PlateItMAGAZINE

FOOD CULTURE CURATIONDecember 2013

NYC Street Scene: The New York Holiday Hustle Butterfly Bakeshop

10 IN THE KITCHEN

Chef Michael Toscano takes us behind the burner at Montemartre, and shares his family food traditions.

“My mom and dad are amazing cooks. They would prepare a blow out meal together every year.”

18 FILL IN THE BLANK

Allison Robicelli schools you in the art of fruitcake, and reveals her softer side (just kidding!).

“Although some may say that cupcakes are just a SILLY trend, I want every WHINY LITTLE SHEEP to know that you SCHMUCKS are WRONG.”

21 READ ME Holiday Bookshelf

Cookbooks make for great giving with a low re-gift rate. Plus, you stand to benefit from future dinner parties fueled by recipe inspiration that you only semi-selfishly provided.

Give epicureans good gift.

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DECEMBER /Holiday Issue

4 Editor’s Letter 5 Drink Me 7 Home Ec-ular Gastronomy10 In The Kitchen12 Eat Me17 The Centerfold18 Fill In The Blank22 Read Me24 Around The Web

CONTACT US:

PlateItMag.com Facebook.com/PlateIt @PlateItMag

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So who are we really? We are lusty gluttons with a lifetime membership to the clean plate club. We live to eat, so if our 401K’s look lean, it’s because we consume too much food and booze in general, and wholeheartedly plan to do it over and over again (our intestines are chock full of salary byproduct).

We’ve never met a pork product we didn’t fall hard for. We don’t ask for “dressing on the side,” and we are never embarrassed to take home leftovers (um, what else do you eat the morning after?).

We hope that the more you get to know us, the more you’ll love us. However, since this is still only a second date, we’ll start with the basics.

LOVE IT:Rachel – hot dogs Lesley – cheeseHATE IT: Rachel – chicken liver Lesley – green beansALCHOLIC ACHILLES HEEL: Rachel – Tito’s Vodka Lesley – It’s always the damn tequilaFAVORITE CONDIMENT: Rachel – Sir Kensington’s KetchupLesley – Horseradish, anything from Gold’s kosher white to wasabiFAVORITE KITCHEN TOOL: Rachel – a sharp knife, it does everything! Lesley – my butane torch, it burns everything!FAVORITE RESTAURANTS BEYOND OUR BACK DOOR: Rachel – La Condesa, foreign & domestic (austin); Pubbelly (Miami); Lesley – St. John (London); Envy (Amsterdam); Terra (napa valley)RESTAURANTS WE CAN’T WAIT TO TRY: Rachel – A’llonda; John Fraser’s Restaurant at The Standard (NYC)Lesley – Brooklyn Fare: the Manhattan edition; Tongue & Cheek (Miami); whatever Gabriel Kreuther does next.

We are thrilled that the holiday season is officially here; this end of year love fest is really just an excuse to indulge in binge eating (a non-contact sport that provides both emotional and physical gratification). Apart from the proverbial “everyone” insisting on resolutions, we suppose it is an appropriate time to reflect on life in general, but we are way too busy making our immediate holiday eating plans to worry about the future.

So, our resolutions are to enjoy the moment, savor every bite, drink too much, laugh too hard, dance all night and most importantly, to eat too much! A satisfying goal worthy of post New Year’s dieting.

Whether you are planning to serve up the holiday spirit at home (champagne you can actually afford, page 6) or are going out for Chinese food this Christmas (check out our visit to a new favorite, Han Dynasty, page 16), PlateIt Magazine has the holidays covered. Reinvent the fruitcake (Allison Robicelli will show you how, page 21) or egg nog (see our chemically enhanced recipe, page 8).

Last but most certainly not least, we wish all of our readers a very happy holiday season and a healthy and prosperous 2014! May all of your gastrowishes come true.

We are a small operation running on love, booze, and our last good meal...and you are always welcome at our table!

Lesley ElliottEditor-In-Chief

Rachel WaynbergCreative Director

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DRINK ME The Ins + Outs of BoozingWe love bartenders for their magical ability to transform the basic experience of drinking into ‘cocktailing,’ so if you are also a boozehound in search of the best, here’s where you’ll find it!

Booker and DaxEast Village, NYCLocated next door to the continually packed Momofuku Ssäm Bar, this softly lit cocktail den serves great snacks like kimchi deviled eggs and steamed pork buns. B&D also offers both hackleback and sturgeon varieties of American caviar with creative, not-quite traditional accouterments - brioche, yuzu crème fraiche, egg and fennel. However, the drinks menu is the draw here and seats open steadily throughout the night (the clientele destined for Ssäm moves in and out) making this a great stop by for an early or late night libation. what to drink: It’s a little embarrassing to say aloud, but the Pico Boo, a frothy cocktail including sherry, apple brandy, walnut bitters and egg white, felt winter right. We also love the Laurel and Hardy, a potent mash up of cognac, rye, fernet, Bénédictine herbal liquor, maraschino, and mole bitters. If you think you can handle it, the Pistol Peat starts with scotch, adds yellow chartreuse and a pinch of “hellfire bitters.” Later you can say that the devil made you do it.

