please use rear exit (part 1)

8/9/2019 Please Use Rear Exit (Part 1)

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PLEASE USE REAR EXIT

A Digi Novel by Brandon Perkins

1

SKINNY B [email protected]



All rights reserved. Every part of this book may bereproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanicalmeans, of the facilitation thereof, including information

storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, including by a reviewer, who may quoteinnite passages in a review, because...why get mad at that

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Blog Roll:

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badbeat.LA elitaste.com

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wikipedia.org aloeblacc.com

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SPECIAL THANKS

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for mom and pops...jer, ry, and brothers

from other mothers...doowops, squeazles,

squids, and katydids...



7

Everyone on he bus was horribly disgured. Wars,

scars, sains, blemishes, mated hair, and various oherdismembering smells. Fih-generaion -shirs ha sared wih spors-playing grandsons ended heir atered saga onhe drooping shoulders o a youngin’s grea grandmoher.Hand-me-downs were hand-me-ups. I all wen in reverse.Te passengers sa wo-by-wo or sood in he aisles, grasping

sweay bars or balance. Teir day o day bus was aking hemino he nigh and he Brown Beween had a endency o jerk raher suddenly.

Te bus ran rom Los Angeles’s mos maligned residenialline (Compon’s Circle) o he #720 and back again. Higherclass roues exised or higher-class passengers who lived inancier places. I was mosly he poor ha rode he BrownBeween. Is primary purpose was o shutle he cleaningsa, ra cachers, dishwashers, as ood shor order ches,shee meal deburrers, and oher employees o undesirableserviude o and rom heir overcrowded residenial

CHAPTER ONE(( the brown btwn moments ))



complexes on an impossibly rickey se o racks—and

he Brown Beween was he only line in he ciy ha sillseemed o be on racks. When he seas were comorablehey el inesed wih unimaginable insecs. And whenhey weren’ comorable? Te abric looked righully diseased and he insecs acually crep up everyone’s legs.

Mikhail’s weekly Friday nigh rek rom his sudio

aparmen in Compon’s Circle o he #720 was always hismos awkward. He sood ou among he acory ras in heirgreased overalls and he solemn amilies wih all hosegrocery bags ull o empy cans. During he day he worean employer-issued uniorm, jus like hem, bu Mikhail’sFriday nigh clohes were ruly his Sunday bes. His rek o work, rom Compon’s Circle, insilled in him a sense o

auheniciy ha was lacking on LA’s nicer roues, bu his weekend wardrobe—designer whie ee, skinny jeans, hisrequisie Dipse scully—made him eel like a poser. Noneo he oher passengers would be spending $300 on boozeover he nex six hours and Mikhail’s change o cosumemade everyone aware o his ac. And, unil he Pary Kids

ranserred rom he riangle—he second o las sop beore he #720—Mikhail would ride alone hrough TeInerne in he middle o all ha knowing ension generaed by such an economic realiy.

8

Please Use Rear Exit



Teir silence was almos deaening and would’ve beennearly unbearable were i no or he nails-on-chalkboardscreech o he rus-bucke bus in moion. Over he whirringgears and gaskes ha ransormed he power o Te Inerneino locomoion, people swayed and slep, moving o he

ebbs and ows o he rickey ransi. Weaving in and ou o consciousness wih he wiss and urns o he Brown BWN’sshucks and jives, i was a brie momen o harmony. Nearly allo hem were srangers and ye, hey all seemed o slumber ina uniing rhyhm.

Te Brown BWN was mildly crowded, is seas occupied

by abou 40 people and wo bags o cans. Mikhail’s Converseschucked under a se o seas in he bus’ exac middle. He hada oo o space in each direcion beween hose sanding andswaying in he aisle alongside him, and he lucky litle amily

Compton’s

Circle

#4#780

#720

E. Ho

Triangle

#16b

Lil Rectangle

BROWN BTWN

9



ha grabbed a sea. Bu he young boy in his aher’s lap wasdeniely no sleeping, even as his parens’ eyes were heavily shu. He pushed he op o his head rmly ino his aher’sches, arching his squirmy body and pushing his ee againshe sea in ron o hem. He suck a diry s ino his pop’scheek, pushing beore evenually apping wih an exponenial

ervor. Te aps came sooner and soon became punches. Pop’sa mouh swallowed he young boy’s grimy hand whole. Pop’seyes never opened, he jus playully gnawed his son’s chubby wris. Growled a bi. His only son quiely giggled. Te enireineracion was incredibly silen.

Everyhing suddenly came o a hal. All he air insidehe bus slammed orward in a bi o biter rage. An old lady

o Mikhail’s le, crashed ino him a he BWN’s suddensop. He picked up her plasic leg—which ew orward aan alarming rae, bu ell jus a ew ee in ron o him—andhanded i back o her. She had no eeh and a pach o scarredskin covered wha should’ve been her le eye, bu she smiledgenuinely. As she seadied her hand on Mikhail’s shoulder,

she screwed he leg back ino place, graeul or his aid. Maybe Mikhail wasn’ so ou o place aer all.


10



People go o he bus bu more people go on, as he overheadannouncemen urged everyone omove owards he back. Mikhailound himsel direcly on opo ye anoher amily, locaedseven rows behind he squirmy

son and his poor pops. Tis ime,everyone was alarmingly awake,especially he litle girl ha sa onher moher’s lap.

“Mommy, Ms. Brisson saysha a caerpillar can urn ino

a butery, do you believe ha, Mommy? Ms. Brisson says ha acaerpillar eas and eas and eas andeas and hen goes o sleep and heni wakes up as a butery, Mommy,he caerpillar beore i sleeps, ihrows up all is ood on isel and

makes a sleeping bag o sleep in, do you believe ha, Mommy? Ta’s wha Ms. Brisson says and she’ssoooo smar, Mommy.”

by Brandn Perkins

11

drink this. advertise here.

[email protected]



Mommy nodded. Her child was he loudes hing on he bus, even louder han he grinding gears and unrelening

push o he vehicle’s moor. Even wih eigh legs, he child was beauiul and beauiul was rarely seen around hose pars. Everyone on he bus gave her a pass because hey knew she’d go places ha hey would never venure, placesha heir children probably wouldn’ eiher. Her hair was in braids and he longes srand dangled in ron o her ace. She

pulled i down pas her chin and was quick o bie he braid’sip beween her eeh.“Mommy, you won’ even believe his,” she said, sill

sucking on he braid, “bu Ms. Brisson says ha enacles urnino rogs, Mommy, do you believe ha?” Mascara marked hechild’s eyes. Big brown eyes bated in her moher’s direcion. A eal ribbon balanced on her head like a iara. She knew ha

she looked like a princess despie—or perhaps especially —in eigh whie sandals so scued.




“Mommy, a enacle moves like his,” her arm wiggled

slowly rom side o side like a snake in he waer beore her wrihing limb reached up and began playing wih he lone braid ha symmerically divided her dark porcelain ace, andeven hough she mean adpole insead o enacle, i didn’mater, “and i swims and swims and hen i goes o sleep inhe mud and i wakes up as a litle iny, iny rog,” she brough

her ngers in real close o her ace and le he smalles gap beween hem, “i’s so small, Mommy, bu hen i grows biggerand bigger and bigger and someimes, ha litle enacle wakes up as a big old a bullrog. Tey ribbi. Ribbit! Why dohey ribbi, Mommy?”

Mikhail imagined ha Kaya was a similarly precociouschild. She was reading beore she was speaking and once

she spoke, she never sopped. Bu Kaya was born ino anafuen amily. As was Saron, and or ha mater, here

by Brandn Perkins



was a good chance ha any girl he was abou o mee wouldhave ineviably been raised in an environmen ha wouldhumb heir nose a his litle girl’s amily. He hoped ha hischild, so concerned abou enacles and buteries, wouldremember where she came rom, ha i would help groundher, and no a all in a mater ha she el was owed o her.

Mikhail hough abou nding a girl wih perspecive ha hecould spend his lie wih. He waned o inspire ha girl, hagirl which he hadn’ ye me, and i made him wan o inspirehis litle child so concerned wih he lessons o Ms. Brisson.He hough abou answering he girl’s quesion, abou why rogs ribbi, bu somehing abou inerruping a conversaionalways made him blush.

“You’re so smar,” Mommy said, kissing he child’sorehead.

“Why didn’ you wan o be smar, Mommy? I like beingsmar because I ge o know hings ha oher people don’ge o know because hey’re no smar and ha’s why I likeschool, Mommy, bu why don’ you go o school, Mommy?

You should go o school because I know everyhing and youonly know almost everyhing, Mommy, why don’ you go oschool so you can know everyhing like me?”

14




Mommy kissed her child’s orehead again, mumblingsomehing abou being so smar, so proud. She repeaedly

kissed he child’s ace wih increasing zeal, bu wihou asmile. Te child urrowed her brow, deep in hough, biingdown on he braid o show he world her conemplaion. Sheslapped a a y ha atemped o land anywhere is wingscould res.

“Ta y used o be a legless glop o whie goop,” Mikhailsaid, winking a Mommy. Ta wasn’ so bad. “I was born ou

o garbage, rash, all he junk we hrow ou. I wen o sleepand grew wings.”

“Mommy, is ha rue? Did he goop grow wings?”

15



Mommy nodded and pulled he yellow chord ha hungo her le. From he ceiling, an auomaed man’s deep voiceannounced and hen poliely demanded, “Sop requesed.Please use rear exi.”

“I love school. Why don’ you go o school, Mommy? Ms.Brisson is so smar and prety, jus like me, why don’ you wan o be smar and prety, Mommy?”

Te bus casually slowed o a sop. No legs were los. Led by he hand, he child sood up on all eigh o her scuedsandals. Mommy and an exhaused aher arose. Tey impaienly hued and pued heir way hrough he sragglerssill sruggling wih heir su—slohs blocking he aisles—owards he ron o he bus and an unhappy ranser ono

he #780. ired workers ook he amily’s seas and Mikhailmoved owards he door, making a bee-line or his weekly swee spo. Comorably wedged beween a bench and he wheel cap, no one would ask him o move once all he Pary Kids piled in by he rowdy and rabid dozens a ew ransersdown he line. His posiion allowed him o be among he rso exi ono he #720. I wasn’ ha he was anxious o mee up wih his riends or a new-again nigh ou, he jus didn’ wano deal wih all hose people.

16




CHAPTER TWO(( how to buy low ))

Aer swiping his card and raversing he urnsile, Mikhailcasually crossed he #720’s brighly-li corridor and walked inoLow wihou having o show his ID. Once his eyes had adjused ohe damp dimness o he bar’s dingy inerior, he was immediaely sruck by he sharp shi in he bar’s demographics since his las visi. Te beer-belly boiserousness o he blue collar se had

miraculously ransormed ino an invasion o ashion-challenged bro’s and vodka-slamming sororiy slus. I was only a ew monhs prior, one o hose rare imes ha Kaya had le him mee his riendsor a nigh ou, ha Mikhail observed he usual Budweiser-sippingacory ras as he quickly drank a Jameson on he rocks. Back hen,nohing had changed—i was exacly as he knew i, or every pre-Kaya Friday nigh over a hree-year-span, when he’d sop in Low

or a quick dolo drink o sar his evening.Easily he closes bar o he Brown BWN’s ranser, is

clienele used o be a reecion o he negleced line’s orgoten passengers. Low was by-passed by he Pary Kids—who were

18



oo scared o drink wih he someimes scary bu mosly iredunderbelly o sociey—in avor o glizier esablishmens ha were jus around eiher corner. Tey passed Low no more, now

mobbing he barenders in he back and lining up or karaoke o o he side. Mikhail el like he had le his childhood aparmen inhe riangle and reurned a ew monhs laer o nd an amusemen park in his bedroom. He didn’ know wheher o be erried or akid in he candy sore. He jus knew ha he’d need a drink o ully gure ou how ha roller-coaser inside his old close.

Low looked he same. Like hey did on all he roues,adverisemens clutered every ree inch o real esae. Teashing images beckoned men o Te PPP or looped commenary on people wih diry mouhs, and he ads hadn’ changed since Mikhail rs sepped oo in he place years ago. Te parons jus

19



blowing up his cell phone all nigh; he el he blinking red lighin his pocke pracically burn a hole in his jeans. Tey boh knew ha his was his rs Friday nigh ou as a single man and she haedhe idea o i. Bu all o he negaive energy, building up in his phone as wounded ex messages and missed calls, was a choicenow and i was pited up agains a surprising surplus o posiively beauiul young women. Te Choice Is Yours (Rmx). Gone werehe pock-marked barenders o yore, replaced by hree ladies o liquored lore. Mikhail kep wih he momenum and moved ono

he new. Wihou aking ou his phone, he hi a buton on is sideha changed he blinking red ligh he knew exised, ino a slower,more mued green blas.

Te new girls non-chalanly moved rom saion o saion, botle o botle, and nally, botle o glass, answering he calls o

go swapped, and brough along a beter soundrack wih hem. Bu

i was all a blur once he made his way o he bar.

And wih how beauiulhe barenders were, Mikhailquickly sopped caring how hedrasic change had happened

and sared believing ha Low’sransormaion was a sign, a signha screamed how righ he was o break up wih Kaya. She’d been


“photos for you”only at The PPP

(( compton’s circle ))

pleaseuserearexit.net

20



by Brandn Perkins

he hirsy Pary Kids ha surrounded Mikhail. Te rs shawy was blonde and covered in atoos, her Sonic he Hedgehog hair

jus begging or pixie comparisons. Her rosed ips were visibly dead, drowned in bleach, dying o jus die and nally all ou in peace. Bu hey were jus a oonoe in he bold-aced headlineo razor sharp nipples on a pair o barely-covered breasesses. Wihou a bra, her wie-beaer was perorming miracles in hesruggle agains graviy.

Her parner behind he bar lierally wore her eahers ou: asunning plume o pinks and purples mohawked down rom herhead and hrough he open back o her Bob Marley -shir. Herheavily mascaraed eyes were pracically iridescen and incredibly sad. Tey held he pain o war veerans and widows, while her body balanced he Lolia-like inviaions o youh. She was soskinny under he bagginess o her vinage op ha he poenial

or a boobie o slip ou was jus as likely as anarm. Her skin looked as virginal as he eaherssprouing rom her back and surely el jus as so.

And nearly as much as hereyes appeared a hear-beaaway rom cerain deah.She smiled hrough he whole ordeal.



Please read P.U.R.E’s rst bonus chapter:

pleaseuserearexit.net/bonus

“The exact emotional epicenter of

sports and childhood...a soaringly

relateable acheivement.”— Skinn



Te las lady walked meekly wih litle cry or atenion. Anexoic aupe o her silky skin, her sexualiy only showed in brie

glimpses, compleely covered up when compared o he oherwo barenders. Her body was cloaked in an unalered -shirand shors ha didn’ a all resemble panies. Mysery cloudedin every sensual-ye-ully-clad sep. Te lone pach o easily-overlooked skin was a perecly au mid-dri. I exised righ where her blue op ended and her shors began, only visibleor wo sweaing inches when she reached up o grab a sack o plasic cups. Her skin looked ho o he ouch, bu a meal botleopener was chillingly ucked agains he proruding pelvic boneha peaked ou rom her low-slung capris. Te clash o body heaagains a simple ool’s cold seel immediaely warmed Mikhail’s

TEQUILA.Getting you laid or getting you punched since

before The Internet existed.

by Brandn Perkins

23



croch. He’d miss hose deails laer in he nigh, once he drinkshi hyper-speed, bu righ here, ha smalles juxaposiion was

nearly enough o make him all in love.He asserively ried o make eye conac and hen smiled wih

a hin o shyness, proud ha he gesure el naural. He wanedo show ineres in more han jus booze, wihou perveredly leering, bu she quickly ducked away unineresed. She was jushe bar back, no allowed o serve him in he ormal way and way

oo imid o reurn his iraious inormaliies. Mikhail saw helogic in i, bu sill go a litle sung. urning o his righ, Soniche Hedgehog was walking owards him quie casually, obviously no in a huge rush. He sared o order when his Dipse scully was pulled down over his ace and everyhing wen dark. Beore hecould even urn around—

“I ge he boosers boosin’, I ge compuers puin’,” Chevy snarled, careul o enunciae he laissez-aire like Cam’ron, “Y’allge sho a, call me, I do he shooin’.”


24 photo by GZW / illio by Skinny B



by Brandn Perkins

No waning o lose an easy chance o order, he jus peaked ourom below he 100% acrylic blind-old and asked or hree shos

o Jameson, wo High Lies and a equila-soda—making sure osay please in he process.

“Wha he uck happened o his place?” Mikhail said, sillrubbing somehing like sleep ou o his eyes.

Ineviably, on nearly 70% o his Fridays in he ve years aerhe had urned 21, Mikhail sared his nigh wih a quick drink

alone a Low beore going on o mee his bes riends somewhereelse. I was a radiion. His ol’ sow-away was a quie place o drink a whiskey, sanding up, while shaking o he Brown BWN. Noone used o alk a Low; somber Elvis songs played on repea. He’dhen wander o ino he #720’s casino-inense pace under all hoselighs. I made or a smooher ransiion, aking a bi o he edgeo, jus by aking i one sep a a ime.

“I’s been more han a minue since you’ve decided o sop by he pary, oo much snuggling on he couch, waching movies andgeting ed righ,” Chevy said. “I’s good o have you back, a leasunil you change your mind on her again.”

“No sir, I’ve changed jus as much as his place. Is his sposill even called Low?”

“Te Inerne age is one ha sill spins ouside your cage, waer slides raining sage, I ge paid or days...”

