THE ESSENTIAL

Referee Mindset

Awaken The Brilliant Referee Within

by Peter Papp

First Edition, 2013

3

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. FOREWORD 5

1.1. WHAT DID MOTIVATE ME TO WRITE THIS BOOK? 6

1.2. WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK 7

1.3. HOW TO USE THIS BOOK 8

1.4. WHAT WILL YOU LEARN? 10

2. MENTAL TRAITS OF AN EXCELLENT REFEREE 11

2.1. PERSONALITY 11

2.2. HOW WE WORK 14

2.3. WHAT SKILLS DO WE NEED TO HAVE? 17

3. CHALLENGES REFEREES FACE 19

3.1. CONTROL THE PROBLEMS YOU CAN CONTROL 19

3.2. WHY IT’S SO DIFFICULT TO SOLVE THESE PROBLEMS? 21

4. NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING 22

4.1. WHAT IS NLP? 22

4.2. WHAT’S DIFFERENT NOW? 23

5. AWAKEN THE BRILLIANT REFEREE WITHIN 25

5.1. THE BASIC MOTIVATION PATTERN 27

5.2. ENHANCE MOTIVATION AND BUILD PERSISTENCEERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.3. DEAL WITH STRESS ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.4. SET GOALS THAT WORK ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.5. ERECT CONFIDENCE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

4

5.6. GET FOCUSED ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.7. LEARN TO BUILD RAPPORT – CONFLICT MANAGEMENTERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.8. CONTROL YOUR ANGER ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.9. MODEL YOUR HERO ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.10. NEW BEHAVIOR GENERATOR ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.11. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT – THE AS-IF PATTERNERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.12. MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS – STATE INDUCTIONERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.13. MISTAKES INTO EXPERIENCE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.14. SELF ESTEEM QUICK FIX ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.15. BE OPEN FOR CRITICISM ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.16. PROCRASTINATE PROCRASTINATION – THE EXCUSE BLOW-

OUT PATTERN ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.17. BASIC BELIEF CHAINING ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5.18. FAST PHOBIA CURE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6. BUILD GOOD HABITSERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.1. MEDITATE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.2. LEARN THAT YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGHERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.3. FLEXIBLE MIND ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.4. STRENGTH TRAINING ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.5. GRATITUDE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.6. GET ENOUGH SLEEP ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.7. REPLACE OPINIONS WITH CURIOSITYERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.8. BREATHE ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.9. TREAT FAILURE AS A LEARNING OPPORTUNITYERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

6.10. TURN PROBLEMS INTO OPPORTUNITIESERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

7. WHAT’S NEXT? ERROR! BOOKMARK NOT DEFINED.

5

1. Foreword

Imagine yourself on the court. You referee the best game in your

life. Superstars occupy the court, and the crowd yells on the

stands. They are ready to do what it takes to support their

favorites, and you deal with the enormous pressure.

You are in the perfect state! You focus on one thing with

confidence; the Game. You make excellent calls, everything is

under control, the players and the coaches accept you and your

decisions. The crowd diminishes every time they see you are not

the one who bends under stress.

The game is fast and tough. The score doesn’t come untied for

long, and both teams fight their best to be the champion. There

are all kinds of difficult calls you can imagine. You truly have to

give your best here, and expect even the unexpected. But

everything ticks now!

Players hassle a lot, abuse each other, there are a lot of trash-

talk. The coaches live with the game, shouting and jumping all

around. There is even a fight starting that you manage with

quickness and sharp calls, calming down the players and have

them focus on the game. Finally fair play wins, and a buzzer

beater decides the war.

You are extremely exhausted - in the good way. Everybody

comes to you to and congratulates on the perfect game. Your

supervisors cannot say anything else but “thanks” for being with

6

you and your team tonight. There were some tiny errors, but they

aren’t worth to be mentioned.

Everything is perfect!

