Personal Growth and Personal Growth and thethe

Human Search for Human Search for MeaningMeaning

What is personal growth?What is personal growth?

What are existential concerns?What are existential concerns?

Why do I need to get to know myself Why do I need to get to know myself better?better?

How do I get to know myself better?How do I get to know myself better?

Chapter 1Chapter 1

What is personal growth?What is personal growth?

Personal GrowthPersonal Growth • Personal growth is a process of Personal growth is a process of

psychological development that moves us psychological development that moves us toward maximizing our full potential. toward maximizing our full potential.

• We grow by getting to know ourselves.We grow by getting to know ourselves.

• One of the ways this can be accomplished is by One of the ways this can be accomplished is by spending time alone and having a “dialogue spending time alone and having a “dialogue within”.within”.

• We also learn about ourselves through our We also learn about ourselves through our interactions with other people, by trying to interactions with other people, by trying to understand them and be understood by them.understand them and be understood by them.

• Psychological development improves our Psychological development improves our relationship with ourselves, which in turn relationship with ourselves, which in turn enhances our relationships with other enhances our relationships with other people.people.

Personal Growth, continuedPersonal Growth, continued• Human beings are born with a drive to Human beings are born with a drive to

explore their surroundings and satisfy their explore their surroundings and satisfy their curiosity. curiosity.

• In former times, our physical survival In former times, our physical survival depended on it.depended on it.

• Today, striving maintains our psychological Today, striving maintains our psychological health, even when survival isn’t an issue.health, even when survival isn’t an issue.

• To refuse to move forward and accept that To refuse to move forward and accept that being alive means facing challenges, is to being alive means facing challenges, is to hang back, give up, and hide from life.hang back, give up, and hide from life.

• In doing this, we let ourselves down, and we In doing this, we let ourselves down, and we know it. know it.

Each of us has an drive to Each of us has an drive to explore explore

our world. our world.

Personal Growth, continuedPersonal Growth, continued

• The specific direction of any particular The specific direction of any particular person’s development can’t be person’s development can’t be specified.specified.

• What we consider to be growth for one What we consider to be growth for one person may not be the same as person may not be the same as progress for another.progress for another.• For example, we may feel that a particular For example, we may feel that a particular

individual has made progress when he or she individual has made progress when he or she settles down and becomes more conscientious settles down and becomes more conscientious in his or her undertakings.in his or her undertakings.

• For another person, personal growth may For another person, personal growth may involve loosening up, becoming more involve loosening up, becoming more spontaneous, and less perfectionistic.spontaneous, and less perfectionistic.

Personal Growth, continuedPersonal Growth, continued• Regardless of the direction we choose, having Regardless of the direction we choose, having

one seems to be important for us.one seems to be important for us. • The direction we take is guided by our goals and The direction we take is guided by our goals and

dreams, our vision of the future.dreams, our vision of the future.• Having a purpose in life gives us a reason to go on.Having a purpose in life gives us a reason to go on.• Of course, our goals may evolve over time, and Of course, our goals may evolve over time, and

therefore change somewhat as we grow older.therefore change somewhat as we grow older.• Even so, having goals, even if only for the time Even so, having goals, even if only for the time

being, enables us to focus and build momentum.being, enables us to focus and build momentum.• It also enables us to distinguish between the It also enables us to distinguish between the

activities that are compatible with our life purpose activities that are compatible with our life purpose and those that are more-or-less distractions.and those that are more-or-less distractions.

Personal Growth, continuedPersonal Growth, continued

Goals supply direction, Goals supply direction, motivation, and feedback. motivation, and feedback.

Consider this analogy:Consider this analogy:

Your life could be like a jet going Your life could be like a jet going 600 mph, but lost. What good 600 mph, but lost. What good

does all that speed do you?does all that speed do you?

Personal Growth, continuedPersonal Growth, continued

• Even though each person’s path in life is to Even though each person’s path in life is to some extent unique, when we get to the some extent unique, when we get to the bottom of things, we find that at heart we all bottom of things, we find that at heart we all want the pretty much the same things in life.want the pretty much the same things in life.

• For example, For example, we want to be happywe want to be happy and and feel that feel that our livesour lives have a meaning or have a meaning or purposepurpose..