Ta’s wha Chevy did, Chevy rhymed, and Mikhail’s poenialresponses whirled in his head:

25



(a) “I slay...yeah, Kay Slay...he Drama King, all day, and you

gay, like a dry oupee kissing a ho soufé...fame-ing! All hail Mikhail, your momma’s king!”(b) “I’s like, all he urniure is sill he same. Te V’s are

all ucked up”...and hey were. Cracked screens sill looped he barrage o bad news on mue, he color balance always swiched.Reds looked green, blacks looked blue. Te bar sools sill hadone leg oo shor and massive rips in heir vinyl cushions. As hey orever had, spider webs caked he slowly urning ceiling anslike he innards o a coton-candy machine... “I looks like he oldcrowd phased over o a dieren bar jus as hey were replaced.Te new crowd didn’ noice he swich eiher.”

(c) “You have no idea how many imes my phone has vibraedonigh, Kaya jus won’ leave me alone,” he could say...hen alk

abou his newly regimened independence and how good i el.(d) Awkwardly, he could ask Chevy “Wha’s up?”, while

handing ou drinks and hesiaing on wha o ip Sonic and herglowering nipples.


26



Mikhail vs. Robert Horry



the untold story of a one-sided feudby Skinny B / photography by Te Internet



(1) ESABLISHING FAVORIEShe day that Mikhail decided to fully commit to an NBA team—e had merely rooted for individual players before that day—theporting world was overwhelmed with Charles B arkley’s trade tohe Suns. Sir Charles was his favorite and Barkley’s new team wasght then and there forever to be Mikhail’s. He made that decisionnd knew it to be true in his heart, just two months before his rst

ay of sixth grade.

ortsIllustrated.com



(2) GENESIS OF A NEMESIS

Almost two years later, with the Sunsdefending their Western Conference

supremacy but still searching forBarkley’s rst ring, the Rocket’sRobert Horry hit a Game 7 winningshot from the top of the key at thebuzzer. It was Barkley’s last realisticchance at an NBA championship andMikhail had no choice but to hang up

on his eighth grade girlfriend. He was just too damn distraught to explainthe severity of the situation after athree hour conversation detailingthe severity of the situation.



(3) VALLEY OF HE SUN

In the following off-season,

the Suns traded Barkley tothe Rockets for Horry, SamCassell and a few assortedpieces. Mikhail cried into hisoversized Suns pillow, one hehad won at an East HollywoodCarnival by tossing a quarter

onto a 3”x3” piece of plastic.The trade felt like treason, buteven at 12-years-old, Mikhailcould see that his team wasdumping an aging veteran for youth and depth.



The Internet

has no visualproof of thisincident.

(4) OWEL MOVEMEN

Just before the trade deadline in Horry’s

rst season with the Suns, he got intoa disagreement with then-coach Danny Ainge. Not taking kindly to his benching(and subsequent reprimanding) by Ainge, Horry threw his sweaty towelat the coach’s face. In response to the6’10” forward’s mutiny, the Suns were

forced to trade him to the hated Lakersfor pennies on the dollar. The Suns laterwent on to miss the playoffs for the rsttime in 13 seasons.



(5) LA FAKERSA few seasons later—the Suns

nally moving past mediocrity and

back into the playoffs—Mikhail’steam matched up against Horry’sLos Angeles Lakers. A boastful andovercondent sophomore in highschool, Mikhail bet all $137 of hislife savings that the Suns would winthe series or cover the spread inindividual games. All of his friendswere Lakers fans...he had no choice.He lost it all once Horry’s Game 6winning jumper from the baselinesolidied the Lakers’ victory...andMikhail’s embarrassment. Jaysonhad one of those dollars framed ina $136 pewter shadow case.



(6) BIG SHO BOBThe following post-season, the Suns and Lakers were once agapitted against each other, this time in the rst round. What was heated contest the year before quickly became a laugher, as th#2 seed Lakers were clearly superior to the #7 Suns. A little oldeMikhail knew enough to keep his mouth and wallet shut. Howevethe sting was no less severe when Horry severed the Suns’ hea

in the series-clinching Game 5 by hitting an NBA-record 6 threepointers in the third quarter. Horry and the Lakers went on to wthe title, and Mikhail had to endure LA’s taunts every time he worhis Suns hat on the bus...for months on end.



The Internethas no visualproof of this

incident.

(7) LOOSE LIPSSINK SHIPS...

In Horry’s fourth and nal season withthe Lakers, there was no playoff battleagainst the Suns. Mikhail’s squaddidn’t qualify for the post-season. But,when Horry was asked about then-Suns coach Frank Johnson’s less-than-championship assessment of the

Lakers (as a pre-game guest), the manby-then dubbed “Big Shot Rob” said:“The Suns are a pussy organizationwithout a single male chromosome...why do I care what some bitch says?”



(8) A HOLE IN HE FUCKI Still in the Western Conference, Horry’s rst season with the Sppicked up right where his time in purple-and-gold left off: Eclipsthe Suns. With his new team, Horry eliminated Mikhail’s Suns ingames, hitting two game winning shots in the Spurs’ four victor

Mostly ineffective throughout the series—only averaging 9.7 poand 4.2 rebounds—the media put Horry on a pedestal and wondeout-loud about his Hall of Fame prospects. Solely because of thtwo heroic-woop-dee-fuckin’-doo buckets.



By far, the most egregiousdisruption of Mikhail’shappiness in effect by oneRobert Horry’s cause—up untilthis novel’s night in questionaboard the #720—occured the year that Big Hag Bob won hisseventh championship. Mikhailknew that his Suns were thebetter team and—all biasaside—there was no questionthat they were the team tocheer. A Suns victory was betterfor basketball...unfortunately,basketball wasn’t winning tostart the series.

The Suns ran their offensein Seven Seconds or Less...asystem that turned basketballinto ballet and defense into

something for squares. TheSpurs paired an exhaustingly-managed and thrill-lessoffense with a thuggish andbrutish defense. They snuck inuproarious cheap shots underthe guise of “wily veteran play,”

(9) CHEAP SHO ROB ROBS SUNS

regardless of which end ofthe court they were on, althe while receiving someof the worst NBA ratingsin the history of TV on The

Internet. It was beyond Stylevs Substance, it was Likeablevs. Unlikeable.

At the age of 22, Mikhaiwatched the pivotal Game 4in his purple Barkley jersey(from seventh grade) in a poo

surrounded by a bunch ofWestside Squares. Bountifubikinis and backward whitehats all around. The #34 ragonce hung large on his 83-pound frame, but nine yearsafter its purchase, the shitwas properly snug. A fewgirls commented on the “ilt.” Wearing sunglassesand watching the game on aatscreen under the articialights of a supposed summerMikhail was loud about hisSuns again.



After three hard-foughtbouts rife with skirmishesand technical fouls, the Sunstrailed two games to oneand by two points with 11.2seconds left in Game 4. SteveNash, Shawn Marion and Raja

Bell had the ball and all of themomentum and Mikhail knewthat this was his year. Evenwith Amar’e Stoudemire andBoris Diaw fouled out, Nashwas surely going to drain athree at the buzzer or create

some crazy shit and get thegame into overtime. After a time-out, Nas

took the inbound and broughtit up the sideline only toget hip-checked by Horryinto the scorer’s table. In an

infraction against everythingbeautiful about basketball,the agrant foul sucked thewind out of the Suns. Andbeyond the game, beyond thestill surmountable 3-1 decitthey faced, Mikhail’s squad



lost Stoudemire and Diaw tosuspension for a combinedthree games because they hadthe nerve to take two stepstowards their point guard afterhe was violently assaulted.

Not only was their pointguard a two-time MVP, but hedid it by getting his teammate’sthe ball where they couldscore, put up highlights, and

add a few extra million to theircontract demands. He foughthard and did good vibrationshit like dedicate an entireseason to Radiohead’s Kid A.Plus, his hair was long.

An NBA rule, designedto keep black folks in line forall the league’s white fans,prohibits players to leave thebench during an on-court

(1) Horry and iend inect an unborn child with negativeenergy (2) Afer hip-checking

Nash into the scorer’s table, Horry is restrained by a re, all



the end of Game 5, losing thseries at home two days later. didn’t matter because everyonknew the outcome and they atold Mikhail their shit-fucking

amazing prediction of a Spuwin for the rest of Mikhail’s 6hours in that musty, damp anincredibly purple jersey.

There was no excuse foHorry’s behavior...he would havto pay. He had to.

altercation. Amar’e and Borisnever touched a Spur, but thereplay clearly showed theircowboy boots on the oor. By thebook, they had to be suspended

at least one game. Amar’e wassuspended an additional gamewhen he told a reporter that therule was “bullshit.”

It didn’t matter that theSuns would put forth a spiritedrst half only to shrivel at

sel-important like he was the onewronged (3) Celebrating his 7thchampionship (4) Scoring on theSuns’ Stoudemire in Game 2



D. Mikhail absen-mindedly chose (d).Bu he old himsel ha such sumbling wasn’ all his

aul. Kaya called him he second ha Chevy sared o railo. Mikhail insincually paused o silence a phone ha noone could hear vibraing, simulaneously losing his beain he conversaion and rain o hough. Forunaely, all

awkwardness was orgoten and orgiven en roue o nding Jayson—who had posed up a one o he las empy sandingables—and simple small alk was okay enough.

“Welcome aboard, broher,” Jayson said, once Mikhailhad meandered on over.

“C’mon man, i hasn’ been ha long,” Mikhail said wiha hug hug, embracing and hiting his bes riend a he same

damn ime.“I I eel like I haven’ seen you ou in monhs, hen i

really has been ha long.”

CHAPTER THREE(( a feeting glimpse o cgi ))

28



I was embarrassing ha Jayson had been more social han Mikhail in he previous monhs. Tey all blamed i on Kaya...even as Jayson was supposed o be he homie wih he conrollinggirlriend. Her crazy was supposed o overshadow Kaya’s.Somehing mus’ve been o i Jayson sill hadn’ inroducedher o his wo closes riends. Tey didn’ even know her name;

Jayson reused o divulge i. He said ha hey’d jus make un o i, so everyone reerred o his old-lady as “wiey”...or, well, his“old lady.”

Bu such privacy didn’ keep Jayson rom lising all herailmens, which included verigo-induced eye bleeding anda oohed-vagina. Ta he was wih her hrough all ha didn’

seem all ha surprising once one me Jayson. He drunkenly swore abou he genuine love hey shared, and hrough all heireasing, Chevy and Mikhail mosly acceped i, albei a litle begrudgingly.

Everyone downed heir shos o Jameson wihou saying a word abou i.

“wo-hirds o us are now single,” Chevy said. “Isn’ i ime

we made his shi unanimous?”“Man, you guys know ha my old lady reas me righ. Why

do you always gota sar wih ha shi, man?”

29



Chevy had more un when everyone in he group walked wihhe poenial o ge laid. I made hem wonder i Chevy secrely

waned o cross swords in some sor o pos-#720 orgy.“I’s rue, broher, girls are beter han girlriends,” Mikhail

said. “Te riend-par jus means you ain’ geting laid.”“Oh wow, he ghos can speak,” Jayson said. “C’mon Casper,

his is your coming ou pary, i’s your job o say shi like ha.”“Mikhail go ha new pussy ingle. Don’ blame him, join

him...join us.”“A leas my old lady les me ou on Friday nighs—”“—I le Kaya’s comy couch or good his ime. You’re alone

on domesicaion island. We’re jus rying o hrow you a ra. Eveni you won’ ell us her name, you don’ draw he preties picure o he beas beyond your shores, deep in he ores.1 Yeah, we know, you’re happy, you just have to vent sometimes.”

“I’m no even complaining onigh,” Jayson scowled. “Youuckers brough i up.”

“Sop being a sain. I’mma ge some shawy o kiss my ainill she ain,” Chevy said. “Here’s some aherly advice, son, sick your brush in new pussy...and pain.”

Despie never missing a chance o brag abou his healhy

income a a nancial rm on he #111, Chevy sill ancied himsel as some sor o rapper or maybe a comedian whose dick-jokescame in rhyme orm. Mikhail and Jayson would play along—and


1 Mos o this Los Angeles’ ciizens accep he ac ha no world exiss ouside he one hey know inside he buses. Tey end o live vicariously hrough he images seen on Youube.



someimes his lyrics weren’ all ha bad—bu no one was pushinghim o qui his day job. Mosly, i jus passed he ime wihou

anyone having o say anyhing ha mean anyhing.“Screw sobriey’s resrain,” Mikhail said, lacking all o

Chevy’s enhusiasm. “I’m already pas beer a his poin. I’s a whiskey nigh.”

Chevy deniely go his pans a Nordsrom and noNordsrom’s Rack. He cued his ligh beige linen a ew inches

above his ankles. I worked wih sock-less hush puppies and a blue sriped v-neck shor-sleeve. Always a sep ahead o hecurve, Chevy was a dedicaed ollower o ashion. His sailor ou would surely ge him laid laer, bu in he meanime, he wore herisk o being called a ag wih every precious sep.

“How many imes has Kaya called you?” Jayson asked.“Are you rying o imply somehing abou my moivaions

by Brandn Perkins

o ge wised andsumble ino casual sex in a warm, girly bed?”

Chevy and Jaysoncoldly sared a Mikhail.

“Okay, a lo. She’sexed me even more.I haven’ looked a my phone since early on he

31



Brown BWN, bu i keeps ucking vibraing. I ry o ex back, bui’s never anyhing worh sending. Always busing my balls abou

no saying anyhing...bu wha he uck is here o say? Wha am Isupposed o conribue when she only wans o alk abou peopleI don’ know? And now i’s even worse—i’s all abou eelings hashe doesn’ wan o know. I lisened, she’s no even rying o hear.”

“Doesn’ ha sound horrible? Feelings?” Chevy asked, ipping Jayson’s ha o. Beore Jayson could realiae, Chevy caugh a ackle

rom a orce unseen. Wih empy arms, he picked up a mass o airand wirled i around a ew imes. A squeal eeked ou rom hedephs o vapid spins. He delicaely dropped he mess o air back


32



by Brandn Perkins

ono he oor, never leting his glutonous smile disappear romhe direcion o empy. As invisible as he day she was born, CGI

was now par o heir nigh.“So ge his boys, odd and George and mysel are siting

a he karaoke bar, he very one jus behind us his very insan,and who knows wha his puz is rying o sing, bu he’s singingi poorly. Tis is las weekend. odd is wearing a sui by Lubian,a grea-looking sriped spread-collar shir rom Burberry, a

silk ie by Resikeio and a bel rom Ralph Lauren. George is wearing a six-buton double-breased sui by Chrisian Dior, acoton shir, a paterened silk ie by Clairborne, peroraed cap-oe leaher lace-ups by Allen-Edmunds, a coton handkerchie in his pocke, probably rom Brooks Brohers; sunglasses by Laon Paris lie on a napkin by his drink and a airly nice atachécase rom . Anhony ress on an empy chair by our able. I’m wearing a vinage Yves Sain Lauren number ha my sylisound a Inerne-knows-where and my paened paen-leaher Manolo Blahniks—no he ones I’m wearing now. Ta numbers my hips beter han you could ever believe. Te whole hingreally made sense. While i’s no he Imiaion o Chris weddingdress conversion you wish you were seeing onigh, i was enirely

sensible. Sill, odd’s Ralph Lauren bel el a litle cheap.”No one knew ha mos o her monologue quoed American

Psycho verbaim, bu i wouldn’ have matered i anyone had.Despie he ac ha no one could acually see her—and in ac,

33



no one had ever seen a single glimpse oher, no even her parens, in all her 2 years—everyone knew ha she looke paricularly good in her Imiaion Chris conversion wedding dress.

Mikhail was so concerned wiguring ou where exacly CGI wasanding, where exacly her long, lon

sory was coming rom, ha he didnnoice Chevy’s swi exi or reurnBeore Mikhail could discern her exaclocaion, Chevy passed ou our shoaround he newly expanded circleCGI’s iny glass o Irish whiskey oae

more eerily han he boys’, bu hedisappeared a ew seconds laer. All hglasses go drank jus he same.

“Did odd even ge i?” Chevasked, reaching ou like he was lookinor her elbow. Te simple movemen was wholly awkward, like an old ma blindly searching or a ligh swich ohe wrong wall. When he smiled bigge Mikhail knew ha Chevy had ound i


34



by Brandn Perkins

“odd didn’ ge a single hing he enire nigh,” CGI said,he words jus appearing rom he ain nohingness o air. Her

bubbling noise ound is way rom jus below ear level o echoaround and around unil an acual originaing place jus seemedimplausible. “He was marching alongside he Bolivian army allnigh.”

“Ta’s jus like old odd,” Chevy said. And even Jayson raisedan eyebrow a he brown-nosing bichery ha heir normally

cool and colleced riend was spraying in CGI’s direcion.“Bucky done gun, I’m o o mee Maya now,” she said, perhaps smiling. “Are you going o he Weezy shindig a HD?”

“We’ll be here,” Mikhail said, wih no idea on how. He jus waned o say somehing beore Chevy urher embarrassedhimsel.

“ell Maya we said whatup ,” Chevy said, making a Jamie-

Kennedy-b-boy pose. Tere was nohing Mikhail could door a man inen on killing himsel. Jayson shook his headdisapprovingly, no able o hide his shock; i had always beenhis role o embarrass himsel in ron o girls. “I’ll see you laer,righ?”

She didn’ answer him. Te pause was cumbersome.

“Bye guys!” she suddenly perked up, as i here was an aciono ollow.