Pleasure shines on your face when you come off the court for

being acknowledged. Dopamine and endorphin releases in your

brain and you fly!

Do you like this scenario? Do you want to experience this game-

by-game?

Then this book is for you.

1.1. What Did Motivate Me To Write This Book?

I have been a basketball referee since 1997, my age of 17. I

passed my international referee exam back in 2006, and I have

been officiated many hard-hitting games both in the Hungarian

championship and abroad. Though, I hung my whistle for 3

years, I think I learned much more on refereeing while I was off.

For some other reasons, I began to study Neuro-Linguistic

Programming which has pretty much to teach you on

communication, rapport, influence, focus, and winning attitude,

some of the most important characteristics of an exceptional

referee.

I’m on my way, just like you, to reach the top. I only found it

worthwhile to share some of my knowledge and experience with

7

others who share my passion. I facilitate and encourage

conversation on the topic… but more on it later.

I am hungry for the game and I want to share the edge I gained

from self development with motivated referees like you. Part of

the reason I do this is to help you to be a better referee and most

importantly take pleasure in what you do. Besides, structuring

and writing about the topic is undoubtedly useful for me as well.

This book is primarily for referees. Though, I think coaches,

players, and any other participants of the game will also find

useful information on these pages. You will be able to understand

the mindset that makes you better in sports and gain some

insights with tips to use in order to excel in other areas of your

life.

1.2. Why I Wrote This Book

Being a top referee in any sports is an extreme challenge. You

need to be an exceptional person with great athletic abilities,

even if you sit in a chair all game long. You must show empathy,

be modest, and at the same time, you must be strict and effective

to make difficult people behave. You have to promote Fair Play.

Everything changes, but challenge is constant. You compete with

your fellow referees while you must cooperate with them. If you

don’t do it, the team, or the lack of team thereof, will ruin your

game, no matter how good referee you are.

8

These are only a few of the challenges we face every single

game and situation, and we need some guidelines to excel.

There are many resources on what makes a good referee, and

very few on how to do it.

My mission with this book is to give you the tools you can use to

stand out from the crowd.

1.3. How To Use This Book

I don’t say it’s enough to read this book.

In order to succeed, you better take whatever makes sense for

you and actually do it. That’s a different story. You can tell your

grandchildren great theories how big you could have been and

criticize your fellows, but that’s not how you will be happy,

balanced and successful. I encourage and help you to make

experiments with the exercises in this book. If you do so, I

guarantee that you will grow, and actually enjoy doing it.

I structured the book the following way to help you do the work.

In the next chapter, you can read about most of the psychological

traits of admirable referees. I draw a picture on the ideal you, and

you can get an idea about your targets. Feel free to take only the

traits you think are applicable and do your best on those areas. It

won’t work overnight, but applying the knowledge in later

chapters will put you in direction. I’m talking about personality

traits, work ethics and skills.

9

Next, I’m going to discuss some of the challenges we face. The

focus will be on the ones we can change, and why it is so difficult

to change them. Then, I briefly introduce the science behind the

resources, neuro-linguistic programming, in the fourth chapter.

I will show you how to build yourself up for the challenge. I will

talk about techniques that can be used in dozens of situations.

You don’t have to do them at the first read, you can always go

back and complete the exercises. Commit yourself to do them

only if they make sense to you.

I set up a challenge in the sixth where I give you the exact steps

you can take to strengthen your mind, and build habits that keep

you moving towards your goal, and be the best referee you can

be.

You may feel the urge to jump to the exercises and I invite you to

be patient and stay with me here. You can make much better

results going through the whole book than with only the

techniques; however, the exercises along with the habit make up

the core of this book.

Are you curious about how you will improve your daily life as well

as your games?

