pastoral psychology volume 7 issue 8 1956 [doi 10.1007%2fbf01564942] erich fromm -- love and its...

8/10/2019 Pastoral Psychology Volume 7 Issue 8 1956 [Doi 10.1007%2Fbf01564942] Erich Fromm -- Love and Its Disintegration

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J u s t a s a u t o m a t o n g c a n n o t l o v e ea c h o t h e r t h e yc a n n o t l o v e G o d T h e d i si n t e g r a t i o n o J t h e l o v eoJ G o d h a s r e a c h e d t h e s a m e p r o p o r t i o n s a s t h ed i s i n t e g r a t i o n o t h e l o v e o J m a n

L ove and I ts i s in t eg ra t i on

F LOVE is a capacity of the mature,productive character, it follows that

the capacity to love in .an individualliving in any given culture depends onthe inf luence this cul ture has on thecharacter of the average person. If wespeak about love in contemporaryWest ern culture, we mean to askwhether the social structure of West-ern civilization and the spirit res ultingfrom it are conducive to the develop-ment of love. To raise the question isto answer it in the negative. No objec-tive observer of our Western life candoubt that love --b roth erl y love,motherly love, and erotic love--is arelatively rare phenomenon, and that

its place is taken by a number of formsof pseudo-love which are in reality somany forms of the disintegration oflove.

Capitalistic society is based on theprinciple of political .freedom on theone hand, and of the market as theregulator of all economic, hence socialrelations, on the other. The commoditymarket determines the conditions un-

This article is a condensation from achapter in T h e A r t o f L o v i n gthe currentPastoral Psychology Book Club Selection.Copyright 1956 by Erich Fromm; publishedby Harper & Brothers, and reprinted bypermission.

E R I H F R O M M

der which commodities are exchanged,the labor market regulates the acquisi-tion and sale of labor. Both usefulthings and useful human energy andskL1 are transformed into commoditieswhich are exchanged without the useof force and without fraud under theconditions of the market. Shoes, usefuland needed as they may be, have noeconomic value (exchange value) ifthere is no demand for them on themarket; human energy and skill arewithout exchange value if there is nodemand for them unde r existing mark-et conditions. The o wner of capital can

buy labor and command it to work forthe profitable investment of his capital.The owner of labor must sell it tocapitalists under the existing marketconditions, unless he is to starve. Thiseconomic structure is reflected in ahierarchy of values. Capital commandslabor, amassed things, that which isdead; it is of superior value to labor,to human powers, to that which isalive.

This has been the basic structure ofcapitalism since its beginning. B utwhile it is still characteristic of mod er ncapitalism, a number of factors have



8

c h a n g e d w h i c h g i v e c o n t e m p o r a r y c a p -i t a l i sm i t s spec i f i c qua l i t i e s and wh ichh a v e a p r o f o u n d i n f l u e n c e o n t h e c h a r -a c t e r s t r u c t u r e o f m o d e r n m a n . A s th er e s u l t o f t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f c a p i ta l i smw e w i t n es s a n e v e r - i n c r e a s i n g p r o ce s so f c e n t r a l i z a t i o n a n d c o n c e n t r a t i o n o ~c a p i t a l. T h e l a rg e e n t e r p r i s e s g r o w i ns i z e c o n t i n u o u s l y, t h e s m a l l e r o n e s a r es q u e e z e d o u t . T h e o w n e r s h i p o f c a p i t a li n v e s t e d i n t h e s e e n t e r p r i s e s i s m o r ea n d m o r e s e p a r a t e d f r o m t h e f u n c t io no f m a n a g i n g t h em . H u n d r e d s o f t h o u -

