parks and rec spec script: fat pants - andything · pdf fileint. parks and rec office -- day...
TRANSCRIPT
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
LESLIE KNOPE talking head:
LESLIE
After being named one of America’s fattest
and ugliest towns seven years in a row, the
Pawnee government has decided to overhaul
their fitness program for the benefit of the
city’s numerous fatsos. And, even better
news, they are holding a board meeting
where members of the parks department can
pitch ideas for a fitness ad on TV.
CUT TO:
JERRY is sitting at his desk, about to eat a chocolate bar when LESLIE quickly
snatches it from his hand.
LESLIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It’s a fantastic idea, I’m really getting into the
fitness spirit.
JERRY attempts to open a large bag of chips, but LESLIE dramatically rises
from behind, slams the bag out of his hands and replaces it with a stick of
celery.
JERRY TALKING HEAD:
JERRY
Leslie keeps taking my food. I don’t even want
junk food. I just want something to eat.
(to DONNA)
Please?
DONNA looks at JERRY for a while, then gives him an energy bar. The camera
focuses on the window behind JERRY where LESLIE perks up at her desk.
LESLIE
Jerry no! Everyone, Jerry’s doing something
bad.
2.
The rest of the members of the office, TOM, APRIL, and RON get up, surround
JERRY and begin treating him like a dog who has something in his mouth,
shouting commands at him all at once. He shakes his head and keeps his lips
shut tight.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Jerryy... Drop it! No! Spit it out Jerry.
LESLIE grabs Jerry’s mouth and forces him to him to spit out the food.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
We did it everyone. Merry Fitness
to all. God bless us everyone.
Everyone claps and congratulates one another. JERRY looks pleadingly at the
camera.
INTRO SEQUENCE
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
LESLIE enters the main office and calls for everyone’s attention.
LESLIE
Listen up, they’ve asked us for help in making
an ad for the new government fitness
program. You know, to make it easier for
everyone to swallow.
RON
I don’t think Pawnee needs help swallowing
anything.
TOM
Heeeyo!
RON and TOM both high five.
LESLIE
Yeah, yeah that was an easy one, I lobbed
that right over the plate. Okay--
3.
TOM
You might have to elaborate on that plate
situation, I doubt any of these tubbos have
played any sports.
RON
OOOOkay!
TOM and RON high five again.
TOM
Also because they’ll think you mean a “plate”
of food.
LESLIE
Okay that was pretty good. A double joke. Two
jokes. Funnier. But seriously, the Pawnee
government is going to have a meeting this
Friday where we can pitch ideas for their
fitness campaign.
APRIL
That sounds awful. I don’t want to do that. Why
would anyone want to do that.
LESLIE
Because TV! They’re going to create a town-
wide commercial for whatever pitch wins.
APRIL
I still don’t want to do that at all, really.
LESLIE
Well too bad, I want you guys to all have a
pitch. We want the heavy hitters in the
government to know the parks department
can pull its own weight in this town.
LESLIE begins walking into her office when she pokes her head out of the
doorway.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Don’t make a joke about the “heavy hitters”
thing.
4.
TOM and RON both give knowing glances to the camera.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Or the other thing. The pulling the weight
thing. Bye!
TOM
I didn’t even think of that one. Nice one,
Leslie.
LESLIE (O.S.)
No! Not nice!
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE -- DAY
MARK enters LESLIE’s office bashfully.
MARK
Hey Leslie, can I talk to you?
LESLIE
Literally any time.
MARK
I know how excited you are about this whole
fitness program, I just wanted to offer my help.
Whatever I can do.
LESLIE
Wow, Mark, thank you. Why so interested?
MARK
Well, if you must know, I was the chubby kid in
school. This program is something I can
relate to.
APRIL looks up from her desk at TOM and grins at MARK, causing him to shift
uncomfortably.
LESLIE
Oh my god, that’s adorable. I’m sure I can
think of something. Wait, wait, do you have
your fat pants still? Please say you have your
fat pants.