10

1.4. What Will You Learn?

You may be interested about what you will benefit from learning

this book. So, here they are. You will learn to:

• set achievable and aligned goals and reach them,

• motivate yourself even during difficult times,

• cure fears about making mistakes,

• understand participants better,

• get focused during the game,

• change your limiting beliefs,

• handle stress effectively,

• deal with conflicts easily,

• control your emotions,

• redeem self-esteem,

• deal with failures,

• learn fast,

• and build good habits that last.

Learn something every day, and accomplish your dreams.

They will push you to the relaxed state of perfect experience

while refereeing, constantly. I know it’s a great promise, so try

me! Challenge me and let me know where you need more help at

refereemindset.com.

11

2. Mental Traits of an Excellent Referee

I tried to collect most of the important mental characteristic of a

top official in order to help you with areas you want to develop.

Change doesn’t occur overnight. It goes step-by-step, until you

retire. Nobody is perfect, so I don’t aim for perfection. I want to

achieve and enjoy the process. Here are some of the areas

where you can do it, too.

2.1. Personality

Passion

I can’t tell you how important it is. Being a referee is a tough job.

You are away from your family a lot, you are cursed all the time,

and people will remember your failures more than your

successes. You need a great deal of passion to be able to do it.

Integrity

Without being spotless, you are out. No sportsman will take you

seriously. They may fear you, but as long as you hang your

whistle, the rumors will kill your reputation. This one is so

expensive, no money can buy! Be honest and fair at all times.

Curiosity

If you read this, that one is surely yours, and it’s a good

foundation. Indifference is the enemy of achievement. You need

a drive to learn from your mistakes and find out how to get things

done.

12

Humility

A good ref will behave modestly; deliver respect on the court. If

you don’t value your fellows, you hardly can expect the same in

exchange. This doesn’t mean you should give in to various tricks

form players, but you definitely must respect all of the

participants.

Reliability

You must be there 100% mentally and physically, and must be

reliable to manage the game in a fair and professional way.

Commitment to fitness

Body and mind are connected, so you must be fit. Period. Your

mental toughness builds upon it. It’s like the foundation of your

house. You cannot build castle on drift. From distance,

everybody sees the correct call (especially supporters, and after

the fact), but on the court you have to be on the best spot to

make it right. Although, this is beyond the scope of this book, I

wanted to mention it.

Patience

You can be the best when nobody cares. Of course, you’d better

be the best you can be when you get the chance to be

supervised by important people. Everybody gets at least one

chance. Be patient and have fun waiting while you work on your

officiating. The better the preparation is, the better your chances

are when time will finally come.

13

Communication

Essential communication skills enable you to be understood and

followed by players, coaches and fellow referees. Without proper

communication, how do you expect them to do what you want?

Motivation

This is of crucial importance; I assure you, there will be tough

times. And throughout those hard periods, you can only rise fast

with strong inner motivation. I will show you how to create it.

Persistence

Just like motivation, it plays a crucial role in keeping up solid

performance during periods of poor form and valleys.

Empathy

It’s simple. You get it only after you give it. Sometimes it seems

for strong personalities that empathy ruins the picture of the

authority, but it’s a misbelief. One must be careful here; keep the

balance. Too much empathy will result in hard emotions that

sabotage your tough calls.

Common sense

Sometimes rules cannot be applied because the game is

different. You need to have common sense and intuition that you

trust and act on.

Credibility

People accept people who they think are trustworthy.

14

Fair mindedness

It’s not difficult to be fair when you like both teams and all the

participants. The art is being fair when it is not the case. The only

way to long term success is to be fair at all times.

Courage

Nobody likes weak referees. You have to be able to sacrifice

your short term popularity to grow. Be brave enough to make the

tough calls when you have to. Sometimes you need to take risk

to stand out of the crowd.

Elegance

Your look plays a major role. I know, because for long, I thought

my rock star hairstyle is more important than being accepted. I

rebelled, but I had to admit I am much more ahead now, pleasing

or at least not disturbing the eyes of others. It doesn’t imply that

you have to be beautiful, though. It means what it says; be

elegant. Although, you can balance your visual disability by being

better in other areas, you are definitely ahead if you do your best.