s a n d s o f s t o c k h o l d e r s o w n t h e e n -t e r p r i s e ; a m a n a g e r i a l b u r e a u c r a c yw h i c h i s w e l l p a i d , b u t w h i c h d o e s n o tow n the e n t e rp r i s e , marLages i t. Th i sb u r e a u c r a c y i s l e s s i n t e r e s t e d i n m a k -i n g m a x i m u m p r o f i ts t h a n i n t h e e x -p a n s i o n o f t h e e n t e r p r i s e , a n d i n t h e i ro w n p o w e r. T h e i n c r e a si n g c o n c e n tr a -t i o n o f c a p i t a l a n d t h e e m e rg e n c e o f ap o w e r f u l m a n a g e r i a l b u r e a u c r a c y a r ep a r a l l e l e d b y t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f t iml a b o r m o v e m e n t . T h r o u g h t h e u n i o n -i z a t i o n o f l a b o r, th e i n d i v i d u a l w o r k e rd o e s n o t h a v e t o b a rg a i n o n t h e l a b o rm a r k e t b y a n d f o r h , m s e l f , b u t h e i su n i t e d i n b i g l a b o r u n i o n s , a l s o l e d b ya p o w e r f u l b u r e a u c r a c y w h i c h r e p r e -s e n t s h i m v i s - g - v i s t h e i n d u s t r i a l c o -l o ss i. T h e i n i t i a t iv e h a s b e e n s h i f t e d ,f o r b e t t e r o r w o r s e , i n t h e f i el d s o f c a p -i t a l a s w e l l a s i n t h o s e o f l a b o r, f r o m

t h e i n d i v i d u a l t o t h e b u r e a u c r a c y, A ni n c r e a s i n g n u m b e r o f p e o p l e c e a s e t ob e i n d e p e n d e n t , a n d b e c o m e d e p e n d e n to n t h e m a n a g e r s o f t h e g r e a t e c o n o m i ce m p i r e s .

N O T H E R d e ci si v e f e a t u r e r e s u lt -m g f r o m t h is c o n c en t ra t io n o f

c a p i t a l , a n d c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f m o d e r nc a p i t a l i sm , l i e s in t h e s p e ci f ic w a y o ft h e o rg a n i z a t i o n o f w o r k . Va s t l y c e n -t r a l i z e d e n t e r p r i s e s w i t h a r a d i c a l d i -v i s i o n o f l a b o r l e a d t o a n o rg a n i z a t i o no f w o r k w h e r e t h e i n d i v i d u a l l o s e s h i si n d i v i d u a l i t y, w h e r e h e b e c o m e s a n e x -

P S T O R L P S Y C H O L O G Y

p e n d a b l e c o g i n t h e m a c h i n e ; t h e h u -m a n p r o b l e m o f m o d e r n c a p i ta l is m c anb e , f o r m u l a t e d i n t h i s w a y :

M o d e r n c a p i t a l i s m n e e d s m e n w h oc o - o p e r a t e s m o o t h l y a n d i n l a r g e n u m -b e r s ; w h o w a n t t o c o n s u m e m o r e a n dm o r e ; a n d w h o s e t a s t e s a r e s t a n d a r d -i z e d a n d c a n b e e a s i l y i n f l u e n c e d a n da n t i c i p a t e d . I t n e e d s m e n w h o f e e lf r e e a n d i n d e p e n d e n t , n o t s u b j e c t t oa n y a u t h o r i t y o r p r i n c i p l e o r c o n -s c i e n c e - - y e t w i l l in g to b e c o m m a n d e d ,t o d o w h a t i s e x p e c t e d o f t h e m , t o

f i t i n to t he soc i a l mach ine v~ i thou t f r i c -t i o n ; w h o c a n b e g u i d e d w i t h o u t f o r c e ,l e d w i t h o u t l e a d e r s , p r o m p t e d w i t h o u ta i m - - e x c e p t th e o n e to m a k e g o o d , t ob e o n t h e m o v e , t o f u n c t i o n , t o g oa h e a d .

W h a t i s t h e o u t co m e ? M o d e r n m a ni s a l i e n at e d f r o m h i m s d f , f r o m h i sf e ll o w m e n , a n d f r o m n a t u r e. H e h a sb e e n t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o a c o m m o d i t y,e x p e r i e n c e s h i s l i f e f o r c e s a s a n i n -v e s t m e n t w h i c h m u s t b r i n g h im t h em a x i m u m p r o f it o bt a i n ab l e u n d e r e x -i s t in g m a r k e t c o n d i ti o n s . H u m a n r e l a -t i o n s a r e e s s e n t i a l l y t h o s e o f a l i e n a t e da u t o m a t o n s , e a c h b a s i n g h i s s e c u r i tyo n s t a y i n g c lo s e t o t h e h e r d , a n d n o tb e i a g d i f f e r e n t i n t h o u g h t , f e e l i n g o ra c t io n . W h i l e e v e r y b o d y t ri e s t o b e a sc l o s e a s p o s s i b l e t o t h e r e s t , e v e r y b o d yr e m a i n s u t t e r l y a l o n e , p e r v a d e d b y t h e

