Six Styles of LoveSix Styles of LoveErosEros

LudusLudusStorgeStorgeManiaManiaAgapeAgape

PragmaPragma

Eros (erotic)—passionate, Eros (erotic)—passionate, romantic loveromantic love

Erotic lovers fall in love early in a relationshipErotic lovers fall in love early in a relationship Love is very intense and passionateLove is very intense and passionate The erotic lover wants to share everything with The erotic lover wants to share everything with

and know everything about the loved oneand know everything about the loved one The erotic lover thinks of his/her partner in an The erotic lover thinks of his/her partner in an

idealized manneridealized manner The erotic lover’s reaction to criticism from The erotic lover’s reaction to criticism from

his/her partner is one of hurt and intense painhis/her partner is one of hurt and intense pain The erotic lovers reaction to separation from The erotic lovers reaction to separation from

the partner is agony and despairthe partner is agony and despair

Ludus (ludic)—love as a Ludus (ludic)—love as a gamegame

Ludics have a very self-oriented approach to loveLudics have a very self-oriented approach to love Ludics minimize dependency and commitmentLudics minimize dependency and commitment They rarely or never become overly involved with They rarely or never become overly involved with

one partner and often have more than on partner at one partner and often have more than on partner at a timea time

They don’t reveal their true thoughts and feelings They don’t reveal their true thoughts and feelings to their partner, especially if they think they can to their partner, especially if they think they can gain some kind of advantage over their partnergain some kind of advantage over their partner

Usually want sex (plenty of it) for pleasureUsually want sex (plenty of it) for pleasure Reaction to criticism from the partner is Reaction to criticism from the partner is

indifferenceindifference Reaction to separation form the partner is Reaction to separation form the partner is

immediate replacementimmediate replacement

Storge (storgic)—love as Storge (storgic)—love as friendship or companionshipfriendship or companionship

Storge love develops slowlyStorge love develops slowly It grows out of mutual understanding, rapport, It grows out of mutual understanding, rapport,

respect, companionship, sharing, and concernrespect, companionship, sharing, and concern It is not characterized by high levels of ecstasy It is not characterized by high levels of ecstasy

and excitement (as is eros), but is a solid, and excitement (as is eros), but is a solid, stable, enduring lovestable, enduring love

Reaction to criticism from partner—give and Reaction to criticism from partner—give and take, compromise, constructive problem take, compromise, constructive problem solvingsolving

Reaction to separation—feelings of emptiness Reaction to separation—feelings of emptiness and lossand loss

Mania (manic)—is obsessive, Mania (manic)—is obsessive, jealous, and addictivejealous, and addictive

Manic lovers are obsessive, jealous, irrational, Manic lovers are obsessive, jealous, irrational, possessive, and consumed by thoughts of their possessive, and consumed by thoughts of their loverslovers

They need constant attention, affection, and They need constant attention, affection, and togethernesstogetherness

Love is very intenseLove is very intense They frequently put love to the test for the sake They frequently put love to the test for the sake

of reassuranceof reassurance Their reaction to criticism from partner—Their reaction to criticism from partner—

defensiveness, hypersensitivity, and sometimes defensiveness, hypersensitivity, and sometimes violenceviolence

Their reaction to separation—instant panicTheir reaction to separation—instant panic

Agage (agapic)—kind, unselfish Agage (agapic)—kind, unselfish lovelove

Agape love is altruisticAgape love is altruistic The agapic lover gets more pleasure from The agapic lover gets more pleasure from

giving in a relationship than from receivinggiving in a relationship than from receiving The apapic lover is very forgiving, patient, The apapic lover is very forgiving, patient,

understanding, loyal, and willing to make understanding, loyal, and willing to make sacrifices for his/her partnersacrifices for his/her partner

Their reaction to criticism form the partnerTheir reaction to criticism form the partner—willingness to change or compromise—willingness to change or compromise

Their reaction to separation from the Their reaction to separation from the partner—sense of loss and emptinesspartner—sense of loss and emptiness

Pragma—is a very pragmatic Pragma—is a very pragmatic or practical approach to loveor practical approach to love

It is very logical and realisticIt is very logical and realistic Pragmatic lovers are self-orientedPragmatic lovers are self-oriented Their reaction to criticism from the Their reaction to criticism from the

partner—defensive, analyticalpartner—defensive, analytical