personal incorrectness: to disregard decency ......to the fight club here. chris it's not a fight...
TRANSCRIPT
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PERSONAL INCORRECTNESS: TO DISREGARD DECENCY
by
JOHN RAINONE
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TEASER SCENE A
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - HALLWAY - DAY
(DAVID) WHILE WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED HALLWAY, DAVID DOES A SORTOF DANCE WALK WHILE PASSERBIES NOTICE IT, THEN DAVID JUMPSFOR JOY WHILE PASSERBIES NOTICES IT, THEN HE DANCES IN ASILENT FRENZY UNTIL HE NOTICES ALL THE PASSERBIES STARINGAT HIM.
END TEASER
ACT 1 SCENE B
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - CAFETERIA - DAY
(NICK, ALEEMAH, CHRIS,DAVID, PRETTY GIRL)
NICK, ALEEMAH, AND CHRIS ARE SITTING IN THE CAFETERIA ASNICK TAKES OUT AND STARTS TO EAT A B.L.T. SANDWICH.
ALEEMAHWhat's that?
NICK
A BLT. I got it from a deli on64th street.
ALEEMAH
How can you eat that stuff?
NICKWell it's not like I'm Muslim orJewish.
ALEEMAH
But pigs are filthy animals.
NICKThen what do you expect me to eat?The cafeteria food here tasteslike crap.
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NICK TAKES A BITE OF HIS BLT.
NICK (CONT'D)Besides, pigs may be filthyanimals, but they haven't donehalf of the nasty things theKardashians did.
ALEEMAH
Then don't try to eat anyKardashians either.
DAVID APPROACHES THE TABLE.
DAVIDHey guys. You know you shouldn'tbe eating that.
DAVID POINTS TO THE BLT AND SITS DOWN.
NICKNow you're complaining too? Ithought you were Catholic.
NICK TAKES ANOTHER BITE OF THE BLT.
DAVIDI am. I just said you shouldn'tbecause eating bacon lowers yoursperm count.
NICK
Oh. NICK PUTS DOWN THE BLT.
DAVIDBy the way, I have good news,guess what it is?
CHRIS
You're getting a dog?
DAVIDNo.
ALEEMAH
You're getting a driver's license?
DAVIDNo.
NICK
You cleared up your rash?
2.
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DAVIDN-, wait what?
NICK
A few days ago when we werechanging in the gym locker room, Inoticed you had a rash.
DAVID
I didn't have a rash.
NICKWell it was something red downthere.
DAVID SIGHS.
DAVIDThose were hemorrhoids that Ialready took care of and no,that's not the news!
ALEEMAH
Then what's the news?
DAVIDI got a date with Carla.
THE THREE OF THEM APPLAUD DAVID.
DAVID (CONT'D)Thank you. Thank you.
NICK
That's great news, but are yougonna tell her about yourhemorrhoids?
DAVID SCOWLS AND LEAVES WITHOUT SAYING A WORD. NICK GETS UP.
NICK (CONT'D)Well, I'm gonna leave too and headto the fight club here.
CHRIS
It's not a fight club; it's just aroom where you play video games.
NICK
Nevertheless, I still train therecompetitively.
NICK LOOKS AT BLT, SHRUGS AND TAKES IT.
3.
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NICK (CONT'D)And I play Super Smash Brothers.
NICK EATS THE REST OF HIS BLT AS HE EXITS.
ALEEMAHYou really need to get overDenise.
CHRIS
I'm trying.
ALEEMAHYou shouldn't have to try, she washorrible to you.
CHRIS
But I thought we were meant foreach other.
ALEEMAH
Chris, she was a time bomb.Besides she cheated on you likeevery other week.
CHRIS
But she was always sorry about it.
ALEEMAHShe was only sorry about it whenshe was caught. You don't needsomeone like that.
A PRETTY GIRL PASSES CHRIS WITH A SMILE. ALEEMAH NUDGES CHRIS.
ALEEMAH (CONT'D)Well?
CHRIS
Well what?
ALEEMAHWhy don't you go up to her and askher out?
CHRIS
Why would I do that?
ALEEMAHBecause she's pretty and sheobviously finds you attractive.
4.
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CHRISI just got out of onerelationship; I'm not ready foranother. Besides, would you wantto be picked up by a random guyyou see in a cafeteria?
ALEEMAH
If I found them attractive Iwould.
CHRIS
Well I still won't pick her up.
ALEEMAHThen I will.
CHRIS
Wait, what are you- ALEEMAH GETS UP TO GO TALK TO THE PRETTY GIRL.