The LeadbellyLower East Side, NYCThe Silkstone Group’s Fat Radish always seems to take the lead in press, but walk across the street and you’ll find a casual, happy place to grab a drink. Oysters are a focus, with a great $1 happy hour steal, but snacks like scotch

eggs and Peeky Toe crab toast (from the “Fat Radish To-Go” menu) also partner well with cocktails. This spot oozes intimate warmth, yet somehow manages to have an energetic neighborhood hipster vibe. It’s super casual, with an eclectic music line up (which can range from Hall & Oates to Etta James) and sometimes, they even have live jazz. what to drink: The wine list here is predominantly French, with a nice selection of whites and “bubbles” to accompany those oysters. The Cucumber Julep with vodka and mint is refreshing (although a bit summery) but The Lady Apple (above), with gin, vermouth, Velvet Falernum and apple bitters, is a surefire winner for weary winter drinkers.

Bourbon & BranchSan Fransisco, CAThis beloved San Fran speakeasy really was a

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Champagne You Can Actually Afford

Sharing one bottle between friends doesn’t really say celebration quite loudly enough, so here are five of our favorite French champagnes that you can count on for both taste and value.

It’s not that we don’t want to spring for the Krug, but sadly we can’t spring for a case of it. One day…until then:

Gosset “Brut Excellence” Champagne ($34.99)

La Caravelle Blanc De Blancs NV Champagne ($39.95)

Pierre Peters, Blanc de Blancs “Cuvée Réserve” Brut ($49.97)

Alfred Gratien Brut Classique ($65.99)

Lilbert-Fils Blanc de Blancs Brut Grand Cru Champagne NV ($69.99)

speakeasy; during prohibition it masqueraded as a cigar shop (the secret tunnels still exist, should you require a quick escape). Although Bourbon & Branch has been around since 2006, it’s still a hot spot. Without reservations you’ll be relegated to the Library, which we love, but the full menu isn’t available and it does tend to get crowded in there. They also educate on the art of drinking. B&B’s Beverage Academy hosts “hands-on cocktail classes.” Become your own mixologist.what to drink: Rare whiskeys attract attention so ordering a classic Manhattan or Sazerac works, but try to branch out…a recent seasonal version of their Whiskey Smash featured pumpkin syrup, and the bourbon based “Revolver” has a flaming orange rind! We also fell for The Naughty Sundress (don’t you always? Who wouldn’t?) with gin, sherry, elderflower liquor, basil eau de vie and peach bitters.

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HOME EC-ULAR GASTRONOMY

Holiday Edition

Molecular Gastronomy. It looks harder than it is. It sounds even harder than it looks.

Although it may seem tricky to navigate, the chemical revolution is upon us, and some very famous chefs are doing very interesting things with stuff you’ve never heard of before. Turns out that the shifting of one substance into something else entirely, at the molecular level, isn’t really as complicated as you may think. It’s about precise measurements, having the right kitchen equipment, and an abundance of imagination.

Get yourself a kitchen scale that measures out the tiniest gram of powder; buy or hack master a sous vide machine; you’ll need an immersion blender; a smoking gun; a dehydrator; a butane torch; a couple of large plastic syringes; you’ll also have to work with unfamiliar cooking ingredients like meat glue and methyl cellulose (all easily procurable on line).

The ultimate goal is to combine everything you already know about cooking and infuse it with a twenty first century, culinary manifest destiny. Seek out what’s new and expand your kitchen horizons.

Endgame = you’ll be the Walter White of food.

In this holiday edition, we’ve reinvented the recipe for egg nog, which is not entirely difficult to make, but now, it’s even easier! Forget whipping the whites into shape, just throw it all in a bag and give it a warm water bath. Layer the flavor with flash infused vanilla booze.

EQUIPMENT REQUIRED: sous vide machine + blender or immersion hand blender + digital kitchen scale + fine mesh strainer + ISI gourmet whip-plus or similar device + nitrogen cartridges (“cream chargers”) + gallon sized seal-able plastic bag

Note: Measurements below are listed in metric units when necessary and in the Americanized standard system whenever possible. We want to avoid a hostile takeover of your cooking comfort zone.

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CHOOSING THE BOOZEThe beauty of egg nog is that it can be tailored to meet your personal taste with regards to boozing it up. We chose to use rum for this recipe, but cognac and bourbon work too.

We do prefer a dark stranger with some experience; Ron Añejo Pampero Aniversario Reserva Exclusiva is a combination of rums aged between four and six years (ron añejo means “vintage rum,” so when shopping, just keep an eye out for that on any label). Our bottle traveled from Venezuela with a friend, but it’s readily available at liquor stores across the country.

