Politically IncorrectReasons To Hire Old People

Anyone who is fifty-five and unemployed knows they are more likely to win the Nobel Prize than find a job, even if they have a Nobel Prize on their résumé.

The thirty-year old hiring manager is well aware that older workers have more health problems. Older workers don't multi-task very well. Older workers have more trouble with technology. And older workers are more likely to lose their cars in the company parking lot. Hiring managers aren't stupid. Their parents are baby boomers.

Companies don’t really believe the politically correct reasons to hire older workers.

Therefore, it would be useful to both sides to know the politically incorrect reasons to hire an old person over a younger but equally qualified candidate.

Older People Don’t Want Your Job

Old people are happy to have the job you give them. They are wonderfully unambitious. They won't disrupt your team with Machiavellian power plays. Older workers know that if they were going to be CEO, if would have happened by now. They've made peace with it. And they're ready to do the job you actually need done.

Older People Have Lost Interest In Sex*

Typically the older male job applicant has a nagging wife, several ungrateful children, and a second mortgage. He is not interested in re-creating the same scenario with a female member of your staff. Older female job applicants are either married and jaded or single and jaded. Either way, they know romance is not all it's cracked up to be. You can count on older workers to keep their noses to the grindstone, instead of sniffing around the office for sex.

* Except for a few old perverts

Older People Don’t Get Invited To Happy Hour

Young people don't socialize much with old folks. Older workers will have shorter lunch breaks because they aren't talking to anyone. In fact, they'll probably eat at their desks. Older workers won't go to happy hour with everyone else. They'll go home, watch the news, and be in bed by nine. When you include hangovers as a variable, older workers are far more productive than younger ones.

Older People Don’t Have Followers

Most older workers use very little social media. They forward emails of puppies. They go on Facebook to keep up with family and share photos of the grandkids. They don’t know how to post a video of you being an ass on YouTube. They can’t Tweet #badboss or post your snarky emails on Imgur. Even if older people figure out the technicalities of social media, they have less than 25 followers. Nothing you say or do will go viral.

Older People are Not Drug Addicts or Alcoholics

If they were, they’d be dead by now.

Miami Writer miamiwriter.com