• In the same way, we can make some In the same way, we can make some generalizations about what’s happening generalizations about what’s happening when a person moves in the direction of when a person moves in the direction of greater psychological development.greater psychological development.

Personal Growth, concludedPersonal Growth, concluded• Generally, a person shows personal growth Generally, a person shows personal growth

when he or she becomes more competent, when he or she becomes more competent, more productive and creative, more more productive and creative, more perceptive, insightful, and understanding; perceptive, insightful, and understanding; more knowledgeable, prudent, and more knowledgeable, prudent, and discerning, and achieves good personality discerning, and achieves good personality integration.integration.

• Personal growth will enable us to Personal growth will enable us to achieve achieve our goals in lifeour goals in life, whether they are to get , whether they are to get better grades, to have more interesting better grades, to have more interesting careers, obtain a comfortable financial careers, obtain a comfortable financial status, or enjoy a satisfying love relationship.status, or enjoy a satisfying love relationship.

The only way is forward.The only way is forward.

The hobbits The hobbits left their left their comfortable comfortable shire for an shire for an unwanted unwanted adventure adventure that changed that changed their lives their lives forever.forever.

Existential ConcernsExistential Concerns• Existentialism is a branch of humanistic Existentialism is a branch of humanistic

psychology formed around the idea that psychology formed around the idea that human beings are set apart from other human beings are set apart from other species by their superior intelligence.species by their superior intelligence.

• Our impressive intelligence has a down Our impressive intelligence has a down side, however, in that it allows us to be side, however, in that it allows us to be aware of some painful realities.aware of some painful realities.

• These realities are referred to as These realities are referred to as “existential concerns” or predicaments “existential concerns” or predicaments that we all of share because of the that we all of share because of the simple fact of our existence. simple fact of our existence.

Existential Concerns, continuedExistential Concerns, continued• Erich Fromm (1955) listed Erich Fromm (1955) listed the the

need for a sense of identityneed for a sense of identity as as one existential concern.one existential concern.

• Our search for identity Our search for identity involves asking such questions involves asking such questions as:as:

““Who am I?”Who am I?”

““Where do I fit in?”Where do I fit in?”

““Where am I going?”Where am I going?”

““Why am I here?”Why am I here?”

Existential ConcernsExistential Concerns

• Irvin Yalom (1980) provided a set Irvin Yalom (1980) provided a set of four existential concerns:of four existential concerns:

1.1. We must face the prospect of our We must face the prospect of our own death and confront our fear of own death and confront our fear of it.it.

2.2. We must find or create our own We must find or create our own meaning in life.meaning in life.

3.3. We must face the fact that we are We must face the fact that we are ultimately alone. ultimately alone.

4.4. We must understand that freedom We must understand that freedom implies responsibility for the choices implies responsibility for the choices we make. we make.

Existential Concern: Existential Concern: Death AnxietyDeath Anxiety

• Each of us has to face our own Each of us has to face our own mortality.mortality.

• Not only do we have to accept the Not only do we have to accept the fact that we’ll eventually die, but fact that we’ll eventually die, but we also have to deal with the reality we also have to deal with the reality that it could happen at any moment.that it could happen at any moment.

• If we confront the time-limited If we confront the time-limited nature of our existence, we’ll be nature of our existence, we’ll be motivated to make the most of the motivated to make the most of the time we have.time we have.

Each of us must face our Each of us must face our mortality.mortality.

Existential Concern: Existential Concern: Finding a Meaning in LifeFinding a Meaning in Life

• Each of us needs to find our own Each of us needs to find our own meaning in life.meaning in life.

• We don’t feel fulfilled merely by We don’t feel fulfilled merely by surviving, by filling our bellies and surviving, by filling our bellies and getting plenty of rest.getting plenty of rest.

• We are curious; we need stimulation, We are curious; we need stimulation, “food for thought”.“food for thought”.

• A strong sense of personal meaning is A strong sense of personal meaning is related to satisfaction with one’s life. related to satisfaction with one’s life.

We need for our lives to We need for our lives to have meaning.have meaning.