EGG NOG(makes 4 cups)1 cup heavy cream3 cups whole milk1 vanilla bean12 whole cloves4 whole nutmeg1 teaspoon almond extract5 egg yolks1/2 cup sugar1 cup rum3.5 grams xanthan gum

Ground cinnamon and cinnamon sticks for garnish

Preheat a sous vide water bath to 160 degrees Fahrenheit.

Slice the vanilla bean down the center and using the blade of your knife, scrape out the interior seeds. Reserve the bean.

Add milk, cream, egg yolks, almond extract and vanilla bean scrapings to blender, mix on medium speed until combined and slightly frothy (about 1 minute). Add sugar and blend again until combined.

Add xanthan gum, and mix on high speed until slightly thickened (about 2 minutes).

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Pour the liquid into a gallon size plastic bag and add the whole nutmeg and cloves. Submerge the open bag very gently into the sous vide machine, allowing the extra air within the bag to escape.

Do not submerge the top of the bag into the water bath. Carefully seal the bag and drape the top over the rack in the sous vide outside the water (or you can attach to the side with binder or paper clips).

Do not try to use a standard vacuum sealer for this process.

Unless you have a chamber vacuum, the seal will not take. You’ll just suck out all of the liquid inside of the bag

and will have a mess to contend with!

Cook in the sous vide machine for 20 minutes. Prepare an ice bath.

Remove from the water bath and place into ice bath. Again, be careful not to submerge the top of the bag in your ice bath.

Once the eggnog has cooled, strain using a slotted spoon and discard the nutmeg and cloves (if you strain the entire liquid, you will lose too much of the vanilla).

Place the strained eggnog in the refrigerator for at least one hour to fully chill.

While the eggnog is chilling, combine 1 cup of rum and the reserved vanilla bean inside the gourmet whip-plus.

Seal the cap firmly and then screw in 1 nitrogen capsule.

Once the nitrogen has infused into the gourmet whip-plus, unscrew the capsule. Shake the gourmet whip-plus for 1 minute.

Holding the gourmet whip-plus upright, place a glass or mug over the nozzle and quickly ‘bleed’ the nitrogen fully.

Remove the top and strain the infused rum into a separate container with a mesh strainer.

To serve, combine 8 ounces of eggnog and 1 – 1 1/2 ounces of vanilla rum in a cocktail shaker. Mix gently to fully combine and pour into a glass.

Garnish with ground cinnamon and a cinnamon stick.

10 | December 2013

Michael ToscanoMontmartre, NYC December 3, 2013

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IN THE KITCHEN behind the culinary curtain

What are you making for Christmas dinner this year?

This year will be a little different, my wife’s due date was yesterday so we are expecting the baby to come at any moment. I will probably make Mexican food. Oxtail tamales, pancita de res (tripe soup), enchiladas and barbecoa de res.

Who was in charge of Christmas dinner when you were growing up?

My mom and dad are amazing cooks. They would prepare a blow out meal together every year.

Any special family food traditions?

My father’s grilled steak, fried whole fish and shrimp for pay per view boxing parties at the house. Every Monday, on my mother’s day off, she would make one of many of her many amazing mexican meals, caldo de pollo, tostadas, enchiladas...Most Sundays for breakfast my father would drive all the way across town to Gerardo’s restaurant to get barbacoa (picked meat from a cow’s head) and we would eat it with my mother’s homemade flour tortillas, guacamole and lime. Amazing!

Your favorite holiday food?

Panettone! After I finally tried high quality panettone imported from Italy, I can’t get enough.

What about your least favorite holiday food?

Glazed ham, just not into it. I have never understood how people can eat that instead of turkey. I can put it on a sandwich, but not as a stand alone protein.

What do you hope will be under the tree this year?

An Arcobaleno pasta extruder.

The glossy on-screen life of a chef doesn’t exactly capture the actual turmoil of living with the desire to make a restaurant succeed. Very rarely do we get a glimpse of what happens in the kitchen; hours standing in blazing hot conditions, menu and margin planning, purveying, staff training. Before they become recognizable names in the industry, they opened first restaurants, made mistakes, made sacrifices, celebrated success and on occasion, encountered failure.

Michael Toscano opened Perla in 2012 with restaurateur Gabe Stulman, earning two stars from The New York Times. He was nominated as a James Beard “Rising Star Chef Of The Year” and nabbed Star Chefs 2013 “New York Rising Stars” award.

He has now taken the helm as executive chef and partner at Montmartre, another gem in Stulman’s Little Wisco empire. We asked him for the holiday lowdown and snuck into the kitchen to capture a moment during his busy dinner service.

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EAT ME The Ins + Outs of Consumption

We eat out quite a lot, with both fervor and intent. And our plan is cover anything and everything worthy, from sea to shining sea. We will be leaning towards cover-age of the NYC dining scene, both because this where we are based, and because we feel the big city sets the pace for the rest of the country. That said, if there is a fantastic restaurant in the middle of nowhere that you need to know about, we will write about it.