Was she waving a hem? Coming in or a hug? Trowing upgooy gang signs? Tere was no way o ell. Mikhail haphazardly

35



hrew ou his palm, hoping or a hilarious-enough high-ve. Hedidn’ really know CGI. Someone or oher had inroduced hemover a dozen imes hroughou he years, bu Mikhail sill wasn’sure ha she remembered his name. Tey had never shared asingle conversaion worh a damn...so a high-ve seemed morehan appropriae.

Insead, a wa o wind nesled agains his ches and squeezedaround his mid-secion. CGI was shorer han expeced—she

sounded much aller—and Mikhail hough i only polie o reurnher embrace. Raher han poenially smoher her head in hisarmpis, he non-chalanly draped his arms around he small o her back. enaively clinging o a wais o he peie-es proporions,he delicae silk rom CGI’s Imiaion o Chris wedding dressconversion migh’ve been he mos sensuous abric Mikhail had

ever ouched. I was only surpassed by a iny pach o skin ha his pinkie grazed or a ew seconds hrough a gap in her garmen. He wondered i anyhing would ever eel ha so again.

“I’ll see you laer,” she whispered ino his ches.She quickly moved on o Jayson and appeared o give him

a similar hug. Chevy was pracically paning wih anicipaion,once again reaching ou wih his hand in a poor atemp o nd he

righ swich. He go his hug and hen CGI wandered o. Maybe.Perhaps she jus ook a sep back and hovered around he poenialconversaion ha’d wafe on abou her. However, Mikhail and hisriends were a litle oo seasoned o all vicim o such a rap. (She


36



by Brandn Perkins

was probably he mos popular person on he #720, able o yuk i up wih Low’s regulars and alk down wih HD’s debonaires.

However, no one rused her because she could never be seen,always hidden unil she waned o be ound.) For nearly 10minues, he rio discussed nohing—baskeball scores and hespecics o Jayson’s work on he #4 and oher hings ha would bore any girl o ears—and nohing more.

Mikhail ook he ree ime o bie he bulle and check his phone. He really hoped ha no one could see he uckery displayed—17 missed calls and 22 unread ex messages—andhe quickly ucked he screen agains his high. Where couldhe possibly even begin? A random, he seleced Kaya’s mosrecen horn-covered olive branch, and slyly lied his phone’sace so ha only he could see i...even i CGI was hovering hreeinches behind him.

He knew ha Kaya wasgoing o have a hard imeacceping he break-up, bu i had been an enire week and he wasreally hoping ha she was pashe drowning sage o sorrow. I i was jus one ex message, inseado dozens, Mikhail migh’ve elsomehing similar o sorrow. Tesecond and las chaper o heir




relaionship had lased jus over a year, bu hings moved quickly in Te Inerne. Tis break-up was or real. She jus couldn’ makehim happy in a orever-ype o way—no ha he ever old her hain so many words. He old her ha he was losing himsel in every relaionship, no jus he romanic one. He said ha i jus wasn’ working ou. She slapped him and hen buckled under her own weigh, collapsing on his lap. I was hen he realized ha he neverloved her; no when his main concern was he running mascaraha bled ono a brand new pair o jeans. He le her aparmen

beore she el he conversaion was nished and ha was helas ime he saw her, ignoring every one o her many atempso coninue alking abou i. Mikhail scrolled o her sevenh andeighh mos recen messages.



by Brandn Perkins

Wih Kaya oaing around somewhere on he #720, Mikhail really needed his wingmen o be on heir A-Game. Hemade sure ha his phone was on vibrae and quiely ucked iino his pocke wihou responding o Kaya’s ex messages.He hough abou rying, bu he jus couldn’ hink o anyhingha wouldn’ ail. Mikhail would jus have o look over hisshoulder all nigh. Te #720 was a big place, maybe he’d ndae on his side.

He once old her ha he began his nighs a Low, and even i he place had changed, her marvelous memory hadn’. Te bes way o ge caugh was o say in he same place, especially sucha amiliar one. He moioned o Chevy and Jayson somehingabou a cigarete...Kaya wouldn’ wai in he smoking lounge allnigh wihou making sure ha such a meeing was se in sone.

Mikhail and riends would jus have o keep he nigh moving.

39



Te rs ime Mikhail broke up wih Kaya was only a ew weeks aer hey had begun o see each oher, barelyenough ime o be considered an ocial couple in he rs place. I was beore he’d go back o her or a much longer and inense session, a second ime around. Beore he wasbacked ino any sor o corner, when hings sill el eeor, a he very leas, wihou dire consequences. I was

beore she began demanding changes in his lie. Beorehe realized how deep in i he acually was. A ha earlysage o heir rs dance-less dosey-doh, Kaya seemed good or him.

He waned a posiive inuence over his negaivechoices. I seemed like growing up was somehing he

was supposed o do, and growing up mean having a girliend who’d ell him all he hings ha he was doing wrong, even i i jus echoed his own common sense. Hehough ha he waned someone o push him o qui

CHAPTER FOUR(( petyon manning’s fuckface ))

42




smoking and he knew ha she’d push ill her arms ell o. He also hough he waned someone who needed he ype o

guidance ha would help beter his own pah. He hough he waned o learn how o love someone because ha’s wha aduls did. Aduls made he concessions and sacrices or he success o a relaionship and ha would make Mikhail abeter person. A leas healhier.

Bu one weekend, a he end o ha rs go-around,

Mikhail was genuinely ill. He had a horrible u ha madehis bones ache. I sen horrendous chills hrough sore musclesand his hrobbing nervous sysem. When hey subsided, aravenous ever dicaed hallucinaions o re-soaked raschewing on his burning ee in he angled mess o a heavycomorer. Te swea was sickening once he chills reurned.

He needed o say in bed, bu Kaya needed o go ou. Shewas consumed wih a requiremen om wihin o nd worldly

by Brandn Perkins



advenures and she desperaely

waned Mikhail o join her. Even as pary ime came aroundand Mikhail sared o eel a bi o relie om he virus’s vicioushold, he hough i’d be wise osay in bed, since he could sill barely sand. He didn’ wan orisk he eecs o exerion bu shecouldn’ wai anoher minue.

Forever he aurus, Kayabulled ino he evening by hersel.

She had no plans o mee her iends or even much o a desireo make new ones. Perhaps i was pride ha propelled her ou and abou, wihou her already-beloved Mikhail, or maybe i

was an unconsciously deviouseor o show how much shereally needed him.


44



by Brandn Perkins

She began a Mid—a raher upscale bar on he #720—

by drinking Smirno and cranberry juice wih a wis o lime. Tere was a able in he corner wih only a singlechair and ha’s where she se up shop. I allowed her ohear he DJ wihou he inrusion o some sranger rying osi nex o her. I was he nigh’s special gues, DJ Original Bozak , an alum o her iny high school message board, ha

made Kaya’s nigh ou one o necessary evil. She orderedwo drinks a a ime, a rs o make i seem like she waswaiing or someone, bu i quickly urned ino an excuse oinerac wih he wairess less. (Fuck ha wairess and her skinny highs, Kaya laughed o hersel.) And even sooner,i became an opporuniy o drink more wih more hase.

Beore Original Bozak even go on he decks, Kayahad already doubled he amoun o Smirno in her double-orders o booze. Men came up o her and ried o beginconversaions. She was cur wih hem, cold o he poin o rudeness—a leas or awhile. When Bozak hi he urnableshough, her whole demeanor changed. Her venure ino henighlie became less abou being independen and moreabou sicking i o Mikhail.

45



Kaya kicked her chair o he wall and sared dancing in place. Bozak’s songs were her songs and she embracedevery noe o heir nosalgia, even i many o he memorieswere brand new. Ain’ no hal seppin’, you gota do i good, like you know you should. I Mikhail couldn’ behere or her, hen wha good was he? He was sick because

he smoked and because he was sick, he couldn’ be here or her. When she really needed him. Te nigh’s soundrack el righ, compelling her o dance like some sor o inecion,unil she suddenly knew every word, even o he songs shehad never heard beore. “ Say capain, say wha! ” she soonsared shouing alongside Bozak’s selecions. Kaya’s

dance moves, as hey always were, ended o be moreaggressive han seducive. Bu dance she did and becausea prety girl can’ dance alone in such a seting or oo long, Kaya’s suiors began o show up in hordes.

A man in a whie -shir asked wha she was drinking,and while he didn’ ge he joke abou asking her invisible

iend, he quickly brough back a pair o Paron shos.Te high class sho choice was o show ha his wardrobechoices weren’ made ou o economic necessiy, bu or


46



ashionable choice. Kaya nished he remainder o her sixh Smirno, in isel nearly hree shos, beore raising he newly-gied equila. “o everyhing we ever waned

o do,” she said. Aer which she old he dude o uck o because she already had a man.

Te equila did somehing erce o Kaya andeven as Bozak played her avorie song abou oruring insecs, she couldn’ say a Mid or a minue more. She picked up her purse and sumbled o he door, regaining

a ouch o composure once she enered he #720’s grea expanse. Tere was $120 in her pocke and Te Spors Bar seemed like he place o spend i.

d O w n l O A d

A T :

P e a s e U s e

R e a r E x i t. e

t/

b o u s

47



Muscle memory led her here, as her squining eyes andspinning sense o direcion surely would’ve ailed. Te place waseerily empy and she grabbed a sea righ a he bar, righ in hemiddle. Kaya placed her our remaining $30 bills in a row andsared inenly a heir line o possibiliies beore dividing hemino wo simple piles. “Tis is or booze and his is or bes,” shesaid o he barender. “Wha’s your whiskey recommendaionand wha games are sill open?”

Aer he was old o sick his dick in a ligh socke or suggesing coee, Kaya was handed a Jameson-rocks and a scoreshee. Every game was redaced excep one: Parios vs. Cols. Te


48



Pas’ linebacker played or her alma maer (and Bozak’s) and

she pu ha $60 on he visiing eam wih a sense o childhoodsolidariy. Beore hal ime, she had already opened up a abon her credi card, having run hrough her alloted cash. Bu he Pas were winning and she exuberanly exed Mikhail ha all was good...ha she hoped he was eeling beter.

Ten came he Cols. Inercepions led o good eld posiionand missed ackles led o ouchdowns. She quickly becameworried abou he money she had spen and sared ordering shos o well whiskey. Aer a hree-and-ou possession urnedino a pun reurn or a score, Kaya ordered our shos, bu orgo o close ou her ab, as she inended. Insead, she sared

o cry.Mikhail was waching he same game, wrapped in

by Brandn Perkins

49

sweas and blankes, ghing nicoine wihdrawal along wih hissympoms, when his phone rang. He could hear he commoion o

he #720 in beween violen earsand he snifing o sno, bu hecouldn’ make ou a word Kaya



was atemping o say. Tere was a wresling o he phone and

a new voice came hrough Mikhail’s end.“Hey man, his is Ian,” he said, Ian being Kaya’s ex-

boyiend. “I hink you should come down here. I’s kind o ugly.”

By he ime Mikhail made i o Te Spors Bar—aer waiing 25 minues or he Brown BWN and hen nearly

passing ou wice while onboard—Kaya’s sobbing wasunconrollable. Neighboring parons worried ha her dryheaves would urn we a heir ee. A he rae she was going,some joked ha a lung or a ear duc migh come up once all ha booze did. Mikhail didn’ know wha o do. Becauseshe was in no shape or anyhing oher han collapse—no even signing her own name—he paid her obscene ab in cashand rerieved her card. He carried her ou o Te Spors Bar,




by Brandn Perkins

51

sopping only o hold back her hair as she vomied ino one o

he #720’s municipal garden plos.“I hae Peyon Manning’s uckace. He doesn’ deserve

i,” she said, beween upheavals. Even as Mikhail was on he BWN or he end o wha many would call a “classic game,” he had caugh Peyon’s game-winning ouchdown oss on hereplay once inside Te Spors Bar. “He walks around wih ha

ucking ace. I’s he same uck ace, wheher he wins or loses, jus a varying shade o gay, I mean gray, no, I mean gay.”

“I’s OK, squeazle, bad hings happen in spors and ha’swhy we wach and ha’s wha makes gambling un, even whenwe lose,” Mikhail said. “Tere’s hrill in he risk, bu no riskwihou he possibiliy o ailure.”

Even as he ough he shivers, Mikhail was calm and rying o be calming. Her spos o vomiing required everyhing in himo keep om joining her. He jus rubbed her back and ried okeep his inhaling in he oher direcion. “As shity as i soundsnow, here’s always nex year.”

“I don’ care abou nex year. I don’ care abou ooball. I care abou geting my $60 back. Why can’ you be a goodboyiend or once and ge i back or me?”




52

I was he rs ime ha Kaya had reerred o Mikhail

as a boyiend and i nearly made him drop her. Never mindhe inerence ha he was bad a he job. He carried on andknew ha such a job-ile was o be no more (no knowing he’dregain i wo monhs laer). Sep by increasingly heavy sep,she passed deeper ino drunken oblivion and he el sicker and sicker. Mikhail el he weigh o her drooping body on

his aching shins. I such an eor wasn’ good enough, herewas no way he could ever be good. Tey go o he #720/ Brown BWN ranser and ha rs bench was somehing o a miracle. And so hey waied, as she dried ino sleep andhe hough o civil ways o break hings o.

Te bus evenually came. En roue, Mikhail ried o wake Kaya up wih absrac conversaion, bu i didn’ work, andaer he single sop o her Litle Recangle neighborhood, hehad o carry her home. And he had o wai unil she soberedup he nex day, so she could remember his decision o endi or he rs ime.



Te boys walked silenly hrough he bar’s heavy plaser doorsand Mikhail braced himsel or his rs encouner wih he

#720’s main erminal in several monhs. urning he corner pas Low was always Mikhail’s cue o urn his charms up. Te pary was around ha corner. Each sep had he poenial orconversaion. Te ligh was harsher here. Bars and clubs, bigand small, would clamor or his atenion rom boh sides o he corridor. In heir a-screen-sized windows, blinding neonsigns adverised anyhing a man could wan, unless he wanedo see inside he club; ha par o he screen was ined. Alonghe pah a slew o reesanding and roaing adverisemens,mis-planned garden plos, ake plasic rees, and oher such“ciy betermens” would sand in his way or disrac him rom whaever goal was a hand a ha momen. And he ceiling wouldloom over everyhing. I was all amiliar o Mikhail, bu i was

sill somehing ha he had o menally prepare himsel or.On his nigh, rac was saring o pile up. I wasn’ quie

ches-o-back, bu i wasn’ a walk in Square Park eiher. I didn’help ha anoher load o Brown BWN’ers piled hrough he

CHAPTER FIVE(( avoiding katya ))

54




Suck in rac, Chevy acually ook a momen o hink abou wha Mikhail had asked, hen uriously shook his head like he wasrying o sober himsel up. His pupils migh’ve rescinded some o

heir dilaion.“Someimes, I jus eel like I could marry ha girl,” Chevy

said. Arms a his side, he had obviously regained a small porion o his cool. Some o he airiness had le his voice. “More han jus a whirl,” he said, “I wan o wirl her world, ickle her like a woman,make her giggle like a girl.”

I was somehing o an eclipse o come ou o Low’s as ha paro he #720 snaked around is mos noorious corner. On pace wiheveryone’s shufes, he corridor slowly opened up ino a cavernousconusion o blinking lighs and disracions. Mikhail looked ou


POINTS OFINTEREST

(a) Low

(b) Cinespace

(c) Nothing

(d) The Smoke

(e) Avalon

(f) Bob’s

(g) Ben’s

#720: Partial Map(you are here)

(a)

(b)

(c)

(d)

(e)

(f)

(g)

56



ono he holographic ames ha sood aop plasic poles madeo look wooden. Teir luminescence reeced harshly over adisance oo cold or acual re, everyhing was easily drownedou by rows and rows o orescens hanging 100 ee above hishead. Te #720’s silver ceiling curved dely ino is own shadows,disappearing ino is own corners, laughing rom on high a hescurry o people below.

“Please sop alking abou her, please? We expec so much

more rom you. You’re ha dude we all look up obecauseo yourgame, no despie i. Righ now, I don’ even know who you are,” Mikhail said. “Seriously hough, can you guys do me a solid?”

“I reuse o blow you,” Chevy said. “I don’ care i you sneeze,I won’ bless you. No ach-choo!”

“How abou you jus keep an eye ou or Kaya or me?”

Mikhail asked. “And I’ll punch you in he gu every ime you ac aool in ron o wha’s her name. Jus wach ou or me, aigh?”“Like she’s some hirsy vampire rying o reire?”“Or he alpha emale o a hungry pack o squids, man?”“I’m jus no ready o deal wih i ye,” Mikhail said. “I’s

always such an ordeal wih her. I i could jus be some normalshi, I don’ hink I’d be avoiding her so poinedly.”

“Are we supposed o proec you like some bodyguards?I’m no going o lie like a ra in a can, I’m no rying o body upanoher man, never mind bie some bich’s bulle in he line o duy, no even or a hundred grand.”

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“I did.”“And now you’re walking around wih some shi-covered

goose o Kaya’s?”“I am, bu, I mean, I jus broke up wih he girl. Ta’s i.”And i was rue, people ended relaionships everyday.

Nearly all o hem lived o ell anoher ale...and ag anoherail. Mikhail broke up wih a girl, ha’s i. I was he lie o a 20-somehing in Los Angeles. He really had no guil o bear, oherhan he ypical hearbreak shi, because he always reaed her

righ. He dumped her he prior week, he second and nal ime,only because he didn’ have he balls o sar all he drama womonhs beore. Breaking up mean a hassle ha he wasn’ surehe could handle, so he procrasinaed. I was easier o coasin unhindered unhappiness hen i was o ip a swich or allhose ears and curses and hared and sobbing declaraions

o unrequied love. Once he realized ha he was making upexcuses o avoid sex jus so he could go home and masurbae, Mikhail sopped procasurbaing. ired o shiting, he go o he po.