d e e p s e n s e o f i n s e c u r i t y, a n x i e t y a n dg u i l t w h i c h a l w a y s r e s u l t s w h e n h u -m a n s e p a r a t e n e s s c a n n o t b e o v e r c o m e .O u r c i v il i za t io n o f f e r s m a n y p a l l ia t i v e sw h i c h h e l p p e o p l e to b e c o n s c i o u s ly u n -a w a r e o f t h i s a l o n e n e s s : f i r s t o f a l lt h e s t ri c t r o u t in e o f b u r e a u c r a ti z e d ,m e c h a n i c a l w o r k , w h i c h h e l p s p e o p l et o r e m a i n u n a w a r e o f t h e i r m o s t f u n -d a m e n t a l h u m a n d e s i re s , o f t h e l o n g i n gf o r t r a n s c e n d e n c e a n d u n i t y. I n a s m u c ha s t h e r o u t i n e a l o n e d o e s n o t s u c c e e di n t h i s , m a n o v e r c o m e s h i s u n c o n s c i o u sd e s p a ir b y th e r o u t i n e ' o f a m u s e m e n t,t h e p a s s i v e c o n s u m p t i o n o f so u n d s a n d



40 PASTORAL

s ights offe red by the amusement in-dus t ry ; fu r the r mor e by the s a ti s fac t ionof buying ever new th ings , and soonexchang ing them fo r o the r s . Modernman i s ac tua l ly c lose to the p ic tureHuxley descr ibes in h is Brctve New

World: well fed, well c lad, sat isf iedsexual ly, ye t wi thout se l f , wi thout anyexcept the most super f ic ia l contac twi th h is fe l low men, gu ided by thes logans wh ich Hux ley fo rmula t ed sosucc inc t ly, such as : W he n the ind i -v idua l f ee l s , t he communi ty r ee l s ; o r

Nev e r p u t o ff t i ll t omo r row the funyou can have today , or, as the c row n-i n g s t a t em e n t : E v e r y b o d y is h a p p ynowadays . Man ' s happ ines s t odayconsi st s i n hav ing fun . Ha v in g funl ies in the sa t i s fac t ion of consumingand tak i ng in comm odi t ies , s igh ts ,food, dr inks, c igaret tes , people, lec-tu res , books, mo v ie s - - a l l a r e con -sumed, ~wal lowed. The wor ld i s onegrea t ob jec t for our appet i te , a b igapple , a b ig bot t le , a b ig breas t ; weare the sucklers , the eternal ly exlSeC-t en t ones , t he hope fu l ones - - and thee terna l ly d isappo in ted ones . Ou r char-ac te r i s geared to exchange and to re -ce ive , to b ar te r and to consum e ; every -th ing , sp i r i tua l as wel l as mater ia l ob-jec ts , becomes an objec t of exchangeand of consumpt ion .

H E S I T U A T I O N a s f a r a s lo veis concerned cor responds , as i t has

to by necess i ty, to th i s soc ia l charac tero f mode rn man . Au toma tons canno tlove ; t hey can exchange the i r pe r son -a l i ty packa ges and hope for a fa i rbarga in . One of the most s ign i f icantexpress io ns of love, and espec ia l ly ofmar r i age w i th t h i s a l i ena t ed s t ruc tu re ,i s t he i dea o f t he t eam. In any num-be r o f a r t i c l e s on happy mar r i age , t heidea l descr ibed i s tha t of the smooth lyfunct ioning team. This descr ip t ion i snot tOO different from the idea of asmoo th ly func t ion ing employee ; he

PSYCHOLOGY November

shou ld be r ea sonab ly i ndependen t ,co-opera t ive , to le ran t , and a t the same

t ime ambi t ious and aggress ive . Thus ,the marr iage counse lor te l l s us , thehusband shou ld unde r s t and h i s w i feand be he lpfu l . He should commentfavorably on her new dress , and on atas ty d ish . She , in turn , should under-s tand when he comes home t i red anddisgrunt led , she should l i s ten a t ten t ive-ly when he talks about his businesst roubles , should not be angry but un-de r s t and ing when he fo rge t s he r b i r t h -

day. Al l th i s k ind of re la t ionshipanaounts to is the well-oi led relat ionsh ipbe tween two pe r sons who r ema ins t rangers a l l the i r l ives , who neverar r ive a t a cent ra l re la t ionship , bu twho t rea t each o ther wi th cour tesy andwho a t tempt to make each o ther fee lbet ter.