New restaurants, old favorites...whatever is on our plate will hopefully come to be on your future eating agenda.

Mission Cantina Lower East Side, NYC“Scallop and beef heart ceviche?” “I think we have to try it.”“I don’t know, it just sounds so…”“Off?”“Well, ya.” We know we have to order it. We have to understand what raw scallop and beef heart could possibly be doing on the same plate. We voice our concerns but our server assures with confidence, “it’s wonderful, one of my favorites.”

Thus we embark on an unexpected food journey that begins and ends at the intersection of weird and Mexican. Danny Bowien is becoming a Jekyll and Hyde of the kitchen with food that alarms and attracts at the same time. First, he puts liver and salt cod in our fried rice, and burns our taste buds with unforeseen ingredient combinations at Mission Chinese (currently experiencing ‘health’ related issues). Despite the sweat dribbling down, we kept coming back for more. Now Bowien challenges diners to once again expect the unexpected from

menu offerings at his newest venture, Mission Cantina. Of course, we’re in. We can’t resist a man with a flair for unpredictable eats.

If you close your eyes, you’ll be unable to distinguish the scallop from the beef heart. Strangely enough, after being treated to a citrus bath, they develop a similar texture.

HOKKAIDO SCALLOP & BEEF HEART CEVICHE

Skinny slices of jalapeño peppers add kick; capers and olives scattered amidst small cubes of heart tartare offer a nice, briny surprise. Raw scallops blanket the top, a

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slippery mix providing a damn good bite both together and apart. We are both shocked and relieved.

Creamy scrambled eggs are treated to a first class upgrade with hominy, rounded mounds of urchin SCRAMBLED EGGS WITH URCHIN & ROE

and a generous helping of trout roe, glistening beads beckoning.

Chicken wings are first fried, and then tossed with a heavenly coating known officially as “mole spices.” Seasoning after the fact keeps the tastes of coffee, cumin, and cinnamon fresh and vibrant, highlighting the flavors rather than diluting them beneath burnt oiliness. There’s a pinch of sugar in there for sweetness too, making these the wings we didn’t even know we were dreaming of eating. White puddles of crema, reddened by translucent drippings of chili oil, melt into the surface of the warm chicken skin. Sesame seeds can be licked off your fingers as you eat; don’t even try to use anything but your hands.

On the other hand, quite literally, we had taco trouble. It proved impossible to use our fingers alone to manage the overflow of juicy

meats suffocating our tortillas. So we started by aiming forks at chunks of beef tongue, rotisserie pork belly with juicy fermented pineapple (the “al pastor”) and grilled brisket with bacon (the “alambres”).

Don’t follow our lead, BIG mistake. There’s a lot of sauce on these singular sensations, rendering the taco sheaths soggy pretty quickly. You’ll need to immediately jump on it or you may wind up a victim of torn taco syndrome, a tortilla tragedy. Several of ours split down the middle leaving us with a tasty mess to contend with (though we did manage).

The lamb belly tacos, fragrant with the scent of coriander truly benefits best from the tang of crema, charred meat edges give good crisp; this one really made us want seconds (and

CHICKEN WINGS

thirds). Crispy tripe partners up with plump little mussels, a creative meeting of opposite minds and another darling among the taco

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ALAMBRES, CRISPY BEEF TRIPE & LAMB BELLY TACOS

contenders. Chicken wings and braised octopus tacos are slathered in a delicious onion relish. It’s all eccentric and irresistible.

At the moment there are no desserts in the house, and Mission Cantina does suffer from

a lack of high octane booze (they have a beer and wine license only); but the sangria, horchata and the Lil’ Luche, “our version of a margarita,” (made with soju, LIL’ LUCE

pineapple and yuzu) are all sweetly satisfying for consumption before, during and after dinner. There’s no endless beer and wine list, but Modelo is always a safe bet, so it’s all good on that front.

The space will not exactly invite lingering, this is a vibe built for simple hipsters and those in search of good eats without major ambiance. It’s bluish, no, it’s purplish, no, it’s red-esque, what is the lighting scheme in here doing exactly? It’s sort of like being inside a piñata patterned after a seventies pinball machine.

If the current onslaught of traffic begging for the chance to nab a table is any indicator, this mission is successfully converting the masses. Prepare to be evangelized.

Where Else We’re Eating...

