelingfadesandlovedon’thavefaithanymoreitturnsandwalksawaydoesn’tevenstaysowhatdoesanybodybotherfallingforiflovewon’ttakechancesanymore?
You’llfindthatitisverydifficulttosetupthebigpictureusingthemicroscopiclensweuseforconcreteexternaldetail.Therevisionbelowchanges
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microscopiclensweuseforconcreteexternaldetail.Therevisionbelowchangesthelinedirectlybeforethetitletoaconcreteexternaldetail.Theeffectisanawkwardmomentthatdoesverylittletosupportthebroadideaofthesong.
powerposition → Lovewon’ttakechancesanymore
itleavesanopendoor
justincasethefeelingfades
powerposition → andlovedon’thavefaithanymore
itturnsandwalksaway
doesn’tevenstay
itjustgetssweptunderthe
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carpetsofthesefloors
powerposition → iflovewon’ttakechancesanymore
Thischaracteristicofzoomingoutwardforthepowerpositionsandtheirbodyguardsistrueforlistchorusesaswellasabstract/metaphoricalchoruses.
Greatchoruses,likeothersongsections,don’thavetobelongorcomplex.Sometimes,theyareassimpleasonelinerepeatingfourtimes.Othertimes,linestakendirectlyfromtheseconddestination-writingcometogethertocreateawholesectionofthoughtandfeelingphrases.Thechorusbelowiscomprisedofphrasesfrommyseconddestinationwriting,with“SometimesIWonder”asmytitle.
SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverend’cuzthere’ssomethingaboutneverreallyknowingthatmakesiteasiertolookaheadwouldwemakeitifitdid?SometimesIwonder
Ichosetosandwichthischoruswiththetitleonthefrontandbackofthesection.Icouldhavechosentoplacethetitleatthebeginningandmiddleofthesectioninstead:
SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverendAndsometimesIwonder
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ifneverreallyknowingmakesiteasiertolookahead
Istillfeellikethelastlineishangingoutinnowhere,notstrongenoughtobringclosuretotheidea.SoI’llrepeatthetitlelinetocarrytheweightofthepowerposition:
SometimesIwonderwhenI’mstuckintrafficifthisjobwilleverendAndsometimesIwonderifneverreallyknowingjustmakesiteasiertolookaheadSometimes!Iwonder
Icouldevenarrangeasimplefour-linechoruswiththetitlerepeatedinthefirstthreelines:
SometimesIwondersometimesIwondersometimesIwonderifthisjobwilleverend
Orifthelastlineseemstooweak,Icanrearrangethetitletositinitsplace:SometimesIwonderifthisjobwilleverendsometimesIwonderyeahsometimesIwonder
Beingflexibleenoughtocut,add,shorten,lengthen,andrearrangelinesarmsuswitheverythingweneedtoachievethelyricandmusicstructurewewant.Anyandallofthesechoruseswouldeffectivelyconveythe“why”ofasong.Theyonlyneedtopresentthoughtsandfeelingstovalidatetheexternaldetailspresentedintheprevioussongsections.
TOGGLINGACHORUSSECTION
Thesametechniquesoftogglingweappliedtoversescanbeappliedtochoruses.Infact,thepatternwechooseforthechoruswilloftenlookalittleliketheinverseoftheverse.(Interestinghowthatbitofwordplayworksout.)Forexample,ifourversehasatogglingpatternofEEIEEI,ourchorusmightbeIIEIII.(Whereverthetitlelineappears,itismostoftenmoreofaninternaldetail
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IIEIII.(Whereverthetitlelineappears,itismostoftenmoreofaninternaldetailbecauseofitsabilitytosummarizeupthebroadoverviewofthesong.)Thepointtoremember,whenitcomestoabstract/metaphoricalchoruses,isthattheyareheavieroninternaldetailthanverses.Externaldetailisstillusefulingivingtheinternaldetailrelevancewithinthechorus.Butthedifferenceisthatinthechorussection,externaldetailmerelyrefocusestheabstractdetail,returningtothosethreeelementsofwhere,who,andwhenwhenevernecessary.Let’sseehowthisideaplaysoutinthechorusof“Won’tTakeChances.”
Lovewon’ttakechancesanymore I
itleavesanopendoor E
justincasethefeelingfades I
andlovedon’thavefaithanymore I
itturnsandwalksaway E
doesn’tevenstay I
sowhatdoesanybodybotherfallingfor I
iflovewon’ttakechancesanymore I
Lines2and5bothintroduceaconcreteimage,thoughusedasametaphor.Inthecaseofline2,it’sanopendoor,andinthecaseofline5,it’stheimageofturningandwalkingaway.Thetogglingpatternforthesecondthree-linegroupisamirrorimageofthepatternofthefirstthree-linegroup.Theexternaldetail,thoughnotasliteralandconcreteastheversedetail,isagreatwaytosparktinyvisualsandkeepsaltingthesteak.
Justlikeversesections,thetogglingpatternforchorusescanbeviewedastwohalves,eachamirrorimageoftheother.Thesametopicrulesthatapplytoothersectionsapplytochorusesaswell.
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EXERCISE7.1.ToggleaChorusPracticerearrangingthelinesbelowintoafour-,five-,andsix-linechorus.Trythefollowingtogglingpatterns:TTIT,ITIT,TITI,IIIT,IIITT,IITIIT.
Ican’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeit’sjustamysteryLovemakesnosense
PossibleAnswers:
TTITLovemakesnosenseLovemakesnosenseit’sjustamysteryLovemakesnosenseITITThewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosenseIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosenseTITILovemakesnosenseIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosensethewayyoulookatmeIIITIcan’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosenseIIITTIcan’tquitebelievesometimesit’ssointensethewayyoulookatmeLovemakesnosense
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LovemakesnosenseIITIITThewayyoulookatmesometimesit’ssointenseLovemakesnosenseIt’sjustamysteryIcan’tquitebelieveLovemakesnosense
FOUR-STEPCHORUSES
Weknowhowtocomeupwithchorusmaterial,howtoexcavateatitle,andwheretopositionthetitleinachorus.Buthowdoweputthoseideastogether?Howdowearriveatsomanychoruspossibilitiesfromjustafewchosenphrases?
I’mgoingtobreakdowntheprocesshereusingthesamestepsweusedforverses.
Step1.Destination-writewiththoughtsandfeelingsThefirststepistodestination-write,beginningwithoneofyouroriginalsense-bounddestinationwritings.Forthechorus,thismeansfocusingonthoughtsandfeelingsinsteadofimagesandclosedetail.
Step2.Parenthesizechorusphrases,andlistpotentialtitlesNext,rereadthedestinationwritingandparenthesizeanyphrasesthatresonatewithyou.Anythingthatpopsoutasatitlecontenderwillemergeatthispoint.Besuretoidentifylinesthatcanbeshortenedintotwosmallerphrases.Trytocompilealistoftenormorephrases,thenaddthemtotheoriginalexternalandinternalcolumns.
Step3.LookforrhymepairsNowjustaswedidwithourinitialversecontentcolumns,lookforrhymesbetweenthenewphrases.Ifyoufindyou’relackinginrhyme,addintheinternalcolumnfromtheoriginaldestinationwriting.Thenexplorerhymepairsbetweentheexternalandnewadditionstotheinternalcolumn.
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Step4.Chooseatogglepatternandrhymescheme,andpluginphrasesNowyou’rereadytochooseatogglingpatternandrhymeschemeandbeginplugginginthephrases.Whereyoufindyouaremissingalinetocompletethetogglepatternorrhymescheme,looktoyourexistingphrasesforcontentideas.Rememberthattosharpentheconversationalqualityofthechorus,weonlyneedtoemploythoseusefulconjunctionsandprepositionswetalkedabout.
Topracticetheprocessoftoggling,it’shelpfultotryyourchoruswithmultipletogglingpatterns.Tryafour-linesection,andthenexpandittosixlines.Trythetitleatthefrontandback,thenonlyattheback.Addaseventhlinetoasix-linesectionjustbeforethetitlerepeats,orrepeatthetitleastheseventhlineattheend.Flexibilityisthekey,asyouexperimentwithyourphrases.
EXERCISE7.2.,ChorusPracticePracticewritingafewchorusesofyourown.Chooseanydestinationwritingandfollowsteps1through4ofthischaptertowriteyourchorus.Combineyourphrasesusinganytogglepatternandrhymeschemeyoufeelproducesthestrongestchorussection.
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
SixpenceNonetheRicher,“KissMe”JamesTaylor,“SweetBabyJames”TimMcGraw,“SomethingLikeThat”TomPetty,“FreeFalling”
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ChapterSummary
1.Thefunctionofthechorusistogiveeverytiny,experientialdetailpurposeandvalue.2.Thetwotypesofchorusesareabstract/metaphoricalandlist.3.Thethreemostcommonplacementsforthetitlearethefirstline,lastline,andmiddleofthechorus.4.Thejobofthelinedirectlybeforethetitleistosetupthetitle.
