Parenting to Build Parenting to Build Resilience Resilience

In the Face of Risk In the Face of Risk FactorsFactors

(J. Eric Vance M.D.)(J. Eric Vance M.D.)

Children Surviving Children Surviving HardshipHardship

Studies on the children of psychotic parents Studies on the children of psychotic parents revealed the “invulnerable child” (Bleuler, revealed the “invulnerable child” (Bleuler, Anthony, Garmezy)Anthony, Garmezy)

Inner city children at risk for delinquency (Glueck, Inner city children at risk for delinquency (Glueck, Vaillant, Felsman, Robins, Farrington)Vaillant, Felsman, Robins, Farrington)

Sons of men from the Great Depression (Elder)Sons of men from the Great Depression (Elder) Women reared in institutional orphanages (Rutter)Women reared in institutional orphanages (Rutter) Children at high risk of maltreatment (Egeland, Children at high risk of maltreatment (Egeland,

Farber)Farber) Prospective longitudinal studies of community Prospective longitudinal studies of community

cohorts grown up (Werner, Smith, Rutter, Offord)cohorts grown up (Werner, Smith, Rutter, Offord)The power of computers to reveal relationships The power of computers to reveal relationships

between multiple psychosocial factors and life between multiple psychosocial factors and life outcomes outcomes

The Dangers of Risk The Dangers of Risk FactorsFactors

Common Risk Factors for bad outcomesCommon Risk Factors for bad outcomes (addiction, emotional disorders, (addiction, emotional disorders, delinquency, delinquency, school drop-out, other life school drop-out, other life problems):problems): Stressful pregnancy/early life, poverty, Stressful pregnancy/early life, poverty,

moves, family conflict/violence, abuse, moves, family conflict/violence, abuse, parent problems, parent break-ups, parent problems, parent break-ups, childhood disorders, bullying, negative childhood disorders, bullying, negative peers, substance abuse, school problemspeers, substance abuse, school problems

Four or more risk factors exponentially Four or more risk factors exponentially impacts outcomeimpacts outcome

Parental and Family Risk Parental and Family Risk FactorsFactors

Stressful Stressful pregnancypregnancy

Fetal substance Fetal substance exposureexposure

Complications of Complications of birth or birth or pregnancypregnancy

Poor attachmentPoor attachment Long maternal Long maternal

absencesabsences

PovertyPoverty Single parenthoodSingle parenthood Crowded familyCrowded family Close born siblingsClose born siblings Frequent family Frequent family

movesmoves Parental SA, mental Parental SA, mental

or emotional or emotional disorder, or disorder, or criminalitycriminality

Risk Factors of the ChildRisk Factors of the Child

Behaviorally Behaviorally inhibitedinhibited

““difficult” difficult” temperamenttemperament

Developmental Developmental delaysdelays

Neurological Neurological disorder or head disorder or head injuryinjury

Mental retardationMental retardation Serious medical Serious medical

problemsproblems

Early aggression, <6 Early aggression, <6 yoyo

Childhood Childhood psychiatric disorderpsychiatric disorder

Early legal problems,Early legal problems, <12 yo<12 yo Early substance use, Early substance use,

<12 yo<12 yo Learning disorder or Learning disorder or

school behavioral school behavioral problemsproblems

Experiential Risk FactorsExperiential Risk Factors Exposure to chronic conflict or Exposure to chronic conflict or

violence in the home or violence in the home or neighborhoodneighborhood

Child neglectChild neglect Physical abuse or harsh Physical abuse or harsh

punishmentpunishment Sexual abuse or molestationSexual abuse or molestation Chronic parent-child conflictChronic parent-child conflict Predominance of negative peersPredominance of negative peers Removal from homeRemoval from home

Good News!Good News!PProtective Factors and rotective Factors and

ResilienceResilience Protective factors are characteristics of the Protective factors are characteristics of the

individual or life experiences that facilitate individual or life experiences that facilitate good life outcomes in the face of multiple good life outcomes in the face of multiple risk factorsrisk factors

Resilience amounts to effective stress Resilience amounts to effective stress coping, through the possession of protective coping, through the possession of protective factors factors

Greater burdens of risk require greater Greater burdens of risk require greater numbers of protective factors to buffer the numbers of protective factors to buffer the effectseffects

Like risk, it’s not which, but how manyLike risk, it’s not which, but how many Life outcomes often depend on the balance Life outcomes often depend on the balance

of risk and protection of risk and protection

Family and Parental Protective Family and Parental Protective FactorsFactors

Secure mother-Secure mother-infant attachmentinfant attachment

Warm, positive Warm, positive child-parent child-parent relationshiprelationship

Parental Parental employmentemployment

Parental HS Parental HS educationeducation

Availability of social Availability of social support for parentssupport for parents

Consistent Consistent routines, rules, routines, rules, and ritualsand rituals

Fair discipline Fair discipline with discussionwith discussion

Family Family involvement with involvement with organized religionorganized religion

Parental attention Parental attention to child’s activities to child’s activities and peersand peers

