plucking the golden gander

University of Northern Iowa

Plucking the Golden GanderAuthor(s): Henriette WeberSource: The North American Review, Vol. 225, No. 842 (Apr., 1928), pp. 461-464Published by: University of Northern IowaStable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/25110474 .

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PLUCKING THE GOLDEN GANDER BY HENRIETTE WEBER

"The rules drawn up when woman was an economic slave still

appear to exist when woman claims to be an economic equal." So commented an English judge recently, when a woman ap

peared before him to claim damages for breach of promise. The

judge took the easiest way out?presumably the plaintiff was

good to look upon?and awarded her one hundred pounds. Nevertheless he could not refrain from giving voice to a sentiment

rapidly growing more popular: that there is no economic justice in making a man pay simply because he has usurped the privilege of changing his mind. Moreover his decision may have been the

very best thing for all concerned. The "hard-boiled virgin" who takes the stand that money can

heal a heartache deliberately rubs all the peach bloom off of ro

mance, leaving it but a dead and withered fruit, and so deserves

neither sympathy nor money. The affair becomes at once a

completely sordid one, so that the world, even including the un

suspecting male, is beginning to guess that little (if any) honest sentiment actuates a woman capable of measuring such a hurt

in ice cold dollars.

Hewing to the same line as the breach-of-promise technician, but with an even more expansive settlement in view, is the vacuous

hearted parasite whose favorite music is the Alimony Blues. Here again the man is asked to pay and pay?for what? When a marriage is dissolved, it is no longer a tangible asset, or even a

dubious liability. Then why should the mere male pay for that

which no longer exists? In order to forestall an army of protests, let it be recorded right here that the answer to that question is

obviously entirely different in the case of children. For them

adequate provision must be made, reasonably according to the

father's means. They are his economic responsibility, whatever

the cause of the separation.



462 THE NORTH AMERICAN REVIEW

The purpose of this discussion, however, is not family eco

nomics but rather the gross unfairness and even dishonesty of the able bodied, youngish and childless woman who divorces her husband or is divorced by him, and then as an inciter to chivalry, plays a r?le which is the height of illogical impudence. In the

light of this day of economic equality and women's rights and feministic privileges, she is a first class throw-back. She sees

herself in a prima donna r?le, and sings her aria, "I am Weak and Need Protection" to the assiduous accompaniment of her in

feriority complex, and thinks she is doing a shrewd and clever

thing by getting something for nothing. Or does she ? Let us see.

None of us need to be reminded how numerous are the expo nents of this gold digging technique. Shopping around in hotel lobbies for face values, you can see a replica of them ornamenting every nook and corner or joyously usurping the point of vantage

by slowly wending her perfumed way through any well-appointed peacock alley?the cockiest of them all.

Here she is, in the interesting thirties, a radiant exponent of

beauty parlor ministrations. Her hair waved to a degree where it successfully conceals nature. Her "facial" has been the per fect and expensive kind. Perfect and expensive, likewise, is her

costume, and the pekinese which she lovingly caresses in the curve

of one round arm. The lady, in fact, is a composite of potential curves which an excessive indulgence in creamed mushrooms and other delicacies threatens soon to turn into clearly defined ac

tualities. She probably revels in "odeurs" without pronounc

ing the word correctly, and possesses a repertoire of compacts suited to the exigencies of every hour of the day. Altogether life for her is just one long sweet endeavor to get as much as she can, and to give in return as little as possible. She is expert in short

changing life's values, and far too short-sighted to see the mile

high placard, " You Can't Win !

"

But conditions are changing. The gold rush is about ended. The number of willing suckers who pay the toll of sympathy sobs

indefinitely and at exorbitant prices, is decreasing. On all sides

there are healthy indications that even the law is taking a differ

ent stand. For example Governor Paulen of Kansas has recently determined to make his State a refuge for wife-deserting hus



PLUCKING THE GOLDEN GANDER 468

bands. He bolsters up his somewhat surprising decision with the assertion that "a wife who cannot hold a man's love and keep him at home is not entitled to the services of a Sheriff to take him back"; and so the Governor is refusing writs of extradition. He contends that most requests for extradition are attempts to

compel the payment of alimony. Women on juries are not the

only ones who are seeking to put these exponents of sex inequal ity in their places. Rebellion among the men, as already in

dicated, is spreading. This does not signify less chivalry on

their part, but merely that men are developing a new discrimina tion. This is making of modern chivalry a finer and nobler

thing. Oldtime chivalry we are apt to gaze upon through a haze of

enchantment. The distance of time lends this to our view. All looks beautiful and romantic, and if your vision remains blurred,

you will see nothing else. But blink your eyes once or twice and

get a clearer view. Then you will see the other side of the sit uation. Oldtime chivalry was supremely selfish. It placed woman on a pedestal, to be sure, but the top of a pedestal is an

uncomfortably small space for prolonged tenancy. Since it

flattered women to occupy this position, they naturally looked

upon it as a gallant gesture on the part of the men, quite losing sight of the fact that it left the imaginative male a far greater freedom of action than would have been the case had he been

subjected to a closer and more understanding scrutiny. "You look beautiful up there, my dear," he said slyly. And

Lady Love accepted this as a gracious compliment. But one day Ariadne, or someone, stepped down off the ped

estal. She had been doing a lot of thinking. "The happiness I would lives not in darkness," she remarked to herself.

While the sugar-coated compliments men had given her were ex

tremely pleasant, they had begun to cloy a bit. Moreover she

began to suspect that possibly there was a good deal of method

in their flattery. Their technique was becoming so proficient that they must have a good reason, she judged, for practising it

so assiduously. Besides, she was getting rather tired of her

cramped position. Wouldn't it be pleasant to stretch a leg and

go about the world a bit, all on her own, Ariadne asked herself,



464 THE NORTH AMERICAN REVIEW

and possibly unearth a new thrill? After all, some of these

wanderings that the men folk were indulging in must be enjoy able. She would find out! And she did! Then she hurried back to her pedestaled sisters to tell them several things she had discovered. Presently one and another and finally in increasing numbers they followed her example.

At about this time life, for the men, began to become much more complex. It was no longer as easy as it used to be to suc

ceed with the "kept-late-at-the-office" excuse, with a keen-eyed intelligence at the other end of the telephone. Women were be

ginning to see and learn and know many things heretofore kept from them. The one thing men forgot was that the top of a

pedestal, cramped though it might be, offered a good point of observation. But with more knowledge, there has come an

infinitely better understanding between the sexes. Therefore all the more heinous is the parasitical attitude of the unfair members of the sex who think they are modern because they know the latest dance steps, jazz tunes, and fashion foibles.

Stuffing their minds with trifles, they have let the progress of the world pass them by and are hopelessly old-fashioned. They have gone back to the dark ages. They have climbed back on

the pedestal, but the base is now insecure. It has been allowed to rot away through insincerity and bad faith, if not downright dishonesty. The once favored position has lost caste.

Oh, Lady! Lady! Come down off your perch before some one knocks it over. Open your eyes and take a look. Can

you not see that you have been side-stepping the main issue? Just "shopping around" in life?that's what you have been

doing. And it's a wasteful expenditure of time, energy and

money. You may strike a superficial bargain here and there, but by cluttering up your time in aimless wanderings you pass

by the really worth while things, the possession of which would

bring you far more lasting satisfaction. You are paying far too

dearly for every one of those unearned alimony dollars. Where is your esprit de c ur? Be fair-minded and stout-hearted enough to stand on your own feet. If you do, you will get farther, stay

young much longer, and have an infinitely better time with life.



plucking the golden gander

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