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CHAPTER8Contrast
THEBOREDOMBLOCKER
Asyou’retogglingaway,I’dliketotakeamomenttodwellonanimportantpartofchoosingapatternandrhymescheme.Whetherwe’reawareofitornot,whenwewrite,wechoosearhythm,arhymescheme,andatogglingpattern.Evenwhenwedriftcreativelyfromsectiontosection,wearesettlingonalengthandpatternthatjustfeelsright.Butwhataboutthosetimeswhenitdoesn’tfeelright?Whatdowedowhenthesongjustisn’tmovinginthedirectionwe’dlike,andouraudiencehasdriftedbacktotheirasparagussalad?
Howwechooseourtogglepatterndoesn’thavetobechance.Infact,it’softenbetterifitisn’t.Whenwetakecontroloverthestructureoursectionstake,wealsotakecontrolovertheirindividuality.Wecanchoosetomakethesectionssoundidenticalinrhymescheme,rhythm,andtogglepattern,orwecanchoosetocreatecontrastbetweenthesongsectionsbystructuringthemdifferently.Varyingthesedifferentaspectsofasectionyieldsfreshnessandnewreasonforourlistenerstopayattention.Thatdifferenceinstructureiscalled“contrast.”Ittellsourearsthatnewcontentisbeingdeliveredandrefocusesourabilitytoreceivethemainpurposeofthesong.Inshort,itkeepsusfrombecomingbored.
THEIMPORTANCEOFCONTRAST
Imagineifeverysectionofasonghadthesamenumberoflines,thesamerhymescheme,thesamerhythm,andthesametogglingpattern.Itwouldbepredictableatbest,andinfinitelyboring.Justaswecanplancontentusingtechniquesliketoggling,wecanplanthestructureofthesongwithcontrastinmind.
Thereareafewwaystoprovidecontrast.Inthischapter,we’llfocusonfourmajorways:
1.Changingtherhymescheme2.Changingtherhythm3.Changingthenumberoflines4.Changingthetogglingpattern
I’mgoingtohavetogobacktomynurseryrhymeaboutMaryandherlittlelamb.Whatifweweretowriteanewsectionthatcontrastedwiththeold?Howwouldweensurethatitsoundnewandnotjustcontinuethemonotonysofar?
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wouldweensurethatitsoundnewandnotjustcontinuethemonotonysofar?Let’sapplysometechniquesofcontrasttodesignachorus:
MaryhadalittlelambwhosefleecewaswhiteassnowandeverywherethatMarywentthelambwassuretogoLaughing,playinghiding,strayingnooneeverhadsuchfunskipping,runningspinning,tumblingfriendsasbestasbestfriendscome
Whatwehavehereisasix-linesection.Butyou’llnotice,asyoureaditdown,thattherhythmhasalsochanged.Beginningwithline1,thenewrhythmprovidesanimmediatesignalthatnewmaterialhasarrived.Therhymeschemehasalsochanged.InthenewsectiontheschemeisAABCCB,contrastingwithXAXAoftheversesection.Thecombinationofusingbothrhythmandrhymecreatesaboldercontrastthanjustoneofthesetoolsalone.
Thechorusismostoftenthepointofhighestintensityinasong.Themelodyoftenreachesitspeak,theharmoniestendtosettleontotheirrootforms,andwhateverlyricalpointwe’redrivingatcomestoaconclusion.Whenwechooseourtogglepatternsandrhymeschemesforthechorussection,wecandeliberatelychoosethosethatcontrastwiththeonesusedintheverseandprechorussections,optimizingthepowergiventoourchorus.Verysimply,ifourverseconsistsoffourlines,wemightchooseasix-linepatternforourchorus.Ifourverseconsistsofsixlinesfollowedbyatwo-lineprechorus,ourchorusmightbeafour-linepattern.Whateverwechoose,itisonlyimportantthatthenewpatternbringsfreshnessandrenewedattentiontothesong.
CONTRASTANDTOGGLING
Solet’sseehowthesetoolsplayoutwhenwe’replanningoursongstructure.Inchapter5,wetalkedabouthowlyricsandmusicbondwithphrasing.Theyareeachmadeupofphrasesthatdictaterhymeandstructure.Whenamusicalphrasecloses,thelyricalphraseshouldalsoclose.
Considerafour-linesectionofEIEI.Let’ssaythatsectionalsohasarhymeschemeofABAB.Let’salsoassumethatsectionisafirstverse.
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schemeofABAB.Let’salsoassumethatsectionisafirstverse.
Verse1:
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
Nowlet’ssaywe’regoingtowriteaprechorusthatintroducesanewtopic.Ourfirstinclinationistokeepplayingandsingingwiththesamelovelyrhythmandmelodywe’vesettledonforthefirstverse.However,wewanttokeepouraudienceontheedgeoftheirseats,andasimplewaytodothatistotakethemawayfromwhat’spredictable.So,let’sfirsttrytochangethenumberoflinesofthesection.Wecanchooseanynumberoflinesbutfourfortheprechorus:eitherone,two,three,five,orevensixlines.Sincethissectionissupposedtocreateabuildintothechorus,weprobablydon’twantitlongerthantheverse,solet’schooseeitherone,two,orthreelines.Here’swhatwe’vegot:Verse1:
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
Prechorus:
Line ?
Line ?
Line ?
Next,let’stryalteringtherhymeschemeandrhythm.InsteadofABAmatchingthefirstthreelinesoftheverse,we’llchooseAAAorAAB.We’llalso
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matchingthefirstthreelinesoftheverse,we’llchooseAAAorAAB.We’llalsochangetherhythmofthelinestomakesurethey’reshorterinlengththanthoseoftheverse:Prechorus:
LineShortened A
LineShortened A
LineShortened B
Last,let’schooseatogglingpattern.Rememberthatthepowerpositionisoftenathoughtorfeelingline,solet’schooseEEIorEll,IEI,orevenIII:
Prechorus:
InternalDetail A
ExternalDetail A
InternalDetail B
Wecanusethesameprocesswhenitcomestothechorusandbridge.Onlythistime,wemaybeabletoreturntothefour-lineschemeforthechorushavinghadaprechorustotakeouraudienceawayfromthepredictable.
Whenwe’recreatingcontrast,it’simportanttorememberthatthesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.IfwesimplyfollowaverseofABABwithaprechorusofABA,thesubtractionofalinewon’tappeartohaveanyeffectuntilthebeginningoftheomittedfourthline.But,ifwefollowthatsectionofABABwithtwolonglinesofAAorthreeshortlinesofXAA,contrastbeginsimmediatelyinthatnewsection.
Wedon’thavetoemployallfourwayssimultaneouslyeverytimewewanttoachievecontrast.Justchoosingoneortwoatatimecanprovideallthefreshnessweneedtokeepthesonginteresting.
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Thesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.
EXERCISE8.1.ContrastinActionChooseatogglingpatternforthenewsectionthatcontrastswiththecurrentpattern.Useanynumberorcombinationofthefourwaystocreatecontrast.
■Changingtherhymescheme■Changingtherhythm■Changingthenumberoflines■Changingthetogglingpattern
Example1
Verse1:
ExternalDetail X
ExternalDetail A
ExternalDetail X
InternalDetail A
Prechorus:
Chorus:
InternalDetail A
InternalDetail A
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Title T
InternalDetail B
InternalDetail B
Title T
Example2
Verse1:
ExternalDetail
X
ExternalDetail
X
InternalDetail
A
ExternalDetail
X
ExternalDetail
X
InternalDetail
A
Prechorus:
InternalDetailLengthened
A
InternalDetailLengthened
A
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Lengthened
Chorus:
Example3
Chorus:
Title T
Title T
InternalDetail
X
Title T
Bridge:
(RepeatChorus)
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
BenFolds,“StillFightingIt”Mike&theMechanics,“TheLivingYears”BrianAdams,“Summerof’69”
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BrianAdams,“Summerof’69”MarcCohn,“WalkinginMemphis”
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ChapterSummary
1.Therearefourmajorwaystoachievecontrast:•changetherhymescheme•changetherhythm•changethenumberoflines•changethetogglingpattern
2.Thesoonerthevariationoccurs,thestrongerthecontrastwillbe.