Existential Concern: Existential Concern: IsolationIsolation

• We seem to have an inborn desire to We seem to have an inborn desire to relate to and feel a sense of belonging relate to and feel a sense of belonging with others.with others.

• Intimacy with others can be highly Intimacy with others can be highly rewarding, but there are some things it rewarding, but there are some things it cannot give us.cannot give us.

• No matter how close we feel to others, No matter how close we feel to others, we must face some psychological we must face some psychological hardships alone.hardships alone.

• We must learn what we cannot get from We must learn what we cannot get from others, but must give to ourselves. others, but must give to ourselves.

Each of us is Each of us is ultimately ultimately alone.alone.

Existential Concern: Existential Concern: Freedom & ResponsibilityFreedom & Responsibility

• Many of us avoid responsibility for Many of us avoid responsibility for our actions in an attempt to escape our actions in an attempt to escape blame and shame.blame and shame.

• Being responsible for our behavior Being responsible for our behavior makes us feel anxious.makes us feel anxious.

• The problem with this tactic is that The problem with this tactic is that when we blame others or outside when we blame others or outside forces for our predicaments in life, forces for our predicaments in life, we can do nothing about them.we can do nothing about them.

Existential Concern: Existential Concern: Freedom & ResponsibilityFreedom & Responsibility

• Some of us avoid commitments Some of us avoid commitments because we fear that by making because we fear that by making them, we’ll lose the freedom that we them, we’ll lose the freedom that we prize.prize.

• At first glance, freedom might seem At first glance, freedom might seem to be in conflict with commitment.to be in conflict with commitment.

• If we make a commitment, then we If we make a commitment, then we are not as free as before.are not as free as before.

• Yet, freedom is the ability to choose Yet, freedom is the ability to choose and decide, so what good is freedom and decide, so what good is freedom if it is never exercised?if it is never exercised?

When we exercise our When we exercise our freedom, we bear freedom, we bear

responsibility for the responsibility for the consequences.consequences.

The Demands of Society

• To what extent are we able to exercise our freedom to choose what is best for us?

• Psychoanalysis– Freud believed that humans are by nature irrational

and destructive unless socialized• Behaviorism

– Rewards and punishments shape human behavior (Skinner)

– Maladaptive -any behavior that works against the person’s survival interests

• Humanism– Behavior is the result of the positive motive of self-

fulfillment • Dispositional

– Human disposition is the result of our genetic makeup

Victimization

– Transforming a temporary setback into a victim identity in life in order to get by on the offerings of others who may feel sorry for us

– Do you feel we bear some responsibility for what happens to us?

– Advantages/ Disadvantages to playing “the victim”• Advantage- Off the hook, feel innocent, gain

attention of others, control others through guilt• Disadvantage- projecting blame on others or

environment – “When we view ourselves as only having been acted

upon , rather than as participants in the events of our lives, we discount our influence over the results we get”

– Look for our own participation in the outcome of our lives

Being ProactiveBeing Proactive

• Being Being proactiveproactive involves involves taking the taking the initiativeinitiative in some activity rather in some activity rather than passively waiting to see what than passively waiting to see what happens and then reacting to it.happens and then reacting to it.

• Proactive people tend to view Proactive people tend to view themselves as capable and themselves as capable and effective.effective.

• They are used to seeing their They are used to seeing their efforts pay off with success. efforts pay off with success.

Being ProactiveBeing Proactive

• It’s healthier for us not to view It’s healthier for us not to view ourselves as being passively acted ourselves as being passively acted upon by the external environment.upon by the external environment.

• We should be able to get more of We should be able to get more of what we want out of life if we make what we want out of life if we make plans and implement them.plans and implement them.

• Taking charge of our lives requires Taking charge of our lives requires us to accept the weight of us to accept the weight of responsibility for our actions, a responsibility for our actions, a burden that many of us would burden that many of us would prefer to avoid. prefer to avoid.

Making DecisionsMaking Decisions

•Making decisions is one of the ways Making decisions is one of the ways we take a proactive stance in life.we take a proactive stance in life.

•Even poor decisions aren’t generally Even poor decisions aren’t generally fatal, and they provide us with fatal, and they provide us with feedback so we can make better feedback so we can make better decisions further down the road.decisions further down the road.