ALEEMAHHey, I'm Aleemah. My friend Chrisand I saw you pass our table amdwe couldn't help but notice youwere really cute.
THE PRETTY GIRL SMILES.
PRETTY GIRLThanks. I couldn't help but noticeyou were really cute too.
ALEEMAH
Thanks, I was hoping you'd-, waitme?
PRETTY GIRL
Yeah, I just wasn't sure if youwere interested or not.
ALEEMAH
Well I was hoping you'd beinterested in Chris.
PRETTY GIRL
I guess he can watch if you'dlike.
ALEEMAH
Ummm, never mind. Sorry to botheryou.
5.
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THE PRETTY GIRL STARES AT ALEEMAH LUSTFULLY AS ALEEMAHBACKS AWAY TO CHRIS'S TABLE.
ALEEMAH (CONT'D)OHH-kay, I guess that one's mybad.
CHRIS
Great. Now can you please just letme wait to find someone else whenI feel like it?
ALEEMAH
Nope. I still have a really hotfriend I could set you up with.She loves black guys.
CHRIS
No thanks.
ALEEMAHIt's no problem. Besides I left myphone at her place anyway.
CHRIS
Aleemah, I don't want you to-
ALEEMAHWell too bad, I'm doing it withoutyour consent and you're eithergonna like it or regret not doingit.
ALEEMAH GETS UP AND LEAVES.
FADE OUT: SCENE C
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - GAME ROOM - DAY
(NICK, ANDREW) NICK IS IN THE GAME ROOM SITTING IN FRONT OF A TV NEXT TO ACHUBBY ASIAN GUY NAMED ANDREW AS THEY'RE TOGGLING THEIRCONTROLLERS.
NICKDamn, damn, damn, DAMMIT!
6.
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ANDREWHa-ha! No gamer alive can survivemy ultimate move.
NICK
Ultimate move? You just farted onme!
ANDREW
It wasn't just any fart. It wasthe product of two baked potatoesand a smoked ham.
NICK
Oh, speaking of ham, do you wannahear a priest and a rabbi jokeAndrew?
ANDREW
Sure.
NICKOkay: a priest and a rabbi walkinto a supermarket. The priestasks "how about ham?", the rabbisays "no", the priest asks "why?",and the rabbi says "because it'snot on sale."
ANDREW LAUGHS.
ANDREWDude, that's a funny joke, but isit okay for you to tell that jokeout loud?
NICK
I don't see why I shouldn't beable to tell it if it's funny.Besides for all I know I could'vehad a Jewish ancestor somewheredown the line.
ANDREW
So you're saying it's okay for youto tell an offensive joke becauseyou may have an ancestor who wouldroll over in his grave if he heardone of his descendants tell it?
NICK
Yup. ANDREW SHRUGS.
7.
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ANDREWThat's all I needed to hear.
FADE OUT:
SCENE D
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - CLASSROOM #1 - DAY
(DAVID, CHRIS) DAVID IS IN CLASS WITH CHRIS.
DAVIDOh Chris, you know how I askedCarla out?
CHRIS
Yeah, what about it?
DAVIDWell, Carla has a friend shewanted me to set someone up with.She's an attractive brunette namedKelly and I figured you might wantto move on from Denise.
CHRIS
I'm sorry, I'm just not ready yet.
DAVIDPlease Chris? Carla really wantsme to bring another guy to see herfriend. Besides, she just got offa bad breakup like you did.
CHRIS
Why do you guys keep trying to setme up with people? Just give metime to get over Denise.
DAVID
Look, when I set the date withCarla, she asked me to findsomeone that her friend could goout with too. That's why I needyou to do this Chris.
CHRIS
Then you can just bring Nickalong.
8.
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DAVIDYou know I can't do that. For allI know he could mention thehemorrhoids I had a few days agoor ruin things by telling a badjoke.
CHRIS
Well I'm sorry David but I can'tcome with you.
FADE OUT:
SCENE E
FADE IN: INT. - CINDY'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
(ALEEMAH, CINDY) ALEEMAH IS AT CINDY'S PLACE.
ALEEMAHSorry about leaving my phone here.
CINDY
It's fine.
ALEEMAHHey Cindy, you're single right?
CINDY
Yeah, but I'm only into guys.
ALEEMAHThat's not what I meant, you see Ihave this friend who got off a badbreakup and I thought he mightfeel better if he went out withyou.
CINDY
Is he black?
ALEEMAHHe's black.
CINDY
Is he black-black?