In th i s concept of love and marr iagethe main emphas is i s on f ind ing a re -fuge f rom an o the rwi se unbea rab l esense of a loneness . In love one hasfound, at last , a haven from aloneness.One , forms an al l iance of two againstthe wor ld , and th is egoism d deu r ismis taken for love and in t imacy.

The emphas is on team sp i r i t , mutua lto le rance and so for th i s a re la t ive lyrecent deve lopment . I t was preceded ,i n th e y e a r s a f t e r t h e F i r s t Wo r l d W a r,by a concept of love in which nmtual

sexual sa t i s fac t ion was supposed tobe the bas is for sa t i s fac tory love re la -t ions , and espec ia l ly for a happ y mar-r iage . I t w as be l ieved tha t the reasonsfor the . f requent unhappiness in mar-r iage were to be found in tha t the mar-r iage par tners had not made a cor rec tsexua l ad jus tm en t ; t he r ea son fo r

th is fau l t was seen in the ignorancerega rd ing co r r ec t s exua l behav io r,hence the fa i lure in the sexual tech-n ique of one or bo th par tners . In orderto cure th i s fau l t, and to he lp theunfor tuna te couples who could not loveeach o ther, many books gave ins t ruc-



1956 L O V E N D I T S D I S I N T E G R T I O N 41

t i o n s a n d c o u n s e l c o n c e r n i n g t h e c o r -r e ct s e x u a l b e h a v i o r , a n d p r o m i s e d

i m p l i c i t l y o r e x p l i c i t l y t h a t h a p p i n e s sa n d l o v e w o u l d f o ll o w. T h e u n d e r l y i n gi d e a w a s t h a t l o v e i s t h e c h i l d o f s e x -ua l 9 l ea su re , and tha t i~ two peop lel e a r n h o w t o s a t i s f y e a c h o t h e r s e x u a l -ly, t hey wi l l l ove each o the r. I t f i t t edt h e g e n e r a l i l l u s io n o f t h e t i m e t o a s -s u m e t h a t u s i n g t h e r i g h t t e c h n i q u e si s t h e s o l u t i o n n o t o n l y t o t e c h n i c a lp r o b l e m s o f i n d u s t r i a l p r o d u c t i o n , b u to f a l l h u m a n p r o b l e m s a s w e ll . O n ei g n o r e d t h e f a c t t h a t t h e c o n t r a r y o ft h e u n d e r l y i n g a s s u m p t i o n i s t r u e .

L o v e i s n o t t h e r e s u l t o f a d e q u a t es e x u a l s a t i s f a c t i o n , b u t s e x u a l h a p p i -n e s s - e v e n t h e k n o w l e d g e o f t h e s o -c a l l e d s e x u a l t e c h n i q u e - - - i s t h e r e s u l t9 f lo v e . I,f a s i d e f r o m e v e r y d a y o b -s e r v a t i o n t h i s t h e s i s n e e d e d t o b ep r o v e d , s u c h p r o o f c a n b e f o u n d i na m p l e m a t e r i a l o f p s y c h o a n a l y t i c d a t a .

T h e s t u d y o f t h e m o s t f re q u e n t s e x u a lp r o b l e m s - - f r i g i d i t y i n w o m e n , a n d t h em o r e o r l e s s s e v e r e f o r m s o f p s y c h i ci m p o t en c e i n m e n - - s h o w s t h at t h ecause do es no t l i e in a l ack o~ kno w l -e d g e o f t h e r i g h t t e c h n i q u e , b u t i n t h ei n h i b i t i o n s w h i c h m a k e i t i m p o s s i b l e

t o lo v e. F e a r o f o r h a t r e d f o r t h e o t h e rs e x a r e a t t h e b o t t o m o f t h o s e d i f f i -