5.
MARK
My what?
LESLIE
Your fat pants! You know, your pants you had
when you were fat. You can put them on to
show how much weight you lost. Wait. I just
got an idea. Do you think you could fit a
watermelon between you and your fat pants
waistband?
MARK
Huh? They might still be around somewhere,
but I was just a k--
LESLIE
Perfect! This is going to be just what we need.
A real story people can get inspired by. Wait,
Ann didn’t used to be fat did she? We could
do a fat couple angle. Could she fit into one of
your fat pant legs?
MARK
No. But I can ask her if she wants to help.
LESLIE
Awesome, I’ll think of some more ideas for
the fat pants.
LESLIE, with a big grin on her face looks up, lost in thought, thinking of more
ideas. MARK stares at her for a beat, then exits.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT HALLWAYS -- DAY
ANDY is shining a random government worker’s shoes when TOM
approaches.
TOM
Hey, And-dawg. You’re a musician right?
ANDY
Yeah! I totally am!
6.
TOM
Well I have an idea for this fitness pitch and I
need your help. It’s important.
ANDY
Really? No way. Okay. Hold on.
(to the random government
worker)
Get the hell out of here, Gus. We’re talking
business.
The government worker gets up and starts to walk away, confused.
ANDY (CONT'D)
Yeah, just tip me and go. Jerk.
(to Tom)
Okay, what’s up?
TOM
Alright check it. You know how rappers are
always doing songs about parts of a lady?
There’s the Black Eyed Peas song about
boob lumps and Sir Mix A-lot did “Baby Got
Back.”
ANDY
Yeah, he loved girls’ backs.
TOM
Sure. I have an idea for not only a song, but a
whole new brand of music. This thing is going
to revolutionize clubs, swagger, objectifying
women, and all that cool stuff. You’re going to
go nuts for this thing.
ANDY
Yes I want to do it. Please let me help make
your lady thing.
TOM
Check this this out: Ab Rap. Rab.
(does a twirl and points at Andy)
It’s rap about Abs.
7.
ANDY
Yeah! Plus a lot of things rhyme with ab.
Grab... and a ton others!
TOM
Okay, yeah sure that’s fine. I’ll leave the
technical stuff to you.
ANDY
Perfect.
(To random worker passing by)
You hear that? Abs! Awesome.
(pokes worker in belly)
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
RON and APRIL both sit at their desks grimacing as LESLIE enters.
LESLIE
Hey! Stop all that frowning. No one ever got fit
with a frown. Except they do say it uses more
muscles. Which would mean you’re burning
calories. Just stop frowning, I don’t like it.
RON
I don’t believe in fitness.
RON TALKING HEAD:
RON (CONT'D)
I believe that everyone has the right to be as
enormously fat as they would like. The fact
that the government wants to regulate fitness
makes me sick. But the kind of sick where I
want to eat more to spite them. Instead of
throwing up. Like a reverse sick.
APRIL TALKING HEAD:
APRIL
I’m tired of all these causes. Also I’m just
regular tired too.
8.
LESLIE gathers her things and gets ready to leave, RON and APRIL refuse to
move.
LESLIE
Let’s go guys. You should put your heads
together, I’m sure you’ll come up with
something awesome that’ll bring people
together and keep them fit. Like a new sport
or something! Something people could play in
our parks. Actually maybe I’ll do that. Oh wait
no I have the fat pants thing. Nevermind! Make
a sport. Stop frowning. Bye.
RON and APRIL look up at each other and shrug.
CUT TO:
INT. RON SWANSON’S OFFICE -- DAY
RON and APRIL sit at Ron’s desk, coming up with a plan for their fitness pitch.
RON
Okay so the sport definitely can’t bring people
together.
APRIL
Duh.
RON
Stop saying “duh,” would you?
APRIL
Fine.
RON
If you could play a sport, what would you want
to do in the sport? Don’t say “duh” your
answer. I can see in your eyes that you want
to.