Making MistakesMaking Mistakes

• Becoming aware of hindsight bias Becoming aware of hindsight bias should help us be more relaxed should help us be more relaxed about being fallible.about being fallible.

• Setbacks and goof-ups are a Setbacks and goof-ups are a normal part of the learning normal part of the learning process.process.

• The old saying, “nothing ventured, The old saying, “nothing ventured, nothing gained” seems to be an nothing gained” seems to be an appropriate motto. appropriate motto.

Why become more self-Why become more self-aware?aware?

• Self-knowledge enables us to use Self-knowledge enables us to use our strengths and compensate for our strengths and compensate for our weaknesses.our weaknesses.

• Self-knowledge helps us find goals Self-knowledge helps us find goals that will be fulfilling.that will be fulfilling.

• Self-knowledge helps us feel less Self-knowledge helps us feel less defensive around others, since they defensive around others, since they won’t tell us things about ourselves won’t tell us things about ourselves that surprise and even sometimes that surprise and even sometimes shock us. shock us.

How to Become more Self-How to Become more Self-AwareAware

• In general, the willingness to share In general, the willingness to share things about oneself, to be relatively things about oneself, to be relatively transparent rather than secretive is transparent rather than secretive is associated with mental health.associated with mental health.

• Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure is the royal road to is the royal road to intimacy, and intimacy fosters mental intimacy, and intimacy fosters mental health.health.

• Self-disclosure is also an important Self-disclosure is also an important vehicle for self-understanding, since vehicle for self-understanding, since other people tend to reflect back to us other people tend to reflect back to us what we are communicating (verbally what we are communicating (verbally and non-verbally) in ways that and non-verbally) in ways that surprise us.surprise us.

Activity

Toilet Paper Game

Your Turn!Your Turn! The relationship between freedom and The relationship between freedom and

responsibility is that:responsibility is that:

a.a. Freedom is something we’re born with, Freedom is something we’re born with, whereas responsibility is bestowed on us whereas responsibility is bestowed on us as we mature.as we mature.

b.b. When we exercise our freedom, we must When we exercise our freedom, we must accept the consequences for the choices accept the consequences for the choices we make.we make.

c.c. Freedom is an illusion, since our choices Freedom is an illusion, since our choices are determined by our past experiences, are determined by our past experiences, whereas responsibility for our lives is whereas responsibility for our lives is real.real.

d.d. Freedom is a part of our birthright, and Freedom is a part of our birthright, and responsibility is something we seek to responsibility is something we seek to take on to test our mettle.take on to test our mettle.

e.e. Both freedom and responsibility are only Both freedom and responsibility are only for the courageous. for the courageous.

Your Turn!Your Turn!The relationship between freedom and The relationship between freedom and responsibility is that:responsibility is that:

a.a. Freedom is something we’re born with, Freedom is something we’re born with, whereas responsibility is bestowed on us whereas responsibility is bestowed on us as we mature.as we mature.

b.b. When we exercise our freedom, we must When we exercise our freedom, we must accept the consequences for the choices accept the consequences for the choices we make.*we make.*

c.c. Freedom is an illusion, since our choices Freedom is an illusion, since our choices are determined by our past experiences, are determined by our past experiences, whereas responsibility for our lives is whereas responsibility for our lives is real.real.

d.d. Freedom is a part of our birthright, and Freedom is a part of our birthright, and responsibility is something we seek to responsibility is something we seek to take on to test our mettle.take on to test our mettle.

e.e. Both freedom and responsibility are only Both freedom and responsibility are only for the courageous. for the courageous.

Review

• What is Personal Growth?• How do we grow?• What are existential concerns and

which five did we consider? • What is the relationship between

freedom and responsibility?

Question of the Day

• Take out a sheet of paper, put your name on it and answer the following question in a brief paragraph. Turn in for credit.

• What are existential concerns and which five did we consider?

Personal Reflection

• Answer the Personal Reflections questions from Chapter 1 p. 22 in your text # 1- 20. Turn in at the beginning of the next class meeting for credit. Late assignments will not be accepted.

Personal Growth andPersonal Growth andExistential ConcernsExistential Concerns

End of PresentationEnd of Presentation