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CHAPTER9TheContentCompass
IDEASTHATSIMPLIFY
Sofar,we’vetalkedabouthowtograbourlistenerswithintensedetail,andhowtobringthatdetailtoapointbywritingachorusthatgivesthedetailvalue.We’vealsoidentifiedthecriticalpowerpositionsofsongsections.Inthischapter,we’llintegratesteps5,8,and9intoour10-stepprocess.Thesethreestepsinvolvetheprogressionofthestory.Aswetalkaboutthevariousoptions,we’lllookforcluesthathelpusdecidewhichdetailsbelongwhere.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality
PYRAMIDING
OurfirstcluetoorganizingsongcontentcomesfromaprocessIcall“pyramiding.”
Pyramidingdescribestheprogressionofasongideafromnarrowtobroad,fromzoomedintozoomedout.Wecanthinkofpyramidingintermsofourcameralensmetaphor,orwecanvisualizetheideaofpyramidingliketheshapeofaChristmastree.Eachsectionofthesongutilizespyramidingonasmallscale,whiletheoverallstructureofthesongutilizespyramidingonalargescale.
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Imagineeachofthethreetierswasasongsectionwiththetoptieraverse,themiddletieraprechorus,andthebottomtierachorus.Wecanseethatthelastlineofeachsectionisbroaderinscopethanthefirstlineofthatsection.Thiscorrespondswiththeideathatthelastlineisaninternaldetail—athoughtandfeelingline.Itsjobistozoomoutandgiveallthepreviousdetailvalue.Wecanalsoseethatthetitleline,likelythelowestlimbofthetree,isthebroadest.Aseachsectionprogresses,thescopeofthesongbecomesbroader,untilthetitlelineconcludesthesongpurpose.
Whatthismeansforusaswritersissometrickswecankeepupoursleeves.Ateveryjunctionofoursongsections,wecanreferbacktoourtreeandconsiderwhetherornotourcontentismovinginthetree-shapeddirection.Ifattheendsofoursections,ourcontentisrefocusingtoexternaldetail,wearelackingtherelationshipofthedetailtothemainmessageofthesong.Orifwebeginasectionwithtoomuchlandscapeinview,weareunabletobroadenthecontentfurtherbytheendofthesection,andwearenotcreatingastrongenoughexperience.Ifourchorusseemstozoominfurtherthanourversesections,wemaybehavingtroubleconvincingourlisteneritisthemainmessageofthesong.Keepingthetreeshapeinmindservesasaguideforthegeneralandspecificprogressionsofoursongidea.
EXERCISE9.1.PyramidinginActionChoosethreeofyourfavoritesongs.Explaininyourownwordsifandhowpyramidingappearsintheverseandchorussections,aswellastheoverallshapeofthesong.
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PLOTPROGRESSION
OneplacidmorninginJuly,IwascreepingalonganL.A.freewaylisteningtothelatestpopmusichits.Duringoneparticulardrive-timeditty,itoccurredtomethatIcouldactuallyusethesesongstogetoutofthecurrentwriter’sblockIwasin.Besidesbeingcatchy,theytendtouseaformatthathastimeandagainproventosatisfyourstructuralneeds.Thecontentofeachsectioncanbesummarizedbyashortdescriptionandappliedtootherideasandstillwork.Thoughtherearevariationsontheseformats,theyserveasexcellentmodelsfromwhichtostartbuildingourownmasterpieces.
Let’slookatwhatthiskindofcontentallboilsdownto.
CommonPlotProgression
Thesecondhalfofthesongmaygoontofollowaformatlikethis:
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Thebridgethattypicallyfollows,ifthereisone,oftenanswersthisquestion:
Nowlet’sseehowthatappliestoasonglyric.
“Breakaway”byBridgetBenenate,MatthewGerrard,AvrilLavigne
Verse1:GrewupinasmalltownandwhentherainwouldfalldownI’djuststareoutmywindow
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dreamingofwhatcouldbeandifI’denduphappy
IwouldprayVerse2:TryinghardtoreachoutButwhenIdtrytospeakoutFeltlikenoonecouldhearme
WantedtobelonghereButsomethingfeltsowronghere
SoI’dprayIcouldbreakaway
Chorus:I’llspreadmywingsandI’lllearnhowtoflyI’lldowhatittakes’tilItouchthesky
AndI’llmakeawishTakeachanceMakeachangeAndbreakaway
OutofthedarknessandintothesunButIwon’tforgetalltheonesthatIlove
I’lltakeariskTakeachanceMakeachangeAndbreakaway
verse3:WannafeelthewarmbreezeSleepunderapalmtreeFeeltherushoftheoceanGetonboardafasttrain
Travelonajetplane,faraway(Iwill)Andbreakaway[Chorus]
Bridge:BuildingswithahundredfloorsSwingingaroundrevolvingdoors
MaybeIdon’tknowwherethey’lltakemebutGottakeepmovingon,movingon
Flyaway,breakaway
[Chorus]
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Thisfirstversecontainsdetailsaboutaspecificevent,time,orplace.Thosedetailsareallfocusedaroundonecentralidea:mainly,theproblemindetail.
Afterthefirstverse,weenterintotheprechorus.Thesetwolinesarecriticalinsettingupthechorussectioncontent.Theybegthequestion,“Istherehope?Doesithavetobethisway?”Thisisespeciallytrueofthelastlineoftheprechorus,“Icouldbreakaway.”
Thechorusthenfollowswithatitledescribingwhat“different”wouldlooklike:“I’llspreadmywingsandI’lllearnhowtofly.”Thechorussectiondeclarestheanswertoourprechorusquestionanddescribeswhat“different”wouldfeellike.
Versesthatfollowthechorusinthistypeofplotprogressionoftendescribewhatthefuturewilllooklike,involvingmoreexternaldetail.Here,KellyClarksonsingsaboutwhatshedesiresforthefuture—howshevisualizestheyearsahead.Thentheprechorusfollows,askingagainifitcanindeedeverbethatway.Aswehitthechorusforthesecondtimearound,we’vegainedintensity,gatheringamoredetailedpictureofwhatfinallybreakingawaymightlookandfeellike.Thebridgesectioninthisplotprogressiontypeprovidescontrast.Ittakesusoffofourhighforjustamoment,examiningthestrugglesthatwillhavetobeovercome.Bridgesliketheseareespeciallypowerfulbecausetheyaddnewdimensiontothechorus,exclaimingthatnomatterwhatthestruggles,thesingerwillsurvive.
Whetherfollowingthissongformatexactlyorjustusingitasastartingpointtoorganizecontent,wecanbeassuredthattheverseswillcarryenough“evidence”tosupportthe“claims”ofourchorus.Furthermore,itcansimplifythesongwritingprocessandhelpkeepouraudiencerighttherewithusateverynewidea.
Thereisanotherwaywecandescribetheprogressionofoursongcontent.Wecanfocusontheelementof“when.”Themostobvioususeof“when”istheprogressionofeachsectionofthesongalongatimeline.Withthisstrategy,thefirstversemaydescribeanevent,suchastwopeoplemeetingandfallinginlove.Thesecondversemaydescribetheirweddingandthebirthoftheirchild.Thenthelastversemightprogresstothechildgrownup,repeatingthecycleofmeetingandfallinginlovewithsomeoneelse.Thisstrategyissometimeseffective,butoftenfallsshortofcreatingareallybelievableexperienceforthelistener.Theamountofdetailthatcanbeincludedissmallwhensomuchtime
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listener.Theamountofdetailthatcanbeincludedissmallwhensomuchtimemustpasswithineachsection.Whatresultsisasortofcookie-cutterlyric,predictableforthelistenerandyieldingfeweroriginalideasforthewriter.
AdifferentstrategythatIfindmorehelpfulistoconsiderthethreetimeframesasaninstigatorforcontent:thepast,thepresent,andthefuture.Forexample,Imightbeginmyfirstverseaboutthefuture,describingthewaymymaincharacter,orI,wouldlikethingstobe.Thechorusthatfollowsmightcontrastthatwithadescriptionofthepresent,thewaythingsare.TheninthenextverseIcanmovemymaincharacterbackintothepast,givingthelistenerbackgroundonwherehe/she/Icamefrom.Thechorusfollowsagainwiththewaythingsarenow.Finallyinthebridge,IcanmakeamoreglobalstatementabouthowthingsmightstarttochangeandbecomethatfutureofwhichIdream.Ultimately,IonlyneedtobeawareofwhichtimeframeIhavewrittenmyfirstversein.Then,Icanchooseoneoftheothertwotimeframestomoveintoforthenextsection.
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Byusingtheseprogressionpossibilitiesasprompts,youcanorganizeandpaceyourcontentforthegreatestpossiblepayoff.
Ineffectiveplotprogressions,thereismotiveforwritingthesongthatgivesitpurpose.Sometimesthatmotiveispresentedintheformofaproblemthatwillberesolved.Sometimesthatmotiveispresentedasacontrastbetweenthewaythingsareandthewaywe’dlikethingstobe.Eitherway,thecontrastgivesthesongamoresignificantreasonforhavingbeenborn.Italsogivesouraudienceasignificantreasontolistentowhatwehavetosay.