c u l t i e s w h i c h p r e v e n t a p e r s o n f r o mg i v i n g h i m s e l f c o m p l e t e ly, f r o m a c t i n gs p o n t a n e o u s l y, f r o m t r u s t i n g t h e s e x -u a l p a r t n e r i n t h e i m m e d i a c y an d d i -r e c t n e s s o f p h y s i c a l c l o se n e s s . I f as e x u a l l y i n h ib i t e d p e r so n c a n e m e r g e, f r o m f e a r o r h a t e , a n d h e n c e b e c o m ec a p a b l e o f l o v in g , h is o r h e r s e x u a lp r o b l e m s a r e s o l v e d . I,f n o t , n o a m o u n to f knowledge ~ /bou t s exua l t e chn iquesw i l l h e l p . . . .

O V E a s m u t u a l s e x u a l s a ti s fa c t io n ,a n d l o v e a s t e a m w o r k a n d a s a

h a v e n f r o m a l o n en e s s , a r e t h e t w o" n o r m a l " f o r m s o f t h e d i s i n t e g r a t i o no f l o v e i n m o d e r n W e s t e r n s o c ie t y,t h e s o c i a l l y p a t t e r n e d p a t h o l o g y ~ f l o v e .T h e r e a r e m a n y i n di v id u a li ~ ze d f o r m so f t h e p a t h o l o g y o f l o ve , w h i c h r e s u l ti n c o n sc i o u s s u f f e ri n g a n d w h i c h a r e

c o n s i d e r e d n e u r o t i c b y p s y c h i a t r i s t sa n d a n i n c r e a s i n g n u m b e r o f l a y m e na l ik e . S o m e o f th e m o r e f r e q u e n t o n e sa r e b r i e f l y d e s c r i b e d in t h e f o l l o w i n gc h a p t e r s . . . .

( O n e f r e q u e n t e r r o r m u s t be m e n -t i o n e d h e r e . T h e i l lu s i o n , n a m e l y, t h a t

C O M M U N I O N TA BL ESPULPITS * CHAIRS

ALTARS * LECTERNSBAPTISMAL FONTS

O a t h ; c , R o m a n e s q u e , C o l o n l d ~~ I ~ M J a n d E a rly A m e r ic a n d e s ig n s I t>I ~ I I E L h a r m o n i ze v ~ th e v e r y e d if ic e .

,Send f o r i l l u s t r le d C a / o l o lpunc tu re fo r Amer i ca s ChurchN

Since 1897

J . P. R E D I N G T O N C O ,D S P T , 1 2 8 S C R A N T O N 2 , P I N N A ,



42

O W N S HOIR

S a t i s f a c ti o n i n E v e r y S t it c h s i n c e 1 9 1 2

S U PE R IO R W O R K M A N S H I PQ U A L I T Y FA B R I C S

PERFECT FIT GUA RAN TEED

7 W EST 36 S T . NEW YORK 18 N.Y.

love means necessarily the absence ofconflict. Just as it is customary forpeople to believe that pain and sadnessshould be avoided under all circum-stances, they believe that love meansthe absence of any conflict. And theyfind good reasons for this idea in thefact that the struggles around themseem only to be destructive inter-

changes which bring no good to eitherone of those concerned. But the reasonfor this lies in the fact that the con-flicts of most people are actually at-tempts to avoid the real conflicts. Theyare disagreements on minor or super-ficial matters which by their very na-ture do not lend themselves to clarifica-tion or solution. Real conflicts betweentwo people, those which do not serveto cover up or to project, but which are

experienced in the deep level of innerreality to which they belong, are notdestructive. They lead to clarification,they produce a catharsis from whichboth persons emerge with more knowl-edge and more strength. This leads usto emphasize aga in somet hing saidabove.)

Love is possible only if two personscommunicate with each other from thecenter of their existence, hence if eachone of them experiences himself fromthe center of his existence. Only in this

central experience is huma n reality,onl); here is aliveness, only here is the

PA S T O R A L P S Y C H O L O G Y

basis for love. Love, experienced thus,is a const ant challenge ; it is not a re st-

ing place, but a moving, growing,working together; even whether thereis harmony or cordlict, joy or sadness,is secondary to the fundamental factthat two people experience themselvesfrom the essence of their existence,that they are one with each other bybeing one with themselves, rather thanby fleeing from themselves. There isonly one proof for the presence oflove: the depth of the relationship, and

the aliveness, strength and joy in eachperson concerned; this is the fruit bywhich love is recognized.