Wurstküche Los Angeles, CAWe are desperate to open a hipster beer hall of our very own, but until then, our dreams will be filled with luscious sausages from this low-key downtown spot. There are classics

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BRATWURST & FRITES

here like bratwurst, bockwurst and kielbasa, as well as more exotic offerings like rattlesnake and rabbit sausage with jalapeño peppers. Lengthy communal tables create an atmosphere of eating and drinking camaraderie.what to eat: For the only slightly less adventurous, perhaps pheasant with herbs de Provence? Or duck and bacon sausage? You choose whether spicy or sweet peppers do it for you, and whether you require kraut and caramelized onions; they construct the perfect sausage on a fluffy warm bun. Thick cut Belgian frites have their own menu of dedicated sauces, from buttermilk ranch to chipotle aioli to tzatziki. Although, when the salt dust had settled, everyone at our table fought over the remnants of blue cheese, walnut and bacon mayo; it was true infatuation. Belgian and German beers are

on tap and there are some heady imports from around the globe (both familiar and unfamiliar, encouraging beer exploration and swapping - insert applause here).

BetonyMidtown, NYCLook up. Are those angels? Warriors? Nymphs? Cherubs attempting to send an arrow through your heart? It’s all very Italianate up there (a holdover from the previous venture) and that initially throws us a little, because Executive Chef Bryce Shuman’s food at Betony is decidedly un-baroque. Modern American actually, although some of it is just a bit precious, like the ceiling. what to eat: Ask for a description of how they make the uniquely clarified “Betony Milk Punch,” then just choose a booze and go with it. The definition of what constitutes ‘bar snacks’ here has to be seen to be believed; order the tempura style fried pickles with a tangy pistachio yogurt sauce, and the beef

BEEF TONGUE

tongue wrapped around skinny sticks of pumpernickel. They are delicate, minuscule…beautiful. A must is the inventive chicken liver mousse, a parsley and schmaltz surrounded

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CHICKEN LIVER MOUSSE

snowball of extremely rich proportions. There may be mixed emotions on the short ribs, which spend two days bobbing in sous vide conditions. It meltifies the meat, glorious globules of fat sinking into your tongue like marrow would, but it also renders the entire texture of the protein itself unusually soft. For the record, we truly loved it, but someone next to us was afraid of it (the sous vide process delivers a rib that appears very rare, FYI).

Han DynastyEast Village, NYCChefs and critics alike applaud the original in Philly for its authentic and delicious take on Chinese Sichuan cuisine, and Han Chiang’s NYC outpost proves that the hype is totally earned. Old school signage out front prepares you for pedestrian decor; the walls are yellow, the chopsticks are red and the oil paintings are super cheesy (but it’s clean, it’s cheap, and we

feel very much at home here). We love that the menu helps to protect you from spice overkill with a rating system representing the heat level from one to ten.what to eat: Wontons in chili oil embody the goldilocks principle; the wrappers are neither too thick nor too sticky, but just soft and firm enough. Spring rolls somehow escape the grease factor, and are best dressed with a thick layer of duck sauce and Chinese mustard. The uber spicy Dan Dan noodles are a favorite, as are the sesame noodles,

which pack a nutty punch. Dry pepper chicken wings are doused with chilies and freshly fried, making the bird beyond moist and juicy. Entrées allow you to choose a protein ranging from lamb to shrimp to rabbit. Feel free to adjust the spice on the Dry Pot, but the lovely manager (who is also Han’s niece) suggested we try it as sold, at the hottest level (ten). Although your mouth will be numb and on fire simultaneously, the sauce it swims in is amazing. A sizzling mini wok arrives loaded with black mushrooms, bamboo shoots, bell peppers, and Sichuan peppercorns. This is what you always wish your Chinese food would taste like but never does.

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THE CENTERFOLD you know you want a piece

The Doughnut Plant beguiles with sweetly sublime sinkers, and while yeasty classics (filled with seductive combos like peanut butter and banana cream) are tempting, that’s really just icing on the “cake.” Fried dough soaks up the voluptuous layering of sticky glaze, a batter based spongy core means you’ll want to get to know these babies better, both inside and out. From wild blueberry to tres leche, we love the cake doughnut, a bakery beauty of epic proportions.

We have fallen harder than ever for a certain holiday darling by the name of Marzipan, superlatively laden with a heavy almond aura; man made, or heaven sent? This doughnut must have fallen from above, cuz it tastes like an angel baked it. Us: What are your biggest turn ons?

The Centerfold: “Cappucino, espresso, warm spiked cider, chai, [medicinal] marajuana.”

Us: What are your biggest turns offs?

The Centerfold: “Orange juice, napkins...just lick me off your fingers, I taste good to the last crumb.”

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FILL IN THE BLANK mad for cupcakes

ALLISON & MATT ROBICELLI at their new bakery in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.

Allison and Matt Robicelli are as committed to their relationship with baked goods as they are to each other. They recently published the grown up’s guide to everything cupcake, featuring amazing recipes grouped by, ahem, unique themes, such as “A Love Letter to Christopher Guest” (The Laurenzano, Pecan Potato Chip) and to “Compromise,” (Chicken n’ Waffles). Robicelli’s: A Love Story, With Cupcakes, will feed your sweet tooth with “Emergency Cake” and your funny bone with the humor we have come to expect from this husband and wife team.