APRIL
I don’t know. Sports are dumb. Leave me
alone.
9.
RON
Hey, that’s not bad...
APRIL
I didn’t say anything.
RON
No, listen to this. Our sport could be “Leave
Me Alone.”
APRIL
No. Ugh. (beat) What do you mean? You just
don’t talk to anyone?
RON
Yeah, or something like that. You don’t
interact with anyone and you win big.
APRIL
So you win by having people not look at you or
talk to you?
They look at each other and grin, then APRIL returns to her usual stoic look.
APRIL (CONT'D)
You’re losing pretty bad right now with all this
talking.
RON
You’re losing much worse. You’ve been
chatting it up all day.
They both get up from their seats and quickly exit the room, trying to find a place
where they can be left alone.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT HALLWAYS -- DAY
ANDY is sitting on his shoe shining bench, strumming his guitar thinking Ab
Rap lyrics. APRIL approaches.
APRIL
Andy, quick, I need a place where people will
leave me alone. It’s a sports thing.
10.
ANDY
Aww why would you want to do that? I love
making new friends. I met some cool
teenagers earlier today. We were talking
about “blog” for about 2 hours until I realized
“blog” isn’t the name of Shrek’s house. I
haven’t seen them since.
APRIL
So they left you alone?
ANDY
No, I’m pretty sure they’ll be back. They said
they’re going to look me up on “Facebox.” Isn’t
that hilarious?
APRIL
Yeah? I’m more of an inside laugher, though.
ANDY
Yeah, I know that about you.
APRIL
So you were positive and nice, and then they
left you alone?
ANDY
Yeah totally! Except I’m pretty sure they’ll be
back.
A sheepish grin appears on APRIL’s face. Her ANDY stand in silence.
APRIL
I better get going.
INT. LESLIE KNOPE’S OFFICE -- DAY
LESLIE sits at her desk with MARK when ANN enters.
ANN
What is this, Leslie? Why did you text me “fat
pants 911?”
11.
LESLIE
It’s a fat pants emergency!
(points to MARK)
MARK
Hi Ann. She’s excited about this whole
government fitness thing. I told her how I used
to be a chubby kid.
ANN
Oh my god, you were? How adorable.
ANN TALKING HEAD
ANN (CONT'D)
I kind of have a thing for guys who need to be
nurtured. Kind of like how I stayed with Andy
and took care of him when both his legs were
broken. Or kind of like how I’m a nurse and
my entire career is nurturing. Also a good
portion of my friendship with Leslie is
nurturing. Wow, I’m still talking.
END TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
Mark. Need pants. No time to talk in full
sentences. Get pants now!
ANN
That actually might be a good idea, Mark. You
could show the people how you lost weight. It
would be inspiring.
MARK
I don’t know. I think I got slimmer by getting
taller.
ANN
Really? Nobody made fun of you, or grabbed
your chubby cheeks and made you want to
lose weight?
ANN snuggles up closer to MARK.
12.
MARK
Hmm, not really. I thought you could use your
years of medical training to give real medical
advice. You know, instead of just using a story
of how I lose my baby fat.
ANN
(hugs ANDY)
Awwwww! Fat baby.
ANN’s outburst catches LESLIE’s attention.
LESLIE
Okay you’re still here.
(trying to pry ANN off MARK)
Get off of there, you. Imagine how much you’ll
want to cuddle once you get me Mark’s pants
from when he was fat and pictures and
heartwarming stories! We’re gonna be on TV!
Go.
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- MORNING
LESLIE gets up from her desk to make an announcement.
LESLIE
Okay everyone. Listen up. Also gather ‘round.
Gather and then listen. In that order.
TOM
What?
LESLIE
Just get over here. Oh my god Jerry, walk any
slower?
JERRY finally arrives to the huddle. RON and APRIL look worried that they
might have to interact with others and lose the game.