Just as automatons cannot love eachother they cannot love God. The disintegrat ion of the love o f Godhasreached the same proportions as thedisintegration of the love of man. Thisfact is in blatant contradiction to theidea that we are witnessing a religious

renaissance in this epoch. Not hin gcould be further from the truth. Whatwe witness (even though there are ex-ceptions) is a regression to an idolatricconcept of God, and a transformationof the love o,f God into a relationshipfitting an alienated character structure.

The regression to an idolatric conceptof God is easy to see. Feople areanxious, w;thout principles or faith,they find themselves without an aim

except the one to move ahead; hencethey continue to remain children, tohope for father or mother to come totheir help when help ig needed.

RUE, in religious cultures, likethat of the Middle Ages, the aver-

age.man also looked at God as to ahelping father and mother. But at thesame time he took God seriously also,in the sense that the paramount goalof his life was to live according toGod's principles, to make salvationthe supreme concern to which all otheractivities were subordin ated. Today,



44 PA S T O R A L P S Y C H O L O G Y

nothin g of such effort is present. Dailyli& is strictly separated from any reli-

gious values. It is devoted to the striv-ing for material comforts, and for suc-cess on the personality market. Theprinciples on which our secular effortsare built are those of indifference andegotism (the latter often labeled as

individualism, or individual initia-tive ). Man of truly religious culturesmay be compared with children at theage of eight, who need father as ahelper, but who begin to adopt histeachings .and principles in their lives.Contemporary man is rather like achild of three, who cries for .fatherwhen he needs him, and otherwise isquite self-sufficient when he can play.

In this respect, in the infantile de-pendence on an anthropomorphic pic-ture of God without the transformationof life according to the principles ofGod, we .are closer to a primitive idola-tric tribe than to the religious cultureof the Middle Ages. In another respectour religious situation shows featureswhich are new, and characteristie onlyof contemporary Western capitalisticsociety. I can refer to statements madein a previous part of this book. Modernman has transformed himself into acomlnodity: he experiences his lifeenergy as an invest ment with which

ne should make the highest profit, con-sidering his position and the situationon the personality market. He is alien-ated from himself, from his fellowmen and &ore nature. His main aim isprofitable exchange of his skills, knowl-edge, and of himself, hi s personali typackage with others who are equallyintent on a fair and profitable ex-change. Life has no goal except the

ane to move, no principle except theone of fair exchange, no satisfactionexcept the one to consume.

What can the concept of God mean

under these circumstances ? It is trans-formed from its original religious

meaning into one fitting the alienatedculture of success. In the religious re-vival of recent times, the belief in Godhas been transformed into a psycho-logical device to make one better fittedfor the competitive struggle.

Religion allies itself with auto-sug-gestion and, psychotherapy to help manin his business activities. In the twen-ties one had not yet called up on God

fgr purposes of impr oving one's per-sonali ty. The best- seller o,f thatperiod, Dale Carnegie's H o w t o W i nF r i e n d s a n d [ z f lu e n c e P e o p l e re-mained on a strictly secular level.Wjlat was the function of Carnegie'sbook at that time is the funct ion of ourgreatest best-seller today, T h e P o w e ro f P o s it iv e T h i n k i n yby the ReverendN. V. Peale. In this religious book itis not even questioned whether ourdominant concern with success is initself in accordance with the spirit ofmonotheistic religion. On the contrary,this supreme aim is never doubted, butbelief in .God and prayer is recom-mended as a means to increase one'sability to do business. Just as modernpsychiatrists recommend happiness ofthe employee, in order to be more ap-pealing to the customers, some min-isters recommend love o,f God in orderto be more successful. Make Godyour partne r means to make God apartner in business, rather than to be-come one with Him in love, justice andtruth. Just as brotherly love has beenreplaced by impersonal fairness, Godhas been transformed into a remoteGeneral Director of Universe, Inc.;you know that He is there, He runs theshow (although it would probably runwithout Him too), you never see Him,but you acknowledge His leadershipwhile you are doing your part.

pastoral psychology volume 7 issue 8 1956 [doi 10.1007%2fbf01564942] erich fromm -- love and its...

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