EXERCISE9.2.ApplyingPlotProgressionsDecidehowtheplotprogressesineachsongbelow.Explainhowthatparticularprogressioniseffectiveinconnectingwiththelistener.
“HowItGoes”
Verse1:SoI’mstandingintheplaceIstartedfromintheroomIspentmylifeescapingfromwithapainteddresserandasinglebedandcurtainshanginglikeahighschoolpromdressVerse2:WellIknowI’mnotthekidIusedtobebutIwonderhowIcamesofarfrommeIdidn’tknowthatIwasgrowinguptillIlookedbackandthenthedoorwasshut...but
Chorus:That’showitgoeswhenyou’refightingforsurvivalyeahIguessthat’sjusthowitiswhenyou’redestinedforsomethinggoodbutwekillourselvestryingtobuildourselvesintosomeonewithsomethingmorewhenthetruthiswewerefinebefore
Verse3:Wegrowupwithaplanofwhat’sgonnabeandweslowlycometotermswithrealitythenwegetangryorwejustgonumb
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andspendourthirtiesgettingbacktoone...but(Chorus)
Bridge:NoIwon’tletthesetearsofminefallandforgetwheretheygoWitheveryyearthatpassesbyI’llcomefurtherintomyintomyown(Chorus)
“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin”’
Verse1:TheTVisflashingitblursinthebackgroundassheclearstheplatesoffthetableandsighsatthedishesthenslipsoutapicturetapedbythecupboarddoorhandle
Prechorus:It’sjustsand,surf,andairandshedon’tknowwhereshejustlikeshowthewavesseemtotumble
Chorus:Whenshethinksaboutleavingthat’swhereshegoestoaplaceshecanbreatheandthefuture’sunknowneveryoneneedssomewherefarofftogososhethinksaboutleavingbutthat’sallsheneedstocomehome
Verse2:OnMondaysthruFridaysit’sschoolbooksandlunchbagsandmovingthreekidstothebusstopThencellphoneandbriefcaseakissinthedrivewayandwatchwhilehiscarroundsthestreetblockPrechorus:Andit’sallthatshehopedandit’slessandit’smorebutit’sfarfromherownprivateEden
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Bridge:Sometimessheclingstothesheetsontheirbedandsinksintheplacewherehesleepsandstaresatthepicturesofthemandtheirkidsandfeelssomuchjoythatsheweeps(RepeatChorus)
“Kaleidoscope”
Verse1:IwentwalkinglatethiseveningwonderingifIshouldstaywithyouandinthesilenceofthestreetlightsIfiguredoutwhatIshoulddo
Prechorus:AllofmylifeI’vebeenchangingtowhateveryonewantsmetobe
Chorus:ButnotanymoreI’mlettinggoI’mnotgonnabeakaleidoscopeI’msavingmylifeorwhat’slefttoloseandtakingitbackfromyouIwasafraidofsomekindofchangebutnotanymore
Verse2:IwaswaitingforlifetohappenthoughtitbeganwithsomeoneelseIthoughttheanswersweresomewhereouttherebutthey’reinsideofmyself
Prechorus:You’dneverbelieveallthecolorsthatspunmeandspunmearound
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(Chorus)
Verse3:Beenshatteredandscatteredtopiecesdeniedthemandliedtheywereme
(Chorus)
FUNCTIONSOFTHESECONDVERSE
Manywritersexpressdifficultywhenitcomestowritingsecondversesandbridges.Ihavepersonallybeenknowntoavoidbridgesatallcosts,sparingmyselfthefrustrationofsuchadelicatesection.But,sadly,sometimestheyareneeded,andthatsecondverseafterthefirstchorus—well,it’salmostneveroptional.
Agreatbenefitofstayingdetailedinthefirstverseisthateverythinghasn’talreadybeensaidbythesecondverse.Thereisawholeworldofplacestoexploreafterthatfirstchorus,especiallyifwe’vestucktoaplotprogression.
Secondverseshavesomecommoncharacteristicswecanrevertbacktowheneverwe’reindoubt.Theyoftencontainabroaderpicturethanthefirstverse.
Rememberpyramidingonalargescale?Here’swhereitcomesintoplay.Secondverseszoomoutinrespecttofirstversesandarenotnecessarilysetinspecificeventsortimeframes.Let’slookatthedifferencebetweenverses1and2below,ofthesong“LoveWon’tTakeChances.”
Verse1:MydadproposedtoMommaupatFallCreekFallsinoneweektheysignedthepapersdownatCityHallandDadstilllikestojokehewastooyoungthentoknow
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buthestillcomesrunnin‘whenshecalls
(Chorus)
Verse2:IknewthatyouneededmetosayitfirstandIwasstillsomadIbarelymouthedthewordsButit’sanincrediblethingwhatforgivenessbringsevenwhenwe’vesunkdowntoourworst
Thissecondversecontainsmoreabstractmaterialinlines3through5thanverse1.Thefirsttwolinesjustsetthestagewith“who”and“when.”Thesecondchoruswillthentakeondeepermeaning,notbecauseofanyspecificeventthatisdescribed,butbecauseoftheinternalthoughtsandfeelingsthatbroadenthepurposeofthesong.Aswriters,bythesecondverse,we’resortofletoffthehookintermsofincludingexternaldetail.Allthoseimagesinthefirstverseandthesenseof“who,”“where,”and“when”havealreadycreatedaframeworkfromwhichourlistenercanrelatetohowwefeel.Aslongasthefirstverselaidthatstrongfoundation,wecanrideonthewingsofitsconnectingpower.
CommonCharacteristicsofSecondVerses:•Moreheavilyinternal•Deepenthemeaningofthechorus
Sometimes,theverseafterthefirstchorusstillcontinuesexternaldetailtorefocusthelistener’sattention.Inthesong“WhenIt’sOver,”thisverseprovidesasnapshotofaneventlikethefirstandsecondverses,movingbackintimeandsheddingmorelightonthestory.
“WhenIt’sOver”
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Verse1:TherearetrashcansbydrivewaysandlawnchairsinsnowthereareChristmaslightshangingfromsixweeksagotherearedogbarksandstalledcarsbutallthatIfeelhereiscoldIshouldgo
Prechorus:butI’mstoppedinyourdrivewaythecarinreverseandallIhavetodoisrolldowntothecurbbut
Chorus:I,Idon’tknowmuchaboutwalkingawaybutIknowwhenit’soverandI,don’tknowwhenlovebeginstochangebutIknowwhenit’sover
Verse2:Therewaschangeonthedressertherewereclothesonthebedtherewasnothingunusualbutthat’showlovegetsandwejustletitgountilwecouldn’tsavewhatwasleftnowhereIam
Prechorus:I’mstoppedinyourdrivewaythecarinreverseIdon’twanttoleavebutIdon’twanttohurt...’cuz(Chorus)
Byeithermovingtothepastorthefutureforthesecondverse,wecanaddvaluableinformationthatwillrecolorthemeaningofournextchorus.Followingtheplotprogressionstrategyisonegreatwaytoachievethis.
FUNCTIONSOFTHEBRIDGE
Whenitcomestobridges,we’vereallygottobringthemessagetoaclimax.Theultimatesectiontorecolor,rekindle,rediscover,andunravelmysteryisinthat
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ultimatesectiontorecolor,rekindle,rediscover,andunravelmysteryisinthatbridge.Hereareafewcommoncharacteristicsofbridges:•Providecontrastusingrhymescheme,rhythm,numberoflines,and/ortogglingpatternwiththeothersongsections•Providenewmeaningtothelastchorus•Resolveanissueoreventwithinthecontentofthesong
Thebridgeof“WhenIt’sOver”usesallofthesecharacteristicstotieupthemeaningofthesong.Itconsistsoftwolonglines,offersanewrhythm,utilizesasimpleAArhymescheme,andprovidesnewmeaningtothesongbysayingthatdespitethepain,thesingerhasheartthatsomedaythepurposewillbecomeclear:
Bridge:IknowthatsomethingsjustruntheircourseandsomedayI’llknowwhatthehurtwasfor
Whateverourstory,theoverallmessageofthebridgetrumpsthatofthechorusandcertainlytheverses,leadingtheaudiencebackintothelastchoruslikeacaravanintothesettingsun.
EXERCISE9.3.IdentifyingFunctionsInasinglesentence,describethefunctionsofthebridgeandverseafterthefirstchorusoftendifferentsongs.Howdotheyadheretotheplotprogressionsinthischapter?Howdotheydiffer?Howmightyourewritetheprogressionofcontenttostrengthenthesong?