A holiday present for the gastro-unwrapping, your fruitcake nightmare ends here. We’ve nabbed the recipe for the Robicelli’s cupcake version of the classic, sans tin.

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Today I woke up cold and scared, because of a very, very super serious dream, where cupcakes were trying to asphyxiate me, and although I know that I love baked goods and that they love me back, I felt moist and itchy. My husband laughed when I told him, “whatchu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?”; he made fun of me and told me to get my ass up, feed our sons Brooklyn’s finest artisanal porridge for breakfast, and hightail it to our quite lovely new bakery.

On my way over, I check in on Twitter and see that Jeffrey Steingarten is at it again, snarking about Dee’s Nuts. I social media the hell out of Dee’s Nuts, making certain that Mr. Fancy Pants “too good for Dee’s Nuts’ Steingarten knows who is boss. A tourist stops me on the street and asks me for a restaurant where he can see real Mafiosos. I give him a forty minute lecture on the importance of the Italian-American community in American history and debunk most of our cultural stereotypes, all the while cursing a lot and making wild hand gestures, then tell him that he’s in Bay Ridge, not Oz.

When I finally arrive, the cashier I hired seems hungover, he is wearing a Guy Fieri trucker hat on his head and has pudding all over his jeans. When our new cash register finally arrives, I ask him to help, but he and Matt are too busy eating the pudding. The first credit card customer appears delighted that plastic is now accepted, he winks and gropes himself; a newfangled hipster way of saying thank you I guess.

I want to make ten billion different kinds of delicious holiday treats, but getting a new business up and running is hard and exhausting, and right now I can’t even find the time to write down our ideas. We are making bouche de noel’s in chocolate peanut butter preztel, N’awlins praline, lemon meringue and mint chocolate chip, as well as other holiday classics like chocolate cream pie and cranberry gingerbread layer cake (only we will be making them bigger, faster and stronger than everybody else).

Although some may say that cupcakes are just a silly trend, I want every whiny little sheep to know that you schmucks are wrong. Cake is here to stay people, and so is portion control, thus the best of both horses because sweet, sweet buttercream is good for your heart and your ass.

In 2013, I was grateful for our kids and my incredible and still perky rack, but in 2014, I am all about the money and looking forward to selling out hard and sleeping on a mountain of sweet, sweet cash. Matt tells me I’m still hot for about another 3 or 4 years.

Happy fucking Holidays, Bitches.

XOXO, Allison Robicelli

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If you are disgusted by the mere mention of fruitcake, you obviously have no idea what fruitcake is actually supposed to be. At my first catering job, one of my first tasks was to make the holiday fruitcake. My chef taught me to make it the old-fashioned way, the way it was made for hundreds of years before it became an industrialized mess filled with glacéed technicolor cherries and various colored “fruits” of unknown origin. They called it the Three Wise Men Cake.

First, we went to a Middle

Eastern import store and bought bags of the best dried figs, dates, currants, cherries, apricots, and raisins money could buy. We chopped them up with plenty of roasted nuts, folded them into cake batter, baked them into loaves, and wrapped them in cheesecloth. Then we put them in the closet where they would be aged for three months with the “three wise men”: Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, and Jim Beam. Each week until Christmas, the cakes would get a healthy dousing of each. By the time they were ready to be served,

those six loaf cakes had collectively absorbed a fifth of each. The only way to serve the cake without rendering someone unconscious was in a 1 x 1-inch cube, and even then that person would have to sit down after eating one.

How people have managed to downgrade what was pretty much the most awesome cake ever into those sad, bricklike monstrosities that are packed into cans and that no one loves, I’ll never understand.

Matt and I have done our best to try to show people what fruitcake is really supposed to taste like, but it’s by far our hardest sell. Once people finally taste it, they’re hooked. We cook our alcohol off, but feel free to go full strength if you’re hoping to throw a Christmas party that involves nudity.

Matt says: You canuse whatever dried fruits you’re particularly fond of — figs, dates, cherries, cranberries,currants, apricots, plums,golden raisins, blueberries. Same goes for booze — this is up to your personal preference. Some like dark rum, some like Scotch, some like bourbon — we’re traditionalists and like brandy. Use one or a mix of a few, entirely up to you.

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Fruitcake Cupcakes

3 cups assorted high-quality dried fruits, finely chopped1 cup brandy1 cup dark rum2 cups hot water2 cups all-purpose flour1 pound (4 sticks) unsalted butter, softened1 cup brown sugar1 teaspoon ground cinnamon1 teaspoon kosher salt4 large eggs1 cup molasses1 teaspoon baking powder1/2 cup milk1 cup chopped walnuts2 teaspoons vanilla extractCandied kumquats1/4 cup pomegranate seeds7 dried figs, rehydrated and quartered (or dried fruit of your choice)1/4 cup walnuts, roasted and chopped

Cut the kumquats in half and remove as many seeds as possible. The seeds are edible, so don’t worry if you miss a few. Place the sugar and water in a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Add the kumquats, reduce the heat to low, cover, and simmer for 20 minutes. Remove the

kumquats from the syrup and set aside. Increase the heat to high and reduce the syrup until thick, about 4 minutes. Pour the syrup over the kumquats, mix, and set aside to cool. Place the dried fruits, brandy, ½ cup of the rum, and the hot water in a bowl and let sit for 24 hours. Drain and toss with 1 cup of the flour.