“Really hough, man,” Jayson said, obviously concerned,“wha do you need rom us?”

“Jus don’ le me ge bum-rushed or blind-sided,” Mikhailsaid. “Even a minue head’s up will help me prepare, bu,seriously, i you can say ha you haven’ seen me, ha’ll be orhe bes.”

“We go you, man.”

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Jayson was always reliable ha way, as a riend and wih his overuse

o “man” as a pronoun. Mikhailaspired or Jayson’s unappableloyaly ye loahed his riend’s vague non-commimen, one heoccasionally saw in himsel. Sludgy in dress and pudgy in sance, Jayson

was he polar opposie o Chevy. He was so-spoken and hard o hearing, while Chevy was loud wih uncannily acue ears. Jayson never said a wordin he presence o srangers, whileChevy carried conversaions. One-on-one, when words surpassed he

need or clever witicisms, Jayson was an asue lisener armed wihgenuine advice, while Chevy sho wink-worhy blanks. o he pary,Chevy brough un, Jayson brougha buried realiy. Tey boh exercised

specic qualiies in Mikhail ha he was convinced he couldn’ nd onhis own. Chevy made him a player; Jayson made him a human.


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“She does know ha you guys broke up, righ?” Chevy asked.

He led he pah o Te Smoke, bu Jayson kep looking back a Mikhail. Chevy hi pounds and slapped palms in mid-sride, never sopping o poliic o any o he many ha he knew by name. Jayson and Mikhail would’ve coninued on even i hehad. Tis ime, his mission was aligned wih heirs. A he very leas, Chevy’s broad shoulders and unconcerned procession

opened up easier pahs...he had no problem breaking righhrough dedicaed conversaions. Te ineviable sep back hahe alking obsacles would ake made Mikhail and Jayson’sjourney more accessible.

“I may ake awhile o make my decision, bu once I do i, Ido i. She cried all over my jeans—uckin’ make-up everywhere.

I was a mess. She has o know. She has o.”“Ha!” Chevy blured ou.“Wha he uck’s ha all abou? Was i a joke odd old you

las weekend?”“You jus know how o dance around conronaion, ha’s

all. Jus enough o leave doors cracked open,” Chevy replied,compleely skipping over wha he didn’ wan o hear. “I’s

like you’re rying o do shawy a avor by sparing her eelings.Someimes you gota be an asshole, dunny, and I ain’ jus being unny.”

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“She knows. I know. And I deniely know ha here’s

no need o coninue a conversaion ha’s already concluded. Why are we sill alking abou his? We’re sill walking wih a purpose, righ?”

“Smoke he cancer sick, be. Wih hopes o geting my dick we.”

And wih ha lyrical manra rhyming in heir heads, he boys walked he remaining ve minues o Te Smoke. A isenrance, a surprisingly large woman blocked wo glaring panes o glass ha marked he rs hal o a se o double-doors. Te woman sood even aller han Chevy, who made ahealhy habi o alking abou his above-average saure. Sheiled her ngers le and righ a ew imes as hey ried o walk by. I was a litle melodramaic.

“Le’s see some idenicaion, boys.”“C’mon, Shirley, wha are you doing working on a Friday?”

Chevy inerruped. “Te man’s keeping you down...and don’he know ha ha’s this man’s job?”

Shirley blushed. Jayson and Mikhail saw ha Chevy’smojo had compleely reurned. I he kep up his iraions

wih Shirley, hey migh be able o skae on he $30 ee.“Wha ime you ge ou? Maybe you should come by MySpace and witer my Yahoo! unil I Google all over yourFacebook...my litle squeazle.”


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Maybe i was because Chevy wore a wach worh hersalary on his wris, bu his sring o double-enendres worked,non-sensical as hey were. Shirley punched Chevy in he arm.Hard. Ten she samped he inside o his righ wris, along wih Mikhail’s and Jayson’s. Free o charge.

Pas Shirley, in beween he wo doorways—enranced inhe enrance’s purgaory—Mikhail ran o he ron and pu hishand ino he ches o Chevy, who was immediaely crashedino by Jayson. Te hree o hem comically piled up inside heglass passageway’s clausrophobic clown car inerior.

“Squeazle?” Mikhail said, annoyed a Chevy’s very

paricular use o his pe name or Kaya. “She migh be here,seriously. Le’s no cause a scene, please.”

“Your squeazle doesn’ smoke,” Jayson said, happy o gein on he game.

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“Ha! Her desperaion reeks like obacco on a non-smoker,”

Chevy said.“I she’s here, she’s probably over on he le. Tere’ll be plenyo shawies over on he righ.”

“Wasn’ he rs ime you rodens kissed over here on he le?”“Are you really asking o be he rs person in my enire lie ha

I have o punch in he ace?” Mikhail said, sill only a ew inches romhis wo riends. O course, he’d never wase his rs punch on Chevy—

ha honor was reserved or Rober Horry.Chevy and Jayson setled down and non-chalanly showed ha

hey undersood Mikhail’s predicamen. Tey passed hrough hesecond se o doors and were immediaely smacked in he ace by acloud o cigarete smoke. I burned heir nosrils and pu predicable pause on heir decision o ligh one up a all. Te room was long

and narrow, bu wih more space o maneuver han he line’s mainerminal. As a rule, mos smokers held ou on heir rs cigarete aslong as hey could (as hey did or Te Resroom). Mikhail quicklysough ou a piece o railing on he righ side, ar in he corner. Direclyunder a se o ood lighs, he el raher invisible and conen wih aclear view across mos o Te Smoke. Wih his back wedged ino herailing’s verex o a vorex, he was convinced ha no one could sneakup behind him. And hey cerainly couldn’ ge hrough he yards oseel and ianium suppors and everyhing else ha separaed he#720’s inside rom Te Inerne ouside.


64



by Brandn Perkins

65

Nex o hem, riples in varying shades o purple sippedgreen ea and moaned loudly abou he need or breeze. Tey

rapidly anned hemselves wih someone’s iPad. Teir uniormly sraigh black hair hardly moved. Tey alked amongs hemselves,lighing cigaretes while heir already-li smokes sa in Lucieashrays, quickly orgoten. Te ambers o wounded-soldiers-le-unaccouned-or kep burning, even as hey brough woodenmaches o a chronic assembly line o virgin sogies. Tey seemedo only recognize he blunder when moving o pu he blackenedmaches in he ashray. Saring down a he plumes o risingsmoke rom all hose cigaretes sill burning, he riples laughedaggressively. Wheher i was simply a plunder o epic FAIL orhey jus liked o laugh—an inside joke sprung rom he same placena—Mikhail would never know. Bu i did provide isopporuniies, and Mikhail yanked away a barely-smoked cigarete

rom he riples’ ashray.“Hey!”“We were—”“—smoking hose!”Te inhale o obacco was glorious o Mikhail’s insides, even

as i mos-likely killed him, bi by bi. Te man said i rarely did

and he had never known anyone o die rom cigaretes, bu here was somehing darkening abou i. He could eel is pah ge pulledacross his core inch by inch, wih more oaliy han he secondhand variey o he clouded room. Tere was somehing warming abou



he individualiy o his dragon breah, even in a room ull o people eeling jus as unique. Te hickness o posuring washeavier han he enirey o he room’s exhalaions.

“Oh, shu your yappers,” Jayson awkwardly said, a bea oomany aer he ineracion. “You couldn’ smoke all he onessill burning i you used all nine o your holes. Besides, youlook like you can uckin’ aord—”

“—o give my good riend a lesson in graciousness,” Chevy

sepped in, probably a litle oo lae or even him o recover any chance wih he riples. “He’s an asshole. Have a good nigh.”

Unil Jayson go drunk, he was incredibly rude o poenialemale accompanimen. And orge abou he insances wherehe raio o boys and girls was even. Jayson reused o ake oneor he eam i i’d pu him in he precarious posiion o being

he hird man alone wih he hird woman.He grabbed wo cigaretes, dramaically sucking downone, while placing he oher behind his ear. Chevy grabbedone rom his own pack and jerked Jayson away beore he couldsay anyhing else. Te girls shufed away oo.

“Ta cock is consipaed and i’s making youcanankerous,” Chevy said.

“Yeah, you gota ge laid...or a leas ge some kind o arelease.”

“Man, you guys have been busing my balls since we meup,” Jayson said, his ime wih more sadness han madness


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in his voice. Ten Mikhail’s ringer wen o. Wih no idea how i was urned on, he was visibly sarled while rushing o silence his phone. Jayson sared laughing. “A leas my girlriend leaves mealone or a nigh. Lulz.”

“Bu he’s go a beter chance o ucking his squeazle, han youhave o empying your weasel or paring he wo legs o an easel.Bu shi, you’re righ, Mikhail deniely sill has a squeazle.”

“Wow. Jus wow. So lazy you’re rhyming he same word wice

now? I keep ignoring her, she has o ge he poin evenually.”“Well, here’s your problem,” said a man in he calmes o

demeanors. He’d been eavesdropping bu Mikhail wasn’ oooended, being guily o he same aux-pas, leaning agains hesame railing...many, many imes. Space was igh and voices carried.“Women o a cerain accord need o be broken up wih a leas

wice. Once = spurned, wice = earned. I’s all elemenary mah, bu i helps in deciphering he ladies o he nigh and he ladies you wan your parens o mee. Only one o hose ypes deserve ourroubles, and i’s no he one caching a acial in he men’s room.”

He wore a red polo rom Polo ucked ino a leaher-beled pair o pleaed khakis. His hubris gave him away, even i his kindaamiliar baby-ace didn’ exacly he ypical mold. Tis man wasa member o he SABDD. Mikhail waied or him o reach ino his pocke and pull ou a card.

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“Whaever, I gota ake a leak,” Mikhail said, humbing he cardas he placed i in his back pocke, righ nex o he violenly blinking

red ligh on his cell phone. He wasn’ done wih his second cigarete, bu was willing o do anyhing ha’d leave his conversaion abouKaya behind. Samping ou his Camel hal-smoked, he led he procession owards Te Smoke’s exi.

C hec k o u t c ha p te r

s i x, on l y a t...

p lease use rea re x i t.n e t

by Brandn Perkins



A litle relucanly, Mikhail decided o break his seal. Heknew i’d be a long nigh o resroom excursions he second

he did, bu here was no reason o delay he ineviable. Tere was a scale in which he raed all he paralyzing momens when piss so consumed him ha his eeh swam, bu hisone barely made he op 100. He was hankul ha i didn’

because even as early in he nigh as i was, here was a healhy line waiing or he #720’s sickly men’s room. Sans Jayson

and Chevy—who were sill oo proud o pee—he wai gavehim oo much ime o look a he dilapidaed exisence hasurrounded him.

Small paterns o iny iles wirled upwards in swi paterns o swirls, bu a one poin in ime, hey were a primeexample o human crasmanship. No mater hough, as he

once-immaculae iles were barely visible beneah a vilelayer o lh. ag marks were scraped by pens or ngernailsino he quarer-inch o sheer disgusingness. Mikhail wassick o his somach a he hough o someone digging heirngers hrough he collecion o airborne urine and mildew.

CHAPTER SIX(( mr. sallow’s hallowed ground ))

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He migh’ve hrown up in his mouh, jus a litle bi, a adeposi o gunk rapped under he hard dorsal surace o a digi, bu he sopped himsel beore his imaginaion gohere. He jus sared a he muck’s deph and wondered i i

was growing beore his eyes. And wherever ha smell wascoming rom, i wasn’ worh mumbling abou, or ear o having o breahe i in any urher.

Mikhail peered around he line and saw a slew o empy recepacles. Te available opions were evidenly oo closeo oher players’ propery or he long line’s comor. Tey

were waiing or a one-urinal buer on eiher side, anda such a rae, ha line was never going o move. Mikhail

bypassed he homophobes and wen sraigh o an empy

pisser, righ nex o his old riend. Sraddling he ar john,jus as he always did, Mr. Sallow hummed and urinaed.

“Mikhail, my man in mayhem, how’s he ouside worldicking away?”

“You know ull wellhere ain’ an ouside

world,” Mikhail said. Juso his righ, opposie Mr.Sallow, a man sood angrily

wih a blond-dyed goaeeand peroraed leaher



jacke. Mikhail was careul no o look oo hard and inseadurned back owards Mr. Sallow. “You’re he only hingsanding sill in his enire Inerne-orsaken ciy.”

And i was rue, Mr. Sallow never moved. I wasunconrmed how long he’d been sanding a he ar john inhe #720’s municipal men’s room, orever relieving himsel,

bu i sared well beore he imes o anyone ha Mikhailacually knew. Legend held ha hey had o build he enire

bus sysem around his urinaing sance, bu ha seemed o be a srech. However, one hing was or cerain: Mr. Sallow

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was as unmovable and unailingly owing as a sone-coldounain ever could be.

“Te whole hing jus moves oo quick or my memory,” Mr. Sallow said, as healhy as he always was in his sream.“Bu as long as he inormaion ows, we’re bound o ‘Ne ash or wo, or so he saying goes.”

“You’d know wha his whole hing is supposed omean beter han I would,” Mikhail said, nally nding hemomenum o le go o he very burden ha brough him ohe bahroom in he rs place.

“I don’ know squa-diddly-cum-quickly...oher han wha I do and don’ doo-doo.”

Mr. Sallow didn’ like anyone else o address his enure,

bu he himsel oen made sel-deprecaing jokes abou his permanen xure. Mikhail’s bladder bloter was long, andsince he’d come o age o join he drunken escapades o he#720, he’d probably spen hours and hours pissing alongside

Mr. Sallow. Separaed by he ew inches beween machingone-gallon-per-ush American Sandards, as hey sood on

his nigh, he wo men had grown close. Mr. Sallow’s advice was as reliable as his micuriion.“You ever wonder where all his shi—”“—and piss goes?” Mr. Sallow inerruped.

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“Yeah,” Mikhail said. “Are we jus leaving a rail o excremen in Te Inerne as we go? Marking our erriory on racks already laid ou?”

“And we wonder why he squids are coming hroughhe walls,” Mr. Sallow said, only kind o laughing.

Mikhail sared a he sharpied grafi sprawl saring back a him. Mosly names and years, he wriing was

speckled wih sno and buried under he lh, ghingrazor and ngernail carvings. Despie heir bes eors,he vandals’ senences ell incomplee over missing iles.One ambiious bahroom poe had scribed a mahemaicalormula ha allegedly had somehing o do wih getinglaid. Te variables were marked “S”, “E”, and “X”, bu he

equaion hardly looked balanced. I was he signaure o some drunken ool who couldn’ aord he sar-up ee ojoin he SABDD.

Inside he basin, he neon yellow was urning everish wih every drop. Te piss o many men was inerminglingand chemically reacing or an oher-worldly glow. Te

sench o is ammonia was harsh and violen, waing nearly o he poin o visibiliy, perhaps boiling ino a gaseouscompound o airborne wase.


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“You sill wih ha ne litle hing you snuck in here aew weeks ago?”

“No sir. I’s been a year since ha happened,” Mikhailsaid. “Wild ucking nigh, hough. I’m no sure I couldmuser up one like ha again. Ta advenurousness has lemy blood. Bu, no, no. No, we’re no ogeher. Jus his week in ac, I had o dead i.”

“Mayhem go o be oo much?”“Somehing like ha,” Mikhail said. Te ammonia,

wihou so much as a ush or nearly an hour, suddenly overook him. I almos pu him a on his back in mid-sream. He waned o seady himsel, bu he didn’ dare

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o ouch he wall. “I i wasn’ or you, broher, I’d eel like a

complee candidae or he adul diaper. I piss way oo much.”Mikhail nished his process wih a rm shake. He was

careul no o dip his eyesigh oo ar below he horizon, assuch looks oen go conused or inviaions (o gh or uck,ypically). Ou o habi—and maybe because he hadn’ useda high-rafc oile in several monhs—he ushed, cursing

himsel he second he did. In he #720’s municipal men’sroom, i was bes no o ouchanyhing bu one’s own dick.

And had Mikhail managedha, he would’ve been morally okay wih no washing his

hands beore leaving.As he walked away rom

he urinal, he could eel hegrimy oor’s sicky atemps okeep him a-ooed. Te o-

whie linoleum was litered wih browned and yellowedooprins, sprinkled wih

pieces o rash, grasping ou




by Brandn Perkins

a anyhing ha had a beter lie han i did. Aer a ew

noisy seps, Mikhail could no longer hear he basin-lling pour—one ha made Mr. Sallow inamous—rise agains his porcelain pisser. A he sink, and wih a disineresed levelo grie, he discovered an empy soap dispenser. He le helukewarm waer run over his hands. Leaning in owards hemirror, he debaed he shade o red in his eyes. Everyhing

behind him looked green and his enire color reerence waso. A V screen in he le corner o he room ashed heBN logo and is ounder’s smiling ace.

Eyeing a ew-hours-old ve o’clock shadow in hisreecion, a lone pimple peaked ou. Perhaps he resul o an in-grown hair, i was nohing ha’d ever be spoted in

he dim lighs o whaever club he was abou o explore.Te auce’s splash was hardly above room emperaureand, agains beter judgemen, he slurped several palmuls,already hirsy or pos-booze waer. Regardless o color, i

was soohing, and so he le i run ino a sink spoted wihobacco-sained loogies and crused oohpase. Glancing

back up in he mirror, he saw he man wih he peroraedleaher jacke and dyed goaee ake o ha peroraedleaher jacke, and hen his shir, sufng he black ee

77




ino he bea-up coa’s sleeve. Mikhail cauiously wachedhe sripping man, bu i was quickly apparen ha his soleinenion was jus some old ashioned reshening up.