LISTENINGSUGGESTIONS
WhitneyHouston,“Didn’tWeAlmostHaveItAll”MichelleBranch,“TuesdayMorning”KellyClarkson,“AMomentLikeThis”Judds,“LoveCanBuildaBridge”MatchboxTwenty,“RealWorld”
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ChapterSummary
1.Pyramidingdescribestheprogressionofasongideafromnarrowtobroad,fromzoomedintozoomedout.2.Wecanusecommonplotprogressionstoorchestratethecontentofourownsongs.3.Thecharacteristicsofasecondverseare:•Utilizesinternaldetail•Deepensthemeaningofthechorus
4.Thecharacteristicsofabridgeare:•Providescontrast•Providesnewmeaningtothelastchorus•Resolvesanissueoreventwithinthecontentofthesong
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CHAPTER10FinalTouches
THEFIRSTDRAFTPHYSICAL
Withsomanyideasstarted,it’stimetostartgettingaccustomedtorewriting.Thelaststepofourten-stepprocesswillfine-tuneourlyric’sabilitytocreateastrongexperience.We’llshiftbetweendifferenttensesandpointsofview,andimprovetheconversationalqualityofthelyricaseasilyaswechangehats.
Step1.Destination-writeandcreatecolumnsStep2.FindrhymepairsStep3.ChoosearhymeschemeandtogglingpatternStep4.AddprepositionsandconjunctionsStep5.ChooseaplotprogressionStep6.Destination-writeagainusingthought/feelinglanguageStep7.LookfortitlesandwritethechorusStep8.WriteasecondverseandprechorusStep9.WritethebridgeStep10.Verbs,tense,pointofview,andconversationalquality
Ifyou’vebeendestination-writingeveryday,youhavesomegreatfirstdraftstoworkwith.Herearesometoolstooilthegearsandtakethosedraftstothenextlevel.
Youalreadyknowfromyourdestinationwritingthatverbsholdthekeytoconnection.Youalsoknowthateachofthethreeelementsof“who,”“where,”and“when”helptocreateconnectioninthatfirstverseofyoursong.Inthischapter,we’lllookathowwhatyouknowcanhelpyourewrite,andwe’llalsoaddinsomeexercisesdealingwithtense.Somesimplealterationsandtheabilitytostayflexiblewillshineallthedullareas.
VERBSGETALLTHEACTION
Inthefirstfewchaptersofthisbook,wetalkedaboutspecificandgenericverbs.Specificverbshavetheabilitytovaultourlistenersintoourworld,emotionsandall.Genericverbsleaveouraudiencedisconnected—ourtunesasmemorableaswhattheyatelastnightfordinner.
Aswerewrite,ourgoalwillbetoidentifyandstrengtheneachverbinthelyric.Asyoupassovereachverb,considerwhetheritishelpingtoemphasize
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lyric.Asyoupassovereachverb,considerwhetheritishelpingtoemphasizetheemotionyouwanttoevoke,orifit’sjusttakingupspaceinthephrase.
EXERCISE10.1.VerbAlternativesForeachphrase,findatleastfiveverbalternativesthatcaptureastronger,morespecificemotion.
Example:Herwholebodymovedasshewept.
Verbalternatives:Shook,pulsed,contracted,cringed,collapsed
Youtryit:
ThedoorclosedandIknewshewasgone.
Verbalternatives:
Thecat’sclawsstucktothecarpet.
Verbalternatives:
Shestoopeddowntogatherherdirtylaundry.
Verbalternatives:
Applythisprocesstoyourownsongsbyidentifyingeachverbinyourfirstdrafts.Substitutesomealternatives,andlistentothedifferencetheymakeinthestrengthofyourstory.
POINTOFVIEW
Sometimes,weunconsciouslyassumeapointofviewwhenwewrite,butsometimesitisintentional.Whateverpointofviewweuse—firstperson,directaddress,orthirdpersonnarrator—itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesong.Youmayfindthatyou’veused“he/she”inyourfirstverse,and“you”inyourprechorus.Ineffect,yourrolehaschangedfromthirdpersoninverse1todirectaddressintheprechorus.Theproblemisthatyouraudienceisnowunclearwhothesubjectofthesongis,andoneofthosethreeimportantelementsisgone:
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thesubjectofthesongis,andoneofthosethreeimportantelementsisgone:“who.”Anytimeyouraudienceisdistractedby“how”you’resinging,they’renotpayingattentionto“what”you’resinging.Makingsureyourrolestaysthesamefromthefirstlinetothelastensuresthegreatestpossibilityofconnection.
EXERCISE10.2.JustOnePointofViewidentifywherethepointofviewchangesinthelyricsbelow,andrewritetocorrecttheproblem.
Example1:“LoveWon’tTakeChancesAnymore”
Verse:MydadproposedtoMommaupatOldCreekFallsinoneweektheysignedthepapersdownatCityHallandDadstilllikestojokehewastooyoungthentoknowbuthestillcomesrunnin’whenshecalls
Prechorus:SometimesIwonderhowyoueverpulledthroughwhensomanytrybutfeweverdo
Example2:“Colin’sSong”
Verse1:ColindrovetoConeyIslandandboughtatickettoaridethoughtheneededsomethingviolenttoscarehimaliveVerse2:Soyouclimbedintoaboxcarandwatchedthegroundrunoutbelowhewasdyingtofeelsomethingoutofcontrol
TENSE
Inchapter6,weexperimentedwith“when”andfoundthatitplaysanextremely
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Inchapter6,weexperimentedwith“when”andfoundthatitplaysanextremelycriticalroleinhelpingourlistenergetonboardwithourstory.Thatmeansthatwhatevertensewechoose,wejustneedtostayconsistentthroughoutthesection.Buttenseoffersanotherusefulsideeffectoutsideofdeterminingpast,present,orfuture.Tensecanofferflexibility,addingortakingawaysyllablestofitamelodyordesiredrhythm.Sometimes,moresyllablesareneededtomatchamelodicorrhythmicphrase,andplayingwithtensecanstretchthelineouttofillthosespaces.Sometimes,changingthetenseomitstongue-twistingprepositionsandconjunctions.Eachsituationisdifferent,soit’simportanttoknowyouroptions.
Inthefollowingexercises,you’llbeabletopracticeswitchingbetweentensestoachieveadifferentwayofsayingthesamething.Applythesedifferentvariationstoyourownlyrics,experimentingwithpast,present,andfuture.
EXERCISE10.3.PlayingwithTenseRewriteeachsectionbelow.Ifthesectionisinpresenttense,rewriteitinpasttenseandagaininfuturetense.Ifthesectionisinpasttense,rewriteitinfutureandagaininpresenttense,etc.
*Hint:Youmayneedtoaddaconjunctionorprepositiontomakethetensework.
Section1:Iwaswalkingonthebeachwiththesandundermyfeetandtheskylikeastageabovemyhead
PresentTense:
FutureTense:
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PossibleAnswers:
Iwalkonthebeach(or)Iwillwalkalongthebeach
Section2:WhenyoutoldmeyouwouldleavesomewheredeepwithinmymindIstilldidn’tquitebelieveyoumeantitthistime
PresentTense:
FutureTense:
PossibleAnswers:WhenyoutellmeyouwillleaveIstilldon’tquitebelieveyoumeanitthistime
Section3:SinkinglikeasaucerinawarmEgyptianskythesunlaysdownitsarmorandgivesintothenight
PastTense:
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FutureTense:
PossibleAnswers:ItsunkjustlikeasaucerinawarmEgyptianskythesunlaiddownitsarmorandgaveintothenight
Evenbetter:AsthesunlaiddownitsarmorandgaveintothenightitsunkjustlikeasaucerinthewarmEgyptiansky
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ChapterSummary
1.Exchangingspecificverbsforgenericverbsstrengthenstheexperienceforourlistener.2.Whateverthepointofview,itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesong.3.Whatevertensewechoose,itshouldstayconsistentthroughoutthesection.
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CHAPTER11TenStepstoWritingaSong
Throughoutthisbook,youhavelearnedvarioustechniquestostrengthentheexperienceyoucauseyourlistener.Themoreyouwrite,themoreeasilyyou’llbeabletoincorporatethesetechniquesintoyourlyrics.
Inthefollowingchapter,we’llrevieweachstepofourten-stepprocess.Aswemovethroughthesteps,I’lldevelopasongusingthetechniquesinvolved.Inthebeginning,you’llwanttostickcloselytothisplan.Overtime,youmightfindthatyoucanintegratevariousstepsandstillnaturallyarriveattheeffectyouwant.Let’sgetstarted.
TENSTEPS
Step1.Destination-WriteandCreateColumnsThisisthemostimportantstepofall.Taketenminutesanddestination-writefromeither“where,”“who,”or“when.”Makesuretostayfocusedonthesixkeysofconnection:
sightsoundtastetouchsmellmovement
*Hint:Themorespecificyourverbs,themoresense-boundyourobjectwritingwillbe.