Protective aspects of the Protective aspects of the childchild

First born childFirst born child Easy, adaptable Easy, adaptable

temperament temperament typetype

Independent, Independent, outgoing toddleroutgoing toddler

Above average Above average intelligenceintelligence

Seen as likeableSeen as likeable Gets along with Gets along with

peerspeers Gets along with Gets along with

adultsadults Good sense of Good sense of

humorhumor Shows empathy Shows empathy

and nurturanceand nurturance

Protective Supports and Protective Supports and InvolvementsInvolvements

Regular structured activity or Regular structured activity or hobbyhobby

Job, care-giving, or volunteer Job, care-giving, or volunteer workwork

Youth groupYouth group Adult mentors outside the familyAdult mentors outside the family Close, positive peer supportClose, positive peer support Adult monitoring of youths in the Adult monitoring of youths in the

neighborhoodneighborhood

Protective School-based Protective School-based FactorsFactors

Capability in the student roleCapability in the student role Good problem-solving skillsGood problem-solving skills Good reading abilitiesGood reading abilities Adult mentor within the Adult mentor within the

schoolschool Motivation towards collegeMotivation towards college

Protective Perceptions and Protective Perceptions and OutlooksOutlooks

Perceived competency at Perceived competency at some skill or talentsome skill or talent

Internal locus of controlInternal locus of control Realistic hopes and Realistic hopes and

expectations for the futureexpectations for the future Perception that parents carePerception that parents care Use of inner faith or prayerUse of inner faith or prayer Acceptance and perspective Acceptance and perspective

on past problems on past problems

Planning to Build ResiliencePlanning to Build Resilience

Complete understanding of BOTH Complete understanding of BOTH risk and protective factorsrisk and protective factors

Identifying the existing strengths Identifying the existing strengths and protective factorsand protective factors

Finding the “holes” in the Finding the “holes” in the protective profileprotective profile

Using the existing strengths to Using the existing strengths to build new sources of resiliencebuild new sources of resilience

Some examplesSome examples

Artistic skills, but no peer relationsArtistic skills, but no peer relations Plenty of peer relations, but no Plenty of peer relations, but no

involvementinvolvement Great social skills, but no mentorsGreat social skills, but no mentors Great athlete, but lousy social skillsGreat athlete, but lousy social skills Overwhelmed family, but mentor auntOverwhelmed family, but mentor aunt Inner faith, but no affiliationInner faith, but no affiliation Protective home and family, but no Protective home and family, but no

activitiesactivities

Protection in the Family Protection in the Family HomeHome

Building parents upBuilding parents up Parenting Skills: warmth in Parenting Skills: warmth in

relationships, emotional control, relationships, emotional control, discipline with discussion/problem-discipline with discussion/problem-solving/apologies solving/apologies

Rules, structure, chores, and ritualsRules, structure, chores, and rituals Homework and reading Homework and reading

Staying involved in the teen yearsStaying involved in the teen years Monitoring and meeting the friendsMonitoring and meeting the friends Being a coach and a cheerleaderBeing a coach and a cheerleader Talking about the futureTalking about the future

Protection in the Free Protection in the Free TimeTime

Requiring structured activities Requiring structured activities for self-esteemfor self-esteem Sports, arts, music, martial arts, Sports, arts, music, martial arts,

clubs, scouts, jobsclubs, scouts, jobs Faith with family or friendsFaith with family or friends Volunteer work builds empathyVolunteer work builds empathy

Know the PeersKnow the Peers Positive peers, boyfriends, and Positive peers, boyfriends, and

girlfriends makes ALL the girlfriends makes ALL the differencedifference

You CAN pick their friends (if need You CAN pick their friends (if need be)be)

MentorsMentors

Adult friends that care and endureAdult friends that care and endure Rituals of the relationshipRituals of the relationship Advice, coaching, and skill-buildingAdvice, coaching, and skill-building Teaching the manners of friendshipTeaching the manners of friendship Acts of kindness and contrition, Acts of kindness and contrition,

both waysboth ways Helping to clean up messesHelping to clean up messes Talking about families, friends, and Talking about families, friends, and

future future

Activities to build resilienceActivities to build resilience Daily chores and responsibilitiesDaily chores and responsibilities Daily reading, journaling, or Daily reading, journaling, or

homeworkhomework Chosen skill-building activity or jobChosen skill-building activity or job Volunteer or care-taking activitiesVolunteer or care-taking activities Outings to novel settingsOutings to novel settings Outings to anticipate the futureOutings to anticipate the future Discussions of the future Discussions of the future

possibilitiespossibilities Building a faith of choiceBuilding a faith of choice

Processing ConflictProcessing Conflict Because conflict happens so Because conflict happens so

often, and processing is the often, and processing is the first step to healingfirst step to healing

Builds protective factors: Builds protective factors: problem-solving and empathyproblem-solving and empathy

Repairs relationships, and can Repairs relationships, and can include restorative justiceinclude restorative justice

Punishment alone, even when Punishment alone, even when deserved, is never enoughdeserved, is never enough

Discipline with DiscussionDiscipline with Discussion Wait until everybody’s cooled off Wait until everybody’s cooled off Recount the incident, dissect into Recount the incident, dissect into

the pastthe past Talk about the feelings caused, to Talk about the feelings caused, to

build empathybuild empathy Finding something to apologize forFinding something to apologize for Think of other solutions for next Think of other solutions for next

timetime Fake it till you make it Fake it till you make it

Take Home MessageTake Home Message We can’t always prevent risk factors We can’t always prevent risk factors

entering our lives, but we can always build entering our lives, but we can always build protective factors to make life more protective factors to make life more bearable. bearable.

There is growing evidence we may even be There is growing evidence we may even be able to repair stressed nervous systems by able to repair stressed nervous systems by activating protective anti-stress chemical activating protective anti-stress chemical systems. systems.

Even in the face of the worst hardships, we Even in the face of the worst hardships, we can always improve our child and family’s can always improve our child and family’s life outcome by enhancing resilience.life outcome by enhancing resilience.