ALEEMAHHe's black-black and straight outof Harlem.
9.
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CINDYSure, I'll see him.
ALEEMAH
Thanks. Also, can I ask youanother favor?
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
SCENE F
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - GAME ROOM - DAY - OVER AN HOUR LATER
(NICK, ANDREW, DAVID) IN THE GAME ROOM, DAVID APPROACHES NICK AS HE'S PLAYINGAGAINST ANDREW.
NICKFeel my wrath you bastard!
ANDREW
You're not gonna destroy me! Ican't be stopped!
NICK
Oh yeah?
ANDREWYeah!
ANDREW SUDDENLY WHIMPERS IN AGONY.
NICKYou were saying?
DAVID
Hey Nick. NICK TURNS AROUND.
NICKOh hey David, did you see medestroy this guy?
ANDREW
You son of a bitch. I almost hadyou.
10.
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DAVIDCan I ask you something Nick?
NICK
Sure, feuer frei.
DAVIDWait, "feuer frei?" What does thatmean?
NICK
It's German for "fire at will."
DAVIDSince when do you know German?
NICK
I don't. I just listen to a lot ofGerman death metal. You wouldn'tbelieve how angry German peoplecan sound in their music.
DAVID
I think I could ballpark it.Anyway Carla has a friend shewanted me to set up with someone.Do you wanna come with me to thatItalian restaurant on LexingtonAvenue for a double date in anhour?
NICK
Sure.
DAVIDBut you can't get pizza.
NICK
But I like pizza.
DAVIDYou always make a mess when youhave pizza and you're gonnaembarrass me if you do it in frontof Carla.
NICK
It'll be fine. I'll just have thepizza with a knife and fork so Idon't make a mess.
DAVID
Fine, you can get the pizza. DAVID FACEPALMS HIMSELF.
11.
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DAVID (CONT'D)I'm gonna regret this idea.
NICK
No you're not. I wouldn't try todo anything to make you lookfoolish.
DAVID
Your problem is you don't have to.You just need to say one wrongthing by mistake.
NICK
Oh come on, stop getting yourthoughts from todays' movies-
NICK AND DAVID
-which are horrible by the way.
NICKLike annoying romantic comediespeople call... "Rom-Coms" now.
NICK SHUDDERS FROM SAYING ROM-COMS.
DAVIDAnd like those half-assed attemptsat horror movies that don't makeany sense. Okay fine, just meet usthere in an hour.
DAVID EXITS.
NICKOkay, so we've got an hour.
NICK AND ANDREW ARE TOGGLING THEIR CONTROLLERS.
ANDREWDamn you!
NICK
Die you fat bastard!
FADE OUT: SCENE G
FADE IN:
12.
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INT. - COLLEGE - CLASSROOM #2 - DAY(CHRIS, ALEEMAH,PROFESSOR)
CHRIS AND ALEEMAH ARE IN CLASS AS THE PROFESSOR MAKES ANANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE FRONT DESK.
PROFESSORMake sure you all turn it in onMonday.
EVERY STUDENT LEAVES EXCEPT FOR CHRIS AND ALEEMAH
ALEEMAHSo I told Cindy about you.
CHRIS
I thought I told you I wasn'tinterested.
ALEEMAH
But she's interested in you. AlsoI told her you're from Harlem.
CHRIS
I'm not from Harlem I'm fromQueens.
ALEEMAH
I said it because I thought itwould make you seem more black.
CHRIS
Why would I need to seem "moreblack?"
ALEEMAH
Well you wouldn't need to. I justthought it would impress her more.
CHRIS SHAKES HIS HEAD.
CHRISI already told you I wasn'tinterested.
ALEEMAH
Well at least see what she lookslike before you make up your mind.
ALEEMAH TOGGLES THROUGH HER PHONE. CHRIS TAKES OUT HIS PHONE AS IT VIBRATES AND TOGGLES IT.
13.
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CHRISDid you just send me nakedpictures of Cindy?
ALEEMAH
Yup.
CHRISHow did you get naked pictures ofCindy?
ALEEMAH
I might have told her I wanted touse them to catfish guys onlinefor fun.
CHRIS ISN'T PAYING ATTENTION BECAUSE HIS EYES ARE GLUED TOHIS PHONE.
CHRISWell I guess it wouldn't hurt forme to see her as soon as Ipossibly can.
PROFESSOR
Niiice. CHRIS AND ALEEMAH TURN AROUND TO SEE THEIR PROFESSOR BEHINDTHEM STARING AT CHRIS'S PHONE.