Ihavechosentowritefroma“who”keyword,“hotelmaid.”
KEYWORD:HotelMaid(Verse)
Shecomesaroundafterthepartiesareover,aftertheromanceofcitylightsandnightlifehavedieddownandallthatisleftaretherumpledKleenexesandmangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Her
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mangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Hercartcreaksasthewheelswobbledownthehallway.Hairtiedbackinaneatbun,herapronstarchedandherstockingsplungingintoblackloaferscushioningherexhaustedarches,sherefillsthesoaps,thetoiletpaperrolls,andtheshowercapsnooneeverseemstoreallyuse.Shedriftsalongunnoticed,unlesshertinyknockinterruptssomeunsuspectingguestwhobarrelstothedoorandpouncesitshutasiftosay,“Howdareyoucomeinandtrytodoyourjobonmytime?”Maidstousarelikeschoolteacherswerewhenwewerechildren.Withoutthinkingweassumetheysimplydisappearwheneveningfalls,oractuallyliveatthehotelwheretheyleadhiddenlivesthatrevolvearoundbetteringours....
Step2.IdentifyExternalandInternal/CreateRhymePairsDrawalinedownthecenterofacleansheetofpaper.Atthetopoftheleftcolumn,write“External.”Atthetopoftherightcolumn,write“Internal.”
Thenunderlinealltheexternalphraseswithinyourdestinationwriting.Leavetheinternalphrasesblank.Rememberthatexternaldetailsprovokeanimageandinternalphrasescontainonlyathoughtorfeeling.Somephrasesrideathinlinebetweenexternalandinternal.Justdothebestyoucan,keepinginmindthatthemorespecifictheverb,themoreacutethesense-boundactionandthestrongertheimage.
Shecomesaroundafterthepartiesareover,aftertheromanceofcitylightsandnightlifehavedieddownandallthatisleftaretherumpledKleenexesandmangledwrappersbesidethebedsandemptybottlesleftabovetheminibar.Hercartcreaksasthewheelswobbledownthehallway.Hairtiedbackinaneatbun,herapronstarchedandherstockingsplungingintoblackloaferscushioningherexhaustedarches,sherefillsthesoaps,thetoiletpaperrolls,andtheshowercapsnooneeverseemstoreallyuse.Shedriftsalongunnoticed,unlesshertinyknockinterruptssomeunsuspectingguestwhobarrelstothedoorandpouncesitshutasiftosay,“Howdareyoucomeinandtrytodoyourjobonmytime.”Maidstousarelikeschoolteacherswerewhenwewerechildren.Withoutthinkingweassumetheysimplydisappearwheneveningfalls,oractuallyliveatthehotelwheretheyleadhiddenlivesthatrevolvearoundbetteringours....
Now,listyourexternalphrasesintheexternalcolumnandyourfavoriteinternalphrasesintheinternalcolumn.
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internalphrasesintheinternalcolumn.
External Internal
Shecomesaround apronstartched
afterthepartiesareover
citylights stockingsplunging
nightlife blackloafers aftertheromance
rumpledKleenexes exhaustedarches
allthatisleft
mangledwrappers refillsthesoaps
nooneeverseemstoreallyuse
besidethebeds toiletpaperrolls
emptybottles showercaps maidsarelikeschoolteachers
abovetheminibar driftsalongunnoticed
cartcreaks tinyknockinterrupts
withoutthinking
wheelswobble unsuspectingguest
assumetheydisappear
downthehallway barrelstothedoor
hairtiedback pouncesitshut
wheneveningfalls
neatbun theyliveatthehotel
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leadhiddenlivesthatevolvearoundours
Lookforrhymepairswithinandbetweentheexternalandinternalcolumns.Therhymetypesfrommostclosuretoleastare:
1.Perfect2.Family3.Additive/Subtractive4.Assonance5.Consonance
Frommycolumns,Iseethat“bottle”and“wobble,”“cart”and“minibar,”“creaks”and“wheels”couldbepossiblerhymepairs.Lookforrhymesbetweenyourexternalandinternalcolumnsaswell.“Showercaps”and“hairtiedback”couldbestructuredasrhymedphraseswithinmysection.
Step3.ChooseaRhymeScheme,TogglePattern,andPlotProgressionBeginthinkingaboutapossiblerhymeschemeandtogglepatternforeachsection.Youmayveerfromthatschemeaseachsectiondevelopsuniquemusicalphrasing;however,keepinmindthatcontrastiskey.Forexample,ifyouchooseanABABrhymeschemeforyourverse,youmightchooseanAABCCBschemeforyourchorus.Evenmoresimplyput,ifyourverseisfourlineslong,tryfollowingitwithatwo-lineprechorusandasix-linechorus.Youcanmixandmatchfromtheschemesandpatternsbelow.Besuretostickwithonetotwotopicsperfour-andsix-linesection,usingtheinnerlinestoadequatelyexpoundonthetopic(s).
NumberofLines TogglePattern
RhymeScheme
2El XX
II AA
EEEI XAXA
4 EIEI ABAB
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4 EIEI ABAB
IEII AABB
EEIEEI XXAXXA
6 EIEEII AABCCB
IEIIEI ABCABC
Formysong,Ichooseasix-lineversefollowedbyafour-lineprechorusandasix-linechorus.Myrhymeschemeandtogglepatternwillbeasfollows:
TogglingPattern
RhymeScheme
Verse: E A
I X
E B
E A
I X
E B
Prechorus: I X
E A
I X
I A
Chorus: Title T
Title T
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Title T
I A
VariationonTitle
T
Title T
Thenreviewtheplotprogressionquestions,andchooseastrategytodevelopyourstory.Choosefromthesetwocommonforms,includingoromittingasecondversebeforethefirstchorus,and/orprechorus.Keepinmindthatyoumayalsochooseaverse/refrainform.Inthiscase,youmightalsotryfollowinganyoftheformatsbelowthroughthefirstchorus.Forexample,thefirstverse/refrainwoulddescribetheproblemindetail,thesecondverse/refrainwouldofferhope,andthethirdverse/refrainwoulddescribethefutureasyou’dlikeittobe.Anotherwaytolookatthisismovingeachverse/refrainchronologicallyforwardintimesothatthefirstverseisaboutthepast,thesecondaboutthepresent,andthethirdaboutthefuture.Thentryflippingverses1and2,makingthenewverse1aboutthepresentandthenewverse2reminiscingbacktothepast.
PlotProgression1
Verse1:Whatistheproblemindetail/Whatwasthepastlike?OptionalVerse2:Describemoreoftheproblemindetail.OptionalPrechorus:Canitbedifferent/Doesithavetobethisway/Istherehope?Chorus:Whatwoulddifferentfeellike?Bridge:Whatstrugglesmustbeovercome?
PlotProgression2
Verse:Thewaythingsusedtobe/ThewayI’dlikethingstobePrechorus:Istherehope?Chorus:ThewaythingsareBridge:Everything’sgonnabeokay.
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Ichoosethefirstcommonplotprogressionformysong.
Step4.ToggletheVerseandPrechorus/AddConjunctionsandPrepositionsBegininsertingexternalandinternalphrasesaccordingtoyourrhymescheme,untilyouhavetheskeletonofthesection.Rememberourthreeelements?Yourfirstfewlinesshouldestablishthe“who,”“when,”and“where.”Youmaynothavealltherhymedphrasesyouneedwithinyourcolumnstocompleteafullsection.Inthiscase,insertanynewideaswhereneeded.Ifyouneedaninternalphrasethatfollowstwoexternalphrases,thatinternalphrasemaysimplybeacommentonorfeelingderivedfromthoseexternallines.Don’tworryaboutachievingtheperfectphrasing,atthisstage.Simplygetaroughidea,usingthedetailsthatbestdevelopthestoryandallowustoconnectwithyoursubject.
Herearemyphrasespluggedintomychosentogglepatternandrhymescheme:
Verse:Shedriftsalongafterthepartiesareovercollectsthetrashandwrapperslyingrumpledbythebedhairtiedbackhermindisfarawayhercartcreaksandwobblesdowntheselonelyhallsinstead
I’mnotcompletelysatisfiedwiththatlastrhyme“instead.”Rememberthatthelastlineofthesectionisthepowerposition.Here,thelimelightshinesmostbrightlyonmymostforcedrhyme.SoI’lltryadifferentconfigurationofmyexternalandinternaldetails.Feelfreetogowheretheimagestakeyou,rearrangingyourtogglingpatternasneeded.HereI’veusedEEIEEI.