2.2. How We Work

Professionalism

Being a referee is not some game you play to pass the time. You

need to put 110% on the court every week in order to stay ahead

of the game. You also have to look and talk professionally in

order to be taken seriously.

15

Good work habits

Aristotle said “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then,

is not an act, but a habit.” How we work is much dependent on

who we are. To reach full potential, we should embrace the

habits of the excellent referees.

Self control

Good referees maintain composure, keep emotions in check, and

even change negative sentiment like anger or frustration. They

are able to change behavior consciously, even in the most

difficult situations.

Independence

It means developing one's own ways of doing things, guiding

oneself with little or no supervision, and self-dependence on

getting things done. I respect your autonomy, that’s the reason I

encourage you to try before you believe anything I write in this

book.

Stress tolerance

We have to control what is inevitable. Stress is there and it can

help us to be a better referee. I will tell you how.

Attention to details

As you get a sense of the big picture – behavior and personality

of the players and coaches, importance of the game, etc. – you

need to be able to drill down and notice the changes in the flow

of the game, and react to them. You also need to be able to

control many things at once, and be aware of tiny details about

16

your movement and personality. Controlling details makes an

exceptional referee out of a good one.

Adaptability/flexibility

Maybe it’s not so clear at this moment in time, but you will

understand (when we talk about rapport) how the most flexible

element controls the whole system. For now, just accept that it is

as important as being strong and confident.

Social perceptiveness

A top referee is a human being with social skills. They are able to

grab and pay attention to other people. We are, at the end of the

day, here to have fun. Respect each other. Social intelligence

helps you be more widely accepted.

Cooperation

You want to cooperate either with your team or with other

participants. Teamwork is the basis of every successful

officiating.

Leadership

Everybody, or at least you surely want to be a top referee. This is

not possible without leadership skills, since it’s rarely the case

you officiate alone. If so, you still have to lead the participants

into fair play.

Friendship

You don’t want other fear from you, do you? In my humble

opinion, it’s the characteristic of weak referees. Be approachable

so people can count on your fair judgment.

17

Effort to achievement

No success is possible without first putting in the work. Beverly

Sills once said “there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.”

Decisive thinking

Yes, you have to decide. Sometimes make hard decisions, and

you have to be ready for it at any time.

2.3. What Skills Do We Need to Have?

Active Learning

Learn something every day. Learn from your mistakes, learn from

experienced referees. This makes you grow.

Active listening

We will see while talking about rapport, that active listening is

crucial to really understand someone. This is the first step

towards influence.

Persuasion

If someone violates the behavioral norms, you have to be

persuasive enough to cool them down. This is one of the most

important skills in conflict management.

Service orientation

The game is not there for us. We are there for the game. We

serve the participants to enjoy the game and fight in fair play.

Refs tend to forget this, so you better keep reminding yourself.

18

Stay cool under fire

There are skills to handle tough situations. Be prepared for the

inevitable.

Ability to teach

If others learn something from you, your credits skyrocket. If you

teach something, you begin to understand the topic more.

Knowledge of the game

I will not talk much about this, but you know you constantly have

to develop your knowledge about the game you officiate.

Communication

You need to communicate well in order to get your message

across. It contains verbal and non-verbal communication as well.

19

3. Challenges Referees Face

You face the ultimate challenge every time you put on the referee

uniform. Awareness is your friend. The first step is to know what

affects your officiating. Focus on the ones that are within your

control, take care of the situations that ruin your game, and

accept all the others.

This book, besides other benefits, is to help you see the

difference between them.

3.1. Control the Problems You Can Control

Lack of focus

You may know the rules 100%. You may even be able to decide

situations on the tape after a couple of slow motion and rewind,

but you will choke on the court without proper focus.