FADE OUT: SCENE H:
FADE IN: INT. - RESTAURANT - DAY
(DAVID, CARLA, KELLY) DAVID, CARLA, AND KELLY ARE STANDING IN THE RESTAURANTWAITING FOR NICK.
CARLASo, where's Nick?
DAVID
Oh, well he must be on his wayhere.
DAVID FURIOUSLY TYPES ON HIS PHONE TO CONTACT NICK.
DAVID (CONT'D)Yeah, he should be here soon.
14.
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DAVID, CARLA, AND KELLY AND STANDING STILL IN AN AWKWARDSILENCE.
DAVID (CONT'D)Sooo, have you guys seen any newmovies lately?
CARLA AND KELLY
No.
DAVIDDon't you think that movies thesedays are just boring, hour-longwastes of time?
CARLA
I guess.
KELLYI wouldn't really know.
DAVID SHRUGS AND NODS, THEN HE GOES RIGHT BACK TO FURIOUSLYTEXTING NICK.
FADE OUT: SCENE I:
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - GAME ROOM - DAY
(NICK, ANDREW, ALEEMAH) NICK AND ANDREW ARE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WHILE ALEEMAH ISSTANDING BEHIND THEM AS NICK SUDDENLY PAUSES THE GAME.
NICKCrap!
ANDREW
What's going on? Why did you pausethe game?
NICK
I forgot something important.
ANDREWReally? What was it?
NICK
Oh wait, never mind. I justremembered the kill combo.
15.
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THEY CONTINUE PLAYING.
NICK (CONT'D)And you're gone!
ANDREW
Damn you!
ALEEMAHHey Nick.
NICK TURNS AROUND.
NICKOh hey Aleemah. Did you see medestroy this guy?
ANDREW
You cheating son of a bitch! Thatdoesn't count, you paused the gamein the middle of it.
ALEEMAH
Anyway, David told me to find yousince you weren't answering yourphone.
NICK
Ohhh, right. I had my phone onvibrate next to me.
NICK PICKS UP HIS PHONE AND GOES THROUGH IT.
NICK (CONT'D)Damn, he's pissed. There's just awhole row of curses he texted me.
ALEEMAH
Yeah he's afraid you might'veruined things with him and Carla.
NICK
It'll be fine. Being late is nevera deal breaker.
ALEEMAH
Oh, guess what I just did?
NICKWhat did you do?
ALEEMAH
I just set Chris up with one of myfriends.
16.
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NICKGood work Aleemah, now he canfinally get over Denise. Wish himluck for me.
NICK BEGINS TO HEAD OUT AS HE'S STARING AT HIS SCREEN.
NICK (CONT'D)Hey Aleemah?
ALEEMAH
Yeah?
NICKWhat's a "quim?"
FADE OUT:
SCENE J
FADE IN: INT. - RESTAURANT - DAY - SEVERAL MINUTS LATER
(DAVID, CARLA, KELLY,NICK)
DAVID, CARLA AND KELLY ARE SITTING AT THE SAME TABLE ASTHEY ARE EATING PIZZA AWKWARDLY.
CARLASo David-
DAVID
Don't worry Nick is gonna be heresoon.
CARLA
Actually I was going to ask youhow your day went.
DAVID
Oh, my bad. Well today I learnedthat I can't dance.
CARLA
Really?
DAVIDYep. I tried to dance in thehallway today and it ended upbeing a poor spectacle.
CARLA CHUCKLES AS NICK WALKS IN.
17.
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NICKSorry I'm late. I wasted too muchtime playing video games. That'snot a deal breaker is it?
KELLY SMILES.
KELLYI guess not.
NICK
Okay, I'll be right back. NICK APPROACHES THE COUNTER WHILE DAVID IS SITTING DOWNCRINGING.
CARLAAre you alright David?
DAVID
Yeah, I just have a minorheadache.
NICK COMES RIGHT BACK WITH A SLICE OF PIZZA.
NICKYeah I get those during the daywhen I go without drinking coffee.
DAVID
Then why don't you take an aspirininstead?
NICK
Aspirin doesn't keep me awake,coffee does.
DAVID PUTS AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT OF PARMESAN CHEESE TOHIS OWN SLICE.
NICK (CONT'D)That's a lot of cheese.
DAVID
So? I like cheese.
NICKWell the pizza is already madewith cheese. When you add thatmuch cheese to a pizza there's apoint where it ceases to be apizza and is just a triangularhunk of cheese.
18.