13.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Hey, you’ve all had about a day to come up
with some fitness promotion ideas, what do
you all h--
CUT TO:
INT. PARKS AND REC CONFERENCE ROOM -- MORNING
DONNA sits in the conference relaxing and drinking a cup of coffee. She calls
out to LESLIE.
DONNA
Wouldn’t it be better if we did this in the
conference room? Everyone could see
everyone easier. Plus more exercise walking
over here to where I am sitting.
LESLIE
That’s a good idea. Everyone get in there. Try
to get some exercise on the way. Do an
exercise walk.
Everyone awkwardly attempts to exercise while walking. DONNA looks on from
the conference room, amused.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Alright let’s hear what ideas you guys can
bring to the table. Tom? Why don’t you start?
TOM
Hip Hop. Style. Dope music. No these are not
just the things I do best, these are the pillars
of my pitch. The perfect marriage of cool
things, fitness, and me.
RON
Why don’t we encourage people to remove all
their vestigial organs?
TOM
No. Andy and I are going to make a song
about abs. Like about a sexy girl’s abs. To
promote fitness in the town or whatever.
14.
(MORE)
Rhyme ideas include: phenominal/abdominal
and ab/grab. No one’s ever done anything like
this before. I think it could really catch on.
RON
No seriously. Let’s do the vestigial organ
thing. You could lose a pound or two after you
cut them all out.
RON TALKING HEAD
RON (CONT’D)
Vestigial is just another word for “trash that is
attached to you.”
END TALKING HEAD
TOM
Please stop talking, Ron. Just imagine a
world where a woman can feel empowered by
her buff toned abs rather than her lady humps
and lumps. They could wear t-shirts with
holes cut out to show their abs.
Everyone is silent for a beat and stares at TOM. TOM looks to ANDY for input,
but he smiles at him absent mindedly.
TOM (CONT'D)
An ab window!
Silence continues.
TOM (CONT'D)
Fitness!
LESLIE
(suddenly brought to attention by
mention of fitness)
Oh! Well I thought that was pretty good Tom. A
t-shirt could help raise awareness. T-shirt
was pretty much the only word I understood.
Donna and Jerry? What do you guys have for
us.
15.
TOM (CONT'D)
DONNA and JERRY are both eating a pie.
DONNA
Yep.
JERRY
Fitness.
LESLIE
Wow. Impressive. Okay moving on. April and
Ron? Anything?
APRIL and RON share knowing glances with one another. Neither of them is
willing to talk and lose their game.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Okay it looks like you both are too excited to
talk. Ron, as a higher ranking park guy, let’s
hear what you have to say first.
RON
We did a thing.
LESLIE
What kind of thing?
ANDY
It sounds cool.
TOM
Tell us more about the thing!
RON winces, knowing he is losing the game.
RON
I don’t want to talk about the thing.
TOM
Ron, we have to know about this thing. I’m
tingling with excitment.
JERRY
Tell us about the thing! Before I start to get
mad!
16.
LESLIE
Ron! We’re talking to you a lot and you’re not
answering! We’re talking so much.
RON grimaces and shakes his head. APRIL smiles to herself, knowing she is
winning.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
What about April? She helped with the thing.
APRIL is stunned for a moment, then looks over to ANDY for inspiration. She
then forces a smile and begins to talk with enthusiasm.
APRIL
I love a thing! Wow, we’re just make a fun
sport game that’s got all the best things that
you love about parks and fitness and the
earth. Excitement! Enthusiasm.
TOM
Oh. I guess that sounds kinda cool.
LESLIE
I don’t really want to talk about that thing
anymore. In other news, I have something to
say:
RON gives APRIL a surprised look, realizing that she was able to avoid
conversing.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Okay, no offense, but I’ve kept the best thing
for the last thing. My thing! Ann and Mark!
ANN and MARK stand up and give a shy wave to everyone present.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Look how attractive they are. Sort of fit, and in
love. But it wasn’t always that way. Mark used
to be a sad, unhealthy kid with big old fat
pants that he wore.
LESLIE motions to MARK for him to reveal the pants. He freezes for a second.