“Whachu drinking on onigh, Mr. Sallow?” Mikhail yelled. I was he loudes he had spoken in a long ime. Sorare or him o raise his voice, i gave him a litle spook. He

pulled down a nealy olded owel rom he sand o his righ.

Enire secions o he abric scrached his ace, bu he didas he Public Healh Inspecor (PHI) recommended, andound he soer, cleaner pars o he owel. He avoided hecoagulaes o cloh ha no one waned o alk abou.

“Would love a Whie Russian, i you could spare i.”“Are you rying o be unny, broher? Is ha some sor o

dig a my name?”“No, son, I could jus really use he calcium.”Nodding and drying his hands, Mikhail leaned back

agains he sink. Te shirless man nex o him a he urinal was now nex o him a he sink. Boh his ho and cold knobs were on ull blas and he seam rose louder han he auce’s

deaening hunder. Behind hem, while he Pary Kidsconinued o move in and ou wihou washing heir hands,anoher man began o shave in he round communal sink ahe cener o he bahroom. His oo was seady on he pedal,

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by Brandn Perkins

pushing waer hrough he circular spigo. Is pressure wasmeager and his shavings oaed in he murky waer a he

base. He was bleeding in a ew places and large drips blotedhe soapy mix in slow-moion cannonballs.

Aer giving himsel one las reassuring glance, Mikhailhanded he PHI-approved owel o he shirless man a headjacen sink. Wih i, he man squeeze-dried his sopping

we armpi hair. He wiped his ace and hen around his wais and under his bel. He dipped deeper and dried his balls wih he cloh whenhe hough no one waslooking. He pu on his

black -shir and henhis peroraed leaherjacke, beore olding heowel and placing i back on he sand. By ha

poin, however, Mikhail

had long walked ou o he room.



he corridor—made Mikhail wan o explore a new opion.

Te bigger clubs wouldn’ quie be worh a damn, ye. And besides, he knew ha a litle ellowship was sill a necessary

cruch. Mikhail decided o pos up and wach he Friday

nigh procession—he bes way o nd a los pary was o

say in one place.

Bu i wouldn’ be beyond Chevy and Jayson o je o

beore Mikhail could ge ou o he bahroom. Tey haddone i beore. Leaning agains he wall, he hough abou

he hypoheical debae he wo o hem would have abou

where o go. Chevy would probably rhyme abou Anyhing

and Jayson would sugges hey wai around or anoher

minue or wo. As he conversaion played across Mikhail’s

head, he sared walking owards Anyhing. And hen his phone sared vibraing. He silenced i and kep walking.

And hen i rang again. He waied o see i i’d vibrae in

his pocke a ew more imes or wheher Kaya’s atemp o

reach him was jus a ex message...bu i kep ringing. He

silenced i and hen i rang i again.

Wihou his riends around o hide his pride rom,

urious wih he consan barrage o buzzing, disraugh

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by Brandn Perkins

“Fuck, my bad, man, I hough you were—”

“Obviously,” Chevy said, speaking loudly hrough Mikhail’s

ear piece. “You hough I was Kaya and you know wha? I really

am ha proud.”“Where you a, you condescending basard?”

“I remember Amy, she used o AIM me. She sayed up lae

and used o blame me. She say I’m oo wild, she wanna ame

me. I old her ‘Even Phooshop couldn’ change me.’”

83

MessMbonus



“Oh, aigh, I see you,” Mikhail closed his phone and made

his way hrough he crowd owards he aller-han-average

Chevy who was sill spiting some shi ino his phone. He hadn’heard Mikhail hang up.

“I akes you longer o piss han a malconen monger does

o hiss,” Chevy said, once Mikhail go close. “Me? I’m rom he

Apple, which means I’m a Mac. She’s a PC, she lives in my lap.”

Nobody knew wha was nex, bu hey all knew ha ime

had o be killed beore hey ough o 90,000 oher Angelenos who would laer ry o ge ino he Weezy concer held a a venue

ha 1,000. Jayson poined o he booze car ha was several

yards o he righ, and aer nodding in unison, hey all walked

in ha general direcion unil Chevy decided o si on a se o

sairs ha lead o no door.

“I’ll pay or all o our drinks i one o you goes and deals wih hose guys...and maybe picks up he ip,” Chevy said

so seriously. Jayson gave Mikhail a simple ye regreul look




by Brandn Perkins

ha said everyhing ha could be said: Jayson’s unnamed

and compleely absen girlriend wouldn’ loosen his walle

enough o allow he social-economics o chipping in onhe grauiy. Chevy handed Mikhail a $30 bill and sared

saying somehing abou he amoun o pussy ha’d populae

he Weezy concer. Tere was no real reason or Mikhail o

quesion Chevy’s abiliy o ge hem ino HD, where Weezy

was scheduled o perorm, or he ac ha $30 wouldn’ quie

cover he ab or hree drinks. He knew ha he jus had o goalong wih i.

Freesanding adverisemens whizzed passed him.

Backli picures o hamburgers, srippers, $180 pairs o jeans,

seducively posuring smokers, and communiy messages

sood in Mikhail’s way. Above him, an acor on a billboard

sheepishly looked a he acresses who respecively playedhis wie and moher-in-law. “Bless Tis Mess” i said, airing a

8 PM on Tursdays. Sidesepping he obsacles and ignoring

he over-reaching banners ha sreched around him, Mikhail

wen wih he fow and he fow brough him o a booze car

wihou a wai. Pushed by a glowing man—his ranslucen

skin absorbing and hen redisribuing he erminal’s aricial

ligh—he car was an operaion o opossum, and Mikhail

wasn’ sure i i was dead or ready or business.

85



“You pushing any whiskey onigh, boss?” he asked.“Yeah, yeah, we’re open. Jus because I ain’ gos one

o hose ancy signs...yeah, well, we gos Jack Daniels,

Black Label, Jameson, Dewars, Scoresby...whachu

wannni mixed wih?”

“Jus a litle ice. Give me a Jameson-rocks, a double,

please,” Mikhail said. He wached he shirless man move

in obvious pain. His bones looked ready o rip hrough his

sreching-o-he-brink skin and Mikhail wondered i he

hunched-over man jus waned a litle conversaion. “All due

respec, sir, bu why do you say we? Do you have a bar-back

hidden back here? Tere’s no oo much space behind you.”Te man urned his back o reveal a groesque growh

grinning a Mikhail rom jus below his le shoulder blade.

Te growh had is eyes sewed close, a mouh wih razor

sharp eeh, wo holes osensibly or breahing, and a rail


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by Brandn Perkins

arm ha reached ou owards Mikhail. While he man hueda greenish glow, whaever was on his back seemed o suck all

he ligh ino is deep purple skin. Tere was an empiness

around i, like he periphery o a blackhole ha desroyed

even he darkness ha came close.

“Ta’ll be 12 dollarssss, ssssssmar assssss,” he growh

answered.“Also, give me a High Lie and a equila soda, and hree

Jameson shos, i you could.” Mikhail paired Chevy’s bill

wih wo o his own and placed hem ino he purple growh’s

erriying hree ngers. He scraped is scaly skin in he process

o ransacion and shuddered as he sliminess ineraced wih

his own hand.“We ssssshall provide or heeee cusomersssss,” i said.

“ell your riends,” he man said, urning back around.

“We walk up and down all nigh, pouring heavenly shos o

hellish liquids.”87



Mikhail glared a his plasic cup overfowing wih Jameson

and hree ice-cubes and knew i’d bethat

kind o nigh. A ew more drinks like his sraigh va o whiskey would leave him

fa. He le a decen ip and carried he shos over o Chevy

and Jayson, who were already geting ino i.

“I’m supposed o ell you ools ha hose guys pour a si

drink,” he said.

“And Jayson is rying o ell me ha Te Inerne should be ree, no honey deb or he bee.”

Mikhail handed o he shos and wen back o he booze

car o rerieve heir ollow-ups wihou giving a single

hough o whaever his riends were discussing. Kaya was

sill ou here, as were new girls who wouldn’ ry o ruin his

nigh. Evenually he’d run ino one or he oher.“Nohing is or ree, man,” Jayson said, “bu i seems

backwards o keep Te Inerne ou o reach o anyone wihou

a six-gure salary.”


“I don’ care abou Te Inerne,

le’s jus drink hese,” Mikhail said.

“No oas, jus booze, please.”“I’m jus saying, I make he

damn pars or hese buses,” Jayson

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by Brandn Perkins

said, raising his plasic cup o a sho anyway. “Man, I jus

wan o see wha he shi looks like.”

Tey all drank heir Jameson and Mikhail made roomor himsel on he concree seps beween Chevy and Jayson.

Tey sared up a he “Bless Tis Mess” banner ha fanked

above he bars ha hey had no use or, he adverisemen’s

ambiguous naure discouraging hem rom exploring

he cowboy-booed or candy-rave-coaed conens in he

esablishmens below. Mikhail could ell ha he whiskey sho wasn’ his riends’ cup o ea as hey sruggled wih

is gaseous aermah. He could drink he shi sraigh,

alongside a seak dinner, bu used his chaser rs anyway.

Tere were oo many ongoing pissing coness o worry

abou who could bes man-up a litle liquor. Insead, hey

chased he harsh ase o booze and sared up a ha silly

sicom o an ad.

“I’s prety swee, guys, and maybe onigh’s he nigh

or you,” Chevy said. “One look a Te Inerne and biches

ge we...be.”

“OK, now I’m on i,” Mikhail said. He didn’ wan oge ino a conversaion abou Te Inerne because jus

like poliics and religion, he words always urned chas

ino debaes. And Mikhail didn’ have ime or debaes,

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bu he couldn’ help himsel. “I can’ look a his shi

anymore. Why do we ge suck wih his gooy sicom

guy and his moher-in-law and sexless wie when all he

rich moheruckers ge o gaze upon Te Inerne? I’m

27-years-old and I don’ even know wha’s keeping me on

hese buses. I’s supid.”

“I know ha overhearing is absurdly rude and ha

inerruping is an even worse oense,” said a womanin a whie veil, rudely inerruping heir overheard

conversaion. “Bu he divide exiss or a reason. And

more imporanly, Te Inerne’s inaccessibiliy exiss

or a reason. I beauy was mean or everyone, hen

beauy wouldn’ exis a all. Tere needs o be a curve o

comparison and socialism only creaes a fa line o ugly.”Te woman saunered in her sance wih a vicious

se o curves. Te waerall o lace ha fowed rom her

head snugly wrapped around her body in a single piece

o abric ha only broke or seducive peaks a her skin.

Her cleavage clear in sigh, he whie lace wen down and

around an unrealisic wais, beore shelving o ino anass ha walked a ull sep and a hal behind her legs—legs

shrouded in a grace o over-indulgence. I was he second

wedding dress ha hey had encounered in he pas hour

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by Brandn Perkins

and Mikhail wondered i he was missing some sor o

ceremony. Te woman had dark eye-shadow and speckles

o jewels glued all over her ace, he combinaion o whichaccenuaed he manic bating o her eyes. I was never

cerain where she was looking and her make-up was quiehappy abou he ambiguiy.

“I you’ll excuse me, ma’am,”

Chevy said, embellishing he regal

proocol and dropping he rhymes ashe always did when alking o a member

o sociey’s upper crus, “I happen o

agree wih your sance on imposed

regulaions o he poor, bu le me

play Analog’s advocae or a minue...

Te Inerne exiss as a power beyondhuman reconciliaion. I is Los Angeles’

deiy and o deny anyone access o

heir God would be sinul, am I righ?

Ta is, o course, jus my own humble

inerpreaion o he gospel blogs.”

“Te gospels were writen o keep

order among a sociey wihou i. Access

is jus a wan o he sinul. God creaed Te

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Inerne or he people he deemed worhy, i.e. hose whom

capialized upon Is grea powers. I he poor really wanedo see Te Inerne, hey’d work heir way ino a posiion

where hey could. One shouldn’ blame he prophes or

he sloh o he lazy.”

“Te prophes never would’ve lumped he lazy wih he

incapable,” Chevy respecully said, “and hey’d be he rs

o open up he shuters or hose who couldn’ aord o seei on heir own accord.”

“You wouldn’ know wha i’s like,” Jayson said, winding

up o deliver anoher blow o ye anoher unsuspecing

emale, “you have no idea. You were born wih a silver spoon

or every despicable hole.”

Mikhail hi Jayson wih a look ull o scorn and ried oinervene. “He’s a litle biter or some reason. I’s jus ha

we’re no supid, we work hard, do our bes o be producive

members o sociey...i jus seems like a lo o bullshi o

keep somehing so simple as he outside away rom us. Plus,

Jayson here probably jus likes you. He firs like a conused

ourh-grader.”“Knowing ha you’ve never looked upon Te Inerne,

I don’ expec ha you know who I am,” he woman said,

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by Brandn Perkins

speaking down o Jayson and

Mikhail, boh o whom were sill

seaed. She ook care o nod aChevy, as i o exclude him rom

whaever she was abou o say.

“Bu even a cursory glance a he

despicable adverisemens ha

surround you should provide a

clue abou my imporance.”“I’ve never seen Te

Inerne,” Mikhail said, “bu

I’ve seen oo many promoional posers and screens or my own liking—”

“And he sill has no idea who he uck you are,” Jayson

said. “And neiher do I.”“I am Briney Spears,” she said. “Bri-Bri by some,

including Perez, Forune o Spears by ohers. I’m known as

Divine Diva by man, bu o your ears, my real name migh

as well be unpronounceable, i would be nohing bu binary

code. Ta is jus he ip o my legacy, bu who are you o

inquire my name?”“I’m Jayson. Friend o hese dudes and boyriend o a

woman who’ll remain nameless. Does ha make me royal

and capable o accepable condescension oo?”

93




“I have never, in all my lie, been accosed like his. Even

he lowly acory ras, who fock ino hose Inerne-orsaken

bars wih he cheap beer and peanus, would never dare say hehings you’ve said o me in such a one. Even he irreparable

members o he disgusing SABDD have enough reverence in

heir coarse ongues or he aable words aorded o my saion

o being. I am no jus a slave or you. I am no jus he naked

skin o desire—cerainly no or hose unaccouned or.”

As he words rolled over her religiously orked words,

Mikhail looked down owards her ankle. Surely enough, here

was a serpen inerwined wih barbed wire, Chinese characers

and a buterfy—he very symbol o Briney Spears. Below her

atoo, he srapped sandals suddenly seemed more expensive

han he combined ous o Mikhail and his riends.

“Please excuse my insolence,” Mikhail said, rying his

hand a Chevy’s sudden burs o ormaliy. “I did no recognize

you. I’ve never seen Te Inerne and rarely cavored wih Is

capors, bu he quesion remains....why can’ common olk

have windows ino Is beauy?”

“I’s like, uck,” Jayson blured, “I’ve heard sories abouTe Inerne since I was a kid, bu my parens weren’ rich or

anyhing, so all I go was sories. And ha’s kinda shity.”

“I Te Inerne was or everybody,” Briney Spears said,

“hen surely you’d have more han ales o ell.”

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by Brandn Perkins

And wih ha, she cursied and walked o ino he

disance.

Chevy go up rom he sairs and made a big deal ou o

sreching his back, arching and yawning and reaching wihou

concern. He handed Mikhail and Jayson one o hose sale aces

and hey oo go up, making similar gesures o soreness.

“Which way are we going?” Jayson asked, looking le and

hen righ and mumbling somehing abou stupid bitches under

his breah.

“I don’ wan o do one o hose nighs where we jus walk

around in circles looking or he nex bes hing,” Mikhail said.

“Is here a desinaion? Preerably one ha Kaya wouldn’

wan o atend?”

95




“Le’s jus walk and alk and hope your picher don’

balk.”“I hae hose rich biches,” Jayson said. “I’m sorry i I uck

up your game, bu uck, ha hoiy-oiy atiude jus ruins my

nigh.”

“You sure i isn’ your lack o release?” Chevy asked,

acually kind o concerned.

“Don’ sar his up again, man.”“He’s go a poin,” Mikhail said. “You ge so aggro he

minue a girl—ha isn’ your girl—is around. I shouldn’ be

ha way. No ha I know how you are around her , eiher.”

“I is wha i is, man, bu really? Tis is wha i’s all abou,

a bunch o dudes having a Friday nigh ou,” Jayson said,

ollowing Chevy and Mikhail hrough he #720’s crowd. “I

don’ know why we keep alking abou all he shi ha brings

us down. Since we go here, i’s been all Kaya and resricions

and honey-dew lists and—”

“Wai, wai, wai,” Chevy said, sopping all movemen o

urn around and look Jayson in he eye. “Wha he uck is ahoney-dew lis? Sounds like some rifin’ ish...”

“You know,” Jayson said beore his voice rose hree

ocaves o an unseemly mocking pich, “Honey do his. Honey

96




he kichen foor. I rim her oenails. Le me ge my dick sucked

while siting in a chair, you know?”“No,” Chevy said, mater o acly. “We have no idea wha

you’re alking abou. I raises doub. Ta sounds like hell. An

angel ell, no ring or your bell.”

“Whaever, Bri-Bri is a cun. And uck you guys, oo.”

As hey walked owards an unknown desinaion, Mikhail

sared o ge a bad eeling abou heir pah. O he hundreds

o bars and clubs on he #720, i always boiled down o he

same ew esablishmens. Paterns were he devil o a nigh

mean or secrecy. Repeiion is he aher o learning.



by Brandn Perkins

“I hough I could ell you guys wha’s going on wih me,”

Jayson said, so rusraed ha he was aking he lead a his poin. “I ges overbearing someimes, wih he quesion

abou a raise she eels I’m due, bu I’m no sure I’ll ge. Wih

he consan concerns abou my whereabous...o course, she

ain’ Kaya, bu sill, she worries. And worries are sressul.