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DAVIDNick, when I'm having a pizza Ican put on as much cheese as Idamn well please.
NICK
That's kind of poetic.
NICK (IN NARRATION VOICE)"When I'm having a pizza, I canput on as much cheese as I damnwell please."
KELLY GIGGLES WHILE DAVID CRINGES.
CARLASo how long have you guys knowneach other?
DAVID
We've been friends for 2 yearsnow.
NICK STARTS EATING HIS PIZZA WITH A KNIFE AND FORK AS DAVIDGLARES AT HIM.
DAVID (CONT'D)Although for some reason it feelsa lot longer.
KELLY
Why are you eating pizza with aknife and fork?
NICK
Well I find it neater to use aknife and fork rather than myhands.
KELLY
You know I think I should trydoing that too.
KELLY STARTS TO EAT HER PIZZA WITH A KNIFE AND FORK.
KELLY (CONT'D)You're right it's a lot neater.This way I don't end up gettingany grease on myself.
NICK
Well maybe later if this goeswell.
KELLY GIGGLES AGAIN.
19.
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NICK (CONT'D)See that table over there?
NICK POINTS TO A TABLE WHERE A FAT GUY IS GORGING ON LOTSOF FOOD BUT IS DRINKING DIET COKE.
KELLYYeah.
NICK
I've never seen a thin persondrinking diet coke.
KELLY LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY.
KELLYWhy does he even bother drinking adiet coke if he's just going toeat so much food?
NICK
I guess this way he might have acoronary but he can at least sayhe avoided diabetes.
DAVID CRINGES WHILE KELLY LAUGHS.
DAVIDWell, maybe he enjoys the prospectof depriving himself of refreshingbeverages as he suffers anagonizing death. Ha-ha.
DAVID FEIGNS A CHUCKLE WHILE EVERYONE LOOKS AT HIM INHORROR.
NICKDude, that was more grim than thedarkest corners of your mother'swomb.
KELLY AND CARLA LAUGH WHILE DAVID SHRUGS.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT 3 SCENE K
FADE IN: INT. - COFFEE SHOP - DAY
20.
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(CHRIS, CINDY) CHRIS APPROACHES CINDY'S TABLE AND SITS DOWN.
CHRISHey Cindy.
CINDY
Are you Chris?
CHRISYeah.
CINDY
I think Aleemah may havemisunderstood.
CHRIS
Misunderstood what?
CINDYYou're not black-black.
CHRIS
Yes I am. I'm black-black straightout of Harlem.
CINDY
No you're not.
CHRISOkay, maybe I'm not from Harlembut I'm still black-black.
CINDY
No you aren't. You're onlybrown-black.
CHRIS
Does it matter?
CINDYActually it does. I'm sorry but Ionly date guys who are reallydark-skinned.
CHRIS
But you're white. CINDY EXITS LEAVING CHRIS WITH A LOOK OF SHOCK.
FADE OUT: SCENE L
21.
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FADE IN: EXT. - CARLA'S FRONT YARD - NIGHT
(DAVID, CARLA) DAVID IS WALKING WITH CARLA TO HER HOUSE.
CARLAThanks for walking me home.
DAVID
It's fine, I'm really sorry aboutNick.
CARLA
It's fine, Kelly really liked him.
DAVIDHow?
CARLA
Well I think it had something todo with him not worrying about thedate going wrong.
DAVID
Do you think I was too nervous? CARLA WRAPS HER ARMS AROUND DAVID'S NECK.
CARLAI think you're too nervous now.
CARLA PULLS HIM INTO A KISS.
CARLA (CONT'D)Call me tomorrow David.
CARLA ENTERS HER HOUSE AND SHUTS THE DOOR AS DAVID ISSTANDING THERE STRICKEN.
FADE OUT: SCENE K
FADE IN: INT. - KELLY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
(NICK, KELLY) NICK AND KELLY ARE LYING IN BED WITH THEIR BODIES COVEREDBY THE SHEETS.
22.
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NICKWell that went well.
KELLY GIGGLES AND TURNS TO NICK'S SIDE TO PUT HER ARM ONHIS CHEST.
KELLYYes it did Nick. Yes it did. Youshould've seen the look on David'sface before you came.
NICK
Yeah he worried too much.
KELLYWell hopefully he's in the sameplace you are right now.
NICK
Well hopefully he's not; I don'twant to have to share with him.
NICK AND KELLY KISS.
NICK (CONT'D)Wanna hear another joke?
KELLY
Sure.
NICKOkay, so a priest and a rabbi gointo a supermarket...