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line cupcake pans with 24 baking cups.

In a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, cream together the butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt on medium-high speed until light and fluffy. Scrape the sides of the bowl and cream for a few seconds more. Add the eggs and molasses and mix on medium for 30 seconds.

Sift together the remaining 1 cup flour and the baking powder. With the mixer on low, alternate adding the flour mixture and milk. Fold in the fruit mixture and chopped walnuts.

Scoop the batter into the prepared baking cups, filling them three quarters of the way. Bake in the middle of

the oven for 20 to 25 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through. The cupcakes are done when the centers spring back when you touch them. Remove the cupcakes from the oven. While the cupcakes are still hot, brush the tops with some of the remaining ½ cup rum. Set aside to cool. Brush with rum one more time before frosting.

American Buttercream:

3 sticks unsalted butter8 oz mascarpone cheese2 cups 10x powdered sugar1/4 cup heavy cream

Cream together the butter and mascarpone cheese with a mixer set to “high” until light and fluffy. Add powdered sugar a 1/4 cup at a time, beating well between each addition. Add heavy cream. Continue to beat on high for an additional minute to incorporate air.

To assemble, fill a pastry bag fitted with a fluted tip with the buttercream and pipe onto each cupcake. Decorate the tops with candied kumquats, pomegranate seeds, dried fruits, and walnuts.

ROBICELLI’S: A Love Story, with Cupcakes…with 50 Decidedly Grown-up Recipes. Adapted and reprinted by arrangement with VIKING STUDIO, a member of Penguin Group (USA) LLC, A Penguin Random House Company. Copyright © ALLISON ROBICELLI and MATT ROBICELLI, 2013.

22 | December 2013

READ ME gift giving BookshelfCookbooks make for great giving with a low re-gift rate. Plus, you stand to benefit from future dinner parties fueled by recipe inspiration that you only semi-selfishly provided. Here’s is our recommended wish list, certain to give epicureans good gift.

Daniel Humm and Will Guidara are in love…with New York. This cookbook explores the historical background of culinary heritage in the area, and highlights the local ingredient driven philosophy that has earned their restaurant, Eleven Madison Park, those coveted Michelin stars. As chef and general manager, they redefined fine dining inertia in Manhattan. I Love New York: Ingredients and Recipes, is the perfect gift for all fans of the big city food scene.

The Complete Nose to Tail is a combo pack of Fergus Henderson’s acclaimed cookbooks, Whole Beast and Beyond Nose to Tail, which

will school you in the value of eating everything on your plate. This is THE gift for adventurous gastronomers who want to broil bone marrow, confit pig’s cheek and deep fry calves’ brains in the comfort of their own

kitchens. Or just send this our way and let us know when you’re coming over for dinner.

The Photography of Modernist Cuisine is pure porn, so you won’t even have to pretend that you are reading it for the recipes. Supersized photos highlighting the amazing feats of food contained within the pages of Modernist Cuisine now take center stage. There are a few additional previously unpublished pics and spectacular images of inventions contained within “The Cooking Lab,” a kitchen for futuristic fantasies. Stunning color assaults the senses; a gorgeous book for art lovers as well.

In addition to classics like meatballs and pizza, Classico e Moderno: Essential Italian Cooking reveals the secrets of Michael White’s kitchen, including last month’s ‘Centerfold,’ his “fusilli with red wine-braised octopus and bone marrow” (made famous at NYC’s Marea). Beautiful still-life food photography competes with shots of the Italian countryside; a flawless cookbook choice for those looking to modernize the popular concept of Italian at

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home. There’s also an instructional section on technique, with basic building block recipes.

One of the Northern California coast’s most distinguished chefs, David Kinch, recently published an exquisite cookbook meets photo montage of earth and sea; telling the story of how his Los Gatos restaurant, Manresa, went above and beyond locavore. An Edible Reflection delves into his philosophy and offers detailed recipes that will challenge and delight even the most accomplished culinarian.

Celebrate every occasion with the perfect bubbly, and enable others to do so as well. The Champagne Guide 2014-2015 covers both smaller scale growers as well as famous powerhouses, with reviews and ratings on approximately four hundred different labels. Thirsty for more guidance? There are also tutorials on how to properly open the bottle and how to best store champagne.

Thomas Keller’s classic Bouchon cookbook is still one of our favorites, and to really impress,

invest in the box set that also includes The French Laundry Cookbook. The Complete Thomas Keller experience will keep bistro lovers happy and serve up

an education on how to replicate a three star restaurant at home.

