pleased to brief you
TRANSCRIPT
I can’t solve all your problems.
I can point you in the right direction.
Important tools• Positioning statement;• Fletch-Kincaid readability score;• Vernacular eloquence review.
It’s time to radically re-imagine how we
write.
A special emphasis on audience needs.
A special emphasis on brevity and clarity.
A special emphasis on logical structure.
We are writers in a hurry.
“THE COMPLETION OF TWO PERFECT SENTENCES IS A FULL DAY’S WORK.”
James Joyce
Our Problems
We write too much…and we don’t write
clearly.
Our sentences are too long.
Our language and style alienates and
disenfranchises.
We structure our information poorly.
We fail to imagine what our audience needs.
Implications
We’re not engaging our readers.
No one wants to read what we write.
No one needs to read what we write.
We don’t have a point of view.
We don’t present a range of options.
We don’t explain the implications of various
options.
People don’t need to grapple with our point
of view.
People don’t value our input.
We’re not articulating a strategy.
We’re not communicating
effectively.
We’re not doing our job.
We write too much because no one tells us
to stop.
Please stop.
We don’t know what people want…
so we give them everything.
We’re trying to protect ourselves.
We think no one is reading what we write.
We don’t talk about the value of clarity and
power.
No narrative…no voice…no story…no point…no interest.
Exercise One.
Discuss and report• What’s important in the document ?• What’s not ?• What are they really trying to say ?• How would you fix it ?
Report back
Lessons learned:• If you say everything, you say nothing;• Keep sentences short;• Structure is important.
Data dumps…
..are hard to structure.
No narrative…no voice…no story…no point…no interest.
Readers have to hunt for useful info.
Long, ponderous sentences
harm clarity.
When structuring a document,
apply critical thinking.
Ask three important questions:
1) What problem are we trying to solve ?
2) What does “good”look like ?
3) How will we know when we get there ?
Audience needs.
Our audience is busy.
Our audience is looking for more information.
Our audience wants to make a decision.
Our audience are generalists.
Be clear;Be well-organized;Be brief;Be informative.
Robert D. BehnKennedy School of Government.
“EFFECTIVE POLICY WRITING IS CONVINCING BECAUSE OF THE COHERENCE OF ITS UNDERLYING LOGIC-AND BECAUSE OF THE CLARITY OF ITS PRESENTATION OF THAT LOGIC.”
Robert Behn, 2012
No writer can save poor thinking.
Bad writing can sabotage good thinking.
Exercise TwoCritical Thinking
Discuss and report• What problem are we trying to solve ? • What does good look like ?• How will we know when we get there ?
Report back.
Tools
Measuring text
Govt. of Sask. briefing note.
Average Score = 30-36
Good score
Bad score
Aim for:• A score of 50 or better;• 10 - 15 words per sentence;• Grade level between 6 - 8.
Grade Six readability is hard to achieve, but it’s not “dumbing
down”.
B. ObamaM. Obama
H. ClintonD. Trump
0
22.5
45
67.5
90
Readability ScoresMajor Convention Speeches
July, 2016
B. ObamaM. Obama
H. ClintonD. Trump
0
2.25
4.5
6.75
9
Grade LevelMajor Convention Speeches
July, 2016
Text Analysis of recent govt. writing.
cominglementsunitization
re-locatables
the march of the long sentences
12 -15 words per sentence
Reading Ease score:
50 or better.
Readability grade level
6 to 8
How are you doing?
Qualities• Simplicity
• stripped down to core
• masters of exclusion, relentless ordering of priorities
• proverbs: simple profound, revealing a higher truth.
• Concreteness
• explained in terms of human actions
• Include sensory information
• concrete images, language
• strengthen, synergy, strategy
Emotion• This is our past
• This is how we imagine the future....
• Steer clear of abstract, analytical pitches.
• I have a student....
• I have a daughter....
• The Simple Positioning Statement
• An emotional statement (this is mostly about feelings)
• Key Message
• Two Facts
• Action Statement (Demand)
A (hypothetical) positioning statement for a (hypothetical) university.
• Empathy: Your children should be educated close to home.
• Key Message: Support for PSE must increase.
• Two Facts:
• 1) 70% of the new jobs created in Canada in the next decade will require post secondary education.
• 2) Our graduates earn $27,600 more per year than those with diplomas below the bachelor’s level, translating into an extra $1.1 million over their lifetime.
• Action Statement: Give us more money.
Exercise ThreeSaskTel
Using Readability Scores to improve
writing.
Sasktel 2014 Annual Report.
• Pg. 6• Let’s re-write it.
20 minutes
• Can you do better ?
Let’s see how you did
vernacular eloquence
“If we read every sentence aloud carefully…and if we then fiddle and adjust
our words until they feel right in the mouth and sound right in the ear, the resulting sentence will be strong and
clear.”
–Prof. Peter Elbow
Questions
• Do you write multiple drafts ?• Do you read them out loud to someone else ?
Parting thoughts
In your documents/presentations….• convey a big idea;• covey what’s at stake;• Convince me I should care.
Exhibit a clarity of intent
• What problem am I trying to solve;• What does ‘good’ look like;• How will I know when I get there ?
Rejected opportunity cost
• What happens if I do nothing ?
An audience transformed
• The highest goal;• Now that I’ve read this, I know this;• Now, I have to do something.
A presentation template
We had a big idea• It’s important because—• This idea came from—• We talked to these people, and they said—
Here’s how our big idea changed
• We were surprised to discover—• New information created these new insights—• Here’s why these insights are valuable—
The value proposition
• Our big idea will improve a process/save money/• make life better for people in the following ways—
Rejected opportunity cost
• If we do nothing, here are the consequences—• Here’s what they are doing on other jurisdictions—
No that you now all this
• You must—
questions