17.
MARK
We... um... don’t have the fat pants yet.
LESLIE
Nevermind. Meeting over. Everyone did fine.
La la la, fitness I love it.
(to MARK, quietly and angrily.)
We need those pants. This was a disaster. I
really got egg white on my face this meeting.
Less cholesterol. Just a tip. Get out of here.
MARK and ANN walk out of the meeting. ANN is being more affectionate with
him than normal.
ANN
Is all that true? Were you sad because you
were a chubby kid?
MARK
Not that I remember. I didn’t know any
different. I think I was just a normal kid.
ANN
(gives MARK a big, sympathetic
hug)
Awww!
A concerned look appears on MARK’s face as he walks off with ANN.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT HALLWAYS -- DAY
TOM and ANDY are talking by ANDY’s shoe shining bench after the meeting.
ANDY is shining TOM’s shoes.
TOM
You really embarassed me out there, Andy.
ANDY
What did I do?
18.
TOM
You didn’t say one word! We’re in this
together, man. I’m the big picture guy, I need
you to fill in the details.
ANDY
I’m sorry man. I just don’t really understand
what you want me to do. I had an idea to go
up to a chicken and get in its face and start
dissing it in a rap. Like really make fun of it an
stuff. Is that close to what you want?
TOM
No! Oh my God, Andy. I’m going to make this
as simple as I can: Be like mid-90’s P. Diddy.
ANDY
Okay. No problem. I will be exactly like Peter
Diddly.
TOM
What? No. I’m so mad right now I could just
finish this magazine in silence while you
shine my shoes!
ANDY nods and continues shining.
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
LESLIE, MARK, and ANN sit in LESLIE’s office after the big meeting.
LESLIE
We’re scrambling we’re scramblin!
ANN
Calm down, Leslie! We can figure this out.
Mark just got off the phone with his mom, he’s
going to get the pants tomorrow after work.
LESLIE
Phew, perfect. I don’t think these pants I just
made are going to work.
LESLIE holds up pants haphazardly made with office scraps.
19.
ANN
I don’t think so either. Those are made out of
staples and printer paper.
LESLIE
I made a staple fly. But that’s not important.
We need the real thing.
MARK
I can get you the pants, but I can’t promise you
that they’ll be enough to get them to choose
you.
LESLIE
You’re right. That’s why I haven’t taken any
chances. I wrote a fantastic speech that will
melt the panel’s hearts about how the city of
Pawnee and her parks were responsible for
your miraculous weight loss.
MARK
They weren’t though... And it wasn’t exactly
miraculous.
LESLIE
You grew up in Pawnee though right?
MARK
Yeah.
LESLIE
Well then the city was responsible! You
wouldn’t have lost all that weight if you had
grown up in umm.. Candyland, or the center of
the Earth! You’d weigh a thousand pounds!
The gravity, you see.
MARK
I guess that might be true?
20.
INT. RON’S PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
RON and APRIL sit at their respective desks giving one another looks for a
while. RON breaks the staring contest by standing up and walking to the
window that separates APRIL from him.
RON
(after thinking for a moment)
I am mad and proud of you.
APRIL smiles at RON. Her phone then begins to ring.
APRIL
(on phone)
Hello? I’m sorry, Ron isn’t here right now, but
I’d like to talk!
(person on phone responds)
Oh okay, too bad. Call back soon!
APRIL hangs up the phone.
RON TALKING HEAD
RON
I’ve created a monster.
He then sits in silence for a moment.
RON (CONT'D)
No further questions.
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
JERRY and DONNA pick the pie they had just eaten out of their teeth with
toothpicks and lounge comfortably.
DONNA
I think that meeting went rather well.
DONNA and JERRY clink their forks together.
FADE OUT.
21.
INT. PAWNEE TOWN HALL -- MORNING
The whole staff sits in front of a panel of high ranking government officials.
TOM sits near ANDY with two attractive girls decked out in his ab shirts.