She worries abou my commimen o her, because o all her

healh problems, hey’re no exacly aligned wih a normalrelaionship. Bu I’ve been real wih her.”

“And maybe you shouldn’,” Mikhail said. “Maybe you

should ge aer your own. You sheler her. Wha abou yours?

You have o be sick o jerking o, righ?”

“I wish I could jerk o, shi. She hinks i’s a sin or adulery

or somehing. I jus do i as quickly as I can in he shower.”

“Tis is he sorries I’ve ever el or you,” Chevy said.

“Wha? You eel sorry because I can’ jerk o? Oh man, he

grea Chevy sill masurbaes?”

“No only do I appease my squeeze, I do i he bes way

possible. I you only have ha opion, you migh as well makehe bes o i. ake noes i you mus. I you’re going o ap your

own well, a leas warm up some loion in he microwave. Te

99




hea doesn’ las long, so i’s bes o ge i near boiling and do

wha you have o do o ge yoursel a a similar emperaure

Righ when you’re nearing he hump, he loion should be

cooled enough, and i’ll pu you over he op. I migh even be

beter han sex.”

“I eiher have a 90 second window when she ges somehing

o ea while I’m showering or I have o ake a shi and do i rom

memory, man. Maybe I could warm he loion wih ho waer

rom he ap?”

“No sir, you’re jus apped ou. No wap abou...”

And ha seemed o be i or ha conversaion. In a

saggering ormaion, hey waded hrough he seas o people

hey migh’ve sopped o alk o, had here no been somehing

else in he air ha nigh. Chevy once again ook he mission’srudders, searching ou weak links in he hrongs o people

milling abou, jus so ha hey could ge ahead. And his lead

sared o scare he shi ou o Mikhail.

Wih every increasing sep wihou word o where hey were

going, he bad eeling in Mikhail’s insides bubbled a litle bi

higher. Maybe i was Jayson’s maryrdom—because he reallydid love his unnamed girlriend—or maybe i was he doom o

heir impending desinaion, bu here was somehing evil ha

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by Brandn Perkins

Mikhail el rom his gu o his bone marrow. He didn’ know

lie in a relaionship wihou he possibiliy o a blow-job and

he deniely didn’ know lie wihou masurbaion. Or maybe

he jus el guily or judging Jayson, who migh’ve owned he

only example o rue love ha he’d ever come across. Ten

again, Anyhing was he only club Chevy ever wen o down a

his end o he #720. And knowing he endencies o Kaya’s

riends, Anyhing was no he righ desinaion or Mikhail’s

deep-seeded desire o avoidance.

check out chapter 8 (or else)...only at pleaseuserearexit.net



Despie he consan yping, he Oce o Emailing People(OoEP) was a cushy job or anyone who didn’ give a uck abou words. Te enire gig was buil around brainsorming sessionsin he morning ha ried o discover new loop-holes in he legal language surrounding spam. Equally as ime-consuming, heaernoons were spen circumvening he morning’s laid-ou

illegaliies wih clever scams. Some days, Mikhail was wriing persuasive paragraphs abou he nancial benes o a pervered pyramid scheme. Oher days, he was a Nigerian prince. And henhere was he compleely non-sensical par o his job.

Bu he OoEP paid prety well and was a signican seting in his relaionships wih Kaya and Saron. And he was really,

really good a he work. I was he ype o place ha osered small alk: no big

enough or cubicles, he Oce was jus a ew lines o long ableswhere each work saion consised o a compuer separaed on

CHAPTER EIGHT(( slow jam flly ))

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boh sides by a pile o books on grammar. Te joke, o course,was ha he vas majoriy o heir emails had nohing o do wih

he English language. Tis was he squid’s share o wha he wroeon a daily basis:

“abrogate oyster demitted? doge, doge fdelity. drug glance hippocratic

implement byproduct glance, thereto hermann hippocratic void

handspike koran. carryover doge poison

plug kid bahama? stickle, secretary radiometer. radiometer drug owlabrogate crestview cutworm, venezuela demitted fdelity pineapple

implement paradox. paradox chartres macintosh radiometer thereto

plug? kid, secretary”

Ta was he mos o i, mos o he ime. Te litle remainder o his “work” ocused on lierarily embodying a prince in a ar o land—lierally. Bu he larges par o his day was spen alking o he people on his immediae le and righ, piles o books be

103



damned. Tree weeks beore, Kaya was on his le showing him

he ropes on his rs day. Ten she go hopelessly drunk over a ooball game and he had o end heir relaionship, and she hado qui he same job ha she had goten him. wo days aer ha, Saron sared working a he OeEP.

All he men in he oce remember ha day like i washe anniversary o heir own birh. Saron saunered ino he

OeEP wearing a ank-op, sweapans and Uggs—and only awoman o her saure could ever ge away wih he casualnesso such a rs-day ou. Her so rmness insilled ideas o Sunday mornings spen cuddling ino any man wih a hear and passionae mornings spen ucking ino any man wih a dick. Ina bouncingly beauiul 3.2 second loop, Mikhail imagined her

geting dressed on his aparmen’s wood oor aer a hypoheical early aernoon romp. Back in he oce, where she awaied her desk assignmen, she sood seamlessly, no even a line or her bra and panies. As soon as Mikhail convinced himsel ha her undergarmens were deniely pink, she was guided o he empysea nex o him.

He wasn’ sure i i was a gesure o good will on he shi manager’s par or a devious plo or his pimply aecions oseal Kaya’s love away om him. Despie any erriorial issues


104



he migh’ve el, Mikhail wholly

wished he acne-aced shimanager would ake Kaya’sbroken hear o his hands. Especially wih he empaionso Saron a his ngerips.

“How do I spell there?”

Saron asked him, poining oher screen beore he even knewher name. I was barely 30seconds aer he shi manager nished a 45-minue spiel hanormally ook 10 minues.

“Le me le you in on alitle secre,” he said, being boh

by Brandn Perkins

genuine and curious, “i doesn’ mater. Righ here, you wan-H-E-Y-aposrophe-R-E, bu i’s all moo. Words per minue areall hey wan.”

“Oh, okay. Like, -H-E-R-E sandards aren’ ha high?”

Mikhail spen he res o ha rs morning wondering i shewas supid or jus bad a elling jokes. And abou how pissed Kayawould be once she ound ou how sexy he new girl was. Saron

105



didn’ say anyhing o any inelligence, bu

her body spoke oo loudly or him o hinksraigh. Te op o her breass peakedou above her ank-op and Mikhail was so concerned wih kissing he warmsilkiness o ha volupuous skin ha he didn’ even hink abou he nippleshiding beneah her clohing. His emailssared succumbing o Saron’s level o acumen and or he rs ime in Mikhail’s rs monh a he OeEP, he was issued awarning because his lack o random word

consrucion wasn’ by-passing Gmail’sspam proecion. Te break or lunchcouldn’ come soon enough.

“Did you bring a lunch or do youmaybe wan o nd a car wih somehing good because I know a ew good pushers

ha come around perhaps?” He wasn’ sure where his senence was going o endso he jus ended i wih a quesion, ucking his packed lunch ou o sigh.


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by Brandn Perkins

“OMI, Mikhail, I know his place

beter han you’d ever believe,” Saronsaid, sroking a sray wisp o her hair behind a se o delicious ears. “My momworked here or, like, 20 years. I pracically grew up in his oce. She reired, so, like,she packed me a lunch.”

Mikhail un-ucked his paper bag o pia and hummus, conjuring up all o hecondence he could o shake i in Saron’sdirecion wihou being a dick abou i. Hehen le her lead he way owards he breakroom, where she changed Te Inerne saion on he dial and urned i way up.Te oher emailers were a litle shockedha heir lunch-ime soundrack had soloudly swiched om alk-radio o classic R&B, bu Saron’s pulchriudinousness

was oo overwhelming o proes.“I remember dancing o his join in middle school,” Mikhail said, placing

107



his bag on he able and preparing o ake a proper sea. “I don’ know i his makes me eel

old or young. I pracically wan o ask you odance, a ull arm’s lengh apar like my mom ischaperoning or somehing.”

“OMI, yes, okay. I’ll oally dance wih you.”

Righ hen and here, i sared. He was

jus rying o hang wih he new girl, bu hiseors had hrus him ino a siuaion ha el adulerous. Kaya had only qui a ew daysbeore and all hose co-workers who gossipedabou he rise and all o ha relaionship(despie his and Kaya’s bes atemp o hide

heir ride) were winess o Mikhail’s new icke.rying o mach he irony o nosalgia, he oundhimsel lock-armed in a mockery o pubescen iraion. Saron and Mikhail side-sepped


as hey laughed, heir midsecions miles apar as hey jerkinglywirled. “Down On Bended Knee” ended and hey sa down oea lunch.

During he nex day’s lunch break, hey inched a litle closer while “Waer Runs Dry” played.

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by Brandn Perkins

109

And during he nex lunch, Mikhail’s humbs

ound Saron’s belloops and hen his handsinsered hemselves inoher back pockes. Her elbows ben igher andigher, closer and closer

around his neck.On he ourh day,

her rs Tursday,while everyone in helunchroom gawked on,heir midsecions raded

ouches and Saronurned up he volumeon he break room’s Pandora.

By Friday’s lunch, i was un-spokenly imporan ohe boh o hem o nd he rhyhm wihin he cheesy R&B playing in heir increasingly no-longer ironic ac. As muchas he ried o ake he lead, he always ollowed he ebb and ow o her hips and he dips o her ass. Tey shufed in small circles and inerlocked igher and igher unil he arch o her




jeans rubbed agains his high and she dug her ngers hroughhis hair. Mikhail coninued o ell himsel ha i was all an ac,

ghing his hormones and he cackles o heir co-workers o a poin o reasonable submission. Kaya sill didn’ comprehendheir break-up, bu he couldn’ comprehend Saron’s curves; no when hey were josling so close o his desires.

And hen she kissed him.Surrounded by milling co-workers, a ew o whom sill

considered Kaya a iend, his bag lunch sill on he able, he oze. He sopped kissing Saron beore he really sared. As hardas i was o remove his hand om he small o her back, where i was warmed by he grip o her kni op, he did. Te on-lookerswho began as par o he joke were suddenly dumbounded paparazzi o poenial pornography, and probable sniches o

boo. He grabbed his lunch and ook i o he #2’s main corridor. Minues laer, Saron ollowed him.

“A lunch break is oo overwhelming in here,” Mikhail said.“oo observed, oo much pressure.”

“I was jus dancing and i jus happened and—” “Don’ apologize, I jus don’ know wha I’m doing. I’s me,

I’m sorry. Your lips are amazing, bu i’s been a specacle in here.Can I jus see you ouside o work, ouside o he peeping oms?Where do you live? Can we mee somewhere omorrow? I’m o.Work, I mean, no o like crazy.”

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Tey moved heir preposerous

conversaion rom he bahroomino he club, wihou washing heirhands, and Kaya caugh her urna he sink. She scrubbed her plainngernails wih soap while hinkingabou wha i mean o be a whore.

Te whole conversaion made her absoluely indignan.Teir rampishness washed over her wih more aggressionhan he scalding ho waer ha poured rom he ap. Shehad enirely oo much pride o go o her knees in a club.Kaya ancied hersel a lady rom an age o manners, an agelong orgoten.

Wih he chaos around her oddly idled, she ook a brie momen o look a her ace. I she hadn’ known beter,

here wasn’ a shred o evidence rom anoherday spen crying. Te oliveoil soaked cucumbers

worked, jus like ha blog said hey would. Herligh green eyes lookedrereshed, gleeul even.




by Brandn Perkins

Te reckles ha bese her pale skin were youhul,

no a all looking like pimples, as hey did jusa ew hours prior. Shesmiled. I was orced, bui was he same smile she’d

been orcing all nigh. I’d

have o do. When she sepped away, he clamoring cuckold vigorously re-emerged and squabbled over mirror space,reinvigoraing he kno in Kaya’s somach.

Mikhail was an asshole. He didn’ know wha he waned.He didn’ know wha i mean o be wih a real woman.Kaya rowned and wished ha she had made he smarmy

ace in he mirror, jus or reassurance. She knew i wasa cue smug, bu could’ve used he visual conrmaion.

Mikhail was such an asshole.She knew he was ou here,

probably dancing. I was adeliberae aron or him ohave so much un righ underher nose. She was jus ryingo move on wih her lie, whilehe was surely busy moving on



by Brandn Perkins

quie, despie all he clucking she winessed a he mirror.Reaching ino her Louis Vuiton purse, she pulled ou her

cell phone and hi #2 on he speed dial. I rang once and wen sraigh o voicemail.

“In hese days, a missed call isas good as a voicemail...bu do youas you choose, please...beep!”

“Aer everyhing we shared,I can’ believe how his ended, Imiss you,” Kaya said, composedenough. Bu hen i all quickly spilled downhill. “Pick up your

phone, you uckin’ asshole. How

dare you? You hink you’re heshi? You’re a big man, huh? Youhave a litle prick and I spi a heidea o i in my mouh. ased likeshi anyway, you uckin’ aggo.

You uckin’ coward, I hae you. You

were born a coward and you’ll diealone a coward. Why can’ you jus

pick up your phone. I miss you. Ineed o alk—”

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“Kaya!”Somehing o a rance was broken. She whimpered

loudly in he direcion o her name, nohing discernible,and insincively closed her phone. Lindsay angrily snapped her ngers in he doorway.

“Your song is on, girl! Wha are you doingin here?””

“Nohing,” Kaya said. “Nohing.”

“Le me see your phone.”“No, ha’s supid. I was jus checking my

voicemail.”“Were you calling your messages a coward?

Kaya, come on now, you’re my girl, why are you sill call-ing ha dip-shi? He’s worhless, le’s jus have un.”

“Linds, I know...you’re righ. I jus hough I couldalk o him like a human or once,” Kaya said, slighly embarrassed, like a child caugh cheaing on a es. “Ididn’ eel so angry and hough i’d be a good ime o jusge i over wih.”

“Ta’s no angry? Beore you sared whining, Ihaven’ heard rage like ha since church.”“I know.”“And ge wha over? Wha’s le? He hasn’ called or

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by Brandn Perkins

exed you back all week! Dip-shi broke up wih you—obviously his bad—bu he’s moved on. I’s ime or you o

do he same. You’re a sexy-ass bich. Tose lolia recklesand an ass ha jus don’ qui. And besides, youare a lady. A lady. You don’ swea he conrarions,

you gh o he pursuers wih a spiked sick.”“Tanks Linds, he’s jus such an asshole. I

can’ even believe I wased my ime. He old me I

wasn’, i’s jus, well, I jus believed him.”Kaya and Lindsay sepped ou ino Anyhing

and he heigh o he club hardly matered—i sillel crowded. Tis Friday nigh was rie wih sin,

overowing wih he ype o acions ha were alked abou inhe litle girls’ room. Te smell hung angible in he air—someawul combinaion o pheromones and rui-avored body spray—and i sung Kaya’s nosrils. She el sorry or he

barely-clad eenagers ha surrounded her and was disgused wih he ew eyeballing men ha sood gawking wih heirmouhs agape. Kaya was dishearened by he enire scene,

as she drasically ried o ignore he pornographic displayson he overhead screens and maching adverisemens. Aerjus a ew seps, he owing abric o her blouse sared o hugher skin. Everyhing was damp o he ouch.

119




“Why is his un, again?”“Don’ be such a pary pooper,” Lindsay shoued. “I have

some guys —hey’re so ho—and you should oally meehem.”“I can barely hear you.”Te perspiraion o ohers sared o sain Kaya’s clohes.

She el heir excreions agains her skin, bu musered all her perseverance o keep on keeping on. Wih each sep hrough

he disgraceul crowd, her clohes coninued o absorb heliquids o everyone else. Toughs o disease dominaed hermind.

“I’s so crowded in here,” she said.Lindsay didn’ hear a single word o Kaya’s shou, no

over he DJ’s choice o punch-in-he-ace BPM. As quickly as

he purveyor o songs dipped ino echno rances, he dippedou o op 40 hip-hop. And because o he exra emphasiso “is in he air,” Kaya absoluely knew ha i was a manmanning Anyhing’s urnables.

Over he overbearing presence o he club’s oversizedspeakers, she go urned around. Glowering a a couple

virually having inercourse beneah an obscenely risingminiskir, Kaya was los in a momen o people waching.Tey were all so careree. She couldn’ see he rhyhm hahey el, bu i exised noneheless.

120



by Brandn Perkins

“Kaya!”Lindsay grabbed Kaya’s hand, a ull-on mission in

her grip. Tey broke hrough small circles o small girls,

sepping over heir pile o iny purses, hopping aroundhe iny ames o he worshipped handbags. Tey brokehrough he devious sares o boogeymen hovering ousidehe purse pow-wows. Te deeper Kaya and Lindsay goino Anyhing, he more i smelled like everyhing Kayaimagined a boys’ locker would reek o: abused socks andorgoten perishables ucked way in he back o mildewingcaverns. Kaya ried o sop judging or a minue and leLindsay lead her hand even urher ino he abyss.

121




Beneah he boom o an

impossibly loud speaker, Lindsay haled heir shor procession.She yelled in Kaya’s ear, wih hesheepish whisper o a cadence, hahese were he ho guys she had beenalking abou.

“Tis is Jerome and Raoul,”Lindsay screeched.