FADE OUT:
SCENE L
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - CAFETERIA - DAY - A DAY LATER
(DAVID, CHRIS, ALEEMAH,NICK, PRETTY GIRL)
DAVID, CHRIS AND ALEEMAH ARE SITTING DOWN MULLING OVER THEEVENTS OF YESTERDAY.
ALEEMAHSo what happened with Carla? Giveus all the dirty details.
23.
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DAVIDThere aren't any dirty details, wejust kissed a little.
ALEEMAH
Well it's still something. It'sbetter than what happened onChris's date.
DAVID
Wait, Chris went on a date? Ithought he was still getting overDenise.
ALEEMAH
He was but I made him come around.
DAVIDWell what happened?
CHRIS
She turned me down because Iwasn't black enough.
DAVID
Ummm, what?
ALEEMAHApparently his skin wasn't darkenough.
DAVID
She turned you down... because youweren't black enough.
CHRIS
Yes.
DAVIDThat's ridiculous, if anythingyou're too black.
CHRIS AND ALEEMAH STARE AT HIM SUSPICIOUSLY UNTIL DAVIDREALIZES WHAT HE JUST SAID.
DAVID (CONT'D)I'm sorry that didn't come outright. But it's pretty racist forher to reject you for not being asblack as her.
CHRIS
She's not black she's white.
24.
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DAVIDA white girl turned you downbecause you weren't black enough?
CHRIS
Yes.
DAVIDTalk about irony.
NICK APPROACHES THE TABLE AND SITS DOWN.
NICKHey guys.
DAVID
There's the man of the hour. Carlatold me how much Kelly liked you.
NICK
Thanks. So Chris, yesterdayAleemah told me you had a date.How did it go.
CHRIS
She rejected me because I wasn'tblack enough.
NICK
You mean like an Uncle Tom?
CHRISNo, because of my skin tone.
NICK
Are you kidding? If anythingyou're too black.
CHRIS, DAVID, AND ALEEMAH ARE STARING AT NICK WHO DOESN'TREALIZE WHAT HE SAID.
NICK (CONT'D)What? What did I say?
ALEEMAH
So what happened with Kelly? Giveus all the dirty details.
NICK
Well, on the date we were kiddingaround and laughing.
ALEEMAH
And then...
25.
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NICKThen we got to her place.
ALEEMAH
And then...
NICKThen the dirty details started.
ALEEMAH
Dirty details such as...
NICKHow we consummated.
DAVID, CHRIS AND ALEEMAH APPLAUD NICK.
NICK (CONT'D)Afterwards we exchanged somepillow talk.
ALEEMAH
What kind of pillow talk?
NICKJust a lot of kidding around untilI told her my priest and a rabbijoke.
DAVID
Are you talking about the onewhere the rabbi doesn't want theham because it's not on sale?
NICK
The same one that she threw me outfor.
DAVID
Really? I mean it's not the bestthing in the world but it's farfrom being the worst thing you'vesaid even in the last two minutes.
NICK
Well it turns out she's Jewish.
DAVIDSo that's why she loved yourwisecracks so much.
NICK
Yup. THE SAME PRETTY GIRL PASSES BY THEIR TABLE WITH A SMILE.
26.
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NICK (CONT'D)Hey Chris, I think she likes you.
CHRIS
No she doesn't.
NICKBut she just-
ALEEMAH
Trust me Nick she doesn't.
END OF ACT THREE
TAG SCENE M
FADE IN: INT. - COLLEGE - CAFETERIA - DAY - A WEEK LATER
(NICK, DAVID, ALEEMAH,CHRIS)
CAPTIONS SAY "A WEEK LATER" AS NICK, DAVID, ALEEMAH ANDCHRIS ARE SITTING DOWN.
ALEEMAHSo how's Carla?
DAVID
We ended it.
NICKWait a second, I thought you had ahuge crush on her.
DAVID
I did but we decided to stopseeing each other.
ALEEMAH
Do you realize what just happenedDavid?
DAVID
Aside from us breaking up? No.
ALEEMAHThis just made all the time youspent last week worrying aboutyour first date with Carlapointless.
27.
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DAVIDSo? It's not like it's one ofthose pointless, drawn-outromantic comedies where they baseeverything off of those boring"will-they, won't-they" couples.
ALEEMAH
You mean rom-coms? NICK YELPS AS IF HEARING THE WORD GAVE HIM PAIN.
NICKCarla saw your hemorrhoid creamdidn't she?
DAVID
Yup.
END TAG
28.