I know many excellent referees who continuously make big

mistakes because of poor concentration. It is especially true after

a long trip to the game, leaving the office, or simply with a busy

mind. They may be able to call the most difficult situations right,

and fail with the easiest ones.

This is a common problem you can learn to prevent, though. You

will see how.

Handle failures

Do you remember a situation where you knew you had a huge

mistake and the whole game was a failure after that? How much

20

would you pay to forget it right at the moment? Another example

is when your whole game is a mere failure. How do you get over

it?

Lack of confidence

How can you achieve confidence whenever you want? In a

heartbeat, you will be able to put yourself in the confident state

with NLP, soon enough.

Stressful environment

Yes, you’re right. You may not be able to control the

environment, but you can control how you react. It’s not stress

that forces you out of the game, but your answer to stress.

Weak teamwork

Without a TEAM, there is no success on the court. Lack of

rapport in the team makes your job much more difficult. Break

out of the burdens and be a good partner. Be a team player.

Manage conflicts

There are players and coaches who go war on the court. Of

course there are problems.

Fear of doing something wrong

This is fundamental, and even if it’s rare, it has a huge impact on

our officiating.

Little or no experience

How? You may ask how you can control lack of experience. Stay

with me and you will find out how you can use your imagination

to be a better referee.

21

3.2. Why it’s So Difficult to Solve These

Problems?

Picture one of your games. You are in an imperfect mood with

some garbage on your soul. You start the game and you are

already tired.

Then it begins. You feel mentally down, your concentration is

low. How do you reflect on this state in your mind? How is your

self-talk?

I bet it is like “oh shit, I’m so freakin’ wasted, hope I won’t make a

mistake”, or “oh God, let me get over this game soon”, maybe

“wish I could miss this game”. Either way, you’re out of focus. It’s

not the state you want to be. You have to make every effort to be

IN the game!

You want to be focused, confident, sharp. Be ready for the

challenge.

The thing is, it’s so difficult, because we are wired to do exactly

the opposite every time. Our autopilot works on following

patterns, and chances are high that these patterns are out of

date, so we keep going into the same trap that kicks us out of the

game.

Bad news: nobody else is able to solve it, but you! The question

is: how?

Good news: I will show you the way just in minutes now, read on.

22

4. Neuro-Linguistic Programming

4.1. What is NLP?

A computer hacker and a linguistic professor did find a way to

model excellence in the 1970s. They took the best hypnotists and

the most successful people of the age, and tried to figure out how

they stand out from the crowd.

The result is Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In short, it is a set of

tools and techniques you can use to create excellence.

Imagine your mind as an operating system which is responsible

for all the actions you take. They run according to subconscious

programs which need to be updated from time to time. With NLP,

you can upgrade you operating system whenever you want to.

Be it about habits, behavioral change, phobia cure, changing

limiting beliefs or setting goals, NLP is the collection of

instruments that help you tap to the resources that prove quality.

You may don’t know it yet, but you can change easily. NLP works

with the subconscious, so the changes are deep and lasting. It

unleashes your resources already within you to be who you really

want to be.

We will put on some work on habits to make the change more

natural and lasting.

23

4.2. What’s Different Now?

Be with me for a moment here and now, and imagine an apple in

your mind. You can go on and close your eyes after you read this

sentence, and imagine the apple.

Done?

Good. How does it look like? Is it red or green? How big is it?

Does it shine or is it spotted? Is there any fragrance? Do you feel

its taste? How is the surface? This is how you perceive this apple

with your nervous system.

Just imagine it thoroughly in every detail possible. In a couple of

words, formulate how it looks like, how it feels to be there, what’s

the fragrance, and so on. This is linguistics.

Visualize the same apple and in your mind, but now, change it to

be more appealing to you. It can be bigger, brighter, different

color, anything. How did it change? I mean the feeling. Do you

want to take a bite? Do you struggle with your salivation? Good.

Basically that is programming.

Feel free to change it to the way it appeals to you the most. With

this simple exercise, you can change your feelings.