APRIL and RON are seated next to one another, staring straight forward,
avoiding eye contact with anyone.
LESLIE, ANN, and MARK sit by one another. LESLIE is almost too excited to
contain herself, while MARK looks visibly uncomfortable wearing tear away
pants while ANN clings onto his arm affectionately.
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
Let’s get this meeting underway. As you all
know, we have asked the Parks Department
to pitch a new city-wide fitness program that
we will promote in the media.
LESLIE nudges the people around her, including a stranger sitting next to her.
LESLIE
(whispering)
That means TV!
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
Shall we? You may begin the pitches.
TOM immediately stands up.
TOM
I’m sorry, sir. This can’t wait. It’s a hip hop
emergency. A rapmergency. Pawnee needs to
target the youth in order to combat this
problem of obestiy. How do we do that? With
flash and style, and no offense but I have the
most of that of anyone in this room.
(points to his shoes)
See these? Suede. Crocs. Only me and T-
Pain have a pair of these. I made them
myself. But anyway, we can reach these flabby
kids with something new, fly, fresh. I’m talking
ab culture people!
22.
TOM hits play on a boombox, which begins to play a hip hop beat and two girls
wearing shirts with the bellies cut out walk up to TOM and put their arms
around him.
TOM (CONT'D)
(to girls)
You guys couldn’t have done a few crunches
before you got here? I’m keeping those shirts.
(to panel)
By placing emphasis on abs being cool, you’ll
have kids all over the town doing whatever
they can to have a six pack ab all popping out
everywhere. So they can fit in! It’s fitness peer
pressure. Without further ado, here is the
Parks Department’s own Andy Dwyer with a
sample of what I like to call rab. It’s ab rap.
Peace.
ANDY stands up with his acoustic guitar, and his bandmate plays percussion.
ANDY
(singing [verse])
Just one part that I love on a lady, / just one
part of your body baby.
Girl you look phenominal, / I love your
abdominals. / It’s you I adore, / can’t get
enough of your core. / Yeah I love you
bunches, / please don’t stop doing crunches.
/ That’s right, I can’t get enough; / please don’t
stop doing sit-ups.
(chorus)
Girl you got abs, you know what I’m sayin’. /
Wanna give ‘em a grab, all day and / night.
(second verse)
You know I don’t mean to be a pest, / it’s just
you’re not like the rest. / If you’ll pardon the
pun, / I might be “absessed.” / These puns
might be getting out of control. / Do girls like
puns? I don’t know. / This song was rushed, I
confess. / By the way, baby, you look
“abulous.”
23.
(repeat chorus)
Girl you got abs, you know what I’m sayin’. /
Wanna give ‘em a grab, all day and / night.
A moment of silence follows ANDY’s performance. APRIL has a shy grin, but
TOM is not pleased. The girls he is attempting to flirt with seemed
unimpressed.
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
Thank you. Both of you. For that.
(beat) Would anyone else like to present?
LESLIE
(standing up with a comically
large stack of note cards)
Yes sir I would very much like to. The people
of Pawnee are very down to Earth. They are
more interested in things with heart and
emotion, rather than flashiness and exposed
midriff. I believe my fitness promotion will
touch their hearts, filling them with emotion,
and then touch their stomachs, emptying
them of excess food and flab.
(motioning to MARK)
This reasonably fit man you see before you
was once like many of the overweight youth in
Pawnee, out of shape, and unhappy, and
wearing big old pants. Mark, show them how
far you’ve come.
MARK stands up, and rips off his tear away pants reluctantly. It is revealed that
his childhood “fat pants” actually fit him rather well, only they are too short for
him, resembling capris. The government panel murmurs amongst
themselves.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Oh dear. Those are capris. Well Mark is much
taller now. So if you use your imagination you
can understand how far he’s come. In this
presentation, I will give 137 reasons why I
believe Mark’s story is--
24.
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
We love it.
LESLIE
Wow! Really. Outstanding. I can keep going,
though? I wrote a lot to say here on this
enormous stack of cards.