Speaking of Keller, Brian Van Flandern is a cocktail conceiver whose recipes gained fame

during his tenure as the head mixologist for Per Se in NYC. Assouline’s Craft Cocktails presents an artsy version of bartending school, with beautiful photography that looks good enough to drink. Flandern provides easy to follow instructions; our favorite recipe? “Drink Responsibly,” (we almost always do).

The American Craft Beer Cookbook called upon pubs and craft brewers to amass this collection of recipes devoted to the too often downplayed art of pairing food with beer. Enthusiasts will also find booze infused snacks, like BBQ Meatballs cooked in Dopple Bock and Amber Ale Cheese Bread. They’ve included tidbits on various drinking establishments around the country; New Years resolution? Explore more dive bars.

Chefs adore the Mast brothers for their handmade small batch process, and Thomas Keller even wrote the foreword to Mast Brothers Chocolate: A Family Cookbook. Rick and Michael Mast have filled the pages with recipes highlighting the diversity of one of our most beloved ingredients. From traditional sweets like brownies, cookies, and chocolate milk…to a view of chocolate’s more savory side – Cocoa Nib Scallops, Cincinnati Chili or veal with chocolate cream sauce. You’ll also find tips on tempering chocolate and personal stories from the Mast family. Sugar high to follow.

24 | December 2013

AROUND THE WEB We give good internet

We cruise all day long, so you don’t have to. Instead, just check out our list of cyberspace faves, from online provisions to kitchen gadgets you’ll covet. The things we love we now pass along to you! For this holiday edition, we’ve created a gift wish list for web buyers.

We’ll also give a nod to the emerging power of self-sufficiency, highlighting the culinary company upstarts that we are currently following on crowdsourcing sites. Today’s bright idea is tomorrow’s coolest appliance, or cookbook, or restaurant success story…let’s support our peers! Power to the (food) people.

Tasting Room by Lot18They will send out a “wine tasting kit” with a sampling of bottles (50 ml each) for you try. Rate the wines based on preference, and receive a curated list of wines tailored to your personal taste. A mysterious patent-pending WinePrint™ technology allows for complete personalization. Quarterly deliveries means this gift really will keep on giving.

WindowfarmGrow your own food at home without any land, or seasonal restrictions. After two successful crowdsourcing campaigns, this Brooklyn based company has made a full scale business out of building small scale indoor vertical gardens. Give a “home hydroponic food growing system for apartment windows” that will make any fan of the locavore movement extremely happy; just grab a scissors and start cutting.

FusionbrandsWe love the products on this site dedicated to the art of practical design.

There are many inventions to inspire, from the FoodPod, a silicone basket that allows for easy steaming, boiling and blanching, to the FoodLoop, a trussing tool that can even withstand the flame of a grill. There are also a ton of great gift items that make for perfect stocking stuffers.

Murray’s CheeseNew Yorker’s know Murray’s is the best place in town to experience cheesemongering in its’ truest form. With their monthly clubs, you can send the gift of cheese and cured meat to everyone you love (then invite yourself over). Tasting notes and cheese history are provided, and orders placed for the holidays will begin to ship in January.

Russ & DaughtersSend the present of smoked fish, caviar and herring, the ideal New Year’s Day brunch. They’ve been “appetizing since 1914” and are now in the fourth generation of ownership. The “New York Brunch” package includes Nova, bagels, cream cheese and babka, but

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we also love the “American Caviar Sampler,” with 50 grams each of domestic Osetra, Paddlefish, and Hackleback. The real gift here is not having to “take a number” and wait for an hour.

SearzallThis is a super duper, hand-held “instant power broiler” that chars on contact and is highly portable. Originally invented to solve the conundrum of what to do post sous vide, it’s designed to work for anything from melting cheese on a burger to crisping the edges of foie gras. “Infra-red, radiant heat” eliminates torch taste. FYI - the fundraising is on now, but the company expects to ship in June of next year. Shoots and Roots BittersFeel less guilty about alcohol consumption with this line of bitters that focuses on the digestive and antioxidant benefits of herbs. A group of botanists based in Harlem bring you medicinal cures from around the world, easily shakable into your cocktail glass. Anticipated arrival is February, 2014.

Le Parker Meridien Hotel in Midtown presents their fourth annual, “Gingerbread Extravaganza,” with a lobby display that showcases iconic New York themes. Gracie Mansion, The Chrysler Building and Coney Island are all accounted for, but we’ve become obsessed with our cover cookie. Just in case you missed some of the amazing details created by Butterfly Bakeshop, we need you to see this close up, Metrocard and city street rat included.

On our INSIDE COVER, “The Morning After” photo includes the following pastries worth the holiday splurge:

La Maison du Macaron’s champagne, strawberry-thyme and raspberry macarons

Maison Kayser’s candied praline brioche

Cover Art