Playing Grown-Up

Playing Grown-UpDiscussionPages 200-285Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather ONeillMr. Wilson - LMAC - 2012[The social workers] often got my file mixed up and thought that I had gone to juvenile detention for being a prostitute, All I had done was date a pimp. (202)Unwanted ChildrenAfter I was in detention, my regular high school didnt want me back. I was considered a system kid...That was just their policy and had nothing to do with me, (202)Funny! Pages 202-203The system kids at Bobo Academy were proud of being messed up. There was a hierarchy there and they were somehow at the top...Being manic depressive seemed to be regarded as romantic. (204)More Funniness! Page 204I didnt know how I felt about [Alphonse], but I did know that I wanted him to like me. (206)You belong to me, Alphonse had whispered...I knew what all the hubbub about commitment was. I wanted desperately to belong to someone. (207)

I looked in the cabinet mirror and told myself that it didnt matter. So I believed my reflection, since there was no one else telling me what to do. I filled the bathtub with hot water and the mirror became fogged up and I couldnt see myself in it anymore. (210)I was hurting Jules and Jules was hurting me...We were both just lonely drifters. (211)I could no longer be afraid of the things children were afraid of. (212)Childhood - AdulthoodAs usual, I felt guilty about having fantasized about that and I felt lousy for a few minutes. I lay there as if Id been shot. (213)After Alphonse noticed that I was beautiful, it seemed as if everybody else in the world noticed too. (214)I knew Alphonse was a pimp and that sooner or later I was going to have to turn a trick. For some reason it seemed like growing wisdom teeth. (215)Childhood - AdulthoodEventually everyone would fall one by one like stars dropping out of the sky...But during those first few days of delinquency theres nothing that ever tastes sweet like that most everyone still dazzled in my eyes. (216-7)Id noticed that Alphonse made it a point not to touch me in public. He would never do something like hold my hand. (218)There were no doves with their heads bitten off or chain saws in the car, so I guessed it was safe to get in. Suddenly I wanted to see what the consequences would be.( 219)It all seemed out of my hands somehow. It had to be done and money was money. (220)When I got back to my apartment building with the white bricks I stood there a bit, just looking at it. Nothing had changed. The universe looked exactly the same. (221)PinocchioSo what if a hand came out from under the bed a grabbed me? That would be nothing. (222)I often lied about my age to people. When I said my real age, they would laugh and tell me to get lost and go play soccer in the park. (224)Sadness fit me like blue jeans. Sadness fit me like a hangmans noose. It crawled on me like an electric blanket and it was hard to resist its warmth. (225)SimileI didnt know what to make of [Jules] doing drugs again. I wished I didnt know at all. I was so confused by things that nothing quite seemed real at that moment. (226)I didnt even feel like a prostitute. (227)

I felt like the Wicked Witch of the East lying under Dorothys house. I gave Alphonse all the money I made. Since I would have been scared to death to do it without him, I figured he deserved the money. (228)It seemed ridiculous that I couldnt get into a club after all the shit I was doing. (229)Childhood - AdulthoodYour little period of grace isnt going to last forever. (230)Pinocchio

Charles MansonI had never been singled out at school or anywhere else for any kind of achievement. I was happy. (231)

It was unusual to hear someone talk about their parents like that. Most of the kids I hung around with only mentioned their parents when they were telling anecdotes about mean or crazy things that they had done. (234)

I wished there was an easy way to get out of ever seeing Alphonse again. (239)What could Jules do for me now? (240)When two people are thinking the same thing, it sends a charge through your whole body. My veins were telephone lines with people laughing and screaming through them. (242)MetaphorThe one single advantage of having a negligent parent was that you got to hang out and do what you wanted when you wanted. There was a very small period of glory when all the other children are jealous of you. (243)All teenagers start leading double lives anyhow; mine was just a little more extreme. (245)In stead of saving me, [Jules] had rejected me. If ha hadnt sent me to a center for rejected children, I wouldnt have become such good friends with Alphonse. (247)My dad advised me against having a boyfriend. .. He said that when your are in love with someone, you want to follow them to the bathroom. He said love just makes you pathetic. (250)Children make the best prostitutes because they re the most perfunctory about the whole encounter. The whole act is like a dare, like kissing a frog or something. (253)Alphonse was probably the only person in the world who was afraid of Jules. (254)Alphonse always gave me the coolest gifts The girls at my school were always jealous of it his gifts were way cooler than Xaviers. (256)Alphonse seemed to want to believe anything in the world other than the fact that I had a boyfriend. (258)Funny conversation pages 258-259I assumed that it was somehow impossible for either of them to occupy the same space at the same time. (260)Zo had been working on her fucked-up image a lot during the past year She was the most popular girl in our circle of juvenile delinquents. (265-6)

Hed start singing a Led Zeppelin song while we were making out.Unfortunately, [Alphonse] was the most dependable person in my life. (273)I felt extinguished, as though I was a fairy and a child stopped believing in me. (275)

Sometimes you would feel the staff putting their hand on you in the middle of the night, making sure that you were real and not a pile of clothes masquerading as a human. (278)The part of me that had been with Alphonse was fake. (279)I didnt like how she was looking at me. The way she looked at me made me feel naked. I felt as if I was stripping at detention all over again. (282)Some guardian angles did a terrible job. They were given work in the poor neighborhoods where none of the others wanted to go. Every delinquent kid had one of these miserable angels that made sure that they made the worst of every situationI had never felt my angel jump so quickly to work as when she heard the word heroin. I guess shed been waiting a while for someone to say it. (285)Thank You!