Kaya sill didn’ hear, bushook he hands o he wo men

wih no shirs and shaved chess.Tey wore chiseled aces, hose ha

were presened o her by a riend andKaya waned o be polie. Tey allsmiled and she ried o sway her hipsin accordance o he soundrackedregimen sen down rom above. Sheel more swea permeae her clohesand hough abou how o keep herippingly naked pecorals in ron o her rom making he sains worse. I

was probably unavoidable.

122



by Brandn Perkins

feed a squid by reading chapter 10...

http://www.pleaseuserearexit.net



Teir iming couldn’ have been more impeccable, a leasas ar as he line was concerned. Anyhing’s bouncershad sared o le people in, no longer concerned aboumainaining a line ouside he doors or he purpose o

appearances. And ye, he club wasn’ so crowded hahey couldn’ le a hree-guy-o-zero-girl raio slide

by every once in awhile. Te overall breeziness o hesiuaion pu some pause in Mikhail’s sep and he had ogh he empaion o run. I Jayson hadn’ pushed himorward, he migh’ve discovered a way back.

Once Mikhail’s eyes go used o he overwhelmingnesso he scene revealed hrough Anyhing’s heavily-ineddoors, i helped ake his mind o o hings. Lighs

were shining and skin was glisening. Shoulder srapsell below shoulders while jeans dipped below hips,

sprinkling peaks o silk hongs as ar as one could possibly see. Maybe his was he reason ha heir enrance was soeasy...Anyhing acually needed men o balance ou heequaion.

124

CHAPTER TEN(( devil’s dance ))



“Tis is why we come o places like his,” Jayson said,shouing beween Mikhail and Chevy’s ears. “Tis is why

we do his.”“I’s a playground o he merry,” Chevy said. “Marry

anyhing merry named Mary.”“Jus don’ le me uck a a chick,” Jayson said, his

une changing he minue his whisler hi he oor. I waseasy o ge los in. A sea o scinillaing scandalousness

poured ou in ron o hem, waves o skin los in sin,disappearing in he ide o srobe-lighs. Hardly a manin sigh, i was an overwhelming opporuniy o plunder

125

esrogen, barely buriedin shallow waer. Mikhail

couldn’ even imagine hesex-depraved houghs on Jayson’s near-drunk noggin,nevermind his own corrupedhoughs o unconrollablelus. He couldn’ even ocus

on a single breezy. Tey wereall dancing, unclaimed andin unison. A sea o swayingalgae.



No even our seps ino Anyhing, Chevy was disraced by a small group o people. Several suis inermingled wih a

ew scanily clad, mosly blonde girls. One guy was green andhe made a garish decision o don pinsripes and an orangeie, bu i didn’ mater o he neophye he was iring wih.Tey were probably parners a Chevy’s rm. Commited ohe nigh’s ques bu unsure o heir own, Mikhail and Jaysonsood idly by while everyone else laughed.

“Tese are he homies—Mikhail and Jayson,” Chevy shoued. He coninued on, bu no one could hear hisdesperae pleas, no over Anyhing’s robus soundsysem.Everyone shook hands and nodded he necessary signs o respec, even as no on had heard a ucking word. Small alk

was made ha Mikhail wasn’ privy o and he quickly grew anxious. Sanding in one spo made his ee burn, especially




by Brandn Perkins

in he lion’s den o Anyhing, where Kaya’s BFF was knowno prowl. Jayson also looked uncomorable.

“You wan somehing o drink?” Mikhail asked Jayson.“Yes.”“You wan somehing o drink?” Mikhail asked Chevy.“Wha?”“You wan a drink?”I was useless. Chevy pated Mikhail on he shoulder and

urned back o he suis and heir presumably underagedaccompanimen. Even i he waned a drink, he wasn’ ryingo hear anyhing ha Mikhail said.

“You wanna explore?”Jayson nodded and le Mikhail lead he way, leaving

Chevy behind. Anyhing’s apex was he #720’s majesic peak, dwarng every oher ceiling in he caegory o heigh,



even he main erminal isel.HD supposedly delivered

a view o Te Inerne, bui was sill dwared by heheigh o Anyhing. Teglitering walls srechedino epiphany, accompanied

by LCD screens ha

reeced and broadcasedhe amosphere o he enire

place. Inimae momens


128

o physical aecion ashed by in eeing seconds o is and ass on screens above he danceoor and similarachievemens occurred in he esh below. No one paid

atenion o he pornographic loops on high when somuch PDA was happening on he low.

In a rose-budded black bra and a paper-hin plaidskir riding high agains her pasy highs, a skinny emo-chick rode a gian sued eddy bear. She ound a pichnex o he reble ha made everyone remble. Wih heconcenraion and movemens i ook o ride a mechanical

bull, she grinded away on ha marble-eyed beas ill ime



by Brandn Perkins

129

sopped. Ta bear’s so exerior was rode urher andurher and urher ino a corner.

Beyond her, he purple-clad riples rom Te Smokeaced ou elaborae ploys o seducion amongs hem-selves. Dangerously close o inces, a breah’s bea away rom sensuous lip locking, hey ignored personal spaceand expressed he personal anasies o all oo many. All

excep Jayson, who reused o look a hem he insan his vision wen riple. Beyond hem, a group o girls—equally sharp and so—pranced around heir colleced pile o de-signer bags, aking urns bending over o he ron, ouch-ing heir oes. Neiher Mikhail nor Jayson could reconcile

wha was beyond ha and i cerainly didn’ mater. From

here, i was jus a mess o enangled boobs and buts.“Tis is opporuniy knocking on our dancing door-

sep,” Mikhail shoued. Everyhing in Anyhing humpedso loudly. “Tis is why we come here, righ? You wannaanswer his door?”

“Can we ge a drink rs?”

“Don’ worry, broher. I’m no Chevy,” Mikhail said.“I you don’ wan o go o and uck some random, I won’chide you ino i. Even i I hink you’re insane.”




130

Mikhail was drowned ou by a worldly mix o pulsaingelecronica. Regardless o he roos, i was underlined

and exclamaed by an oppressive orce ha purpored o be music. Sixeen bars o rapping someimes litered henoxious concourse, jus as oen as everyhing sopped

while he music sripped down o a ew warm seconds o bossa nova ha echoed hroughou he esablishmen wih an analog comor. I was purposeully uneven andeveryone was already oo ucked up o even boher being

bohered. Tey jus wen wih hejiled urns, overly enhusiasic ahe slighes inkling o amiliariy.

And when pary populace knew

he song, hey le i be known.“I we ge a drink now, we’ll

come back o a 50-50 crowd,guaraneed,” Mikhail said, sraininghis voice, uncomorably close o

Jayson’s ear. “I’s your call.”

“Jus don’ le me chea,” Jayson said, he eor required o be heard perhaps reinsalling his



by Brandn Perkins

133

wore a oral summerdress ha wirled wihmore ervor han shedid, and he girl couldwirl. Curls bouncedabove her analizingly iny ears. Tey were

simply marked wihhe quaines o golddangles, boh o hem

succumbing o he graviaional pull o her spins. Hercaramel skin was jus as dizzying, even agains he processiono chaos and limbs and ous and pulsaing ashes and

bass ha swerved direcly around her. Mikhail quesioned wheher he could even keep up wih her suble curves. Herrhyhm was impeccably skinny, bu he could ell ha shenoiced his lurking.

He ried o make eye conac wih her, atemping o work wih her urious seps or a millisecond o ace o ace.

I seemed impossible and his glare sared o eel like a sare.He hough he saw anoher smile. Her eeh sparkled in heoverhead lighs, kissed by puckering lips ramed by deep



by Brandn Perkins

135

Mikhail made a very vocal menal noe o sop he patern;

uck rs, ge o know laer.Her spins slowed and Mikhail weighed his nex sep. Move aggressively or coyly? Unabashedly grind up againsher owing oral prin or sauner over casually wih every accidenal meeing o heir eyes? Say seady or make an allou dash? Ten he song changed. ime sopped and so did

he. Mikhail los his rhyhm and suddenly became aware o himsel alone in he middle o he danceoor. He walkedaway beore his purposes could ever be known. He ailed

by rying o avoid ailure.Te uncerainy o he new song orced him o wuss

ou. Wihin wo seps, he rediscovered his bounce, bu i

was already oo lae. I was no use urning around, he had okeep moving. I he reurned a his poin, Mikhail’d jus bea creep who couldn’ make up his mind. I was imporan osick o a decision. Back here, he probably made he wrongone, leaving a conversaion beore i even sared, i i waseven mean or him in he rs place. He could have jus

lighly grabbed her elbow and whispered in her ear hahe’d never seen someone so beauiul move so graceully,ha he waned o discover he cener o her graviy.




136

“Apparenly, I need a drink oo,” Mikhail said, nding Jayson jus a ew seps rom where he had le him, blissully

ignoran o any dilemma.rafc moved swily owards he bar. An impossible wai

or he resroom was back here oo, and Mikhail was already hinking abou he emporary cover ha i could provide. Buhis bladder el srong and such a move would be shroudedin cowardess. He already el like a sheepish wi. Te musicquieed as Mikhail and Jayson made heir way o he bar, oneo Anyhing’s ew logical amospheric choices.

“I oally bailed back here.”“Whachu mean?” Jayson asked.“Nohing. Jus a ail o epic proporions. Don’ swea i.”

“...”Mikhail go back his $7 rom Jayson and walked hroughhe losers hovering around a ascreen ha showed exacly

wha he DJ was doing on his lapop. A ew people leanedagains he bar, bu he was able o work his way around hem.In he middle o he barender’s back-and-orh patern,

Mikhail ound a prime spo o se up shop and wai or a drink. Whichever way he oo-sure-o-himsel barender was moving, Mikhail would ge o place his order quickly enough. Once he



by Brandn Perkins

137

swapped he seven wrinkled bills wih he second crisp$100 bill o his nigh, his

ploy worked: wo Belvedereshos and wo Miller High-Lies shorly appeared

beore him. Even as Jayson’ssomach had srenghenedover he years, Mikhail

was sill unsure o how hisriend’s puke reexes wouldake o he sudden swich in

boozes. I was an experimeno sors. Waiing or hischange, Mikhail el a ug onhis elbow, and assuming i

was Jayson, he presened asho in he gesure’s general

direcion.“Did you run away back

here?”




138

She was more dizzyingup close; her gold dangles

caressed he so nape o herligh-skinneded neck. Mikhailhad really hoped ha she hadn’noiced, bu once again, hersmile warmed him. Tis ime ohis own shame.

“I’s been a weird nigh, I’membarrassed hough,” Mikhailsaid. Sill holding boh plasic

sho glasses o ancy vodka in his hands, he nodded owardshem. “You wanna parake?”

“I normally sick o brown booze,” she said, “bu onighI migh make an excepion.”“Accep my recepion, conracepion...I mean, I hough

you were Jayson, I mean, my elbow was grabbed and i wasn’ him,” Mikhail sutered and hen paused o resar.“ruly, I’m honored, bu honesly, i’d be a dishonor o do

his wihou he homie.”Te barender came back wih his change and he slid par

o i back, asking or anoher Belvedere sho. Mikhail looked



by Brandn Perkins

139

quickly pas his sudden suior and over his shoulder, insearch o Jayson. Bu because he move was a litle aloo,

he accidenally ound some o he masculiniy he had leon he danceoor.

“Le me guess your name...you’re oo cue or a nor-mal name,” she said, grabbing his ace wih he careulrmness an over-exuberan aun migh employ on a nine-

year-old nephew. “Barleby, maybe? Lucious?”

“No, no,” Mikhail said. “I hink my sheepishness ouhere was enough o make Lucier call me a pussy.”

“Consanine?”“Now you’re jus lising Keanu Reeves movies.”“I’m good a his, I swear...Rae? Crispin? Oliver?”“I’s Mikhail.”

“Mikhail? You don’ look Russian, I mean, nooense.”

“I’m don’, I’m no...I mean. My pops hough he was arebel and my moms hough she was clever, so hey namedme aer Gorbechov a he heigh o he Second Cold War.

A leas I’m no Rae—”Mikhail el Jayson looming around he conversaion

a ull six seconds beore he caugh he sharp poke o akarae chop agains his ribs. He leaned back so Jayson




140

could lean in and join he conversaion ha was sillepicenered a he bar.

“Tis is he deniion o a broher rom anoher moher,” Mikhail said. “Tis is he homie Jayson.”

“Jayson, i’s nice o mee you. Bu Mikhail, you aren’geting o ha easy. You can’ rick me ino elling yourriend my name jus so you can learn mine. Guess wha I’mcalled...”

“Vodka?” Jayson pondered.“Well hen, o a rose by anoher name,” she oased.Wheher Jayson was oering up a suggesion or jus

gasping a he momen’s sho choice was anyone’s guess bu his own. Regardless, he hree plasic sho glasses were

hoised and hen lowered in he name o monikers. Aerhe iniial need o vomi, Jayson’s ace morphed ino a smileha was as real as he envy in his eye. Ten he ducked o.

“Do you have a word or his rose ye?”“I’ve been calling you Dangles since I rs spoted you,”

Mikhail said.

“Dangles?”“Your earrings. Tey dangle. And wirl, bu wirl doesn’

sound as prety. Really hough, wha’s your name?”“Dangles.”



by Brandn Perkins

141

“Don’ I wish.”“I’s Bridge,” Bridge said. “And i’s nice o mee you

Mikhail, i’s indeed a surprise.”During a emporary reprieve rom he srobe-ligh,

Mikhail go a good look a her eyes or he rs ime. A inge o orange dominaed by eal, hey glowed and he

wondered how he could’ve avoided hem prior o hamomen, nevermind his slip in simply observing hem.

Ten again, her lips, skin,ears and neck were kind o disracing. And he classo her owing oral prinsurely hid a reasure o oned

wonders ha Mikhail had yeo explore.

“’Indeed’ migh jus bemy mos overused word,” hesaid.

“Indeed? Wha’re you

some kind o nobleman?”“A man? Yes. Noble?Only occasionally.”




142

Some aggressive rap song played in he background

and he excruciaing drawl o every Gucci Mane syllable was made worse by an abrup lull in he conversaion. Hecould ell she was examining him. No wih any disdain,jus wih a mild sense o inquisiiveness.

“Back here,” Mikhail said, “I was seriously ready ograb your elbow and say somehing beore he DJ ucked

up my ow.”“Wha were you going o say?”Mikhail was once again urned in he oher direcion.

Jayson had apped him on he shoulder. He was wearingsome shi-eaing grin on his ace and i was classic. Mikhail

wondered wha kind o ass Jayson had rubbed up agains or

how badly some shirless asshole ae i while rying somedance move ou o his league bu Jayson’s smile quickly urned sour. His eyes shadowed ino solemn. In his shoul-ders, he boyish lus ha Mikhail had anicipaed quickly

presened isel as a very adul apology. Ta’s when Kaya peaked ou over one o hose shoulders. Mikhail had o

excuse himsel rom his conversaion wih Bridge.



aya le her riends on

he Brown BWN. Her girlsconinued on he bus o he #720,

bu she jus waned o go home.

She walked hrough he ranser

pod’s auomaic doors and walked

along Litle Recangle’s sleepy sree

o her aparmen. Te roue wasimmaculaely well kep, especially in

comparison o he oher lines in is

price range. Faux-brick dominaed

mos o he inerior’s oor and during

he day i busled wih oo rac

going o he suburban bus’s quaincorner sores or cheerul ranser

saions. Like many ohers, Kaya

wen jogging in he mornings; he

BONUS CHAPTER(( a walk in the dark ))

K



brigh hea lighs rom above were

ho on her skin and she imagined i

was he close hing o he myhicalsun rom ancien lore ha she would

ever eel. Bu as he nigh moved

urher and urher rom he day-

hours, he lighs dimmed, perhaps

o save energy or maybe o provide

an illusion o whaever he “ouside” was supposed o be. Kaya had never

seen i as dark as i was as she le he

ranser and began her walk home.

She had drank a ew glasses o

wine wih he girls and wha normally

gave her he warm comor o home,quickly grew ino an unconrollable

paranoia. She ook ou her cell phone

and decided o call Mikhail. I’d

make her eel beter o hear a amiliar

voice. She was eeling good abou

heir rediscovered relaionship, himjus coming o his senses already, and

heir second beginning was eeling

like somehing she could rus. He



would be dieren his ime. Te

phone rang once beore cuting o,

her screen smiling a her ainer andainer beore i wen black.

Kaya picked up her pace and

ried o resar her phone. I wouldn’

budge. Te batery was dead. I was

a 10 minue walk o her aparmen

and she old hersel ha she coulddo i alone. She pu her cell back in

her purse and ucked he leaher bag

igh beneah her armpi. I was only

10 minues. A all hours, even hese

ungodly lae ones, women did i

wihou problem, all he ime. I wasonly 10 minues o ge home.

She el alone in he erminal.

Tere were no lighs peaking ou

rom he aparmen windows ha

aced he main corridor, none o he

pedesrian busle she was used o,

no one a all was in sigh. Her seps

uriously echoed. Te click o her

heels bounced back rom he ceiling,

sarling her wih each vicious



reurn. She kep urning her head

rom side o side, checking beyond he

bends o her peripheral vision wiha desperae need o see everyhing

around her. Te nooks and crannies

and gaps beween buildings, he

same ones ha she always said were

so charming and vinage-eeling,

now possessed unknown dangers, waiing and lurking o atack her a

her weakes.

Shi. I probably look scared.

Looking around like a ‘fraidy-ca,

sprining home , Kaya hough,

ha’s no good . She calmed her breahing, sraighened her posure

o is bigges and baddes pinnacle,

and slowed her seps o a purposeul

and confden jaun. Ta’s a beter

presenaion. Jus say aler and

prepared, bu looking scared doesn’ help me. Bad guys are like dogs,

righ? Tey smell fear. OK, I’m no

scared...I’m no scared...of bad boys

or big dogs.