You may wonder, “what the heck are you talking about?” Well,

I’m letting you know what the founders of NLP understood. We

are human beings whose imagination can bring the same result

as the actual experience itself. We will use this to grow.

24

This is a powerful! It opens so many doors and makes change so

easy, you cannot imagine right now, can you?

The wise man said it for a reason.

““LLooggiicc ccaann ttaakkee yyoouu ffrroomm AA ttoo BB,, bbuutt

iimmaaggiinnaattiioonn ccaann ttaakkee yyoouu aannyywwhheerree..””

~~AAllbbeerrtt EEiinnsstteeiinn

Still, it is not only about visualization. There is a lot more to it. We

have multiple choices with NLP to adjust our emotions and

behavior according to the situation. It will not only serve you as a

referee, but support you as a friend, a parent, a spouse, a

businessman, and in every imaginable area of your life.

It will change how you live by giving you choices.

You will know what I am talking about after you do some of the

exercises.

25

5. Awaken the brilliant referee within

This was only a demonstration how your imagination can change

directly how you feel about things. But are you able to change

with simple techniques like the apple trick?

Yes, you are! All you need to do is set your goals and be flexible

enough to change until you reach them. NLP gives you the ability

to change, therefore offers you choices. That’s why it’s so

valuable.

Set up your strategy, make the change, collect feedback,

iterate.

This book will teach you how to change along with the best ways

to learn new habits, too, and I encourage you not to believe a

word I tell you before experimenting it. We are all different. There

may be things that work for me but don’t work for you. And before

taking a trial, you cannot really decide what’s best, can you?

The techniques I’m about to show you are credited to various

NLP developers and practitioners like Richard Bandler, John

Grinder, Robert Dilts and many more. You can find these

descriptions of them throughout the internet and in various books

on NLP. I adjusted them in order to serve as tools specifically for

referees.

Curiosity is a key quality of great referees, so grab your chance

to take it seriously, and learn the skills to exploit your potential

and referee the best games you can referee.

26

““NNeevveerr ssaayy nneevveerr,, bbeeccaauussee lliimmiittss,, lliikkee ffeeaarrss,,

aarree oofftteenn jjuusstt aann iilllluussiioonn..””

~~MMiicchhaaeell JJoorrddaann

27

5.1. The Basic Motivation Pattern

Motivation makes you start doing things. And most of the times,

the start is the most difficult. After you’ve gained some

momentum, you can immerse in the activity.

Let’s start and get going by a simple visualization technique.

HOW:

1. Imagine enjoying a key achievement. Imagine that you

have achieved one of your greatest dreams in life.

Imagine yourself fully enjoying it. Experience the sights,

sounds, and feelings of this enjoyment. How do you know

when you get there? Close your eyes, and see what you

will see when you achieve that goal. Be in your own body,

and see the picture clearly, vividly. Make it 3 dimensional,

bigger, brighter. Hear the sounds you will hear, smell the

scent of victory, and feel the taste of success in your

mind. The more detailed, the better.

2. Enhance and anchor the state as a pleasure

motivation state. Amplify the compelling and

motivational aspects of this experience. Do this by

adjusting submodalities, by making the picture bigger,

brighter, more vivid, turn the volume of the sound up, and

immerse in the feeling. This is a pleasure motivation

state. Anchor it by making a fist right before the feeling

tops, and release when it starts to disappear.

28

3. Future pace with this state. Carry these feelings into

imagining yourself taking steps that will actually move you

toward your dream outcome. Trigger your anchor for the

pleasure motivation state to enhance this state.

4. Test. In the coming days and weeks, notice if you find it

easier to take steps toward this or other dreams or

desired outcomes.

Feel the difference in your motivation after this exercise and

start doing! Momentum is your friend. Hop on it and ride

until it lasts.

<< This is the end of the complimentary copy >>

Download the FULL eBook here!