Verse:ShedriftsalongcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandtheromancefadeawayShewalksbehindhercartcreaksandwobblesdisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday
Therearemanywaystowritethissameverse.Thetrickhereisnottosettleonsomethingjustbecauseittookyouthreehourstoconstruct.Ifyouneedtimeto
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somethingjustbecauseittookyouthreehourstoconstruct.Ifyouneedtimetobeobjective,puttheverseawayovernightandcomebacktoitthenextdaywithfreshears.Ifyouwroteonegoodsection,youcandoitagain.Don’tsacrificecontentforrhyme.
NowI’llmoveontomyprechorus,afour-linesectionwithatogglepatternofIEIIthatposesthequestion,“Istherehope?”
Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgotriestosmoothherhairtiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsheknowsthatthere’s
Rememberthatthelastlineoftheprechorusisalsoapowerpositionandagreatplaceforathoughtorfeelinglinesettinguporwrappingintothechorus.
Whenyouaddyourconjunctionsandprepositions,yourgoalwillbetoconnectthephraseswithconversationallanguage.Itcanbeassimpleasaddingconjunctionslike“and”or“but,”orfillinginslightlywithsomeinternallanguagetocompletethethought.Thentakeastepbackandreviewyourlyricsofar.Readitonceoutloud.Youmightnoticethatyourfirstverseisfullofcommasbutlackingfullphrases.Yourlyricalphrasingshouldmatchthemelodicphrasing.Whenamelodicphraseclosesdown,soshouldyourlyricalphrase.Fragmentedsentencesanddisjointedtopicspreventyouraudiencefromsinkingcompletelyintoyourworld.Reviseanylanguagethatdrawsmoreattentiontohowitissaidratherthanwhatissaid.Here’smylyricinamoreconversationalform:
Verse:ShedriftsalongandcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandtheromancefadeawayShewalksbehindacartthatcreaksandwobblesanddisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday
Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgososhetriestosmoothherhairandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshow’cuzsheknowsthatthere’s
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Step5.Destination-WriteAgainUsingThought/FeelingLanguageYou’relookingfortitlesandchorusmaterialthistime.Destination-writeagain,onlythistime,talkaboutyourthoughtsandfeelings.Startbyreadingthroughyouroriginaldestinationwritingandbeginwhereyouleftoff,speakingfromthemindofyourmaincharacter.Heregoes:
KEYWORD:HotelMaid(Chorus)
She’sunappreciated.Nooneknowssheexists.Iwonderwhatshethinksaboutwhenshecleansmyroom.Doesshethinkofallthechoicesshemadethatbroughtherhere?Anddoesshethinkofallthestrugglesshe’sovercomejusttogethere?IwishsheknewhowIrespecther,howIthinktheworldofwhatshedoesforme.Shedoesn’tknowit,butohhowshehumblesme.Doesherbosstreatherwell,ordoeshedespisehisownreflectionwhenhespeakstoher?Iwonderifshe’lleverfindherwayout,climbpasttheinvisiblelinethat’sholdingherdown....
Step6.LookforTitlesandRhymePairs/WritetheChorusBywritingwithinternallanguage,Icanfindmorethoughtsandfeelingsthatmightbegoodtitlematerial.Frommyparagraph,Ilikethesoundof“aninvisiblelineshecan’tseemtocross.”Ialsolikethemetaphorofaninvisiblelineforarace,astatus,orafinancialpositionthatisdifficulttoriseabove.Sowiththatinmind,I’llwritetowardsthetitle,“InvisibleLine.”Followyourtogglingpatternandwritethechorus,positioningyourrhymedphrasesintheappropriatepositionsinthescheme.Rememberthebodyguardandpowerposition.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.
I’lluserepetitiontocomeupwithasimplechorusaroundmytitle,“InvisibleLine”:
Chorus:Alineinvisiblelineinvisiblelineshe’llgetbythere’salineinvisibleline
NowI’lladdappropriateconversationalconjunctionsandprepositions:Chorus:Aline
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aninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline
*Hint:Tryexchangingthetenseofyourverbs.Forexample,“Shedriftsalongcollectingemptybottles”insteadof“...collectsemptybottles.”Keeptheverbformsconsistentthroughoutyourverse.Ichosenottodothatherebecauseinline5,“creaksandwobbles”wouldbecome“creakingandwobbling,”throwingofftherhythmofthelyric.
Step7.ConstructtheSecondVerseandPrechorusFollowthechosenplotprogression,andusepyramidingtowriteyoursecondverseandprechorus.Usethetogglingpatternofyourfirstverse,butfeelfreetoinvolvemoreinternaldetailthistime.Youmaychoosetousethesameprechorusorwriteanewone.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.
Hereismysecondversefollowedbyasecondprechorus:Verse:ShesitsaloneandshewatchesthroughthewindowasthecitybuscollectsandspitsheroutontoherstreetShe’sfinallyhomeandflipshershoesoffonthefloorherburningheelsarescreamingandsheneedstogetsomesleep
Prechorus:Butsheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgo’cuzthenightshift’sstartingsoonandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsoshetriesherbesttomove
Step8.ConstructtheBridgeFollowyourplotprogressionandpyramidingtotoggleabridge.Chooseatogglingpatternthatcontrastswithyourchorusandverseformaximumeffect.Considerhowyoursectionwilladdnewmeaningtothelastchorus.Addconjunctionsandprepositions.
Hereismybridge,writtenaroundtheideaofwhatstrugglesmustbeovercome:
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Bridge:Somedayshe’lldefeattheoddsbreakthewallsandceilingsdownandshewon’thavetofightanymore
Step9.Verbs,Tenses,andPointsofViewCheckthetenseandthepointofviewofyourlyric.Haveyouswitchedbetweenfirstandthirdperson?Isthetenseconsistentthroughouteachsection?Reviewyourlyriconcemore,andcirclealltheverbs.Considerwhethertherearemorespecificverbsthataccuratelydescribetheactiontakingplace.Thecloseryouzoomin,themorespecificthedetailandstrongertheexperience.Refertoyourthesaurusforbetterwordchoices.
Myweakestverbhereis“walks.”SoI’llgotomythesaurusformorechoices.SinceIwantthebackhalfofmysectiontomatchupwiththefronthalf,Ineedaone-syllablewordtoreplace“walks.”Thatlimitsmyoptionstoafewgoodwordslike“slips,”“slides,”“steps,”ormaybe“rolls.”Inthisinstance,I’llchoose“slides.”Repeatthissearchforeveryverbthatisn’tpullingitsweightwithinyoursection.
Step10.CheckConversationalQualityReadthroughyourlyricoutloud.
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Arethereanyfragmentedphrases?Canyouexchangeconjunctionsandprepositionstobetterconnectphrases?Do“who,”“where,”and“when”allappearwithinthefirstfewlinesofthesong?Rewritewhereneeded.
Hereismyfinishedlyric:Verse1:ShedriftsalongandcollectstheemptybottlesafterallthepartiesandromancefadeawaySheslidesbehindacartthatcreaksandwobblesanddisappearsagainuntilthenextnightturnstoday
Prechorus:Sheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgososhetriestosmoothherhairandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshow’cuzsheknowsthatthere’s
Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline
Verse2:ShesitsaloneandshewatchesthroughthewindowasthecitybuscollectsandspitsheroutontoherstreetShe’sfinallyhomeandflipshershoesoffonthefloorherburningheelsarescreamingandsheneedstogetsomesleep
Prechorus:Butsheknowsthatsheshouldhurryupandgo’cuzthenightshift’sstartingsoonandshe’stiredbutshedoesn’tletitshowsoshetriesherbesttomove
Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’saline
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aninvisiblelineBridge:Somedayshe’lldefeattheoddsbreakthewallsandceilingsdownandshewon’thavetofightanymore
Chorus:Alineaninvisiblelineaninvisiblelinethatsomedayshe’llgetbythere’salineaninvisibleline
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Afterword
Ihopethatyoufindthisprocessusefulindevelopingyourownideasintosongsyoulove.Withpersistenceanddedication,youwillseegreatimprovementinyourwriting.What’sevenmoreexcitingisthefingerprintthatwillemergeasyouexposeyourlifethroughstrongexperiences.Thereisn’tandneverwillbeanothersongwriterlikeyou,aslongasyouuseyourstrength—youruniqueperspective.Withit,youcanlookforwardtoalifetimeoffreshideasanddedicatedaudiences.Butmostofall,youcanbesatisfiedthatyoubroughtsomethingworthwhileintotheworld—yourself.