Kaya was errifed. Beween

he words o her very own pep-alk,

images o being raped pillaged hermind. She saw hersel being pushed

o he ground rom behind and

orced o urn ono her back. Her

shir was orn a is seams and he

imaginary hairy hands ha groped

beneah her bra burned her skin in

acualiy. Her skir would be hiked

up and her panies ripped o. Her

nose was bleeding rom is impac

on he ake bricks and no mater

how hard she kicked, punched, spi

and bi, here was nohing she could

do, no way o remove he mass o

man on op o her unbuckling his

pans. Ten, wo more shadows

would sep ou o he darkness and

she would see heir oohless smiles

and he ain sparkle o drool in he

dying ligh, as she was absoluely

helpless.



Her pace had quickened again.

Someone screamed behind her. I

sounded like i came rom above,rom one o he aparmens ha

lined he corridor, bu she couldn’

be sure. She couldn’ sop hersel

rom looking over her shoulder every

ew seconds, rom looking or signs

o danger behind every bush and inevery dark space. And here were

pleny o dark spaces.

Nearly a a run, she el he

splash o liquid agains her naked

legs. Why hadn’ she worn leggings

or panyhose or somehing o

proec her rom being raped? Te

liquid was red and hick. She slowed

jus enough o reach down and wipe

her shin, bu couldn’ bring hersel

o smell he sain on her fngerips.

I was all she could do o ge a closer

look in mid-sprin. I was warm. I

looked like blood. I mus’ve been



blood. Tere was no way ha i could

be anyhing else. A botle broke a

ew hundred yards behind her. Sheknew ha she had missed someone

lurking in he shadows and soon his

hairy hands would be scraching her

skin as he man gruned and smiled a

oohless smile. She sared o run.

Her hear pounded hroughher ches and she could eel ears

sreaming down her cheek. As as as

she was running, she wasn’ geting

anywhere. She looked behind her

and saw a man walking a a gingerly

pace. She hough she heard him whisle. Her sileto heel sruck a

hole in he oor and suck. I wised

her ankle and hrew her body o he

ground, ripping her oo rom her

shoe. Her hands scraped across he

plasic brickwork and Kaya couldeel hem saring o bleed. On he

ground, she looked behind her o see

he man rushing up.



“Are you OK, ma’am?’ He asked

loudly, sill a some disance. “Don’

move, did you hur yoursel?”Kaya kicked o her oher heel

and sood up, by now in ull sobs.

She gahered her purse, no worried

abou he conens ha had sprayed

ou during her all. Maybe she

screamed somehing back a him, probably somehing abou “saying

he uck away,” bu she couldn’

hear anyhing excep he pounding

o her hear. I rushed blood o he

scrapes on her hand while her brain

pumped adrenaline o her legs. Teexerion, he sobs, he error, hey

were all making i hard o breah. She

could eel he onslaugh o an ashma

atack.

A ull sprin, bareoo and barely

breahing, she looked back again.Kaya had gained some buer in ron

o he man, who was jus now passing

her $200 shoes and he ormer insides



o her purse. Panicked and paning,

she fnally reached he sairs o her

aparmen building. A he door,she dug uriously hrough her purse.

She couldn’ fnd her keys. Te man

go closer and closer.

Fuck. I dropped hem. Fuck.

Fuck . She kep digging, every

pocke, every crease. Fuck. I have o go back. I have o call someone . She

couldn’ call anyone, her batery

was dead and Kaya el like she was

abou o join i. Te man was now 20

ee away rom her.

“I’m no going o hur you,” hesaid. “Relax. Are you okay, ma’am?”

Kaya was suddenly aware o

he blood ha was everywhere.

Who knew whose was on her legs,

bu hers was everywhere else. I

was in and on her purse, on herarms, her shir, her jacke...Shi, my

jacke...my keys are in my jacke...



in he pocke . Kaya grabbed he

keys rom her jacke pocke, bu her

shaking hands dropped hem o hesoop a her shoeless ee.

As she ducked down o pick

hem up, she pu he keys beween

he webs o her fngers, clenching

hem ighly in a brass knuckled

ball o poined ury. Bu he manmade a righ urn and wen down

a igh o sairs ino he aparmen

nex door. Convinced his was a

ploy, she didn’ relax, uriously

urning hrough her keys. Why do

I have so many fuckin’ keys, here! Here i is! She opened up he door

and slammed i shu behind her.

She sprined up he wo ighs o

sairs, readying her aparmen key

as she skipped wo, someimes

hree seps a a ime. She couldeel he sairs pound on her naked

soles. Kaya opened ha door and



locked all hree locks behind her,

beore running around o urn on

every ligh in he small sudio shecalled home.

Once she opened up boh

closes and he shower curain, wih

a knie rom he kichen in hand,

Kaya sared o calm hersel down.

She was fnally alone. She lookedin he bahroom mirror ino a ace

sreaked wih blood. She washed

her hands and hen her ace. Te

scrapes on her hand weren’ ha

bad, a litle sore, bu nohing ha

would require siches. Sill crying,Kaya sa on he oor and unravelled

a handul o oile paper o wipe her

splatered legs. Te bloches on he

paper looked more purple hen he

blood she had jus rinsed rom he

upper par o her body. I smelledlike grape. I was juice.

Kaya sared he shower and

plugged in her phone. urning i on,



she waied or i o reboo. Despie

he ime srech o he harrowing

ordeal she had jus escaped,imagined or no, he phone seemed

o ake orever. Once i came ino

service, she wached inenly or

he new messages o pop up. Tis

ook even longer. Surely Mikhail

would’ve called her back. I rangonce beore her batery died and

i mus’ve worried him. When her

phone fnally came ino service,

i revealed ha here were no new

messages. She called Mikhail, bu i

wen sraigh o voicemail, all hreeimes, beore she hopped ino he

shower o wash he grape juice rom

her legs and he ears rom her ace.



Kaya peaked around Jayson and smiled bashully beoresriking a weird pose in some joke o a gesure. Wheheri was inuiion or he knowledge ha he had ignored allhose calls aer breaking her hear or ha Kaya was jusha ransparen, Mikhail didn’ know, bu he cerainly knew ha his ex was ucking urious. Her surprise and subsequen

movemens were aggressive, even as anyone else would probably perceive hem as playul...Kaya was livid.“Buy me a drink,” she said.“Buy me a drink,” he said.“Someone, anyone, buy me a drink, “ Jayson said.

As unlikely as i was, Mikhail hoped ha Kaya would

disappear by he ime he go back rom he bar. He orderedeveryone’s avorie mixed drink—his wihou he mixer—and hrew all o his energy ino he easibiliy ha Kaya

would be gone by he ime he urned around. He ried o will a

CHAPTER ELEVEN(( confrontation @ anything ))

144



realiy where he’d have o drink her Smirno and cranberry—

wih a wis o lime—aer he nished his Jameson rocks.Painully, Kaya sill hovered around o bus his balls once heurned back owards he pary ha he didn’ even RSVP or.He handed hem heir respecive glasses and Mikhail drank mos o his, raher uriously, beore anyone could even hink abou oasing he occasion. One ell swoop and Mikhail was

le wih nohing bu ice. I was cold in his hand.“Lisen o his insaniy. So his guy a work who obviously

likes me dropped o a box a my desk. I kind o reaked meou because, well, he’s a litle creepy and migh be salking me,so I wasn’ oo anxious o check i ou,” Kaya said. Mikhail wasreading all he pomp and circumsance in each o her words

and beween every line, no mater how hard he ried o ignoreher real meaning. She sared deep ino his eyes while he lookeda he angry creases in her orehead. A pissed-o re burneddeep here, especially as i occasionally evaporaed ino aorced smile. “So, nally I open i and i’s nohing bu hardcandy. Gross, nasy, caviy-uprooing candy. I was sure he waslurking around somewhere, you know? I ouched every single

piece, looking or a so one, bu here wasn’ one ha wasn’rock hard. Bu he’s swee enough and kind o cue, so I ried a

145



piece, wha he hell, righ? Ten I hado chew on his non-malleable wad o

sugar, bu yeah, ha was my day.”“I’m sure you go i malleable,”

Mikhail said “I’d be on i. You alwayshad srong jaw muscles.”

“I was wondering how long i’dake you o urn ino a shihead.”

“I’m jus making a joke, laugh alitle.”

“When did you urn ino such anasshole?”

“Whoa, whoa,” Jayson said.“My virgin ears can’ ake all he

obsceniies.”“Jus because you’re no geting

laid, Jayson, doesn’ mean ha yourears are virgin.”

“Damn, Kaya, ha’s a low blow,” Mikhail said, wondering i he’d laugh

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had Chevy made he joke.“Leave his sex lie ou o

his. He jus doesn’ wan ohear us bicker.”

“Who’s bickering? Jusbecause I’m cursing doesn’mean his is some sor o gh. Are you rying o

make his ino some sor o gh?”

“Jesus, are you liseningo yoursel? Everyhing isso angry. You’re he one

by Brandn Perkins

who called me an ‘asshole’ and a ‘shihead’ while drinkinga vodka-cran ha I bough you,” Mikhail said. He urnedback o he bar and angrily ordered anoher drink, a double,wihou providing or anyone else’s hirs. Kaya rolled hereyes and sared alking quiely o Jayson. She secrely haedJayson while daing Mikhail, saying ha Mikhail could do

beter or a bes riend, bu here she was, grossly firingwih him, deep in a conversaion ull o LOLs, while Mikhailsewed and sipped a he bar. Bridge was sill here and shesubly leaned over o Mikhail.

147



“Ex-girlriend?” she whispered.He smiled, snapping ou o a emporary unk, and

nodded. He looked back o where Kaya and Jayson weresanding and immediaely caugh a splash o liquor and ice in

he ace. I sizzled on his cheeks like ermened carbonaion.I was ollowed up by he palm o Kaya’s hand, urning hisace o he side, back owards Bridge.

“Is his he skank you’re ucking now? Why don’ youjus li up her dress and uck her righ here on he bar, why don’ you do ha, huh? Jus be a man abou i or once, you

ucking coward.”“Who he uck are you calling a skank? You go drink on

my dress,” Bridge said. “I’ve ucked up lesser biches or a whole lo less.”

148



“How long you been ucking my man, you homewreckingslu? He pay you? You look like—”

“—enough, enough, jus chill he uck ou,” Mikhail said,sepping beween he girls beore hey could inch any closer.“Don’ be supid...”

“I his is he skinny skank you le me or, hen you’rehe supid one.”

“Ask yoursel, did you ase my pussy on him? He said you sucked him o no wo hours aer we ucked las week.”

Mikhail sared laughing. He couldn’ help himsel.Kaya had gone down on him exacly wice in all heirime ogeher and sopped shor o compleion on boh

149



occasions. She said i was demeaning, a sep back oreminism. Mikhail always el ha i was a srike agains

his masculiniy and jus anoher consrain on heirrelaionship. Nevermind ha he hadn’ so much as spokeno Kaya las week. Nevermind ha Bridge was suddenlysexier han ever.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’ pu his pale sack oskin on her fa ass,” Bridge said.

“Because she’s no mad a you,” Mikhail said, sill chucklinga litle bi. Te siuaion was urning absurd. “She haes meBesides, i’s oo early o ge kicked ou. Give me a minue...yougonna be around?”

“You’re no ha cue...bu whaever, you’ll have o be real

charming he nex ime around. Jus make sure ha pale bichain’ wih you.”“I’m gonna leave oo,” Jayson said, as Bridge walked

away. He lighly punched Mikhail in he arm. “Y’all are oomuch or me, man. I’m gonna go see a man abou a horse,or a squid abou a man, or anyhing else besides his. ake

care, Kaya.”“Why do you hae me?” Kaya said, giving no noice o he

sudden deparures. She was seehing, enveloped in jealousy


150



by Brandn Perkins

and abandonmen, and puting all her negaive energy inomaking sure ha Mikhail knew i. She embellished he look

and Mikhail cowered beneah i. Even in he bes o imes, i was a look ha he was amiliar wih. Someimes, when hey were happy, he atribued ha look and he accompanyingargumen o a combinaion o boredom and insecuriy. Oherimes, his hear ruly was asray and he probably deserved i.Bu his ime, he was jus plain gone and he really houghshe knew i by hen. “Why do I mean so litle o you?”

“Why do you need o break down everyhing ino his

151

se o exremes? Ino hisdissecion o my humaniy?Every missep I ever made

was armageddon wih you, even hough I always walked sraigh. I neversrayed rom he pah I

promised, we jus ran ouo road.”

“You pulled he rugrigh ou beneah my ee. You said you loved me. Youmade me believe in you.



by Brandn Perkins

153

misrus o all he rus I ried o build or us, he consanatenion and aecion you need, i nearly pushed me here.

You were so paranoid ha I was cheaing ha i made me eellike somehing was wrong because I wasn’. Bu I never evenkissed anoher girl, I sill haven’.”

“Excep he ime you kissed Saron in he break room.”“Sill? She was a

shawy I fired wihor a ew days over a year ago. And ha’s allmoo now anyway.”

“Jus a shawty? I I hear ha degrading

word one more ime, I will knock i righ rom your vocabulary.”

“I’s jus a word,Kaya, a simple word.” Her name el srange, using i inron o her. I’d aken on such an air o disain over he pas

ew weeks, bu he waned o nd he amiliar inonaionha hey were boh used o. Te syllables were caring andcalming, bu he pauses were all abou setling a dispue ina business-like manner. He ried i again. “Kaya...you can’



by Brandn Perkins

155

ghs where he was coninually submiting o her will. Yes,

hey were ogeher. Yes, hey were happily monogamous. Yes, heir love was innie. Yes, he waned o raise children wih her. Each escalaing declaraion o love hroughou hemonhs was a necessary rade or paciying an argumen.He didn’ realize i hen, bu he undersood i a ha very momen: He always swallowed his pride, lying o himsel

wih each gulp, jus o appease her. He loved her enougho do everyhing he could o avoid making her upse, bunever enough o commi o orever.

“Tis has never been simple,” he said. “Nohing abouus ever was. Simple is he ac ha I never cheaed on you.Never. Bu your lack o rus in me made me quesion my

rus in you. Men nd women atracive, even i hey’re in agood relaionship. You go mad when I said some movie sar

was kinda ho.”“You were always oo much o a wimp o admi anyhing

you really el. You’re a uckin’ coward. I could accep i i you were jus hones. Go ahead, admi ha you hink Briney

Spears is sexy. Admi ha you checked ou some slu in a dressas we shopped or me. Admi ha you cheaed on me wihha slu I almos knocked ou. Or ha you ucked Saron....



156

person, even when you’re ape-shi delusional. I here’s onehing I’m proud o, i’s ha I never cheaed on you. No materhow much you pushed me ino i. Par o me will always love

you and your complexiies.”

“You don’ love anyhing. You’re jus making yourseleel good by saying ha you loved my complexiies, bu Ineed, I deserve, o be nurured. Tere are 100 guys ou hereha would give me ha and you won’ give me anyhing.

Why do you hae me?”“Tis is he all-or-nohing bullshi ha I was alking

abou. Ta we were jus alking abou. I was consanly backed ino a corner,” Mikhail said, and or he rs ime, hecould eel his voice raising. “My only opions were o leave

i’d be beter i you

jus cheaed onme, hen I’d have arm reason o hae

your slimy gus.”“You know

beter. You know

she was ull o shi. You’re a ac-based



by Brandn Perkins

157

you all ogeher or ake our relaionship o he nex level.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, Kaya. Go ahead and nd 100 guys likeme, I dare you o push hem like you did me. And see who wouldn’ pop you righ in he ace or i.”

“So now you wan o hi me?”She said ha and Mikhail lisened. He only said i o

make a poin. He was posiive ha 85 o hose 100 guys

wouldn’ be able o pu up wih her or more han a monhand ha he oher 15 would ry o bea her ino submission.Tere was no way he’d ever hi her, he’d never hi anyonea all, and he knew ha he’d die wihou having puncheda woman. Insead, he looked beyond Kaya’s glowering,deep ino he screens o pornography ha decoraed he

walls o Anyhing. A woman wih angs and pure whie eyes was violenly blowing her parner, he camera held a hisPOV. Mikhail could only see he botom hal o he screen.Her angs delicaely nex o his sha and her eyes only occasionally coming ino Mikhail’s view. He ocused on herhands, as hey lovingly caressed her parner’s scalely legs.

Mikhail could never, in his wildes dreams, slap he beraingo Kaya’s ace. He didn’ say anyhing.

“You’re a pussy hen?”




158

“I never loved you. I don’ now and I never will,” he said.

He wiped he las o her drink rom his beard wih he back o his hand, ficking he remnans ono he ground.“I can’ alk o you like his.”“I should hope no,” he said. And hen everyhing

around hem calmed. Te music, always in he background,ound a soer cadence. Te fashing lighs dimmed and

paused. Te room silled and so did he one o heir voices.“o your credi, maybe his is he rs ime I’ve ever beenreal wih you.”

“So, i’s his?”“I is. I deniely is. Can you sop calling me now?”Kaya kissed him on he cheek, jus as she did aer

he broke up wih her he irs (and second) ime. Bu hisacion was more deiniive han eiher o hose. here

was a hesiaion in he moisure o her lips agains hisskin. She didn’ wan o lose ha momen and Mikhail

wasn’ sure i he waned o eiher. Kaya walked away andshe seemed coniden in her sway. Maybe even happy.

And maybe she inally was, and in he pas ense, hey deiniely once were.

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