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
Those pants are fantastic.
LESLIE
Oh. Okay, I’m glad you like them but--
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
They would be very comfortable in the
summer. When it gets hot. Regular pants can
get constricting. We would like to promote
your fitness plan of selling men’s capri pants
to the citizens of Pawnee and making a lot of
money.
LESLIE
Wait, that’s not what I was pitching at all.
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
Oh, it wasn’t? Well then this one will be our
idea then. We’re going to sell a ton of these!
We’ll start productions on the commercials
soon. Thank you.
LESLIE is disappointed, but she walks out with proudly with her large stack of
cards.
TOM kicks off his custom made Crocs and walks out. The Crocs land on the
laps of JERRY and DONNA who had been napping. DONNA wrestles the
shoes out of JERRY’s hands and takes them for herself.
RON and APRIL are relieved, nod and smile at one another, and shake hands.
TOM
(to ANDY)
You weren’t fresh enough, man! I kept telling
you! Fresher!
25.
ANDY
I kept trying to tell you I didn’t know what that
meant, but I was too out of breath from all
those crunches you made me do.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
I’m almost glad they sort of didn’t choose my
pitch as the winner. If that’s the way they were
going to run the fitness campaign I don’t want
any part of it. Luckily, I still got to put my
speech to good use and reach a large
audience.
CUT TO:
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
LESLIE is reciting her speech about Parks and pants to a large tour group of
school children in the Parks and Recreation office. MARK’s pants are hanging
on the wall while he sits at his desk with a pleased look on his face.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE -- DAY
ANN and MARK are having coffee outside of the Parks and Rec offices.
MARK
Hey, so Ann. I like you.
ANN
I like you too...
MARK
That’s good to hear. I wanted to bring
something up though. About this whole
ordeal. With the pants.
ANN
Awww... the pants.
26.
MARK
Right, about that. Don’t get me wrong, I love
that you’re affectionate, it just seems like
recently it’s been... out of... habit.
ANN
What do you mean? I’ve been trying to be
supportive of you. Is it wrong to want
someone to feel better?
MARK
You already make me very happy. I’m not
used to someone caring about me like you
do. I think I’m just used to taking care of
myself. The only problem is: I’m not that good
at it. Children are being given 45 minute tours
of my fat pants daily. I’ve been too worn out to
do laundry.
MARK lifts up his button up shirt to reveal one of TOM’s ab shirts underneath,
serving as an undershirt. It reads “ABULOUS.” They both laugh.
ANN
Well, I am nurturing in some ways, but maybe
I can help, too. So you’re less overwhelmed.
MARK
Yeah. I’d like that.
ANN
Yeah.
(motioning to her pants)
Anyway, I really love these pants you invented.
They’ve been great now that’s it’s getting
warmer outside. They’re so breezy and fun.
MARK
Why does everyone keep acting like I invented
capris?
ANN
Huh?
27.
CREDIT SEQUENCE
RON and APRIL are sitting at their desks, yelling back and forth to one another.
RON
Hope you have a fabulous DAY, APRIL.
APRIL
I hope with all my HEART that you have an
even better one RON.
RON
Your KINDNESS is all I NEED to fill my DAY
with GOOD CHEER.
APRIL
GOOD.
RON
WONDERFUL.
APRIL
POSITIVITY.
RON
OPTIMISM.
They get louder and louder as they continue and by the end they are slamming
on their desks and throwing things.
APRIL
HAPPINESS.
RON
AN OVERALL LIGHT HEARTED AND FUN
ATTITUDE!
CUT TO:
INT. LESLIE KNOPE’S OFFICE -- DAY
LESLIE sits at her desk with a pleased smile while RON and APRIL continue
their violent shouting match.
28.
LESLIE
I don’t know what it is, but this fitness thing’s
got everyone in a fantastic mood. Maybe I did
make an impact after all.
Immediately after she speaks, a stress ball flies into her office knocks over a
large stack of papers and supplies off her desk.
29.