—AndreaStolpe
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APPENDIXA
DestinationWritingKeywords
PEOPLE,PLACES,ANDTIMES
“Who”
barmaidpolicemanmiddle-agedwomandiplomatshopaholicconstructionworkerpriestactorBMWdriveronhiscellphonehanggliderOlympicswimmerorphanwidowarchitectchainsmokerdrugaddictfamilybusinessownerhairdresserdentisthusbandandfatheroffour
“When”
justaftermidnightwhilebrushingyour
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whilebrushingyourteethpullingintoyourdrivewayjustbeforefallingasleepjustwakingupdrivingtoworkinthemorningwhilewaitingfortestresultsjustafterakisswhileputtingonmakeupwhilerunningthegarbagedisposalrunningthroughtheairportjustbeforeacarcrash
“Where”
coffeeshoppolicestationinsideastolencarahotelroomunemploymentlinealibraryalleyinNYCairportontheinterstateawinecellaraschoolgymanofficecubicleontopofMt.Evereststandinginfrontoftheopenrefrigeratoryourbedroomthelastpewofa
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thelastpewofachurchthebottomoftheGrandCanyonyourlivingroomwiththelightsoutafineartgallerygazingthroughabakerywindowintherain
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APPENDIXB
PrepositionsandConjunctionsPrepositionsshowrelationshipsbetweennounsandpronounsandotherwordsintermsofspace,time,andothersenses.Listedbelowareusefulprepositionsforoursongs.
aboutaboveacrossafteralongamongaroundatbecauseofbeforebehindbeneathbesidebetweenbeyondbyduringexceptforforfromininspiteofinsideinsteadoflikenearnexttoofonontoout
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outoutofthroughtotowardunderuntilupuponwith
Conjunctionsconnectwords,phrases,andclauses.Listedbelowareusefulconjunctionsforoursongs.
afteralthoughandasasifasthoughbecausebeforebutevenifeventhoughforifinorderthatonceorratherthansincesosothatthanthatthoughunlessuntil
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untilwhenwheneverwherewhereverwhileyet
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AbouttheAuthor
AndreaStolpeisaperformingartist,songwriter,andeducator.Throughouthercareer,shehasworkedasastaffwriterforEMI,Almo-Irving,andUniversalMusicPublishing,andhersongshavebeenrecordedbyFaithHill,DanielLeeMartin,andothers.SheistheauthoroftheonlinecourseCommercialSongwritingTechniques,partofBerkleemusic’ssongwritingprogram.Andreacontinuestotourasasoloartistandleadsongwritingworkshopsaroundthecountry.ShecurrentlylivesinLosAngeleswithherhusband,ProducerandRecordingEngineerJanStolpe.
SelectsongsAndreausedasexamplesinthisbookarerecordedonherCDBreakingEven.OrderitfromherWebsitewww.andreastolpe.com,whereyouwillalsofindadditionalsongwritingresources.
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INDEX
A
abstract/metaphoricalchorusadditive/subtractiverhymeadjectives
genericimportanceofinphrases
adverbsimportanceofinphrases
airportdestinationwritingexampleartist’sobjectiveartist’sperspectiveassonancerhymeAuntLouisedestinationwritingexample
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B“bodyguardposition,”“Breakaway”(Benenate,Gerrard,andLavigne)bridge
contrastandfunctionsofplotprogressionand
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Cchorus
abstract/metaphoricalbodyguardpositioninbridge’srelationto
ascontrasttoversesdestinationwritingforfour-stepprocessforfunctionoflistplotprogressionand“powerpositions”inpyramidingandsimplicityintogglingpatternsinclosure
musicalphraseandrhymesand
“Colin’sSong,”conjunctions
listofusing
consonancerhymecontent
bridgeandemotionalconnectionandlyricpatternfor,metaphorsandorganizingphrasesandplotprogressionandpyramidingprocessforinsecondversetimeframeandtogglingstrategyfororganizingwho,where,andwhenelementsand
contrastbridgesandexercisesforimportanceofnumberoflinesandprovidingtimingandtogglingpatternsandbetweenverseandchorus
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Ddestinationwriting
airportexampleAuntLouiseexampleforchorusmaterialdefineddetailandexercisesforasfirstdraftshiddencluesofhotelmaidexamplehotelroomexamplekeywords“when,”“where,”“who,”
detail.Seealsoexternaldetail;internaldetaildestinationwritinganddistinguishingemotionalconnectionandtimeframeandtogglingpatternsfortypesofweightofwho,where,andwhenelementsand
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Eemotionalconnection
contentandconversationallyricsanddetailandimportanceofmetaphorsandrhymeandsense-boundwritingandspecificityoftitleplacementandweightandwho,where,andwhenelementsand
exercisesappliedtogglingapplyingidentitiesapplyingplotprogressionsapplyingthethreeelementscontrastinactioncreatingcolumnscreatingfour-andsix-linesectionsdailydestinationwritingdistinguishingdetailfindingrhymepairsidentifyingbridgeandversefunctionsidentifyingthethreeelementsplayingwithtensepointofviewconsistencypowerhouseverbspyramidinginactionsense-boundwritingsupplyingrhymestogglingachorustogglinginactionusingconjunctionsandprepositionsverbalternativeswritingchoruses
experience,causinganasartist’sobjectiveconversationallyricsanddetailandmusicalphrasesandpurposeandrhymeandthroughverbs,adjectives,andadverbswho,where,andwhenelementsand
externaldetail
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externaldetailinchorusesdefinedexchangingfindingrhymesinidentifyinglistchorusesandmakingcolumnsoftogglingpatternsforasversecontent
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Ffamilyrhymefirstpersonpointofviewfour-linesections
contentchoicesforcreatingprovidingcontrastinrhymeschemesfor
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Hhotelmaiddestinationwritingexamplehotelroomdestinationwritingexample“HowItGoes,”
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Iidentityrhymeinternaldetail
inchorusesdefinedexchangingfindingrhymesinidentifyingmakingcolumnsofmetaphorsandinsecondverseassectionsummarytogglingpatternsforasverseaerationandpurpose
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K“Kaleidoscope,”
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Llistchoruslisteningsuggestions
chorusescontentandplotprogressionforcontrastdestinationwritingfour-linesectionsinternal/externaldetailsix-linesectionsthreeelements
“LoveCanBuildaBridge”(Jarvis,Judd,andOverstreet)“LoveWon’tTakeChances,”
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M“MaryHadaLittleLamb,”metaphorsmusic/lyricsrelationship
contentandfour-linesectionsphrasingandsix-linesections
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Nnouns
genericinphrases
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Oobjectwriting.Seealsodestinationwritingoutsiderpointofview
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PPattison,Pat
Songwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhymingWritingBetterLyrics
perfectrhymephrases,lyrical
forchorusmaterialconnectingcontentandcontrastandfindingtitlesinfour-linesectionsisolatinglanguageofmatchingmusicwithsix-linesections
phrases,musicalcontentandfour-linesectionshearingmatchinglyricswithrhymeschemeandrhymesandsix-linesections
plotprogressionapplicationofchoosingcommonexercisesforinsecondverseandprechorus
pointofviewchoosingchorusandconsistencyinidentifying
“powerpositions”inchorusinprechorusinverse
prechoruscontrastandplotprogressionand“powerposition”inpyramidingand
prepositionslistofusing
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usingpyramiding
definedprocessofsecondverseand
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Rrhyme
contrivanceandearsasassetforfindingpairsproblemswithtypesof
rhymeschemesforbridgecontrastandfour-linesectionsmusicalphraseandsix-linesectionstogglingpatternsand
rhythmadjustingverbtenseforcontrastandphrasingandrhymeandrhymesand
roadmapanalogy
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Ssecondversesense-boundwriting.Seealsodestinationwriting
exerciseforsixkeysofconnectionsix-linesections
contentchoicesforcreatingprovidingcontrastinrhymeschemesfortogglingpatternsfor
Songwriting:EssentialGuidetoRhyming(Pattison)
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Tten-stepsongwritingprocesstense
exchangingmaintainingconsistency
“That’sAmore”(BrooksandWarren)“TimeafterTime”(LauperandHyman)titles
additionallineforfindingplacementof
togglingpatternsinbridgeinchorusconnectingsectionscontentandcontrastanddefinedexercisesforfillinginmissinglinesprocessofrhymeschemeandinverses
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Vverbs
importanceofinphrasespowerhousestrengtheningtenseof
verseschorusascontrasttodetailinfour-linesectionsplotprogressionand“powerposition”inpyramidingandsecond,functionsofsix-linesectionsstructurefortogglingpatternsinwriting
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Wweight
defineddetailand
“when”destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricsplotprogressionandpresenceinlyricsinsecondversetenseconsistencyand
“WhenIt’sOver,”“WhenSheThinksAboutLeavin’,”“where”
destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricspresenceinlyrics
“who”destinationwritingidentifyingplacementinlyricspresenceinlyrics
“why”aschorusfunction“WhyGeorgia”(Mayer)WritingBetterLyrics(Pattison)
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Zzoomingin
chorusanddefinedpyramidingandverseand
zoomingoutchorusanddefinedpyramidingand